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Pokemon 9: Pokemon Ranger and the Temple of the Sea
Teen Pregnancy Leads to Fantastic Adventures! |
Finally he reached the top, the final door all that remained between him and the top of the Dark Tower, and he thought to himself that all of the sacrifices, all of the loss and heartbreak - it was worth it. And now, of course, he held the Horn of Eld at his side, the sign to him that this time, THIS TIME, would be different.... that, and what he held tucked in his belt, the final touch, that which would save him from the dark secret of the tower. He opened the door, and....
"YOINK!" I shouted, grabbing the DVD case from him and diving backwards down the stairs as the door blew open and white light surrounded Brandon.
"Tim, you poxy bastard!" shouted Brandon, and then The White enveloped him, and the door shut, and he was gone.
"Finally," I whispered, clutching what I had stolen tightly to my chest, a DVD case containing the ninth Pokemon Movie - Pokemon Ranger and the Temple of the Sea. I climbed down the stairs, out the great door and across the frozen badlands towards the nearest computer, where I would write the movie guide,"And I'm sure whatever Brandon's gotten himself into can't be TOO bad."
The Man in Black fled across the desert, and Brandon followed.
Pokemon Ranger and the Temple of the Sea
Once again the narrator introduces us to the "Pokemon World", a world full of hundreds of Pokemon (and more coming as Nintendo Merchandising Concern keeps the company financially solvent), but also the idea that there are people out there who are selfish and seek to use Pokemon for the uses of darkness. We see a Rayquaza captured by mysterious scientist types, but then the narrator tells us that the pendulum swings both ways (kinky!) as we see a burning forest and Pokemon being saved by the good, honest folk of the Pokemon Rangers!
Yeah, those guys who use devices that force Pokemon into slavery as their will is subsumed by the Trainer's into achieving THEIR goals, and once the "tool" has served its purpose, is tossed aside. Nothing like setting forth as role-models a group of people who use Pokemon as tools without any of the concerns over building a relationship of trust with their Pokemon!
The narrator tells us all about Ash Ketchum and friends as well, but we know all about him, let's get to the actual meat and potatoes of the movie as we travel beneath the sea to an underwater world teeming with Pokemon, and a strange blue egg-like shape with a red ball interior floating about amongst the Pokemon.... until spotlights scatter them as they hone in on the object, and above the ocean we see helicopters tracking the object.
Under the water, a massive submarine scatters Pokemon and tears up the ocean surface in its wake, massive drills defying man, Pokemon or nature itself to get in its way, and inside the Submarine.... a motherfucking Pirate!
Capturing the object, the massive submarine surfaces and the helicopters land, the pirate and his Chatot moving to the room where the object has been placed, the Pirate Captain telling his First Mate - Galen - that there are two types of people in this world - those who have unlimited desires, and those who do not!
Well yes, but there's also those who crave pork belly scratchings and those who don't.
The Captain reaches for the object, saying it will grant his unlimited desires, calling it the Sea Crown, but as he reaches for it... one of his crewmen grabs it off of him, runs ALONG THE WALL and out of the room, chased by other crewmates who call him a traitor. But as he runs, he laughs in a strangely familiar voice that he's not a traitor, he was never on their side! He grabs the rung of a rotating ladder/machinery thingymabob and it lifts him up inside the interior of the Sub.
With a smug grin he jumps off of the ladder and kicks the railing to block the chasing crewmen from getting after him, then contacts on a communicator, introducing himself as Jack Walker.... but his voice remains elusively familiar... who is he? He shares some Bond/Moneypenny teasing chemistry with the lady on the other end of the line, telling her he has the "Egg of the Prince" which she promptly tells him is a made-up name. he gets surrounded by crewmen and knocks over a sack of potatoes and cheeses it to the surface of the sub (if they'd just submerged he wouldn't have been able to escape), finding himself trapped between a large dome and the Pirate Captain, who calls out a Parasect and Pinsir and tells Jack to give up.... but Jack declares he doesn't know the meaning of the phrase,"Give it up!"
He does a backleap onto the dome and runs to the end of the submarine, then pulls out his Capture Device and ENSLAVES a Mantine swimming by, lets his eye glint at the pursuing pirates, then leaps onto the Mantine's back which dives into the Water, then leaps back up over the Submarine and lets rip with a blast of Confuse Ray before disappearing under the water, a rebreather slapped into his mouth. The Pirate Captain scowls, then smirks, because seeing Jack ENSLAVE the Mantine for his own purposes told him what he needed to know about Jack. Only one group of people is so callously smug about using Pokemon without thought for their own free will - he's a Pokemon Ranger!
Wait! Callous, smug, unthinking, that familiar voice..... Jack's not just a Pokemon Ranger, he's Zapp Brannigan!
After the opening logo we discover the twerps trudging through a hot, sunbaked landscape, lost and apparently with their PokeNav unable to find a signal. Max asks for some water and May warns him not to drink it all, but when he takes the canteen from her only a single drop of water falls out onto his tongue. May grabs it off of him shouting that she told him not to drink it all, and as he argues back that there wasn't exactly a lot to start with, Ash spots something weird back the way they came... water.... in bubbles!
They all rush to the edge of a hill and discover a young lady directing Water Pokemon to dive in and out of bubbles of water floating in the air. Max asks if he can have some water, and when she says yes he puts his dirty finger into one of the bubbles and sucks the water off of it before being knocked on his ass by one of the Water Pokemon. One of them creates a water version of Pikachu to entertain the twerps, and Max realises the Pokemon are using Psychic. Brock looks around and notices trailers and carnies moving about outside of them, and suddenly slams his fist into his hand and asks the lady if she's part of the Marina Underwater Pokemon Show, and if she's Elizabeth, the star of the show? She is indeed, and Brock is delighted, because he's her creepy stalker! He pulls out a book of pictures of her, tells her it's destiny to meet her here like this and grabs her hands, moaning he wants to go on a swimming date with her and.... Max grabs him by the ear and drags him away, because... goddamn Brock, there's creepy funny and then there's creepy stalker gonna rape and dismember you.
Elizabeth's Grandfather and parents show up to see what's going on with the creepy stalker and his entourage of children without a guardian, but Elizabeth assures them everything is okay and they all introduce themselves - Grandpa Shep, Dad Kyle, and Mother Meredith.
May is delighted by Meredith's looks, saying that she looks like she could be Elizabeth's sister, and Meredith laughs at her to go on... no really, go on! Then slaps May companionably on the back, sending her falling over flat on her face.
A short time later, as Wooper walk over a clown's arms and shoulders, the twerps have deep drinks of water and Max pets a Buizel and licks his face, then jumps up and sniffs a canister on the top bunk above where Max is sitting. The canister turns transparent and May sees the "Egg of the Prince" for a moment before Kyle pulls the curtain over the bunk shut, and then Shep steps out and asks if the twerps would like to see a demonstration of their act.
The stag turns out to be a boat/bike that drags a trailer behind it, and they head for the nearest city as they're followed in a pedal powered air craft by Team Rocket. At the city, they put on their act, a water based circus where Kyle and Meredith dive into the Psychic Bubbles of water dressed in flamboyant outfits and swim/fly for the crowds. Then the clown staggers around in a Sharpedo outfit that "eats" bubbles of Wooper and then.... poops them out as Politoed watches!
Oh my!
As this happens, Team Rocket sneak through the crowd, and inside the trailer the Buizel jumps up into the top bunk again and sniffs at the canister, knocking it over and diving after it to catch it. Meanwhile Elizabeth - in a Goldeen inspired costume - dives into a Psychic Bubble and then dives from bubble to bubble, while the Psychic Pokemon send bubbles of water down to grab up the twerps and lift them into the air as lights shine on the bubbles and create a pretty lighting affect for the crowds.
Once the performance is over, we see Buizel staggering out of the trailer with the canister and drop it into May's waiting hands,the a clown steps up and hits a button that turns the canister dark, wags a finger at Buizel and walks away without a word, handing the canister over to Elizabeth before both turn to stare at a confused May and Buizel.
As Shep offers the twerps a lift to the next town, Team Rocket sit by a fountain, James going through the Team Rocket Gazette, pointing out a picture of the Egg of the Prince alongside a photo of the Pirate Captain, someone whom Meowth identifies as "The Phantom." They instantly get an idea to contact the Phantom and sell the location of the Egg to him, but as James calls 1-800-Phantom, Jesse and Meowth spot the Boat/Car Trailer heading out of town and tell him they have to go, so he tells the person on the other end he's out of quarters and chases after them.
That night, the twerps sleep in the trailer, but Buizel gets up in the middle of the night and once again pushes the button that shows the canister’s contents. The moon shines on the egg and light from it shins onto May, and she opens her eyes to find herself.... SWIMMING UNDER THE SEA!
She swims about, then spots a strange underground city that raises up from a spinning top shape to a series of layered buildings like a cake, and then a strange glowing Pokemon swims happily about her before pulling away, and she cries out for it not to go... then comes awake crying out for it to stop, confusing Elizabeth who is checking her hair in the mirror - it's morning, and everyone else is up. Elizabeth asks what is up and May seems to realise it was a dream, saying it's nothing. She joins the others outside as Shep pulls a woodfire pizza out of the oven and gives it to Brock on a tray, and he takes it down to the table where the food is being prepared, Ash and Max are collecting water and the clown is practising his juggling.
Shep grabs some booze from the trailer and heads out, and Team Rocket sneak in to find the Egg. Down at the table, everyone is eating while May tells them about her dream, identifying the city as a "Sea Temple" and mentioning the odd Pokemon. Meredith asks if May has heard of the people of the water, Elizabeth explains she'd had the same dream - apparently they're descendents of a group called The People of the Water, and there aren't that many left.
Inside the trailer, Jesse finds the canister and pulls it out, and her, James and Meowth grab at it.... and it shines a strange red colour throughout the trailer that then fades, and James PUN-ishes us by saying that was "Eggstreme".... only James' voice is coming out of Jesse's body!
They've body-swapped! James has become Jesse has become Meowth has become James!
AWESOME!
The twerps and the Marina family head up the hill from their campsite towards the trailer, Shep explaining that the People of the Water created "The Sea Temple" generations ago, and the descendants still see it in their dreams. Ash doesn't get why May had the dream, and Max guesses she might be a descendent too.... which means he is as well! Shep says it's certainly possible, but then they're interrupted by Team Rocket arguing amongst themselves.... about being themselves!
"Stop being me!" Jesse shouts out of Meowth's body,"Don't you see I look ridiculous!"
"You're not da only one, lady!" Meowth complains out of James body.
"Oh no!" moans James out of Jesse's body, as the Rocketshipper's finally get to see James inside of Jesse... and it's not the way they always dreamed!"What if the Boss finds out?"
"Easy! Deny everything" shouts Jesse out of Meowth's body, and Meowth uses James' hands to shake his real body about in an attempt to shake some sense into Jesse.... or just shake her out of his body!
Ash yells at them, interrupting their fight and demanding to know what they're doing.
"Prepare for trouble with the things you see!" Meowth's body declares with Jesse's voice.
"These earrings are just not me!" Jesse's body says with a deep James voice that suggests testicles where there are NO testicles.
"An evil as old as the galaxy!"
"Sent here to fulfill out destiny!"
"Meowth!" James' body shouts, as he looks about confused at the Jesse and Meowth body doing the motto then figures he might as well jump in,"Dat's me!"
Well this isn't working for them, but they're not overly worried about the potential of a life with the wrong naughty bits, because they've got the Egg! They take off, Jesse trying a graceful leap over the side and remembering halfway down that she's a three foot tall cat now. She struggles uphill, moaning that she wished she had her beautiful long legs again, before those very same beautiful long legs dart manfully by her, James laughing from inside her body to make way. Then Meowth springs joyously by, enjoy unexpected height and speed from being inside of James (again, the Blueshippers have always wanted it, but now they get it in a way they least expected).
The clown and Ash are right behind them, spotting them jumping onto the pedal-powered aircraft, and the clown tells Ash not to use Pikachu as they might damage the egg. He looks up at spots a Fearow, but unfortunately it's wild and thus they don't have time to fight it, capture it, train it and then use it to follow... but WAIT! With a Pokemon Ranger Capture Device you don't need to go through any of the bother of earning the capture of a Pokemon and then spending all that time working to gain mutual trust and friendship.... you can just catch it, use it, and toss it away!
These are the good guys!
He ENSLAVES the Fearow and tells it they need to use it, and since it's now had its find subverted by technology, it swoops down and lets Pikachu jump onto its back, then they fly after Team Rocket. Pikachu leaps onto the pedal-powered balloon and threatens to spark Jesse, which causes her to open her mouth so James can squeal in fright and let it grab the canister, then leap back onto Fearow's back. James points Jesse's hand at Meowth and tells him to do something, and Meowth points at James' body, shouting that HE'S MEOWTH! And Meowth - in James' body - freaks the fuck out because he can't understand what the hell is going on!
Fearow punctures the balloon and Team Rocket blast off again, and Fearow flies back to the twerps, Ash grabbing Pikachu and Elizabeth grabbing the Canister. The Clown thanks Fearow as it swoops around in circles, probably suffering the devastating after-effects of its MINDRAPE, and Ash recognises the Capture Stylus and asks if the clown is a Pokemon Ranger, and he pops off his wig and winks at them, introducing himself as Jack "Zapp Brannigan" Walker - Pokemon Ranger.
Yes Gentle Dodgers, they did make his name into a pun of Walker: Texas Ranger.
Discarding the clown disguise (because apparently his disguise is useless now? Everyone in the Universe now knows he's not a clown? What?) back at the campsite, he explains that his mission is to protect the egg of Manaphy, and the Marina Group is helping him. Max recognises the name, Manaphy is a Pokemon that travels the oceans, and Jack tells them he's trying to get it hatched and to Semiya - the Sea Temple. May guesses that is the temple she saw in her dream, and Manaphy the Pokemon. Suddenly the Pokemon seem to tense up, and looking around the twerps, Jack and the Marina Group see three helicopters approaching. The Phantom is inside the lead copter next to Galen, and they send out Beedrill to chase the group as they rush for the trailer. The Phantom grins and declares there are only two types of people in this world - those who chase and those who are chased, and he knows which he would rather be.
He jumps out of the helicopter followed by Galen, getting in Jack and Ash's way. Jack pulls out a sheet and puts it over the canister and they take off to the side, chased by the Phantom who goes after Jack as he darts behind a rock, not spotting Ash who now has the canister. He jumps in Jack's way and grabs the sheet off of him, revealing two juggling balls, and Jack smirks and tosses one at him, only for the Phantom to slap it out of the way.... and it bounces off of a rock and smacks him straight in the face!
Embarrassed, he charges at Jack who jumps onto a boulder, and The Phantom..... picks it up and tosses it through the air!
"Woah, you're strong, Phantom," Jack says after jumping off and landing on the ground,"You take vitamins?"
Meanwhile Ash, May and Max rejoin Ash only to be confronted by Galen, blocking Beedrill's Poison Sting with Thunderbolt. They try to run but a Sludge Bomb knocks Ash off of his feet and the canister flies through the air, landing in May's hands. She and Max run, but The Phantom leaps down into their way, leering menacingly over May and declaring that anything without an owner belongs to him, reaching to take what is precious away from her (9/10 May Fanart Comics use that description) before Max leaps to her aid.
The top of the Canister is pulled clear and the Manaphy Egg flies into the air, May tossing the canister aside and jumping after it, catching it and landing hard on the ground, her tits luckily cushioning her fall. The Egg starts to glow and Jack shows up calling to May to give it to him, only to be locked in a Full Nelson by The Phantom, and then Max and Ash leap onto him and they all struggle about as Chatot flies about and.... the egg hatches into Manaphy, staring up with baby eyes at May who smiles.... and it bursts into tears!
She rocks it trying to calm it down as Jack, Ash and Max rush over to May, and The Phantom stands staring with wide eyes, then moans sadly that he was going to use his own two hands to hatch it!
The trailer pulls up and the all rush for it, Jack grabbing The Phantom's coat-tails and twisting him into Galen before joining them. The trailer takes off, May trying to calm the Manaphy down, and finally she succeeds, and it falls asleep. Elizabeth takes it from May to hold it for awhile, but then it bursts into tears again and she has to give it back to May, and they guess that it thinks she is its Mother, as she was the first thing it saw.
"So... I'm a Mum?" asks May, which really won't come as a surprise to anyone from her hometown.
Pikachu hears a noise and together it and Ash climb up the bunks and open the hatch on the top of the trailer, and find The Phantom and his helicopters haven't quite given up yet. They blast first one, then a second grappling hook at the trailer, bursting through the roof and latching on as the Boat/Car thunders around a sheer cliffside road.
Shep pops in from the car/boat and tells them to cross over, then pulls the latch that frees the trailer, and it flies off of the side of the cliff, pulling the helicopters after it, forcing them to release their cables and try to regain control.
As May calms Manaphy, Kyle says "it" has to be near, and Shep says they're almost there.
And what is "it"? Well maybe it's the old abandoned temple where Team Rocket have crash landed, lying on their backs head to head. Jesse moans that she had the strangest dream, speaking from out of.... her own body! The bodyswap is over!
Awwwww!
They all say they had the same dream... so maybe it wasn't a dream? Suddenly they hear Mime Jr. and Wobbuffet happily saying their own names and patiently saluting, and looking out over the ruined temple grounds they spot the "twerp truck" come pulling in, the twerps, Jack and the Marina group filing out. The Phantom's helicopters aren't too far behind, and James gasps that if you want something bad enough you get it, so they'll be getting The Phantom's reward! Jesse grunts that he didn't bring The Phantom there, but he insists he did (somehow) and they'll get that reward, until Meowth points out they could just get all the treasure for themselves.
The Helicopters land as the twerp group heads down the stairs of the temple underground, discovering an empty room as the Phantom enters above. Elizabeth places the wrist bracelet on her forearm beside a red stone in the empty room, and a glowing circle forms that she twists about, opening a door in the stone. They all enter, and when the Phantom comes in after them he finds the room empty... but that doesn't stop him. He lifts out of his pocket the shattered remnants of a bracelet just like Elizabeth and Meredith’s, and opens the door, following after where the twerps went. He tells Galen that the ruins were left by The People of the Water, and that means that the Marina Group must be People of the Water too..
The twerp group are carried by their Water Pokemon down the flooded tunnels beneath the ground to a large room, and on the roof and walls are representations of Semiya - the Sea Temple that May saw in her dreams.
Shep, Kyle and Meredith explain that at the centre of the Sea Temple is a treasure known as the "Sea Crown", so valuable that The People of the Water set traps within the temple. Kyle tells them that the Temple cannot be seen by mortals, that it blends with the water itself, and drifts through the oceans, meaning that no one can know its location. But every time there is a total eclipse of the moon, the Temple appears again, as that was when the People of the Water held their Festival to honor Water Pokemon.
So if it drifts and can't be seen, how can it ever be found? Through the Manaphy, all of which are born with the innate ability to find the Temple, as its first constructed location was where all Manaphy were originally born/spawned what have you. So as long as they have Manaphy, they can find the Temple, but if "that crusty old codger" gets hold of Manaphy, Jack warns, he'll be able to steal the Sea Crown.
Speaking of which, the Crusty Old Codger has exited the ruins and orders his men to search the "twerp truck", then spots Team Rocket washing down his helicopter. He demands to know who they are and they rush over giggling, James taking a knee and telling Phantom he is the one who tipped them off, while Jesse cocks a hip and thrusts out her boobs and Meowth just grins nervously. Phantom grunts at Galen to give them their reward and stomps off, and a delighted Team Rocket dash after him, unable to resist licking his boots.
They ask if he could use some extra dirty hands, and he asks how they are at cleaning, to which they happily reply they're the dirtiest!
Taking off, the helicopters scan the ground beneath the grounds and discover a series of underground paths/rivers all leading in various different directions towards the shore. Galen says there are too many potential paths to guess which one the group is taking, but Phantom says they'll be after the Sea Temple, so if they just travel to the shore, the twerps will come to them and that Sea crown will be his. Upon hearing this, Team Rocket - polishing all the surfaces - react as you'd expect, almost drooling with delight and discussing amongst themselves stealing the treasure out from under The Phantom.... until they realise that when they talk out loud in a small, confined space, other people can hear them!
Underground, the twerps are ferried on ancient boats through narrow riverways into an underground shimmering cavern, lights reflecting off of the water and ceiling. As they look about in wonder, Jack thanks them for all their help, but then warns them that once they reach the shore, he'll have to go on alone - they're in too deep as it is, and this has to be a job for a Pokemon Ranger.
Well, how is he going to control Manaphy? Oh that's right, he's one of the "good guy" Rangers, so he'll just use his Capture Stylus to brutally enslave its mind and force it to do what he wants, then dump it when he's done.
They emerge out of the grotto to find sheer cliffs raising on either side of them, and all of the ocean spread out before them. They come ashore at a seaside town, sitting on the rocks by the ocean as Brock and Elizabeth go and get ice creams for everyone, watching Manaphy as it sleeps inside a tiny basket. Shep spots a boat approaching and jumps down to join the others, telling them it's his old boat - The Blue Lagoon!
Oh no, don't let it shipwreck with May and Max onboard! They'll end up running around naked, having sex, having a baby and then eating poisonous berries and dying before Norman can find them at the last second!
Apparently as a boy he once traveled around the world on that boat, and three old sea salts step off for inspection as he thanks them for taking good care of it, but tells them they can't go with him on this trip, but he'll be back later to share a drink with them. As the twerps watch Manaphy being taken onboard still sleeping, May looking especially concerned, the three old salts whine and moan like kids, desperate to be taken on the trip with Shep.
The Blue Lagoon sets off, leaving the twerps and the sea salts behind, May watching her "baby" go and Brock desperate over not getting to sneak some more peeks at Elizabeth's ass. As The Blue Lagoon pulls away, Manaphy suddenly bursts into tears and starts shaking about on the deck. May takes a couple of frightened steps forward at the sound, and the Sea Salts turn and smile at the twerps, telling them that at a young age it's no time to turn away from adventure, they should go. May and Ash take off followed by Max and Brock, calling for The Blue Lagoon to wait for them, and on deck Manaphy's tears increase and a red glow lifts from it, then snakes through the water and surrounds Ash. He stops short, eyes glowing blue, and then declares that this is weird.... in Jack's voice!
"Uhhh!" says Ash in Jack's body on The Blue Lagoon,"What am I doing here?"
Jack in Ash's body rushes to the end of the pier and calls out to Shep to stop the ship, and he rushes to turn them around as Jack shrugs, says,"What are you going to do?" and tickles Pikachu under the chin.
A short time later, they're all on board The Blue Lagoon, Ash and Jack back in their original bodies, Shep explaining this is a defence mechanism of Manaphy's called Heartswap. He says the effects are only temporary, although he's not sure how distance affects things. He also tells them that Manaphy is known as "The Prince of the Sea", while May asks Manaphy if it swapped Ash and Jack's bodies because it wanted to stay with her. She tells it that it makes her happy, and it replies,"Happy," back, exciting May who hugs it as Ash and Max try to get it to say other things, but it only responds to May.
The Blue Lagoon comes to a stop, and Kyle steps out and tells May that she has to let Manaphy into the water, from now on it must set the course for them. She walks it to the side and it leaps off into the water, then jumps about in excitement, Kyle heading back to the wheel to follow it to the Temple of the Sea.
Shep takes the twerps below desk and hits a switch that opens an observation post at the front of the ship, letting them see the ocean all around them. Manaphy spots them and swims happily towards them.... and bang right into the glass!
It bursts into tears and she pets the other side of the glass, telling it that it doesn't hurt (I don't know, it looked pretty painful), and it sets off again, The Blue Lagoon following.
The sun sets and as the night comes on, Shep and Kyle look at the quarter moon and chat amongst themselves, wondering if maybe they are lucky they will find the Temple of the Sea at the right time for the total eclipse of the moon, and see the Temple for themselves and gain the blessing like the People of the Water once did.
The next day, Jack paraglides behind The Blue Lagoon, in contact with the lady from what we guess must be Ranger Headquarters, having a good time but also on the lookout for bad guys, but seeing none.
You know, The Phantom sails the seas in a fucking submarine, you nimrod.
Manaphy swims amongst herds of giant Wailord and Wailmer, the former each the size of the Blue Lagoon itself, which is both an impressive and terrifying sight to behold. Manaphy rides on the back of one of the Wailmer and leaps off of it into May's arms, declaring,"HAPPY!" with great delight, all watched from above by Jack, who looks less than pleased.
Either that same day or the next, they stop by a clear lagoon of water, taking the opportunity to have a swim, Max looking naked without his glasses (or shirt!).
Ash jumps out of the water onto the boat but is shushed by May, who is holding a sleeping Manaphy in her arms. He climbs up onto the next deck, where Jack is waiting with a towel for him, dropping it on his head. Ash follows Jack, asking why he became a Ranger, and he explains about once when he was young and got trapped in a blizzard high in the mountains. He collapsed into a cave to shelter from the cold, but the only respite he got was from the wind. But then a group of Forest Pokemon including Swablu, Furret and Sentret appeared and surrounded him, keeping him warm throughout the night until the Blizzard passed. The next morning he stepped out and watched the Swablu fly away and realised if it hadn't been for them, and decided that he would repay their kindness by joining a profession that uses Pokemon like tools and then discards them, forgoing the usual Trainer/Pokemon team building that forges deep, valued relationships. He tells Ash he was about the same age as Ash is now, and Ash realizes that it's not too late, he too could become a heartless user of animals!
He's so excited by the prospect that he dives off the deck into the water, followed by Manaphy, Pikachu, Buizel and May, wearing her ratings/pageview boosting two piece bikini.
As they enjoy the underwater lagoon, May suddenly remembers she needs air to live and so they resurface, and that night she sleeps on a hammock beside Manaphy, trying to get it to say "I love you," which eventually it manages to do, much to her delight - surely its mimicking of sounds she is making means it understands the concept behind them!
The next day it leaps from Lapras head to Lapras head ahead of The Blue Lagoon, and Jack watches May fretting about Manaphy with that same stern look on his face. Perhaps he is concerned that it likes her just because it likes her, and not because she used a technological device to force it to follow her commands.
Stormy weather comes on and May heads down below to watch Manaphy from the observation booth, but stops when she overhears Jack talking with Ash, asking him to help separate Manaphy from May, saying that if it becomes too close to her it won't want to leave, and it won't lead them to the Temple. May steps forward to tell them not to worry, telling Jack she'll be fine, but it isn't her that he's concerned about, but Manaphy. Manaphy is destined to become Prince of all of the Pokemon of the Temple of the Sea, it can't be expected to stay with her forever. She sees it swim up to the booth and wave at her, declaring it is happy, and she turns and runs away as Elizabeth comes down. Manaphy surfaces and leaps through the air, calling out,"Happy, happy, I love you, happy!" which is pretty fucking brutal when it comes down to it.
May crouches in the ship's corridors and Elizabeth steps up to tell her she knows it's hard, and May bursts into tears.
Nice going, Jack!
Meanwhile, not too far behind The Blue Lagoon (relatively speaking, the ocean is pretty fucking big!) The Phantom's submarine follows, being sure to stay out of The Blue Lagoon's detection. Team Rocket are still scrubbing, but planning to take the treasure out from under The Phantom's nose the first chance they get - a plan that Wobbuffet loudly and proudly agrees with until they pile down on it to shut it up.
That night, The Blue Lagoon sits in place as Manaphy sits on a rock singing, the twerps listening to it. May stands down in the Observation Booth listening, and Elizabeth comes down and gives her bracelet to her, telling her it marks her as one of the People of the Water.
They dock at a small island while Kyle and Shep discuss the upcoming eclipse, which is tonight, suggesting that it's really up to Manaphy and the whim of the sea now as to whether they'll find the Temple in time.
Ash and Max bring out food for Manaphy, and it leaps up onto deck, looking around confused for May, calling out,"Happy! Happy?"
Ash calls out his Pokemon to cheer it up, and it rolls down Donphan's back, rolls along its trunk and bounces onto Swellow's back, flying high above the island as Sceptile jumps from rock to rock half submerged in the water along the shore, and Corphish carries Pikachu on its back as it swims through the water, spotting Manaphy and trying to catch it without much success, much to its wide-eyed, jerkish consternation.
May watches it playing and smiles, then tries to pop her bandanna on only for the wind to blow it away, landing on a Sharpedo's fin. Manaphy chases after it, diving deep into the water, the bandanna coming loose.
Sometime later, Corphish bursts out of the water with great delight having been playing a game of hide and seek with the others, only to discover that the others.... weren't playing!
It quickly leaps out of the water and skitters around the shore to The Blue Lagoon, horrified and embarrassed, while onboard the twerps are worried that they haven't seen Manaphy for some time. They head below decks to where a submarine sits waiting, Elizabeth piloting it out into the water with the twerps along for the ride. May is worried it is her fault, but Elizabeth says not to blame her (blame Jack!) and they head down deep into the water.
Back on The Phantom's sub, they detect a submarine has launched and is heading for the bottom of the water, and The Phantom guesses they're going for the Temple. He tells Galen he's going to go it alone, but will signal him once The Sea Crown is his.
Deep in the water, Manaphy sails past a crevasse where a Cloyster sits sealed tight, May's bandanna draped over its spike,, and drifts towards a massive trench in the water. It turns back and the Cloyster opens to reveal the disturbingly vaginal Pokemon grinning up at Manaphy, which grabs May's bandanna and declares,"Happy!"
Meanwhile the submarine sails along the bottom, lights illuminating bad 3D Pokemon, and May cries that she hopes it is all right, and then they spot it come swimming along beside them holding May's bandanna, swimming up alongside her and declaring,"Happy love you!"
They report back what happened to The Blue Lagoon, Shep, Kyle and Meredith all gathered around the radio while Buizel sleeps on the floor and Corphish somehow manages to look like a jerk looking from one to the other trying to figure out what is going on.
They tell them to be back in time for dinner, having gained a taste for Brock's cooking, but then they get caught up in a rip tide and the sub is pulled along into the trench that Manaphy saw earlier. Manaphy chases after them, gets their attention and tries to lead them off in a different direction, and the sub struggles to follow, being churned by the currents until Manaphy leads them free and they're able to lift up towards the surface.... while below them The Phantom's submarine lurks.
Topside, Meredith notes the Lunar Eclipse has started and Shep tells them that the sub has gotten clear of the current and is returning to them, while Corphish leaps into the air desperate for attention or just to know what the fuck is going on. But then they notice another blip behind the submarine... something is following them.
The Phantom!
But suddenly the submarine disappears from site and radar, much to The Phantom's shock as well as Shep, Kyle, Meredith and Jack's. But as the lunar eclipse continued, they guess what has happened, and then it happens, the light shifts and beneath them they see it - the Sea Temple!
But as the twerps exit the submarine and step out inside the Temple grounds, The Phantom's submarine passes into the sphere of the Temple, seen by Shep, Kyle, Meredith and Jack but unknown to Elizabeth and the twerps.
Despite being under water, inside the temple water only fills half of the sphere, and the air in the top half is surprisingly breathable. May doesn't care about that though, calling out to Manaphy which swims up form below the water, twirls in the air and declares HAPPY! LOVE YOU! as it lands in her arms clutching her bandanna.
They move through the temple grounds, past a fountain and inside the grand building, where the path leads to a massive waterfall. Manaphy sings and the song is returned in a deep baritone that seems to come from the temple itself. Elizabeth's necklace glows and the waters part before them, clearing the path to the Temple Interior.
Outside, The Phantom surfaces on the dock beside the twerps' and cackles with delight, he's found his Sea Temple, and that means his beloved Sea Crown! He dances towards the steps, while on the back of his Sub, a small tube is forced open by Jesse's ass and Team Rocket tumble out sore, out of breath and cramped.
Jack slaps on a Rebreather and swims in the water, using his Capture Stylus to ENSLAVE a Mantine, causing it to swim AWAY from its TWO GODDAMN BABIES to take him where he wants to go before he dumps it.
Manaphy leads the twerps up stairs with waterways running up beside them, over small footbridges and into the final chamber within the temple, where a pillar with writing slapped on it gives them pause. Elizabeth says it is The Sign of the Sea Crown, but she can't read it... maybe Shep could? But then someone else offers to do it for them - The Phantom!
He stomps up laughing that even if they all attacked him at once they wouldn't stand a chance, and when Elizabeth holds back Ash who sees this as a challenge, he laughs at her threat that only the People of the Water have power here. He says he knows about that, and reads the words on the sign, revealing that only by the Mark of the People may you enter, and whoever wears the Crown.... will be King of the Sea.
He lifts up an old Bracelet from his pocket and holds it up to the sign, which glows and then lowers into the ground, sending a line of energy to the wall and illuminating a disk which he turns, causing the wall to fall away and further walls within the chamber beyond to open as he runs in.
Topside, the Lunar Eclipse ends and the Temple of the Sea fades from visible sight, including Jack's, who hadn't quite reached the interior yet.
But The Phantom has, and he rushes into a room full of massive glowing crystals - the Sea Crown? He laughs that there are two types of people in the world - those who look good wearing rare jewels and those who don't, and he thinks he and the Sea Crown are a match made in heaven. As he roars with laughter though, Manaphy spots the crystals and reaches out in delight, jumping out of May's arms and into the tube of water that the Crystals sit inside, swimming about as the twerps watch in delight... and The Phantom grunts and reaches in, grabbing a crystal and hauling on it to tear it free. Manaphy swims down to grab it and stop him, but he tears the crystal loose with ease, sending Manaphy flying through the air and crashing into the ground at May's feet.
It bursts into tears as Elizabeth demands to know what he did and Ash yells he can't do that. The Phantom snaps angrily that he has risked EVERYTHING to gain the Sea Crown and now it belongs to him, and NOTHING can stop him.
Which is when the protective field keeping a GAJILLION tons of water from the outside ocean OUTSIDE fails.
Water smashes into the twerps and knocks them over, Manaphy in tears, while outside water beings to funnel in around the protective sphere of the temple, making it visible once more .
Water is flowing in from random locations, almost knocking Max to his death until Elizabeth saves him, and she says they have to get back to the sub. Ash says to wait, maybe thinking about the Phantom, but when he sees the look in her eyes he agrees and they cheese it, leaving behind The Phantom who is still greedily stealing crystals and laughing maniacally. They encounter Jack who was able to find the entrance once the protective sphere began to fail, and he tells them that the Temple is sinking and they should get out, HE'LL deal with The Phantom.
Inside the Temple's Inner Sanctum, the Phantom continues to steal crystals, and Jack walks in and tells him he hasn't done bad for an old man, but the Crystals don't belong to him. The Phantom disagrees, they're HIS now, except he didn't account for one thing.... Jack just taking them off of him and jamming them back into the Sea Crown. Enraged, he chases Jack around as the younger man flips, leaps and dives around him, grabbing crystal after crystal and putting them back into place until he backs up one step too far and finds himself on the edge of the platform. The Phantom grabs the crystal in his hand growls that his time is up, but Jack points out that unless the crystals are all returned, ALL of their times are up. The Phantom refuses to believe it though, blinded by greed, and then another blast of water swoops over them and knocks them off of the platform and into the water below, passages underneath caught up in fresh currents pulling them down separate paths.
The Phantom comes out of the passage and crashes groin first into a pillar, the last crystal slipping out of his hand and into the waterways. He chases it but it slides down a passage too narrow for him to follow, not that he doesn't try, smashing headfirst into a wall and collapsing.
At the submarine, Ash and May standing waiting for Jack to return, but Elizabeth shouts they can't hold out any longer, they have to go now! They turn to leave, but then Manaphy leaps out of May's arms and into the water, swimming away, and May takes off after it followed by Ash. Elizabeth calls out to them, but then a huge burst of water smashes through the sphere around the temple and crashes into the water behind the sub, giving her other things to worry about.
Ash and May follow Manaphy through the interior of the temple, back to the Inner Sanctum where the crystals that Jack and The Phantom didn't get lay. Seeing Manaphy trying to move them, they jump down into the water and swim to the Sanctum, popping the Crystals back in until they come to a horrible realisation.
They're one Crystal short.
They don't know where it is, did Phantom take it? And then water spills over the floor of the inner sanctum and they realise they're REALLY running out of time now.
Elsewhere in the Temple, The Phantom stands watching water flooding the Temple and realises that Jack WAS telling the truth. He turns and heads back towards his submarine looking to cut his losses, then spots Team Rocket jumping inside. He rushes and grabs the hatch a second before Jesse can close it, and they struggle back and forth trying to close and open it respectively. Jesse yells at him there is barely room for three, and certainly no room in the tub for a tub like him! The Phantom is a relentless, thoroughly unreasonable man though, and with a burst of strength hauls the hatch open and sends the three of them flying into the air and crashing back down behind him. He grins, then hears a noise and turns in time to see a massive wave of water that sends them all tumbling away, Team Rocket crying that they're blasting off again!
On one of the domed roofs of the Temple, Jack rushes along the surface and spots Elizabeth's submarine sailing away, and mistakenly thinks that this means everyone is on it. He leaps from the dome and lands on top of The Phantom's sub as Chatot and The Phantom swim after it. Jack hops in and asks Chatot if it wants to come, and it happily agrees and joins him. They descend, The Phantom grabbing the back of the sub and getting hold of one of the capsules on the back, straddling it and firing it up, converting it into a propulsion device that pulls him through the water while Team Rocket float by struggling for breath directly into the path of the school of massive Wailords.
Elizabeth tries to direct the sub back towards the Temple to get Ash and May, but the current pulls them away, while inside the temple the two in question run in desperation for higher ground as the waters continue to rise and rise. As they run a set of stairs, Pikachu gets Ash's attention, and he spots the final Crystal sitting in a pool beneath a sluice channel. They run from the water as they try to figure how to get back to the Inner Sanctum, and discover a small capsule from The Phantom's Submarine. He pulls it open and tells May to get inside with Manaphy, then puts Pikachu in, slaps the crystal over his shoulder and tells Pikachu to look after May, and closes the capsule in place, telling her he has to put the crystal back.
It's ACTION HERO ASH!
Water bursts in over the capsule as he leaps up along balcony ledges and arches, running deeper into the temple as the endless waters of the ocean fill the Temple, running till he reaches a point where he runs out of dry space, takes a deep breath, turns his cap backwards and dives in!
He swims through submerged halls and into the hall of the Inner Sanctum, diving deeper and deeper, but his air is running out and he's forced to surface to catch his breath, only for more water to flood in directly in his face, causing him to drop the crystal in surprise. He takes a breath, looks down and sees it hit bottom..... directly above a hole that will send it drifting through the length of the temple once again!
"Oh no you don't!" Action Hero Ash declares, and dives in after it, while in her capsule with Pikachu and Manaphy, May tells him to hurry, please hurry. Above the water, The Blue Lagoon awaits, and rising beneath the surface, Elizabeth prays while Brock and Max look about in concern. Jack's sub surfaces and Chatot flies out as Jack learns that May and Ash haven't come back yet.
Inside the temple, Ash reaches the bottom and with a mighty effort pulls the crystal clear, but he runs out of air and releases the crystal, rising towards the surface as the crystal falls.
Inside the Capsule, May prays for Ash not to give up, and Manaphy reads out with an antenna and pulses red light through the room, and May's prayers reach Ash, waking him from what was about to be a VERY long sleep. He kicks up to the surface and sucks in air, then dives again, plummeting to the bottom and grabbing up the crystal, then swimming as fast as he can towards the Sea Crown and does what every boy must eventually do if he wants to become a man.
He jams something hard as quickly and suddenly as he can into a hole!
Light bursts from the Sea Crown and surrounds a now breathless Ash, as the almost full sphere of the sinking Sea Temple crashes again rock, then fills with tendrils of light that lend it buoyancy, lifting it high as the water inside sinks back to the original half full point. A yellow tendril grabs up the capsule with May, Pikachu and Manaphy inside, while outside the Temple, Jack, Elizabeth, Brock and Max are submerging again to find Ash and May when they find themselves surrounded by Water Pokemon of all shapes and sizes, including the massive Wailord and.... then something that dwarfs even that.
Kyogre!
They swim down towards the rising Temple, as above the surface the sun has risen and Wingull are flocking above The Blue Logan as.... the Temple of the Sea rises above it!
May opens the Capsule and finds herself in fresh air, the sphere gone but the Temple above water now. Ma realises that Ash must have done this and looks about for him, but she can't find him... surely that doesn't mean.... and then all those thoughts are snatched away as The Phantom bursts from the seawater behind Manaphy and scoops it up, zipping away on his portable propulsion device, laughing that as long as he has it he can always find the Temple.
But The Phantom forgot one little thing - something that guys like him ALWAYS forget!
The chance that a ten year old boy will be surrounded by a streaking tendril of yellow energy that will burst forth from an ancient Temple that has been sailing invisible beneath the waves of the ocean for countless generations!
Seriously, gets them every time!
The Phantom tries to dodge, but he can't lose Ash, and the two chase each other in circles as the continually unreasonable Phantom refuses to give up what isn't his, twisting about as Ash dives and leaps in and out of the water, watched by Kyle, Shep, Meredith, Buizel and a delighted - if confused - Corphish from The Blue Lagoon. Kyle can't understand how Ash is doing it, but Shep does - whosoever wears the Crown will be King of the Sea, and Ash restored the Crown of the Sea which means.... Ash is a King!
He chases The Phantom in ever tightening twists deeper and deeper until he finds himself surrounded by Remoraid, then caught up in a school of Wailord and then...... caught on the back of Kyogre itself and lifted bodily out of the ocean and into the air.... and brings Manaphy straight into Ash's arms.
But as the twerps celebrate, the Phantom returns.... gripping onto his REAL Submarine, the massive drill-head abomination of the deep! Galen warns him that they're being attacked by Wailord (not something you ever want to say) and Phantom orders him to activate Supersonic, sending out pulses of high frequency sound that push the Pokemon away. Buizel and Corphish try to shield their ears from the noise even on the Blue Lagoon, Shep warning they've becoming confused, and even Manaphy is in pain, as the Phantom laughs that soon he will be King of the Sea.... and Manaphy hears and pulls free from Ash, singing itself, sending red light around the various Pokemon, calming them from the Supersonic.
And now Phantom's Submarine is under attack from roughly half the ocean's fucking Pokemon AT THE SAME TIME.....including Kyogre!
REALLY FUCKED!
With a massive burst of energy, Kyogre unleashes HELL on the Submarine, tearing destruction through its hull and interior, smashing helicopters, exploding machinery.... and as the smoke clears.... The Phantom is still standing!
"There are two types of men in this world," Phantom grunts, the machinery buttressing his body working to keep the Submarine from collapsing around him,"Those who are completely crushed.... and those who do the crushing."
"Woah, I didn't think a guy like that took vitamins," Jack quips in surprise after Brock figures out he is wearing a Mecha-Suit.
He growls he is not the type to be crushed, not him.... and the finally his suit gives out and he is crushed beneath the weight of his own submarine.
Good!
Manaphy swims down beside May in the submarine and presses its face against the window, while "King" Ash flies along on the other side. Shortly after, all of them get a chance to receive the blessing of the Temple as they are surrounded in tendrils of yellow light and send flying above and below the water, swimming amongst the Pokemon, Manaphy and Kyogre, seeing what The People of the Water once saw, the tendrils of light forming a giant crown over the entire Temple. Watching from the ruins of the Phantom's submarine, Jack laughs that THIS is the Sea Crown, and The Phantom - struggling to get clear of the crushing situation he's found himself in - just growls and curses.
As the sun begins to set, the sphere surrounds the Temple again and it starts to submerge once again, and Manaphy goes down with it. But as it disappears, Manaphy reappears, skipping through the water, calling out to May. She rushes down a deck and it leaps into her arms with a cry of,"HAPPPPYYYY!"
She hugs it and tells it she is proud of it, and asks it not to forget her.
"Love you.... May," it responds, and when she gasps that she loves it, it tells her once again that it loves her, calling her Momma before leaping into the water and disappearing.
Well goddammit, someone must have just jabbed me in the eyes or something. Fuck.
Max asks May if she is all right and she says no, she isn't... but she will be. They all stand staring out over the ocean, while down below the waves, Manaphy swims down to join it's Temple of the Sea.
And so there the movie ends, Gentle Dodgers - the last movie to feature May and Max (so far). As always we end with a series of still shots or short pieces of animation to tell the last part of the story. We see the Marina Group waving their goodbyes to the twerps; Jack flirting with Officer Jenny while "his" Chatot hangs around; Galen and the other captured pirates; a pretty foggy mountain scene where Jack continues to ENSLAVE Pokemon to use as tools before moving on, including a FUCKING ZAPDOS FOR CHRIST'S SAKE YOU DON'T ENSLAVE A ZAPDOS, TAKE CONTROL OF ITS MIND, USE IT AND THEN GO ON WITH YOUR BUSINESS; Team Rocket being burst to freedom from the spout of a Wailord (oh my!); Kyogre swimming through the ocean; the Temple of the Sea; the twerps in a forest at night around a campfire; and then continuing on their journey, ever onwards with one slight difference. Now May has been a mother, at only 10 years old!
Hands up who was actually surprised!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "So... I'm a Mum?"
 "Dis joint's full of treasure if yer firsty!"
 "There's no room in this tub for a tub!" "Try a cruise ship!""Go walk da plank, crank!"
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