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Pokemon 5: Heroes
Even Unprotected Kissing Can Lead To Unplanned Pregnancies! |
O'Brien smiled at me as I sat in the chair, hands tied behind my back and a cage over my head and a platform leading up to my face.
"The rat, although a rodent, is car-" he started.
"DO IT TO BRANDON! DO IT TO BRANDON! NOT ME! BRANDON! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO TO HIM. TEAR HIS FACE OFF, STRIP HIM TO THE BONES. NOT ME! BRANDON! NOT ME!" I shouted.
"Oh...." grunted O'Brien, sounding disappointed,"Are you sure you don't want to hear my spe-"
"Brandon, do it to him," I repeated, more calmly,"He won't mind, he's a good sport."
"Fine," sighed O'Brien, unlocking the cage and untying my bonds,"I swear, Winston was a lot more fun than you."
I stood up and stretched, then turned to leave as Brandon was led in, smiling broadly and making happy chit-chat with the guards behind him.
"Sup," he said to me, grinning.
"Sup," I replied with a casual wave of my hand.
"WAIT!" roared O'Brien, and I froze in place before turning to face him. He walked up to me, then handed me the item that had gotten me into this problem to begin with,"Don't forget that, you're far enough behind on these as it is."
"Cheers," I replied, turning as Brandon happily sat down in the chair I had just vacated, asking innocently what it was for.
"And don't forget, Tim," smiled O'Brien,"Big Bro-"
"Yeah yeah, Big Brother loves me, yeah we've always been at war with whoever, whatever," I grunted, leaving the room as I heard Brandon coo at the "fluffy ratty" he'd just been introduced to, clutching the DVD case to my chest. I'd sacrificed a friend, but it was worth it, because now I could finally bring everyone the tale of...
Pokemon: Heroes.
The movie gets the familiar opening of Brock narrating about the world of Pokemon making dreams come true. Then we get a few shots of Pokemon swimming and sleeping and getting their asses bitten and walking through dirt and looking for James' heads to rape and Ashs to chase and singing songs before seeing what Pokemon is really all about.
PSEUDO-COCK FIGHTING!
We learn about Ash and Pikachu, and companions Misty and Brock, and then we fade to black before returning to two pretty young ladies in a dark room looking over a book and whispering harshly to each other about the images inside of two strange Pokemon - Latios and Latias. Suddenly the ladies cut off as they hear approaching footsteps, and we find the darkened room they're in is some kind of library or museum. As a security guard approaches they quickly dart out the window, revealing they dressed in skimpy tight leather and have VERY athletic looking bodies. They take the book with them, leaving behind a rose as they zip down a wire to their waiting car. They zoom away with the pedal to metal, and actually zoom off the side of a cliff and..... it turns into a jet that lets them fly through the air!
Oh my, it turns out these two skimpily leather clad women are international thieves with a bunch of cool gadgets looking to steal a powerful hidden weapon, get their hands on a giant jewel and also steal Latios and Latias for Team Rocket's Giovanni! They're bad girls wearing hardly any clothes, Gentle Dodgers, doesn't that just make you sick and disgusted, you just want to grab them and give them a damn good spanking and....
Oh.... ummm, yeah, you'll probably want to just ignore that last, easily-deleted-but-for-some-reason-not sentence.
After seeing the opening logo, we open in Alto Mare, a lovely historic looking seaside city. A group of people stand on small pods holding leashes attached to various Water Pokemon in one of the canals that criss-crosses the City. They're taking part in a famous annual race, and Ash and Misty have taken some time out of their journey to take part. Brock holds Togepi and watches with Pikachu from a bridge, and a Xatu with Natu standing on its head kick things off, starting the race. The contestants take off as Brock gets distracted by a pretty girl, meaning he misses Pikachu fall off the bridge and land on Ash's face, giving it a good humping as Ash and Misty battle it out with another trainer to take the lead as they zoom through the canals of the pretty little town.... and are followed by bizarre, invisible creatures of some sort.
As they zoom along, they pass an excited Team Rocket scoffing down food as they too enjoy a well-deserved holiday in the lovely seaside locale. But of course, the rules of this show say that Team Rocket can never be happy, and they're splashed with water and lose their food... the poor bastards.
Brock screams in excitement as he watches Ash taking the lead, but the girl beside him heads off when she spots some real friends, and he instead finds himself getting come on to by a made-up old woman when he twists to brag to her.
Ash is knocked off of his ride but lands on one of the strange invisible creatures that has been following the race. It then grabs Totodile and zooms them forward, Ash laughing that he doesn't know what has gotten into Totodile as it in turn laughs with insane delight and dances along the water kicking its little legs happily as it is carried along, giving him the lead. But then a larger invisible creature grabs the smaller one and zooms Ash ahead even further, and then zips him down a side-canal as Ash screams at Totodile to stop it and then gets sent rushing off of the pod and up a set of steps, over the side and into the canal. Misty is left in competition with the winner from the previous year, Ross, just managing to beat him as the horn of Corsola gets them across the finish line first.
As Ash tells Totodile that everyone makes mistakes and it hugs him with lunatic delight, the invisible creatures head off deep into the city. Ash is picked up by Misty and Brock, who are now sitting in a gondola being punted along by the runner-up , Ross, who probably wasn't expecting to take two other guys along with him when he macked on Misty after the race.
He punts them along on his gondola as Misty looks at her prize amulet, noting the two Pokemon-like inscriptions etched into it. They match by two statues atop pillars in a nearby courtyard, and Ross explains they are statues of Latios and Latias - also known as The Guardians of the City. The two mysterious Pokemon have not been seen in a long time... possibly because there is nothing to guard, Alto Mare has been at peace for years.
An odd mechanical orb with a drill-head and spider-like legs flies through the city and lands on a ledge, looking about. It beams back information to the two Ladies from the start of the movie, a white haired girl with a short hair-cut called Oakley and her "companion" Annie, a blonde with a bizarre twisted side-spiral hairdo. They've been looking for Latios or Latias, hoping to follow them back to what they REALLY want, the "Soul Jewel" and a device called the TMA. Oakley notes that the Pokemon are capable of changing form to look like humans, but their scanners should be capable of picking up the true form despite that. They note a young girl moving amongst the people of Alto Mare that doesn't register as human, and immediately leap into a speedboat and zoom along in search of it. As they travel, they pass by Team Rocket who have settled down eagerly for ice-cream.... only for another splash of water to ruin even that good time.
The poor bastards.
But then James recognises them, it's Annie and Oakley! He thinks they are "Spies" for Giovanni, though evidently that is more of something they do as an aside to their life as INTERNATIONAL THIEVES!
I mean seriously, how cool would it be to have that on your resume?
Ross drops off the twerps to get ice cream after failing to get his own "treat" from Misty. They rush off to get some ice-cream, but Pikachu takes a side-alley to grab a drink of water from a fountain where a Vaporeon is drinking. But as it arrives at the pump, the girl who turned on the water for the Vaporeon turns it off and leaves, and Pikachu realises that its chubby little paws and lack of thumbs mean it won't be able to turn it on. But then the young girl in the short skirt arrives and turns it on. Pikachu smiles gratefully and buries its head under the water, and then Ash comes charging into the little square and completely ignores the girl to cry out happily if it wants some ice-cream. But while he has ignored the girl, it seems she hasn't ignored him as she zooms up to him and then.... sniffs him!?!
She walks around him as he stares in confusion, then runs off down an alley, leaving behind a confused Ash and Pikachu. She passes some laughing kids, then heads on up a side alley, followed by Annie and Oakley who aren't fooled by her human appearance. They flick on a pair of shades, and we get to see she is a Latias, one of the "Guardians" of Alto Mare.
They pull up beside her with matching smirks, asking her about her outfit while she stares at him wordlessly. Pulling out a pair of Pokeballs, they send out an Espeon and Ariados which immediately chase after her, attracting Pikachu's attention back in the square. The girl runs but it cut off by Ariados, then grabbed by String Shot as Annie and Oakley pull up, chuckling and asking her why she was running... and then Ash rushes up to demand to know what they're doing. Annie and Oakley seem bemused by this small boy menacing them, and tell him they're just trying to prevent a fashion crime. They watch in amusement as he begins tearing away the Stringshot as he growls at them that this is no way to go about it, then have Espeon hit Ash with a Psychic Attack. He grits his teeth in pain and reacts just as you'd expect.
He has Pikachu Thunderbolt the shit out of them!
Annie pitches over the side into the water, furious that her outfits is ruined! They send Espeon and Ariados after the running Ash, Pikachu and Latias-Girl, charging down impressively 3-dimensional streets (for no reason considering how pretty the backgrounds have been drawn) and finding themselves lost in the narrow streets. The Latias-Girl takes over, grabbing Ash's arm and dragging him away until he reaches a balcony overlooking a square and discovers.... Misty and Brock! They sit waving at him and call out that the ice-cream is great, it's a shame he missed out on it. He looks around in surprise and discovers that the girl has disappeared, while an oblivious Misty and Brock cry out that they're going to head over to the museum.
Annie and Oakley head back to their base where Annie strips out of her wet leather and presumably her "companion" helps her get good and swea... clean. Oakley pops back onto her computer and checks out her Spy-Orbs, spotting Ash and Pikachu and figuring if they keep an eye on him, they'll eventually find the Latias as well.
Inside the museum, the twerps approach the fossilised remains of two Pokemon in the very floor of the museum. A fat bald bearded man with intensely wide eyes shoots up beside them looking like he wants to tell them about the Government RADIOWAVES THAT GET INTO YOUR HEAD but instead tells them that these are the remains of two Pokemon. They are an Aerodactyl and Kabutops that once terrorised Alto Mare until being stopped by the TMA, The Defence Mechanism of Alto Mare - a huge, impressive construct up a set of stairs just past the fossilised remains. As Brock stares at the light from the stained glass window and proclaims he has seen the light and he WILL meet a girl here, Fatty McBeardyBald - Lorenzo - tells them that in the past, an Evil Trainer had his Kabutops and Aerodactyl attack the city and the people lived in fear. But then a Latios came and gave its power to the TMA, creating a massive wave from the sea that drowned the Attacking Pokemon and saved the city.
Wait a fucking second, they DROWNED IT!?! Fucking hardcore!
Ash looks up and spots a young girl painting on an upper balcony, and recognises her as the girl from earlier. He moves up and puts his hands on the TMA to get a closer look, and Lorenzo becomes enraged, screaming at him not to touch it.
Hmm, wide eyes, a friendly garrulous nature changing to a sudden mood-swing to fury.... if this dude ain't on the crystal meth, then he's got some seriously fucked up brain chemistry. Ash gasps that it was an accident as Misty gapes in horrified embarrassment at his faux pas, but Ash ignores her, unable to take his eyes off of the girl....
Well, that'll make Misty feel better!
He rushes off and leaves behind Misty and Brock, chasing the girl by glimpses as a jaunty theme plays, and you could be forgiven for thinking you were watching a European Romantic Farce rather than a Pokemon movie. As Ash chases after her, Annie and Oakley follow him with their spy camera. He keeps yelling at the girl, but she just looks pissed, snapping at him that she doesn't know him, and he keeps on chasing through the narrow streets until he realises he hasn't a clue where she is. He rushes off in a completely random direction, wondering why she is acting like she never saw him before, and then spots her standing on a bridge smiling at him before rushing off again.
It IS a European Romantic Farce!
He chases her down the alleyways as she continually pauses to let him keep within reach but not quite get to her. He finds himself at the entrance to a pretty garden and walks down the entrance corridor past two Pidgey bathing in a pond, and then spots the girl standing in front of a wall... and then she runs through it!
It's a European Romantic SUPERNATURAL Farce!
Pikachu runs through the wall too and Ash hesitates only a second before following suit, and enters a world of blackness. He strides through into the light and finds himself inside a building leading out into a massive garden teeming with Pokemon, and spots the girl moving through the bushes and gives chase once more, calling out to her. Running around a corner he spots her swinging on a swing (considering how short her skirt is, that isn't a great idea) and then a wind kicks up and the large invisibly-cloaked creature from the start of the movie appears in a burst from the water and zooms straight for Ash.
Holy crap, it's European Romantic Supernatural Farce Versus Predator!
It twists past Ash, kicking up water, then zooms forward as Pikachu tries to hit it with Thunderbolt only to get knocked over. It comes back around for another go, but then the girl leaps into the way, causing the creature to pull up short, kicking up a wind that blows around her hair and her skirt, giving Ash an eyeful.
It's invisibility fades revealing a strange blue and white Pokemon and Ash recognises it from the statues, it is a Latios! Ash can't understand why it is so angry, and then... the girl shows up demanding to know what is going on... the same girl standing beside Ash!
The new girl doesn't take Ash's stammered,"WHAFUCK!?!" explanation for his presence in her garden as gospel truth and orders Latios to attack him, but then Lorenzo appears and calls a halt to the action. He names the girl as Bianca and tells her that Ash doesn't mean any harm, and as Ash gapes in recognition of Lorenzo, the other identical girl is introduced.... her name is Latias!
She eagerly rushes Ash over to the swing and plops him down in it, swinging him back and forth as he grunts that he thought Latias was a Pokemon Name, and then she reveals her true form. He collapses onto his face and it pulls him up and flies around him as Latios approaches Pikachu and.... licks it! Pikachu apparently takes getting licked as an invitation to play (I wish girls were like that) and it runs from Latios and Latias as they fly through the air with it, crying out in ear-splitting high screeches that make you realise just why Latias never spoke while in Bianca's form.
Ash is walked through the garden by Bianca and Lorenzo, and they explain to him that Latias can take the form of humans. Since Bianca is its best friend, it takes her form more often than not, but then it flies down towards them and we discover it is a bit more interested in Ash that Bianca right now. Latias grabs Ash's cap and flies about as he chases it laughing, and as he grabs it back, Latios' eyes suddenly start glowing and it flies down through an underwater tunnel. Latias' eyes also glow and then suddenly the world around Ash, Bianca and Lorenzo turns into the view through Latios' eyes. Lorenzo explains that this is Sight-Sharing, an ability that lets people see through the eyes of Pokemon, and it is a rare privilege indeed, saved only for those the Pokemon truly feel for.
Oh man, Latios is straight up macking its daughter on Ash!
Bianca explains that Lorenzo - her Grandfather - has known them since they were babies, children of the original Latios that brought water to the city, saving them from the Aerodactyl and Kabutops. That, however, took all the energy from it and it died, leaving in its place a crystal gem called The Soul Jewel - the very one that Annie and Oakley are hoping to steal. Ash looks at diagrams on tiles beneath their feet and recognises the TMA, and then is shown the Soul Jewel in a pool in the midst of the garden. Lorenzo warns Ash that the Soul Jewel contains great power and in the wrong hands could destroy the city, so it must never leave this location... or in other words, he shouldn't tell anyone about it. He agrees, and then Latias shoves its crotch against his ass.
Well... well it does!
It lifts him into the air to fly him about playfully, lifting him too high for its strength to handle and dropping him down, only for Latios to save him and land him safely. It wants to play more but Ash says he has to go and find his friends, but they'll play again later. Bianca and Lorenzo take him away as Latios and Latias fly about... watched by Annie and Oakley's spy-orb.
Lorenzo takes Ash into his workshop where he builds Gondolas, and then outside where Bianca leads Ash onto a speedboat and down the canals. He asks her why the two ladies were chasing her before and when she stares at him blankly, he realises that they were actually after Latias.
Yes, Ash only just realised this.
Well he is, of course, incredibly flummoxed. Why would anyone want to chase after an incredibly rare Pokemon?
Wow, maybe he should meet Team Rocket one day!
And speaking of Annie and Oakley, later that night we find them greased up and limber, moving their bodies in unnatural positions, grunting and moaning as they strain and twist themselves in exhilarating, exciting and dangerous positions. What they are doing together is a violation of God's law, and yet watching it you can only think that you wish you could do the same, that you could be involved, that you could throw yourselves with reckless abandon into this exciting, forbidden world and....
GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!
Yes, Annie and Oakley are getting their parkour on. They leap and flip over the roofs of Alto Mare, heading towards Lorenzo's inner-city garden and the Soul Jewel. As they move though, they are followed by unseen observers themselves... Team Rocket!
Yes, Jesse, James and Meowth are following after the thieves they wrongly think are on a mission for Giovanni, when selling the two rare Pokemon to the Crime Lord is merely a secondary diversion for them as they seek to fulfill their own goals of gaining illicit wealth. Meowth is - of course - a cat and had a certain built in grace; James took modern dance as a land; and Jesse is... well Jesse has got one hell of a body.
And yet, despite all this, their efforts to follow the parkour-like movements of Annie and Oakley proves futile, as they slip and slide and scream and pitch over the side of the roofs and towards the a certain lethal fall far below. But as they fall, they slam into the cross-bar of a lamp-post, crashing onto each other and moaning that that was a close one. And then Wobbuffet pops out of its Pokeball to agree happily, the extra weight sending them crashing into the ground as they cry out,"TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OF-"
Boom!
Meanwhile, a wide-eyed Lorenzo is up working late, yet another sign of that demonic Crystal Meth coursing through his system as he shaves away a Gondola with wide eyes. Espeon enters his workshop and gets his attention, then promptly knocks him out with a Psychic Attack. Annie and Oakley enter, grinning in delight as they realise they're closer than ever to their prize. They enter the garden where Latios and Latias are sleeping, Latios awakening when it hears the movement of wind-devices letting them know someone has entered the Garden. It flies towards them but they easily and gracefully flip aside as Latias joins Latios, but Annie and Oakley's confidence takes a dip when the two rare Pokemon quickly turn invisible. But they've come prepared, and slide on sunglasses that reveal the two Pokem0n to them, and they are able to direct their Pokemon's attacks. They blast Latios before throwing a strange electronic sheath at it, capturing it. Latias flies at them but gets hit by Psybeam, and Latios has to push itself into the way to protect it from the Ariados and Espeon as it yells at Latias to escape. They throw another sheath at Latias but Latios again manages to get in the way, and Latias escapes through the underground tunnel. But the two INTERNATIONAL THIEVES figure that one is enough, and then pull the Soul Jewel clear of the pool before gasping orgasmically over how pretty it is. As Annie stares in delight at the jewel, Oakley uses her computer to check the etchings in the ground, delighted to find that it contains more information than in the book they stole at the start of the movie. There is a secret code contained within that explains how the TMA works... but also warns that if the TMA is used at an inappropriate time, the waters will recede and the Soul Jewel be destroyed. But the two worldly girls figure that must just be a fake threat designed to scare people away from using the power of the TMA for themselves... surely nothing can go wrong.
And as they smirk over "their" Soul Jewel, the waters in the pools around them begin to dry up.
Latias emerges from the canals in town as Lorenzo and Bianca rush to find the Soul Jewel gone, and Annie and Oakley enter the museum. Ariados drops Latios onto a tile in the museum that immediately lights up and lifts it into the air, surrounding it with metallic circles as the TMA opens up for the first time in decades, the metallic struts receding into the ground.
Bianca and Lorenzo show up shortly after, knowing that anyone that knows the Soul Jewel exists will also know what it is for. They demand to know what Annie and Oakley are doing, and their response is to blast them with a Psychic Attack from Espeon, knocking them both out. Oakley approaches the interior of the TMA followed by Annie, who pops the Soul Jewel into a slit on the machine that starts it spinning about, much to her delight as she cries out,"LOOK AT IT GO!"
Meanwhile, Latias enters the Pokemon Centre where the twerps sleep in their bunk beds, Brock clutching tightly to a pillow like the woman he'll never have. Ash wakes and sees the girl standing in the room and thinks it is Bianca, but when she hugs him and starts trembling he realises it is Latias.
Apparently he is used to clutching trembling Pokemon tightly to him?
He sits the others down and explains what she is, and she changes form back into Latias, much to the shock of their eyes and the pain of their ears.
Inside the museum, Bianca and Lorenzo have been strung up with Stringshot, but they're not entirely incapacitated as long as their mouths are free. Bianca calls out to Latios to open its eyes and use Sight-Sharing to show Latias where they are. The TMA is in full swing now, spinning about and bringing a metallic pod down beside Annie and Oakley, designed for the TMA Operator to sit in. Latios tries to break out of its cage, but when it can't it uses Sight-Sharing to show the twerps what it is seeing, and Ash realises Bianca and Lorenzo have been captured and the Soul Jewel stolen.
At the museum itself, Oakley steps into the control centre, a panel appearing before her and enabling her to bring Kabutops and Aerodactyl back to life as zombies. She orders them to find Lat-
Hang on a second, zombie Pokemon!?! Holy shit!
Oakley orders them to find Latias and they head off, Latios calling out either a shrill warning or an attempt to shatter Aerodactyl's ears with its horrific voice. As Sight-Sharing fades out, Oakley roars with laughter, declaring that the TMA gives her the power to lock down the entire city, and that's just what she is going to do!
Team Rocket, meanwhile, have decided they've had enough of the city and are looking for a way out, only for the TMA defence systems to lock down the city. Bars and blockades shoot up, locking down alleys and windows, houses and balconies. Ash, Pikachu and Latias leap out just in time but Misty and Brock are trapped, and he calls out that he is going to the museum. He gets into a gondola and starts punting towards the museum, following Latias' direction.
At the museum, Annie seems a little taken aback as Oakley roars with laughter and kicks the TMA into a higher gear.
Ash punts along as silently behind him Aerodactyl swoops down and grabs Latias. Ash leaps onto its back and orders a Thunderbolt, and Aerodactyl drops them into the water. Latias turns invisible and continues on its way as Ash is left behind with Pikachu to deal with Aerodactyl. Latias flies back and scoops up Ash as he hits the bottom of the canal, and he splutters and humps against Latias as he hits the surface.
Well this is hardly the time.
Ash spots two of the pods from the start of the movie, and they use them to get dragged by Latias along the canals followed by Aerodactyl, which zooms up close to Ash only to hit a building and crash against it. Meanwhile, Brock and Misty have gotten out of their room but can't get to the canal itself. Realising that Ash will need help, they send out their own Pokemon to help, then Brock starts climbing up the railings holding him, apparently having only thought of that AFTER sending away the Pokemon that could have smashed through them like they were nothing.
As Ash continues along the canal, the decidedly creepy Zombie-Kabutops chases after him and knocks him out of the water. Luckily for Ash though, Corsola, Crobat and Politoed show up having apparently followed the tracking device implanted in his head or something. They knock Kabutops back against the wall and then into the canal as Ash cheers them on.
Inside the museum, Latios is being zapped with energy as it is used to power the TMA, and Oakley is focusing in on Latias leading Ash towards them. Lorenzo yells at her to free Latios before it is too late, but she laughs that she doesn't care if they whole town dries up, with the TMA she has the power to take over the entire world!
Annie is taken aback by her "partner's" sudden desire to conquer the world, which doesn't really fit in with their usual M.O of stealing pretty things and living a fabulous life of wealth and luxury.... she just wants to steal pretty things and wear nice clothes!
Oakley turns up the juice on Latios, playing with the currents and tides to create a giant blast of water directly in front of Ash and Latias, zooming straight towards them. They rush up into the Courtyard ahead of the museum, but find themselves surrounded by walls of water and are swept up inside of them as Oakley controls the water with hand gestures, chuckling that she is really getting good. Ash and Pikachu struggle for breath and Latias..... blows the water the fuck up!
Having loosely defined powers sure comes in handy sometimes!
Oakley's control panel fractures as the water dissipates, and then the TMA goes out of control, spinning Oakley and the Soul Jewel about wildly and zapping more and more power from Latios. Ash and Latias arrive in the museum and Ash doesn't waste time, Thunderbolting a surprised Annie and her Espeon before blasting Bianca and Lorenzo free. As Latias bashes against Latios' cage, the machine is running out of control and Annie screams for help from Oakley, who can't exactly do anything about it.
Ash tells Pikachu to try a Thundershock to get Latios out, but its cage reflects the energy back at them, and Ash reacts to this desperate situation in the only way he knows.
He runs and yells.
Yes, he runs and yells directly at the spinning metallic cage and gets knocked on his ass immediately. So he reacts to this desperate situation in the only way he knows.
He runs and yells again.
Once more he is knocked on his ass, but it seems he has done some good. Latias has seen his efforts and follows suit, eyes glowing blue as it smashes into the metallic spinning bars and drives through the energy barrier, bringing it down. Ash, Lorenzo and Bianca pull Latios free, and with its power source gone, the TMA shuts down. Latias nuzzles up to Latios and it seems to be okay, and Annie leaps up to the control pod to wake up Oakley, telling her she got a little in over her head, and suggests maybe they should get out of here.... but first they need to get the Soul Jewel. She turns to grab it, and notes with confusion that it has gone all "black and weird". She goes to grab it as Lorenzo screams at her not to, but it is too late.
Annie and Oakley are knocked back into the control pod which seals shut and then starts spinning about, the TMA going crazy as its pylons and struts tear out of the ground and lock in strange positions. Lorenzo explains that the Soul Jewel has been out of the water too long, and now all the water is leaving the city!
The twerps run outside and stare in shock at the now dry city, and Lorenzo warns that this isn't the worst part, the worst part is that... it's coming back.
All of it.
At once.
No wonder Lorenzo has such wide eyes!
The tidal wave floods back in as Latios and Latias burst towards it at top speed, eyes glowing first, and then their entire bodies as they merge into a ball of white light and smash directly into the wave. The wall of water is shattered and broken, softening the oncoming rush and bringing it down to a lower, slower, less destructive level.
Latias opens its eyes inside the light and finds Latios glowing white, and they touch paws together for a moment before Latios disappears in a burst of light, repeating history as once more a Latios gives its life to save the city. The wave washes in through the canals, a thin sheet running over the lanes and alleys as Team Rocket stagger to the canal and drop on their asses, Jesse moaning she would kill for a bath, and then gets her wish as they're washed away together, proclaiming,"TEAM ROCKET's BLA-gurgle-blah-gah-blurge!"
The defensive bars and grids around the city fade as Kabutops and Aerodactyl disappear back into fossilised remains, and the inhabitants of the city wake to discover some strange things have gone on over night. Inside the TMA, Annie and Oakley blame each other for a lack of self-control as their Ariados and Espeon watch on, fascinated by their feuding, possibly lesbian masters.
The twerps, Lorenzo and Bianca sail a gondola out into the sea calling out for Latias and Latios, and find Latias being carried through the water towards them by Water Pokemon. They take it on board the Gondola and ask where Latios is, and it looks at the beam of light still lifting into the sky and they realise it has died. Suddenly Latias activates Sight-Sharing, and they see what Latios is seeing..... oh my....
It's the Earth!
The light surrounding them suddenly glows bright, then turns small and travels down into Bianca's hands, and then they're on the Gondola, settling its weight back into the water as Bianca finds herself holding a fresh Soul Jewel, all that is left of Latios.
They return to the garden and place it in the pool as the waters return in strength as the day progresses on for a town that has no idea how close it came to total destruction.
Later, the twerps pull up beside Lorenzo's workshop in a boat, saying that they're leaving. He says Bianca was going to head out to the market but she might still be around, and he calls out to her but gets no answer, and says she must have left. But as they pull away, inside Bianca's room her cap and a sketch is grabbed, and as they twerps move through the canals they spot Bianca running along the bridge beside them, waving to them. Ash calls to the driver to pull over by the dock, and Ash gets out as Bianca runs up. He says hey but she doesn't reply, just hands him the sketch and.... then kisses him on the cheek!
Brock is horrified, spinning about in place as he sees Ash once again get a kiss from a girl ahead of him, while Misty is just plain shocked, even going so far as to drop Togepi out of her hands!
Bianca runs off without saying a word, and Misty asks the question, was that Bianca or Latias? And Brock replies,"I don't know, but I am... EXTREMELY JEALOUS!"
He's jealous even if it was a Pokemon? Oh Brock, you so desperate!
Ash unrolls the sketch and sees it is of him and Pikachu, and smiles before getting back into the boat as they head out into the sea, and he sees what appears to be three Latios and Latias cloaked in invisibility flying through the air as they head on towards their next destination.
Hang on a second? Where did the new ones come from? How do Latias procreate? Just what happened during that kiss? Is Ash a Daddy!?!?!
But we must leave those questions, Gentle Dodgers, because the end credits are rolling over a few final scenes. We see the last of the pretty town of Alto Mare; workmen at the TMA under Lorenzo's command; Annie and Oakley getting out of their control pod only to find themselves surrounded by a bunch of police under Officer Jenny's command; and then their extracurricular activities in ladies prison that sadly doesn't involve lots of soap and oil, but a book on Lawrence III and his bizarre floating fortress; then the twerps settled on a cliff top overlooking the sea as the sun sets; Bianca painting at the docks and enjoying a cool breeze up her short skirt; Lorenzo's secret garden and the wind-devices moving as the shadows of Latios and Latias fly by; the twerps heading along a cliff watched by Team Rocket from their giant Magikarp Submarine... only for Wobbuffet to pop out of its Pokeball and shock them off the pedals; and then the moon over a campsite as Brock cooks dinner for the others before they head on down the pretty seas-side cliff track as the camera moves up to show the lovely mountains and sea.
And all of those shots, as well as the quality of the animation in this movie and the beautiful settings and backgrounds prove one thing for certain.
This has been a very entertaining movie and a lot of fun, but more than anything else, it is been the prettiest Pokemon Movie so far.
| BEST QUOTES |
   "TEAM ROCKET's BLA-gurgle-blah-gah-blurge!" "Was that Bianca... or Latias?" "I don't know, but I am... EXTREMELY JEALOUS!""
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