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Don't mack on your own son, that's just gross. |
"RUN!" screamed Brandon,"FOR THE GREATER GOOD!"
I gaped for a moment, then turned tail and ran as I heard the familiar zap and saw the familiar flash of a Dalek beam firing on my good friend.
"I.... is that.... all you got," chuckled Brandon's voice as I turned the corner, and once more I heard the Dalek scream,"EXTERMINATE!"
And then there was silence.
"Damn you, Daleks, damn you to hell," I sobbed, clutching the precious case they had been protecting to my chest. Brandon had bought me time, but I had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, death was coming.
And then a wheezing, whirring sound filled the corridors of the Secret Base, and my eyes widened as a blue police box appeared in front of me. The door opened, and a blonde woman stepped out, energy curling around her body, eyes lit up with power.
"I am the Bad Wolf," she stated,"I make my-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" shouted Lex, appearing from nowhere and socking the woman in the face, knocking her down. She grabbed my wrist and pulled me inside the TARDIS, slamming the doors shut behind me and hitting a switch.
Outside, the TARDIS wheezed and whirred and disappeared, and the woman looked up, light gone from her eyes and confusion on her face,"Doctor?"
"EXTERMINATE!" screamed the Dalek, and fired on her.
2007
I stepped out of the TARDIS into my living room, then turned back to face Lex who had wrapped a scarf around her neck, put on a great overcoat and a crumpled brown hat.
"Where are you going now?" I asked.
"Oh, an adventure here, an adventure there... mainly I thought I'd go back in time and tell Ricky Martin to stick with the Spanish.... as for you, get to, you've got a movie review to write."
She stepped back into the TARDIS and it whirred its way away, leaving me holding the case that the Daleks had been desperate to protect. Inside was a DVD, and on that DVD was.....
POKEMON 4EVER!
God, what a stupid name.
And so the movie begins with a shot of the Earth in space, camera zooming slowly in (a slow zoom, eh!) as Brock's voice tells us that everybody has a dream, a journey, a destiny to fulfil.... and Pokemon help make dreams come true.
What if your dream is to live in a world without Pokemon?
We see various Pokemon in various landscapes, including the ocean, forests, cities (where we see a Porygon sitting sadly behind a chain link fence and a Weezing hating its life while Jigglypuff sings) and then Brock tells us about Ash Ketchum and Pikachu, who together are working to fulfil Ash's dream to become a Pokemon Master, joined by Misty and Brock himself.
But elsewhere and elsewhen, in a forest filled with huge trees, a strange green elf-like Pokemon swoops and zooms through the forest as it is chased by a Houndoom, which leaps and bites at it as a Scyther leaps through the trees and swipes at the Pokemon - Celebi - knocking it to the ground.
As it continues to flee, a young boy walks through the forest, with a mop of brown hair and ridiculous hanging locks of hair that are his poor attempt to have sideburns. An older (but still young) lady leaps down from a fallen giant tree as he approaches a tunnel leading into the forest, and warns him that he must listen for the Voice of the Forest. Apparently, the Voice of the Forest can twist you through time, so it he hears it he must stand still and try not to get its attention. He thanks her for the babbled warning of superstitious nonsense as she offers him a loaf of bread to have for lunch, and he heads on in.
Inside, the "Voice of the Forest" Celebi is getting smacked around, using Protect to fight off Houndoom's Flamethrower, only to be smacked by Scyther and knocked to the ground. A rangy one eyed man on a motorbike pulls up and laughs that he means to catch it and throws a strange cage like device at it, but Celebi dodges and flees deeper into the forest where the young boy is sketching Pokemon. He sees Celebi zoom past him chased by the Scyther and Houndoom and runs after it himself, finding it pinned down. He yells at them that two on one is not fair, and when Houndoom fires a Flamethrower at him, Celebi creates vines that wrap about its captors and allow it to get free. The boy grabs it in his arms as the Hunter arrives on his motorbike, demanding that he hand over the Celebi. The boy runs clutching Celebi, and then it lets out a scream as they reach a small shrine, light washing over the forest. The boy drops his sketchbook as light surrounds him and Celebi and then.... they're gone, leaving behind a shrine and a quiet forest.
The camera pulls back from the forest, and then we see we're actually looking at a photograph, a photograph on a wall of a trailer. Another photograph shows the one-eyed hunter and his Scyther and Houndoom, and then we see the hunter himself, far older now but still one eyed (apparently it doesn't grow back) being slammed against the wall by a large imposing figure as a snickering Sneasel watches on.
The big muscled man has a goatee and wears a mask and.... holy crap it's the lovechild of Rey Mysterio and Chris Jericho... it's Rey Myjericho!
He growls at the Hunter that he is here because he once heard that the Hunter almost caught a Celebi FORTY YEARS AGO but the Hunter refuses to talk. Rey Myjericho chuckles, and then walks them outside to where the Hunter's captured Pokemon are held. The Sneasel cuts loose a Tyranitar and then Rey Myjericho pulls out a strange black Pokeball, which he calls a Dark Ball. He captures the Tyranitar and explains that a Dark Ball instantly turns a Pokemon evil AND raises them to the highest level, and then calls out the Tyranitar that begins letting rip with massive bursts of Hyperbeam, burning everything the Hunter has to the ground as he drops to his knees and begs Rey Myjericho (who wears a Team Rocket top under his vest!) not to destroy his pitiful possessions, saying he'll tell them where to find the Celebi.
And Myjericho roars with laughter as the opening logo is displayed.
Elsewhere, we find Brock and Misty waiting for Ash by the ferry, which is ready to get going. But Ash is nowhere to be seen, so Brock sends out Crobat to find him.... and where is he? In a battle of course! Yes, Ash has gotten sidetracked in a fight that doubles as the opening credits as Ash's Pikachu beats the crap out of a random Australian's Croconaw, and ends by zapping both the Croconaw AND it's trainer. As he checks that the Aussie is okay, Crobat shows up and Ash realises they're late, so he cheeses it towards a waiting Brock and Misty who wave and get onto the ferry as Ash runs on the spot, blocked by the luggage cart. The ferry is all ready leaving by the time it clears, so Ash runs up the dock and leaps off of it, falling through the air as he reaches for Brock's hands and.... MISSES!
Yes but before the movie can end prematurely and turn into a PSA about drowning, a gloved hand grabs the back of his jacket and hauls him up onto the ferry. The man who rescued Ash tells them all about how there are all sorts of odd Pokemon in the forest, and offers to take them off at the next stop and take them to see the forest in his boat.
Oh God isn't that what happened at the start of Anaconda?
Pikachu spots an odd looking Pokemon, and Ash looks up and sees it too, an odd wolf-like Pokemon staring at him from the forest before rushing away. At the next stop, he puts in a call at the video-payphone on the street (how come we don't get cool video payphones on the street?) to Professor Oak and describes the Pokemon, Oak positing that it could have been Suicune, a legendary Pokemon said to represent the North Wind and capable of cleansing the most polluted waters. He tells Ash that he has seen one only once before, but before he can tell him where, their guide gives a shout and they have to say their goodbyes.
Back in Pallet, Oak looks over his book on Suicune and then at a picture of the forest, the same picture that was on the old Hunter's wall.... and asks himself if he should have told Ash.
Oooh, a mystery!
Back on the river, their guide is taking them through the forest as Togepi dances with delight at the thought of all these new and strange Pokemon to enslave, while above them.... TEAM ROCKET!
Yes they're in a pedal-powered hang-glider, ready to swoop in and capture Pikachu at any moment... until Jesse gets a cramp in her leg and leaves Meowth and James to do all the leg work, and they promptly go.... well.... umm... gliding off again!
Meanwhile the guide has brought the twerps upriver to a.... waterfall? Now what? Well he shows them, by hitting a button that converts the boat into a mini-zeppelin! They float up into the air past a rock spire and sail over the treetops to Arbourville, a village built in the trees!
Fucking awesome! It should be no-girls allowed to make it even better!
They land and the twerps head straight for the forest, which will take them through the tunnel from the beginning of the movie. But an old lady yells at them to stop, and then a young girl giggles that if they're going into the forest, they'll love what they see.
"I love what I see all ready!" giggles Brock, the girl introducing herself as Diana, granddaughter of the old lady who has been "guarding" the entrance for decades. Brock asks Diana if she wants to come in with them after the old lady warns them about the "Voice of the Forest" but Misty drags him off, and entering the forest they find a strange glow wrapping around the trees and then..... a small boy appears by a shrine further down the path! Realising he doesn't look well, they grab the boy and rush him back through the tunnel, calling out for Diana to come help them, but then the boy comes to and shoves Ash over, demanding to know what they did with Celebi.
Well the kid just appeared out of nowhere and has only just woken up from what seems to be a traumatic experience, so Ash's reaction is the only one possible. He grabs the kid and prepares to beat the shit out of him! But Brock pulls him back and demands they settle down, and Ash screams at him to tell him who he is....and the kid realises for the first time that he has no clue where he is.... and then the Grandmother runs up and hugs him and cries that he has finally come back!
Uhhh, come back from where? Diana asks and the Grandmother explains this is the boy who disappeared from the forest FORTY FUCKING YEARS AGO! How can that be? But the boy recognises her, she's older (forty years older boy howdy) but she's the same lady who gave him that loaf of bread.
They return to her tree-hut where she gives him his sketchbook, which she found forty years earlier by the shrine. Diana explains that her Grandmother always warned the Voice of the Forest could take you through time, and it seems she was right.
Meanwhile inside the forest, a FUCKING KICKING RAD mecha-spider-bot smashes its way through the forest.
But let's stop looking at cool robot/transports and go back to the old lady and the time travelling kid, where they've figured out that the kid was transported by Celebi. Diana's Grandmother figures that the Celebi has probably headed to "The Lake of Light" in the centre of the forest, as that is where legend says it lives. The kid says Celebi was hurt, and he has to go back into the forest to figure out if it is okay, and the twerps say they will come along as well, introducing themselves to the kid who tells them his name is Sam.
In the forest, Team Rocket lie in the branches amongst the wreckage of their glider, moaning that now they'll never find the twerps... and they walk directly underneath them!
The twerps continue on, spotting a couple of moss covered giant fallen tree trunks with a large number of Pokemon congregating on them. Ash decides to climb the vines to see what is going on, and is followed by Sam, who almost slips and has to be helped by Ash, who suggests he go wait back with Brock and Misty. But Sam doesn't want to be a member of the supporting cast; he wants to be a main event player dammit! They both climb up onto the trunk and find the Pokemon surrounding a small hollow between the trunks, and inside... Celebi!
Ash tells it they're here to help, and it blasts them back with a wall of force. Considering that it is hurt and frightened, as well as incredibly powerful with the ability to punch through the barriers of time and space, Ash's reaction is the only one possible. He roars and runs towards the Celebi to beat the shit out of it!
Celebi whips him away with controlled vines, and Sam tells Ash not to be mad, it's just afraid because it is hurt and was attacked by a hunter. Ash gets up and tells it he doesn't want to hurt it, just help, but it keeps whipping away, so Sam tells it that he helped it earlier, and they both say that if it takes things easy they will help again. Finally it relaxes, and lets Sam lift it up as the Pokemon run up around them again, and Celebi falls asleep.
They run along the ground (how did they get down from the giant trunks when they're carrying a Celebi?) heading back towards Arbourville, when a smoke bomb goes off in their faces and they look up to see Jesse and James standing dramatically on a tree limb.
"Prepare for trouble your future looks grim!" cries Jesse.
"And we're not afraid to go out on a limb!" adds James, as they twist and pose on the tree branch.
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
They shift poses again.
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse!"
"James!"
They clap their hands together.
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light"
"Hohohohoha!" laughs James,"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"Meowth dat's right!"
"Wobbbuuuuh!" starts Wobbuffet, appearing on the end of the branch and causing it to snap and send them crashing to the ground as the twerps rush on by... and directly into the kicking rad mecha-spider-bot which smashes a leg down in front of them, and in the cockpit Rey Myjericho chuckles and tells them he has been looking for their Celebi.
"Who are you?" demands Ash.
"A Pokemon lover," chuckles Rey Myjericho, as Team Rocket spot him and figure he must be trying to steal Pikachu, so they decide to fight him off and call out Weezing.
Myjericho calls out his "Dark" Tyranitar which blasts at the twerps with Hyperbeam, and they rush off as it prepares to attack... but then a smokescreen gets in its way... it's Weezing! Jesse laughs that two can play at the stealing game, and.... Tyranitar blows them the fuck away!
They recognise his mask and Meowth thinks he saw him in a movie (he IS Rey Myjericho!) but then Jesse and James correct him, it's THE IRON MASKED MARAUDER!
Oh man that sucks, we thought Rey Mysterio and Chris Jericho had a butt-baby.
He notes that they've heard of him and they point out that they're members of Team Rocket too, see, they even war the uniforms! Meowth says he would too, if they made one in Pokemon size, and The Iron Masked Marauder laughs and calls two more Pokemon out of his Dark ball, a Scizor and a Sneasel.
Meanwhile the twerps are still running, but Misty is continuing the downward spiral into suckiness that she started the day she got Togepi, complaining that she hurt her knee. Then Scizor and Sneasel appear and Ash prepares to fight them, and Sam wants to too, grabbing out a.... a shitty Pokeball that he has to unscrew to open!
Haha, he's from an older (and therefore shitty) time!
Ash calls out Bayleef and Sam calls out Charmeleon, and they set to fighting, Bayleef taking a beating from Scizor as it uses Doubleteam. Ash calls for it to concentrate on finding the real one, and it closes its eyes, picks out the real Scizor, Razor Leafs and then Vine Whips it back. Sam congratulates Ash who warns him about Sneasel, so Sam calls for a Headbutt and knocks it out. The two boys congratulate each other, Sam saying they make a great team.
The kicking-rad Mecha-Spider-Bot (with Team Rocket in back) trudges through the forest and finds Scizor and Sneasel tied up, and The Iron Masked Marauder laughs that they're not as wimpy as he thought, this will be interesting.
The twerps meanwhile have retreated deeper into the forest, and things get..... strange. A deep fog rolls in, and trudging out of the mist appears the imposing bulk an Ursaring, accompanied by a tiny Teddiursa. But instead of mauling them and leaving their entrails and a scratchy audio recording for a German Film Director to find, it simply stares at them and then motions them to follow. The twerps follow in the preternatural quiet (Brock carrying Misty on his back) as odd music plays and we're treated to an almost unsettling atmosphere that feels supernatural but also somehow, strangely.... right. The Ursaring encounters a Stantler, nods to it and allows it to lead the twerps on until it meets a Furret, which takes them further through the quiet fog until they reach the edge of a lake.... the Lake of Light.
Sam walks into the lake and dunks Celebi into the water, and it closes its eyes and relaxes, as Ash spots hundreds of Pokemon (perhaps thousands) all watching from around the lake. Sam drops Celebi into the water and it drifts down, eyes opening as the sun breaks through the fog and seems to rejuvenate it, Celebi growing green, the green light filling the lake from within before Celebi swims up apparently well, glowing as it swims around Sam who laughs as it swims about. Sam steps out of the water (magically only his lower pants legs are wet) and the Celebi bursts out of water with a BIIIIII and flies happily around, splashing water in their faces. Ash and Sam dive into the lake and swim alongside a number of other Water Pokemon (including a Gyrados) and then both seem to realise that, oh yeah, they can't breath underwater! So they try in vain to get back to the surface, only for Celebi to surround them in green light and lift them out of the water, allowing them to fly about as Brock, Misty, Pikachu and Togepi watch from the side, Misty dunking her stinky feet in the lake. Celebi flies up and touches Misty's knee, fixing it and allowing her to jump about happily before Celebi flies Ash and Sam deeper into the forest and they spot Arbourville far in the distance.
The flying done, Celebi leads them to berries and everyone chows down, enjoying the fresh fruit taste. Ash puts some in his pocket to keep for later, and thanks Celebi for showing them to it, and Sam offers it some berries as the sun begins to set on the happy scene.
But as the sun sets, The Iron Masked Marauder continues on his determined journey in his kicking rad Mecha-Spider-Bot, grinning through an endless monologue about how he WILL find Celebi, don't you worry about that. Team Rocket have gotten over their own initial impressed fear and are now just bored and hungry.... (and Meowth needs to use the bathroom) and then they spot a peach tree, with some fat juicy peaches hanging down from the branches!
Jesse tells Meowth to grab the big one, and he does but can't pull it free, so James grabs him, and Jesse grabs James, and they all fall out of the Mecha-Spider-Bot and hit the ground, then fight angrily over the peach only for it to fall out of their hands and into the beak of a Pidgey.... at which point Team Rocket realises that The Iron Masked Marauder has left them behind!
As they chase after him, the twerps have settled down for the night, except Sam who sits sketching Pikachu and Celebi sleeping lying against each other, and Ash wakes and asks if he can look at his other sketches. He is impressed, but as they talk Sam gets depressed, he's kind of stuck in the future forty years from his own time, does his Mum think he is dead? He asks Ash if his Mum worries about him and he says he thinks that is just what Mum's do, and then his stomach grumbles and Sam offers him half of the bread made for him yesterday... forty years ago.
As they laugh over how good the forty year old bread tastes, Pikachu and Celebi wake up and Ash and Sam think something is wrong, but then they see glowing and realise that the Metapod hanging from branches in the forest are evolving. Butterfrees emerge and fly by them, dropping sparkles of light down as Ash tells Sam he wants him to be free.... to uhhh, go back in time.
Yeah, time. Not free to pursue these weird interior feelings about boys showers and camping trips, not that at all.
Celebi follows the Butterfree and Ash, Sam and Pikachu climb a tree to watch them flying in procession, creating a dynamic show as they sprinkle light wherever they go. Celebi settles into Sam's lap and he ands Ash put their arms around each other and smile.
Well, looks like they're getting freer by the second!
The next morning, they pass by the shrine on their way back to ArbourVille, and Celebi flying happily about and.... a giant coiled arm grabs at Celebi as Jesse, James and Meowth show up with nets and say they aren't leaving without Celebi! The kicking rad Mecha-Spider-Bot agrees. Pikachu tries to Thundershock it but the blast is knocked back, then metallic tentacles smash trees about as Celebi is grabbed, zapped, then thrown into the air as the Iron Masked Marauder throws his Dark Ball into the air and.... captures Celebi!
"Celebi. Is Mine," he chuckles.
Holy shit, this guy is an asshole!
"Let him go!" demands Ash and runs forward as the Iron Masked Marauder calls him stupid, then a flock of Pidgeys fly into his face as Ash clambers up the bot and struggles with the Iron Masked Marauder for the Dark Ball, pulling it free as the bot crashes to the ground. But as he hits the ground, the Iron Masked Marauder slams his boot down on Ash's hand and crushes it, taking the Dark Ball from him as the other twerps approach... and a shitload of pissed off Pokemon.
But the Iron Masked Marauder isn't concerned, laughing that it is too late, the sweet little Pokemon they want to save is already gone, and he calls out.... well shit, it's Dark Celebi.
It releases a wave of force and smashes the Pokemon away, then chases off the survivors, bringing down trees like matchsticks as the Iron Masked Marauder roars that he wants to see even MORE power, and Celebi is surrounded in a sphere of energy and begins to draw in a twisting circle of leaves and branches and... Jesse!
Yes, she's pulled free of her hiding place and into the massive circle of trees and leaves surrounding Celebi. The noise attracts Diana and her Grandmother’s attention, and they decide to go see what is happening. They fly over in the Guide's Mini-Zeppelin, spotting the twerps and Sam around a hurt Ash.... and off to the side, a leaderless James and Meowth.
But as they are saved, on a rock high above the forest, Suicune glares at the disturbance in the trees and leaps down into the depths.
The twerps fly over the forest, not realising that James and Meowth have hitched a ride, dangling from the anchor beneath them. Meanwhile Pokemon run in terror as the giant spiked ball Celebi has weaved around it crushes its way through the forest, the Iron Masked Marauder standing atop it as inside, Jesse is wrapped up upside down in tentacle-like vines.
A million fanboys raise their heads from the depths of their Kasumi x Haruka doujinshi and make a soft "ooooh," noise.
The Iron Masked Marauder explains to Jesse he wants a witness to report to Giovanni just how powerful Celebi is, and orders Celebi that the time has come, and it forms...
Well fuck, it appears to be Satan!
The leaves, sticks, twigs, branches and vines form the shape of a massive demon-like abomination. It lets rip a blast of Celebi's pink energy through the forest and directly into the lake, as inside Jesse says she is VERY impressed, so if the Iron Masked Marauder lets her down now, she'll recommend a promotion from Giovanni. But the Iron Masked Marauder laughs, why would he hand over this power to Giovanni? He plans to use Celebi to rule Team Rocket, and the world!
The mini-zeppelin flies overhead and the twerps cry out to Celebi inside the abomination construct to hear them, but it blasts through one balloon of the zeppelin and send sit crashing into a now muddied and dirty lake of light (man, Misty's feet must have really stunk), leaving them washed up on the shore hurt but otherwise okay, even Grandma!
James and Meowth swim up to the shore, Meowth muttering they're no match for the big twig monster. James agrees, saying,"Poor Jesse."
Ash and Sam run into the abomination's path, Pikachu trying a Thunderbolt that does nothing, and the Iron Masked Marauder orders Celebi to blast them out of existence. But as it fires.... SUICUNE!
Yes the Legendary Pokemon hauls up Ash, Sam and Pikachu and leaps through the smoke kicked up by the explosion, jumping onto the branch the Iron Masked Marauder is on and causing him to leap down to the ground. Ash asks Suicune to take them to Celebi, but as they prepare to move, the Marauder has seen a chance to capture another Legendary Pokemon and calls out his Dark Tyranitar, ordering it to use Hyperbeam. Brock sees and calls out Onix, which lets loose its trademarked GA-ROAR and knocks Tyranitar aside so its Hyperbeam misses. As the two fight, Suicune leaps up the side of the Abomination, Ash and Sam spotting Celebi deep inside it and calling out to it, not that it seems to notice. Suicune leaps down as Onix is smashed down by Tyranitar, but before it can attack Suicune Onix smashes back into it, and it is forced to toss the massive rock snake aside again before taking another leap at Suicune which... BUBBLE BEAMS IT RIGHT THE FUCK IN THE FACE!
Tyranitar hits the ground hard and Onix, pissed off at being bitchslapped, swats it's unconscious form across the length of the lake and lets loose a GA-ROAR of satisfaction.
Haha, what a jerk!
Suicune Bubblebeams the Abomination and then starts running up it, only to be caught in vines and zapped with energy by Celebi as the Iron Masked Marauder laughs and says this is the fate of any who try to step them. Ash and Sam are knocked loose and fall towards their deaths, only to be saved by.... JESSE!
Yes Jesse just saved two boys by plucking them out of the air while hanging upside down in a mess of tangled vines. She must have incredibly upper arm strength due to the heaviness of those weights on her chest....
:D
....anyways, she tells them to be careful and warns Celebi is just above them, and they thank her and head on up, leaving behind Jesse who demands to know where they're going, they were supposed to help her get free!
Ash and Sam call out to Celebi which hears them and momentarily stops attacking Suicune for a moment, but then the Iron Masked Marauder demands it continue and it returns to zapping Suicune. Ash and Sam cry out that it has to remember what it is as Jesse struggles to get free and the Iron Masked Marauder runs up beside her and roars at Celebi to destroy them! Outside, Grandma and the twerps watch the Abomination stagger, seemingly confused, and then the forest's Pokemon surround it and roar out to Celebi as Sam begs it to remember, and Ash struggles through the field of energy surrounding it followed by Sam, grabbing it and telling it to remember, and it starts to have flashes of memory of their time together. Sam begs it not to fight them, not to help the hunter, but to break free! It lets rip with energy, then remembers the Butterfrees and Ash and Sam getting cozy together and the horror of that memory seems to be enough to get it to let rip with energy and drop Suicune into the lake. The Dark ball that the Iron Masked Marauder captured Celebi with starts to crackle with energy and explodes, the Abomination collapsing into the lake as James and Meowth watch in horror, Meowth gasping,"Dere goes Jesse!"
Celebi flies Ash, Sam and Pikachu free of the collapse, but it is obviously hurt and it can barely get them to land in the water safely. They grab it and stagger to the shore where Grandma, Diana and the twerps and other Pokemon are waiting. Ash carries Celebi, saying something is wrong, something bad, and before their very eyes... Celebi starts to mummify!
Okay that is pretty creepy.
Brock cries out to get it into the water but nothing happens, and Grandma says that the water is tainted now, it can't heal anytmore.
Dammit Misty, you and your stinky feet!
But then Diana remembers that legend says that Suicune can cleanse tainted water, and it seems it was just kind of hanging out waiting for someone to remember this so it could play the hero. It leaps into the lake and jumps across the water, with each touch of the surface creating a ring of clean water, creating the Lake of Light once more. Ash once again lowers Celebi into the water.... but still nothing happens. Its desiccated, mummified corpse lies still, but Ash insists they'll keep trying, and sits by the lakeside and grabs out a berry from earlier, telling it to remember and trying to force berries down its throat. The first berry drops, so he grabs another with a trembling hand and tries to feed it.... but there is no reaction, and Ash drops the berries into the water and cries that it can't die, tears falling from his eyes as Sam gets outraged, shouting that Celebi didn't do anything wrong, it was all a human's fault, why should it be punished? He starts crying along with Ash, then Brock and Misty let the waterworks flow too as the Pokemon cry out and Suicune lets loose a howl.
And a light forms in the sky.
Distortions weave through the air and green light spreads across the forest, Grandma saying it is the voice of the forest. Celebis emerge from a disc of light in the sky, scores of them, causing the mummified Celebi in Ash's hands to lift into the air, three other Celebi surrounding it and then more and more, flying around it in a circle as green light surrounds them all, the forest pulses with energy, and the dead Celebi is.... alive!
It opens its eyes, its body restored, and it "Biiiii's!" with delight and Sam realises that even across time and space the other Celebis could sense one of their own was in trouble. They all fly into the disc of light again, leaving behind the restored Celebi which flies about in delight, touches the lake, then flies towards the laughing, waving twerps and the music plays high and.....
THE IRON MASKED MARAUDER!
With a roar and a sense of dramatic timing he gained from his fathers Rey Mysterio and Chris Jericho, he tears out of the water and grabs Celebi in his hands. Ash runs and grabs at him as he fires up a jet pack (okay he's an asshole, but he's fucking cool!) and lifts into the air, kicking right at Ash's head as Pikachu lets rip with a Thunderbolt and blows the jetpack. Ash and Pikachu fall through the sky and grab at each other, and then light surrounds them as Celebi flies them to safety, while the Iron Masked Marauder falls into the trees, smashing through branches and foliage to crash into the ground and roll directly at the feet of the twerps, his helmet falling off as the other Pokemon arrive and growl at him and he realises he's lost all of his Dark Balls, including Scizor and Sneasel. Suddenly all his bravado is gone, and he moans that this is all a misunderstanding (apparently when he said he wanted to take over the world he meant to wanted to buy orphans ice-cream) but they're having none of it, blasting him with Stringshot and wrapping him up. Grandma laughs, and shortly after they say their goodbyes to Suicune which rushes off into the forest. Celebi turns to Sam, flying up into the air and glowing with light as Grandma figures that it is ready to go back in time and wants to take Sam with it. Sam asks if it can really take him back....
It formed Satan out of leaves; can light up the entire forest; can heal wounds; come back from the dead and travel through time, Sam.... it can probably take you back forty years.
Ash tells Sam that wherever and whenever he is, they'll always be friends, and then Celebi takes Sam by the hand and lifts him into the air. Sam waves goodbye and says maybe he'll see them again, some day. He disappears into the past and Ash cries again as he waves goodbye.
Not long after, they're back at the town where their Guide took them to Arbourville, and back on the cool video-phone. Brock tells Professor Oak he was right, it WAS a Suicune that they saw, and Misty tells them they saw a Celebi too and it travelled through time! Oak is impressed, but then notes Ash has been uncharacteristically quiet and asks him what is the matter? Ash explains that he got to be friends with another Pokemon trainer and he doesn't think he'll see him again, because he lives in the past. But Oak says not to worry, saying true friendships can withstand the test of time, and he is sure Ash and Sam will be friends forever. The ferry horn blows and Ash says he'll tell him everything when they get back to Pallet Town, and Oak says he is looking forward to it. As they get ready to go, Misty suddenly realises something.... they never told Professor Oak what Sam's name was! But then the ferry horn blows again and they forget about this oddity as they run off.
Back in Pallet Town, Oak sits and looks through an old battered sketchbook, one that has lasted for eighty years in its forty year lifetime. As he looks at the sketch he drew of Pikachu and Celebi sleeping propped against each other, he says that it feels like it was only yesterday.
Consider the implication of that, Gentle Dodgers, as we return to the forest and find Jesse drifting on her back through the Lake of Light.
"This is amazing, this wonderful water's washed away all my annoying aches and pains, I could just float along like this forever," she sighs happily.
"Ahoy!" cries James,"Jesse! thank goodness you're safe!"
"Hurry up, climb aboard!" yells Meowth as they punt along on a hastily built raft.
"What took you so long?" demands Jesse,"What have you been doing?"
"We had tah wait till it was safe," Meowth explains bluntly,"But now da coast is clear!"
"Oh good," mutters Jesse, climbing onto the raft.... and the formerly Dark Tyranitar bursts free of the water and directly through the raft with a roar before swimming away, as from the shore amongst the trees the formerly Dark Sneasel and Scizor turn and walk away to freedom in the forest.
But are Team Rocket sad or frustrated, Gentle Dodgers? No, not at all, as they enjoy the rejuvenating effects of the Lake of Light, commenting that they feel all tingly and it's just fabulous, sighing happily together,"Looks like Team Rocket's floating away..... ahhhhhh."
And so Pokemon 4 Ever (God I hate that name) ends, and as the montage plays of the twerps leaving Arbourville in the Mini-Zeppelin; of Pokemon enjoying the forest; and Tracey finding Professor Oak's old sketchbook as Oak himself does the vacuuming, we ask, have you considered the implications of Sam's revealed identity yet?
Professor Oak totally tried to mack on his own son!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Hohohohoha!"
 "I love what I see all ready!" "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAVE ME!" "GA-ROARRRRR!" |