643: An Old Family Blend!
Dodgy Synopsis
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649: Nessen Zen'ya! Satoshi no Pokémon Daishugo!
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Today finds the twerps... at Lily of the Valley Island! They're there! They've made it! No other island, no shipwreck, nothing, they're there and.... so is everyone else! Trainers, fans, reporters, maybe some shipped in whores as well... all ready to get involved in the Sinnoh League Championship, one that Ash intends to win thanks to...
At the Pokémon Center, old school Pokémon gameboy music plays as Ash registers with Nurse Joy, giving her his badges and Pokedex. She welcomes them to Trainer's Village (the Pokémon Center and local shopping magnates paying a premium I'm guessing) and Brock tries to welcome himself into her pants (well.... dress) before getting his now customary ass-punch and dragged away by Croagunk. Also following tradition is Team Rocket, dressed in surprisingly unflattering official uniforms and keeping a close eye on the twerps.
Stalls are set up everywhere over the island, while the trainers and "friends" are given rooms in hotels somewhat separated from the rest of the rabble. As the twerps look around, Dawn finds herself the subject of some unwanted inspection of her own, feeling eyes crawling all over her.... and perhaps a pinch of the ass as well!?! Creepy Max from the Future is back!
Conway leers over Dawn (yes, ANOTHER one leering at her) and mentions some uninteresting minutiae about the trainer's village, then walks away with a creepy chuckle as she stares after him feeling dirty (and not in the good way Zoey made her feel!), while Ash just gapes happily because he figures hey he must be competing in the Sinnoh League too yay another battle woop woop!
They head inside to check out their rooms, three single beds set up beside each other rather than the usual bunkbeds. Dawn leaps happily onto one with Piplup, landing on her stomach and giving Brock and an uncomprehending Ash a good look up her skirt before they notice a basket of flowers by the bed. Ash reads the note, which expresses the best wishes and luck to him and tells him that they'll be watching and hoping for the best. Surely it's from his mother, or maybe Misty? Possibly even May? Some figure in his life who cares for him deeply like only a parent or incredibly close personal frie.... oh hey it's from Professor Oak!
Excited to talk to his Daddy, Ash contacts Oak on one of the video phones in the main lobby, where Oak apologises for not being there in person due to being so busy (getting busy). Ash asks how his Pokémon are, and informs Oak (and Brock and Dawn too!) that his plan is to mix up his team with a blend of his Sinnoh Pokémon and his other Pokémon from different regions. He offers to send back five non-specific Pokémon, but seems confused when Oak asks him to actually say which Pokémon he wants sent to him. Muk takes the opportunity to try and rape Oak, who covers up the phone social faux pas (a phone pas?) with a poem.
Ash hands over his Pokeballs to the teleport operators, who look suspiciously familiar to everyone but the dumbass twerps who don't seem at all concerned by the large number of red haired girls, blue haired boys and short furry midgets doing menial tasks around them. They teleport the Pokeballs Ash gives them as asked, but pick up the runs returned and carry them out the back door on a tray, happily insisting that they need to just make sure the teleportation process went right. As the twerps wait, bored, Jesse and James take off on a little cart driven by Meowth, while the real teleport operator (what a cool sounding title for such a menial minimum wage job) comes out and asks them to give her the Pokeballs. They're confused, the clerk is confused, and realising what happened they rush outside to discover that Team Rocket have long since cleared out and.....
They finally peel out... and Pikachu Thunderbolts them and sends them blasting off easily, but the Pokeballs are sent flying too. The twerps rush off to find the missing Pokeballs, collecting them all up in only a few seconds which is pretty anti-climactic.... till they discover the Pokeballs are empty! Ash is horrified, screaming out that he wants his Pokémon, but which ones are they? Well we're soon to find out, as moments later we see the first of his various choices - Corphish!
Scuttling aimlessly about wide-eyed, Ash spots Corphish and just behind it, Totodile dancing with happy insane abandon in a nearby fountain. They call them over, Corphish crashing happily into Ash like the open-mouthed jerk it is while Totodile happily tries to eat his hat. Returning them to their Pokeballs, their next stop is the nearby kitchen where they find Snorlax attempting to eat the entire supply of food for the Trainers. Ash apologises profusely to the cooks, while Snorlax lifts up Pikachu in one massive paw and looks suspiciously like eating the fat rodent for just a moment before "just" licking it happily. Ash returns it to its Pokeball, dropping Pikachu to the ground.... before noticing that one of the Pokeballs he has is NOT the one he asked Professor Oak for... what is going on?
Back in Kanto, Oak is out looking for the next Pokémon on Ash's list when he discovers a scandalous scene! Bulbasaur slaps away Heracross, confusing Oak who was sure he had already sent it away. As he tries to figure out what he did wrong, Heracross leaps onto his head to perversely suckle on it, infuriating the confused old man who is trying to deal with his syphilis riddled memory.
In Sinnoh, the twerps discover Barry coming out of the woods with a big bump on his head. They're pleased to see the mad young trainer, who is also pleased to see them until Ash figures out that the Pokémon that ran him over and gave him a bump on the head is one of his Pokémon. Angrily he demands that Ash be fined, while a happy Ash ignores him and rushes off to find his Pokémon, and gets leaped on and licked (what HAS Oak been teaching them all!?!) by none other than.... Bayleef! Struggling beneath its bulk he tries to recall it to its Pokeball but it grabs his ball in its mouth (oh man, don't even go there). Regardless, Ash now has all but one his Pokémon back, but which one is it? What is the answer to this mystery? This perplexing puzzle? This conundru.....
Oh, it's Cyndaquil.
It's snuffling around the grounds when Team Rocket spot it, and since it's basically a baby mouse with weak little limbs they decide their best reaction is to come charging at it with a giant ass multi-limbed robot. All of which, of course, makes it all the more embarrassing when it dodges their attacks and comes straight at them with a Flame Wheel, causing them to have to blast up and hover out of reach of the tiny little mouse, which rams into a tree and causes a fire, catching the attention of the twerps in the distance. They rush to the scene and find Team Rocket menacing a tiny flaming mouse while a forest fire threatens to take off. Dawn has Piplup use Hydro Pump to try and put the flames out, while Ash has Totodile and Corphish join in, overwhelming the flames and quickly putting them out. This has ALSO caused Team Rocket to now have access to even MORE Pokémon.... but luckily for the twerps Team Rocket are many times more ineffective at catching multiple Pokémon than they are at catching one. The Pokémon dodge the grasping limbs and Bayleef razors through their arms.... but when Ash tries to Thunderbolt them into blasting off again he discovers that Team Rocket at least are capable of (somewhat) learning from their mistakes. The Thunderbolt fails to do anything, while Team Rocket pump out more limbs and tools, including a chainsaw that stops Bayleef's attempted Razor Leaf. So Ash calls out Snorlax to put power against power and....
....oh.
The twerps pratfall and Ash then struggles to wake up Snorlax and get it to use Bodyslam. Shoving at it, it tips back somewhat and its bulk hits the edge of Team Rocket's mech, knocking it over! Snorlax rolls happily away downhill, still asleep, while the Pokémon blast water-based attacks at the mech and fill up the cockpit, alarming Jesse who declares that they'll get shrinkage!
That should only be a problem for James and Meowth.... maybe THIS is why Brock is always so indifferent to Jesse's charms!?!
The water is pumped out thanks to Meowth's efforts, and Ash tries another Thunderbolt figuring that with the mech wet it'll make difference.... but it doesn't! They blast out and hover up in the air, and Cyndaquil tries to come in and take a shot at it with Flamethrower, only for the flames to fail to make any impact and the mech to blast them back off at an alarmed Cyndaquil, which runs and tries to hide as it zooms in closer to grab it.... and something happens!
For some reason Team Rocket decide to pull back as this happens, and before the twerps eyes Cyndaquil evolves into... Quilava! The awkwardly lean teen punk Pokémon!
The angry Fire Weasel charges up beneath the mech and lets loose with Eruption, blasting straight up the asshole of the robot (ain't it always the way) and sending Team Rocket blasting off again, James moaning for another robot from Meowth chop chop, but even the apparently miracle working little cat is out of tricks for now.
Reunited with his Pokémon, Ash contacts Professor Oak and asks to be sent another five Pokémon, and gets back Glalie, Torkoal, Noctowl, Muk (which happily attempts to rape him for old time's sake) and Donphan, some taking their feelings over their rather pitiful amount of former screen time out on Ash now that he needs them again.
And so, some undetermined amount of time later the four stadiums of the Sinnoh League Championship Tournament are lit up and filled with crowds, the Sinnoh League Flame being lit and massive fireworks going off as Ash stands with the other trainers in the main stadium and Brock and Dawn sit in the crowd. Cynthia sits beside Mr. Goodshow in the seat of honour, while Ash happily looks around spots Nando, Conway, Barry and.... yes, Paul as well.
Oh also a couple hundred at least no name loser jerks who won't go anywhere or do anything.
The first round match-ups are listed, each trainer paired off..... and Ash finds himself up not against some no name nobody but somebody who actually exists and has thoughts hopes and feelings. Who is it? Whose dream will Ash destroy right from the very first round as he inevitably (surely! OH GOD SURELY!) wins the first round?
HA! Sucks to be you, Nando!
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 "Now we're going to have shrinkage!" |
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