635: Last Call, First Round!
Dodgy Synopsis
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641: Gurando Fesutibaru Kaimaku! Hono to Kori no Ato!
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Today finds Dawn at the Lakeside Resort and the Coordinator Meet and Greet for the Pokémon Grand Festival. Dawn is enraptured, but not as much as Brock who screams,"GIIIIIRLS!" and rushes to each one at the various tables taking advantage of the free food, telling them they're beautiful, all of them, so beautiful! Croagunk asspunches him and drags him away, while Ash scoffs his face full of free food like the freeloading bastard he is, and Dawn overhears Rhonda from Sinnoh Now interviewing... Nando! He got his 5 ribbons and he's made it to the Grand Festival! Strumming his harp, he sings a little song while Rhonda's fat boom mic operator desperately prays that he isn't going to fuck this one up. The twerps approach to say hello to Nando and Rhonda is pleased to see her, wanting to interview her as well, and Dawn takes a quick moment to pull a mirror our of "somewhere" and check her hair and make-up while Piplup sighs in exasperation. But it's important, because this is....
In Twinleaf Town, Dawn's mother watches Dawn's interview proudly, and back in Lake Valor Nando is catching up with the twerps and explaining that he also has 7 Gym Badges for the Sinnoh League. Ash has the same and tells him to make sure he gets his eighth so they can compete in the League against each other, while Dawn feels a tap on her shoulder and turns to get a short, stubby fleshy protuberance jammed against her cheek.
Well really there's a time and a place for that!
It's Kenny, of course, who is delighted to have pranked "Dee Dee", who doesn't seem all that pleased to see her old "friend". Ash is pleased to see him though because he's too stupid to really understand not being happy to see people unless it's Team Rocket, who still have to hammer the idea into his head every day to make sure it sticks. Kenny brags about his new fusion move and insists they'll have to wait and see what it is, and is upset when Dawn doesn't rise to his repeated use of "Dee Dee" as a nickname. She explains she is totally over that and isn't scared of Plusle and Minun anymore either.... and the two cynical marketing ploys immediately latch onto her shoulders out of nowhere and zap her hair full of diamond dandruff. A little unsettled, she laughs it off and smoothes down her hair, then wonders where the two came from.... which is a dumb question since it is obviously Ursula!
Yes she got her 5 ribbons too, and offers a backhanded compliment by telling Dawn she is relying on her to make them all look good today. She leaves, and then Dawn is delighted to be reunited with Zoey, who only has eyes for Dawn but is continually introduced to Nando and Kenny while trying to lez it up. As Kenny insists he will make it to the final and thus ruin Dawn's dream of a Final between her and Zoey (and Zoey's dream of going at it with Dawn in an entirely different one on one combination) - Ursula is watching from a distance, smugly thinking to herself that they're all children (even the fully grown adult Nando apparently!). A familiar laugh catches her attention and she sees "Jesselina" being interviewed by Rhonda, and grunts that she sure makes a lot of noise. That's not the half of it though, as Jesse grabs the microphone off of a startled Rhonda and eagerly proclaims to the television audience that no matter what the challenge, she'll take it. When they made her, they drained the talent pool!
That night at the hotel where the coordinators are staying, Dawn has her Pokémon out on the balcony along with Ash and Brock, thanking them for all the help they've given her to get her this far. She bows to them, and Ash tells her there is no need to worry - she can do it!
The next day, Ash is still working on Gible's Draco Meteor, offering advice and trying to show Gible how to do it by straining like he needs to take a shit while Gible just stares open mouthed and uncomprehending. Kenny is walking along and spots Ash attempting to use a wide-spread rain of destruction meteors INSIDE A CITY and eagerly waves hello, unheard by Ash who is concentrating all his limited brain power on trying to encourage Gible. It fires the energy into the air and it immediately fizzles out and lands by Kenny's foot, knocking him off balance. Ash rushes up unapologetic and explains what he was doing, and how the move normally ends up hitting Piplup for some reason, then insists Gible apologise. Gible, which hasn't moved from where it was standing and is just STARING straight ahead shrugs because it doesn't understand what the fuck the thing with the tasty looking head is WAH WAH WAHing about this time.
Kenny asks where Dawn is, and Ash laughs that he ran away this morning because Dawn has been going crazy. What does he mean by this? Back at the hotel, Brock has brought Zoey up to the hotel room (HEY HEY!) telling her that Dawn desperately needs help only she can give and no man can (HEY HEY HEY!) and it all ends up being a giant cocktease (wait, cunttease?) because Dawn is freaking out over outfit coordination and Brock is completely fucking useless and Ash just ran away (Ash being the smart one, in this case). Zoey tells her to relax and they compliment each other girlishly and Zoey starts brushing Dawn's hair as she blushes and Piplup watches on from the bed....
How many fanfics have started this way?
But soon it is time, time for the Grand Festival! Marian welcomes everyone to the giant Stadium where the Festival is taking place, with three stages for battle (colour coordinated in pink, blue and green) situated around an inner circle for Marian to MC from (and presumably for the prizegiving at the end). 108 Coordinators have qualified, and today's contest will be ALL Double Performances. The Judges are introduced - Mr. Contesta, Mr. Sukizo and.... THREE NURSE JOYS!?!
The first introduced is from Hoenn, and Brock INSTANTLY picks up that she's from Lilycove, much to Piplup, Pikachu and Ash's exasperation. The other two are her sisters from Pastoria and Jubilife, and there's a special guest Judge.... FANTINA!
S/He emerges from the centre circle amidst the three stages and poses happily in the spotlight, while Ash sighs that it seems his/her Gym is still closed. Backstage, the assembled Coordinators are watching and waiting... because it's time for the performance stage, and there will be three performances simultaneously!
Ursula starts with a double Eevee performance, both using Iron Tail and Hidden Power in concert and then... EVOLVING! Ursula throws up a Firestone and a Waterstone and evolves both her Pokémon into a Flareon and Vaporeon right there on stage!
Well... that's.... that's incredibly callous!
The Judges are impressed though, as is Kenny backstage. Zoey notes it is impressive but a unique move, it can never be repeated once used. Meanwhile, Altaria and Kricketot are putting on a musical appearance sending glowing notes around the audience and over the judges. Next out is Jesselina, who uses Seviper and Yanmega to create a whirling Haze while Jesse runs out in her big boots and does a flip to land and balance on Seviper's head (those are some pretty heavy boots for poor Seviper's head!) while James and Meowth offer encouragement from the stands and Wobbuffet cheerleads.
Atop Seviper's head, Jesse tells Yanmega to use Silver Wind on her, blasting her outfit and tearing it apart to reveal what is underneath to the watching crowd.
GIVE HER THE FUCKING PRIZE! GIVE HER ALL THE MONEY!
Alas, it turns out to "just" be another costume, Jesse revealing her "victory wear" in an impressive display that impresses the crowd and the Judges, especially Fantina who leaps up and pirouettes before the crowd to try and get the attention back on herm-self.
Some other Coordinators who are never going to go anywhere have a go and are mostly ignored, before Zoey comes out with Gastrodon and Lumineon for a double Water Performance, creating moving rings of shimmering water that her Pokémon leap through before she and they leap up onto the water pillars created and pose together. Kenny comes out next with Empoleon and Floatzel, and they use an AquaJet Hydro Cannon combo to catch Floatzel up in the attacks, which then Razor Winds out to create discs of spinning water around the stage. Empoleon uses Metal Claw to shatter them out of the air, and then they show off Kenny's Fusion Move - Zap Cannoning into a Whirlpool formed by Floatzel and..... COMPLETELY FUCKING UP!
AHAHAHAHAHA! THAT WAS HIS BIG MOVE!?! THE FUCKING IDIOT DIDN'T EVEN PERFECT IT BEFORE TRYING IT ON THE BIGGEST STAGE OF HIS LIFE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Floatzel is sent blasting backwards by the attack, and his initial performance (despite Zoey's compliments" wasn't all that crash hot either. If Kenny makes it through, he'll be lucky.
She brings out Cyndaquil and Buneary in a giant ribbon of light and has Buneary make a giant leap and spin about with Ice Beam and create loops of ice into a giant rollercoaster, which Cyndaquil then flamewheels down followed by Buneary spinning along happily on its ass. Buneary uses Ice Beam as Cyndaquil uses Smokescreen and.... completely covers them both up!?!
Ursula cackles in delight backstage while the Judges frown... but Dawn isn't done yet, telling Cyndaquil to end the Smokescreen and reveal.....
FLAMING ICE-BALL ANGEL!
Well, that's Kenny proper fucked then.
Backstage, Ursula smugly offers a backhanded compliment that the smokescreen "turned out" to have worked, and Zoey snaps at her that it was no fluke, Dawn has worked hard and is making proper use of her experiences... it's just, there's one experience she hasn't had yet and oh God she yearns so hard to bring her into that world and be her eve.... ahem, yes, well.... anyway, Ursula chuckles that she'll see to it that Zoey and Dawn don't meet in the Final.
Marian announces that the Judges have decided on their final 32, and slowly each successful Coordinator appears on the screen, one after the other, revealing first Zoey, then Nando, Jesselina (she squeaks with delight and then pretends it was a foregone conclusion, while in the stands James, Meowth and Wobbuffet are delighted), then a smirking Ursula, then Dawn of course and finally, finally....
....no Kenny!
Well what did you expect after that shitty ass performance? You got beaten by a bunch of no name nobodies who won't go anywhere or do anything and are only there to make up the numbers.... and they beat you!
Putting on a brave face, he congratulates Dawn and Zoey on getting through to the second round, but as the sun sets outside of the Resort Town, he's already back in his regular clothes and ready to head away. He claims it's to prepare for the next Grand Festival, even though there could be no better preparation than to watch the top 32 Coordinators in that region (of which he isn't one!) doing their thing to get through to the Finals (which he isn't in!). He wishes "Dee Dee" luck and tells her not to let "that girl with the Plusle and Minun" beat her, and she fumes at him that her name is Dawn before remembering she doesn't care about that anymore and throws on a sheepish grin, delighting him. He shakes her hand (OMG THEY ARE HDNS FROM A HART!!) and wishes her and Zoey the best of luck before he heads away, already beaten, already defeated, a washout who couldn't even beat the no names making up the numbers.
Sorry Kenny, you tried your hardest to be noticed amongst the tiny little mad bitch, the short-haired lust-struck lesbian, the Spanish musician and the Bitch Goddess Queen.... but Drew you ain't, goodbye for now, maybe forever, because the Grand Festival goes on without you.
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