634: Dealing With a Fierce Double Ditto Drama!
Dodgy Synopsis
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640: Metamon Henshin Batoru! Honmono wa Dotchi~nyo!?
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Today finds the twerps training in yet another forest, but apparently VERY close to the Lake Resort where the Grand Festival will be taking place. Dawn and Piplup are training for the festival, Ash and Gible are training for their rematch against Volkner and..... the result is just as you might expect, as Piplup gets blasts with the fizzled out Draco Meteor. Dawn snaps angrily at Ash to go train somewhere else, and as Brock settles in to make lunch, Dawn tells Piplup to go get some rest while she training further with Togekiss. Piplup heads into the bushes for some reason, maybe needing to take a shit or something... and as it settles down wearily against a tree, two gleaming eyes peer out of it from amongst the leaves. Oh no, they're going to be....
Brock calls everyone to lunch... and Piplup emerges excited and overenthused, leaping onto the table and beginning to scoff everything down. Brock is alarmed, then annoyed, yelling at Piplup to cut it out. Ash, Dawn, Togekiss, Gible and Pikachu run up and start yelling too..... and so does Piplup!
Two Piplups!?!
Seeing an imposter impugning its good name, Piplup leaps up and kicks off a rumble with the other Piplup, the two rolling around flailing at each other with their soft little club-arms as Dawn shouts at them to cut it out and Ash is just flummoxed beyond all belief, unable to cope with the concept of TWO of the same type of Pokémon.
They go back to scuffling and somehow, Gible of all people comes up with the solution... it fires Draco Meteor into the air and when it fizzles out it goes straight for Dawn's Piplup, while the other Piplup just looks confused not understanding the significance. Piplup is hit and everyone is relieved they've just done tremendous body damage to a little angry penguin... but then they turn to see that the other Piplup has disappeared.... and now there are two Togekiss!
IT'S THE PRISONER OF ZENDA!
Brock has a good idea though, telling her to use her Pokeball to recall Togekiss. The red beam of light hits the first and does nothing, then the second and recalls it to its Pokeball. That's clever... but now there are two Pikachu! Hilariously, Brock declares that as Pikachu doesn't like to go into its Pokeball there is NO way to figure out which one is the real one (well maybe, you know, Pikachu could just man up and take one for the team?) but Ash seems unconcerned, laughing that he's not like Dawn.
Dawn is infuriated at this comment, and Ash confidently steps forward and declares one of the Pikachu's is his and pets its head.... and the other Pikachu is furious and Thunderbolts him for being a lousy friend.
Dawn takes savage pleasure in pointing out he got it wrong, so Ash pets the other Pikachu and says that it is THIS one... and gets zapped again by the other Pikachu! The two turn and frown at each other, then start making funny faces and imitating other Pokémon close to simultaneously till both are absolutely exhausted. Dawn happily tells Ash to admit he can't tell the difference... and then realises that the other Piplup has returned! Ash suggests that Gible be used again but now there are two Gible again (but only one Pikachu) and another rumble kicks off until a satchel-assed girl with the most atrocious ginger afro and horrible sandals appears and cockily asks if anyone has seen her "homies", then spots the extra Gible and Piplup and roars at the sweating, horrified Pokémon to cut it out.... and they change into two Dittos! And one of them is blue!
As they check out the different coloured Dittos (the blue one looks crosseyed) the girl explains that they enjoy practical jokes and she has to keep them in line. They transform into Pikachu and Piplup again and Ash compliments them, saying he "almost" couldn't tell which one was Pikachu. Dawn is still looking a bit pissed off at Ash over this whole thing, but they all make their introductions and learn that Satchel-Assed Ginger-Fro's name is Narissa, Rissa for short. Dawn comments this is a cute nickname and Rissa flies off the handle, demanding to know if she's making fun of her. Dawn insists she isn't, and Rissa explains that where she comes from she is known as the "Rumbler". Ash doesn't have a clue what that means and Rissa flies off the handle again, snapping at him that it's because she rumbles, you know? A Rumble? RUMBLE!!!!
Ash calms her down and Brock asks if she is travelling by herself, and she explains that she's travelling from Gym to Gym. Ash comments this makes her like him, and she loses it again (girl's brain chemistry is all out of whack), telling him she means to be the Number One Trainer in the World and can't be getting lumped in with a "noob" like him.
Noob? Homie? I hate this girl.
Now it is Ash's turn to be pissed off, angry at being called a noob (does he even know what a noob is?) and telling her that he wants to be a Pokémon Master. They ask how long she has been at this and it turns out it has been a whole.... month! And she proudly announces she has zero badges to show for it, since Gym Leaders are so scared of her they run away before she can challenge them. As the others try to wrap their head around this bizarre girl's mindset, they're watched from a completely conspicuous "hiding place" only a few feet away by Team Rocket, poking their heads right over the bush directly in Dawn's line of sight.
They're impressed by the Dittos, though, Jesse taking the opportunity to fantasise about dolling herself up all pretty atop a regal staircase of light. Meowth interrupts her fantasy though to declare one of his own, saying they are the perfect gift for the Boss, and James slides in as well to note that he can smell a fantasy scene. Miffed at having her dream denied, Jesse nips down the stairs cleavage first to try and get in at least some screentime.
But it is too late; the patented Crazy Meowth Giovanni Fantasy has already begun! He imagines Giratina and Regigigas just happening to be having a battle on Giovanni's front lawn (as Meowth is probably sure is a regular occurrence) and Giovanni trying to capture them with a few grunts and a net. They blast him over of course, but then the two Dittos show up and transform into the Legendary Pokémon allowing him to save face, and tears of gratitude flow down his face as he announces that "Meowth and friends" are to be rewarded.
They leap up and celebrate (still only a few feet away from the twerps), but then James realises that the Dittos would only be a quick fix. Jesse says what every man wants to hear though, that quick is good, and Meowth notes that when the Boss smiles, THEY smile.
Meanwhile, Ash has come to the only conclusion his poor stupid brain is capable of, and asks Rissa if she wants to have a battle. She misunderstands and thinks that HE wants to fistfight with HER, but once that is covered, she declares she'd be happy to battle him on the understanding that he be okay with the fact that she simply cannot be beaten. Brock offers to referee and Rissa tells them that she only has the two Dittos; they're her whole team and her whole life. Dawn repeats that she only has two Pokémon and Rissa goes off her nut at her, and then she and Ash square off, the blue Ditto (Ditto2) against Ash's Infernape.
Well, glad that's not overkill!
Ditto2 instantly transforms into Infernape and Rissa looks up its moves in her Pokedex... and she doesn't know what Flame Wheel is! Ash has Infernape use Flame Wheel and Rissa thinks it looks cool, so has Ditto2 use it as well, and both moves seem matched. Ash calls for Mach Punch next and Ditto2 does the same, and again both moves seem evenly matched.... but then the full force of the punch comes through and Infernape is sent skidding back, but Ditto2 is sent flying, crashing to the ground and knocked out!
Rissa is surprised, recalls Ditto2 and sends Ditto1 in. Ash recalls Infernape and sends in Pikachu, and Rissa spots Piplup in Dawn's arms and decides to have Ditto1 transform into Piplup. Dawn is surprised, Water Types are weak against Electric Types, and Rissa looks taken aback by this info at first but then reverts to anger and snaps that she knows what she is doing.
Pikachu uses Thunderbolt and blasts the fuck out of Ditto1, and Rissa snaps she should have gone with Pikachu from the get go. She has Ditto1 transform into Pikachu and looks up its moves, and has it use Iron Tail... which Pikachu dismissively slaps away. Dawn calls out that Iron Tail is a Steel Type move and not very effective against Electric Types, and a furious (and stupid!) Rissa snaps back at Dawn to zip it, she knows what she is doing!
Pikachu uses Quick Attack, and Ditto1 uses Volt Tackle, which Dawn warns will do damage to Ditto1 as well. Rissa realises she has blown it, and the two Pikachu smash headfirst into each other before Pikachu flips back and lands easily on its feet, while Ditto1 is knocked out cold and the battle is over - Ash wins!
She growls that she'll get back at Ash, and Brock and Dawn grumpily tell her this isn't a great attitude to end a battle with. She snaps back that she doesn't care; she'll get back at anyone who gets into her head. Ash, too stupid to know what the fuck, walks up and asks her how she'll get back at him and she becomes enraged again because she doesn't fucking know, she's trash-talking you moron! She yells that the other day both her Dittos transformed into Zapdos during a battle (since one happened to be flying overhead) and she won the fight proving that her Pokémon are the strongest ever. But it turns out this is due to the fact that the trainer she was fighting ran away when he saw them. Dawn points out that this isn't technically "winning" then, and Rissa snaps that it doesn't matter, a win is a win and.... MOMMA BROCK GETS ANGRY!
Furious at Rissa and leaving her startled by his vehemence, he tells her that she'll never bring out her Pokémon’s true strength if she doesn't study up and work out what works best for them, how to use their moves, the moves of the Pokémon they transform into etc etc. She tries to dismiss at asking what he could possibly know and Momma Brock gets even angrier, a burning helldemon pointing a Godlike finger at her trembling mortal form as he burns words of command into her brain, startling Ash and Pikachu who aren't used to seeing Momma getting mad. Rissa stands gaping and then.... bursts into tears!
The twerps are shocked, isn't she "The Rumbler"? She admits that she straight up lied; she's been utterly terrified ever since she was a kid and when she set out on her Journey she has gone out of her way to emulate Flint of the Elite Four.
Well thank God there's an explanation for THAT hair-do and fashion choice. Ash and Dawn finally see the similarities between them, while a sobbing Rissa asks Brock for advice on what to do. Brock, with more empathy now, explains that she just needs to work on it - her Dittos can match moves but not their power/strength - and Ash blurts out that Rissa is actually pretty nice. Rather than being offended, she admits she is nice, too nice in fact; she's usually a pushover which is why she puts on the gruff persona. Once again Brock becomes the burning helldemon, but this time to inspire her, and leaping up she clasps her hands together and asks Brock if please won't he help her handle her Ditto!
He's been waiting for a girl to ask him that for years!
As Ash, Dawn, Pikachu and Piplup have a meal, Brock using crudely scrawled cartoon pictures of her battle to show her what she should have done - not pitch fire against fire or steel against electricity etc. He explains why Pokémon can use moves from outside their type, and the way to gain experience from battle in order to "level up". To demonstrate, he brings out Happiny to fight her Dittos, and they transform and use Pound in a two on one attack... and Happiny happily sends them both flying off into the far distance with a Pound of its own. Rissa rushes off in a panic to get them back, and when they return they go with Sudowoodo instead of the monstrously strong baby.
Brock explains how to block or dodge an attack in order to get your own move in, and Rissa tries out by having her Dittos transform into Sudowoodo and attempt to block Sudowoodo's attack.
But just as Rissa seems to be getting the hang of things, a net comes out of nowhere and catches up the Dittos. What's happening? The answer comes in motto form!
"We're always happening it's a natural fact!"
"We're brimming with tactless tact!"
"And your team is sacked!" adds in Meowth.
The rest of the motto disappears as the twerps yell angrily at them and Rissa is close to tears begging for her Pokémon back. They laugh them off and prepare to fly away, and Jesse uses Seviper's Haze to cover their escape, disappearing without a trace. Ash sends out Staraptor to find them, and of course Team Rocket have quite stupidly escaped cleanly only to land a short distance away.
They take the Dittos out to get a closer look at them, and they transform into Meowth and try to trick Jesse and James, meowing loudly in unison over Meowth who is desperately screeching at his two stupid friends to listen to him actually speaking human speak! Next they take on Wobbuffet's appearance, which is almost more awesome than the world can handle.
James suggests they send all three to the Boss and be done with it; irritating Jesse who points out that Wobbuffet belongs to her, dammit. Staraptor, Rissa and the twerps arrive and the two Dittos rush up to her happily. Rissa asks Dawn and Ash to let her handle the fight, and when James sends in Carnivine (eventually), she considers its type and after some prompting from Brock has her Dittos transform into Staraptors and attack. Jesse sends in Seviper and Ash surprisingly offers useful advice by bringing out Gible, and Rissa takes the cue and has Ditto2 transform into Gible and use Dig on Seviper. Ditto1 hits Seviper with Quick Attack, then Pikachu joins the Dittos which transform into its form and use a Triple Thunderbolt to send Team Rocket blasting off complaining about the overkill of this week's blast off.
As the sun sets, the twerps and Rissa say their goodbyes, and Brock tells Rissa he's sure they'll meet again if they both continue to work with Pokémon. Dawn asks if she is through being "The Rumbler" and she giggles girlishly that if her teacher likes her better this way and casts a blushing look at.... Brock!?! Oh my God, he's finally done it, he's found love an..... he spots a pretty girl walking down the path and rushes over to declare his undying love to her, and gets triple gangbanged for his troubles.
Rissa grunts that sometimes it's necessary to be a bit tough, and Flint is the only man in her life now. Saying her goodbyes to the twerps, she struts her satchel-ass off along with her Dittos, while Brock smiles as he is dragged away by Croagunk, thinking to himself that he wishes her luck.
And so, presumably the next day, we find the twerps across the bay from Lake Valor. They've arrived, and next episode, Gentle Dodgers, it's the Grand Festival!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Quick is good!" |
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