632: Dawn of a Royal Day!
Dodgy Synopsis
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638: Togekissu Mau! Ojosama no Pokémon Kontesuto!
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Today finds the twerps in Arrowroot Town, where a Pokémon Contest is being held. Dawn won't be taking part as she already has five ribbons, but then an oddly conservatively dressed woman approaches and bows, referring to Dawn as "Lady Dawn" and telling her that "they" have been expecting her. Brock takes the opportunity to leap forward and declare his undying love for this complete stranger, and gets pounded in the ass for his troubles by Croagunk.
Dawn doesn't understand what the woman means, and she introduces herself as Freesia (FRIEZA!?!) and tells her that she's come to escort her to be crowned Princess Dawn just as soon as possible! WOAH! This is news to Dawn and Ash (well he doesn't really count!), but it seems that this is the....
At a huge building, Dawn and an utterly astonished Piplup stare at Dawn's exact double, Princess Salvia (ahahahahaha, Saliva!), a big fan of Dawn's who is in Arrowroot on Royal Business but desperately wants to take part in a Pokémon Contest. So.... why not shirk the one thing that it is she has to do in her life of luxurious decadence in order to appease her own constantly sated desires!?! She asks Dawn if she will act as Salvia's stand-in, and all Dawn hears is,"Blah blah dress up like a Princess blah blah blah," and eagerly agrees, leaving Brock, Piplup and Pikachu startled by her transformation and Ash utterly dumbfounded by what he is seeing (nothing new there then!).
Dawn skips about in delight in her pretty princess dress, while Salvia throws on Dawn's clothes and hilariously comments on how ridiculously short Dawn's skirt is, tugging at it in an attempt to cover up her exposed legs. She blushes at the idea of people looking up her skirt, but Freesia tells the 10 year old girl that shaking that junk is apparently well suited to a member of the Royal Family. Salvia calls out her Pokémon to celebrate.... a Togekiss.
OH GOD OH GOD ABANDON SHIP ABANDON SHIP THEY'VE MADE THEIR PLAY THE END IS NIGH THE FINAL FALL OF MAN HAS COME THE TOGEKISS HAS SLOUCHED TO BETHLEHAM AND BEEN BORN EMERGING TO BRING FORTH 1000x1000 YEARS OF HORROR!
The doors are forced open suddenly and a regal looking old man with a moustache bursts in just after Salvia recalls Togekiss to hide the horror from the authorities. Freesia escorts the "guests" out, including the real Salvia, leaving Dawn to realise that being a Princess isn't all luxury and decadence (just 98% of it) as she is instructed to be prepared to meet and greet guests of great importance to their land in exactly the right way and method that she has been instructed in since the day she was born.
You know, Salvia or Freesia might have at least given her a crash course.
At the contest hall, Ash and Brock offer the now nervous Salvia encouragement and they head inside, while James and Meowth watch from the bushes (why from the bushes?) confused as to why Dawn is taking part despite already having 5 ribbons. Surprisingly, "Jesselina" isn't concerned at Dawn showing up, insisting that she must have come to watch a real competitor perform.
Inside, Marian welcomes them all to Arrowroot Town and introduces the Judges, talking up the shitty little town to give the inhabitants a cheap thrill. Backstage, Salvia sits nervously trying to hold her skirt over her panties; while Jesse becomes enraged upon seeing her actually backstage and realising she really IS here to compete. WHY!?! She already has 5 ribbons, goddammit, and she quite legitimately gets furious at Salvia her curtsies at her and tells her what an honour it is to meet Jesselina... then stumbles over her own words as she "remembers" that they're the best of friends... then happily tells an utterly befuddled Jesse that the reason she is here is because she has always wanted to take part in a real Pokémon Contest.
Poor Jesse doesn't know what the fuck.
Salvia wishes her a good day and walks away, leaving Jesse perplexed and angry.... but determined to win!
Back at Salvia's royal quarters, a miserable Dawn sits and "receives" guests, the first we see an outrageous fop with thick curly hair and an enormous moustache who insists that the 10 year old Princess come spend the night at his manor. Jesus Christ, the fucking aristocracy, eh?
Back at the contest, various Pokémon perform for their coordinators in the hope of being one of the 6 to warrant a second casual mention before being swept aside in favour of "Dawn" and "Jesselina". Jesse impresses with a Steel Wing/Ancient Power/Silver Wind combo. James (once again openly in Team Rocket costume) sits with Meowth and Wobbuffet cheering for her, and is enraged when he sees Dawn actually is taking part in the Contest despite having 5 ribbons.
You know, this is a legitimate grievance.
Ash, Brock, Pikachu and Piplup shout out encouragement, and then Salvia summons forth... oh God.... it's Togekiss! Pink tendrils emerges from the Pokeball as the monster rapes its way into our dimension, surrounded by crown like pink energy the sickly pale blue monstrosity beams its phony smile around the crowd and bursts with energy, spinning through the air and creating a vortex of light as it shows the world a momentary glimpse of the horror beyond their own dimension, driving them all temporarily insane as it bows in unison with its "master" while a cascade of aurora like rain spills down over them. The crowd applauds, unsure what else to do as their minds reel from the unmitigated horror before them. Backstage however, the already insane Jesse is immune to the effect, more enraged that "Dawn" came to the contest in "Street wear" rather than putting on a pretty dress.
Back at the estate where Salvia is supposed to be, Dawn is exhausted and miserable from "receiving" people, and then gets escorted through to a luncheon full of leering, desperately hangers-on and leeches who watch expectantly as she struggles with proper dining etiquette and manages to launch a tiny tomato in the face of some anaemic Duke of some far off principality or something. She jumps to her feet in alarm and knocks over her drink, then tumbles over onto her back as Freesia crouches down besides her and considers that maybe it might have been a good idea to actually explain how any of this stuff actually works before throwing her into the deep end.
At the contest, Salvia and Jesselina have made it into the final eight (what a shock!) along with six also-ran nobodies who have all at least made an attempt to dress up for the occasion, while Salvia is there in Dawn's regular "streetwear". Earlier Ash had told her how well she did and told her he thought she was a good chance to win the entire thing... which again raises the question, if "Dawn" wins a sixth ribbon, then how the fuck is that supposed to make the other coordinators trying desperately to get a 4th or 5th Ribbon for Grand Festival Qualification feel? Especially if she then reveals that she is some spoilt Princess who dropped out of the only work she ever has to do in her pampered life to stroll in and take a pointless and needless ribbon for herself in order to feel better(er) about her lot in life?
James, Meowth and Wobbuffet are backstage, James still BLATANTLY in his Team Rocket outfit, commenting on Dawn being in the Top 8. Jesse remains confident though (or at least the facade of it since she can't show any weakness in front of her broken-spirited followers), claiming that she is going to destroy Dawn for her ribbon.
At the Estate, an exhausted Dawn just wants to sit and relax, but Freesia tells her she still has ONE last little duty to take care of, and Dawn sits up and gasps,"LITTLE DOODIE!?!"
No Dawn, Princesses' still have to take care of that themselves.
At the Contest, the Battle Stage appears to have finished, and before we discover who the Finalists for the Final Stage are (take two guesses, Gentle Dodgers), Marian announces a special surprise.... and the spotlights shine on the Box Seat high up in the stands where "Princess Salvia" and her two retainers Freesia and Mr. Moustache on either side. Dawn waves uneasily at all the people and mumbles to herself that she didn't expect to be back at a Contest dressed like this, confusing Mr. Moustache who asks her what she means, and she has to stumble through brushing him off.
The Finalists are announced, and shock of shocks its Salvia and Jesselina! What a surprise! How surprising!
The 5 Minutes starts, and Jesse calls out Seviper and Salvia calls out.... TOGEKISS! THE SNAKE VS THE ABOMINATION! Up in the Box Seat Dawn calls out encouragement to herself and gets confused and muddled up, while Salvia is starting to realise that there is a big difference between screwing around training with a pampered pet (even if that pet is an otherworldly abomination) and getting into an actual knock-down drag out rumble! Togekiss is smacked around by Seviper while Jesselina delights in her surprising domination, having Seviper use Wrap to "dance" Togekiss about like a puppet on a string, tossing it up and crashing it down into the ground. Salvia cries out for Togekiss to get up but it can barely crouch where it is, unused to the concept of something FIGHTING BACK against its horror. But as Salvia finally comes to the inescapable conclusion that she's in over her head and has no business being there.... Dawn cries out from the Box Seat to keep fighting because she's worked so hard and sacrificed so much to get to where she is, leaving Jesse gape-mouthed at the sheer, incredulous cheek of such a statement.
..... I mean, yeah, so did everybody else who made it there today, Dawn, including Jesse... and all Salvia "sacrificed" was not having to sit through a shitty ass long day of being bored receiving overbred assholes. Wow, what a fucking trooper.
Jesse shouts at her that she has to be Royally Impartial and nobody likes Princess Prejudice (she is absolutely in the right!). She orders a Bind Attack, but Togekiss uses Safeguard as Salvia is encouraged by Dawn's reminder that she's utterly entitled to the privilege of her accident of birth. Jesse is furious and sends in Seviper to fight, but Togekiss dodges and avoids the contact, smashing Seviper and doing massive points damage before knocking it out entirely and winning the Contest.
This is a fucking travesty.
Dawn screams out congratulations to "your Highness" and them stammers that she means Dawn (is Mr. Moustache a fucking idiot?) and soon after, Salvia is presented with a completely extraneous and irrelevant ribbon. If it was really Dawn, then a sixth Ribbon means nothing to her. For Salvia, it is only one ribbon so all it represents is that she used her position to falsely present herself and take away the actual hopes and dreams of numerous other potential competitors.
Backstage, James, Meowth and Wobbuffet try uneasily to cheer up their dejected Bitch Goddess Queen, pointing out how great she was and how deserving of victory she was. Just then they spot Dawn's silhouette through the doorway approaching and hide behind a bush as she walks in and approaches a pissed off Jesse and.... hands her the ribbon. Jesse grabs it and clutches it tight to her bosom (lucky bastard ribbon) then suspicion takes over and she demands to know WHY "Dawn" has given it to her. The reply is that she'll never forget the joy of the day for as long as she lives, and it was a pleasure to finally meet "Miss Jesselina" and she bows slightly and then walks away. Jesse stands holding the ribbon, confused, and a frazzled James, Meowth and Wobbuffet emerge from the bushes confused as to what the fuck "Dawn" was talking about. Jesse is furious, the twerpette acting so high and mighty due to being dressed in street clothes (haha, oh crazy Jesse, never change) with her weird accent. She prepares to throw the ribbon on the floor but the others frantically stop her, telling her that she qualifies now, she FUCKING QUALIFIES FOR THE GRAND FESTIVAL! She stares at them, non-comprehending, till slowly it sinks in and she declares that she has won her Fifth Ribbon "Fair and square" and now she is going to the Grand Festival!
Salvia not even wanting the fucking ribbon makes this even more of a fucking travesty, if you ask me.
Back at the estate, Salvia and Dawn exchange clothes (apparently with Ash and Brock standing right there in the room) and Salvia asks Dawn for one last favour. She wants Dawn to... take Togekiss with her.
Oh holy fucking no...... NOOOOOOOOOO!
Dawn agrees and recalls Togekiss to its Pokeball, and they leave as Mr. Moustache enters the room and eyes them up oddly, then tells Salvia that her manners were less than perfect today and she really needs to work on it. She agrees, happy because she has gotten what she really wanted just like every other day of her fucking life, and more than that she has unlumbered herself of the monstrous abomination that is Togekiss. As the twerps walk away, Dawn's reputation sullied as a Ribbon-Mad Egotist who cost other Contestants a shot at legitimate entry to the Grand Festival.... Dawn stares at the Pokeball containing the monster she willingly took on. The Grand Festival is coming.... but this....
....this could be the beginning of the end.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Did she steal it? I would!" "You can do it, Princess... I mean... me! I mean.... what do I mean?"
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