631: An Elite Coverup!
Dodgy Synopsis
|
637: Shitenno Kikuno! Kabarudon VS Dodaitosu!
|
Today finds.... TEAM ROCKET! They're running a Daycare Center in a small town, named after Mime Jr. and promising that in 2 hours they can evolve a Pokémon perfectly and teach it all the moves an evolved Pokémon can learn. They spot a little boy with a Magby on his shoulder and rush him, telling him that as a promotional tool there'll be no charge for evolving his Magby, and escort the poor stupid kid who never learned about Stranger Danger into their Daycare Center. Who knows what depravity awaits inside (especially considering James dancing about in the background pursing his lips and making excited noises), and to avoid a scandal the town will have to take part in....
Inside, Team Rocket use a chart and a stick to explain how it works (the chart says they take a Magby and.... it becomes a Magmar, somehow involving a Pokeball and a machine!), and the boy is delighted. Team Rocket scuttle away to giggle over the brilliance of their evil plan to sucker a stupid kid, and Meowth gifts us with a patented Crazy Meowth Giovanni Fantasy, explaining about how the Boss is trying to hold staff barbeques and light the candles on birthday cakes, stumbling ineffectually over his efforts and looking like someone from an Archie comic, wearing a garish Hawaiian shirt, trying to hide his embarrassment while nervously smiling Team Rocket grunts hold glasses of wine in the background, or getting lost during a powercut and trying to light his candles till Magby shows up to light the fires for him.
Oh Meowth, you so crazy.
Team Rocket sing with pleasure at the idea of their promotions and money from a grateful Boss... till the boy asks them why they're singing. They quickly finish the deal and take Magby and its Pokeball from the boy, who heads off up the street and spots the twerps coming the other way. Excited by the sight of one of the Pokémon, he rushes up to declare how cute it is and Piplup blushes and waves one stubby little fin in delighted embarrassment... until it realises that the boy is actually gushing over Pikachu. He introduces himself as Roland and tells Ash he means to catch a Pikachu himself one day, and the twerps introduce themselves as well. They head into the park together where Roland plays with Pikachu, rolling a ball while Piplup sulks over by the bench where Dawn is sitting. She pets the grumpy little penguin on the head, and looks up Magby in her Pokedex when Roland and Pikachu return and they learn that is his Pokémon. They ask to see it, and he tells them that it's in Daycare being evolved in two hours... which cashes them by surprise, that sounds fishy.
He takes them to the Daycare Center to show them, but when they arrive they find that it now appears to just be an abandoned, undecorated shed. He's shocked, this is the place, but there's no sign of life and no signs or posters up anymore. Worried, he tells the twerps he's going to have to let Bertha know, and explains to them that she's a lady who knows EVERYTHING about Pokémon. Just then the Bertha in question arrives, an old plump woman with a scarf and a bulky white coat. She asks Roland what he is up to and then demands to know what the twerps are up to, while Brock ponders her name and realises something shocking. Before he can say anything though, she grabs his wrist and hauls him away before the twerps' startled eyes, and off in the distance he asks her in a whisper if she is Bertha of the Elite Four.
Another one!?!
She is indeed, but she doesn't want to advertise the fact, she doesn't like to be called one of the Elite Four at all... it's a secret! Brock is terrified enough to agree with the angry old woman, and they return to the group where Bertha tells Roland that he's late for his Pokémon Lesson and where is Magby? He tells her what happened and rather than being worried, she appears to blame Roland for it (well it was pretty stupid) and tells him that it is his responsibility to look after his Pokémon. Brock agrees and almost lets slip she is in the Elite Four, catching himself at the last second when she turns an angry glare on him. Roland is apparently the child of a cousin of hers, and since he wants to be a Pokémon Trainer so much (like 98% of all children in this show) she agreed to help him learn. Part of that lesson is learning to man the fuck up, and so she tells him that he and he alone must recover his Magby..... Ash then proceeds to happily volunteer to help him.
Oh Ash.
Soon Bertha is leading them down the street, Ash bragging unknowingly to a member of the Elite Four that he has seven whole badges! She tells them that she'll get to see how "strong" they are, and when Ash is confused by this (even though people say it to him all the time) she tells them that while they're having a happy chat the people who stole Magby are probably getting away. She asks them what their strategy to find them are and they're utterly clueless, the only thing they know is that there were three people involved.
I'm surprised Ash didn't blame Team Rocket as soon as Roland said,"My shoelaces are untied!"
Ash spots an observation point looking out over the town and realises they can go and scan the town from there. Bertha seems surprised and pleased at this bizarrely sensible plan by Ash, and they head up and use the mounted binoculars, Roland spotting Team Rocket with a new "Daycare" Setup on another street. He prepares to rush off to find them when Bertha reminds him to confirm the location, and he sheepishly returns to look through the binoculars again and ascertain exactly where the "Daycare" is.
Down on the street level, Team Rocket are back into their spiel when Roland, Bertha and the twerps confront them, Roland demanding his Magby back. They laugh that this type of Pokémon isn't their sort, and Jesse declares it doesn't sound familiar as she leans casually against the Daycare... which collapses under ANY weight and comes crashing down on top of a happily horrified Wobbuffet, leaving James, Meowth and Mime Jr. cowering from the smoke and Jesse face down and ass up... but not in a good way!
Bertha then makes the mistake of asking who they are, and.... well, cue the motto!
"I think your silly question needs work!""And pleading ignorance makes you look like a jerk!"
"On the wind!"
"Past the stars!"
"YA BERSOIK!"
"Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace!"
"Dashing hope, bringing fear in its place."
"A rose by any other name is just as sweet."
"When everything's worse, our work is complete."
"Jesse."
"And James."
"Meowth, dat's a name!"
"Putting the do-gooders in their place!"
"We're Team Rocket!"
"And we're in your face!" they all finish together.
"WOBBUFFET!"
"MIME MIME MIME!"
Dawn, for some strange reason, is shocked that Team Rocket are behind an act of crime, and the twerps demand that Magby is handed back over. Jesse tells them to eat her pink dust (yeah, a kid's show... suuuuuure!) and throws down a smoke bomb before they cheese it, even shouting,"FEETS DON'T FAIL ME NOW!" as they scamper away. The twerps cough through the smoke and Brock freaks out when he can't find Bertha.... till they discover she rather sensibly moved backwards instead of standing in the middle of the smoke coughing her old lungs out. She tells them grumpily to stop worrying about her and worry about catching Team Rocket instead, and Roland and Dawn prepare to take off after them... but Ash calls them back and tells them they should split up and cut Team Rocket off.
Wait... what? That's smart! Bertha is pleased, but.... what? Ash?
Team Rocket rush ahead of Brock and Roland, giggling over their pathetic efforts to catch them, when suddenly Ash, Dawn and Bertha slip in front of them and order them to stop... and Team Rocket just laugh and veer left, leaving behind a gaping mouthed Ash who never considered that they could change direction once they got up a head of steam. Leaving the town and rushing up a grassy hill, they find a series of windmills and realise they'll have to search every one to find Team Rocket. Bertha stops them though, grunting at them to pay closer attention. They stare at the windmills in confusion, and Bertha sighs and notes that one of the windmills isn't turning.
She neglects to mention it stands out as obviously out of place and fake. She does tell them, however, that they should really work on their observation skills. They head down the hill, panicking Team Rocket who can't understand how they saw through their sloppily constructed poor facade of a windmill. They let it fall apart as they expand their Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon, lifting up into the air and preparing to escape with their super haul of.... one Magby. Ash is having none of that, though, calling out Staraptor to use Aerial Ace... but Team Rocket are prepared.... with a ROBO-RAPTOR! It uses Aerial Ace itself, attached to a metal cable to the balloon, knocking Staraptor out of the sky, and Bertha comes up with another plan.... JALOPY RACING!
Zooming down the road, Pikachu is clutching desperately to Ash in fear while Piplup takes the opportunity to bury its head into Dawn's non-existent breasts. Roland is ecstatic though, claiming that Bertha is the coolest, and she reminds him to both hang on AND remember he's supposed to be keeping look out. They zoom on down the road at high speed, and Ash spots the balloon to the right and they go off road, Bertha calling out Gliscor. Team Rocket see them coming and are visibly shocked, crying out that the twerps can't drive! But wait; who cares if Gliscor is charging them with Guillotine, they have their defence..... ROBO-RAPTOR (only this time it is a Robo-Gliscor!) which slips out of the bottom of the basket and.... gets torn to shreds by Gliscor which crashes through the balloon and sends Team Rocket flying wildly through the air as their balloon deflates rapidly and they plummet to the ground.
Bertha drives up to the crash site and skids to a halt, Roland and the twerps jumping out and demanding Magby back. Jesse sends out Seviper and Brock gets his head eaten by Carnivine, while Ash and Dawn call out Buizel and Pachirisu, which make quick work of Team Rocket's Pokémon before Buizel uses Sonic Boom to knock Magby's Pokeball into Roland's hands. Bertha tells him to join the fight and Roland sends out Magby, which gets slapped in the face with a Vine Whip, but it comes back with Flamethrower and drives Carnivine into tears, hugging James in fright as Meowth replies in the most sensible way possible....
....EXO-SKELETON POKEMON ROBOT FIGHTING SUITS!
Well.... yeah, okay. Sure. Why not!
They slap Buizel and Pachirisu around.... but Bertha is enraged, a battle should be natural, not artificially enhanced by weird stuff like power-suits. They tell she's just jealous and attack, but Bertha makes short work of them by calling out her Golem to use Rock Blast, shattering the suits and knocking the Pokémon down. She then turns on Roland and snaps at him, asking if he is just going to stand there? Emasculated and humiliated, Roland takes it out on Team Rocket since you can't punch an old woman without somehow being looked upon as a bad person for some reason.... and they're blasting off again, a pouty-mouthed Jesse flapping swollen lips angrily while James blames the "senior citizen" and Meowth grunts she'd probably just say you're welcome.
Dawn is amazed at how good a trainer Bertha is, and Brock stupidly asks what she expects from a member of the Elite Four... and then realises what he has done. She's miserable that they all know, and says she really doesn't like the name "Elite Four".... but hey, at least Roland has his Magby back, can she do anything to thank them? And Ash knows... he wants to get 7 shades of shit kicked out of him by her!
Oh Ash.
Pleased with his balls (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!), Bertha agrees, and they quickly set up a match, starting with Hippowdon against Torterra. Ash opens with Leaf Storm, but Hippowdon immediately digs down into the ground and then smashes out with Iron Head, knocking Torterra's feet out from under it and knocking it into the ground. It recovers though, using Rock Climb to shatter the ground and raise it up underneath Hippowdon, before extending claws from its hoofs and charging up towards it. Hippowdon comes straight down after it with Iron Head, and they smash directly into each other.
They grind heads and smoke rolls up over the battlefield... and Bertha's voice emerges from the darkness like Jor-El in the Fortress of Solitude, asking Ash if that is the best he has? Red eyes form in the shadows as if she was some kind of alien monster, but a silhouette forms around it to indicate it is Hippowdon, still standing strong. She tells Ash (and Dawn!) that she warned them to work on their powers of observation, you have to pay attention, not just to your Pokémon but your opponent's as well, strengths and weaknesses, what moves work and don't, everything. The smoke clears, and Ash asks Torterra if it is able to keep fighting. It shakes off the rocks and debris and roars in the affirmative, and Ash notices Hippowdon digging down into the dirt again and tries to figure out where it will be coming from. Suddenly he realises what he needs to do, when Hippowdon emerged earlier the small dislodged rocks on the ground shook first, so he just needs to look out for that.
Hilariously, as the camera pans fully around Torterra's body, Ash stupidly thinks,"I'M DOING IT! I'M AN OBSERVER!" before noticing rocks shaking behind Torterra's back legs and has it dodge aside. Hippowdon bursts out of the ground and shoots past Torterra, which got aside just in time and hits it with a blast of Leaf Storm, impressing Bertha. But Hippowdon digs in again and Ash goes back to observing... but now the rocks all around Torterra are shaking, and it can't dodge as Hippowdon bursts out and sends it into the air, then chomps down on its neck with Fire Fang and crashes it hard into the ground, knocking it out and ending the battle.
"Well that's about right for seven badges," comments Bertha.
Nobody tell her he has many times that number back home for different leagues!
She tells Ash that he does a good job of keeping cool in battle (hahahaha) and that he just needs to work on his powers of observation. She can't say whether he'll win the Sinnoh League or not, he won't know till he tries!
And so with that, there's nothing left to do but for them all (including the emasculated and incompetent fifth wheel, Roland) to jump into Bertha's jalopy and peel out into the setting sun!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Eat my pink dust!" |
|
