626: Piplup, Up and Away!
Dodgy Synopsis
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632: Potchama Hagureru!
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Today finds the twerps settled down on a grassy bank in a night-time setting, watching the starry sky when suddenly Marian appears out of nowhere to declare into a microphone that the time has come for a spectacular meteor shower only seen once every 200 years! They watch star-struck as the meteors light up the sky... and then suddenly one turns and heads straight for the twerps! Luckily Piplup is there! Bravely and proudly leaping in front of them, it uses Whirlpool and smashes it into the meteor, creating a glistening mist that sprinkles down over..... arena!?! Marian cries out that Piplup has saved them all AND created a wonderful display that gives Dawn victory in the final match of the Grand Festival! Brock weeps tears of joys while Ash blushes furiously as he congratulates an exultant Dawn who declares it is all down to her wonderful Piplup, which smugly gestures to her to approach him and worship at his feet..... and suddenly Gible fires a Draco Meteor into the air which fizzles out and crashes directly into Piplup's face, waking it up with a start and causing it to look around in a panic at the quiet camp site where the twerps are sleeping. Oh God, Piplup's had another wet dream! Time to get up and clean up before everyone else wakes up, go on....
Come daytime, the twerps are having a meal as Ash tries to get in some more practise with Gible's Draco Meteor. As soon as he calls it out of its Pokeball though it scrabbles madly towards the nearest rock and starts..... biting it....
A perplexed and infuriated Ash demands to know why it is doing that and tries to haul the insane little land shark away from the rock and ends up getting his own head bitten for his troubles. Finally he manages to get through the wild void in its head that he wants to practise Draco Meteor and with mouth gaping and dead eyes staring it has another shot.... and the meteor fizzles out and descends down on an unsuspecting Piplup as it enjoys smelling the flowers. Ash apologises and they try again, this time hitting Piplup as it stares at its own reflection in the river. Ash apologises again... and again.... and again and again as it fails over and over again. Finally Piplup has had enough and snaps, squeaking furiously at the empty-eyed Gible which responds by... biting him on the head! Horrified, Piplup absolutely loses its nut and explodes, blasting the uncomprehending Gible with Bubble and Whirlpool and leaving it crashing down to.... bite a rock again.... while Piplup hilarious blows a gasket it is just so fucking impotent and stressed out and ANGRY!
It unleashes fury on Gible again and Dawn and Ash cry out for them to stop. Piplup turns around and sees Dawn rushing towards him and it bursts into tears, absolutely certain at last that she is going to yell at Gible, and Ash and Pikachu will too, and then Dawn will hug Piplup as an idealised version of her with sparkly eyes tells her little Piplup how sweet and important it is to her.
Oh God this little penguin wants to get its bone on with Dawn so badly!
Tears weeping over its fat little face, Piplup happily hugs.... Pikachu! Realising this ISN'T Dawn it blushes in alarm as Pikachu pats it on the back and heads away to join the others crowded around the gape mouthed Gible, telling it not to get worked up. Dawn strokes Gible's head and tells it not to worry; she knows it didn't mean to hurt Piplup...... and the words echo through Piplup's horrified, lust-confused mind. Not only is Dawn NOT angry at Gible, not only is she NOT gasping with love for Piplup, not only is she not making all its bizarre cross-species dreams come true.... but she's actually been sympathetic to Gible!
As the winds of discontent blow through the trees, Piplup turns and heads away in despair.... watched from those discontentedly windy trees by Team Rocket! They have a plan; if Piplup has had it with the twerps then maybe they can get Piplup to lure Pikachu to them!
The twerps pack up and prepare to move on till Dawn finally realises Piplup isn't about. They call out for it but there is no sign, because the proud little penguin is wondering through the forest with soft little signs. Rustling in the bushes catches its attention and it turns wobbly-eyed towards them as it imagines Dawn appearing with sparkling eyes, blushing cheeks and windswept hair to apologise profusely to him and say that she warned Ash to keep Gible's Draco Meteor from striking Piplup. Lust straining its little heart to its limits it leaps with joy towards the phantom Dawn.... and then what was REALLY there appears out of the bushes.
That's not Dawn! That's not Dawn at all!
Blasted by a particularly weak Hyper-beam of some sort, Piplup turns and runs in a panic. Trembling with fear and exhaustion further down the forest path, it hears a voice and looks up to find itself facing a very, very, very looooooooong pair of legs. It's Team Rocket, disguised in business suits, armbands and glasses, telling the surprised Piplup that it appears to have a problem. They settle it down on a rock in a field and tell it that they are from the Pokémon Rescue Corps, showing a series of crudely drawn images of Pokémon that have had falling outs with their trainers - abandoned, misfed, BEATEN UP, wildly inappropriate mutual physical abuse etc - who are brought back together by the Pokémon Rescue Corps and shown how to work together.
It's all too much for poor little Piplup which bursts into tears, and Meowth translates for it as Jesse and James commiserate, telling it that they'll help it to re-establish a relationship with its trainer.
Meanwhile, Staraptor is looking for Piplup overhead (apparently by turning in a tight, tiny circle only a few feet from where the twerps are) while the twerps look about on the ground and Gible mindlessly chews on a nearby tree trunk. Brock is worried, it can't have gotten this far by itself, and Ash asks Gible if it will help. Hearing its own name but not really understanding anything else, Gible scoots off down the path and then stops to look around in confusion before spotting what LOOKS like a delicious rock! It goes to take a bite and gets a mouthful of something softer (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!) instead, as the Rhyperior from earlier returns and blasts Hyper Beams after the twerps as they flee in panic
Stopping to pant heavily by a large rock, Dawn looks up Rhyperior in her Pokedex and they get up to get going... till they realise Gible has gotten wrapped up in biting down on a rock.
Meanwhile Piplup is communicating its story through Meowth, telling them that it was heading back to Professor Rowan's Lab (not really understanding how far away it was) and why - all about how Gible kept hitting it with Draco Meteor and when it got angry with Gible the vacant-eyed land shark didn't understand or care, and its trainer didn't defend it or even get angry with Gible so obviously it doesn't care.
He doesn't mention how he wants to bone the hell out of his trainer, though.
Team Rocket, perhaps as part of the act but more likely out of a surprisingly genuine empathy, are absolutely shattered by this story and come over all weepy, each of them understanding what it is like when nobody cares.
Jesse cries that their own Home Office often doesn't know where they are they can commiserate. Jesse lifts up Piplup and hugs the surprised little penguin, telling it there is no need for tears... and then shit gets real! Putting Piplup back down, they tell him to wait there with Meowth because they are going to go and set things straight with Dawn. Turning around, she and James storm off looking genuinely pissed off and determined to go and give the twerps a damn good talking too!
Holy shit... Team Rocket actually care.... and they're actually in the right!
Meanwhile Staraptor has returned to the twerps, unsuccessful in finding Piplup. Ash recalls it to its Pokeball and for the first time actually brings up that maybe Piplup somehow got upset from constantly being bombarded by surprise by Draco Meteor. Dawn notes that it did happen more than once.... and then Jesse and James show up! Still dressed in their disguises, they show their fake IDs to the twerps and explain who they are (well not really) and then do what people have been waiting over a decade to see - they tell the twerps off for being a bunch of freeloading jerkbag narcissists completely wrapped up in their own little world!
Oh sweet justice!
Ash and Dawn are horrified while Team Rocket harangue them, with Brock just stands there seemingly giving no fuck until Dawn makes the mistake of insisting they feel the same way.... and that REALLY sets off Jesse!
Holy shit, do not piss off the Bitch Goddess Queen!
She reveals that Piplup deliberately ran away, and tells them that Piplup was trying to make the journey back to Professor Rowan's lab on foot. James chimes in, telling them that they obviously don't understand the relationship between Pokémon and Trainer, and both insist that the twerps take part in sensitivity training.... and while they're doing that, they insist that their hand over their Pokémon to be cared for PROPERLY!
Unfortunately Team Rocket's noble intentions are somewhat undermined here as they begin cackling amongst themselves and James actually lets his tongue hang out of his mouth! The twerps don't seem to really pick up on the lecherous look on their faces though as Ash and Dawn mumble that they really have no choice but to do as they're told anRHYPERIOR OUT OF NOWHERE!
Bursting out of the bushes, Rhyperior (made of Two Ursaring in a Rhyperior suit, themselves actually a bunch of enraged Beedrill in two Ursaring suits) lets loose with a roar and blasts Hyperbeams at them, sending them running and separating them. The twerps end up exhausted, resting under a tree as Gible goes back to mindlessly biting down on the tree trunk... and the twerps realise Pikachu has gone missing too.
Meanwhile a sweating, panting Jesse (not in the good way, Gentle Dodgers) and James have returned to Meowth and Piplup to tell it that they've laid out its case but unfortunately ran into a Rhyperior with "issues". Piplup thanks them for their help and they insist they're only interested in helping it out... then turn their sweating, slightly desperate looks on Piplup that doesn't seem to pick up that it's currently the 10 year old boy in a pedophile's desert menu. They tell it that they'd like to have a few words with Pikachu, ask it some questions and make sure it doesn't have any issues with the twerps either. Piplup happily agrees and races off to find Pikachu (how do Team Rocket know it was separated from the twerps?), while the slightly disturbingly sweaty Team Rocket moan over how easily manipulated Piplup is.
Piplup runs into Pikachu as it looks about for Ash, and the fat little mouse excitedly tries to get the delighted Piplup to come with it back the way it wasn't going (wait, what?) but Piplup insists they go the other way back towards the Rescue Corps (the way Pikachu was actually heading!). t drags it along and returns to Jesse, James and Meowth who have set up what looks like a little tent.... but then they enter the sheet falls off to reveal a cage! A cage that somehow can hold in electricity attacks despite being open barred with plenty of gaps through which the attack could flow.
Meanwhile, the twerps are having no luck finding Piplup OR Pikachu when suddenly Gible does something... useful!?! Glowing bright, it fires a Draco Meteor up into the air which proceeds to fizzle out.... and crash down far off in the distance. Ash and Dawn don't quite believe it, but Brock LITERALLY has a lightbulb appear above his head as he declares that the Draco Meteor will be able to lead them directly to Piplup!
Rushing towards the rising smoke, they find the Rescue Corps flattened by the meteor and Pikachu and Piplup in a cage. Spotting the twerps, the smoked Team Rocket shove their faces together in alarm - the gig is up, time for the motto!
"When it comes to disguises you haven't a clue!"
"On the wind!"
"Past the stars!"
"Ya brains are goo!"
"Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace!"
"Dashing hope, putting fear in its place."
"When the moon is full, we're haunting your dreams!"
"We fool you each time with the simplest of schemes!"
"Jesse."
"And it's James."
"Meowth, dat's a name!"
"Putting the do-gooders in their place!"
"We're Team Rocket!"
"And we're in your face!"
"ROAAARRR!!!!"
Wait, Roar? RHYPERIOR!
Emerging out of the bushes again it Hyper Beams the fuck out of Team Rocket AND the cage, freeing Pikachu and Piplup. Heart beating with oh-so wrong lust, Piplup sees Dawn rushing towards it calling out its name and bursts into tears, running up and hugging her for real this time and not in a disturbing creepy fantasy. Ash apologises to Piplup for Gible and Draco Meteor and tells it they'll be more careful from now on, leaving Piplup in paroxysms of joy.
Meanwhile, Team Rocket are left lying in a heap on the ground while Rhyperion hilariously bashes up the shattered remains of the cage for absolutely no reason in the background (it really DOES have issues) and Meowth translators it's odd grumbling - apparently its trainer DID abandon it and that's why it gets so angry when it sees people.
Jesse could care less, sending in Seviper while James sends in Carnivine (with requisite head biting action thrown in) and Ash calls out Grotle. Dawn asks Piplup if it wants to get in (it's currently nestled nicely in her lap trying to do just that, thank you very much!) and it jumps out to join in the fight. Seviper is put out instantly by Grotle, but Carnivine is able to hold its own as it blasts Bullet Seed against Bubble, then throws out Vine Whip to smack over Piplup. Furious again, Piplup leaps back up and flexes its biceps.... and then uses Hydro Pump!
Team Rocket are send blasting off glistening wet (the best way to go), resigned to their fate and wandering if maybe there is a Team Rocket Rescue Corps somewhere out there. But as they disappear into a glint of light in the distance and the twerps celebrate Piplup learning a new move - Rhyperior comes storming towards them ready to throw down. The twerps cry out that they don't want to fight and try to calm it down, but it isn't listening... till a young boy steps out of the bushes delighted to see it and apologises profusely to it, telling it that he is sorry and he was in the wrong and asking it please not to run away again. Endearingly contrite, Rhyperior mimics its trainer's apologetic posture as he asks the twerps if Rhyperior caused them any problems, and they straight up lie and tell him that it was no problem at all. Putting the kid on its shoulder, Rhyperior heads off down the path apparently entirely in its right mind again.
And so the twerps and Piplup are reunited, and they head off into the night - Piplup's bizarre puberty lust for Dawn still in full force and Ash having to support Gible with one arm over his shoulder as the mad little land shark happily chews on his head.... yay, everything is back to normal!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Biting my head's NOT special training!" |
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