ENGLISH NAME	JAPANESE NAME	POKEMOPOLIS NAME	DODGINESS RATING	ANIMATION	STORY	TEAM ROCKET	MORAL LEARNT
792: Survival of the Striaton Gym!	799: Dento Bui Esu Kori no Chosensha! San'yo Jimu no Kiki!	Cilan vs. Frigidity			Cilan has to fight an Ice Queen to bail out his brothers	Morana COULD have been one of Giovanni's agents!	If you take on 3 guys and end up 2-1, you're a loser!

Today finds the twerps on another of the many identical cruise ships that endlessly sail the Decolore Islands in a never-ending miserable existence of tourists and kids without money. Approaching the next island, they wonder what it is called, and Alexa tells them it is known as Paladin Island. It's well known as the site of a famous Pokémon battle between the strongest trainer from Unova and the strongest trainer from Sinnoh - either being so near Kanto was considering neutral ground or the local Kanto trainers were considered a bunch of shitkicking rubes and nobody invited them.

Porter steps up and tells Cilan he has a phonecall from Chili and Cress, and after he leaves to take the call, Ash and Iris explain to Alexa that these are Cilan's brothers, minding the Striaton Gym while he travels with them. He takes the call, and his brothers tell him that they're also on their way to Paladin Island. He's surprised, what about the gym? Clearly agitated, they tell him they'll explain all that when they reunite, and then hang up on him. What's the problem? What is going on? What about the...


Landing at Paladin Island, Alexa calls out Gogoat and tells them that while they're meeting with Chili and Cress, she's going to go check out the lighthouse where the battle took place. But Helioptile frantically reminds her of something, miming out typing on a keyboard, and she belatedly remembers that the deadline for one of her articles is TODAY. Hanging her head miserably, she says she's going to head to the Pokémon Center to get the article completed, and heads on up the path. Since the twerps have to wait for Chili and Cress, they decide to make lunch, though Iris has the rather thoughtful if slightly terrifying idea of her and Ash being the ones to make Cilan lunch for a change. He gratefully declines, saying that he cooks for them because he adores it (and because he doesn't want to die) but Iris insists. Ash, a little on the backfoot because he has no idea how to fend for himself in the wild, warms up to the idea and agrees enthusiastically to poisoning his close friend. Cilan smiles and tells them that he'll help too, he and Pansage will go and collect berries for desert.... hey, at least one part of the meal won't be a horrible abomination!

Soon the two completely incompetent children are happily working away at their meal. Ash of course can't hold his attention on the pan he'd holding over the fire since it doesn't involve a Pokémon battle, and soon it begins to burn. Iris yells at him to pay attention, only to discover that she has managed to fuck up literally the easiest thing in the world - boiling water! As they freak out, they both grab at the lids and learn what most children pick up as toddlers - that burns, don't do that! Ash admits this is harder than he thought, and Iris acknowledges a very real truth - without Cilan around, they'd both be hungry a lot!

Cilan returns with the berries he has collected, giving all the credit to Pansage. A thumping noise gets their attention - not more of the food that Ash has ruined, but an approaching Abomasnow. Ash checks it out with his Pokédex, and figures it is a wild Pokémon. Cilan figures the best thing to do in this situation with an unknown, potentially wild Pokémon is to send his small green monkey over to say hello. To the twerps great horror, Abomasnow is offended by Pansage's very existence (or maybe it’s terrible hairdo) and lashes out, smashing Pansage across the square.

An incredibly dressed woman steps out from behind Abomasnow, riding crop (!) jauntily placed on a shoulder, one half of a flamboyant eyemask on her face, and deadpan mocks Cilan and Pansage, saying it is Pansage's fault for getting too close. When the others call her out for being a huge bitch, she tells them that Pansage should be kept in its Pokéball if it can't hack it out in the real world. She taunts them all, calling them children in the most contemptuous tones (maybe she saw Ash and Iris' attempts to cook!). Things look set to break out into a rumble when Chili and Cress arrive, pleased to see Cilan but surprised that the woman got here so quickly. So they know her? Yes indeed, and now she seems very interested to know that this is Cilan, though no less contemptuous. Cilan, confused as hell by everything that is going on - including meeting somebody who is just flat out a jerk! - asks for an explanation, and his brothers give it to him.

A week ago, the woman showed up at their Gym. Chili and Cress were confused and irritated by her arrogant demeanour, especially when she told them she wasn't here to challenge for a Gym Badge. Unused to pretty ladies not swooning over them, the brothers had no idea how to deal with the ice-queen, who informed them that she didn't want something as irrelevant as a Gym Badge.... she wants the GYM ITSELF!

Cress was just befuddled by the suggestion, making the reasonable point that why the hell would they accept such a crazy stipulation? But the ice queen knows a few tricks about men, and soon gets exactly what she wants by calling into question their manhood. While Cress isn't going to fall for such a pathetically transparent ploy, Chili loses his goddamn mind and roars that she's got herself a battle. As Cress reminds Chili that they could potentially lose their gym over this, the ice queen stands and with great satisfaction declares that nothing gives her more pleasure than taking stuck up hotheads like them (THEM!?!) down a peg or two.

The Ice Queen starts off against Chili in a one on one battle, where we learn that she came from Sinnoh, though we still don't know her name. Chili uses Pansear and she uses Mamoswine, which is at a disadvantage against Chili's Pokémon. Unfortunately for him, it turns out that she.... kinda took this into account! Mamoswine overpowers Pansear, Chili not helping matters by letting his hot-headed nature get the best of him and drive to go head to head with the giant mammoth. Soon enough, Pansear is frozen by an Ice Beam and the battle is over, and Chili is the loser.

The Ice Queen is pleased, and asks Cress if he'll take her on too, given that he is a Gym Leader as well. Since his dipshit brother just lost and put their Gym at risk, he has no choice but to agree. He steps up and brings out Panpour, and the Ice Queen calls out Glalie, another Ice Type that also doubles as a living source of nightmare fuel for terrified children. Things don't start well for Cress, who seems to fall into the same trap that Chili did and allow himself to be goaded. Glalie headbutts Panpour with force into the ground, the Ice Queen looking bored as she flicks her riding crop and leaves any number of young male viewers with confused thoughts and uncomfortable questions for their parents later in the day. But then Panpour emerges still conscious and still willing to fight, it seems the battle for the Striaton Gym isn't over just yet.

It uses Water Gun, but is countered by Water Pulse which overpowers it and knocks Panpour back against the rocks. Using Sheer Cold, Glalie freezes Panpour in place and puts an end to the battle - Chili and Cress have lost, the Ice Queen is triumphant! Only.... not quite yet, she isn't. A furious Chili tells the bored challenger that she hasn't won till she beats Cilan. Cress explains this is their third brother, who is away at the moment but has always run with the Gym with them since the beginning. Chili, continuing to get carried away as he attempts to save face, declares that Cilan is unbeatable and will show her a thing or two. Bemused, the Ice Queen tells them that they can continue to run their pathetic excuse for a Gym until she beats Cilan... so where is he?

Which brings up to the present, Cilan is now all up to speed. The Ice Queen says she thought it would be amusing to defeat him here at the site of that famous battle between a Sinnoh and Unova trainer. Cilan says this battle is far more important, since the Gym is up for grabs, and accepts her challenge. He hardly has a choice, if he declined then she'd be 2-0 up with a no-contest finish and the Gym would be hers. Still not giving her name, she tells him she'll expect him at the lighthouse in an hour, and saunters away with great satisfaction.

So what Pokémon will Cilan use? He says there can be no doubt and shares a smile with Pansage, they're the team for sure. The others aren't entirely certain, given that the Ice Queen has used Ice-Type moves so effectively surely a Pokémon like Crustle would be better? Cilan explains that there is more to life than just the cold calculations of moves and type disadvantage - the bond between trainer and Pokémon is hugely important, and he just knows that it is right to use Pansage. They accept his judgment, and in preparation for the battle and also to fill in some time because the writers are basically on auto-pilot while they wait for XY to start - it's time to evaluate Pansage!

Cilan thinks back over his long history with Pansage, his battles against and with Ash, and everything he has learned on his journey both from Ash and Iris as well. He lists off Pansage's moveset, explains Pansage's special abilities and personality, and generally just ticks off a list of all the reasons why he really likes his best buddy Pokémon. Ash freely admits he really doesn't understand much of what just Cilan said, but he knows he's good with Pokémon! Iris agrees, he draws the best from his Pokémon, and Chili and Cress ask him to please defend their Gym from - and we finally get her name (or I didn't notice earlier), Morana. There's also a moment for Pansear and Panpour to come out and greet their old buddy, whom they haven't seen in a long time now - that's a nice touch.

They head over to the Lighthouse, and Morana steps out from behind it pleased to see that the "little boy" didn't run away. A confident Cilan notes that she didn't either (....well.... yeah, why would she?) and the battle soon begins - a one on one battle just like with his brothers. Morana brings out Abomasnow, and a sudden gust of snow hits them, Cilan remembering too late that Abomasnow has a special ability called Snow Warning - it's just laid down snow all across the battlefield and given it an enormous advantage. Cilan thinks he has a way to deal with that though, and calls for a Bullet Seed attack to open the battle. Morana has Abomasnow counter with a Bullet Seed of its own, which overpowers Pansage, but the little Pokémon is able to dodge aside in time and then use Dig to escape the follow-up Bullet Seed attack. Pansage makes the first hit, leaping out of the ground behind Abomasnow and smashing into it, much to Chili and Cress' delight.

Morana is unconcerned - she's not a person who loses her cool easily - and immediately orders Abomasnow to use Strength, countering immediately with overwhelming power and knocking Pansage back. He takes the shot and is still standing though, and Cilan congratulates him on his recovery before ordering an instant Solar Beam attack (that's supposed to take time!). Abomasnow counters with Blizzard and negates the attack, and for a second Cilan looks concerned, before a smile crosses his face and he remembers something - he's a Coordinator! So you know what that means!?! An excited Ash shouts out,"I KNOW! I KNOW!" as Iris sweats with embarrassment - it's Evaluation Time! Morana looks unsettled for the first time, she's used to putting her opponents off-balance with a mixture of sex appeal and emasculation. Chili and Cress are delighted, Cilan doing a mid-battle evaluation means he's on the top of his game and working at his best - they know their brother well.

Morana tries to smugly dismiss his performance, but Cilan not only refuses to rise to the bait, he throws out some of his own. In the form of an evaluation of Abomasnow, he actually mocks and belittles Morana herself for her cold and icy demeanour and tells her without that close connection with her Pokémon her battling will be shallow and predictable. She tries to sneer it off and get in some sniping of her own but he completely overrides her to talk about all the many forms of battles (akin to recipes) he has encountered throughout his journey. As he waxes lyrical, he reaches the hearts of the twerps and his brothers, the latter remembering their own childhood fun with their Pokémon - it seems they've had Pansear, Panpour and Pansage for a very long time now!

It's some pretty pro ice-burns on Morana, and the brothers continue to talk up the depth of their connection and how well all three worked together. Morana finally manages to get her oar in, shouting that the only thing that matters is winning, everything else is irrelevant. That just allows Cilan to hit her with some more truths (and brutally effective psychological warfare), if the only thing you care about is winning, then you'll never truly win any battle. Sure you might defeat your opponent, but without that connection and depth of understanding, you're just experiencing a shallow echo of what others are - victory for its own sake is worthless.

More off-balance than the normally in-control Morana wants to admit, she tries to take the offensive again with Sheer Cold. Pansage dodges with Dig and she follows up with an order to blast Blizzard down the hole. But Pansage hits first, blasting it in its fat belly with Bullet Seed before blasting out of the ground behind it ready to use Rock Tomb. Morana shouts out a warning and it twists around and uses Blizzard before Pansage can release the rock he has formed in its hand, freezing him in place just like Pansear and Panpour before him.

Morana is delighted, mocking Cilan by asking if his "oneness" can get Pansage out of the block of ice? And if not... well Abomasnow will crush the ice with Pansage still inside!

Wow, what a huge bitch!
Abomasnow uses Strength and then charges the ice, but while the twerps and his brothers shout out in panic, Cilan is calm. He ponders, the sun can still permeate the ice and his voice can still reach Pansage, it's just a matter of timing. He waits patiently as Abomasnow charges, and when it is too late for it to get clear, he lets out a roar to Pansage to unleash Solar Beam. The ice shatters and the blast of hot solar radiation slams directly into Abomasnow, sending it sprawling. Cilan follows up immediately with Rock Tomb, slamming the rock right into Abomasnow's face and.... knocking it right the fuck out!

Morana falls to her knees in horror, caring only for victory she has nothing to give comfort when she faces defeat. Chili and Cress are delighted, by only losing 2-1 they have totally earned keeping their gym! Cilan and Pansage hug with pleasure at their win, then notice a groggy Abomasnow coming to. Pansage jumps down to Abomasnow and offers a chunk of its horrible hairdo to Abomasnow to eat, which is really fucking disturbing even if it's supposed to be a thing that Pansages do. Abomasnow eats the hair (well it lost, it has to do what it’s told, right!?!), sits bolt upright in shock (well it just ate sentient vegetable hair!) and then finds itself feeling... okay? Better than okay, it feels good!

The twerps are pleased that the two seem to have come to a friendly understanding, but Morana cuts it short by recalling Abomasnow to its Pokéball. She prepares to leave, having been TOTALLY defeated by only beating two thirds of the Gym Leaders, but Cilan asks her to wait, obviously wanting to be friends too. Morana just grunts that the next time they meet she'll beat him, and heads off having learned nothing, gained nothing, and failed to grow at all as a person.

Hell of a rack, though!
They all return to the docks where Ash and Iris catch up with Alexa and learn she failed to make her deadline anyway. As they laugh at her professional incompetency and potential unemployment, Cilan says goodbye to his brothers... or does he? Troubled, he admits that maybe he should be thinking about returning to the Striaton Gym with them - what if another Morana shows up? Surprisingly Chili doesn't lose his shit at effectively being told,"What if you fuck things up again?". Instead, he and Cress offer their blessings to Cilan to continue traveling with Ash and Iris (who are relieved, after all who will make the meals?), promising they'll do everything they can to make sure the gym is properly handled. If he is still enjoying journeying with Ash and Iris, then he should continue to do so. With their blessing, he waves goodbye, and with a cry of Best Wishes! they sail off once again on their way towards Kanto.


The twerps are still together... for now.

BEST QUOTES

"I don't really understand everything you just said."

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