104: Pokemon Food Fight
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As Pikachu takes a face full of water, Ash bleakly puts forward the notion that they might be stuck on the island forever, what with the regularity of storms that last for the better part of one hundred years in the area, right you genius?
Silly bastard child.
Misty hopes that Ash is wrong as usual, subtly putting down the boy who has spurned her all too obvious advances in the past, since it will mean they will run out of food for themselves and their Pokemon.
Togepi seems unconcerned for the moment, knowing that it can feed of Misty's powerful life-force for a good long time yet, but Tracey, being no stranger to food, smugly tells them that finding food should be a problem.
He leads them to a large rock where some flowers are growing, mentioning that, according to the guide, these flowers are delicious, for Pokemon at least.
Ash and Misty, most likely simultaneously drawn and repulsed to the horrifically overweight Chubbster's ass-crack just nod before Chubbo (or El Sexo, depending on which Dodgemaster you support in this view) get's down and begins pulling out the flowers, tugging and tugging until he rips.....
A young boy out of the ground?
Ash, not getting it as usual, asks Tracey if the boy is in the guide, while the little flower-child angrily asks if Tracey thinks he can pick on him just because he's bigger.
Kid, you've got flowers in your head and you're wearing a sash, you deserve to be picked on.
The little punk talks himself up, proclaiming himself to be the greatest Grass Type Pokemon Trainer ever. Obviously suffering from Little Fuckwit's Syndrome, he leaps onto the rock and rants at Tracey until Ash, in an uncharacteristically diplomatic turn, tells the kid they didn't want to fight, they're just looking for food and they'll go away now.
Golzar makes the mistake of calling Ash a coward, which is absolutely the wrong thing to say, driving Ash mad with fury and accepting his challenge.
Ash and The Flower-Child face off and the little hippy pink calls out Gloom, which Ash checks with his Pokedex.
HA-HEY!
Just a minute, do you not remember dressing up like a girl and meeting a Gloom previously, Ash?
Well, we suppose something like that might be blocked out of our memory too!
Dexter informs Ash that Gloom is strong against Water-Types but weak against Fire-Types, so he calls out Charizard and gets..... SQUIRTLE!
No explanation seems to be given for this, and Ash makes Squirtle use his Water-Gun, which just makes Gloom stronger.
This leads to a little lover's tiff between Ash and Misty (they seem to have the tiffs but none of the great make-up sex that's supposed to go along with it.... that's gotta suck) and then Ash calls back Squirtle and tries to send out Charizard again, but once more the wrong Pokemon comes out and who should appear but.... SNORLAX!
The Poke-Ball broke in it's fall and won't call Snorlax back, so Ash has no choice but to battle with it. He pleads with the big bastard to wake up while The Hippy Kid very unhippyishly loses his temper and roars for Gloom to use it's Solar-Beam, which knocks Snorlax over and slams him into the rock, waking him up.
And yes, Gloom is a very tasty looking Grass Type Pokemon! HAHA!
Snorlax sneakily creeps his multi-tonned form towards Gloom, towers over him and tries to eat the ugly little freak. It jumps away as Snorlax attempts to eat it, The Flower Child finally calling his Gloom back.
Snorlax lumbers over to The Hippy Punk and sniffs him... can it be? Could it be? Will he eat the little punk and put him out of his misery?
We certainly hope so.
Unfortunately no, Snorlax just bites the flowers of his head and makes the punk cry a little before tearing away his sash (GOOD FORM SNORLAX!) and eating his lunch.
The little punk cries, telling us that his Mummy (he uses the word Mummy!) made him that lunch and now he doesn't even have his flowers to nibble on.
Snorlax, like all bullies, knows to kick when the opponent is down, so he drops the kid's lunch trays on his head, then drops the sash over his face.
He then promptly falls asleep while the kid tries to run away back to mummy like a little punk. Ash wants to know what about the battle, and the kid says he doesn't want to be eaten.
Ash explains Snorlax wasn't going to eat him, and then points out that it was the kid who so foolishly challenged him in the first place. He then notes Snorlax can't return to his Pokeball until he can get to a Pokemon Centre and fix it, and the kid tells him there is a Pokemon Centre..... over the mountain!
He then laughs and runs away home, where he'll probably change his underwear and drop the soiled pair to the bottom of the laundry hamper, hoping against hope that his mother won't notice the hershey squirts in her rush to get the wash done.
HA! What a loser!
Ash, meanwhile, is left with the dilemma of what to do about Snorlax. As Misty points out, he's very large and the mountain is very high, so just how the hell are they going to get him all the way over it?
Their solution is strangely creative.
Taking several conveniently placed logs of the exact length and width, Tracey, Ash and Pikachu will pull Snorlax along them, rolling him across as Misty moves each last log to the front position.
This doesn't explain, of course, how they actually got Snorlax onto the logs, let's just chalk it up to extensive continental drift or something.
Tracey, Ash and Pikachu, unfortunately, all have rather puny muscles and strain to drag Snorlax the first few meters, while Misty actually excels, dashing back and forth, carrying heavy logs with great ease.
This most likely has a little something to do with the fact that Togepi is in her back-pack and not making any skin-contact, giving her more strength and energy than as usual.
Still, Ash soon decides they need a rest, proclaiming that it is for Pikachu's benefit and not his own. Tracey, being a Chubby Chub Chub Chub and therefore greedy, Dodgemaster Lex’s Note: He is not he be Sex on Legs, suddenly 'remembers' that he has an apple in his bag. Ash asks if they should slice it up and divide it amongst themselves, but Tracey has a better idea. He'll attach the apple to a line and wake Snorlax up, then run ahead as Snorlax chases, taking them across the mountain.
So he lowers the apple over Snorlax's face and.... the big summabitch eats it.
Tracey is furious (over his plan failing or Snorlax eating the apple he intended for himself we're unsure) and runs around clutching his head and shouting.
Togepi, tired of all this foolishness, implants an idea in Misty's head. She looks a little unsure, commenting that she 'thinks' she has an idea.
What does a fisherman use to catch fish when he doesn't have any bait?
A LURE!
So simply put, all they need to do is fool Snorlax into thinking that they have food and he'll follow them up the mountain.
Misty then tricks Ash into volunteering, slapping his shoulder and talking him up, setting him up for a fall, just like any good woman does to her man.
Go Sister!
And so, the next thing we know Ash is dressed as an apple and....
NOW WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE!
They're stuck on an island!
They have no food!
Where in the hell did they get an apple costume!
Ahhh well.
We love it for the dodginess, not the skillful story-telling and Disney Quality Animation.
.... Misty and Tracey are barely stifling giggles as Ash stands pathetically in his apple costume, then Tracey awakens Snorlax and the big, hungry son of a bitch charges up the mountain after Ash.
Tracey can't believe that something so big can run so fast (his own top chubby speed a mere 9KM per hour waddle) and draws the race for prosperity, while Misty raises concerns that Snorlax might catch Ash.
And catch him he does.
Ash trips over a rock and falls onto his face, quietly moaning that, "He's applesauce."
Snorlax picks him up and tries to take a bite, hurting his teeth and dropping Ash like the bastard child that he is.
Snorlax cries a little, then forgets about it and falls asleep, slamming onto his back.
"I think I broke my core," moans Ash.
Haha! We're not going to say a word, read into it what you will! Tracey heaves and pants his way up beside Ash and proclaims that he was great.
"You made it all the way up to the top!" agrees Misty.
Again, read what you wish into it.
"I'm an apple today and I need a Doctor right away," moans Ash as Pikachu opens his apple costume up and lets him fall out.
Tracey notes that now they'll have to get Snorlax down the mountain, at which point Ash notices the river running downhill and he....
NOW WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE!
What river?
Where the hell did this river come from?
Water can't run uphill and it seems to feed from no source, we could understand if it was springing up from underground, pooling in a lake and then running downhill. But no! It's just running by, as if the land was flat, when it's not and.... ahh the hell with it!
....decides they should build a raft, which they do with astonishing speed, tying it all together and then dropping Snorlax onto it before they....
HANG ON ONE DAMN MINUTE!
How did they lift Snorlax onto the raft?
HOWDEHOWHOWHOW!?!
I.... oh dammit, just fegeddit!
....hop onto the raft and sail downriver, dropping down a rapid and picking up speed rapidly, making them realise that they're heading for a waterfall.
"It was nice knowing you!" gasps Ash in what could be his final words.
Poignant, huh?
And over they go, crashing to their deaths below.
That's it, Pokemon over, who would have thought it would end like this.
Hang on a second, they're not dead at all!
WE WUZ FOOLED!
Snorlax lies happily in the water, Pikachu and Togepi on his stomach while Ash, Misty and Tracey flail desperately, begging for some kind of assistance, pleading for help as the cold embrace of the depths reaches out for them.
Until Flower Child suggests they try standing up.
Tsk Tsk, I expected this of Ash, and maybe Tracey's chubbiness would penetrate his brain-cells, but not Misty.
Not sweet, sweet Misty.
Flower Child directs them to The Pokemon Centre, where a number of people have gathered. Ash wonders if maybe, just maybe, they broke their Pokeballs too.
"Nah, not too many people are that stupid," chuckles Flower Child, enraging Ash and making Misty laugh.
"I like him," she chuckles, "Don't you?" It seems people get their supplies via The Pokemon Centre, and the latest shipment is, well, late, so people are running low on Pokemon Food.
"I bet you could feed Pokemon for a week on your head gear!" surmises Tracey, causing Flower Child to over-react again and tell Tracey not to try bullying him again.
And then Nurse Joy is making an announcement, accompanied, as always, by Chansey.
It seems the supplies are finally on the way and should arrive in a few minutes, in fact the Supply Plane can be heard now, and via Tracey's binoculars they see it.
Ash wonders where the plane is going to land if there is no airport, and is answered seconds later when a supply crate is dropped via parachute, also seen through binoculars.
But the eyes viewing through those binoculars are not chubby ones, they're the beautiful eyes of....
JESSE OF TEAM ROCKET!
"AOOOAHOOOO! It's snack time!" giggles James girlishly, and then Meowth makes his appearance in The Meowth-Atron, a robotic Meowth that reaches out with a fired metallic hand, catches the crate and pulls it into the forest.
The crowd follows them in and spots the robotic Meowth, who takes in surprise before Jesse's head pops out from behind the crate.
"Prepare for Trouble but not for brunch!" cries Jesse.
"We're about to steal this steak box lunch!" finishes James.
They leap onto the box, James giving a little girlish grunt as he does so.
Hehehehe!
They say the rest of the motto, finished by Meowth who proclaims that he's ready to fight all night, calling himself the Mecha-Meowth-Inator.
Ash is ready to fight, of course, but Team Rocket have a little something else in mind. They'll be willing to give the Pokemon Food back (what do they want with Pokemon Food anyway!) in return for Ash's Pikachu.
Playing Devil's Advocate, they cajole and play to the crowd, telling them that they will let their poor hungry Pokemon eat, and all they want in return is Pikachu.
And the Crowd, not being soppy wussy little punks like in a kiddie's show, which Pokemon definitely IS NOT they all think it's quite a good idea.
But Flower Child is having none of it, he can't believe that anyone would even consider giving another person's Pokemon away.
For some reason the obnoxious little hippy's whining seems to get to the crowd and they back off, which sickens Team Rocket, of course.
Meowth isn't done yet, he wants a battle with Ash, and if the emotionally crippled little boy can win it, then he gets the food back, but if he loses.... oh if he loses then Misty must become Dodgemaster Tim's sexual plaything for.... oops, sorry, that was a dream.
If he loses then they get Pikachu, and despite his reservations, Ash agrees.
Pikachu faces off against Meowth and uses his Thunderbolt attack, but all it does is tickle Meowth, since the energy is absorbed through the lightning rod in his head and transferred through his tail to the ground below.
Meowth uses his Power Swipes, smashing through rocks as Pikachu runs in terror. It leaps into Ash's hands, who complains that no Pokemon can defeat Meowth in that robot outfit, which Meowth takes to mean he has won Pikachu fair and square.
Before any hand-off can take place, however, Snorlax smashes through the trees and glares angrily at Team Rocket. It seems he's woken up and is none too pleased, which Chubby Old Tracey takes to mean he wants to help his friends.
We Dodgemaster's find it more like that he got really hungry and is irritable because there's nothing to eat. Meowth somewhat resembles a boiled egg in his robot suit and Snorlax might find the concept rather a tasty one.
Meowth uses his Power Swipes but Snorlax dodges easily, so The Mecha-Meowth-Inator tries his skull bash attack, firing the top of his head at Snorlax and watching it bounce uselessly off.
Snorlax scratches his head slightly.
James suggests Meowth try the Turbo Body Slam, which James appears to have conveniently forgot, he tries the move but it appears to backfire, firing him out instead and slamming him into Snorlax's gut. The Big Bastard turns around and fires Meowth back out, knocking over Jesse and James and smashing them into the river. Ash calls for Snorlax to finish them off, which it does in an extremely appropriate fashion, calling forth a massive burst of power which we would call gas, but which Tracey calls....
"HYPERBEAM!"
"Yeah, I knew that," laughs Ash sheepishly. Team Rocket blast off again and Snorlax turns to grin happily at Ash, then runs towards him. Ash laughs and begins running too, calling for Snorlax to give him a big ol' hug as Snorlax.... charges past him and lovingly hugs the food before plowing into it and chowing down.
He collapses into unconsciousness again as Ash notes sheepishly (He does that a lot, doesn't he!) that Snorlax loves food just a bit more than he loves Ash.
Nurse Joy fixes the Pokeball for Ash, who thanks and then calls the sleeping Snorlax back before Flower Child steps forward and apologises to Ash, saying he had him all wrong.
They shake hands and The Dodgemasters wonder what forced this sudden complete reversal in personality until Togepi roars with laughter.
AHA! So the Freaky Egg Thingy is behind it all, as usual, enforcing his own mind onto anothers and playing with them like puppets.
Evil, evil Togepi, you must be stopped.
The Storm at sea has finished, as The Narrator notes in a rather sappy Segueway, and it's time to recall Lapras (shudder) and head back out to sea, another episode ended successfully.
And plot-holes be damned!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "I bet you could feed Pokemon for a week on your head gear!"
 "I think I broke my core!"
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