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96: Mandarin Island Miss Match | ||||||||
Dodgy
Synopsis
OH MY GOD! OH MY! SHIT! We don't fucking believe it! This has to be the most borderline dodgy episode we've ever seen on actual television. How this was allowed to be aired when Holiday At Aopulco was banned is beyond us! SHIT! SHIIIIT! Tim's SOOOOO HAPPY! Pant, Pant, Pant Anyway, ahem, anyway, this episode starts off with Ash and Bulbasaur kicking some Butterfree ass (and why not, we ask you!) Tracey can't believe the number of fights Ash has gotten into and Misty can't believe he's won all of them. "On Mandarin Island, I'm the man!" cries Ash with a laugh, finding joy in administering physical beatings on butterflies. Tough guy. Tracey and Misty roll their eyes but at least Bulbasaur and Pikachu seem the love the poor, emotionally crippled little boy. Ash expounds on his greatness, then comments that's he's also very hungry. This causes everyone to fall over, and for some reason Pikachu has stars in his eyes. ? Somehow the emotionally crippled little bastard (Oak and Ketchum never married, buddies) manages to freeload some food off some poor restauranteur and begins stuffing his face. As he does this, Misty makes a comment familiar to many married couples around the world and something she's probably destined to say to Ash again at some later point in life. "Take it easy, what are you in such a hurry for?" Tracey finds a brochure on a Pokemon Lecture and battle featuring a woman called Prima and Misty goes ab so lute lee berserk. She blushes and clutches her hands together, squealing in excitement and joy in a manner not unlike that of a certain squinty eyed, toned and tanned Gym Leader we all miss so very much. As she does this, a short skirt appears behind her and comments that she's glad to have fans. The trio stare in total shock at.... not Prima, but, and we apologise for the vulgarity but it's called for, but at Prima's tits! Even Ash seems to be in love (for a moment at least, he soon shakes it) but during the next scene where Misty and Tracey are yabbering away excitedly, there can be no doubt that Misty is staring at and talking to Prima's enormous, voluptuous breasts! Hooray for lesbianism! Meanwhile, Meowth is watching all in interest as behind him Jesse and James scoff their faces with food, obviously having scored some free food of the generous soul who provided for Ash, Misty and Tracey. They note that Prima seems to only have eyes for Togepi. Prima then walks to the railing (not that you can tell, since the camera totally centres on her breasts!) and she leans forward to expose a very generous amount of cleavage. Ash is very eager to fight the sex-pot, but she's only interested in talking about the wind and the sea and other bollocks like that, which is certainly very interesting to a man interested in her as a sex object, but old Ashy-boy only wants to fight. Prima turns to talk to Ash, with Misty and Tracey in the background, but all you see is one giant tit to represent Prima..... I mean hell! This is supposed to be a kid's show? BOLLOCKS! Ash tries a little reverse psychology, claiming he's going to find someone not scared to fight him. Picking on a teen who is obviously one of the worlds worst actors, he challenges him to a battle. Misty makes the rather odd comment : "Now he's found somebody else, oh well, I might as well watch!" Voyeuristic wench! Squirtle proceeds to kick some Persian ass before the bad actor calls out a Tauros (Ash owns a whole herd!) and it slaps Squirtle about. Ash then calls out Charizard, totally confident that he can control the dragon now. It proceeds to burn his ass. The bad actor makes the mistake of sending his Tauros to attack, and so Charizard has him a little BBQ Tauros. Mmmmm, Beefy! But now Charizard is pissed and trying to fry everyone, and it's up to Pa-titty.... sorry, Prima, to save the day, calling on.... SLOWBRO! Diving about and bending low to show more cleavage, the sex on legs Trainer gets Slowbro to use disable, although I tend to think Charizard just caught a glimpse of them bajoobies and lost it's... shall we say.... flexibility? Prima asks Ash to come along with Misty and Tracey to the demonstration and it's fun to note that the Announcer is The Pokemon League Announcer. We guess he's gotta fill in on the off-season. A quick pan runs up Prima and freezes momentarily on her breasts, then very, very, very, very slowly pans up the rest of her body. We get a glimpse of J,J and M doing what they do best, legitimate enterprise and then Prima is pushing her breasts into the camera before leaping back, flipping her hooters back and forth and then, as her opponent is totally befuddled and only one part of him is at attention, launches her attack. Beating her opponents with ease, Prima stands tall and Misty stares at her in totally adoration and love, hearts pumping up from her body. Very freaky, Misty has never shown any lesbian tendencies before (except maybe in Bye Bye Psyduck,, remember Marina?) but a lady like Prima.... well, she makes a girl look twice! Again, a slow pan (more like a crawl!) over Prima's breasts and then it's an ad break and a cold shower for Tim. As the ad break finishes and I dry my luxurious hair, Ash, Misty and Tracey are having tea with Miss Big Ti.... Prima. Anyway, Ash has just realised what Prima is doing, it's.... it's.... it's.... it's.... "Pika" offers Pikachu helpfully. "Yeah! Perverse Psychology!" cries Ash. "You sound smarter with your mouth shut" mutters Misty. Prima then explains her philosophy on life and it is a total rip off from Bruce Lee! Flow like the water? What the hell! Go with the flow? If Bruce wasn't pretending to be dead he's kick all your asses! She explains that you need to be strong and Ash, cuddling his cute, furry and yellow electric mouse at the time, claims that he's strong, real strong! Meanwhile, Tracey seems to have hit on something, and he claims that he can almost feel what she means. Yeah right, Chubbo, we all know what you're feeling! Ash, as always, just don't get it and demands another Pokemon battle. Prima begrudgingly accepts while Misty shakes her head in disbelief that her boyfriend is making such a fool of himself to the nice Pokemon Philosopher with big breasts and a short skirt. Ash calls on Pikachu and Prima uses Cloyster, but Ash has a plan, valiant reader, a plan so devilishly intricate in it's simplicities that it defies plausibility. Yes, and the plan is..... Thunderbolt? Thunderbolt! That's it? Your plan is Thunderbolt! And of course, Pikachu gets it's ass whooped! The boy just DOESN'T GET IT! It's at this point that Pra-Titty makes a big, long-winded speech about love and strength and water and saline implants and so-forth. At this point even her breasts aren't enough to hold Tim's attention and he's about to fall asleep until Jesse and James arrive and take the piss deliciously. "Do you have it on CD?" asks Meowth with a laugh. "Tape only," replies the business savvy pair of breasts,"18.95!" J, J and M are taken aback at this, and then Ash 'realises' that they've come to steal Prima's Pokemon. You just don't get it, do you boy. As Jesse and Meowth explain that they can't hope to beat Prima, they're just going to take the beaten Pikachu, James waves his hand in front of his nose as if saying that she's smelly. Yeah! James isn't taken in by such silly things as breasts and lips and hips and thighs and buttocks and..... oh, excuse me. Dodgemaster Lex’s note:Oh, Tim, you silly red blooded hetero male, you. Ahem, yes, that's better, just let me dry my hair again. Anyway, since Prima has just explained the importance of losing, Meowth explains how they understand due to making it the basis of their entire career. Tracey comments about how weird they are and Ash is ready to send his half dead Pikachu into battle when Prima, realising her breasts are powerless on James, calls out Jinx to do away with these non-lust-crazed opponents. Jinx blasts them off again and the ice blast turns into snow, falling down onto them. Prima faces up at the sky and comments that the Ice is Nice. The Ice Is Nice? The Ice Is Nice? What the hell kind of philosopher is she, anyway? Ready to leave now, Ash claims he will be listening to the wind from now on. With his stomach being what it is, I kind of figure that he'll be hearing a lot from it in the future. Misty informs Prima that she's going to go with the flow, perhaps letting the large breasted philosopher/trainer know that she's willing to experiment? (Don't do it Misty! Jesse fell into that trap with Cassidy! Don't be forced into doing something you don't want, Remember The Alamo!). Hopefully Misty will allow that philosophy to flow into her personal life with Ash. Or is that too much to ask? But the dodginess is back in full force, Viva La Dodginess! Viva La Dogase! HOORAY!
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