264: Love, Pokémon Style!
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Love, Pokemon Style!
Ash stands staring at the giant contest screen which is explaining the bracketing system for the tournament. He is in Group H with a girl and a boy, and the three trainers will fight each other with the points system deciding who will move on into the top 16. 3 points are awarded for every victory, 1 point is awarded for a draw, and 0 points are awarded for a loss. Ash struggles valiantly with the hugely difficult advanced mathematical calculation called "addition" and then decides fuck it, he'll just win all his matches!
He steps outside and is immediately confronted by an angry girl with a Vulpix who knows his name and he.... doesn't know who the fuck she is!
Just like his father!
She swoons in horror then growls she is Macey, and she is in his group. He vaguely remembers her (it was almost 15 seconds ago that he saw her on the screen, after all!) and she growls that she wants to know all she can about her opponent, so she challenges him to an impromptu match. Brock and Misty don't think it is too good of an idea for Ash to be fighting so close to an official match, but Ash is eager to fight and they prepare to....
"Prepare for trouble and don't be forgetful!" cries Jesse, her and James having nabbed Pikachu and Vulpix in nets.
"And you can make it double because we've both got a netfull!" adds James.
"Meowth, dat's right! and we just netted ourselves a profit!" adds Meowth, and then they take off on a bicycle, leaving the shocked twerps and Macey behind. Ash realises that he can't catch them by running directly after them, so he.... leaps off the side of the hill!
Macey tries to follow, trips and rolls and is only saved from crippling injures or death when Ash catches her in his arms, then tells her to stay there as he rushes dramatically off after Team Rocket. Macey stares after him and.... oh my goodness me, she's didn't just fall down that cliff, she fell for Ash... hard!
Ash sends out Bayleef which grabs Pikachu and Vulpix by the nets, and then uses Vine Whip again to send Team Rocket blasting off... all ready! Macey hugs her Vulpix and watches Ash with his Pokemon and moans with wobbly eyes of love that he is so brave and courageous and she owes him her life and maybe lunch and....
"Excuse me, but Ash is BOOKED!" growls Misty, cutting in between them.
Over the hills and mountains, past the rivers in a vast field, massive herds of slumbering AAMLers lift their heads, suddenly alert, moving their heads in horrible, synchronous motion. They have been asleep so long, but now.... now....
Misty introduces herself and Macey scoffs that Water Pokemon ain't nuffin neither, then demands to know if Misty is his girlfriend. As she stammers that she isn't (and the AAML herd moans in terrifying synchronised pleasure) Macey continues to push her, until they both realise that Ash is heading off, waving goodbye and saying he is going back to the get ready for the battle. Macey waves goodbye too, laughing that if she wins then he'll get to take her out... on a date!
Back in the Pokemon Centre, Professor Oak tells Ash he has sent him all of his Pokemon and wishes him luck, and Ash asks if Nurse Joy will look after them for him. Brock begs her to take care of him too, but Misty drags him off saying she'll take care of him instead.
In a small, dark cave deep beneath the surface of the earth, Gymshippers shift in their hibernating slumber ever so slightly, then go back to sleep.
Ash proclaims that he has all ready decided on which Pokemon he plans to use, but Brock and Misty insist he not jump the gun and instead do some research. They look up Macey on the internet (oh no!) and find out she uses mostly fire Pokemon, so Misty insists he use water Pokemon and show her how much better they are. Ash only has two Water Pokemon on him though, but when Brock spots another Pokemon in Macey's file (unseen by the viewer), he says he has a plan.
The next day finds Team Rocket back at the Conference, but this time forgoing stealing Pikachu to try their hand once again at what they've proven to be good at in the past.... legitimate enterprise! Well kind of legitimate, they're selling fake trinkets/souvenirs by painting James' bottlecaps. As they work away making money, Ash is doing some training with Kingler, only for disaster to strike when some Voltorb come rolling down the hill out of control and blast Kingler, putting it out of fighting commission for the day. It seems Ash will have to use Totodile after all, as well as the Pokemon he is going to use for Brock's plan.... but what will his third Pokemon be?
And that's when Officer Jenny pulls up in a motorcycle with none other but Squirtle in the sidecar!
Yes the homophobic Pokemon that manages to find itself in any number of homoerotic situations is back from its "Fratboy Firefighting" and eager to lend Ash a hand, or at the very least watch him battle. Later, at the stadium, a random selection means that Macey will call out her Pokemon first. She brings out Slugma, so Ash sends out Totodile which dances with delight because holy shit some of those people in the crowd have facial hair! Slugma uses Flamethrower but Totodile puts it out with Water Gun, so Slugma creates a Double Team and surrounded Totodile, firing Flamethrower again. Totodile shoots Water Gun again and shoots through the various Double Team illusions, hitting Slugma hard and knocking it back. Realising that Slugma is taking a beating, Macey decides to use her secret weapon and sends in.... Electabuzz!
Her pleasure at "tricking" Ash is quickly lost though when Brock's plan is revealed, and he calls out Phanpy! Electabuzz tries a Thunderbolt and it completely fails to have any impact, so she calls her "secret weapon" out of the fight and sends Slugma in again. Ash has Phanpy use Earthquake and then Rollout, and Slugma reacts with a Flamethrower which spills over Phanpy's Defence Curl. Slugma tries a slam but misses and gets hit by another Earthquake, and then Phanpy uses TakeDown and Slugma goes down!
Knowing that Electabuzz is useless against Phanpy, Macey has no choice but to use her Quilava. Phanpy tries Rollout but the quick Fire Pokemon uses Flame Wheel to dodge, then Quick Attacks Phanpy and dodges another Take Down with Flame Wheel which.... knocks Phanpy out!
Brock and Misty are surprised, Phanpy should have won that fight easily, but now Ash is at a tremendous disadvantage. Both of Ash's remaining Pokemon are Water Types, and Macey has a Fire Pokemon and an Electric Pokemon. He sends in Totodile which, once more, dances with delight because it might be a Thursday perhaps!
Macey recalls Quilava and sends Electabuzz back out, and Totodile tries Water Gun only for it to be blocked by Light Screen, then counters a Headbutt with a Thunder punch, smashing Totodile flying through the air and hard into the wall, knocking it clean out with the one shot!
So it's all up to Squirtle now, which comes out and immediately faces a speedy Thunder Punch which it can't possibly dodge in time.... so it just blasts right through the punch with a Water Gun! Yes Squirtle has been working as a fire-fighter for quite some time now, and has really developed the speed of its attacks to deal with quickly spreading fires. However as it dodges Thunder Punches, Electabuzz prepares an Iron Tail and scores a direct hit, smashing Squirtle back. It goes for another Thunder Punch, but Squirtle Water Guns it again with a direct hit right in the same spot as before. Electabuzz tries a Thunderbolt, but Squirtle leaps through it and scores a Skull Bash, knocking out Electabuzz and leaving Quilava as Macey's only Pokemon.
It's one on one!
Squirtle tries Water Gun but Quilava quickly makes a wall with Flame Wheel, avoiding any damage. Quilava tries Swift, which Squirtle avoids with a Bubble attack, and the clash of attacks creates a smokescreen, meaning neither can see their oppone.... Squirtle lands a direct shot right on Quilava through the smoke!
Yes, Gentle Dodgers, Squirtle is a FIRE FIGHTER! A little smoke in its eyes isn't going to stop it.
The two Pokemon crash together and Squirtle is left lying on its back, which is bad for a turtle AND a homophobe, let alone both. Quilava zooms in for the kill but Squirtle uses Hydropump and makes a direct hit and.... Quilava is out, Ash wins his first battle!
Macey calls back Quilava and then thanks Ash for the great battle, saying he is every bit the man she thought he was (HAHA!). Ash thanks her in return, saying it was great to fight with Squirtle another time.
Meanwhile, Team Rocket have sold all of their fake badges and Jesse and Meowth are pleased with their profits and decide to get going while the getting is good. But James roars that they got rid of all of HIS bottlecaps, so goddammit he means for them to double or triple their profits!
As the sun sets, Brock and Misty note that Ash is in a great position now for his Group, with 3 points against both his opponents 0's. Then Macey rushes up to show that her Slugma has evolved into a Magcargo due to their battle, and she'll always have it as a mark of what they "shared". But she has to cancel their "date" (that Ash didn't even know about) because she needs to concentrate on training, so she runs off happily waving, living in her own oblivious little world.
Speaking of living in his own oblivious world, Ash just watches her run off without a fucking clue that she's desperately in love with him, then grins and declares that he has training to do too!
Further speaking of living in THEIR own oblivious world, the AAML herd settles back into slumber feeling content, because they got their requisite implied moment of luuuuurve and know all is right in the world. Yes, OMG Sah dan Misyt WILL b 2geva 4eva.
And in the far distant Hoenn region, a young girl with an overly developed chest sleeps happily in her bed, completely oblivious herself to the destruction she will wrought on the AAMLers fragile little minds in only six episodes to come.
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