261: Mother of All Battles
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Mother of all Battles
On the other side of the bridge Larvitar leads the twerps into the forest, watched by a trio of thieves whose name surprisingly doesn't rhyme with Beam Socket. No, it's a fat guy, a cat-faced freak with a bowl haircut and a smooth looking guy who is obviously their leader. As the twerps move along, the ground begins to shake and then a Tyranitar appears from out of the bushes, much to Ash's surprise. As they look it over with Dexter, Ash notes that it has the same scar that they saw in Larvitar's mind in the last episode... this must be its mother!
Ash insists that Larvitar rush up to the grumpy looking giant reptile and nudges it forward. The moment he does Tyranitar glares with fury at the young boy and lets rip with a Hyperbeam, Brock crying out that it thinks they're trying to hurt Larvitar. Ash tries to reason with the giant pissed off Godzilla monster but oddly it doesn't seem to understand, and as Brock says, "It's no use, she's an angry mum!"
They cheese it, figuring that once they've been "scared" away, Tyranitar will take Larvitar and they'll all live happily ever after. But the one kink in this plan is that running along with them in terror is Larvitar! It grabs onto Pikachu's tail and holds on for dear life as they run, watched by the trio of poachers who make no move as Tyranitar blasts the twerps off of their feet with Hyperbeam. Larvitar lets loose with a Screech and Tyranitar comes to a stop, seemingly realising that Larvitar is its child.... and then the trio of poachers strike!
A missile strikes Tyranitar, wrapping it up in a padded bag and restraining it into place. The poachers step forward and the twerps recognise them from their brief trip into Larvitar's mind. Chico is the catlike looking freak with the bowl haircut, Blurt is the fat red nosed alcoholic, and their leader is Braggo and he does the best damn impersonation of Tony Curtis impersonating Cary Grant you're likely to hear. They are.... THE POACHER BROTHERS!
Not exactly an awesome team name like The Mongooses, is it.
Watching from even further back is Team Rocket, and Jesse has all ready decided that she can't stand The Poacher Brothers. James and Meowth are personally quite taken with their capture technology as well as Braggo's ability to rhyme, sound like Cary Grant and (this being the real clincher that puts him above Jesse in their minds) his plans actually make sense! Jesse makes a horrible attempt at a rhyme of her own, then growls that if they can't beat the Poacher Brothers, they'll join them.... at least until their backs are turned and they can steal the glory!
Meanwhile the twerps are demanding that the Poacher Brothers free Tyranitar, but surprisingly the POACHER Brothers don't immediately do so, instead trying to capture Larvitar and getting Ash instead after he leaps in the way. The sound of sirens alerts the Brothers to run for it, and they use their machine to grab Tyranitar and cheese it, Brock sending a disinterested looking Crobat to follow them.
As a woman pulls up on a motorcycle with a Croconaw in tow and demands to know what it going on, Pikachu ignores all this nonsense to pick up and a stick and poke the trapped Ash, smiling happily as it mocks and taunts its trainer.
Haha, what an asshole!
Brock explains what happened and then they remember that Ash is wrapped up in a sleeping bag prison, and the woman - Mason, who they were looking for - tells them they shouldn't have gone over the bridge but come straight to her (gee maybe they should have read the big sign that wasn't there warning them not to go in). Braggo's rhyming seems to be contagious (wouldn't be the first time Cary Grant gave someone something they weren't expecting and didn't want) as Brock and Mason both make some accidental verse, and then Ash screams out in desperation that whoever smelt it, dealt it!
Well that's just awesome, Ash.
Larvitar is emo-ing it up, of course, and Mason tries to comfort it, causing it to harden up in shock.
"Oh yeah, it hardens sometimes," sighs Misty.
"Why, did I make it harden?" asks Mason.
Are they talking about Brock?
Meanwhile, Team Rocket have introduced themselves to the Poacher Brothers and are bowing down before them, treating the viewers to a GAS and then.... well they start giving them massages before Meowth sticks his ass into Chico's face while James giggles that Blurt has such nice muscle tone.
Kid's show, my ass.
The Poacher Brothers enjoy the worshiping (and bizarre) treatment, and decide they can use Team Rocket to boss around and clean up after them, and instruct them to go and capture Pikachu and Larvitar, allowing them to use their robotic poaching machine. Well the trio don't have to be told twice, they leap into the machine and fly off, chuckling that they've suckered The Poacher Brothers. Meanwhile, Braggo explains to the others that it was just about time to leave this Pokemon Reserve for greener pastures, so Team Rocket can be their suckers and cop all of the blame.
Crobat gets back to the twerps and starts leading them back towards the Brothers, only for Team Rocket to show up in their newfangled machine.
"Prepare for trouble cause it has approached!"
"And make it double or you'll be poached!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket poaching now at the speed of light,"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Yeah dat's right!" finishes Meowth.
They explain they've teamed up with the Poacher Brothers.... well kind of.... for a little while at least, kind of like a summer job.... then shoot one of the bag missiles at Pikachu. But a Thunderbolt and Hydropump combo from Pikachu and Croconaw knocks it back, binding Team Rocket instead and sending them blasting off again.
While that's going on, The Poacher Brothers float over the reserve in Team Rocket's Happy Buddha Face Meowth balloon, Tyranitar hanging beneath them. They take control of the poaching machine via remote control, grabbing Pikachu and Croconaw with metallic hands before wrapping a bag around Mason and the twerps, leaving only Larvitar is free. Ash cries out to it to help them, and it lets rip with a screech that gets the captured Tyranitar's attention. It shakes about trying to get free as the Poacher Brothers laugh that it'll never get out. It tries Hyperbeam and they send an electric current through the restraints to shock it into submission, never thinking that one of Tyranitar's main weapons is its goddamn teeth! It chews through the wrapping and gets free enough to let loose with a massive Hyperbeam that bursts through the balloon and drops the remote, freeing Tyranitar and the twerps.
Landing, the Poacher Brothers stagger free and leap into their Poaching Machine and head straight for Mason and the twerps to just run them down, but Tyranitar fires Hyperbeam.... and so does Larvitar!?!?! Croconaw and Pikachu are freed, Croconaw landing on top of Brock as he runs about beneath it trying to capture it. The tank falls into pieces and leaves the Poacher Brothers sitting shocked and smoking as Mason quickly sets to tying them up. She thanks Ash for his help but he (rightly) points out that he did nothing, it was all Larvitar. They notice that it doesn't Harden up despite Mason's presence, but not all of them are so lucky, as Brock rushes up to Mason to tell her he wants to be a Ranger with her, and Misty drags him away by the ear.
As the sun sets, the twerps say their goodbyes to Mason and head off towards the Silver Conference (promises promises), but one Pokemon lighter. Larvitar and it's Mother have been reunited, and Tyranitar holds up Larvitar to wave goodbye to the twerps as they set off on their way once more, having finally achieved their final distraction by getting Larvitar home.
Thus we say goodbye to the Emo Pokemon, Larvitar, as the episode ends on Team Rocket hanging upside down from the bridge at the start of the episode. But what valuable lesson have we learned today Gentle Dodgers? That you should put up signs on bridges if what is over the bridge is deadly? That poaching is wrong? That Cary Grant really spoke like a weirdo? That a man would only marry another man for security? That women in Uniform cause "Harden"? That building up the character of a new Pokemon was wasted in a 15 second parting of the ways?
No, Gentle Dodgers, the lesson here is one seen the world around by "Fathers" of socially awkward, emo freaks.
Dump them on the Mother and let THEM deal with that shit.
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