255: Hatch Me if You Can
|
|
Hatch Me If You Can
Apparently so, as moments later it stops glowing. Ash thinks maybe it just needs to get a little warmer, and shoves the egg under his shirt, creating the look of a pregnant 10 year old boy (before you check Google, Gentle Dodgers, rest assured that there probably is a fetish for this type of thing out there somewhere). He sings a horrible little ditty to the egg, calling for the "legendary Pokemon" inside to come out, and who should overhear those two keywords but our very own beloved Team Rocket!
Well baseless speculation is good enough for Jesse, she wants that egg! James is less sure though, pointing out that he never heard of a Legendary Pokemon Egg before, but Jesse insists that is just because of how rare it is.
Meanwhile, Ash gets a rather creeped out look on his face and says the egg may have hatched after all (either that or he squeezed it just a little too hard), and he lifts his shirt (There is DEFINITELY a fetish for that, just ask at any rest stop along America's highways) to reveal a curled up little green Pokemon that looks a little like a lizard wearing kiss make-up.
Ash checks his Pokedex and finds that the Pokemon is not a Legendary Pokemon at all, but a Larvitar, which are usually found underground. After claiming credit for hatching it and Misty growling that he didn't actually do anything (preach on sister, if Ash thinks childbirth is that easy he's got another think coming) they notice that the Larvitar isn't doing anything at all, just lying curled up, unmoving and unresponsive. Brock checks its temperature (if your minds are in the gutter, Gentle Dodgers, kindly get them out) and says that it is too low, and they need to get to a Pokemon Centre quickly. Misty notes that New Bark Town is still too far off, but Brock checks a map and discovers there is one nearby (bit of luck that) and they quickly head off towards it.
Arriving at the Centre, Nurse Joy is at a loss to explain why the Larvitar is seemingly so sickly, and e-mails Professor Elm to ask him for advice. Unfortunately for her, though, Professor Elm is not at his lab but down at the docks....
Gentle Dodgers, if your minds aren't in the gutter, go on and jump right in.
....where he has encountered Professor Oak and Delia Ketchum!
Just roll around in that gutter, Gentle Dodgers, revel in it!
Yes Oak has come to surprise Ash (and brought Ash's Mum along for the ride!) but like the boy himself, Elm just doesn't get it (and like Brock, never will get it!) and suggests they could pull a good surprise by putting on monster masks and jumping out at him. Delia happily agrees, very cheerful indeed, almost as if it was chemically induced, and tells them about how when Ash was an even younger boy she used to "prank" him by rubbing off her make-up to show the crack-whore beneath before growling that she was the monster under his bed.
No wonder he dropped out of school and started travelling the world making animals beat each other up.
Professor Elm declares that he now knows where Ash gets his mischievous side, declaring that Delia must be a "fun mum".
Yes Gentle Dodgers, you can pretty much guarantee that fetish can be found in numerous places around the Internet.
Storm clouds gather overhead, and apparently itšs a pretty big one as it also reaches as far as the Pokemon Centre the twerps are at. Larvitar has been wrapped up in a blanket and put near a heater, but its temperature remains low and seems to be getting lower despite their precautions. Lightning strikes and the power goes out, turning off the heater, and the emergency generator doesn't kick in, much to Joy's concern. She heads outside to investigate, and discovers the generator has a smoking hole in it, as if it was struck by lightning. She moves forward to take a closer look, and the ground gives way beneath her as she falls into a hole dug by Team Rocket, who are the ones responsible for the generator going out.
Inside Ash is confused (what else is new) by how long Nurse Joy is taking, and then the door bursts open and a masked male nurse and shiny-faced Nurse Joy roll in a stretcher with a quarantine tank attached. They tell the twerps that they've come to take Larvitar, and Ash eagerly prepares to hand it over, but Brock zooms in the way, growling that Joy is a fake. She demands to know (without opening her mouth!) what makes him so sure, and Brock declares with alternating love and vicious suspicion that the real Joy has a voice like an angel, clear and soft like a songbird in a tree.
"But YOU...." he hisses, "Your voice sounds like a gravel truck! Joy smells like fresh wildflowers growing in a field, while this one smells like holes dug deep in the dirt. The last difference is that Joy is beautiful.... and her mouth moves when she talks!"
Jesse pulls off the mask and yells at Brock, saying that she is a hundred times prettier than Joy, and Meowth leaps up and smacks her with a fan for blowing their cover (because yeah, they were gonna get away with it until that moment). James makes a grab for Larvitar, but Ash pulls back and leaves James with the blanket, before Pikachu Thunderbolts them and leaves Team Rocket running off again!
Misty and Brock grab Nurse Joy out of the hole outside and she tells them the generator is damaged beyond repair, but inside Ash shows his talent for freeloading has not deserted him, using Cyndaquil to provide heat for Larvitar.
Back in New Bark Town, Professor Elm is engaged in a vigorous intellectual argument with Professor Oak, which isn't the kind of double teaming that Delia was hoping for. They ignore her as they argue over what makes a Pokemon's personality, is it inborn or a result of environment. Delia notices that Elm has a new e-mail and points it out to him, and he checks it and discovers the Larvitar predicament.
At the Pokemon Centre, Ash is sleeping with Larvitar in his arms and finds himself in a weird dream-world.
He stands in darkness
around him confines
motoring truck
despair
crash
fall
river!
People all around laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh because
they're the same
People kicking, stop kicking
truck coming
bearing down on me
like the universe
nobody understands my despair
Oh my God, Larvitar is an Emo-Goth!
Yes Ash has experienced Larvitar's memories/emotions and they're about as deep as a 15 year old girl complaining that her Dad doesn't "get her" so she cuts herself. Waking up from this nightmare of middle class ego-centrism, Ash finds that Professor Elm has arrived at the Centre, along with Professor Oak and his mother! The two Professors check out Larvitar, then declare that the twerps have kept it alive long enough for them to fix it up good as new (which it is!). Ash is pleased to hear this, then asks his Mum why she is there. Well that's a very interesting question, so Delia completely ignores it and offers to cook them breakfast.
Hahaha, oh Delia..... you whore.
Professor Elm announces that Larvitar is fixed up now (physically at least) but both he and Professor Oak are concerned that while it is now fully conscious and healthy, it remains unresponsive. Ash asks it what is wrong, and then Delia pops in to let them know breakfast is ready, so they all head out to have a bite to eat, watched by Larvitar which opens its eyes slightly as they leave.
Ash tells them about his dream/bad poetry and the Professor's theorise that somehow Ash got to see inside of Larvitar's head, and considering the crappy way the world has treated it so far, it doesn't want anything to do with it.
Pffft, teenagers.
Ash decides that the best thing to do is show Larvitar the world, so he takes it out and explains his own take on the world, including such "facts" like the sky being endless and grass being nice, and the sun making him feel good. He lies down in the grass, as does Pikachu, while Larvitar sits stone still and continues not to respond, even to the Jumpluff floating nearby.
Out of nowhere a man and woman appear by a haystack and tell Ash he is being a goody two-shoes, and when he demands to know who they are, they explain.
"Prepare for trouble and stop your dreaming!"
"Make it double, cause wešre busy scheming!"
"To protect the world from goody two-shoes."
"And let you know that when you snooze, you lose."
"Go ahead, take your nap and float off to dreamland."
"Then your Pokemon will be under our command."
"Jesse."
"Eeeee!" Eeeee's James,"James!"
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight."
"Meowth, Dat's Right!"
Team Rocket declare to Larvitar that the haystack is far more comfortable than that itchy old grass, and Ash snaps at them that Larvitar isn't stupid. They laugh and burrow their way into the hay, popping back out inside of a robot with waving mechanical arms and a net. Ash scoops Larvitar up and starts running, the machine chasing while a giant arm playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors" with Ash, who loses by playing scissors to rock (and doesn't pull the fingers, as some people have claimed). Meowth happily explains to James that the robot is designed to make its move 3 micro-seconds after the opponent, so it never loses. The arm grabs Ash who drops Larvitar to the ground, where it lies unmoving as Pikachu tries to Thunderbolt the robot, only for Team Rocket to laugh as they are fully insulated.
Pikachu is grabbed in a claw, and the Jumpluff fly into the robots way, causing Team Rocket to snap angrily at them as they try to swat them aside. Larvitar watches all of this, and then finally breaks out of its self-imposed Emo-exile and lets loose with a massive, ear piercing screech which deafens everybody. Ash yells at Larvitar to get clear, but instead it begins to glow, though not in an "evolvey" way. White spheres of light appear around it, and a white nimbus of energy surrounds Team Rocket's robot as it is lifted into the air, the claw opening and dropping Pikachu to the ground. The other twerps, Professor Elm, Professor Oak and Delia show up and we discover this is "Hidden Power", a powerful move that sends Team Rocket, you guessed it, blasting off again!
The Jumpluff are joined by some politically inoffensive Bellossom which do a sick making happy little "small world" song and dance number that is enough to send anyone Emo. Pidgey and Butterfree zoom by in massive numbers and Larvitar actually smiles, Ash adding on the saccharine sweetness of the moment by saying he has now truly "hatched". Misty pops over and Larvitar cringes away again, much to her chagrin, and the Professors suggest that it is still going to take some time for Larvitar to become accustomed to its new world.
The twerps move on to New Bark Town, where Ash goes to the Pokemon Centre and he... he.... HE REGISTERS FOR THE SILVER CONFERENCE! FINALLY! FINALLY OH GOD FINALLY HE IS REGISTERED AND READY TO GO!
Delia tells Misty and Brock to take care of Ash (though no comments are made regarding his underwear) while Professor Elm asks Ash if he could take Larvitar to the Pokemon Preserve on Mount Silver. Larvitar seems happy to be back in Ash's arms, and when it again cringes away from Misty, Brock notes that it is seemingly quite attached to Ash. Misty pouts grumpily at having her maternal qualities called into question, and then they all head off with their new Emo companion and Ash's question regarding his mother's presence left unanswered.
If you don't know the answer to that, Gentle Dodgers, you aren't deep enough in that gutter yet!
| BEST QUOTES |
|
