254: Lapras of Luxury
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My oh my, Professor Elm, you might not be Professor Oak but you do have people running errands for you, maybe one day you'll find yourself living in the....
Lapras of Luxury
The twerps eagerly agree to get distracted from their destination and head down to the Lab, where they are sped past by a young lady in a rush, which in turn gets Brock's heart racing. They follow her down to the dock where she has set up a machine and uses it, along with a Lanturn, to take readings. Brock approaches her and kicks into his desperate shtick as he once again attempts to lose his virginity, and once again fails as she shushes him, more interested in blips appearing on the radar screen of her equipment. Listening to the noises coming from the machines, Ash and Misty comment that it sounds like crying, but to us, Gentle Dodgers, it is not the tears of a child or the gleeful babble of infants. No, we recognise that noise, remember that shrill cry of pathetic warbling.... it can only be one thing.... and it is, LAPRAS!
Yes a gang of them (let's call them a school, because they're fish monsters) pops out of the water and one in particular zooms right at Ash. Why? Because oh God oh God it is... it's Ash's Lapras from the Orange Islands!
Brock is astonished, asking if this can really be the Lapras they knew on the Orange Islands?
Nice try Brock, you can't make people forget you were getting (scene missing) by Professor Ivy during that season!
The woman is astonished to hear that the Lapras are from the Orange Islands, and tells the twerps that this is of great help to her research. She introduces herself as Naomi after revealing to Ash she already knows his name, because Elm told her he would be coming. Brock makes one last desperate effort to get laid and gets dragged away by Misty (ironic, that) while Naomi explains to Ash that she is researching the Lapras' surprising ability to navigate through to locations that are best for them from such a long distance away. Radar sense alone doesn't seem to be enough to explain it, and Naomi believes that they use their voices and song to communicate amongst each other and find their way.
Either that or their shrill, annoying screams clear everything in their way.
While Naomi gives away the entire basis of her thesis to strangers, Team Rocket spy from afar and are taken with the idea of all those Lapras. Why, if they had all of those Lapras, they could run a Water Taxi Service, keep all the fares for themselves and be living in the episode title!
Naomi and the twerps return to the Lab where she shows Ash the egg that Elm wants to see. It is all green though not rotten, and Naomi says they don't know what it is or where it came from, though they suspect it was taken by poachers and lost. Since Professor Elm is apparently a member of a Preservation Council for Pokemon (one of those organisations for people who can't get a date on Friday night), she figured she could send it to him, and since he can't be arsed getting onto a blimp or taking a flight, he'll get Ash to bring it to him..
A shrill bolt of sonic interference drills through our ears as Ash's Lapras calls out to him, and he steps outside to see it moaning and squealing away like we haven't had to suffer through since the end of the Orange Islands. It seems Lapras wants to play, which apparently involves Ash running alongside the shore and making hooting noises before jumping onto its back and riding it into a tsunami on its way to kill tens of thousands of people.
They continue in this vein until late into the night, when Ash tells Lapras how proud he is of its growth, and then shows off his eight badges to the uncomprehending fish monster. Suddenly more bolts of sonic interference penetrate the brainstem, as all of the other Lapras are caught up in a net fired from a Gyarados Submarine by... well who else, Team Rocket!
"Our research warns prepare for trouble!"
"Our data's conclusive, so make it double!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of a string bikini," says Jesse, appearing in a one piece bikini and NOT a two piece string number (BOO!).
"And extend our reach a teeny-weeny!" adds James, who really shouldn't be talking about teeny weenies when swimwear is the topic of conversation!
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket surfs the wind at the speed of light!"
"So surrender now, shoot the curl or prepare to fight!" adds James, surfing a wave.
"Meowth, dat's right!"
Naomi and the twerps demand that Team Rocket let the Lapras go, but shockingly Team Rocket do not go along with that order, instead sending out Weezing to cover their escape. Ash orders a "Cold" Beam (which looks suspiciously like an Ice Beam) but it fails to stop Weezing's Smokescreen covering Team Rocket's escape, and the twerps jump into Naomi's own submarine (what an awesome job she has, she's got her own submarine!) to give chase, only to be left reeling when the Gyarados sub fires up some water rockets and blasts off into the distance.
As The Gyarados Submarine zooms along, Jesse leans back and enjoys not having to pedal (or rather, not having to listen to James and Meowth moan as THEY pedal). But then the sub begins to shake, and when they look back behind them they see the Lapras are struggling their way free of the net, biting a hole and escaping out.
Jesse demands that Meowth do something (what is never exactly clear) when they realise their problems aren't all to the back of them. Looking ahead, they see massive whirlpools circling about before them, sucking them in as well as the last two Lapras that didn't escape.
The twerps arrive and find the Lapras, but quickly realise that two are missing. There isn't much they can do considering the massive whirlpools before them, but Lapras moves ahead and along with the others begin calling out. Naomi is sure it is useless, as her radar can't pick anything up, but then the Lapras call louder and Naomi is shocked to hear a reply coming back through the water from the missing two. They follow the Lapras between the whirlpools, hopefully towards the missing Pokemon.
On a nearby beach, Team Rocket are bemoaning spending all of their money on an awesome submarine and getting stuck with a cheap net. The two Lapras that they didn't lose are moaning and whining, and Jesse gets as pissed off as anyone would at having to hear such a shitty noise coming from dumb blue fish monsters that suck. Suddenly the other Lapras emerge from the water, and Team Rocket are delighted, thinking the rest have come to find the missing two, and now they can catch them all again. But then Naomi's submarine (The Innocent Coral, which is a bizarre name!) emerges as well, and Ash jumps out to take on Team Rocket... only for Brock to leap ahead and declare he'll deal with this. He sends in Crobat, which uses Supersonic on Weezing and Arbok and sends them stumbling backwards. Meowth tries to block Naomi and Misty getting to the other Lapras, only to get Quick Attacked out of the way by Pikachu. The net is pulled off the Pokemon, which quickly move back to the others, with Ash's Lapras getting a chance to make out with another Lapras while another one watches.... or maybe waits its turn to take place.
And yes, Gentle Dodgers, one of those is Ash's Lapras' mum!
Then all of the Lapras fire up multiple Ice (Cold!) Beams and blast Weezing and Arbok. The frozen Pokemon crash into Jesse, James and Meowth, and it isn't long until they're sent blasting off.... again!
With all that done, the Lapras prepare to move on to their next location, and a new set of people to annoy with their stupid, "WAAH WAAAAH WAAHHHHH" noises. But before they do, the leader of the Lapras offers Ash's Lapras the chance to take the lead, apparently impressed with the way it handled itself earlier on in all of the confusion. Ash's Lapras moans out stupid incomprehensible nonsense and then continues on at the head of the school, while Brock tells Ash that at such a young age, it is sure to find greatness. Ash agrees, declaring that it just makes him all the more determined to become a Pokemon Master.
Or of course it could discover that at such a young age it has already achieved all that it can, and take its own life after suffering a fit of depression.
Way to go Ash.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "To denounce the evils of a string bikini"
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