249: Fangs for Nothin'!
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Fangs for Nothin'!
Old Oldie declares that Ash and Claire will have the use of three Pokemon each, with only Ash allowed to substitute out his Pokemon. Brock seems to be surprised that Ash's final battle will be his most difficult (wow, no shit) and when Misty agrees that it is going to be tough, Brock just suddenly declares that things will be fine.
Claire calls out a Kingdra and Ash must be having a good day, because he has retained the memory that Kingdra evolves from a Seadra, which is a Water Type. Therefore, Pikachu will surely have the type advantage over it.
The battle kicks off immediately, Pikachu hitting Kingdra directly with a Thunderbolt. The massive Sea-Horse/Dragon grits its teeth and squints its eyes, then throws off the attack much to the twerps¹ surprise. Kingdra fires up a blast of wind into a Twister which Pikachu quickly dodges, but Kingdra isn't done yet and actually controls the wind funnel, chasing Pikachu and hitting it. Pikachu crashes down, then jumps angrily back up blasts back with Thunder, but again nothing happens. Ash accusingly demands to know what is the deal, why aren't Pikachu's moves working.
Hax?
Claire points out the fact that Kingdra used twister, a Dragon Attack, and Brock comes to the realisation that Kingdra gained Dragon traits when it evolved. Claire explains the Water Characteristics might be a weakness against Pikachu's electric attacks, but that is more than made up for by its Dragon Characteristics. Old Oldie does try to placate the hurt though, noting that Pikachu is showing surprising resilience. Claire agrees, saying it has gained her respect, and then orders Hydro Pump to finish off. Ash counters with Thunderbolt which turns the Hydro-Pump to smoke and Claire congratulates him on a clever tactic, but Ash doesn't glory in the compliment as he worries about the fact that he doesn't seem to be having any impact on her Pokemon.
Elsewhere, Jesse lies on her back (hey hey!) moaning about the evolution of "her" cute little Dratini. Meowth pops his face into her view thinking he'll fulfil her cute Pokemon desire, but she snaps back at him and goes back to staring at nothing.
James knows how to get her out of her grump though, offering her a plate of jelly doughnuts, which gets her up on her knees and smiling (a pose wasted on James). She complains about Claire ruining her hopes and dreams and vows to make her pay and James and Meowth ask her what her plans to steal Dragonair are.
"Dratinis rule and Dragonairs are for fools!" snaps Jesse angrily; James and Meowth pratfalling before Meowth starts yelling at her for being so detached from reality. His tail slaps at the doughnuts as from behind a bush, a vaguely Wobbuffet-like Pokemon pokes out for a peek. As Jesse yells at James and Meowth that she wanted a Dratini to keep her warm on cold Winters night (oh my), Wobbuffet looks down and realises that all of the doughnuts are suddenly gone, and looks about in confusion as James shows Jesse and Meowth a picture of the Dragon Fang. He tells Jesse and Meowth it is worth a lot and certainly worth stealing, and Jesse agrees this would be a rewarding way of teaching Claire a lesson. She grabs for a doughnut only to find they're all gone, and demands to know who took them.
"Not me!" gasps James, "That jelly goes right to my thighs!"
"And I'm on a low carb diet!" gasps Meowth.
"Wynaut!" yells not-Wobbuffet, causing Team Rocket to cast accusing glares at Wobbuffet. It insists it is innocent but they ignore it, roaring at for being greedy as it sweat drops in horror.
Back at the battle, Ash tries a different tack and has Pikachu use physical attacks on Kingdra, which also fail to do nothing. Misty and Brock suggest he try a different tactic with a different Pokemon, since he IS allowed to substitute Pokemon. Nothing else is working, so Ash figures why not and calls out Noctowl, maybe hoping that where his fat yellow rat failed, his drug dealing shiny Noctowl will work.
Meanwhile Team Rocket have sneak their way into the Gym grounds and notice a padlocked shed, and Meowth pops a claw to get them in.
At the battle, Noctowl dodges Kingdra¹s Hydro Pumps and uses Confusion to lift the surprised Dragon-Type into the air and send it flying towards a wall. Kingdra fights back though by using Hydro Pump to propel itself away from the wall and land safely, so Noctowl tries to freeze it in place using hypnosis. Kingdra uses Agility to dart from place to place and since Noctowl can't make eye contact, it can't hypnotise it.
Inside the now unlocked shed, Team Rocket sees the box containing the Dragon Fang and prepares to grab it, thinking it is almost too easy. James yells at them to stop and pops on a pair of sunglasses that reveal a SHITLOAD of lasers surrounding the box. Jesse and Meowth moan that they're so close but so far, until James brings out Handy Andy!
But no, it's not a shirtless blonde with loose morals, but a hand on a box that extends out under James' control, sliding around the lasers as Jesse eagerly shouts directions... until Meowth points out that she can't actually see the lasers. As James reaches the box moaning for Andy to be steady (Oh James), Jesse asks what he and Andy will do if the box turns out to be empty? James says they'll probably both break down and cry and so Jesse suggests he open it up first to make sure before dragging it back.
Back at the battle, Kingdra knocks Noctowl down with a Hydro Pump. Brock gasps that he never thought the battle would be THIS hard while Claire notes that once a Pokemon gains Dragon characteristics, it gains all sorts of strengths you'd never expect. She almost condescendingly notes to Ash that he must have known this would be a tough battle, and then tells Kingdra to finish Noctowl off with Hydro Pump, and Ash gasps out for the still prone Noctowl to try to get out of the way.
Handy Andy opens the box and reveals the Dragon Fang, and Team Rocket gasp in delight, their dreams are about to come true and Claire's nightmare is about to begin! Wobbuffet chooses this moment to attempt to make up for its perceived scoffing of 11 doughnuts earlier by leaping on top of Jesse, James and Meowth, sending them crashing over and setting off the alarm.
Inside the Gym, they all hear the alarm and Old Oldie gasps that it must be the Dragon Fang. Forgetting the match for the moment (dammit, Gentle Dodgers, we were so close!) they rush outside just in time to see Team Rocket running off with the Fang. They stop to mock the twerps, saying they've already got what they wanted so they won't be bothering them, and then leap into a motorboat by the dock and head off, Jesse laughing that if Claire hadn't made HER Dratini evolve, none of this would have happened. They zoom off and Claire calls out Dragonair, then her and Old Oldie get on and chase after the twerps. Ash calls out Totodile; Misty calls out Starmie and Politoed and then tells Brock to get on Starmie. He grunts a reluctant okay, then he and Ash jump into the water and are carried after Team Rocket by Totodile and Starmie, Brock moaning that this is a new experience. Misty snaps at Politoed to follow as it sits clapping happily on the dock.
Jesse looks back and sees Dragonair following with the twerps somehow keeping up too, and turns back to James to snap at him to hurry it up "Gramps". He complains they're already going at maximum speed, and she yells at him to get out and push then. Meowth spots a cave that looks like a Dragon's Mouth and they zoom in, much to Claire and Old Oldie's shock. They follow them in, Claire saying that there is a mess of tunnels inside and IF they make their way through them, they'll arrive in the Dragon Holy Land where she and Lance once trained long ago.
Yeah sure, we're sure the two of you all alone in there spent all your time "training" your brains out.
Ash asks what she means by "if", and Old Oldie ignores the question to say they can't let Team Rocket defile the Holy Land, becoming more and more fired up until he cracks a stupid joke and roars with senile laughter again. Dragonair lights up the bead on its neck and they see a fork ahead, Claire saying they can find the way they went by following the flow of the water.
Meanwhile James is laughing that they've lost the twerps and they can easily sell the Dragon Fang to a kooky collector. They just need to find the kookiest and James will handle ALL negotiations. Jesse surprisingly doesn't question this, saying she doesn't care as long as they get top dollar. They notice the water is starting to move faster and then they go over a small waterfall, their motorboat shattering on a rock and spilling them down another steeper waterfall and into the light.
Inside a crater presumably inside a mountain we see a small forest, streams and a ton of Pokemon happily cavorting about, though none of them appear to be dragons, but rather lame Pokemon like Bellossom and Ratatta. A Dragonite lies sleeping as Butterfree flies over it, and then it wakes to see Team Rocket fly over the water fall and cry out that they're..... caught in its arms!
Looking about after they land Team Rocket find the holy land soothing and nice and the massive Dragonite (about 12 feet tall) sniffs at the Dragon Fang box with interest. Realising that if it finds out they stole it it'll kick their asses, Meowth pretends that they are protecting it from would be thieves. Jesse and James follow suit, all of them hamming it up with a sad story about an evil laughing Claire kicking over flowers and a snide, laughing Ash lunging at unprotected Pokemon if either should happen to find the Holy Land. Dragonite roars out an AROOOOO (not exactly the most scary of noises) as it agrees to help them protect the Dragon Fang and Dragon Holy Land from Claire and the twerps.
Speaking of whom, Claire, Old Oldie and the twerps have arrived in the Holy Land and think it looks lovely, but they have other tasks at hand as they set off to find Team Rocket. They're spotted first though and are pointed out to Dragonite who sees them, roars and blasts Hyperbeam at them. Claire and Old Oldie hear it and rush to see Team Rocket dancing with delight next to Dragonite as the twerps crawl from the wreckage of the Hyperbeam. Team Rocket ask for another but instead are scooped up by Dragonite and flown away. Old Oldie and Claire arrive and Old Oldie tells them the Dragonite is actually the original Blackthorn Gym Leader's, and that it never got over it's trainer "leaving" it.
HE DIED! HE DIED! SAY IT! ADMIT IT! HE DIED!
They agree they have to find it and convince it not to work with Team Rocket, but how can they even get close to it? The answer comes, surprisingly, from the skies. They look up as they hear a familiar cry, and see the silhouette of a winged Pokemon approaching.
In a darkened room full of a shadowy cartel only just recovering from their dropped cigarettes, fallen person stocks and wives cuckolding them.... chests are clutched and monocles pop. It couldn't be... could it?
Oh but it is, Gentle Dodgers, it is. It's....
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