248: Beauty is Only Skin Deep
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Dammit, we were so close, but Ash pulls up short as Pikachu spots a tiny Dratini sleeping beside the river. As Ash checks it out with Dexter, Misty notes that it is weird to see as rear a Pokemon as a Dratini just sitting out on a riverbank sleeping. They all approach the sleeping Pokemon, only for a Gyrados to burst THE FUCK OUT OF NOWHERE from the river and blast them with water. Ash is at first astonished, then furious at this unprovoked attack, and calls for Pikachu to stick up for him by using Thunderbolt. But then a female voice calls out for them to stop, and the twerps turn to see a woman with bizarre blue hair in tight pants and a chest-hugging shirt approach demanding to know what they are doing with that Dratini. She has the half-lidded eyes of that well known souse Professor Ivy, but despite Brock's bad memories of that lady, he would certainly call this one a beauty. But then of course, for Brock....
Beauty is Skin Deep.
The woman lowers the little Dratini into the water, explaining to the twerps that the Gyrados was protecting it. She introduces herself as Claire and Ash and Misty introduce themselves, before Brock tells her he is Brock but she can call him Brock.... and since everyone else does too she can call him her boyfriend! He lunges for her and she darts aside, forgetting all about him as she sees the Dratini swim upstream. As she heads off, apparently having all ready forgotten the twerps, a little old man rushes up past the twerps crying out to her to come back, this is an important day dammit! He trips and falls and the twerps rush to his side, asking if he is okay. He laughs that he is still in one piece as he flashes them a peace sign, then roars with laughter as the twerps stare at him aghast, terrified by his horrible joke. The old man gasps that he might have lost the "treasure" and unbundles a small box, opening it to show them what he calls a Dragon Fang, saying it is a family treasure that he cares for at Clairešs Blackthorn City Gym.
Yes Gentle Dodgers, that means Claire is the 8th Gym Leader!
A short time later they follow in Claire's path as she and Gyrados follows Dratini, the old man telling them the legend of the dragon who once terrorized the area before the first Gym Leader defeated it and kept one of its fangs as an heirloom. He explains that today is the day that the have to use it to perform a ritual, and itšs one of the biggest jobs that a Gym Leader can have.
While this is going on, Team Rocket are taking some time out, relaxing a little further up the riverbank. James slaps on a pair of sunglasses and says he looks cool, and Jesse and Meowth freeze over with ice as they stare in horror at the nasty, tacky glasses. At that moment the Dratini swims by and they stare after it in shock, did they really just see that? Jesse has a cuteplosion, crying out that it has long been a dream of hers to catch a Dratini.... James, catch it for me before my bubble bursts!
James gapes in surprise, then calls out Weezing to do as he is told. Before it can do anything though, Gyrados attacks it before Claire rushes up and warns them to keep away from Dratini. They demand to know who she is, furious at her interruption, and when she explains she is the Gym Leader, Jesse snaps that she could give two shits, she wants that Dratini! She then makes a horrendous mistake by sending in Arbok, and Gyrados blasts them off with Hydro Pump. Claire checks on Dratini as the old man and twerps finally catch up to her, and the little old man (Let's call him Old Oldie) insists that she MUST complete the ritual today!
Claire retorts that she knows what her duties are, but the Dratini is vulnerable right now as it is close to shedding its skin and can't be left alone. Just then the little Pokemon wakes up and heads on up the river again with Claire and her Gyrados in tow and Old Oldie chasing her spluttering indignantly while the twerps decide to follow.
They come to a narrow, rocky part of the river and Gyrados can go no further, so Claire calls it back into its Pokeball while Old Oldie begs Claire to come back and finish the ritual. She continues on and he almost tumbles back, caught at the last second by the twerps before he falls forward onto the rock and breaking into senile laughter. He finally figures out that they have no choice but to wait for Dratini to finish shedding its skin and Ash sighs that he guesses now is a bad time to ask for a Gym Battle.
No Ash! Ask! DEMAND! USE A GUN!
Team Rocket spy on them from far away having learned their lesson about confronting Claire head on. Jesse is still determined to catch the Dratini, but James points out that it looks like the twerps are trying to catch it as well. Jesse snaps that she doesn't care while Meowth points out that the twerps always screw up their plans but if they can catch it, the Boss might be so happy that he forgives their debts. Jesse could give a crap though, she wants that Dratini for herself, something that Wobbuffet happily agrees with.... or does it? Meowth listens to it and agrees that it has a point.
"Meowth, please translate Wobbuffet's wobblings," moans James.
Meowth explains that if the Dratini belongs to the Blackthorn City Gym Leader, and she's obviously talented, and she has already kicked their ass in less than 10 seconds, then surely.... well, they should actually have some kind of plan!
The twerps, Claire, and Old Oldie have stopped for lunch and are eating some nice, fluffy white round things that belong to Claire. Brock in particular loves them and can't get enough of them into his mouth, ooooh yeah, those riceballs are good!
Ash asks Claire if they can have a Gym Battle once Dratini has shed its skin and she happily agrees after he shows off his seven badges. Old Oldie notices that Ash has a badge from Mahogany Town and asks if he knows anything about rumours regarding a red Gyrados terrorising the town. The twerps explain that there WAS one terrorising the city, but thanks to Lance of the Elite Four everything is okay now. Claire and Old Oldie are surprised to hear they met Lance, and we get a flashback of the defeat and capture of the Red Gyrados. Claire explains that some time ago Lance trained with Claire at the Gym - though she says that it was more like he trained her - and she says she is looking forward to battling with an acquaintance of Lance's.
Suddenly an elderly couple comes by and spot the Dratini sleeping, and the old woman asks "Pa" to take her picture next to Dratini. He tries his best but "Ma" keeps complaining that she is blinking or a wrinkle is showing and as they bicker, Claire warns them that they're disturbing Dratini's rest. They apologise profusely and ask if they can take a closer look if "they're quite as Church Mice?"
Claire agrees and they kneel down to look, commenting that it looks cute enough to just reach out and grab.... and then "Ma" fires a net from the end of her walking stick and captures the Dratini! Claire is horrified, and demands to know what is going on.
"Prepare for trouble, wešre not crotchety and old!"
"And make it double because wešre youthful and bold!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Voila, Jesse."
"Ooooh, James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the stunning speed of light,"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Meowth! IN Flight!!" cries Meowth, floating in on the balloon.
"WOBBUGGET!"
"TEAM ROCKET!"
Meowth throws a smoke bomb at the twerps and Claire, and when the smoke clears Team Rocket have disappeared. The old man asks what they can do now and Claire says she will not let Dratini down. They rush through the forest in the direction Brock thought he saw them go, and Claire climbs up a tree to get a better look as Brock moans she is beautiful AND well coordinated. Claire spots the balloon and begins leaping from branch to branch as the twerps and the old man chase after.
Meanwhile Team Rocket is floating happily along, James and Jesse cheering themselves for their excellent artistic performances. Dratini starts to struggle really hard and causes the balloon to crash as Claire watches, calling out to Dratini that she is coming.
At the crash site, the balloon is draped over the basket, and apparently some fun and frolics is going on underneath the deflated balloon.
"Get your fur out of my face, Meowth!" demands James, as Dratini crawls towards the river still wrapped up in a net. Jesse demands it comes back, grabbing at the net and hauling it back as Claire arrives and snaps that Dratini isn't hers. James calls out Weezing while Claire calls on Gyrados, and the result goes much as might be expected. Weezing uses Sludge which is blown away by Hydro Pump before being slapped into James while Wobbuffet happily salutes. Pikachu uses Thunderbolt but Wobbuffet counters, zapping Ash and Pikachu.... but also Team Rocket and their Pokemon! A random bolt of electricity heads towards Dratini but Claire can apparently run faster than electricity and she jumps in front of it, taking the shot as Dratini stares up at her with wonder..... and then evolves into a Dragonair!
Ash checks it out with Dexter as it lifts and hovers in the air, the bead under its neck glowing blue as it calls down blue lightning and smashes Team Rocket. Jesse is furious, she wanted a cute Dratini not a sinewy Dragonair, but James and Meowth point out it is worth more now. Weezing tries another Sludge Attack and again takes a beating for its efforts, Gyrados using Hyperbeam to blast Weezing back before Dragonair uses Twister and sends Team Rocket blasting off again.
Old Oldie cracks another horrific joke as Dragonair continues on up the river, Claire and the others following. As night comes, they are led to Riverhead Falls, a place that Claire has never been before and even Old Oldie has only heard of. Claire thinks they were brought here deliberately as it is the perfect place for the ritual she has been putting off. So ritualise she does, though much to Brock's dismay this turns out not to involve dancing naked in the moonlight, though she does put on a revealing leotard with cuts around the shoulders and no pants. She places the Dragon Fang down and says a prayer for peace in the universe, then lowers water onto the fang, causing a blast of energy in the form of a dragon to fly up into the moon, much to the twerps wonder and delight.
Brock thinks it looks like the light turned into a star and the old man says that legend says that a Dragon turns into a star and looks over us all. But that isn't the important thing, the important thing is that Claire looks at Ash and tells him that now the ritual is done with. They can return to the Gym and then finally, finally, finally, Ash can battle for his eighth Gym Badge.
FINALLY!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Meowth, please translate Wobbuffet's wobblings"
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