241: Enlighten Up!
|
|
Geez guys, it's a Pokemon....
Enlighten Up!
They watch as the flag carrying Slowpoke moves between them, hops up onto a rock, turns around and with a gaping, vacant grin sticks its tail in the water. Ash checks out Slowpoke on Dexter despite having encountered literally couples of the Pokemon, while Team Rocket snap at it angrily to get lost.
A Nun shows up (okay!) and retorts that actually, they and the twerps are both in Slowpoke's way. When the twerps whine with confusion (they're not used to be lumped in with Team Rocket as being in the wrong) that Slowpoke could go anywhere else, she explains that Slowpoke has been coming to this particular spot for years, and it lives nearby with her and others at the Slowpoke Temple, where she and others contemplate the nature of the Universe.
Pretty deep stuff for a sexy chick in a habit, who introduces herself as Madeleine (she must be the smallest of all) and explains to Team Rocket and the twerps that Slowpoke is trying to find out who it really is. When they reply, confused, that it's a Slowpoke, she explains that it is searching for a deeper answer than that, that it is looking deep into its essence.
That stuff will stain the sheets.
She asks the twerps and Team Rocket what their essence is, and after some initial confusion Ash says that he is Ash from Pallet Town, and Misty says she is Misty the Water Trainer, and Brock.... well Brock declares himself to be young, handsome and from Flint City.
1 out of 3 ain't bad, since Brock is young. He comes from PEWTER CITY though, and as for whether he is handsome.... well the girls ain't exactly beating a path to his door.
Madeleine suggests that they come up to her temple to find out more (and maybe take a personality test and make a donation?); they can even have lunch with her! As soon as Team Rocket hear about lunch, they're more than eager to agree, and their acceptance proves to be a good choice, as they're taken to a large temple where they discover a giant statue of a Slowpoke..... made out of GOLD!
Madeleine explains that a long time ago, a priest stopped near this location to meditate, and he was joined by a number of Slowpokes. While there, he attained Enlightenment, and the temple was built to commemorate this as well as honour the Slowpokes he meditated with.
They settle down for lunch, where Madeleine lets slip that another trainer from Pallet Town has recently meditated with them, a trainer who took part in the most intense type of meditation and impressed them all as a future elite trainer. His name.... was Gary.
Well that is all Ash needed to hear (as Madeline probably suspected) and he declares he wants to stay and undergo the most intense meditation as well. Brock and Misty agree to stay and meditate as well; after all there isn't a QUICKLY IMPENDING GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING JOHTO LEAGUE or anything coming up. Team Rocket are asked if they also want to take part, and thinking of the golden statue, they eagerly agree. The twerps aren't too sure if Team Rocket can be trusted, and when they insist they can be, Wobbuffet pops out to cross its arms and patiently shake its head no. Jesse calls it back angrily, while Madeline welcomes them to stay.
Their first meditation training involves a room filled with people, all in a meditation position. One man scratches irritably, and a wooden board is smashed down across his shoulder, causing him to shift back into position. Madeline explains that like the Slowpoke, the people meditating must empty their minds of all thought, and the best way to do that is not to move and thus, not think.
They all settle down to try it, and Ash attempts to clear his mind of everything. Normally this wouldn't be a problem for Ash, but this time he is TRYING not to think, and thus finds himself imagining a stadium, and a voice crying out that he is the Johto League Champion! As he gasps in joy, he is smacked hard with a piece of wood. Misty finds herself standing on the shore, crying out as a massive legendary Water Pokemon leaps into the ocean, leaving her behind before she, too, is smacked. Brock is imagining..... well he probably deserves the smack he gets!
As for Jesse, James and Meowth.... well they are up and roaring angrily at the man with the stick to stop hitting them! James complains that his head is always full of idle thoughts while Jesse complains that her legs are numb, and Meowth whines that his legs hurt and his mind is numb.
The next phase of their training, explains Madeline, is to scrub the walkways of the temple (oh you crafty bitch). Misty and Brock are understandably a little taken aback by this, but Ash is right into it, his only thought on surpassing Gary. As he grabs a mop and zooms down the walkway, he finds himself quickly passed by Jesse and James who laugh that they've HAD part-time jobs, they actually know how to earn their way rather than freeloading!
Ash roars and chases after them, the three of them swapping the lead as they race barefoot down the walkways, Brock and Misty struggling to keep up. Jesse and James turn the final corner first, but Ash runs along the wall beside them, gets ahead and zooms past Pikachu and Togepi who mark the "finish line". As he celebrates his victory and Jesse and James grit their teeth over their failure, Madeline approaches with a smile and says she enjoyed the race..... but then points out the skewed trail of their mop lines and notes that this wasn't so much cleaning up as rushing ahead, and they'll have to go back and finish the job.
That crafty bitch.
A short time later (or maybe a long time?), Team Rocket mutter grumpily about all the hard work they're doing as they kneel shoeless on the walkway scrubbing it (Jesse actually looks naked without her boots on). The twerps are carrying fishing rods and Madeline explains the next part of their training is less labour intensive, they'll just be fishing. Jesse and James beg off, whispering to Meowth to cover for them while they steal the statue. Misty laughs that they're all feeling fine, and suggests that maybe it is because they still have their youth, and Jesse grits her teeth as she bites back a bitter reply.
The twerps, Madeline and Meowth head down to the lake, discovering to their surprise that Slowpoke is STILL in the same position. A giant Goldeen grabs it by the tail and Slowpoke hauls it up, then grins vacantly and lets it go, much to the twerpsą surprise. Madeline explains that this isn't about catching; it is about fishing, but agrees happily when the twerps ask if they can at least TRY to catch a fish.
Misty settles down and throws in a rod (not using her Mighty Misty Lure), ready to show everyone what a great water trainer can do..... and two Butterfree fly by to signify the passage of time as Misty moans that she hasn't gotten a bite.
Meanwhile Jesse and James stare at the giant golden Slowpoke Statue and come to a realisation.... it is probably going to be REALLY heavy. But Jesse is sure that it is probably hollow, and she has an idea....
As the twerps and Meowth continue to fail at capturing anything, Slowpoke throws back Pokemon after Pokemon, until even a Gyrados tears out of the water with a roar before thrashing back in, and Misty has had enough. She leaps up with a roar and grabs Meowth, shouting at him that he speaks Pokemon; he can get in there and find out why the hell no one is nibbling at her line!
Meowth is hauled into the water, splashing in with a squawk as he gasps that Misty is just as nutty as Jesse. He sinks into the water and looks about at the teeming numbers of Water Pokemon, and then swims over to ask them. Emerging from the water, he explains that the Pokemon in the lake can tell when someone WANTS to catch them, so they avoid their lines. When the twerps ask how Slowpoke is capturing so many, Meowth explains that the Pokemon know that Slowpoke doesn't want to catch them, it isn't even THINKING about anything, so it is safe for them to grab its tail.
The twerps consider this as a Shellder grabs Slowpoke by the tail, and Madeline explains everything about what the Shellder represents and how the Slowpoke's embracing of nothing has...... and then a giant gold Slowpoke statue comes rolling down the hill towards them.
Thank Christ for that, we didn't need any more pseudo-para-religious psychology bullshit shoved down our throats!
Inside, Jesse and James are cycling on a bike they have set up inside the statue, and Meowth takes that as his cue to join them. The twerps try to get clear of the rushing statue, but Madeline stands her ground as Slowpoke waddles up to her side and then..... evolves into Slowbro!
Standing up on its hindlegs, it uses Confusion to freeze the statue in place, then lift it up and shake it about, sending Jesse and James falling out with Meowth. Using Confusion, Slowbro flings the statue back to its place in the temple as the twerps rush up to cry out in amazement at the cool that Madeline displayed facing down that oncoming statue. Brock points out that if Slowpoke had evolved just a second later it would have been too late, but Madeline explains that after years of watching Slowpoke, then seeing the Shellder grab its tail, she knew that it knew the time was right.
Yeah, that's nice, but what Brock says still stands. If it had been one second later.... blam, Nun-Jelly!
They stare down at Team Rocket, Jesse on her hands and knees with her bum in the air. But this isn't one of THOSE religions, and she won't be getting out of punishment so easily, Madeline promising to take them back to the temple to learn their lessons.
The twerps say goodbye to Madeline, Slowbro and their quasi-Buddhist beliefs built around the mistaken impression that Slowpoke's vacancy was a sign of enlightenment as opposed to stupidity.... kind of like the people who think Ash is a master strategist!
And what of Team Rocket's punishment? Well it seems to involve them being forced to meditate on their crimes.... which they can't do, because directly outside is Delibird, hanging around waiting for the latest bill to be paid. And because they're concentrating on Delibird, they fail to sit still for meditation, and the man with the wooden board moves in to give them a spanking.
Would you do any different, Gentle Dodgers?
| BEST QUOTES |
 "We've tried that whole dig a hole and wait trick a hundred times and it's worked about fine."
 "My name's Ash. I don't know about my essence."
 "I wanna help clean too."
"In a moment it'll be a slow pancake."
 "We've had part time jobs.""No way you can beat us in manual labour."
|
|
