238: Hocus Pokémon
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Well, what can you say but....
Hocus Pokemon
While Pikachu plays with Murkrow and Togepi, Lily eagerly goes on about how long she has been trying to get her hands on a Pikachu while the twerps stare at her, aghast. Whether it is because she is a "Magician", or her exuberant personality, or that atrocious British accent is unclear, but finally Ash gets her to shut up long enough to introduce himself to her. He starts telling her about himself and then Brock butts in, telling her that her spell went astray and brought him to her. But before he can embarrass himself further, Misty pushes up beside him and shoves a hand against his face, shoving hard and sending him tumbling off screen with a grunt of surprise.
She asks Lily if she could see a magic spell, telling Lily with wide eyes and a youthful face that ever since she was a little girl she has wanted to be a Pokemon magician. Lily is more than happy to show off her magic, and begins going through her ingredients bag, pulling out bottles as she tells the twerps that magic is as much science as it is the supernatural. She pulls out a book and begins looking through it, the twerps unable to read it due to being written in a different language an unfathomable length of time ago and passed down through her family for generations. She finds the spell she is looking for and asks Misty if she would like to have softer and smoother skin?
Well it is a well known fact that once you hit 11 the quality of your skin starts going downhill, so Misty eagerly agrees. Going through her ingredients, Lily combines some earth dug up by a Dugtrio, hair from a Flaffyıs neck and finally dried scales from a Magikarp. She swirls them about in a flask and white smoke begins to pour out while Lily cries out a rhyme that may or may not be only for entertainment purposes. She throws a final ingredient into the concoction and the smoke turns black, spreading around Misty. Suddenly, some Spinarak drop down out of the trees, attracted by the smoke, and blast sticky lines of fluid into Misty's face (oh, so it's THAT kind of magic), covering her in webs and causing her to fall to the ground as the smoke clears. Lily explains that Spinarak web is actually very good for the skin, while Misty moans in her cocoon and lies helpless on the floor.
A little while later, after Misty has gotten out of the horrible living prison, Lily tells the twerps about the ultimate spell, one that will allow people to read a Pokemon's mind. Unfortunately no one has ever been able to pull it off (then how do they know what it will do?) because no one has been able to get all the fresh ingredients together AND get access to a Pikachu's Thunderbolt, which is needed to finish the spell off.
Well that just seems a little..... unlikely, really.
Brock notes that a spell that could enable communication between Pokemon and humans could really improve human/Pokemon relations (unless it turns out that Pokemon think humans smell bad), and Ash eagerly offers to help her to finally cast the spell. Lily is pleased to hear this, checking her ingredients and saying that she has Secret Cure from a Shuckle (that must have been an adventure), the powdered horn of a Stantler (MURDERER!), yogurt made from a Miltankıs milk and a flower thatıs been kissed by a Jinx. But she still needs more ingredients, first of all a Parasectıs Stun Spore. Murkrow calls out, having spotted a passing Parasect and Misty wonders how theyıre going to get Stun Spore from it. Ash suggests battling it (of course) and leaps out into its path with Pikachu, apologising but saying they need its Stun Spore. He tells Pikachu to use Thunderbolt, then changes his mind and tells it to be a little gentler, maybe use a Thunderspark. A tiny stream of electricity trickles from Pikachu and taps into Parasect's side, and the startled Pokemon lets loose with a spray of chemicals.... which Murkrow flaps away with its wings!
Ash demands to know why, and Misty and Brock point out that it was actually Sleep Power, not Stun Spore. So Ash tries again, with another Thunderspark that leads to a burst of Stun Spore from Parasect, which Lily sucks up with a vacuum cleaner she keeps in her bag.
She and Brock must have brought their bags from the same place, "Bottomless Bags-R-Us."
But as they celebrate, a giant hand reaches down and grabs Pikachu, hauling it up into the air.
"Prepare for trouble, just because!" cries Jesse.
"Meowthıs got Pikachu by the paws!" adds James..... and then Lily interrupts them with a cry of glee, shouting that Meowth is sooooo cute and she just needs a little bit of dirt from under one of Meowthıs claws. She orders Murkrow to go get some, and the bird flies up and begins flapping around James and Jesse's faces, Jesse snapping that she might be catty but she's know Meowth! Lily cries out in excitement through all this, the twerps staring at her with horror while the apparently blind Murkrow flaps about and suddenly finds its beak buried into the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon!
The balloon pops, Pikachu falling down to Ash as Team Rocket are sent blasting off again, but while Ash is pleased as punch, Lily is miserable, she's been after a Meowth for quite some time now. She and Murkrow rush off after it and the twerps really have no choice but to follow her.
After all, the alternative would be going to Blackthorn City and getting that goddamn eighth badge!
Team Rocket meanwhile have found themselves precariously perched on the thin end of a cliff, and are very carefully, very quietly trying to inch their way back to slightly more stable ground. As James roars for them to be quiet and Jesse harshly whispers back at him thanks for screaming out that warning, Wobbuffet pops out of its Pokeball and eagerly proclaims its own name. Jesse snaps angrily at it and then cliff begins to crack, causing all of them to hug together in horror.
³If I never see you guys again, just know that I love you!² moans James.
"Wow, talk about losing your cool," notes Meowth, mocking James for daring to show emotion.
The twerps arrive at the edge of the cliff and see Team Rocket's predicament, but Lily seems oblivious to everything but Meowth. She charges up to them, eagerly greeting Meowth and grabbing the astonishing Scratch-Cat's paws, cleaning the dirt out from under them into a little sample cup. She turns and rushes back with thanks, and the horrified Team Rocket watch her go as the cliff cracks open and plunges into the abyss.
"Team Rocket's falling down again!"
The twerps seem completely unconcerned at Team Rocket's apparent deaths, and check with Lily to see what her next ingredient is. She tells them they need the tears from an Aipom, and Ash turns around and begins yelling for an Aipom, as if he expects one to just show up and....
An Aipom shows up.
Lily's eyes fill with stars and she cries out in delight at the sight of the Aipom, freaking the horrified monkey out and making it turn tail and run, that freaky hand coming out of its ass trailing behind it.
The twerps chase off after it, watched by a surviving Team Rocket who were interested to hear that Lily has a spell that can enable humans to read Pokemon's minds, and something like that could earn them a lot of money!
A shame that Meowth can't, you know, talk both human and Pokemon, eh?
Meanwhile the twerps have decided to split up so that they can surround the Aipom and grab it. Ash and Misty pair off (calm down, militant shippers, it just means they're looking for a monkey with a hand coming out of its ass together). Brock and Lily also pair up, though not in the way Brock hoped, and all four soon find themselves surrounding Aipom. But the monkey is hauled up into the air as they leap at it, and they look up to see Team Rocket and their already repaired balloon above them. As they look up, Jesse laughs and grabs Lily's book, bag, and ingredients from her.
"Poor little witch," laughs Jesse, hugging herself and mock shivering,"Prepare for trouble!"
"And now make it double!"
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all people within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket magically blasts off at the speed of light!"
"The crystal ball says surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"Datıs right!"
"Wobbuffet!"
Jesse is wearing a weird little space-girl outfit while riding a broom and James is dressed as a King.... what the hell?
Lily tells Murkrow to go and get her stuff back, but Meowth hits a button and sends a mechanical fist flying down and punches Murkrow, sending it flapping back. They fly away and Lily breaks down into tears, the twerps promising her they'll get her stuff back.
Team Rocket have landed (instead of just flying on and on and on until they're like 100 miles away from the twerps) and are looking through the stash, and all in all it is rather disappointing. The bag is full of little gathered ingredients like dirt, hair and liquids (don't ask) and the book is written in a foreign language they can't read.... or can they?
To Jesse's surprise, James recognises the language as the ancient language of Pokemonia from roughly the Age of the Third King. He explains that as a lad he spent hours and hours at the local library (NEEEEERD) poring over those books..... he didn't understand a word they said, but the pictures were really pretty!
Well, that doesn't help them much, but what does is Jesse's memory, as she recalls that the final ingredient needed was a tear from an Aipom. She picks the pink monkey up, makes a fist and draws back, ready to punch it right in the face!
James stops her before she can brutally beat the small monkey into submission though, having understood enough of the book to know that the tears can NOT come from violence. That leaves the question though, how to get it to cry?
James has the first go, getting up before the captive Aipom and telling it jokes in an attempt to make it cry tears of laughter. all he succeeds in doing though is confusing the hell out of the poor little Aipom with a joke about Wartortle's iron-rich diet, then asks when is Mr Mime not a Pokemon, when it's a pool shark! He holds up a picture of Mr Mime playing pool, then cracks a "joke" about a Tangela.
Aipom just stares.
James can't figure it out, why won't it laugh? Meowth snaps that it is because he is about as funny as a squirtless Squirtle, then tries to get Aipom to cry by putting on a touching puppet show about Momma and her Sonny Boy, which only serves to make Aipom yawn. Jesse snaps that they're never going to get a reaction with a tired old cliche-ridden puppet show and puts herself on the stage, dressed as a Princess and ready to put on a display of experimental theatre!
She tells the story through onstage narration of a Princess who fell in love with a Prince, but cannot marry him. She loses the will to live and freezes to death in the winterıs snow (confetti dropped by Wobbuffet holding a basket and wearing black clothing to hide itself, an effect ruined by it happily shouting out its own name. Jesse lies still on the stage, very impressed with herself, but Aipom is.... asleep!
Furious, Jesse hauls it up and prepares to just punch its lights out regardless, only for the twerps to show up after Murkrow spotted them earlier. They demand Team Rocket hand over Aipom and Lily's bag, and Jesse replies by calling out Arbok which uses Poison Sting. Murkrow flaps its wings and kicks up an Icy Wind, blowing the Poison Sting away and taking out Arbok with it. Weezing uses Sludge and Pikachu responds with Thunderbolt, the two attacks smacking into each other and struggling for dominance while Misty and Brock free Aipom which leaps away and climbs up a nearby cliff. Finally Weezing runs out of Sludge (and loses about twenty pounds) and leaves itself open for a Swift Attack from Murkrow which knocks it out, and Team Rocket are left defenceless as Pikachu lets rip with a Thunderbolt and sends them blasting off again. Aipom watches this with wonder, then bursts into laughter and rocks back and forth, a single tear falling from its eye. Ash grabs a sample jar and rushes forward to save the tear, then promptly trip over his own stupidity and sends the jar flying. Pikachu leaps up and catches it and the tear, though, once again saving Ash from his own crapness.
Soon Lily has added all of the ingredients together, and they're soon bubbling away and causing white smoke to rise up. Ash is eager for the spell to be cast on him, and Pikachu lets rip with a Thunderbolt that turns the smoke yellow, surrounding Ash who starts to look pretty damn stoned. He grins crookedly and mutters that he's starting to feel a little bit like he is getting inside of Pikachu's mind, and then he is enveloped entirely in the smoke.
It clears, and Lily, Brock and Misty stare at him in shock as Ash tries to figure out how they got so tall? They stare back at him and he asks why they're looking at him like he has two heads. Misty kneels down and takes out a mirror, showing him why, and around the internet goddamn furries everywhere go wild.
Ash has been turned into a Pikachu! Lily looks in horror at her book, noticing for the first time that the spell continues OVER THE PAGE! It is too smudged to read though, and the question is, is he trapped as a Pikachu forever? Lily laughs, saying that the spell is only temporarily and should wear off..... at some point.
That's all that Ash needs to hear, he calls out to Pikachu, Togepi and Murkrow to come play with him, and begins rolling around in the dirt laughing, just another Pikachu with a red cap on his head.
We're guessing he won't be getting to Blackthorn City next episode, Gentle Dodgers.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Ash! Now really!"
 "I never understand too much, but I liked all the pretty pictures."
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