228: Dues and Don'ts!
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The twerps are confused and ask who are they? A football team?
No, it's no football team, it is the beginning of the episode and yet we already have... TEAM ROCKET!
"Prepare for trouble, don't drop the ball!"
"And make it double, with an offside call!"
"To protect our team we won't call it quits!"
"We'll unite our winners with a fourth round blitz!"
"To denounce the evils of an eighth round pick"
"To extend our reach with a three point kick"
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket does one for the gipper at the speed of light!"
"No time outs, the clock's running, so prepare to fight!"
"Touchdown! Meowth's Dat Right!"
Ash demands to know what they want while Brock happily points out they have enough numbers for a scrimmage (oh poor virgin Brock) and then Team Rocket strike. Meowth passes a timed-bomb football to Jesse who holds it in place for James, who boots it over the goal towards Ash who.... kicks it back!
Yes, Team Rocket didn't actually take the kickability of the ball into account and in horror James boots it back towards Brock who... kicks it back!
Jesse and Meowth are furious but James hauls back in preparation for a monster kick that will send the ball (which will explode soon) back to the twerps. Unfortunately for him, Team Rocket's plan was kind of contingent on the twerps just standing around and doing nothing, and a quick Thunderbolt from Pikachu puts paid to that idea. Team Rocket seize up in electric-induced pain, and then the ball explodes, sending them blasting off again!
Oh dear, it was a good plan but they really didn't think it through. Maybe they just figured they were due a win? But they didn't account for the fact that the twerps don't ever play along with their plans. Yes, Gentle Dodgers, for Team Rocket it is a matter of....
Dues and Don'ts.
Team Rocket soar through the air in a surprisingly good mood (maybe because they're getting an episode devoted to them today?) as they note the ups are too short and the downs too painful. Then they pull invisible cords and suddenly parachutes appear, James and Meowth chuckling happily as they begin to gently drift towards earth. Jesse is less pleased though, as she grapples with Wobbuffet Which appears to be trying desperately to bury its face in her crotch (oh like you wouldn't) which causes her parachute to crash with James and Meowth's, and sends them crashing to the ground far harder than they expected.
Lying in a heap with the others and Wobbuffet standing patiently on her back, Jesse growls that this is entirely its fault and returns it to its Pokeball. But James surprisingly comes to the defence of the blue blob, pointing out that they've never defeated the twerps with or without Wobbuffet.
So whose fault is it? It's time to call a meeting to find out!
They settle around a tree stump and eye each other carefully.... but no one says anything! The time has come to apportion blame, but no one wants to be the first to blame someone else so they begin looking at anything else they can while Wobbuffet stands patiently in the corner with a pleased smile.
Finally a vote is suggested, something that Jesse and James both eagerly support, while Meowth panics as he demands to know what precisely they're voting on. Jesse explains it is time to find someone to blame and asks for a round of hands for who blames Meowth?
James, Jesse and Wobbuffet all throw their hands in the air!
Meowth squawks in fright and quickly asks who blames James?
Jesse, Meowth and Wobbuffet all throw their hands in the air!
James is horrified and bends over the stump (seems in character) and proclaims they all know who is responsible for most of their brainless bungling. Who blames Jesse?
James, Meowth and Wobbuffet all throw their hands in the air!
Jesse squawks and bends over the stump as well (hey hey!) and demands to know who blames Wobbuffet?
Jesse, James and Meowth all throw their hands in the air!
Wobbuffet salutes in fright and begins protesting its own name as Team Rocket desperately try to avoid any of them being blamed and instead focus on the twerps. James points out that there are three twerps and only two of them, and when Meowth angrily asks what about him? Jesse points out that he isn't a "people".
"Oh da shame!" gasps Meowth, "I forgot I was a Pokemon!"
Plus, the twerps have a ton more Pokemon as well, while they only have Weezing, Arbok, Wobbuffet and an over-passionate Victreebell. He immediately drops down and clutches his head as if expecting Victreebell-rape or a beating from Jesse while Meowth points out that they DO have all their secret weapons!
Well enough is enough for Jesse; she roars with fury and begins swinging her long hair like a scythe at James and Meowth while roaring that not one of the secret weapons has EVER worked. Wobbuffet pops up to agree and James snaps as well, grabbing Wobbuffet by the sides of the head and piledriving him into the ground before Meowth jumps in to take part in the vicious beating. Jesse isn't going to be left out of this action, so she leaps in too and all four begin fighting EXTREMELY violently, Wobbuffet trying to waddle away and getting dragged back in.
A short time later they lay on their backs, legs spread (HEY HEY!) as they moan in pain, James muttering that at least their vote was fair.
"If dats da democratic way, I'm voting Republican," sighs Meowth.
Jesse decides on a course of action, saying that they can call the Head Office and organise some better Pokemon. James, however, points out that they already owe the Head Office A LOT of money, Meowth noting that he owes all nine of his lives. Jesse sighs in agreement.
They begin trudging on towards their next defeat, hips swinging back and forth provocatively even while in the depths of despair. James complains he has a blister and Jesse sighs that it is one thing after another after anot.... and then they spot a bird in a cage!
It is a strange looking thing, a podgy red bird that stands about 2 foot and has a white crest from its chest running over its face to form two ridges of feathers. Its tail is white and looks like a long sheet, and it is standing inside of a cage made of "light" bars that emanate from a small device on top of the cage.
They wonder who the bird belongs to, and a voice cries out through the device that the Pokemon - Delibird - belongs to THEM, but only if they can defeat it in battle!
Team Rocket are ecstatic, it seems that all of their whining and complaining is paying off at last! The cage opens up and Jesse calls out Arbok while James calls out Weezing, which uses Smoke Screen. But an alarmed Delibird leaps high into the air, surprisingly able to fly despite its small wings, then grabs the back of its tail and flaps it, sending out a Blizzard that freezes the trio. Jesse mutters that it isn't a bad Blizzard and James asks how she knows that is the attack, Jesse grunting because they're in the middle of one! She orders Arbok to use Poison Sting, but Blizzard from Delibird freezes them and sends sharp ice needles back at Team Rocket.
Things really aren't going so well for them right now.
James calls out Victreebell which instantly begins chasing after him, then Jesse (good taste!) before James suggests that if it wants a bite, go get Delibird! It flings Razor Leaf at the podgy bird, but a fresh Blizzard encases Victreebell in ice, and Arbok and Weezing soon share a similar fate. Delibird leaps up to finish things off with a tackle, but then Jesse calls in her ace in the hole, and Wobbuffet uses Counter, sending Delibird reeling backwards and collapsing.
Jesse is ecstatic! She defeated a small fat bird! She grabs out a Pokeball to capture it, and then James does the same. They begin arguing over who should get to capture the bird, and as they do, Delibird is sucked up into the Pokeball of a hideous old crone.
She grins and tells them they have passed the test, they are now qualified to enter..... Team Rocket! She especially likes their phoney Team Rocket outfits, and asks if they play make-believe Team Rocket very often?
Jesse and James are stunned. So they don't get Delibird? And they're already in Team Rocket! They explain so to the old woman, but she laughs off their protests, showing them a photo of a traditionally dressed Team Rocket grunt. But they insist, they ARE in Team Rocket, but she isn't hearing any of it. She explains that lately the cops have been more intense than usual and Team Rocket is desperately short of members, so if they want to join, she can offer them....
She shows them a figure hidden from our view on a calculator and they're shocked. It's a very enticing offer, there's just one problem, and theyıre already in Team Rocket! James figures what the hell, why not join anyway? But Jesse warns they will eventually be found out and get in trouble. The old lady demands an answer, are they going to join or not?
Well they explain again, they ARE in Team Rocket! The old lady asks for some proof and Jesse looks about frantically for her membership card while James quickly whips his out (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!) and shows her. She peers at it for a moment then cackles, that card has expired! She grabs a laptop and scans through it, noting that they haven't paid dues for years, haven't contributed to pension or healthcare.... in fact, they're no longer members!
Jesse and James are horrified and quickly scan over the member listings, frantically saying their names as they read the lists. Jesse cries out in horror as she finds herself missing from the list, and James keeps reading on looking desperately for his name before he too lets loose a moan. He and Jesse collapse dramatically in a blue tinged background, crying over their lack of identity while Meowth quickly taps in his membership number. The laptop conducts a search, and then with malice declares over and over again, "NO!" on the screen as Meowth joins Jesse and James, moaning in despair at having the central tenet of his identity stripped away.
What shall they do now? Create their own underground rebel gang where James drives a souped-up Harley and Jesse has punked-up vertical hair that Marge Simpson would be proud off?
Well they could do that..... or as the old lady laughs, they could just sign up with Team Rocket again!
Meanwhile, in a Team Rocket base in an undisclosed location, we find a green-haired girl in a black Team Rocket uniform reviewing the latest potential recruits.... including a trio of interesting prospects for Johto. She contacts Giovanni personally (apparently he is a hands on Boss!) and we learn she is Wendy from the Human Resources Department. Giovanni notes that they've been casting aside the deadwood of the organisation recently but it is important to have new recruits in Johto, and she sends him the file of Jesse, James and Meowth. As he glares at the trio, Wendy herself grits her teeth and suddenly, unexpectedly, we get a flashback!
Yes it turns out Wendy attended the Team Rocket training academy with Jesse, and during a sweaty workout session (HEY HEY!) they both grabbed fruit smoothies from the cafe. Jesse stood with a towel around her neck in her sweaty team rocket training gear (hey hey hey!) and laughed that there was nothing like a fruit smoothie, then walks away laughing as she calls for Wendy to pay for her drink, promising to pay her back.
AND SHE NEVER DID!
Giovanni demands to know what she's wool-gathering about and Wendy comes back to the present with a start, replying that the trio owe too much money and can't be trusted to come back to the fold. But Giovanni isn't sure; maybe they can make use of them after all?
Back at Johto, the old lady tells the trio that they have one more practical test to regain entry to Team Rocket; they have to beat up on a trainer! She looks about with her binoculars and with delight spots a whole bunch of trainers all together.... and then squawks in surprise as Jesse grabs the binoculars off of her and takes a look for herself.... it's the twerps!
She roars in fury, digging her fingers through her scalp and growling as the old lady asks if they know them. She looks down from the cliff at the twerps and comments that they don't look that tough, and Jesse growls that they might not look tough, but they've beaten them time and time again. The old lady laughs that maybe THEY'RE not so tough then, and then tells them they can borrow Delibird for the fight if they want. Surprised but delighted, Jesse and James whisper amongst themselves, joined by Meowth as they realise that maybe, just maybe they can beat the twerps!
Ash, Misty and Brock walk along when they suddenly hear a call, and turn to see two samurai-looking people with faces obscured standing dramatically by a tree. Who are they?
"Prepare for trouble!"
"Make it double!"
They reveal their faces, James pulling out a sword and Jesse a piece of bamboo and Meowth appears in robes and strums a ukulele. The twerps mutter that seeing them once a day is enough and James' sword goes limp (it happens to everyone, James, it's not that big of a deal!) and then Jesse sends out Delibird. Ash is surprised and scans it with Dexter, discovering that the odd Pokemon's major method of attack is.... giving presents?
Well that doesn't make sense, but then Delibird rushes up and hands each of the twerps a shining globe that explodes in their faces! Dexter belatedly explains the presents have a tendency to explode and with a grunt, Ash snaps that it is time to get serious!
So he sends out Dumbo.
Yes it's the baby elephant that is barely a couple of days old against the big bird that carries bombs. It charges at Delibird, which leaps high out of the way to Jesse and James delight, instantly following their command and hitting Phanpy with a Blizzard. The elephant finds itself trapped in ice and is quickly recalled by Ash, which then throws a fresh series of bombs at the twerps, including Pikachu which gets blown away. Ash scoops it up and runs with the twerps to hide behind a rock, pondering how the hell they're going to beat Team Rocket this time?
As this little conference goes on, Pikachu is tapped on the back of the head and turns to see Delibird standing happily on the rock with another present proffered. Pikachu gasps in horror as the bomb explodes, and Pikachu starts to glow white!
Holy shit, an evolution!?!?
But no, the hearts of Pikachu fans worldwide are not broken, as Dexter speaks up again to tell Ash that sometimes Delibird's presents backfire and actually restore the health and energy of the opponent. As Jesse gloats happily over Pikachu's predicament, it looks up through narrowed eyes and then glows with tremendous electrical energy, tearing up the ground around it as Jesse and James clutch to each other in horror. A pink whirlwind flies around the treetops and Team Rocket find themselves blasting off again... again! Jesse asks disconsolately if Meowth remembered to pack the parachutes again, but it seems he did not.
The old trainer stands watching from the cliff top, muttering that they might have failed to defeat the twerps, but they REALLY need new recruits.
Back at the base, Wendy has Giovanni on the line again, trying again to convince him not to rehire Jesse, James and Meowth..... Jesse most of all. But Giovanni mutters that they need the extra hands in Johto, so she can just work them hard and make their money back.... or hell, just work them hard!
Giovanni rings off and Wendy roars Jesse's name and mimes her most recognisable features, cupping the air in front of her chest and squeezing.
Oh like you wouldn't.
Back in Johto, the old lady tells Jesse, James and Meowth the good news, they're back in Team Rocket! They are, of course, delighted even if they do have to give Delibird back to the old lady, but it doesn't want to leave without giving them a gift first.... a glowing present!
They gasp in horror as the ball glows brighter, but instead of exploding it pops open and reveals.... a bill! Team Rocket are confused, a bill? Yes it seems that they're back in the Organisation but they're going to be working for free, or rather all the money they make is supposed to go back to Team Rocket, and Delibird will be making monthly visits to see them and get their payments!
They're aghast, what about the sign-up bonus she offered them? Well she admits she then promise then a sizeable sum, but that had to be subtracted from what they owed for all those snazzy robots and submarines and Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloons and what was left over wasn't enough for loose change! They stare again at the bill, surprised to see that included is the bill for... a smoothie?
Back at the Team Rocket base, Wendy swallows her smoothie and roars with laughter, having found that one thing that keeps middle-management human resource drones alive and happy..... petty bureaucratic revenge!
And so Team Rocket wander on through Johto much happier with their lot in life. Well why not? They got a whole episode to themselves (hooray!) and they got back into Team Rocket (even if they didn't know they were out of it) plus they gave the twerp a bit of a kicking for at least a little while! Jesse comments that she doesn't even like smoothies, preferring a latte any day of the week, and together she, James and Meowth celebrate just how great life is, much to the surprise and confusion of the nearby twerps who have no idea who just shouted out in delight.
Though whether they'll be so delighted at the end of the month when Delibird shows up remains to be seen!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "While we have left one Weezing, one Arbok and an overly passionate Victrebell."
"The twerps team is comprised of three people, while we only have two people." "What about me?." "I'm afraid you're not a people."
"We'll go underground and make our own Team Rocket Bad Guys Cool Gang!"
 "I suppose it's necessary for an evil organisation to look for promising evil doers to add to our evil team."
"Team Jet's membership is filled up, and Team helicopter's just a bunch of snobs, so just what's an evil genius to do?""Besides, they've got stock options."
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