217: The Mystery is History
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Ash calls the little spiky haired Pikachu over and it wanders over to share a chat with Ash's Pikachu, and that is when...... IT arrives!
"RICHIE!" gasps Ash.
Oh God, oh God..... it has finally happened. The little bastard clone of Ash with all of Ash's interesting attributes has arrived, the little "Mary Sue" character of the Pokemon World. Goddamn motherfucking Richie, who unfairly knocked Ash out of the Indigo League only to take a whipping himself. The little bastard we're all supposed to love and fix a swell fella and want to invite around for barbeques. Yes, Richie, and what does the little twat say as he approaches Ash and the others with a smile?
"Together again!" he grins, immediately inviting himself uninvited into their group.
So there you have it, Gentle Dodgers, Richie is back and with only two words, the mystery of whether he could possibly still be as annoying is answered. In fact, you could say....
The Mystery is History!
They catch up, Misty lying and saying being together again is fun, while Sparky pokes a laughing Togepi in the face with its tail. Richie - of course - turns out to be looking for the "Mysterious Pokemon" as well, though his method is different from Ash's. Like the little speccy bastard he is, he went to the goddamn library (probably helping a little old lady across the street while doing it) and studied up on it.
Ash explains how they saw a mysterious shadow near Blue Rock, and Richie asks why they're in Ogi Isle if they saw it by Blue Rock. Ash nervously explains it isn't all about research, and he gets by on instinct, quick reactions and good old common sense.... three things Misty says are in short supply if you ask her, which Ash replies he wasn't.
` Richie suggests (Goddammit I don't want to be writing his name like it is just some regular thing! DIE YOU LITTLE BASTARD) they go look on the deserted island a little off the shore and so they row their way out to it, where a little kid is swimming with a couple of Water Pokemon and sees them pull in. He calls out to a small, mysteriously shadowed Pokemon under the water to go and hide until he gives the sign, and "Silver" swims away unseen.
The twerps walk around with Richie taking the lead with Ash (what a goddamn jerk, he should be bringing up the rear, wringing his cap in his hand and carrying their shit, not leading from the front) and they spot the kid in the water with a Lanturn, a kind of fish with a lure extending out from the top of its head. He explains he lives on the island on the other side but comes to swim in this bay all of the time. Ash pulls out Dexter to get the 411 on Lanturn.
"Lanturn, the Light Pokemon," explains Dexter, "The light, that emits from its tentacle-like limb, shines bright enough to, illuminate the bottom, of the deep sea."
Ash explains they're here to see a mysterious Pokemon but Oliver (the kid) says he hasn't seen anything or heard of anything, and the twerps are immediately convinced, after all there is absolutely no reason not to. But that little sonuvabitch Richie uses his Mary-Sue powers and asks about the "other" Pokemon he saw swimming with Oliver when they arrived on the island.
Apparently when Richie rowed by 100 metres to the right he was able to see a Pokemon that was fully submerged and probably only visible from directly above.
Oliver nervously replies that Lanturn is his only Pokemon, and they should try some of the other islands because he has to go trim his nails! He swims away and the twerps seem satiated, Brock saying it is nice to meet someone so concerned about personal hygiene! Richie is unconvinced, but he walks away with the others as Oliver watches from behind a rock and sighs with relief. Suddenly "Silver" pulls him under the water and then pops up beside him.... it's a baby Lugia!
But Oliver and Silver's antics do not go unseen, as they are filmed from behind a rock by.... Team Rocket!
But wait, it's not Jesse, James and Meowth! It's a couple of black clad Rocket Grunts, and they communicate through a microphone back to their base that they have spotted Lugia. Their base itself is under the water, a base that Doctor Octopus himself would be proud off. Inside, a ginger haired old man with Dr Robotnik style hair and handlebar moustache demands to know what they've found, and their recording is beamed down to his giant screen.
Where do supervillains get those giant screens, anyway? Vince McMahon?
He is delighted to see the baby Lugia, imagining the destructive force of such a Pokemon. A Rocket Grunt asks what his orders are and he snaps the same as always, he'll have a biscuit! Astonished, the Grunt explains he meant his orders in relation to Mysterious Pokemon X and the Doctor quickly corrects himself, saying he wants it captured, alive and unharmed. A submarine exits the asshole of the underwater base, and sets off.
Above the water Oliver tussles with Silver and jokes that it loves to play all the time, but then they are interrupted by Team Rocket, holding sinister blaster-looking rifles that fire a net which wraps up the frightening baby Lugia. Oliver calls on Lanturn and it attacks the grunts, then Silver dives out of the net and they start swimming away. They are blocked by the submarine but Lanturn grabs up Oliver on its back and he and Silver swim away.
Meanwhile the twerps stumble around the island perhaps hoping to find the massive mysterious Pokemon under a rock or in a rock pool or something, and Richie explains his suspicions that Oliver lied to them. Ash is shocked, why would a complete stranger lie about a massive mystery!?!?!
But they are also being watched by Team Rocket..... but this time at least it is the proper Team Rocket, Jesse, James and Meowth! Sitting in the pedal-powered Magikarp Submarine and looking through a periscope, Jesse is delighted to see two Pikachu on shore but then Meowth spots the same thing the twerps just have, something much better... Lugia!
James recognises Lugia as being just like the one on the Orange Islands, something that Ash, Brock and Misty all seem to have failed to do. What the twerps do know though is that a submarine chasing a Pokemon can only mean one thing, Team Rocket! They're right, but not quite in the way they think.
"Prepare for trouble, you got that right!" insists a gravely voice from the submarine.
"And make that double ..." warns a female voice.
"Coz we're here for a fight!" finishes the gravely voiced male, and the camera lifts up over the toned, athletic bodies of.... Butch and Cassidy!
"To infect the world with devastation!" cries Cassidy.
"To blight all peoples in every nation," agrees Butch.
"To denounce the goodness of truth and love!"
"To extend our wrath to the stars above!"
"Cassidy!"
"And Butch of course!"
"we're Team Rocket circling earth all day and night!"
"Surrender to us now or you will surely lose the fight, fight, fight!"
Mercifully, their horrible Raticate does not appear to be with them.
Richie is shocked, it IS Team Rocket, and Ash agrees, its Cassidy....
"And Buzz!" shouts Misty.
"THE NAME'S NOT BUZZ! IT'S BUTCH! DIDN"T YOU HEAR ME THE FIRST TIME!?!?" roars Butch angrily.
Cassidy demands they hand over the baby Lugia and Ash's eyes widen.... a baby Lugia??! Where? Oh yeah... the mysterious Pokemon. The submarine fires a net which is promptly torn apart by Ash's Bayleef and its Razorleaf, so Cassidy sends out Houndour and Butch sends out Hitmontop. Houndour wings Bayleef with Flamethrower and then Hitmontop uses Rolling Kick to smack it backward, and Richie sends out his latest Pokemon, which turns out not to be some shitty version of one of Ash's but Pupitar. Ash ignores his burning, possibly bleeding Bayleef to find out about Pupitar from Dexter.
"Pupitar, the hard shell Pokemon," explains Dexter, "Pupitar is encased in a nearly indestructible shell, and has enough power to topple a mountain!"
It uses Take-down, smacking over Hitmontop and gets hit with Flamethrower, but is unhurt. Hitmontop tries a Triple Kick but gets caught by Bayleef's Vine Whip, and is sent spinning the other way into Houndour. Butch and Cassidy call back their Pokemon and then send their Submarine into full speed right at the twerps, but a mysterious girl (not a Lugia... it's Luca!) rams into them, calling out to Cassidy by name....
Another jilted lesbian lover, Cassidy? Girl, you get around!
.... and a Sandstorm from Pupitar has Team Rocket retreat back under the wave, for now.
The "other" Team Rocket watches on from their Magikarp submarine, curious.
"Wasn't that Cassidy and what's his name?" asks Jesse.
"It's Butch," whispers James, "He's a little sensitive about that."
"Who cares!" growls Jesse, "Lets follow them!
They begin following the submarine as Meowth complains he was about to take break.
Back on shore, the twerps thank Luca for her THE FUCK OUT OF NOWHERE rescue, and she flips over a case around her neck to show them the Silver Wing she liberated from a Mantine/Octillery shipwreck breeding ground, saying she is in the area following up leads on the Silver Wing.
Seems she finally found out that EVERYONE in the Whirl Islands knew what the Silver Wing was and just didn't bother to tell her family.
Wow, what a bunch of jerks.
Brock is delighted to see Luca again and says she has to admit that she just couldn't bear to be parted from him. Ash and Richie pet Lugia and Ash explains he saw one before in the Orange Islands (he finally remembered!) but everyone is confused.... why is it so small? Oliver explains it is a baby, the same age as him and he nicknamed it Silver. Misty is confused, he said he didn't know anything about a mysterious Pokemon (HE LIED, MISTY!) and so he apologises, saying he was worried that others would see it and try to capture it. They agree it was a good idea to tell filthy lies to strangers and ask how he got it; did he capture it with a Pokeball? Well no, apparently a week ago while riding his Lanturn out in the ocean, a storm came out of nowhere and rocked him and Lanturn about and under the water, and when he came to he was lying on the rocks with Silver right next to him. Lanturn was also okay, and then MAMA LUGIA popped up (seen only in shadow in the memory). But as they talk, memory becomes present as the water erupts and a huge - and furious looking - MAMA LUGIA appears out of the water.
It looms above them screeching, and Luca's Silver Wing begins to glow while the twerps figure that it is pissed that they're near its baby. Oliver calls out it is okay and the twerps explain they're nice guys, seriously! The Pikachus agree and call out assurances, and Lugia glares and.... then seems to accept, Luca's Silver Wing ceasing to glow. Lugia drops to the ground before them, and then dives into the water followed by Silver. Ash says they should follow and luckily Luca once again has diving gear enough for all of them, including two tiny pieces of diving equipment for the two Pikachu.
Which, given Pikachu's obvious French proclivities seems only natural, now it is a Frog-man!..... groooooan.
They head under water where Lugia feeds Silver seaweed, and then the little Lugia head butts Ash in the stomach and he chases it, but it hides behind its mum which nuzzles its head happily, leaving Ash without revenge.
Above the water, Luca stands with a confused Togepi (left without a source of nourishment and only a few metres away from an ultra powerful legendary Pokemon it could have latched onto!) and stares at her Silver Wing, figuring that it was actually a feather from Lugia.
In the underwater base, Jesse and James appear wearing traditionally black Team Rocket uniforms. James is miserable, these costumes are SOOOO uncool! But Jesse explains she is tired of coming up with genius ideas just for them to screw things up for her, so they're going to steal Butch and Cassidy's idea, grab Lugia and take it to the Boss for undue credit! James loves getting undue credit and Meowth - who is hiding inside James' jacket! - agrees that these other Team Rocket members always seem to get better stuff than them!
Elsewhere in the base, Cassidy reports her failure to Dr Nanba, who is the Dr Robotnik looking motherfucker. He demands to know where his lunch is and she explains to the brilliant but addled old man that she isn't a caterer, reporting the Lugia still at large. He demands they try again as Jesse and James enter the room, framed on one side by Nanba's elbow and on the other by one of Cassidy's giant tits.
Look if you don't believe us, see for yourself!
He explains his attempts to use Charizard and Feraligator for his Pokemon Power Magnifying Project were failures, and he needs Lugia. But what is the Pokemon Power Magnifying Project? Well luckily in his current addled state he seems to forget that Butch and Cassidy would be well aware of the details of his plans and he explains to them that the project involves focusing the power of a Pokemon into a giant laser beam....
Guys who live in Underwater Bases are always trying to make giant laser beams, itıs like a rule or something.
.... and then he pauses to ask sadly if they're sure they haven't brought him any lunch. Cassidy notices Jesse and James (although she obviously doesn't realise who they are) and demands they go and fetch some lunch for the Doctor, oooh, and grab her some of those little fishy cracker things!
Jesse fumes at being ordered about but James quickly reminds her that bad guys aren't nice and sweetly calls out that food is on the way.
Out in the corridor, Meowth pops his head out of James' jacket to watch as Jesse kicks the wall and vents her anger at Cassidy.
"....AND WHY AM I WEARING A BERET!" she roars, her long hair bunched up beneath the black beret.
"I heard they were coming back in style!" offers James helpfully.
Meowth points out that they learnt about the Lugia, and Jesse insists she will get it from right out under Cassidy's pointy nose.
Back on the boat, the Lugia look set to get going and Brock explains they are deep ocean dwellers that only come close to the surface when it is time to raise their young. Luca tells them she has to go pick up some supplies and they say they'll wait around on Ogi Island, where everyone settles down to eat some food while Silver and Lanturn play about.
But then ANOTHER Lugia appears, about the same size as Silver. Silver swims up to it to nuzzle happily against it, but the twerps notice it... well, it kind of is made out of metal! Silver swims after it as the twerps call out a warning, Oliver jumping onto Lanturn and chasing as the twerps and Richie jump into their rowboat and head out after them. The back of the fake Lugia opens and a complex series of rods with balls on the end fire out, wrapping around Lugia and creating a cage, then the submarine surfaces again with Butch and Cassidy insisting that now the Lugia is theirs!
But then ANOTHER submarine surfaces and ANOTHER Team Rocket appears, this time a Magikarp submarine and who is inside?
"Prepare for trouble, it's you know who!" laughs Jesse as she jumps out of the cockpit dressed in her proper improper uniform.
"And make it double, coz we're nasty too!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light,"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Meowth! Dat's right!"
"They're joking," sighs Cassidy.
"Jesse and James," growls Butch.
"Just stay out of our way!" shouts Cassidy,"You're an embarrassment to Team Rocket!"
"But You'll be the ones embarrassed when we take that baby Lugia to the boss!" retorts Jesse, not bothering to defend herself from Cassidy's allegation.
"You must be joking!" growls Cassidy, her face appearing on a diagonally split screen with Jesse's face.
"You've said that," points out Jesse with a grin.
"ALL RIGHT THEN!" roars Cassidy, grabbing the side of the diagonal split and shoving Jesse into the corner.
"ALL RIGHT YOURSELF!" roars Jesse, shoving her back up into the top corner of the screen.
Cassidy calls out Houndour and Jesse calls out Arbok, which uses a Poison Sting Attack that is blown away by Flamethrower and burns up Jesse, James and Meowth while the twerps try to get Lugia back. But Butch and Cassidy laugh as a mechanical arm reached for the cage... which is promptly cut open with a Razor Leaf from Bayleef. Hitmontop smacks Bayleef with Rolling Kick but Bayleef Vine Whips it back, so Butch calls it back as Houndour covers its own retreat using Smog. Butch uses ANOTHER mechanical arm to grab the cage and drag Silver into the submarine, and then they smash past Team Rocket, sinking their Magikarp submarine, knocking the twerps and Oliver aside on a wave and.... submerging.
They got away!
The twerps and Oliver resurface and look about in horror.... the bad guys won! Or as the narrator puts it (leaving out a couple of choice curse words)....
They're up shit creek without a paddle.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "All the same, it was nice to meet someone so concerned about their personal hygiene."
 "I get by using quick reactions and common sence." "Three items that are in short supply if you ask me.""I'm not."
 "Ooooooo! I love taking undue credit."
 "You two over there, run down to the gallery and fetch the professor something to eat. And while you're at it, bringe me some of those fishy crackers."
 "Wasn't that Cassidy and what's-his-name?""It's Butch. he's a bit sensitive about that."
"Why am I wearing a berat?""I heard they were coming back in style."
"Double our pleasure, double our fun!"
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