203: The Joy of Water Pokemon
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She explains that all Water Pokemon trainers dream of visiting the Pokemon Centre at Lake Lucid (which is amazing since when the series started there were only 150 known Pokemon and no one ever mentioned anything about the Johto region).
Bubbles erupt to the surface of the lake and suddenly a bulky suited figure in an old style diving suit emerges carrying an injured Goldeen in its arms. Brock glares at the figure, then proclaims to everybody's surprise that it is a girl, and a very attractive girl at that. The suited figure puts the Goldeen into a water tank wheeled in by two Chansey and orders them to move it back to the centre to change its bandages.
Wet bandages are surely the best thing to treat an illness.
The top of the suit splits open down the sides and opens to reveal a tired looking Nurse Joy, and Brock slides up beside her proclaiming that he saw right through her suit!
"You... you saw through my suit?" gasps Joy, perturbed at the implications of this.
Brock laughs off her concern, saying it's just a figure of speech, "My friends call me Brock, in fact everybody calls me Brock, so I'd prefer if you can call me your boyfriend!"
Misty tugs him aside by the ear and introduces herself, asking Joy if she is the Nurse Joy who works at the Lake Lucid Pokemon Centre. When Joy answers in the affirmative, Misty appears to have a little explosion of joy in her pants and stares dreamily at Joy as the nurse takes note of Pikachu and asks if it would like to come back to the centre.
Brock accepts the invitation on behalf of Pikachu (in fact he accepts INSTEAD of Pikachu) but Joy just laughs at his desperation (oh women, cruel, cruel women) and invites them all inside to the joy of Misty. This is her dream come true, it is the realisation of....
The Joy of Water Pokemon.
Ash however is unimpressed, what's so great about just another run of the mill Nurse Joy, they all look alike anyway.... just like bla.....
Sassy Black Woman Edit: OH NO YOU DINT!
In any case, Brock pulls out a book that he has apparently carrying around in his backpack since the end of Showdown At Pewter City. It is called 'A Spring Without Pokemon' and was written by the Lake Lucid Nurse Joy..... fifty years ago!
No, she's not some creepy ghost or an astonishingly well preserved eighty year old, but the granddaughter of the author of the book. Apparently Nurse Joy's Grandmother studied the lake back in the days when it was a polluted dump so gross that even the Muks and Grimers wouldn't hang around. She wrote the book to showcase the effect pollution had on Pokemon in the wild.
Brock then pulls out another book, 'Summer of Muk' but Nurse Joy didn't write that one either. This book was written by her mother and tells the story of how she convinced the factory owners to stop polluting the lake (HAHAHAHA!) and masterminded the cleansing process that returned first Grimers and Muks, and eventually other Pokemon.
Now this Nurse Joy is trying to live up to the legacy of her two famous ancestors. As she talks, a Tentacool, Dewgong and Seaking pop out of the water.... as well as a massive roaring Gyrados that even Misty isn't overly pleased to see.
They compliment Nurse Joy on how healthy the Pokemon look, and Joy explains that the lake is a place where the Pokemon can exercise and build up their health both physically and emotionally.
"Emotions huh? I like the sound of that!" grins Brock, "I NEED EMOTIONALBUILD UP NURSE JOY! MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME!?!"
Misty tugs him away by the ear, telling Nurse Joy to ignore him. They then all notice two Seadra apparently attacking each other, then two Dewgong. But Joy explains that they're not fighting but working on building up their strength.
Ash - a faraway look in his eyes - whispers that he wants to see a real battle, but everyone ignores his desperate need for violence satiation as they comment on how the recovering Pokemon seem to be healthier than many fit Pokemon.
Brock is sure the reason for this is Joy's research and searches about in his backpack for her book, which he is sure must exist (apparently he buys books at random, throws them into his backpack and forgets about them). But Joy explains that she hasn't written a book yet, but plans to soon. She will call it 'An Autumn Harvest of Pokemon' in order to rip-off her Grandm.... to honour her Grandmother and Mother.
Meanwhile, sitting with the top of it's head barely exposed appears to be a Tentacruel inside of the water. But this is no ordinary Tentacruel, but rather a mechanical construct containing within the joy that is Team Rocket.
James stares at the twerps, Nurse Joy and the Chansey through the periscope. Jesse tells him to stop bothering with the Chansey and instead focus on getting that Pikachu. James agrees, but then Wobbuffet pops up to bravely salute and proclaim it's own name. The camera cuts to an outside shot of the Tentacruel submarine, which is hardly state of the art with four of tentacles actually rubber legs with Jesse and James' own legs filling in. Suddenly real tentacles grab them and pull them down....
A million internet nerds suddenly sit up and take notice.
....and another Tentacruel is facing them.
A million internet nerds slowly adjust their belts with one hand.
....and Meowth translates, saying it wants a practice battle to get back in shape.
A million internet nerds go back to working on their hilarious sprite-based webcomics.
Back on shore Joy invites them once again inside the Pokemon Centre and they head in, the Tentacruel Submarine surfacing battered and beaten. Inside Team Rocket moan over how lucky they are that it was just a practice battle, and Wobbuffet dazedly agrees by saying it's name, one crooked arm saluting backwards.
Inside the Pokemon Centre Pikachu gets it's sacs recharged and moans with pleasure GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA! Anyway Pikachu is recharged and then Misty asks Joy to treat her Pokemon. Joy agrees until Misty reveals that they're Water Pokemon, and suddenly the nurse is backed up against the wall jabbering in panic to keep them away, keep them away, keep them away!
The twerps are all confused, and Joy explains in a panic that she should have mentioned earlier that, well.... she hates Water Pokemon.
!
Back in the lake, the battered Tentacruel submarine chugs its way through the lake, the other Pokemon avoiding it. James is convinced they're being ignored because of their 'humiliation' at the hands of the other Tentacruel....
A million internet nerds take notice again.
....though of course that all happened off-screen.
Aaaaand a million internet nerds stop paying attention.
They notice a giant tunnel at the far end of the lake beneath the Pokemon Centre and figure it must be the underwater entrance (every place should have an underwater entrance because that's just f**king cool - even your own house should have one, and your car too.... holy f**k that would be awesome) so in they go, ready to steal as many valuable Pokemon as they can.
Inside Ash is confused, how can Nurse Joy hate Water Pokemon is she was just touching Pikachu?
Rather than the difference between water and electricity, Joy just points out that she loves all kinds of Pokemon EXCEPT for Water Pokemon, which she doesn't just dislike but actively HATES!
Usually when dealing with Water Pokemon she wears her diving suit with the vicious looking grab-claws and soulless inhuman blank helmet for a face. She jumps in and advances on Misty with claws clicking sinisterly, telling the grumpy redhead to hand over her Water Pokemon and she'll give them the best treatment possible. Apparently nobody gives better treatment to Water Pokemon than the Lake Lucid Nurse Joy, just so long as she doesn't have to touch them.
Poor Misty has just had her second girlhood dream destroyed (the first being to meet a handsome fellow who was brave and intelligent... as opposed to some dipshit kid from some podunk backwater town like Pallet Town) and is a little wary of the costumed Joy. She eventually agrees to let her Pokemon be treated.... but she'll carry them. Nurse Joy is relieved, thinking that Misty merely foresaw the problem with carrying balls inside grabbing claw hands.
Inside the centre, several Chansey approach Joy and she compliments them on the good work they did on Goldeen's bandages. She explains that thanks to her Chansey assistants, she never has to actually touch the Water Pokemon. They look around the centre, which is filled with a large pool and giant water tanks that each contain a separate Pokemon. Joy explains that she has developed different healing water solutions that are pumped into the pools of all the various Pokemon to treat their particular infirmities. Misty herself thinks that Joy is wasting her time, since if she doesn't love Water Pokemon why should she bother treating them?
Brock is a bit upset with Misty acting this way and Togepi (which is being held by Brock) seems decidedly alarmed at this blatant display of personality!
Misty explains that she always dreamed of meeting the Lake Lucid Nurse Joy and having her Pokemon treated by her, but when she finally does she discovers that Nurse Joy won't even touch them! Joy explains that she is a professional and would never let her personal feelings get in the way of her work. Everybody has a Pokemon they love and a Pokemon they dislike (to prove the point, only a few seconds earlier Misty had been underwhelmed by the presence of Gyrados in a neckbrace) and Joy dislikes Water Pokemon.... because of something horrible that happened to her in the lake back when she was young.
Holy crap she got raped by a Muk!?!?!
A million internet nerds sit up and take notice.
She tells the story of how as a girl a Remoraid blasted her in the face with water while she was in a boat with her mother. She then fell in and was mobbed by the Remoraid until they blasted her out of the water and back into the boat.
A million internet nerds go back to working on their lifesize Sailor Moon case-mod.
Joy's mother comforted her and told her it was all right to get blasted in the face and then in the ass by a group of gape-mouthed fish, then goes on to explain how great Lake Lucid is and how when little Nurse Joy grows up to be a big Nurse Joy she can look after Lake Lucid as well.
Misty still doesn't think that it honours her mother to be doing a job she hates, but Joy explains that she loves her job and loves Lake Lucid, it's just Water Pokemon she hates. But treating Pokemon makes her happy, even if it means treating Pokemon she can't stand.
At that moment a very battered looking Tentacruel bursts out of the pool and Nurse Joy instantly sees through the poor disguise. The top tears open and Jesse and James burst out.
"Prepare for trouble!"
"And make it double!"
They flip out of the Tentacruel Submarine into the water, submerging all but one foot as they treat the twerps to a synchronised swimming display.
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light,"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight, fight!"
"Meowth! Dat's right!"
They leap back into the Tentacruel submarine, pull the top back on and begin flinging rubber tentacles out....
A million internet nerds sit up and take notice.
....that wrap around Pikachu and start pulling it in.
900,000 internet nerds go back to Chip'N'Dale slash fanfiction.
Pikachu tries to shock them but James laughs that the sub is made from rub and can't be shocked. Jesse then notes that they can feel a tingle and Meowth reminds them that they just jumped (rather unnecessarily but dramatically) into the water. Water, of course, conducts electricity.
The submarine breaks down and creates a backlash that sends Team Rocket spiralling down the drain and shatters the tank holding Gyrados. The tank bursts open and Gyrados slumps out with a roar, thrashing about and in serious danger of doing itself some damage.
Ash (with Pikachu) starts running forward (maybe he'll yell later) but Brock stops him, pointing out what an incredibly stupid idea it would be for the scrawny boy and his rat to try and calm down a giant, thrashing Gyrados.
Nurse Joy decides to handle it and Ash and Brock tell her that they'll handle it, it's not a job for her. Joy carefully explains that she's a f**king nurse you morons and then moves forward to help the Gyrados which has apparently grown to ten times normal size. Her Pokemon handling suit was washed away so she must handle it with her hands.
"If I touch it the right way it'll calm down," says Joy.
The other 900,000 internet nerds sit up and take notice.
Using her magic fingers and a few choice quotes from her Grandmother and Mother's books, Joy calms the Gyrados down and has her Chansey apply a new neckbrace to it before carrying it (apparently them Chanseys is tough mofos) to a new tank. She then walks back to an impressed trio of twerps and starts to offer to treat Misty's Pokemon again.... before fainting into Brock's arms.
Oh Brock, poor Brock.... that's it, that's as close as you'll get.
Later the twerps prepare to head away, Joy explaining to them that she still doesn't like Water Pokemon but, as she stressed earlier on, that will never get in the way of her work. She compliments Misty's Pokemon and tells them she'll continue to treat Pokemon and work on her book. Misty and Ash both say they'll buy one (Ash can get someone to read his to him) and Brock says he'll buy two if she'll autograph them.
They head away, the narrator telling us that today they've learned the valuable lesson that sometimes you can't just do what you like, but what you must. That lesson will serve them well on their journey to Johto.
Really? Well here's a lesson for them on their road to Johto, and something they MUST do.
GET YOUR F**KING ASSES TO OLIVINE CITY!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Misty, take a chill pill, why don't ya?"
 "My friends call me Brock so I'd appreciate it if you'd call me your boyfriend"
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