197: Turning Over A New Bayleef
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Hey look kids, Noctowl's back!
....and tells them they're going to have some fun! Bayleef of course is very excited at this prospect and leaps forward as it always did as Chikorita into Ash's waiting arms.... and knocks Ash right over, apparently snapping his neck and leaving a concerned Brock and Misty looking on. Yes kids, this ain't your Daddy's Chikorita, it's time for us to be....
Turning Over A New Bayleef.
The first game Ash decides to play with his Pokemon is a variation on fetch. He gives Noctowl (WHERE THE HELL WAS NOCTOWL IN THE LAST EPISODE!?!?!) a stick which it then flies away with before dropping for the other Pokemon to try and catch. Whoever catches it, wins. Noctowl flies off, the Pokemon give chase and leap high to catch the stick when it is dropped. But none jumps as high as Bayleef which catches the stick and crashes to the ground. Ash congratulates it and with squeezed eyes joy Bayleef charges Ash for a hug, smashing into him and sending him crashing back into the stream. He leaps to his feet and demands an explanation from Bayleef as to why it tackled him, but a confused Bayleef just stares as the other Pokemon join it at the bank of the stream, followed by Brock and Misty.
Brock and Misty try and calm a VERY irate Ash down, but nothing is more irrational than a 13 year old boy who has been made to look foolish in the general vicinity of a girl. He snaps that he doesn't care if Bayleef just evolved from Chikorita and doesn't know it's own strength, it's going to go back in it's Pokeball and that is that and....
"LOVE CAN BE PAINFUL, ASH!" roars Brock, "BAYLEEF WANTS YOU TO FALL FOR IT AND FALL HARD! THAT'S PROBABLY WHY IT CHOSE TACKLE ATTACK!" "Brock," sighs Misty, "I think you're having a goofy attack."
Ash sighs, wondering what he is going to do with Bayleef before they settle down to making lunch.
Brock works on a stew while Misty prepares food for the Pokemon. As Pikachu is held in a fear-frozen grin of terror by the capering of Togepi, Totodile dances with joy on an ACTUAL ROCK while Bayleef, Noctowl, Cyndaquil and Bulbasaur sleep in a pile.
With the stew ready, Ash carries a couple of plates of the hot meal towards the picnic table, but Totodile is enthralled by the fact that Ash is wearing real life BLUE pants and runs up to dance about beside him. As he tells it not to knock him off-balance, Bayleef wakes up and begins to rush towards him happily. But then we get a look into the thought processes of a Pokemon as Bayleef imagines a black-eyed, possibly soulless caricature of Ash getting knocked over by Bayleef and yelling at it. So Bayleef thoughtfully slows to a walk and approaches Ash carefully as he snaps at Totodile to stop dancing about. He looks up and notices Bayleef approaching and completely unreasonably snaps at it to stop trying to Tackle Attack him. Bayleef is, of course, confused. It was walking, not rushing, so it begins to slowly approach again and once more Ash yells at it to back the F**K UP!
Or words to that effect.
Bayleef's eyes fill with tears and it rushes away as Ash and an incredibly excited Totodile head for the table. Everybody settles down to eat, all of Ash's Pokemon lined up beside the table with a bowl in front of them ready to eat (apparently somewhere between the end of the last episode and Noctowl returning, Brock and Misty's Pokemon were bad and weren't allowed out of their Pokeballs or, indeed, to eat at all) before Misty notices that Bayleef is missing.
Where, you ask?
Well keep reading, the words won't magically appear back in time, will they!?!
Bayleef if staring despondently into the quickly running stream somewhere off in the forest, despondently kicking a stone into the water. It remembers Ash yelling at it and gets angry. After all, it didn't do anything wrong, Ash was just being a dick, so it sweeps a larger rock across the stream into bushes where it rouses the attention of several Beedrill.
Apparently Beedrill hang about on the ground in bushes now, rather than in trees or in the air.
They chase the startled Bayleef which runs away alongside the stream, slipping on a loose bit of rock and falling into the stream, carried away by the rushing water.
Elsewhere the twerps and Ash's Pokemon continue to look for Bayleef, with Noctowl flapping around in small circles about 6 feet off the ground directly behind Ash, in case Bayleef is hiding between blades of grass.
Ash for his part can't understand why Bayleef would run away?
Holy crap, somebody shoot him in the head and put him out of his misery.
Misty tells him that Bayleef is just doing what he told it to do, since he told it to go away. Ash explains that he didn't mean it like that, cueing the mark for Brock to give us reason number 78,462 why he is single.
"If Bayleef is like a girl in love," growls Brock, waggling his finger, "Logical explanations won't work!"
Before Misty can beat eight shades of everloving shit out of him, Pikachu sniffs the lingering remains of a Bayleef fart and sets off after it. The twerps give chase, leaving behind a watching Team Rocket from deep in the bushes.
Meowth is confused as to why they're in such a hurry but James is a master observer and thinks that they might be trying to capture Pikachu. Well, as that makes absolutely no sense, Jesse agrees wholeheartedly and suggests that they be the one to capture it. She has a plan, but rather than tell them what it is just tells them to follow her.
Meanwhile, an old lady walks along a rose bordered path with a musclebound Machoke beside her carrying baskets. The massive Pokemon notices Bayleef washed up on the rocky shore and they rush to rescue it.
Additionally meanwhile, Pikachu has found the slip where Bayleef entered the stream. Ash sets off downstream with the others following close behind, blaming himself (rightly) for the whole thing happening.
More meanwhile (why mean? why not happy?)....
Happywhile, Bayleef awakens wrapped in a blanket beside a fire, and the old lady and Machoke enter the room carrying hot stew. They give it to Bayleef which laps it up happily, but when they offer to help it find it's trainer it wants nothing of the sort. The old lady is surprised that Bayleef wants nought to do with it's trainer, but more than happy to keep it on with them.
A Bellossom and Skiploom peek around the corner and the old lady tells them not to be concerned, so they rush in and pretend to be cute.
They're not.
Happywhile, Ash, Brock, Misty and the Pokemon have been looking for over an hour now for Bayleef and there is still no sign. Togepi, obviously bored with the whole enterprise, motions towards the house up on the hill where it knows (somehow it KNOWS!) Bayleef is. They head up to the house and knock to see if anyone is home, then hear Bayleef out back.
A happy Ash rushes around back and spots Bayleef playing with Skiploom as the old lady comments to Machoke that it is looking stronger (maybe she's eager to keep it around to carry heavy weights, Machoke ain't getting any younger!). Ash moves forward and is tackled by Skiploom, which he angrily tells to back off for daring to try and keep him off private property. But he shows rare empathy wheh Skiploom scolds him, figuring out that he shouldn't walk on the floors.
The old lady explains that this isn't a private garden but the twerps hastily explain that they couldn't get any answer out front and Bayleef is theirs. She is pleased to hear trainer and Pokemon have been reunited, but when Ash approaches Bayleef it steps back, wanting nothing to do with him.
They settle down to tea to worry out this problem, the old woman giving them some herbal tea that Brock proclaims tastes like gardens smell!
Gardens smell of shit, Brock.
As the Pokemon do all the work for the old lady as she sits back and drinks tea like some kind of tea drinking old lady that has Pokemon do work for her in the garden, Ash tries to figure out what to do about Bayleef. He notices how much the Pokemon enjoy working in the garden (and how much Totodile, Pikachu and others enjoy kicking up dirtholes and mudpiles in the clean garden) and figures out he can trick Bayleef into liking him again but pretending to enjoy gardening.
So he twirls up beside Bayleef (yes, he TWIRLS!) and tells it how much he enjoys watering plants. Bayleef sniffs derisively and walks away carrying Skiploom, and Ash chases afterward. Togepi rushes out into view and terrifies Ash into plunging over onto his back. Brock and Misty walk up and stare down at him as he lies on his back like some kind of lying on his back guy, Brock explaining that Bayleef is like a woman and will run away if you make it clear you like them. But if you act aloof, they'll pay attention to you!
Misty is surprised at this accurate statement from Brock and tells him that if he followed his own advice he might just have more luck with the ladies, causing him to seize up and go blue in the face.
As you do.
So Ash plays hard to get, wandering about with a plate full of food and a bristle brush thinking out loud how it would be nice to give someone a grooming and feed it fruits.
But Bayleef ignores Ash, much to Brock's horror.
"I can't believe it!" he cries, "My theory about girls is wrong!"
Misty isn't surprised of course, but Ash was hoping he could instantly just fix his problems with a quick solution. The old lady tells him that he needs to cheer up or his other Pokemon will sense his mood and get upset as well. She explains that if you treat a flower with love or care then it will sense it somehow and grow strong, and Pokemon are just the same.
What if you peed on it with love and care?
Anyway, Ash tells the old lady that he cares about all of his Pokemon and wants them to all be happy, including Bayleef, and she tells him it will sense it soon enough.
Watching from a tree (with Wobbuffet occassionally popping up to proclaim it's name with patient pleasure) are Team Rocket, interested in the way that the old lady has conned all of the Pokemon into working for her. In fact James thinks about the potential for them if they steal the Pokemon and grow all kinds of fruits and vegetables.
"That's a very interesting fantasy, James," mutters Jesse, "But we're thieves, not farmers."
James says it would be wonderful to leave their life of crime behind and become gardeners, but Meowth points out that it sounds like work, Jesse agreeing and saying it is time to get to the stealing.
Huge trunk like legs pound their way through the forest seconds later and suddenly the twerps find themselves confronted by a towering, metallic Bayleef!
"Prepare for trouble beyond belief," cries Jesse from inside the Bayleef-Bot.
"Make it double, beyond... Bayleef!" adds James.
"To protect the world from devestation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light," says Jesse, against the backdrop of running through rosepetals while giggling.
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"Meowth! Dat's right!" finishes Meowth quietly, and then Wobbuffet lands on top of his head and shouts it's own name in triumph.
A massive Vine Whip fires out of the Bayleef-Bot after Team Rocket make their intentions clear (they're going to steal shit) and the twerps start running. The Vine Whip scoops up Pikachu, Bayleef, Skiploom and Bellossom. The old woman runs up crying for them to let her babies (and workforce) go, but they respond by preparing to stamp on her with one massive metallic foot. Machoke rushes in and crashes her to safety before the Bayleef-Bot turns and rushes off, the stolen Pokemon in a giant glass tube on the back of the robot. Ash gives chase, keeping up with the massive running bot with a running stride of about 20metres. He notices a side track leading up to a hill and another road that runs parallel but higher than the road the Bayleef-Bot is escaping on. So he rushes up that hill (essentially allowing the bot to move further and further ahead) then finds himself running right BESIDE the Bayleef-Bot.
Ash Ketchum, so stupid he doesn't know you can't run faster than the speed of sound.
He leaps and uses his ignorance of the laws of physics to continue moving forward at the same speed at the running Bayleef-Bot and land on it's back instead of 20 metres back down the road where it was when he jumped. Then he rushes to the glass tube and and uses a brilliant strategy to get them out.
He hits it.
Then he hits it some more.
Then he runs at it and hits it.
Then he just runs into it.
The other Pokemon follow his lead and batter their heads into a concussion from the other side, Bayleef watching and realising Ash really does care. So it begans slamming it's massive bulk into the jar as well, and though it was designed to be unbreakable (the entire Bot appears to have been built quickly from the scrap metal lying around the forest) it wasn't designed to be unshakeable. The screws holding it down pull loose and the Pokemon are free. Bayleef fires a Razor Leaf at the neck of the Bayleef-Bot which opens a hole in it, allowing Pikachu to fire a Thunderbolt that blasts the controls and brings it to a crashing halt.
They jump off the crashed Bayleef-Bot as Brock, Misty, Cyndaquil, Bulbasaur and Cyndaquil catch up showing no signs of being out of breath.
Apparently Noctowl has f**ked off to wherever it went last episode again.
Team Rocket are shocked at their loss but refuse to surrender, firing out thier Vine Whip Attack again which gets cut in half by Bayleef's Razor Leaf. This leaves Team Rocket defenceless, and of course this being a kids show (HA!) Ash teaches everybody a valuable lesson.
Kick 'em when they're down.
One massive Thunderbolt later Team Rocket are blasting off again and all is right in the world again. The villains have been vanquished, Ash and his Pokemon are back together and Brock is still a virgin.
What the hell happened to Noctowl?
They return to the old lady's garden to say their goodbyes, Ash telling Bayleef that he is sorry and it can tackle him anytime it wants. But Bayleef is sad, Misty suggesting that it may be feeling sorry for hurting him earlier by tackling him. But it is showing self-control now (well when you're carrying a little extra junk in the trunk it is hard to keep up the hot latin passion it had as Chikorita) and Ash is pleased. So pleased, that Bayleef throws up it's big legs and knocks Ash onto his back, climbing on top of him and.....
"Is Bayleef doing what I think it's doing?" asks Misty.
No kids, Bayleef isn't slamming it to Ash's body, apparently it has just learnt Body Slam, a new attack sure to be exploited by Ash to cheap effect in the battles to come.
At the end of the day, isn't that what it's really all about?
| BEST QUOTES |
 "You don't chase girls. You have to make them chase you." "That's very interesting advise. Maybe you should try following it yourself sometime.""My theory about girls is all wrong!""I dn't see why you're so shocked. Any girl you've every liked could have told you that." |
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