195: The Heartbreak of Brock
|
|
Before the woman can answer, all the blood rushes out of Brock's head and he charges at her, begging to take her to dinner, anyplace she wants! Misty however suspects the woman may have reservations about dinner and drags Brock away by the ear. The woman explains that there is no Pokemon Centre in town, the nearest one is ten miles away in the next town.
Well this leaves the twerps in a bind, if they can't go sponge off of Nurse Joy and get free room and board, where the hell can they go?
To the local park!
Yes, like the bums they are, the twerps go to the local town, perhaps in search of newspapers to sleep under. Brock heads to the fountain to get some water to prepare them dinner, spotting a little Nidorina sipping from the fountain as he does so. Suddenly a girl comes charging into the scene, calling for the Nidorina to come to her before she suddenly trips and falls towards the fountain, ready to crack her head open and leave a lovely red on the concrete to match the red of her bizarre dress.
Before she can knock herself senseless though, Brock chivalrously sweeps into her path and catches her, saving her from a fate worse than a shinned knee. she turns to stare up at him as the surprisingly suave breeder (snicker) tells her it was lucky he was nearby. Suddenly her eyes grow bright and she leaps to her feet, revealing that despite looking like a 12 year old playing dress up, her pituitary gland is in full effect and she stands far taller than Brock.
And she's in loooooove!
Yes, the bizarre girl apparently was knocked senseless after all, introducing herself as Temaku, getting Brock's name and then informing him before a confused (as always) Ash and a stunned Misty that she loves the name, and she loves him!
Ooooh this can't end well, prepare yourself, Gentle Dodgers, for....
The Heartbreak of Brock.
Temaku settles down beside a confused Brock and explains that her name is a combination of the names of Pokemon that fit her personality, and then tells him he should be called Eggsbracloi!
Well okay then!
As she waffles on about her name and his name and how happy she would be to change her LAST name, a confused Ash stares on and mutters that it is hard to imagine Brock married.
"You and I will be married someday too," smiles Misty.
"Yeah," replies Ash, not getting it in the most not gettinging it way in the history of the Universe, "HUH!?!?!?
While the AAML world collectively changes pants, Temaku's Daddy shows up wearing his forbidding white lab coat of sciencey doom. Temaku introduces them and Daddy Science notes the tent set up illegally in the park and asks if it belongs to Ash. Ash proudly proclaims that it is, but before Daddy Science can roar with laughter and slap a council infringement notice on them, Temaku asks if they (they meaning Brock) can come stay the night.
Why Daddy thinks nothing could be a better idea then letting three strangers stay the night in a house with his obviously slightly retarded daughter, especially since one of them is clearly a horny teenager!
This may be the Alabama region of Johto.
Well of course the twerps aren't going to look a gift freeload in the odd smelling basement, so they go along to Temaku's house where they find a huge number of Pokemon eating, breeding and shitting their lives away. It seems that Daddy Science is a Pokemon Researcher and does all his research at home to hide from the jeers and jibes of the fellow scientists about Temaku.
Temaku meanwhile cooks up a storm and prepares dinner for Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, Togepi, Nidorina and herself. She tells a dazed Brock that she could cook this for him every night for the rest of his life, terrifying the poor boy who is learning the flipside of crazy stalkerism.
As the night stretches on and Togepi is chased down by Pikachu and Nidorina in an attempt to bring its' mad reign of terror to an end, Temaku brings the twerps tea on the balcony. She asks Brock how many lumps of sugar he wants and after some angry prompting from Misty he asks for 47. When Temaku tells him that is a lot of sugar, he decides to cut back to 45. But while Temaku is a ditzy girl with the brains of a 8 year old in the body of a 16 year old, she is enough of a girl to know that you ask your man a question and then give him what you decided on in the first place.
He gets one lump of sugar.
A devious Misty explains that Brock is a great guy who can cook, clean sew and even make his own Pokemon food. Temaku exclaims that he sounds like the perfect guy, and then explains her perfect dream of a perfect marriage with a perfect guy in a white tuxedo while she wears the Barbie High Fashion Princess pink dress of her dreams and they climb a giant set of stairs to a huge cake and cut it with a knife.
Brock just stares at her in complete shock, dismay, confusion and despair, prompting an angry Misty to grab him and haul him off. She goes into a rage at him, throwing baseball metaphors at him faster than an enraged George Steinbrenner. Perhaps she is using it as a euphemism for getting to third base (or further, she does suggest he make a home run!), perhaps not, but regardless, she makes it pretty clear to Brock that if he can't score with a mentally retarded love struck girl then he's doomed to the life of a virginal Japanese nerd.
The horror, the horror.
Misty explains that it is difficult to love someone when they don't love you back, and when Brock asks how she knows a million more AAMLers feel the need to break open a new pair of Haines.
The next day finds Daddy Science escorting the twerps around his home/research lab. He has fifty Pokemon already but plans to expand to make it possible for him to house over a hundred Pokemon. Temaku has a brilliant idea and decides that Daddy could use an assistant, and Brock is a super breeder!
(snicker)
Brock is still a stunned mullet and again an angry Misty drags him off by the ear, growling at him that he has to take his chance. He still isn't sure, telling her he thought it might be best if any long term relationship he set out on involved both parties being interested in the other.
But Misty isn't interested in this newfangled 'mutual love' concept of Brock's, she's Japanese after all and knows the other person always needs to be crying during sex. So she forces him back to Temaku who has amazingly lost height and now stands slightly shorter than her man. She hugs him and tells all about how she raised her Nidorina and if he had a Nidorino they could fall in love as well and that would be so cute and would he like to play barbies with her and put pink ribbons in his hair?
Well okay, not that other stuff, but still.
Anyway, a nervous Brock explains that he doesn't own a Nidorino, but Temaku thought of everything! She raised a Nidorino just on the off-chance!
It rushes out and nuzzles with the Nidorina, making Temaku go all gooey and Brock all nauseous, but before one of them can expel fluids from an orifice nets burst through the air and capture Nidorino, Nidorina, Pikachu and many other Pokemon as well.
Oooooh boy, you know what time it is now!
"Hahaha, prepare for trouble," cries Jesse from their basket high up in the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon.
"And make it double!" adds James. Both are wearing some kind of traditional, loose fitting Asian clothing.
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light,"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Meowth! Dat's right!" finishes Meowth, flipping into shot dressed in his own little robes, "Hi-yah!"
"I should have figured!" yells Ash.
"What are you wearing those costumes for!?!" demands Misty.
"Because we felt like it, twerp," replies Jesse tartly.
"Huh? asks Meowth, "I tort we were getting jobs at a Mongolian barbecue?"
Daddy Science demands to know what they are doing and Team Rocket explain the painfully obvious.
They're stealing Pokemon, duh!
But Ash is having none of it and sends out Totodile, which grins with mad delight as Arbok emerges to fight. Totodile splashes Arbok with a Water Gun Attack then sends it crashing back (happily it doesn't make Team Rocket randomly explode), so as Totodile dances with insane, manic need James calls out Weezing to make a Smog Attack to both cover their escape and hide them from the grim visage of Weezing, that which once was Koffing.
Ash coughs and stumbles about trying to see, calling for Pikachu as Temaku tries to find Nidorina and Nidorino. As she does, Team Rocket begin hauling in the nets that captured the Pokemon scant minutes ago, accidentally tripping Temaku in the gloom. Misty calls out Poliwhirl to use Bubble and clear away the Smog, but when the smoke clears we find Team Rocket in the air and making their escape.
Ash demands they return Pikachu and the other Pokemon, and for once his run and yell technique works as he looks down and notices Pikachu and the rest of the Pokemon are all still sitting there.
Daddy Science proves his Math Kung Fu is strong by confirming none of his Pokemon are missing, but it is Brock who notices the sudden vacuum where once a needy mentally retarded girl was.
Team Rocket have kidnapped Temaku!
Off in the forest Team Rocket have landed and are cackling over their haul. They pull on ropes to grab the nets containing the Pokemon they stole. But Jesse finds the rope for her net has snapped off, and when James hauls on his rope what should emerge but Temaku!
Standing confused in the basket of the Happy Buddha Face Meowth balloon, Temaku has no idea what is going on and neither does Team Rocket. She falls forward ten degrees out of the basket and James deftly blocks her with one arm to prevent her falling out. She turns and stares up at him.... then her eyes pop wide and she proclaims, "You rescued me, you're my knight in shining armor!"
"Who.... me!?!?!" gasps James.
Oh Jesus Temaku, who would have thought you could pick someone more unlikely than Brock?
She stalks towards him as a limp James minces backwards in fright. She tells him her name is Temaku and his name should be Madavusu! But James/Madavusu is even more confused than Brock, since he for one never had an interest in girls beyond what the latest fashion was.
"Imagine that?" asks a surprised Jesse, "James has himself a girlfriend!"
"Yeah," mutters Meowth, then double takes at the obvious universal flaw in that statement, "HUH!?!"
As James squeals in fright at the no-tail, Temaku decides that he should be her new fiance. Just the very word brings back to mind that walking vagina-with-teeth Jessebelle and that sends James off. He charges up the tree trunk in terror, Temaku following to explain about their perfect marriage with him in her pale blue dress to match his hair, him with glasses and a delightful white tuxedo.
Now as any Rocketshipper will tell you, Jesse and James are deeply in love and this can be plainly seen by the complete lack of any kind of indication they are anything more than best friends, nor in fact any subplot that you would normally see in the other 99% of anime. So of course when Temaku declares she is in love with James and wants to marry him, Jesse instantly complains to Meowth.....
Oh wait, no she doesn't, she just cackles evilly to Meowth that they'll marry James to Temaku and demand all of her father's Pokemon as a wedding present.
That's right, I almost forgot that Rocketshipping is a complete pantload of ass'n'balls.
"Don't you realise that I belong to Team Rocket!" insists James, slide/humping down the treetrunk as Jesse and Temaku discuss organising the wedding.
"Oh that's fine," grins Temaku, "I'll root for you at every game!"
"Listen!" snaps James angrily, "Team Rocket is a secret organisation dedicated to evil!"
"That's fine," Temaku beams, "Every husband should have a hobby!"
"AHAHAHA," laughs Jesse, slapping a hand down on Temaku's shoulder in front of a perplexed James, "What a girl! I'm delighted you're joining our little family."
"Me too!" giggles Temaku.
James of course, isn't, but Jesse could give a crap about his feelings. She has a plan, and drags him aside, insisting he play along so they can steal her Dad's Pokemon.
Reluctantly, James agrees to do what he has never felt any desire to do.
Go out with a girl!
Back at Daddy Science's mansion a good old fashioned search party has been called up, with Daddy Science distraught at his daughter having been kidnapped. Luckily Ash (who is a 13 year old crack baby) insists that they will find her, and any father would be glad to have Ash on the case. They set to find Temaku, Ash sending out Noctowl which quickly spots the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon and rushes off to let the twerps know.
Back home, Daddy Science is showing his concern and grief in the best way he can by sitting on a giant love seat. But the doorbell interrupts his grief and he angrily stomps to tell them to go shove their Amway up their asses. But what he finds aren't Mormons or door to door salesmen, but a tall man with blue hair, a suit and glasses, Temaku and a young lady with red hair in a bun and a suit dress.
Oh yes, the blue haired boy is Temaku's new fiance!
They explain that they heard cries of distress and found Temaku captured by vile members of the evil Team Rocket (so evil that in the fantasy they have white circles with r's on them for heads). James leapt into action and beat the ever loving crap out of the two Team Rocket members, and then.... he saw Temaku!
"It was perfect, beautiful, like something someone with an overactive imagination would dream up in her unfulfilled fantasies!" gushes Jesse, describing a billion Mary Sue fanfics and her own poor mind.
Well Daddy Science is grateful and pleased, but also confused as to where they got the Meowth.
"Team Rocket abandoned this poor, ignorant Pokemon, so we took pity on it," smiles Jesse.
Meanwhile Noctowl is bringing down the Happy Buddha Face Meowth balloon at Ash's request, but when they investigate the wreckage they find three smiling cutouts of Jesse, James and Meowth.
Ash has been pranked!
One of the rent-a-crowd searchers rushes up to inform them that Temaku is back, and she has a new fiance!
"That didn't take her very long," gasps Brock.
Back at Daddy Science's Mansion o' Love, Jesse and Meowth have found the storage room where the Pokemon are kept in their Pokeballs. They smuggle them all into Jesse's sack (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!) and are preparing to sneak out when Daddy Science bursts in and grabs Jesse by the arm, dragging her away with Meowth humping her leg in terror. But he hasn't come to bury Team Rocket, but to praise them. Temaku has made a dinner fit for a King (or in James' case, a Queen) and Jesse and Meowth eagerly jump in to chow down. As Temaku invites Jesse and Meowth to visit whenever they want, James kicks Jesse's shin and asks if they can't leave. But Jesse knows that it would be bad manners before her plate is empty, promptly asking for seconds when her plate empties. A miserable James waits for Meowth and Jesse to eat their fill when suddenly!
"What's going on here?" roars Ash, bursting into the dining room of somebody else's house to demand answers to questions that were never asked. Exactly why he is in such a suspicious, demanding mood is never explained, because for once they see straight through Team Rocket's disguises.
Or rather, Misty does as she stalks up to Jesse and peers her up and down, then whips away Jesse's glasses. Obviously these were holding Jesse's bun in place (???) because her long hair bursts out, instantly marking her as Jesse of Team Rocket.
Brock is shocked and dismayed, Temaku is his! HIS! When Misty questions this, Brock points out rather sadly that, "I know, but if she's good enough for James, she's good enough for me."
Jesse's sack opens and her balls fall out (Da Gutta, your minds, out), alerting Daddy Science that shenanigans are afoot. Team Rocket make a break for it, changing into their costumes along the way with the twerps giving chase and Temaku coming soon after, positive this is all a mistake.
Ash sends out Chikorita after Team Rocket who lose the sack of Pokeballs in the ensuing chaos as Weezing tries a Smokescreen which Poliwhirl blocks with WaterGun. Arbok is tackled by Chikorita but then Temaku enters the fray to defend her 'love', James. Nidorina tackles down Poliwhirl but when Misty tries to hit James with a Watergun from Poliwhirl, Temaku pushes him out of the way and takes the full force of water to her chest and face.
Spring break!
She collapses as Chikorita vine whips Arbok and Weezing together, knocking them out and on top of Jesse and James. Then Poliwhirl and Pikachu combine for their ultimate attack, Poor Animation!
The resulting explosion from the kinetic potential energy of Ub Iwerks spinning around in his grave sends Team Rocket blasting off again, though for James at least, he's still single.
Temaku is taken back to Daddy Science's Mansion o' Love, where Daddy Science explains that Temaku recently attended a wedding with him and has been infatuated with the idea of getting married ever since. Brock listens to this story and then proclaims that he loves Temaku, it just took him a while to realise it.
Well, all things being equal and the universe being a jerk, the moment Brock falls for any girl she is going to instantly forget he exists. As Temaku awakens with a caring young Doctor (a Doctor, honey) hovering over her and a desperate Brock to his side, Temaku proclaims that she loves the Doctor and he.... he proposes to her right there and then!
Well Daddy Science seems pleased with this predator taking advantage of his brain damaged daughter (a Doctor, honey!) and the twerps are kicked out with a cheerful wave and set off on their way towards Olivine City once again.
With Brock dejected you may wonder if the twerps are ever going to get to Olivine City, but of course when Misty and Ash suggest he'll soon find another girl to stalk he cheers right up.... and starts running!
Yep, the twerps may be meandering towards Olivine City, but there is always one thing that can get any guy moving faster.
The idea that just that next town over the hill, there are woman sad enough and desperate enough to give a guy like Brock a leg over.
Amen!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "I tort we were getting jobs at a Mongolian
barbecue?" "I know, but if she's good
enough for James, she's good enough for me." "Imagine that. James has himself a girlfriend!""Yeah........HUH????" |
|
