192: The Poké Spokesman
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Pikachus fat ass should do the trick!
The chubby little Pokemon is waddling along behind Ash but looks to be absolutely knackered. They stop to check it out, Ash saying that Pikachu looks weak (at least he didn't say weak and soft) but Pikachu disagrees, jumping up and flexing its pudgy little mucles before dropping down again, obviously exhausted. Brock thinks that maybe it is tired from waddling through the mountains all day long, but a mysterious stranger suggests otherwise. They see a man sitting on a rock facing away from them, and when he turns....
OH GOD THE WRINKLES! THE WRINKLES OH GOD NO!
Yes it is a VERY old man dressed like a hippy trying desperately to age gracefully. He tells them that the minerals in the ground around here absorb electric energy, which is probably what has it so tired. He walks up to Pikachu and starts speaking to it.... in Pika-Speak! Pikachu's ears prick up and everyone else watches as they engage in a conversation, then the man invites him to his nearby shack (RUN CHILDREN! RUN!) and explains that it just so happens that he speaks fluent Pokemon.
That's right folks, the twerps have just met....
The Poke Spokesman.
Back at the shack, there are already three people sitting outside. Three old men, one who is very short and has peculiar ears and whiskers, and another with surprisingly large, firm breasts for an old man.
HANG ON A SECOND! THAT'S TEAM ROCKET!
Yes Team Rocket are sitting outside the shack, Jesse and James having a cup of tea, Meowth eating shish-kebab, all three wearing grey robes with long grey beards attached without bothering to hide their natural hair colour on top.
Jesse and James are enjoying their tea, especially as they got the senior citizen discount for it. But they're almost out of money now and need to think of a way to make some more. Meowth swallows his shish-kebabs and then they notice the old hippy bring the twerps that way. They know they must hide, and so dive underneath the bench they were sititng on (which is about one foot off of the ground!), disappearing entirely into the shadow underneath it, which is rather impressive.
The hippy gets to the shack (rest stop, as he calls it) where he directs Ash to a bicycle hooked up to a generator that Ash can use to recharge Pikachu until they get to the bottom of the mountain and the nearest Pokemon Centre. With shades of Showdown At Pewter City, Ash begins cycling to charge up Pikachu while Brock, Misty and the Poke Spokesman settle down on the bench Team Rocket are hiding under. When Brock tells the hippy that Pikachu is their only electric type, he comments that he can't charge them too much for charging only one Pokemon. They are shocked to realise that he expects money, and he explains that yes he charges for use of the bike and rest stop, as well as charging for Pokemon Interpretation which is, after all, a unique talent. However, since he forgot to tell them he charges (and they so clearly love to freeload) he won't charge them this time.
Listening under the bench, Team Rocket are clearly interested in the fact that the soil here drains Pikachu.... which means Pikachu is weak.... which means....
"Prepare for trouble!" cries Jesse in an old mans voice after she, James and Meowth pitch the bench over and Brock, Misty and the hippy with it, "Whatever you do."
"I know I know," sighs the hippy, interupting before James can continue, "Just give me a second and I'll make you another pot of tea!"
James snorts steam from his nose (wow!) and grunts, "I'm afraid that a pot of tea will not prevent trouble from brewing!"
"We don't want tea old man, we want that Pikachu!" yells Jesse.
"Pikachu may be low on energy," roars James, "But we're full of it!"
They tear off their phony beards and robes (well the robes weren't phony) and it is at THIS point and this point only that Ash realises it is Team Rocket. He jumps off of the bike to fight Team Rocket but they get distracted when Meowth whispers in a huddle to the others that the old hippy can apparently talk to Pokemon. They ask him if it is true and he insists it is, going over to talk to Pikachu who talks back. Meowth tries to listen in and see if the Poke Spokesman can actually do what he says, but they're too far away to hear. It tries to talk to Ash too (who in the early run of the show seemed capable of understanding him) but falls over in exhaustion and the hippy tells it not to tire itself out as few humans are capable of understanding Pokemon.
And apparently neither is he, according to Officer Jenny, who shows up calling the hippy - Simon - a fraud and scam artist. She tells him she has recieved complaints about a man charging for 'Pokemon Interpretation' which is clearly a scam. Simon insists that he CAN do what he says while Brock moans happily at seeing Jenny, who insists that Simon must be scamming, as the only way to prove he is telling the truth is to ask a Pokemon, that can't of course talk back. Jenny then insists that Pokemon CAN'T understand human speak (WHAT?) and Team Rocket laugh at her ignorance which of course makes her take notice of them. She thinks they look familiar.
"Oooh, you're mistaking us for some other criminals," laughs James, putting his hands behind his head and thrusting his chest out (!) while Jesse cocks a leg suggestively and says "That's right, and we're certainly not members of any horrible gang like Team Rocket!"
The words Team Rocket strike a chord in Jenny's lazy, donut soaked mind. She grabs out some photos she keeps of wanted criminals, sure she has finally found the case that will get her out of this dirtwater burb..... but something is wrong. The two Rocket members on her picture are wearing black costumes, and the man has green hair not blue, and the girl yellow hair, not red. As she looks back and forth trying to figure out if the court will accept her story about beating to death two criminals that look nothing like the picture she has of them, Jesse, James and Meowth turn and leg it.
Suddenly small missiles strike into the ground around them, blasting smoke out around the twerps, Jenny, Simon and Team Rocket. Jenny roars that the trio are obviously Simons accomplices, though he insists he doesn't know them. Ash accuses Team Rocket of firing the rockets that came from somewhere else and have affected Team Rocket as well, and Jesse angrily points out that they wouldn't fire rockets at themselves. Regardless of who sent it, it is a good cover for them to get away and Team Rocket make their escape. When the smoke clears Jenny is shocked to see they didn't just stick around waiting to be arrested, and Simon is gone too. It seems that he was just a fraud after all, and with Pikachu coughing up inhaled smoke, Jenny offers to take them down to the Pokemon Centre to get it healed properly.
They leave, watched by Team Rocket who are hiding behind rocks. They look off to the side and notice Simon being escorted away by three large looking men, and deduce that it was these men who fired the rockets at them. They decide to follow them.
That night, in a cabin in the woods, Simon finds himself facing one Godfather looking motherf****r. Dressed in a white suit and sunglasses, the big man (lets call him.... The Don! Capitalised and exclamationed like!) is running a Pokemon Interpretation Scam and thinks that Simon is his competition. But Simon insists that what he does is legit, he really can talk to Pokemon and he only charges so he can afford to keep his rest stop running.
But The Don! is unimpressed, and points out Simons quandary by saying that if he is legit, he should 'prove' it to the police, knowing of course that he can't. He explains that they interpret as well, but keep to the basics.
"Your Pokemon says you're an awesome trainer!" mocks one of the goons.
"Can I please have more Pokemon food!" taunts another goon.
"I'm a Pidgey! I like flying!" guffaws a third goon, who probably isn't in line to take over the operation anytime soon.
Listening through the window are Team Rocket, who like the idea of this scam. They too could scam trainers into thinking they understand what they're saying (ummmm..... Meowth DOES understand) though James thinks that a Pokemon wouldn't have anything interesting to say anyway.
Meowth scratches his face up in fury, insisting that all Pokemon speak with honour and integrity. The scammers are pretending to understand Pokemon but Meowth actually went to the effort to learn and understand humantalk.... and, unlike humans, Pokemon never lie.
Of course, as Jesse and James point out, he lies all the time. This fact strikes Meowth hard as he realises he is a liar, but before he learned to speak human he was honest and trustworthy.... why oh why did he ever learn to speak humanese!?!?!?!
A shout from Simon gets their attention, looking back through the window they see that he is refusing to ever work with The Don! But this of course puts The Don! in a difficult position, because of course they can never let him go.
Realising Simon is in problem and if they can get their hands on him he can work for them (since apparently Meowth can't translate Pokemon for them anymore?), Team Rocket sneak off to plan a daring rescue.
Meanwhile in the Pokemon Centre, Pikachu is having its electricity recharged, and Nurse Joy tells them it'll be fine by morning. Officer Jenny says goodbye to the twerps who thank her for the lift. Ash stands staring at nothing for a bit, then gets a headache with pictures....
Matt Groening is preparing legal papers against Dodgemaster Tim as we speak.
....and gets the idea to call Professor Oak. He was worried Oak would be asleep, but it's more likely that he was just in bed.
.....you know.... in BED....
.........with Ash's MOTHER!....
..............HAVING SEX!
SEX!
Hope you picked up on the subtle hints being made just then.
Anyway, Oak is up and studies through some documentation to answer Ash's question. Apparently in folklore and fairytales there have been people who could talk to Pokemon, but there are no actual living documented cases. They say goodnight and Ash ponders to himself that maybe Simon was lying after all.... and the man himself suggests that maybe he was.
Yes apparently Simon has escaped The Don! and is on the way to the police station to turn himself in. He just wanted to check on Pikachu first to see if it was okay. They go see the chubby little rodent and Simon whispers Pika-Speak to it, listens to its response and tells it that he's glad to hear it is feeling better.
The twerps are confused, can he REALLY understand Pokemon?
Apparently not literally, he just gets feelings or flashes of emotion that give him an idea of the basic concept of what the Pokemon is thinking/feeling. But there was a point, long ago, where apparently he was able to understand PERFECTLY what a Pokemon was saying.
Sixty years earlier (damn he's old!) he lived on a farm and one night a massive storm whipped up. A young Simon stood in the fields mesmerised by an approaching tornado until his father whipped him up and threw him into the basement, telling him to stay inside while he ran to check on the neighbours. He sat there crying, terrified the tornado would get his father, until three voices stopped his tears. An Oddish, Raticate and Pidgey that he can understand. They sit up chatting, Simon forgetting the storm outside and his possibly dead father as they shoot the shit for awhile, it being the most magical night of his life.
Picking he's still a virgin then.
The next day he was let out of the basement, the Pokemon seemingly nowhere in sight. The farm was destroyed and he never saw the Pokemon again, nor was he able to talk to Pokemon as he had talked to them. He admits it is possible the entire thing was imagined, but he never gave up trying to understand Pokemon and he truly believes that if you talk from the heart, they WILL understand you.
Pikachu emerges out onto the balcony they have been standing on and thanks Simon (Ash apparently remembering he can pretty much understand Pikachu) which gives him hope that maybe he can do what he says he can after all.... and then The Don! shows up.
Apparently Simon gave them the slip earlier using a machivallean plot and risking life and limb in a death defying feat of derring-do so incredible that it defies animation or even post-event explanation. But now they've come to get him before he can turn himself AND them into the cops. They call out several Magnemite and Magneton which begin sucking up energy out of the Pokemon Centre in preparation to attack. Nurse Joy charges out onto the balcony roaring at The Don! to stop, she has dozens of Pokemon that need electricity to power the machines healing them and keeping them alive.
The Don! doesn't care though, he means to blast Simon and take him away once again, and there is nothing anyone can do to stop him. Ash means to try though, but Simon stops him, telling them all he will talk to the Pokemon from his heart and hope that they understand.
The Don! just laughs, he's been keeping the Magnemite and Magneton hungry so that they NEED to have that sweet, sweet electricity, but Simon tries anyway. He steps forward and begins yelling to the Magnemite and Magneton that they must stop draining electricity from the Pokemon Centre. Watching from The Happy Buddha-Face Meowth Balloon, Team Rocket figure Simon MUST be a fraud since he is talking to them in human, not in Pokemon. But Meowth insists that they listen.
Simon waxes eloquent, telling them that many of the Pokemon will not survive the night without electricity, that even though they're hungry they mustn't punish the Pokemon for it and if anyone must be punished, it should be him. He speaks from the heart, imagining his old friends Oddish, Raticate and Pidgey in those life support units, and something he says strikes a chord with the Magnemite and Magneton.
Team Rocket have been struck as well, crying at Simons words. James moans that it is clear he cares, he really cares, and Jesse wonders what that must be like. Meowth explains that he spoke from the heart and it touched the Magnemite and Magneton like it touched him, as they have released the energy and dropped to the ground in front of The Don¹s! surprised eyes. Roaring in fury, he charges to kick the downed Pokemon but an electric attack from Pikachu blocks him, recharging the Magnemite and Magneton to full strength..... and boy are they pissed.
They blast The Don! and his goons, frazzling them enough to leave them unable to run when Officer Jenny and some back-up arrive. The prepare to arrest them and Simon steps up to face the music as well. He extends his hands to be cuffed when Jenny tells him Joy phoned to tell her what happened, but she simply salutes him and asks him to say hello to the Pokemon for her.
A shocked Simon is ecstatic, his name has been cleared!
Equally pleased are Team Rocket, they stayed up in the stormy skies instead of getting involved, so they were unaffected by Pikachus electric attack and weren't arrested by Officer Jenny. Their happiness is shortlived though, when lightning strikes their balloon and sends them blasting off again.
Some people just can't catch a break!
The next day Simon says his goodbyes to the twerps. He shakes Pikachus paw and then tells them he is going to give up Pokemon Interpreting. But they insist that he not, he may have gone 60 years without a breakthrough, but maybe the next one is just around the corner! With those words of encouragement they turn and go their seperate ways, the narrator suggesting that even if humans can't talk with Pokemon, they can certainly communicate.
But that kind of settling bullshit ain't good enough for Team Rocket, and they once again prove why they're more than your traditional 2-dimensional anime villains. Walking back up the mountain, Simon spots a Meowth sitting on a rock. He kneels down and tries talking Meowth to it, and it replies with human speak! Simon is shocked, asking if it is speaking Pokemon (and therefore proving he can understand it). Meowth tells him that it IS a Pokemon after all, tells him not to give up, and then rushes away as a shocked and pleased Simon realises that he just had the breakthrough Ash suggested he might!
He moves away with renewed confidence and hope, while higher up in hiding Jesse and James ask a pleased Meowth what it is like to be a good guy for a change.
And you know what? It feels pretty damn good!
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