189: The Wayward Wobbuffet
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Jesse grabs Pikachu from Ash's shoulder and pops him into the pod, which closes, seals and locks leaving Pikachu trapped inside. Ash is relatively pleased to see that their pod works but he really does need to get going (there are distractions to find on the road to the Johto League Championships after all) but only one key will unlock the pod, and none of them have it.... and not only that, they're TEAM ROCKET!
The twerps snap that they knew that (but let them take Pikachu anyway?) but they want Pikachu back. But now that Team Rocket have Pikachu they're not giving it up for anything, and a quick Smokescreen from Weezing allows them to make a quick getaway. The twerps give chase shouting for them to return Pikachu, but as Jesse rushes by a rock she passes the Pikachu-Pod to a hiding Wobbuffet, which has the key on a string around it's neck/chest/trunk thing.
The twerps catch up to Team Rocket and demand Pikachu back, but as Jesse says, how can they give them something they don't have! They don't have Pikachu and so they'll just be on thei....
"WOBBUFFET!"
Wobbuffet has stumbled out from behind the rock it was supposed to be hiding behind, holding the Pikachu-Pod and scratching the back of its head. A startled Jesse is furious, how could Wobbuffet give itself up like that! She yells at it to run and it turns to get away, tripping over a rock, losing the Pikachu-pod, falling into a nearby river and plunging over a waterfall and plummeting to its probable doom with the only key to the Pikachu-pod tied around its neck.
"That's rather unfortunate.... isn't it," whispers a surprised Jesse, blinking rapidly.
Indeed it is, but not for us Gentle Dodgers, because this is going to be one of the best damn episodes of Pokemon you will ever see, named by Jesse, James and Meowth themselves in the intro as....
The Wayward Wobbuffet.
Ash crouches next to Pikachu and tries to get the pod open, but it won't even budge, that pod is locked up tighter than..... a..... um..... really.... tight..... thing.... that's..... tight.
YEAH!
But anyways, Ash demands that Jesse and James hand over the key, but they really don't have it! They gave the only key to Wobbuffet and now its.... its..... its gone!
"I can't bear to think what fate may have befallen that wobbly blue blob!" cries James, Jesse biting her nails and agreeing as Meowth weeps sadly that they'll never see good old Wobbuffet again.... then demands they hand over Pikachu to them since they're obviously so grief stricken.
Ash is having none of it though, he wants that key and he means to have it.... and Jesse has an indecent proposal to suggest to him (nothing illegal though). Pikachu is trapped in the pod and while it is locked no food, water and most especially air cannot get in. Now if Team Rocket are able to get the key they can get the pod open, but in exchange Ash must hand over Pikachu. It is a devilish Faustian bargain, and Jesse knows she has Ash over a barrel in this instance. She ignores James' attempts to get her attention, eyes shut as she asks if they have a deal while she visualises her inevitable victory.... then opens her eyes and realises the twerps have long ago scarpered.
With a roar she demands that they get going and find Wobbuffet and that key before the twerps do!
And where are the twerps? They've rushed to the top of the waterfall and are trying to figure out a way to get to its base and then follow the river downstream. As they stand around trying to figure it out the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon floats overhead and Jesse reminds them once again of her offer, or their deal as she puts it. They will get Pikachu out but only if the twerps give Pikachu to them, a deal Ash is none to eager to take part in. Team Rocket float on, on the lookout for Wobbuffet who Jesse is convinced is bobbing along merrily downriver.
And Wobbuffet?
Well it's bobbing not so merrily downriver, looking none too pleased until it spots a cloud overhead that looks like a happy Jesse. It laughs its own name and claps its hands together with glee because it wuvs Jesse, but then it bumps into a large, slimy looking thing.... a Quagsire!
Yes the weird looking thing is settled into the water, a self-satisfied smile on its face as it longingly whispers, "Quuuuuagsiiiiire."
Wobbuffet leaps up and asks a series of questions involving repetitions of its own name, getting answers from Quagsire involving repetitions of ITS own name. The roundabout conversation surely can't be too informative, but Wobbuffet seems to get some kind of message and leaps out of the river and heads in the direction Quagsire is pointing. Quagsire for its part just settles down into the frothing water of its own farts and whispers its own name with glee.... and lord how we wish we were making this up.
The twerps have somehow gotten down the waterfall and ahead of the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon and spot Wobbuffet heading into the woods. They chase after with Team Rocket hard on their heels but upon entering the woods can find no sign of the patiently pleased Pokemon. But then they look up and spot Wobbuffet on a treebranch holding a vine, and suddenly it starts swinging Tarzan-style through the trees as an astonished Team Rocket and twerps look on.
"I never knew Wobbuffet was such a swinger," gasps Jesse.
Might explain that key around his neck!
They give chase with Brock taking the lead. He skids to a stop at the edge of a cliff, crying out a warning that he almost went right over the edge.
"The what!?!?" cries Ash, charging by and tumbling head over heels down the cliff-face. He crashes into the dirt at the base in a very dodgy position, Brock and Misty skidding down beside him. Jesse, James and Meowth crash face first into the ground beside them, Jesse leaping onto her knees and grabbing her ass while thrusting her chest forward.... albeit for very unerotic reasons, she's just severely damaged her spine again.
They begin to argue with the twerps about Wobbuffet, unable to figure out where he could have gotten to... and then notice Wobbuffet hanging from a treebranch. It spots Jesse and waves happily as she calls for it not to let go so, of course, it lets go and leaps towards her with delight..... as a truck swerves around the corner and zooms down the road towards them. Wobbuffet lands on the roof of the truck and clings on for dear life as it roars past the twerps and Team Rocket, who have flattened themselves against the side of the cliff. Jesse leaps back out and roars at the truck to bring back Wobbuffet while James poses very dramatically against the cliffside. Then a number of police cars turns the corner and a panicking Team Rocket 'cheeses it' as the lead car pulls up beside the twerps, the window rolling down to reveal none other than Officer Jenny.
She yells at them to get out of the way, she has to catch that truck! But Ash cries that they have to catch the truck too and beg her to let them come along for the ride. She gasps for no apparent reason then jeopradises the lives of civilians but taking them along with her on a dangerous police chase.
Inside the car she explains that she is in hot pursuit of Gonith, the master thief. Brock seems to have heard of him, apparently he is notorious for sneaking into banks and using Golems to smash the place up and steal everything in sight. Jenny has almost caught him before but he got away (perhaps some of the stolen money went 'missing' too, huh Jenny?) and she will not let him get away this time. She calls ahead to an upcoming bridge where a roadblock has been set up on the only road that Gonith can possibly take.... this time the crafty criminal cannot escape, this time victory shall be Jennys!
But Gonith himself seems less than concerned. The monocled, top-hat wearing Gonith drives his truck with a grin, proclaiming in his Russian voice (first sign of a criminal!), "Those cops are so thinking they catch me so easily but I'm leading them on vild ghost chase!"
"WOBBUH! WOBBUH!" proclaims Wobbuffet, leaning over the windscreen from on top of the truck to stare in at Gonith.
"WAAAH! A BABUSCHKA!" screams Gonith obscurely, "GET OUT OF VINDSHIELD!"
He hits the wipers which begin smacking into either side of a confused Wobbuffet as they approach the roadblock ahead of them.
"I VILL GRAB YOU WITH MY OWN HANDS!" roars Gonith, head poking out of the window as he takes swipes at Wobbuffet, then spots the roadblock ahead and hits the brakes far too late. The truck smashes through the police cars and continues on, Wobbuffet knocked back off of the windshield and once again gripping onto the roof for dear life.
Jenny pulls up at the crashed roadblock to check everyone is okay (she has to fill out forms if anyone inconveniently gets killed in the line of duty) then calls through her CB to block off the town Gonith has just entered. Inside the town bridges lift and lock while the police quickly catch up to Goniths truck, which is forced to brake as it reaches a raised bridge.
The Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon floats overhead, Jesse calling out to Wobbuffet which spots her and leaps up and down happily because it WUVS Jesse. Officer Jenny pulls up behind the truck and leaps out, calling for Gonith to give himself up.
"If you are thinking you catch Gonith so easy, police lady, think again!" smirks Gonith, pushing a handy button with a Golem on it. The truck roof opens, Wobbuffet crying out in alarm as its legs are parted and it struggles to keep balance and then falls inside. From the truck emerges a..... Golem Balloon! Gonith sails out from the truck in a wicker basket, laughing at the defeated police below him.
"HAHAHAHA-HA! The Great Gonith bids you bye-bye!" he taunts.
"WOBBUFFET!" agrees Wobbuffet, popping up beside him and saluting.
"ARRRH! WHAT YOU ARE DOING UP HERE!?!" cries a surprised Gonith.
"WOBBUFFET!" explains Wobbuffet.
Shocked and dismayed, Gonith tries to grab Wobbuffet which dodges aside time and again until Gonith snaps and makes a lunge for a frightened Wobbuffet. The patient blue blob glows red with Counter and Gonith is sent flying out of the basket and crashing into the ground, doing severe spinal damage.
But the police know that Gonith is a tricky bastard and multiple fractures of the spine may be a clever ploy to lull them into a false sense of security, so they pile on in a very dodgy looking 'gangbang-esque' situation while Jesse cheers for the defeat of any villain more successful than her.
The trouble now remains though that Wobbuffet is on that Golem balloon and nobody is controlling it.... and it sails away from them as down below Pikachu finds itself with less and less air and more and more of a chance of a humiliating death by auto-erotic asphyxiation.
Still if you've got to go out, you might as well go out messy.
Team Rocket are not in the same quandary though, chasing Wobbuffet in the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon and quickly catching up. Jesse has finally thought of something she should have seen ages ago and uses her Pokeball to call back Wobbuffet.... except the Golem Balloon swerves out of the way. James pulls their balloon closer but the Golem Balloon swerves again, a fact James is quick to point out when she tries to blame him for missing Wobbuffet. They pull a little closer and once again Jesse tries, but the Golem Balloon swerves again and the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon snags the side of a tower, tearing a small hole loose. Meowth scrambles up the side of the balloon and jumps onto the hole, covering it up and saving the day..... until Wobbuffet leaps out of the Golem Balloon and smashes into the top of the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon, puncturing an even bigger hole in it and sending Team Rocket blasting off again!
And Wobbuffet in the other direction.
Elsewhere in the town, Ash is getting ready to make a futile effort to smash the indestructible pod Pikachu is trapped in. He has a giant mallet and swings it mightily with his puny muscles, smashing into the pod with absolutely no effect, while inside Pikachu tries to avoid the growning numbness in its brain and tingle in its crotch.
Suddenly overhead they hear Wobbuffet and looking up seeing him flying through the air towards the raised bridge where Gonith was caught earlier. Ash calls out Chikorita and has it use Vine Whip to wrap a vine around Wobbuffet, arresting its flight and sending it falling over the bridge. It crashes into the side of the bridge and spins free from Chikoritas vine. Dazed and confused it drops towards the river.... and crashes into a speedboat, knocking the pilot free and zooming down the river out of sight as astonished twerps stare after it and the shocked pilot roars for the return of his speedboat.
Speedboat, key around the neck, swingers, russian criminals.... this ain't Pokemon, it's MIAMI VICE!
And yes, it even has the down and out criminals, as we find Team Rocket sitting dejectedly by the tree where their Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon crashed. James and Meowth lament the loss of Wobbuffet AND their chance to capturing Pikachu, while a miserable Jesse fills the void while shouting Wobbuffets name and doing a remarkably good Wobbuffet-face impersonation.
But their dejection may be over, Wobbuffet speeds by on the speedboat speedingly, the twerps running alongside the river and surprisingly managing to keep up. Team Rocket leap up and run along on the other side of the canal/river, yelling for Wobbuffet to hit the brakes of something.... but Wobbuffet is still knocked out from when Chikorita's vine slapped it into the side of the bridge.
Ash leaps from the side onto the boat, landing at the same time as Jesse who makes a remarkably athletic karate kick at him. The jostling wakens Wobbuffet who gleefully turns around to shout its own name at them.... holding the broken steering wheel in its clublike hands.
Oh dear.
A panicking Jesse and Ash realise they're screwed, demanding that Wobbuffet pull back on the throttle rather than doing it themselves. Wobbuffet reacts immediately, slamming the throttle forward and tearing it free from the instrument panel (damn, Wobbuffet be strong!) which sends them zooming forward, Ash and Jesse hanging on for dear life.
Elsewhere in town, a police-bike twists dangerously around the corner and charges forward, followed by many police cars. On the bike is none other than Gonith! It turns out that the multiple fractures of the spine WAS a clever ploy to lull the police into a false sense of security!
"Next time don't leave motorcycle running flatfeet!" chuckles Gonith, speeding away.
Back on the river Ash and Jesse scream at a gently floating Lapras Cruiseship to get the hell out of their way, but it's too late and they ride up the curved side of the ship and go flying through the air over a small bridge. Wobbuffet falls out of the boat and lands firmly on the back of Gonith's bike as it zooms over the bridge, startling the Russian criminal who curses something bizarrely foriegn sounding that may or may not be offensive swearing. On the river Ash and Jesse realise that Wobbuffet is gone and, not only that, they're rapidly approaching the hard brick wall of another bridge that is going to bring them to a sudden hard stop.
Ash calls out Totodile that dances with insane glee on the front of the speedboat. It then uses Water Gun against the wall while held in place by Ash who is braced by Jesse. This of course manages to turn off the speedboats engine....
???
....and Jesse and Ash get to live another day.
They reassemble with Brock, Misty, James and Meowth to try and figure out what happened to Wobbuffet, but sadly Brock and James already know.... Gonith has taken Wobbuffet hostage!
Yes as Officer Jenny explains to Ash (Team Rocket hiding out of sight of the police), Gonith has holed up in a horrible old building and demanded a helicopter to help him escape, and in return he will let Wobbuffet go. Watching from the bushes, Team Rocket tries to figure out how to get ahold of Wobbuffet, Jesse eventually coming up with a brilliant plan.
Inside the building, Gonith has his Golem out (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA) and is watching the police from the window.
"Those policeses taking long time getting our helicopter," he mutters, aggravated by the silence outside as compared to the constant utterances of, "WOBBUFFET!" inside.
"Shut up your mouth!" he demands of his hostage, "I do talking here!"
Outside the building, Ash is tired of waiting so they go to look around the back, which is apparently the bit the police aren't bothering to watch. They spot a hole behind the building, which can't be a good sign.
Inside, Gonith, Golem and Wobbuffet hear a noise and turn to see the floor explode upwards into smoke.
"What is going down up here!?!" demands Gonith.
"Prepare for trouble and bitter regret!"
"If you don't give us back.... Wobbuffet!"
"To protect the world from devestation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"We're Team Rocket, blasting off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight."
"Meowth, dat's...." starts Meowth.
"WOBBUFFET!" interupts Wobbuffet happily.
"GOLEM!" insists Golem, sliding in front of Wobbuffet.
"Team Rocket, huh?" grunts Gonith, "Well climb back in your capsule and take off!"
But Team Rocket are not going anywhere without Wobbuffet! "I'm not giving to anybody back this wobbedlygook to anyone lady," smirks Gonith, monocle firmly in place.
WOBBEDLYGOOK!
But this isn't an ultimatum, this is a deal! Yes Team Rocket have dug a secret escape tunnel and they offer it to Gonith for his escape.... if he gives them Wobbuffet.
Oh yeah, and any spare loot he has hanging around as well.
But Gonith just thinks they are outside of their mind, but he will make use of that tunnel, whether they like it or not. But Ash doesn't like it either, he leaps out of the hole with Totodile (apparently Brock and Misty couldn't be arsed) and prepares to do battle. Golem leaps to tackle Totodile who uses Water Gun to knock it back, so it uses Double Team to surround the mad little reptile, then a triple Dynamic Punch that smacks Totodile over next to Wobbuffet. Golem then prepares to Tackle to finish things off but Totodile wisely hides behind Wobbuffet which uses Counter. Golem struggles against the Counter and is then sent crashing backwards, the force of the Counter snapping Wobbuffet's bonds as Golem crashes into Gonith and smashes him through the window to outside where the police pile on for another gangbang.
No wonder Gonith is always escaping!
But Team Rocket take their opportunity to escape, running upstairs and jumping into their prepared Wobballoon! Yes a giant Wobbuffet balloon (with an oddly placed gaspipe) that floats up into the air with Jesse, James and Meowth inside and Wobbuffet safely inside its Pokeball. They tell the twerps that this time they will have to chase THEM! And Wobbuffet pops out of its Pokeball to agree!
Ash spots his chance and calls out Noctowl, which smashes through the balloon and sends them falling through the air. Wobbuffet turns as it falls, the key around its neck slipping free and falling towards the ground as Wobbuffet cries out its own name in super slow-motion. James also takes a slow-mo grab at the key and misses it, then Meowth has a go and then Jesse, but they all miss. Ash jumps for the key but Jesse is going to get there first!
Until Wobbuffet falls on top of her head and sends her crashing hard into the ground as Ash grabs the key to Pikachu's freedom.
Surely it is too late though, for the last few hours Ash has been carting Pikachu around in an airtight pod and surely it has been becoming harder and harder to breath, surely Pikachu has been feeling the numbness in its brain and tingling in its crotch as asphyxiation sets in to give it one last blast of pleasure before death. But no, seemingly Pikachu hadn't blown its load just yet. But with freedom it is time to let it all out, it's felt the pressure and you can tell, it has had all that pressure on it but no release, no release, no release and..... and..... it lets rip with a giant blast of Thunder Shock and sends Team Rocket blasting off again!
Ahhh, sweet release.
Officer Jenny steps onto the roof and thanks Ash for helping them to capture Gonith, who has had all that sassy Russian criminality beaten and screwed out of him. The twerps bask in a salute from Officer Jenny and then set off on their way to the next distraction before Olivine City.
But what of Wobbuffet? How has it recovered from its day of Miami Vice-esque crimefighting? Of speedboats and trucksurfing and being taken hostage and riding down the river and meeting slimy farting Quagsires? Well Wobbuffet seems well pleased, standing on the top of a bridge looking dramatically out over the city at night and ignoring Team Rocket's cries for help as they grasp onto bridge supports for dear life.
No, Wobbuffet just ignores them and stares out over the city, knowing in its heart of hearts that today it may have been a wayward Wobbuffet, but it also had a great adventure and, most importantly, in true 1980's Miami Vice fashion it saved the day by stopping a Russian criminal.
Dirty Commie.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "I can't bear to think what fate may have befallen that wobbly blue
blob!" |
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