185: Spring Fever
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Sitting amongst the barren rocks they eat riceballs (or donuts perhaps?) as....something.... watches from behind a rock.
Suddenly it strikes! Before Misty's astonished eyes a hairy brown watermelon charges her. She drops her riceball in a panic and the bizarre furry fruit stuffs its snout into her riceball and begins to eat. Two more watermelons rush in and all three begin to gently nibble at the riceball as Todd takes pictures...
Christ we hate Todd.
...and Ash comments on how greedy they are.
And what exactly are they?
"Swinub," explains Dexter,"The pig, Pokemon. The Swinub has an, extremely, keen sense of smell, which it usually uses, to find, food."
Well Misty thinks they're cute anyway, as cute as a legless furry watermelon can be anyway. But the little girl that comes charging in seems less impressed with the three gluttons. She apologises for their rudeness but not for the horrible shirt she is wearing (it has an egg on it!) and introduces the three Swinub with the worlds most original names ever.
Suw, Ine and Ub.
Oh sweet Jesus.
Everyone introduces themselves, Todd oddly not screaming that he's a photographer in case nobody guessed. Apparently the Swinub do not belong to Peggy - the little girl - but to her father, Rory.
Rory is a real mans man, but not in a James way. He has a big beard and looks scary like all fathers are supposed to. He works in the mountains for The Man, going around looking for hot springs for a Resort Hotel company that then build over the hot spring and charge tourists big bucks to get a hot bath. But the last few months it seems that Rory has had trouble finding springs. Usually the Swinub can apparently smell the hot steamy water....
Water has a smell?
....but recently they haven't found anything. But maybe that has all changed now as suddenly the Swinub begin sniffing around and excitedly hone in on one particular spot. Rory calls out a Graveller, a giant Rock-Type that begins digging where the Swinub indicated.
Watching the proceedings from a ledge off in the distance is none other, of course, but our beloved Team Rocket! James and Meowth are curious as to what is going on but Jesse is ecstatic. She waxes lyrical about how great hot springs are. She loves nothing more than to relax in a lovely hot spring, then jump into a sauna for a steam before leaping back into a hot spring. A sarcastic Meowth seems bemused if nothing else at Jesse's hot water lust, but she snaps back at him that from now on they're going to be on the look out for hot springs!
"But Jesse, we're here to take Pokemon, not baths!" whines James. Jesse then commits a cardinal sin against Nintendo and insists that not everything has to be about Pokemon. She wants to find a hot spring and then open a quaint little tourist trap called Jesse's Lodge.
James seems a little offended by that so Jesse reluctantly adds James' name to the lodge as well.
"Hey! Don't feggit about me!" complains Meowth.
"Jesse and James and friend!" growls Jesse.
"Dat has a nice ring to it," grins Meowth.
As Wobbuffet appears from nowhere and just stands around, Jesse rushes off to HELP the twerps find a hot spring. Meowth comments that Jesse seems to be hot for those hot springs and James is just glad that they don't fly off the handle at any old thing...
"WOBBUFFET!" announces Wobbuffet happily, sending James and Meowth flying off the handle. James demands that Wobbuffet not do that again so Wobbuffet happily announces its own name in agreement.
Meanwhile Rory is playing with his loser Swinub and giving them and Pikachu treats while Peggy explains to the twerps that they have had to abandon their last two jobs when they failed to find any hot springs. But at that moment help arrives in the form of a slim man and woman in khakis wearing sunglasses. The male has blue hair and an effeminate voice, the female has long swept back red hair and a masculine attitude.
Who these strangers could be!?!?!
Apparently the 'boss of the resort company' sent them, they're here to help Rory find a hot spring. Rory is ecstatic at having his ability called into question and they all immediately set to, with the twerps helping out as well. Everyone digs holes as the Swinub sniff around and try to find hot steamy water. Meanwhile the blue haired digger (who has made odd comments about digging traps and been silenced by his female colleague) begins to despair of finding a hot spring, and the redhead seems to agree. Rather than keep digging, she figures they can just steal the Swinub.
HANG ON A SECOND! Since when does any large powerful multinational employ people of questionable morals!?!?! Nothing about this adds up at all, why this must be.... TEAM ROCKET!
Yes, hold back your shock gentle Dodgers, those two weren't sent by the boss of the resort company at all. It is really Jesse and James and they're up to no good! Jesse orders James to steal the Graveller while she gets the Swinub, but when James complains about how heavy the Graveller is likely to be the plan gets switched. Jesse walks over to Rory and tells him she may have found a hot spring location, she just needs to borrow Graveller to do the digging. Rory happily sends Graveller off to help her but once they're behind a rock Jesse has Graveller half into a sack and is trying to drag him away. Meanwhile James has convinced the greedy little Swinub that he has a sack full of goodies....
Mein Gott.
....and they all crawl in to get some. He traps them inside as Jesse returns, having given up on getting the Graveller.
"Hardhat one to furball," James calls into a walkie-talkie, "Piggy package ready for pickup."
Meowth is waiting off in the distance with a bobsled (of course, it just makes sense) and prepares to come get them. But a complication ensues when Peggy walks over the rise and sees James crouched over his sack admonishing the Swinub to stay inside.
Sacre Bleu.
Peggy calls the others over and Rory demands to know who they are, which of course is the cue for a little hot motto action.
"Prepare for trouble, coz we dig Pokemon."
"That's why we're stealing your three pig Pokemon," James rhymes lazily.
"To protect the world from devestation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket, blasting off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Meowth, dat's right!" cries Meowth, flying by on a bobsled that Jesse and James jump into, speeding them away at not quite the speed of light.
Well Ash ain't going to let them get away that easy, he and the others give chase on foot.... and fall into a trap dug by Team Rocket earlier when they should have been digging for hot springs.
Climbing out as Team Rocket get away, Ash has a brilliant idea, he'll jump into a cardboard box from that big stack by that cabin over there and catch up to Team Rockets well designed, aerodynamic bobsled.
Everyone jumps into boxes and give chase, the flat blocky and easily damaged material giving the twerps the advantage they need to catch up to Team Rocket, who are handicapped by obeying the laws of physics.
"It's the dopebox derby!" cries James, spotting the twerps follwing them. Luckily Meowth has some super slippery oil, which surprises James (maybe they use the same brand?) which he pours onto the ground behind them, but the twerps dodge.
Why does Meowth have super slippery oil? Well apparently it is for cooking, cleansing (accompanied by a shot of a happy Jesse who has apparently oiled herself up and....
Oh my.
....and also restoring furniture!
They speed through a tunnel and burst out the other side shooting over a ledge and sailing through the air before crashing into the ground and continuing on their way. Meowth drops the oil and it leaves behind a large puddle. The twerps burst out not far behind and crash straight into the puddle, sending them spiralling off in circles.
Todd, who has basically been a 5th wheel this entire episode (and his whole life) suddenly becomes important. As he sails down the slope spinning around he spots what looks like Articuno flying towards a giant mountain raping the sky in the background. He whips out his little friend (his camera you sickos) and tries to get a photo of Articuno, but he spins completely out of control and crashes. The other twerps crash as well as Todd gets back up and tries to find Articuno again, but it has disappeared.
But it seems Ash and the others saw it too, reassuring him that he hasn't gotten lame-character madness just yet. They all stare at the giant, phallic mountain for awhile until Rory shows up to remind them that hey, yeah, Team Rocket still have those stolen Pokemon.
And those stolen Pokemon are being made to work! Yes Suw, Ine and Ub are some busy furry watermelons right now, hunting around looking for hot springs for Team Rocket.
It seems that maybe they're actually going to be useful for their new coldblooded masters though, as they excitedly bounce around a spot on the ground. James and Meowth get to digging, James confiding to Meowth that if Jesse hadn't given up on the Graveller they wouldn't be doing all this grunt work now..... and then they hit something. A burst of black liquid rips out of the ground as Jesse eagerly celebrates finally having a hot spring all her own..... but that water looks awfully polluted.
Ahhh, just their luck, it turns out its not water at all, just icky old oil. A giant gushing fountain of black liquid gold, of no use to anyone at all except for people who like being rich, rich as Nazis!
Hang on a second! Team Rocket like being rich!
Jesse and Meowth are ecstatic, finally they can have everything their hearts desire! Like a big puffy dress and parasol for Jesse, or a moustache for Meowth!(br) But James is sadly not as excited, he's taken a closer look and found out that all they've done is burst an oil pipeline.... and once the company finds out what they've done, they could quite possibly do some serious jailtime.
A vindictive oil company? Nah, never happen!
They take off in fright, watched from above by Noctowl which then returns to the twerps and leads them to Team Rocket. Ash of course demands that Team Rocket return the Swinub to Rory, and Team Rocket of course want to get their asses handed to them on a stick by Ash yet again before they do any such thing.
Totodile and Poliwhirl are called out to have a go at Arbok and Victreebell, which instantly goes for the standard "James' head" joke. "Get in there, not my hair!" cries James.
Rory calls out Graveller which tackles straight through Meowth to get the Swinub free. James calls out Weezing and Jesse exclaims that now their entire Pokemon lineup is there.... oh yeah, and Wobbuffet too, which pops out to remind Jesse it exists too.
But if this is meant to intimidate then it doesn't seem to work on the Swinub. They begin to growl, angry at Team Rocket for stealing them and forcing them to work without treats. Todd pulls out his camera and begins snapping photos (so what's new?) and suddenly a foot is in his way, Jesse posing VERY provocatively for him.
But Todd cements his place as the biggest loser on the planet by just walking away. Jesse is enraged, she used to be a successful model and shows the camera an ad that showed in all the big magazines... an ad featuring a watch and a forest way in the background, with a very small figure in front of the trees that may or may not be Jesse.
James wanted to see the ad too, and during the distraction apparently all of their Pokemon got the crap kicked out of them. Drastically trying to make a comeback, it's too late for Team Rocket as Ash and Misty get rid of Weezings Smokescreen and the Swinub do a Triple Tackle that sends Team Rocket blasting off again.
So the bad guys (the real heroes) are vanquished and all is right with the world again.... except Rory still hasn't found a hot spring. Hey by a remarkable coincidence guess what the Swinub find RIGHT THAT MINUTE!
With all the loose ends tied up, the twerps stare over at the phallic mountain far in the distance and agree to go along with Todd to try and find Articuno.
And so they leave, leaving Rory and Peggy behind. There are all kinds of things that could be commented on in this episode. From the resort company sending a man and his 8 year old daughter into the mountains alone, to the furry watermelons, to the gross environmental damage caused by Rory digging everywhere, to the oil pipeline damage to the giant phallic mountain to Jesse posing naughtily for an uninterested Todd.
But none of those things are going to be discussed, because our minds are all focused on one thing this episode, just as they were last episode and will be next episode.
Only one thing is of any importance.
We fucking hate Todd.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Hardhat to Fur Ball - Piggy package is ready for pickup!" "There is nohing I love more than hot springs. Except money." |
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