184: Moving Pictures
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Todd is back.
Yes Todd 'Snap' McFuckstick, the jerkoff who invited himself along for several horrible, anus clenching episodes is back, and he ain't got any less irritating. Taking some of his generic, unimaginative photos of a couple of Bellossom, he hasn't noticed them yet, but rather than take advantage of the situation to get the hell out of there and finally make some forward progress towards Olivine City.... Ash approaches!
Or rather, trips up and slams hard into the ground like the twat that he is. Snap turns and takes photos of him and Pikachu tumbling over, then jokes that the shots were perfect and he can't wait till they get to see their expressions. No surprise over Ash, Brock or Misty showing up at all, just amusement..... he knew they were there.... he's been stalking them! He is THE DEBBIL!
In case any of us succeeded in scrubbing the memory of Todd's time with the twerps from their brains, we then suffer a flashback of their time together, back when they first met Cassidy and Butch then went their seperate ways, the twerps going to Cinnabar Island and Todd fucking off up to the mountains to try and screw unsuspecting Pokemon.
Misty asks Todd if he got any good shots during their time apart and he pulls out a photo album to show off some of his finer pictures. Most of them are vapid, cutesy crowd pleasers with no artistic merit at all. Pictures of Bellsprout, Gloom, Weepinbell and Hoppip show up, and Misty notes the number of Grass Pokemon in his little 'portfolio'. Proudly, Todd proclaims himself to have the most complete candid photo album of Grass Pokemon there is...... and now he really wants to take a photo of the legendary Ice/Flying Pokemon - Articuno.
Yeah, nice career segueway - you've put together a portfolio of Grass Pokemon and now you're making the logical step of going after a legendary Ice/Flying Type..... what's next? Walk up a flight of stairs and then climb the Mattahorn?
Ash looks up Articuno in his Pokedex and suggests that it would be a neat Pokemon, if only it was real.....
Ahem.... chosen one, Power of One, saving Lugia from Moltres, Articuno and Zapdos, national television coverage, talking Slowkings..... ring any bells Einstein?
Apparently not, but Todd has got a direct and reliable source..... some local kids told him some guys they know think they might have seen it!
Wow, Woodward and Bernstein, eat your hearts out.
Well regardless, since there isn't A FREAKING QUICKLY IMPENDING JOHTO LEAGUE TOURNAMENT COMING UP OR ANYTHING the twerps decide to stick around Todd and help him find a rumour so he can get a photo and be famous. It begins to snow as nature cries in horror at the presence of Todd and Togepi in the same area, and looking up they see a bright light flying across the sky. Maybe it's Articuno! Todd prepares to take a photo while a rather negative Ash suddenly decides it is more likely to be a deadly killer meteor sent by nature to punish them all...... and for some reason decides to save Todd. He slams him out of the way and the glowing object smashes hard into the ground, leaving behind a giant crater. Whatever it was, it wasn't an Articuno but it came down fast and hard and strong directly at them from a loooooong way up. They look inside of the crater and see to their astonishment..... a frozen Sunkern!
Yes the pre-evolved version of that bastardisation of Koffing - Sunflora.... but it doesn't fly so how the hell did it get all the way up into the sky and then achieve such velocity as to create a crater that size? What epic journey of heroes and villains, damsels and dragons, of hard leagues marched, of foes vanquished and friends lost has that Sunkern been on? Shall we ever know, or will it remain a mystery like how t.v stations can say they don't turn the sound up at advert time when they so clearly do.
Brock wraps the Sunkern up in a blanket and picks it up as Todd suggests they take it up to a lodge he saw atop a nearby hill, they leave and soon nature is back to its harmonious state, undisturbed by man or machine..... until suddenly Team Rocket pop out of the bushes nearby and start complaining.
The twerps have all the luck, Meowth whines, they found a COOL new Pokemon (PUN-ishment, wilst thou ever end?). Jesse and James simply retort that when they get their hands on Pikachu, they'll grab that Sunkern too!
Leaving our beloved Team Rocket far too soon, we rejoin the twerps as they rush to the lodge, where they meet an elderly woman busily sweeping. When they explain to her that they found a frozen Sunkern, she leads them inside fill a pan with hot water. They place the Sunkern inside and it boils and turns into popcorn, which they all eat and find to be a delicious treat..... oh wait, no it just wakes up and is fine. Todd apparently has embraced the dark science of cryogenics, as he suggests that the ice must have slowed down the metabolism of the Sunkern allowing it to survive. Misty watches the happy Sunkern enjoying the hot water and suggests it sounds like it is singing, while Brock belatedly remembers they haven't introduced themselves yet and quickly remedies this before any more dishonour can be heaped upon their ancestors broken shoulders.
The elderly woman introduces herself as Sophia, explaining that this place is known far and wide as the Sunflora Lodge, and of course Sunkern are the pre-evolved forms of Sunflora. She begins to explain to them why this lodge is known as Sunflora Lodge, but then correctly guesses that nobody wants to hear an old lady rabbit on about uninteresting crap.
But true to old lady form, she entrices them with food and drink and then declares that if they insist, then she shall tell them her boring life story. Ash hides a giant sweat bead on the back of his head and tells her they would love to hear her boring story, and she begins to tell them about 50 years ago..... when the world was young and those nice American soldiers had just come over to make sure their little country never tried to conquer the world again. Back then Sophia had a boyfriend (oooooooh) called Marcello who had to leave town to find work elsewhere, and would be gone for a few months at least. When he returned, he had promised to marry her, but she waited and waited for this young lothario and his empty promises, but the seasons changes, months went by, and he never returned or sent word. Just when it seemed that she'd fallen for the oldest 'I love ya baby let me and I promise we'll get married as soon as I get back from...... over there.....' trick in the book, she discovered that he had been in an accident and fallen into a coma.
And so one day he woke up and sent her a letter, telling her he would be back at the lodge the next day, and that he would respect it if she had found a new love, but if not he still wanted to marry her. He asked her to place a Sunflroa before the lodge so she ran out and asked every Pokemon Trainer in the vicinity for a Sunflora, and when Marcello arrived the next day the place was overflowing with them. Together again at last, they immediately married only for Marcello to pass away a few years later, because the accident had left him weak.
Back in the present day, the twerps are crying like little.... well.... twerps! Even Jesse and James listening through a hole in the ceiling are shedding tears, it was the most beautiful story they had ever heard.... why Meowth even says that had it been in Spanish, it would have been made into a telenovela!
Sophia shows them a picture of her, Marcello and the Sunflora on the day they got together, and when Ash suggests that she must miss her husband, a man comments that she doesn't miss him as much as one would think.
Looking over, the twerps suddenly notice there has been a man sitting in a rocking chair. He gets up and introduces himself.... he's MARCELLO! Yes apparently this old lady has no connection to reality, but is slowly being dragged down by either Alzheimers or Munchausens Syndrome. She loves romance novels and is constantly putting herself and her husband into the stories and then telling them to unsuspecting strangers. She tells Marcello that the story she told had everyone in tears and then they both cackle with evil old person laughter.
Well, as Ash says, if you can't trust an old lady, who can you trust!?!
Todd, ever the attention whore, wants to know if the Sunflora in the picture are real or just as much bullshit as the rest of her story. The untrustworthy Sophia says that they are, that during Winter the south slope of the mountain is quite warm and the Sunflora come back every year.... and have done so for the last 49 years. Every year Sophia and Marcello have a photo taken with the Sunflora, and she hands a photo album over to Todd containing each of the photographs. Looking through the amateurish, hackneyed photographs, Todd realises they are just as skilled as he is and tells them they are really good photos to cover up his own deficiencies.
Brock notes that this year will be the 50th, and thus should be their golden year. But both Marcello and Sophia don't greet this concept with much enthusiasm. When Todd suggests he could take the photo for them this year (whoop de smegging do) they tell him they suspect there will not be a photo this year. For some reason this year the south slope has been cold and for the first time in 50 years, there isn't even one Sunflora on the slop. But Todd insists, it is their fiftieth year after all and with or without a Sunflora they should get the picture taken (plus it means he can pretend to be Johnny McGoodCamera again) and they eventually agree.
Everyone heads out for the south slope, Brock taking Sunkern with him since it is the pre-evolution of Sunflora and might be able to find out what happened to them. Todd gets a departing photo taken and they leave, leaving Team Rocket up on the roof pondering when will be the perfect time to strike. The twerps will probably be busy trying to find Sunflora and the distraction should be enough to enable them to capture Pikachu.
Sophia, Marcello, Ash, Brock, Misty and Todd arrive at the south slope, a dark and gloomy looking place that doesn't seem to offer any warmth at all. Marcello tells them that only a few weeks ago, Sunflora were everywhere but now they're all gone. It begins to snow and Sophia is reminded of the first time they ever came this way.... they crossed a bridge and she slipped, Marcello catching her at just the last second. She told him to let her go but he refused, pulling her up to safety and hugging her.... just as he is now hugging her in the present. Misty is enraptured with the tale of love true..... but Brock is more sceptical, noting that if Sophia and Marcello had to cross a bridge to get to this point 50 years ago, how come they didn't have to cross one today?
Sophia has been sprung again, the lying old lady chuckling that they've caught her out. Ash is astonished and shocked, still trying to come to terms with how an old lady can violate his trust in such a way. Marcello tries to cover up for his wife, telling them that the events really did happen, just not to them or in this area.... but rather on a Reality TV show.
Reality TV folks, rots your brain and makes old ladies lie to you.
It begins to snow again and Brock comments that it really should be too early for it to be snowing. Misty guesses in a wild leap of logic that whatever is causing it to snow now probably froze the Sunkern as well, but she turns out to be wrong.... because the people making it snow are Team Rocket!
A giant machine with a snowblower fixed to the top comes driving over the slope, a large R painted on it that even the twerps are capable of interpreting. Team Rocket appear on the machine, saying their motto as Todd mocks them, suggesting that he would have thought they would have been gone from Ashs life by now.
Team Rocket, unlike anyone else in the show, don't pretend to like Todd and mock him, telling him to go infest a darkroom and calling him a shutterbug. Wobbuffet pops out, as it must, to salute and exclaim its name happily.
"Speaking of bugs, bug off!" snaps Jesse pushing Wobbuffet out of the way..... and straight into Todd's stupid camera obsessed view. He begins snapping pictures of the patiently pleased blue blob until Jesse gets in his way and asks if he's shooting a horror picture. Meowth turns a knob and sets off the snow machine again, blasting the twerps with snow and triggering another false memory for Sophia.
She begins to tell them of the time she and Marcello getting trapped in a snowstorm, and when she collapsed with weakness he refused to leave her, trying to keep her awake as...... but she doesn't get to finish, an exasparated Misty interrupting rudely to tell her it is a nice story, but they aren't going to believe it.
But Sophia can't resist and insists that a ranger found them later, frozen into two intertwined bodies of ice. Misty snaps at them to get back to reality, they're under attack and this is no time for old lady bollocks!
Meowth - at Jesses instruction - turns up the snow machine full blast and covers the entire slope in snow, including the twerps... they are buried and thus..... undetectable! A furious Jesse harangues Meowth for doing what she told him to and making it impossible for them to find Pikachu. He turns off the machine - again at her insistence - and the twerps pop out of the snow, remaining trapped but at least visible.
Pikachu tries to use a Thunderbolt, but its fat french ass is stuck in the snow and it can't get out! Realising their predicament, Ash calls out his MVP - Bulbasaur - to fix things for them. The surly Pokemon starts charging Team Rocket and Jesse snaps at Meowth to turn the snow back on again.... leading Meowth to complain of finger fatigue.... despite the fact he has paws!
Bulbasaur is buried in the snow which leads James to hit us with yet another memorable quote to make us laugh, sing and dance with joy.
"There's no job like a snowjob!" he quips.
"I'm da Abominable Snow Meowth," throws in Meowth for no apparent reason.
Jesse doesn't join in the PUN-ishment, instead sending out Arbok to fetch Pikachu. The fat little rodent attempts to fight again but lordy it's too fat and just sits there in the snow. Arbok grabs it and begins to bring it to her as Bulbasaur struggles valiantly to get free, but to know avail.
Suddenly Sunkern leaps from Brock's hands and uses an attack of its own, Sunny Day! The clouds part, the sun beams down, and the snow melts freeing Bulbasaur. Team Rocket begin to get a feeling that things are about to go pear shaped, they barely avoid a Solar Beam from Bulbasaur and in its rush to flee, Arbok releases Pikachu who escapes. Meowth fits a button and the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon appears to get them the hell out of there.
They tell Ash they would stay and battle but they're going to let him slide this time. Since they have just said they're going to leave and stop bothering them, Ash does the honourable thing and.... BLASTS THEM THE FUCK OUT OF THERE WITH A THUNDERBOLT!
Team Rocket are vanquished, the sun is shining, but there aren't any Sunflora here for the 50th anniversary picture. It looks like the old folks are just going to have to settle for a picture with one Sunkern. But as they prepare to take the photo, Brock remembers that Ash won a Sunstone in the Bug Catching competition. He sets it down by Sunkern and it immediately evolves into the desperately grinning Sunflora, which strains a smile out at the demands of the merchandising department of the Happy Nintendo Money Taking Corporation.
Sophia lies yet again, telling them that she wouldn't want any competition since the Sunflora are prettier than her anyway (okay that last bit is true) but then the Sunflora sends out a call and all the hundreds of Sunflora that were hiding umm..... well..... under that rock, yeah that'll do, that rock..... they all just show up. Soon there are hundreds of Sunflora present and Sophia and Marcello get into the original pose from 50 years ago. As he takes the shot an icy light moves by in the background.... Articuno? Or just a streak of hair on his camera lens?
Todd knows what he believes and some quick discussion leads to the decision to go towards the nearby icy mountain and investigate further. And so the twerps wave goodbye to the bullshitting old lady and the man who may or may not be her husband, and set off with Todd on yet another exciting adventure.
Bugger.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Well, our little photo-boy certainly has a hegative attitude." "If you can't trust an old lady, who can you trust?" "I wonder if she has any string cheese?""There's no job like a snowjob" |
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