181: All That Glitters
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Oh, no he's sitting down while Brock prepares a stew for them to eat. As Brock prepares the meal and Misty watches, Ash sits aside, crouched up, hand above his lap, cloth in hand, hand moving up and down, up and down..... has Ash discovered the joys of loving yourself!?!?!
No nothing so degenerate, his eyesight is safe for today at least as we find he is polishing his badges. Brock warns Ash that too much polishing will put a hole in it...... experience speaks it seems! Brock knows all about the horrors of overpolishing, as his squinty eyes will attest.
But as Ash polishes something watches from the bushes, three sets of eyes glimmering in the darkness, watching the pretty badges, the wonderful badges, the SHINY BADGES!
As they settle down to eat - Misty wondering if she can guess what is in Brock's incredible edible mystery soup this time - Pikachu notices something poking out of the bushes. They all look at three black feathered tails sticking out of the bushes. Brock - french maid that he is - suggests they look like feather dusters. Togepi is perplexed and staggers up to see what this mystery is, grabbing at a tail and tugging on it. Immediately three Murkrow leap out of the bushes, small black birds with large beaks and matching red bands around their tails. Dexter warns them that Murkrow are cheeky chappies that have a habit of taking people down the garden path and getting them lost. Of course these Murkrow seem happy and pleased and friendly and thus Ash assumes that Dexter must have it wrong. They all stand and watch as the Murkrow put on a little dance and show and then rush up, grab Ash's badges and fly away!
They land in a tree branch and laugh at the stupid, naive twerps who glower angrily at the thieving Pokemon. Ash calls out Noctowl which immediately uses Confusion to confuse the Murkrow, which drop the badges, Ash picks them up and they continue to Olivine City. It was a fairly boring episode but hey, there we go it's ov......
Oh.
Oh.
No Ash has Noctowl tackle the.... tree? Yes Noctowl tackles the tree and the Murkrow fall down and hit the ground. They lay there as Ash approaches to get the badges back.... and then they turn around, shove their asses in his face and brown muck suddenly flies into Ash's face!
No sadly Ash has not discovered the joys of a Cleveland steamer, but rather been hit by Murkrow's Mudskip attack. With Ash knocked down, the Murkrow fly away and Noctowl gives chase. Using Hypnosis it confuses the Murkrow who drop Ash's badges. He recollects them and they continue their journey to Olivine City. It was a fairly boring episode but hey, these th.....
Oh.
Oh.
No Ash just has Noctowl follow the Murkrow, which dart aside in different directions and use Double Team in conjunction to hit Noctowl from three different angles and send it plummeting towards the ground, saved only by Ash recalling it to its Pokeball.
The Murkrow fly off into the distance, settling down further off and happily admiring their catch. The sun glints off of the badges and the Murkrow get off on that, enjoying some hot badge glistening action. Meanwhile Brock remembers that he has Pokemon and calls out Golbat to use its Supersonic to detect the Murkrow. They follow the slackjawed Pokemon and find them celebrating the glory that is Ash's badges. Ash still figures that Dexter just got it wrong when it came to the Murkrow and approaches them to ask for the badges back. The Murkrow turn and look at each other, nod their heads in agreement.... and then attack! Slamming Ash to the ground and fleeing with cackling laughter.
Golbat gives chase and uses Supersonic to confuse the Murkrow who drop Ash's badges. He recollects them and they continue their journey to Olivine City. It was a fairly boring episode but hey, what can we.....
Oh.
Oh.
Rather than use Supersonic, Golbat uses the patented 'fly uselessly behind the enemy and then get your ass whooped' technique. It is a very effective long term move for tiring out the opposition by making them expend all their energy kicking your ass, but it really fails in the short term.
So in steps Pikachu, using Thundershock to shocks the Murkrow into dropping Ash's badges. And no joke this time, they finally did something intelligent and attacked the Murkrow. They prepare to retrieve them, Pikachu rushing forward and.... getting captured by a robotic arm that hauls it into the bushes!
Misty - a pale imitation of the fiery redhead we once knew - blandly states that it just isn't Ash's day.
"But today is our day so prepare for trouble!" cries a familiar voice.
"In honour of that you can make it double!" adds a male voice as the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon raises up over the bushes.
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight."
"Hey I got a bite!" chuckles Meowth as he reels in Pikachu.
"Hooray hooray!" laugh Jesse and James together, "Pikachu's the catch of the day!"
"Give me Pikachu!" roars Ash.
"I'm sorry," smiles Jesse sardonically, "That selection is unavailable."
"Pikachu is the Poke de Jour," explains James, holding his hands up, "And it's trs populaire!"
"Oui oui!" finishes Jesse.
"WOBBUFFET!" agrees Wobbuffet.
Jesse calls Wobbuffet back and then joins in the others making fun of Ash.... before they notice the Murkrow sitting on the side of the basket. They turn and an angry Jesse demands to know what the Murkrow want.... and they promptly let them know.
Earrings - one Murkrow tugs on Jesses ear trying to get it off.
Charm - another Murkrow pulls on Meowths charm.
A good time - another Murkrow tries to get James belt buckle off and his pants down!
Finally one of the Murkrow tugs on the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon and tears it, sending the balloon plummeting to the ground and leaving an injured Team Rocket crashed in the dirt and Pikachu free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty it's free at last.
Team Rocket crawl out from beneath the deflated balloon and as Jesse and Meowth grumble about the Murkrow, James moans and cries while lying on his stomach with his nether regions hidden.
But no it's not the love that dare not speak it's name....
HOMOSEXUALITY! (it dares to type its name!)
....but rather the fact that the Murkrow have gotten hold of his precious bottlecap collection. He fumbles into his pocket, threatens the Murkrow with an immigrants nightmare (white rubber glove) and then zooms ahead squealing and eeeeing at the Murkrow before he trips on a root and falls flat on his face.
The Murkrow fly away laughing as Ash gathers up all but one of his badges (the Fog badge) and then gives chase. James staggers to his feet with a grimace, declaring Jihad on the Murkrow, much to Jesse and Meowth's disinterest.
The twerps rush up after the Murkrow, which settle in on a clifftop where they laugh at Ash as he demands his badge back. Then James arrives fresh on the scene carrying.... a bazooka!
"Stand aside! You good for nothing bottle cap snatching pile of feathers you're going to pay!"
Yes James has gone for phallic symbolism and whipped out a big black bazooka to penis-envy the Murkrow into submission. He fires a missile from the bazooka that opens into a net and from above the clifftop they hear the Murkrow crying in dismay. Figuring he has caught them, James demands an uninterested Jesse and Meowth help him pull his catch down.... only it turns out to be a giant boulder that hits the cliff, bounces off, flies off hundreds of metres into the forest and pulls Team Rocket in a curve deep into the forest as well.
Ash explains that he MUST get those badges back! He won those badges fair and square and he has a video montage to prove it. He explains how those Pokemon like Noctowl and Cyndaquil and Scyther helped him to win his badges..... even though he never had a Scyther and in fact had to beat one down to get a badge.
Continuity, thou art a fickle mistress.
Calling out a Pokemon that he DOES have, the ever reliable Bulbasaur, Ash climbs up its Vine Whip and spies on the Murkrow. Deciding to sneak up on the Pokemon with 360 degree vision, Ash soon gets his ass handed to him on a stick by three little scrawny birds and sent back down the cliff. The Murkrow laugh and mock Ash because hey, it's not everyday you meet someone who can be outsmarted by a bird. But as the Murkrow mock, they notice in the bushes things glistening and shining.... why there are more shiny things to steal! They move down to see what is what and begin approaching the shiny things. Ash and Misty flee with their shiny objects to lead the Murkrow on a merry chase, only for Togepi to screw things up for them. The vile egg-leech type thingy may be strong in psychic energy, but it is physically weak and fails to pull a spoon out of the bushes and flee. So when Murkrow gets the spoon, it finds Togepi on the other end and immediately realises that something is up. Turning and warning its allies, they all see that Brock has gotten above them, lowering Pineco down on a rope to get at the Fog Badge. Brock quickly begins hauling up Pineco but it is too late. The Murkrow attack, Pineco exploding, knocking out the Murkrow and retrieving the Fog Badge. The twerps continue their journey to Olivine City. Not a bad episode in all, with some very amusing scenes and.....
Oh.
Oh.
Pineco just sat there and let them beat it. They knocked the Fog Badge loose and THEN Pineco exploded.
Well.
There you go then.
Ash is basically screwed, he just doesn't know what the hell to do. Here are these three miserable miscreants, these dirty denizens of the Pokemon underworld, causing trouble and making mischief for him. He just can't figure out how to get his badge back but finally hits upon the right idea. Use nature's debt collector.
A drug dealer.
Yes Noctowl is called back out and this time given carte blanche to do whatever it takes, by whatever means necessary, to get Ash his precious badge back. The pimpish Noctowl flies up and settles down amongst the Murkrow, which glare uneasily at their opponent. What is he up to? What is his plan? He isn't doing anything, just standing there, unmoving, statuelike, allowing them to walk around him, nudge him, even peck and pull at his wings and he just sits there, motionless. The Murkrow with the Fog Badge steps forward to peer incredulously at this odd Pokemon and.... PSYCHE! Noctowl whips the Fog Badge away from the thief and then retreats, flying off as the stunned Murkrow prepare to give chase.
Before they can get at Noctowl though, and before Ash can recall his Pokemon, a huge gust of wind strikes up and knocks them all about.
"Prepare for trouble this is one of our traps," laughs Jesse.
"Make it double I still want my caps!" whines James.
"Yeah yeah dey know da rest," grunts Meowth.
Team Rocket have returned in a giant Murkrow robot they just happened to have lying around (who doesn't) and are using giant fans in it's wings to suck up everything in sight, without prejudice, trying to grab the Murkrow but failing, but succeeding in grabbing Pikachu. Noctowl - like any good drug dealer a master at using desperate thieves to it's own advantage - begins to instruct the Murkrow in what to do. They fly up and, working as a team (awwwwww) dodge and twist around the Murkrowbot, causing it to shift and twist on it's legs to try and catch them with it's giant fans, straining the hydraulics on the legs and causing them to short-circuit. Pikachu and all the stolen goods are immediately released and Pikachu hits out with a Thunderbolt to deal the finishing blow to Team Rocket and send them blasting off again. Ash retrieves his missing Fog Badge at last and then proceeds to kick 7 flavours of crap out of the Murkrow for being dirty little thieves. He breaks their little bones and puts their legs in casts for daring to steal from him, then places up signs all around the forest warning about the dangers of thieving Mur.....
Oh.
Oh.
No he just thanks the thieves for being thieving little bastards, takes his possessions and leaves with nary a backward glance. It would seem that Ash has learned the first lesson of living in a modern society......
If crime isn't going to directly affect you, just ignore it.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Pikachu is the poke du jour, and it's trs populaire"
 "Brock's incredible, edible mystery stew is ready!"
"My belt buckle - completes my outfit"
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