180: Trouble's Brewing
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.....Okay, so they're having a quiet meal and talking about going on a picnic......
Jerks.
Luckily there are no further distractions. They quickly finish their meal, bypass the picnic and.....
.....Okay, so now Misty's hugging an Eevee....
Punks.
Stepping outside with the Eevee, its trainer comes rushing forward and takes it back from Misty. The young girl introduces herself as Sakura and invites them back to her place - a nice little tourist trap to make money out of stupid foreigners looking for a cultural experience. Of course the twerps have that quickly impending Johto League to get to so they kindly decline and....
.....Okay, so they're going with her.....
Scallywags.
Back at Sakura's the twerps sit around waiting for her, and she emerges dressed in a kimono and some bigass platform sandals. She's also wearing socks with her sandals, and we don't care how freaking traditional this get-up is, she's just marked herself as a very 'special' young lady!
She informs the twerps that it is her job to greet the guests at the little hostel she lives at and leaves them to look about the place. Misty feels like a time-traveller as she stares around the idyllic postcard of a hostel, with it's guests and staff all dressed in traditional Japanese outfits. A lady appears before them dressed to the nines and introduces herself to the twerps.... and to Brock's heart.
"Ahhhh! It happened again! Cupid got me right in the heart!" screams Brock, clutching at his heart before dropping to one knee in front of the lady, "I declare you the most incredible creature who has ever crawled into a kimono!"
"Oh...." she ohs.
"In plain English miss," cries Brock, leaping to his feet and grabbing her hands, "You look rocking in those robes!"
"Thank you," the lady nervously offers after blinking twice.
The twerps continue on and come upon a fascinating flower arranging class. Oh it's so exciting as the young lady teaching the class places a flower into a vase with other flowers and the assembled guests oooh and aaaaahh with wonder at the exciting, cuthroat world of eXtreme Flower Arranging.
"AHHHHH! TWICE IN ONE DAY! CUPID IS WORKING OVERTIME!" roars Brock, clutching his heart again as he gets a peek at the flower-arranger. He kneewalks respectfully towards her, "I've seen some intensely attractive young ladies but without a doubt you take the cake!"
"Huh?" huhs the young lady.
"But since I don't have any cake on hand," grins Brock, swiping the flowers from the carefully arranged vase, "Perhaps you'll accept this flower."
"Ahhhhhhh," ahhhhhhhs the young lady in fright.
The twerps continue on, Brock groaning suspiciously before they're interrupted by a musical noise. A young lady is playing a complex looking stringed instrument, plucking on strings that create a melody that plucks at Brock's heartstrings as well.
"PLEASE NO MORE! MY POOR HEART CAN'T TAKE IT!" he roars, clutching at his heart again. He drops to his knees in front of the musician and proclaims, "I've seen some outstandingly beautiful girls but you're the most beautiful one I've ever heard!"
"Huh?"
"And I sense something in your manner that's rather..... plucky!" he PUN-ishes, plucking at a string.
They continue on and finally come across the tea ceremony, the supposed 'big attraction' of the tourist-trap. Another lady welcomes them respectfully and they instantly drop to their knees and murmur thank yous... until the lady raises her face and Brock sneaks a peek.
"AHHH FORGET THE TEA! I'M GOING TO NEED SMELLING SALTS!" he roars, clutching at his heart again. He drops to his knees in front of her, saying, "I bet you brew awesome oolong but you know you really perk me up like a double-mochachino!"
"Cool down coffee boy," hisses Misty, who has had enough. She grabs him by the nose (yes the nose!) and drags him away, "You're not her cup of tea!"
With everyone settled down again the tea ceremony begins, though Brock still can't help but dream.
"Hey guys with all these beautiful girls around I wouldn't be too surprised if the tea ceremony leads to a wedding ceremony!" "Huh?" ask Ash and Misty.
The tealady (yes that's what she is for all her kimono and pretty hair, she's the tealady!) tells them it is traditional to turn the cup around before drinking. Misty and Ash do so as Brock simply sits staring moronically at the pretty lady. Misty snaps at Brock that he is supposed to turn around and drink..... so he turns around on the spot then drinks! A sad display that sadly doesn't surprise Misty at all.
Sakura arrives and introduces the pretty lady as her big sister, who tells them her name is Satsuki. Then the other three girls we have seen so far appear - Simomo, Tamao and Kome - all of them Sakura's sisters!
"Ash!" gasps Brock, hiding behind Ash, "How am I going to pick my favourite sister without disappointing the others!?!?"
The sisters spot Brock and rush up to him, glaring down at him as he cowers behind Ash.
"Hey!" cries Simomo, "You're the guy who told me how rocking I looked in my kimono!"
"He said I was the most beautiful girl he's ever heard!" adds Kome.
"He gave me a flower!" throws in Tamao.
"I was his mochachino," finishes of Satsuki.
"Well Brock, you certainly know how to compliment a girl!" smiles Sakura, who finds Brock's sexual harassment endearing.
"Ash! This is terrible!" sobs Brock, "I want all of them and they all want me! Am I right?"
"You're half right," sighs Ash.
"Haven't you ever heard of the four beautiful tea ceremony sisters before?" asks Simomo with a remarkable display of humility.
"Four beautiful sisters!?!" snaps Sakura, "What about me!?!?"
"Oh you're a sister too, Sakura," Kome assures her, "You're just not beautiful."
Ash smiles, noting to Misty that this seems quite familiar, though how he has managed to retain memory of anything before last weeks battle is beyond us.
As Misty and Sakura wax lyrical about how fun it is to have in common bitchy sisters, we leave this scene and search out amongst the guests at the tourist-trap until we find the real heroes we've been after.
Team Rocket!
Yes we find Team Rocket also settling down for the tea ceremony, and dressed for the occasion! Meowth is wearing a cute wickle bowtie while James is in a blue suit and large red bowtie, and Jesse for some reason is wearing a voluminous pretty pink dress.
"I thought this would be a fun tea party not a dull tea ceremony," sulks Jesse as she stares at her tea.
"Mmm, I've had more fun at dental appointments," sighs James as an old lady stirs tea and dressed up tourists pretend to be interested.
"And deres so many strict rules and traditions," mutters Meowth.
"Jesse you always seem to know the right thing to say and do in these kinds of situations," James suggests, "So Meowth and I will follow your lead!"
"Huuuuuhmmmm!" squeals Jesse in shock, then tries to cover up, "Well yes... that's a good idea....."
She stares down at her tea, then grins and lifts the cup high, "TEA TIME!"
She takes a giant gulp of tea, then roars in fury at the taste. The old lady and the tourists glare at her.
"I've never tasted anything like it!" she offers diplomatically as a nervous Meowth and James sip their tea.
"It's like someting outta a bilge pump," complains Meowth.
"But with a slightly sludgy bouquet," offers James.
"It might be nice on ice?" Jesse notes.
The old lady and the tourists glare angrily at Team Rocket for daring to point out that their historically correct and traditional tea ceremony has tea that, quite frankly, tastes like shit!
Still, maybe the teacakes will be nicer? They chow down quickly on a teacake each and while they taste fine.... they're not exactly filling. The old tealady snootily points out that a tea ceremony is about quality not quantity, but there ain't a woman alive who believes that line! Jesse sneaks behind the tealady and grabs a box, finding the motherlode of teacakes inside. Her, James and Meowth begin to scoff them down as the tealady ineffectually mumbles that if they eat them all there won't be enough left for everyone. But as Jesse points out, it's first in first served. A security guard rushes in and grabs Jesse in a full nelson and tries to physically haul her away, but Jesse ain't going to let her OR her pretty dress get thrown out by some rent-a-cop and she physically hurls him away, smashing him into a pot of boiling water. The commotion attracts the twerps, Sakura and her sisters who come running. The old tealady spots the five sisters and naturally calls for help from the youngest one, since obviously she'd be the most useful......
Hey we didn't write the bloody script!
They spot Team Rocket and Sakura demands to know what is going on. Team Rocket are still busy scoffing down teacakes but respond as best they can, standing up and doing their motto. "Mmmmr-rare mor rubble!" demands Jesse through a mouthful of cake.
"Mmman mame it dummel!" adds James.
"To protek ma worl frum defamashin."
"To u-nigh more peemels wifim our nachim."
"Gulp..... to denounce the evils of truth and love."
"Gulp..... to extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight."
"Meowth, dat's right!"
With their fancy clothes thrown off Team Rocket stand exposed.....
GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!
.... and ready for action. Misty snaps in anger at being interrupted on yet another daily activity by Team Rocket as an angry Sakura blasts Team Rocket for screwing up her sisters cosy little tourist trap/money spinner.
Jesse reacts to Sakuras anger and demands for them to leave by calling out Arbok to whip some respect into her. Sakuras sisters call out their own Pokemon, a Flareon, Umbreon, Vaporeon and Jolteon. It's almost the full series of Eevee evolutions, minus only Espeon (which Team Rocket don't seem to notice is missing) but it is the pre-evolution - Eevee - that goes into action. It attempts a Tackle Attack and gets hit by a hard Headbutt from Arbok instead. Recovering, it tries to use Sand Attack to lower Arbok's offensive capabilities, but an amused Arbok just turns its back and lets the sand fall harmlessly from its back before wrapping its tail around Eevee, lifting it into the air, squeezing then tossing the little fluffball away.
A shocked Sakura can't believe she got her ass handed to her on a stick by Team Rocket and begs her sisters to do anything. But before they can Ash and Misty rush in uninvited and get involved. Misty sends out Poliwhirl and Ash sends out Totodile as James calls out Weezing to even things up a bit. The red-raw abortion shoots out Smog to hide its ugliness but Poliwhirl's Bubble clears that right up before it and Totodile perform a double water-gun and send Team Rocket blasting off again!
ALREADY!?!?!
With the cakedevouring villains defeated, Sakura changes out of her traditional 'for the tourists' clothes and into something a little more contemporary. She and Misty settle down by a creek while Togepi plays at being cute, pretending to be friends with Eevee. Misty and Sakura talk more about their similarities (both get treated like shit by their sisters). Misty explains that she travels with Ash and Brock and that she loves Water Pokemon and wants to get to know all she can about it. Sakura seems enthralled with the idea of travelling and is particularly interested in being part of the Johto League..... but she couldn't travel alone.... so maybe she could travel with the twerps!
Yes, the rather rude little stranger has just invited herself along for the ride and Misty (who is along for the ride herself) accepts on Ashs behalf!
They head off on a little walk without even bothering to find Ash and Brock to inform them that they have a new travelling companion. Ash and Brock eventually find them, rushing eagerly up to Misty with the exciting news that they've been shopping!
When you come from hicktowns like Pewter and Pallet..... a department store is big news.
Misty just casually drops into the conversation that Sakura is going to be coming with them. Ash and Brock share a quick glance, appearing to both think the same thing, then explain that having another underage girl in tiny shorts along for the ride is fine by them.
Makes you wonder what was agreed to in that quick glance! Sakura happily explains she has to be in a dance recital tomorrow afternoon to help her sisters fleece more tourists out of their money. But after that they can go. So the twerps spend another night NOT making forward progress towards the quickly impending Johto League only to watch Sakura make a complete hash of her part in the dance, dropping her umbrella and offending her ancestors.
After the show Sakura settles down with her sisters to beg them to let her go along with Ash, Misty and Brock on their Pokemon Journey. But as they point out, she can't even master an umbrella, how the hell is she going to master Pokemon? Sakura has no real answer to that and begs Misty to help out. Misty offers assurances that they'll look after Sakura, and then Brock opens his big mouth.
"I may not look very trustworthy, but I come from a humongous family so believe me, I know how to take care of kids!"
Ash quickly speaks up before anyone can inevitably call Brock something that rhymes with fiddy-kiddler. He tells Sakuras sisters that they're like a family and if Sakura comes with them, this girl they met only two days ago will be like a sister to them.
Friendly little moron, isn't he.
Sakuras sisters consider things, the twerps did put a pounding on Team Rocket it's true. But somehow gross physical violence by strangers against strangers isn't quite enough to convince them to let them take their little sister away.
It'll take gross physical violence against THEM to assure them everything will be all right!
So a Pokemon battle is in order, any three of the four sisters against any three of the..... three twerps. They all readily accept, Ash preparing to face off against Vaporeon before Misty interrupts, calling out Poliwhirl to deal with the water-based evolution of Eevee rather than let Pikachu smack it down with one quick Thundershock. Both Pokemon dance around each other looking to Tackle before Poliwhirl slips forward and slaps Vaporeon around a little. But the sleek Vaporeon slides away then zooms forward and slams Poliwhirl into a nearby pool.... which does little to actually hurt it. Poliwhirl leaps out of the water and attempts a Water Gun, which is negated by Vaporeons own. They both drop into a dramatic faceoff as the Water Guns rain down over them..... and then Vaporeon opens it's mouth and lets rip with an Aurora Beam! Poliwhirl is slammed smashing into the pool again but this time the damage is severe, it's beaten body raising to the surface of the pool, limp and useless like Bob Dole before he found his little blue friend.
Misty apologises to Sakura for getting her ass handed to her on a stick before a confident Ash gets ready to face off with Jolteon, the Electric evolution of Eevee. Pikachu jumps down to face off with its opponent but an explosion stops the battle, smoke and sand raising up and then clearing to reveal 5 boxes lined up in a row, different coloured curtains over each one, a rope rising from the row of boxes up to a green basket hovering in the air supported by a Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon.
Team Rocket are back!
The basket lands on top of the row of boxes and Team Rocket leap out, pointing out each box and explaining what it is for and why it is coloured the way it is.
"A shockproof cage for Jolteon, a bubbly cage for Vaporeon, a heat resistant cage for Flareon, a cute cage for Eevee AND a stark white cage for Umbreon so its bold colours can stand out!" explains Jesse.
Meowth notes that they forgot a cage for Pikachu and Jesse suggests it can check into the Jolteon cage. Ash snaps that nobody is capturing his Pikachu as James calls out Victreebell for perhaps the dodgiest of the now familiar 'Victreebell eats James' jokes.
"Oooooh, ooh oh oooooh oh! Ooooh! Eee! Oh! Ooooh! Ooooooh! Oh Eeeee oooooh!" he moans and mumbles as Victreebell's mouth latches around his ass and applies pressure.
We swear, we couldn't make this shit up!
Sakura sends out Eevee to beat up Team Rocket but Victreebell (having had its fill of James' ass) makes short work of it, tackling it and vine whipping it into the cute cage with the flower motiff. Bars slam down in front of it and a light lights up as James thrusts his crotch at the camera and proclaims victory.
Ash calls out Chikorita which dodges Victreebell's Vine Whip and smacks it with one of its own. Jesse gives us a G.A.S and then calls out Arbok as Misty brings out Staryu. Staryu tackles Arbok, slamming it back against James and knocking him into the cage intended for Umbreon. Another tackle hits Arbok again and sends the Pokemon slamming into the shock proof cage intended for Jolteon. Chikorita uses Vine Whip again, grabbing Victreebell around the throat/neck/trunk and spinning it round and round before slamming it into Jesse and knocking them both into Flareon's heat resistant cage.
"I'm gonna go tah my room!" cries Meowth as he notes the distinctly bad odds, and jumps into Vaporeons cage! Jesse snaps at him to get out but they're all locked in now, including Eevee. That doesn't last long though, Umbreon using Agility to smash through the cute cage and freeing the unevolved Pokemon. Vaporeon and Staryu use Water Gun on the balloon and row of cages, which for some reason hits at a velocity capable of sending everything blasting off again!
With Team Rocket beaten and Sakura realising that everybody in the world is a better trainer than she is, the battle resumes. Ash and Pikachu face off against Jolteon. Jolteon moves fast, sending an impressive looking Thundershock towards Pikachu which barely dodges. Pikachu retaliates with a Thunderbolt but Jolteon's Thunderwave disperses the attack and leaves it unharmed. So Pikachu resorts to the basics and just physically bitchslaps Jolteon, using Tackle to smack it over then another Thunderbolt to shock it and leave it whining and howling for help before collapsing, beaten and bruised.
With the matches one apiece, the final battle is the important one. Whoever 'wins' gets saddled with Sakura, and for some reason, both seem to want that! The sisters decide to go with Umbreon and prepare to do battle.... but Sakura interrupts..... she's changed her mind!
Yes some bollocks about not being ready and not wanting to get in the way and making her own way and knowing when the time is right..... what it all boils down to is she is a little girl who got excited and asked to go on a grand old adventure before realising she'd be getting her ass kicked on a regular basis by people like Team Rocket! Her sisters, impressed that she knows her place as a flyspeck within the family group and the wider world, tell her she is already becoming stronger while a sad Misty realises she is going to be stuck for a little while longer being in the company of only dirty, smelly boys.
They say goodbye to Sakura (she's like a foot taller than Ash! What is he, 8?) at a fork in the road. Either way leads to a Pokemon Gym, one at Olivine City, the other in Mahogany Town. Brock reads through the guide book and finally comes to a decision that only the teenage mentor of an emotionally crippled crackbaby and energyleeched redhead can. He must weigh up the pros and cons of each city against the time it will take to get there and factor in the quickly impending Johto League..... and thus the twerps head on to Olivine City.
Why?
BECAUSE THERE'S A BEACH!
Summertime hijinks coming up!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Oh you're so soft and cuddilicious!"
 "Ash, this is terrible! I want all of them and they all want me!"
 "Oooooh, ooh oh oooooh oh! Ooooh! Eee! Oh! Ooooh! Ooooooh! Oh Eeeee oooooh!"
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