178: A Ghost of a Chance
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SWEET JAYSUS THEY'RE IN ECRUTEAK!
Finally, finally, finally they have arrived at Ecruteak City! The fourth Johto League Gym can be found here! Now there can surely be no further distractions to keep Ash from getting his fourth badge!
Enter a fat firebreathing clown.
"I'm just the guy you're looking for!" announces Enfernando, the firebreathing street clown. Blasting fire from his mouth at the panicking twerps, he offers to sell them an itemfinder, or rather, a treasure locater. Ash, as stupid as he is, has a knack for not spending money and pushes on claiming that Enfernando is a ripoff. Misty follows Ash but Brock stays behind, asking if the itemfinder can get him any luck with the ladies.
"He's a clown, not a magician!" snaps Misty, grabbing Brock by the ear and pulling him away. Leaving Enfernando behind, they head on towards the gym.
Elsewhere in town by a large fountain, we find our beloved Team Rocket. Having trailed the twerps all the way to town, they've gotten lost and now sit bemoaning lost opportunities. But while Meowth and Jesse are dejected, James giggles and reminds them that, from experience, they know that the twerps will be heading directly for the Johto League Gym.
"WOBBUFFET!" screams Wobbuffet, saluting bravely as it leaps dripping wet out of the fountain.... and is ignored by everyone. James explains that the Ecruteak Gym is in the heart of the city, but Meowth just wants some food in his belly. Jesse is also hungry but complains that she doesn't know if the food in this city is any good. James insists that Ecruteak is well known for its food, and Jesse hands her purse over to him and sends him off to find provisions for her and Meowth, who are both too hungry to look for a meal.
"I'll be back in three shakes of a chocolate shake!" giggles James, bounding off with cute little purse clutched in hand.
Back with the twerps, we find them at what Brock's guidebook insists is the Gym. Unlike most gyms it looks more like a temple, with high gates, protective Pokemon statues built into the entranceway. Beyond is a large courtyard and a huge but rundown tower. Confused but eager to battle for his fourth badge, Ash leads them on.
"Let's see, there must be someplace fast and cheap and.. AHHH!" squeals James as he wonders about Ecruteak and then almost takes a blast of fire to the face.
"I'm just the guy you're looking for!" proclaims Enfernando, hearing James description.
"I'm not looking for any guy!" squeals James, proclaiming chastity to avoid an embarrassing come on.
"Ooooh then you must be looking for a little buried treasure!" giggles Enfernando, whipping our his phallic itemfinder.
We really don't want to know where the treasure is buried and what kind of 'shovel' James would need to get to it!
"WHAT!?!?!" screams Jesse back at the fountain as James shows off the itemfinder, "We sent you to get something to eat, not to get cheated!"
"Wat is dat ting anyway!?!" demands Meowth.
"This is a treasure detector!" giggles James.
An exasperated Jesse demands that James give her the money back so she can buy them food, but James has spent it all on the treasure detector! Jesse and Meowth slap him with giant paper fans (a million and one uses!) before James insists that with the itemfinder they can locate treasure, sell it, and buy plenty of food! He switches it on and begins moving, and straight away it begins beeping! Pulling out a shovel and thrusting his crotch haphazardly about, James digs into the dirt and finds.... treasure!
Jesse and Meowth rush up to see the delightful find, only to discover to their horror.... "It's just a doity ol' bottlecap!"
"WAIT!" cries James, pulling the cap off of Meowth, "This cap is from a nine and a half ounce cola bottle that was discontinued 25 years ago! This is.... an amazing find!"
James proceeds to wax lyrical on the good ol' treasure detector and good ol' city of Ecruteak, then rushes off to find more treasure. Jesse sighs, wishing he could dig up an old pizza, while Meowth would settle for just an anchovy.
Inside the tower, the twerps are getting more than a little confused and nervous. The place is deserted and burnt out, and it doesn't look like it's been inhabited for quite awhile.... but the guidebook insists that this IS the Pokemon Gym. Behind them a black shadow whips by, and suddenly the tower catches on fire! Looking around in panic at the sudden flames, the twerps make a run for it, but the fire seems to be cutting them off, igniting spontaneously at different points and guiding them towards a dark doorway. They rush through it and tumble down the stairs, crashing head over heels and smashing into the hard wood floor below.
Remarkably uninjured by the fall (without even a crack in Togepi's shell), the twerps stupidly state that at least there is no fire down here..... even if they are now trapped below a giant, dilapidated tower which is burning as we speak.
Even this momentary refuge is ruined though, when suddenly fire explodes all around them, the twerps are trapped! Ash and Misty call out Totodile and Staryu to use their Watergun Attacks to put out the flames, but the water seems to have no effect. Totodile gets closer to try and put the flames out but still it's Watergun has no effect.... and then the insane little Pokemon jumps into the fire and begins to dance!
But there will be no bbq alligator today, the flames do nothing to Totodile, which dances with insane glee within the heart of the fire. The twerps realise belatedly that the flames are generating no heat.... they don't really exist, it's all an illusion.
Ash calls out Noctowl, calling on it to use Foresight to dispel the illusions. Immediately the flames disappear, replaced by.... yes, it's a group of Gastly! The Ghost Pokemon have been caught out! Noctowl slams into them, tackling them all, smashing into them. Usually Gastly are untouchable by anything but special attacks, but Noctowl has used Foresight to identify them and give them physical form, and now it layeth the smacketh down on ALL THEIR CANDYASSES!
The Gastly flee in terror, but their retreat is shortlived as they return with reinforcements, two Haunters and a Gengar! As Ash prepares to make a defiant last stand against their superior numbers, a newcomer appears at the top of the stairs and calls a halt to the proceedings. The Gengar, Haunters and Gastly freeze, Pikachu calls a halt to its impending attack and everyone takes a look at the newcomer.
He has a mullet.
The newcomer is Morty he has a mullet a confident he has a mullet looking gym trainer he has a mullet who runs the he has a mullet Johto League Gym he has a mullet in Ecruteak City he has a mullet. With eyes like Prima's but not the chest to match he has a mullet, Morty informs Ash of who he is he has a mullet and declines Ash's demand for a Gym Battle he has a mullet explaining that he has a mullet this is not the actual Pokemon Gym for Ecruteak he has a mullet but rather the old Tin Tower that he has a mullet burnt out hundreds of years ago he has a mullet.
Ash listens to all of this, taking in as much as you'd expect Ash to take in, then promptly runs away as something shiny gets his attention and he forgets Morty even exists. He demands to know what the metal plaque on the wall is. It is a picture of a giant, regal looking bird that looks very familiar to Ash. Morty explains that it is a plaque of Ho-Oh, a legendary Rainbow-Bird Pokemon and Ash immediately announces that he has seen a Ho-Oh, remembering way back to the start of his Pokemon Journey when he and Pikachu regained consciousness and saw dimly through their beaten and battered eyes a Ho-Oh flying across the sky. But just like everyone Ash tells the story too, the mulleted Morty will have none of it. He tells Ash that he can't have seen a Ho-Oh, that Ho-Oh have not been seen by humans for over 300 years. Once a mighty Ho-Oh lived at the top of this burnt out tower and would appear to the most pious of those who worshipped there, but one day thieves and brigands attacked the tower in hopes of capturing Ho-Oh and making it their own. The ensuing battle destroyed the original Tin Tower and Ho-Oh fled never to return or be seen by human eyes again. The people of Ecruteak built a new Tin Tower in hopes of enticing Ho-Oh back, but it has never returned.
While the boring history lesson proceeds, Togepi notes that Misty is momentarily distracted and bolts for it. Rushing towards a crack, Ash notices Togepi about to disappear and calls for it to stop. Togepi just cackles madly and leaps through the crack, followed by Pikachu. Morty snaps at them to follow him and they rush deeper into the ruins of the tower, Morty sending his Ghost Pokemon ahead to work together to find the vile egg-leech thingy.
Deep inside the tower, Pikachu catches up with Togepi and begs it to stop toying with their emotions and come back. The supposedly infantile Togepi twists about and in a display of supernatural agility bounds away, jumping the equivalent proportion of 10 feet in the air for it's size.
Whether you believe it's a monster or not, something just ain't right with that Togepi!
Outside, Team Rocket approach the ruins of the old tin tower. James is still excitedly using the itemfinder/treasure detector, though Jesse and Meowth seem less enthused. The detector goes off and an excited James rushes towards the treasure. Finding what is either an old shrine outside the tower or the garbage bin, James looks underneath the platform it's on and surmises there must be another artifact beneath. Meowth sighs and states that so far all they've found is a sack of garbage.
"Sack of garbage?" questions James angrily, holding up the bulging sack, "This bag holds a veritable trove of ancient treasure! You don't know the value of these collectible caps!"
There you go folks, James' bulging sack is full of treasure!
"Oh... yeah," mutters Jesse.
"We know da value of dem alright," hisses Meowth, "Zero!"
"I'll have you know that some of these bottlecaps are worth plenty!" snaps James," thrusting his sack in Jesse's face.... which would be a first,"At collectors conventions I've seen them go for..." "Ohhh!" snaps Jesse, pulling James sack away from him.... again, a first! "If they're so valuable let's sell them!"
"No way! I'm not collecting them to sell!" snaps James, grabbing his sack back, then going all sparkly eyed, "I'm collecting them because they're simple and beautiful and because they make me happy!"
There you go folks, he just wants nice things!
"Why are you so money hungry!" he snaps at Jesse.
"I ain't moneyhungry," sighs Meowth, "I'm just plain ol' hungry!"
And then Togepi tears through the ground beneath the shrine/garbage pail and roars it's name at them. Team Rocket gasp in delight, they've captured a Togepi.... and then they gasp in delight again as Pikachu pops up behind it, they've hit the jackpot!
Pikachu prepares to thundershock them, but Team Rocket remind it that they've got Togepi. Shock them, and it'll shock Togepi as well.
Shock them Pikachu, shock them!
Sadly Pikachu appears to have left its nuts behind in Pallet Town, and it meekly allows itself to be captured as beneath the shrine a Gastly watches. It turns around and rushes back to Morty, saying simply, "Gastly!" to him. Morty uses the power of his mullet to translate this into,"I've seen the stupid kid's Pikachu and the redhead's demonbeast." When Ash asks Morty how he could understand the Gastly, he gets the rather arrogant answer back, "Practice."
Outside, James has strapped Pikachu to his back and Togepi is strapped onto Meowth's. They rush away laughing, knowing that there is nothing the twerps can do to stop them..... and then Gengar slides out of the ground behind them and whips out its tongue to trip them all up. They hit the ground and Jesse instantly blames Meowth for tripping her, until Meowth points out that he was tripped too. James notes that SOMETHING must have tripped them, and then Gengar slides out of the ground in front of him and gives him a big ghostly grin. The twerps arrive on the scene, shocked to see Team Rocket as Gengar reappears by Morty's side, the Gym Leader demanding they hand over the stolen Pokemon.
"Prepare for trouble we've got Pikachu!" snaps Jesse in response.
"Make it double, we've got Togepi too!" adds James.
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Dat's right!" cries Meowth, sliding into view, "DAAAAH!"
"Give us back Pikachu and Togepi!" snaps Ash and does the familiar old run and yell technique.... and Meowth leaps forward and scratches up his face.
"Back off, twerpo!" spits Meowth contemptuously.
"Excellent scratching," smiles Jesse, clapping slowly.
"Your claws deserve applause!" adds James, clapping as well.
"WOBBUFFET!" observes Wobbuffet, saluting bravely.
Jesse calls it back before Meowth and James twist around and wiggle their asses at the twerps (!), mocking their inability to get back their Pokemon. Pikachu looks humiliated, Togepi roars with drunken laughter, and Ash and Misty demand a Pokemon battle. Jesse is more than ready to agree, but Meowth snaps at her that if they battle they WILL get their asses handed to them on a stick, so they should just run. Jesse looks to James - who has been stuck in an incredibly camp pose - for advice and he suggests they beat it. Twisting about, they leg it, about the best move they could possibly make. Morty and the twerps give chase incredibly slowly, the air resistance on Morty's mullet making it impossible for him to pick up any speed. So he sends out Gengar to stop Team Rocket, the powerful Ghost zooming after Team Rocket to stop them. They send out Arbok and Weezing to attack back, but Gengar simply disappears, reappearing behind the confused Pokemon and sideswiping them, sending them smashing into the trees on either side of the path.
"Fiends!" roars Morty as Gengar blocks off Team Rocket's escape route, "You should be ashamed of yourself! How can people who are Pokemon Trainers steal other trainers Pokemon!?!?"
"It's quite easy!" proclaims James throatily.
"We're Team Rocket members first and people second!" yells Jesse.
"I ain't even a people!" Meowth proudly announces. Gengar lets rip with a Nightshade Attack which cuts the straps holding Pikachu and Togepi to James and Meowth's backs. The two Pokemon fly into the air and a Haunter appears from nowhere to catch Pikachu while two Gastly appear for Togepi to land on their backs. Togepi dances with drunken amusement before being dropped into Misty's hands, while Ash spins around in a circle clutching Pikachu.
An infuriated Jesse calls on Arbok to continue the fight as James does the same for Weezing. They leap out of the forest and plummet towards Gengar, which simply stands grinning and waiting.... then disappears just before they crash into the ground. Arbok tears out of the debris of the path and wraps itself around Gengar, but the Ghost-Type is simply amused and disappears from the bind.... then begins to crackle with black energy as it calls up a Shadowball! Knowing that they're screwed if they don't strike instantly, Team Rocket call on Arbok and Weezing to attach together, but Gengar lets rip with the Shadowball which smashes into the two Pokemon, which smashes THEM into the ground. The Shadowball then begins to expand as Jesse, James and Meowth try desperately to clear the blast radius... and then it hits them.
"We were so close dat time," sighs Meowth as he sails through the air.
"We lost Pikachu AND Togepi!" roars Jesse angrily as she zooms past Meowth with Weezing.
"I even lost my treasure detector!" sobs James. "We said it before, we'll say it once more," sighs Meowth again as Arbok flies by him, and then all of Team Rocket cry together.
"Aaaaah we're blasting off again!"
The smoke clears around the impact crater of the Shadowball and the twerps look down at the impressive blast.
"Gengar's Shadowball is pretty awesome," mutters Ash.
"Yeah I'll say!" agrees Misty.
"That may not be the last time you see a Shadowball," says Brock, looking up at the floating, grinning Gengar, "You'll probably battle Gengar in your Gym match."
Ash simply stares.
As the sun sets they say goodbye to Morty for the night. They could battle now, but both Morty and Ash agree a good rest will make for a better battle tomorrow. Morty and Gengar retire as the twerps prepare to find free lodging for night, Misty asking Ash if he thinks he can beat Gengar, Brock noting that Ghost-Types are difficult at the best of times, but this one seems to be extra powerful.
Ash though appears to be confident and tells them that they'll see tomorrow. As they set out to find some poor sap to freeload lodging of, one can only wonder where Ash gets his confidence from? Gengar is powerful, and seemingly invulnerable to any attack.... and Morty is a confident, well established Gym Leader? What is it about Morty that makes Ash think he can beat him? Well we can reveal the truth here and now.
It's the mullet kids, God and Mother Nature will never allow a mullet victory - you have our guaran-damn-tee on that!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "I'm not looking for any guy!"
 "We're Team Rocket members first and people second!" "I ain't even a people!"
"I'll be back in three shakes of a chocolate shake!"
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