176: The Apple Corps
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Who the hell are we kidding? Ash and Co. are meandering their way down the mountain path with the countryside behind and before them, seemingly no closer to Ecruteak than ever before. On their way down the trail, Ash suddenly stop and sniffs at the air.... what is that aroma? He knows! Taking off ahead of Misty and Brock with Pikachu close behind, Ash rushes down the trail straight into an orchard! Ash is very excited and very hungry and ready to pluck an apple until an angry Misty points out that doing this would be tantamount to stealing. Ash mumbles something about just looking while Pikachu continues to charge ahead, looking about at all the glorious apples glistening in the trees.... and then disappearing! Small chittering noises echo throughout the tree branches, apples disappear as if like magic.. what is going on? And then suddenly several apple cores drop down right in front of Pikachu... just as Ash, Misty and Brock come into view. They admonish a shocked Pikachu for eating food that doesn't belong to it....
- In headline news today, a pot calls a kettle black -
.... and it cries out and dances in an effort to prove it's innocence through modern dance. As it does so, another apple falls from the trees into it's hands. As it stares in shock at the apple with little bite marks in it, a net falls on top of Pikachu who immediately attempts to escape, once more via the power of modern dance. A youngish lady emerges from the trees, stomping with her great boots as she announces that she has at last caught the culprit who has been stealing her apples. Pikachu denies it of course, but gets no help from Brock who instantly falls in love and begins accusing Pikachu of the crime as well! In the meanwhile, Ash casually removes the net and takes the apple off of Pikachu, while the girl roars at him that he won't get away with this.... and then Ash points out the massive size difference between Pikachu's mouth and the tiny bite marks in the apple. Instantly the girl is horrified and contrite, bowing to cover her great dishonour in falsely accusing a noble Pokemon. She explains that she runs this orchard by herself and thus has to try and catch the apples poachers by herself.
Back at her cabin she settles the kids down for a zesty meal of mmmmmapples! and introduces herself as Charmaine. Ash needs to be reminded once again that Charmaine owns and operates the orchard, and once again she explains how much trouble she's having trying to run around stopping the poachers AND harvest the fruit.... basically trying to guilttrip the twerps into providing a little free seasonal work out of them. Ash and Misty share a knowing look and then offer to help pick the fruit and find the poachers, an offer greedily accepted by Charmaine. She takes them out into the orchard and shows them the defence measures she's put up to protect her apples from such vile opportunistic thieves as hungry Pidgeys. By setting up a series of wires and noisemakers, she is able to set off alarms that both attract her towards the would-be poachers AND scare off the Pokemon who would dare to eat food found growing in the wild.
The nerve of them!
But as they continue on, we watch as one Pokemon adapts to meet the demands of getting by human security measures. A clamping hand is extended up, dodging wires and noisemakers to grab an apple and return it to it's owner..... Meowth! Yes Team Rocket's Meowth is hungry and ready to eat, almost about to pop the large juicy looking red apple into it's mouth before an angry Jesse and James snap at him for daring to eat without them.
They are hungry too, how dare he attempt to get food just for himself! Meowth stares back at his human partners, the apple held in one paw behind his back. As he agrees with them and prepares to share the apple with them, a small yellow paw grabs the apple from him, chews the apple down to the core and then returns it to Meowth's paw. Meowth extends the remaining core to Jesse and James, who instantly accuse him of eating it all for himself, despite having been watching his mouth the whole time! As Meowth tries to defend himself, a small shadowy figure leaps over the tree branches and sets off the poacher alarms. Instantly Team Rocket are up and moving, running as fast as they can to get the hell out of there. Charmaine and the twerps rush towards the sound, spotting the little shadowy figures rushing from branch to branchbove them. They try to keep up but fail miserably as their puny human legs fail to match the power of those stubby little furry legs on the shadowy figures above them. Only rotund little Pikachu can do anything, charging after the Pokemon running away. The poachers slide through some bushes and stop to catch their breath, revealing themselves to be....
why Pichu! Yes the pre-evolved form of Pikachu are the poachers!
What would Pikachu say to this shocking display of lawlessness.
Pikachu lets us all know seconds later when it bursts through the bushes and casts a disapproving look over the Pichu. It wags one chubby little paw and tsks at them in Pika-speak as they quake in fear, Ash arriving on the scene and using Dexter to find out that Pichu are the pre-evolved form of Pikachu, and that they sometimes shock themselves when they laugh too much or they try to attack others. A short sharp cry bursts through the forest. The Pichu rush off with Pikachu to discover a group of smaller Pichu cowering against a tree not so far away. In the sky high above a fearsome Fearow is circling, terrifying the little Pichu who stare up in shock as the Fearow spots them and begins to dive, it's massive hooked claws clenched and ready to grab....
This Fearow intends to eat it some tender baby Pichu flesh!
The two older Pichu (let's face it, the Mummy and Daddy Pichu, these little ones are the extensive fruit of their naughty loins) jump up and try to shock it, but only stun it slightly while they practically knock themselves out. Everyone stands staring uselessly as the Fearow continues to dive, still hungry for sweet, sweet Pichu-meats.... and then Pikachu leaps in front of them and thundershocks that Fearow's ass into oblivion, sending it flapping awkwardly away. Pikachu has saved the day, and as a guilt-ridden thank you the Pichu get the apples they stole and carry them back to Charmaine. She stares unhappily at the obviously hungry little yellow ratbabies, torn between wanting to help those less fortunate than her and punishing the Daddy and Mummy Pichu for screwing each other rotten and having more kids than they can support.
Wow, it's just like the United Nations!
And just like the United Nations, having someone else watching means Charmaine feels she has to do something. She allows all the Pichu to eat, but complains to the twerps that if she keeps feeding the Pichu, there won't be enough apples to harvest come a-picking time!
Yeah, a score of tiny mice Pokemon and a giant orchard of apple trees.... you're gonna run out real fast aren't ya you capitalist bit....
WHO'S THAT POKEMON!?!?!?!
It's Snubbul, who according to this episode is very popular with da ladies! (Don't believe us? Then watch the episode!)
As Charmaine attempts to sort out the worrying predicament of how having 0.0000001% of her stock eaten is going to put her out of business, Team Rocket float overhead in the Happy Buddha Face Meowth balloon. Staring at the acres and acres of apples before them, they happily discuss about how their hunger problems are over. All that free food is there for them to pluck! Suddenly they notice a flock of Pidgey's approaching and watch in shock at what happens next. The Pidgeys have spotted the apples sitting on the trees and somehow mistake them for wild apples...
How such a mistake could be made is unthinkable, I mean just look at those apples sitting on the trees.... how can anyone mistake cultivated apples sitting on trees for.... umm..... naturally growing apples on trees?
But before those greedy, unthinking Pidgey can interfere with Charmaine's profitmaking ability with their selfish desire to not die of starvation... Pichu emerge from the trees and shock the hungry little Pidgeys away. Falling down in confusion and pain, some dancing with madness, the twerps explain to Charmaine how the Pichu can help her and are trying to pay her back for the..... 5's and 5's of apples they ate.
Pikachu then offers to show the Pichu how to work, teaching them that there is a better way to get food at Ash's insistence.... rather than just take the apples, why not work long backbreaking hours in the harsh son for no pay so that they can be given just enough pale leftover apple cubes to barely sustain them to the next day?
It's capitalism at it's finest!
But wherever there is a successful capitalist, there is always a hostile take-over in the works from someone looking for all the advantages and none of the hard work.... enter Team Rocket!
"Prepare for trouble, don't make us be brutal!" announces Jesse as the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon travels overhead, blotting out the sun.
"And make it double we want all that fruit....ull....." James manages to stammer.
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!."
"WOBB-UFFET!" proclaims Wobbuffet happily.
"Dat's it I've had enuff of you stealing my line!" roars Meowth, leaping onto Wobbuffet's head and twisting about before Jesse calls Wobbuffet back into it's Pokeball and Meowth drops to the basketfloor.
Charmaine is distraught, it's one thing to deal with Pokemon Poachers, she can simply turn them into her unpaid overworked labour force.... but how to deal with human poachers that can't be tricked into working for essentially free food. Ash declares that he has experience in dealing with Team Rocket, but Jesse is prepared for him this time. A square metal box drops from the base of the balloon basket with 2 holes on all four sides, and a long metal hosepipe with a sucker attached at the end snakes out. As Pikachu leaps high to hit Team Rocket with a Thundershock, Meowth pushes a button and the hosepipe begins to suck in air.... and as a result, Pikachu! Pikachu's ass slams against the sucker and we're treated to a very hentai looking sight. Pikachu obviously doesn't want any part of that and instantly tries to shock them, but the energy is sucked up the hosepipe and stored in a generator inside the basket. Jesse and James plug in a variety of appliances and start using Pikachu's energy to enjoy all of those exciting modern living solutions like television and icemakers! But such capitalist demands are taxing on a poor little Pikachu which can't keep up the power output for long and conks out, laying with the hose sticking out of it's ass like so much horrible fanart. With Pikachu captured and powering their devices, Meowth hits another button and more hosepipes emerge, sucking apples out of the trees as they vacuum up Charmaine's hardwork and effort.
The Pichu however have learnt the first lesson of capitalism, if you're going to be exploited for no pay and the bare necessities of life...
it's still better than having your natural resources stripped from you and getting nothing. They rush up into the trees and shock Team Rocket as a group..... which promptly conks them out and knocks them down again. Team Rocket however are already recovered, they've taken too many hard shocks from Pikachu for such a pissy little zap to affect them for long.
As Pichu attempt again and again to shock Team Rocket, Meowth calmly hits a button and reverses the airflow from the hosepipes, sending the Pichu's crashing down into the undergrowth. But they ain't done yet, Pikachu has shown them the joys of working in a sweatshop and they struggle up and push past the wind, climbing the tree branches up to the top, climbing on top of each other's heads, battling wind and the laws of physics to form a Pichu-Chain that reaches Pikachu's foot. The topmost Pichu grabs Pikachu and they all shock as one, zapping Pikachu and reenergising it into consciousness again. Renergised, Pikachu blasts off with a massive blast of electricity that simply fills up Team Rocket's generator again..... but keeps filling it up..... and filling it and filling it and filling it until the generator overloads, the plugs spark and smoke and then the balloon explodes, sending Team Rocket blasting off again and, of course, the apples falling back to the ground, joining the Pichu and Pikachu who broke off from the hosepipe just before Team Rocket exploded.
Charmaine approaches the celebrating Pichu and congratulates them on protecting her investment, and the crowd onto her and hug her with the stupid gratitude of oppressed 3rd World workers who don't know they're being exploited. The twerps look on with joy, proclaiming that the Pichu love Charmaine and Charmaine loves the Pichu.
Well of course they love her, she is like the great terrible God that feeds them.
And of course she loves them, they work for free and beat up on Pokemon that dare to eat the fruit that grows out there in the wild.
Putting on an air of benevolence, Charmaine tells the Pichu that she will 'let' them stay, as if she could have stopped them otherwise. Brock jealously notes how lucky the Pichu are to have Charmaine's love then suggests that his apple orchard is going to be a sunny happy place from now on......
Yep, like Disneyland, this orchard is going to be the happiest sweatshop on earth!
With yet another day wasted on their long and meandering journey to the Johto League, the twerps prepare to head out on their way. They have once again accomplished much, they have helped yet another heartless capitalist rape the natural environment at the expense of the natural possessors of natures product. They have created a slave caste that works for what it could get for free anyway, they have freeloaded some free food and, most importantly, they blew Team Rocket up again.
Yes worker exploitation, freeloading and unnecessary violence......... all in all, a good days work for the 'heroes' of Pokemon!
But before we leave, let's just have a quick word about the Pichu. Weren't they cute! Weren't they ever so precious and wonderful and huggable and loveable? Don't you just wish you could run out and buy merchandise featuring their likenesses from official Nintendo licensees!?!?!?
Well in a word.... no.
The Pichu are mehh, they're small Pikachus with big heads and ears, they're probably from the same marketing geniuses who created Sunflora. Nintendo's crude attempt to catch lightnining in a bottle twice and make a new Pikachu mass marketing machine quite simply.... sucks. The Pichu are the unholy spawn of market research into marketing demographics to find a product for you to consume.... fight the power chirin, spend your money on something productive and fun.
Like Class A Drugs.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Prepare for trouble, don't make us be brutal!" "And make it double we want all that fruit....ull" |
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