175: The Grass Route
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Along the picturesque side of the road the kids notice a variety of Grass Pokemon dancing and playing about. Bellsprouts, Sunflora, Oddish and even a Gloom dance and laugh and play and sing, live and love, love and learn. As they stand watching the Pokemon and not moving towards Ecruteak City, a new type of Pokemon comes rushing by, seemingly in a hurry to get somewhere, unlike the twerps.
"Skiploom," says Dexter as Ash checks out the odd, rotund little green Pokemon, "The evolved form of, Hoppip. This happy-go-lucky, grass-type has a, flower on its head which opens and closes depending, on the temperature."
The Skiploom.... well, skips.... up to it's trainer, a young boy with messy hair who seemingly has been standing in the middle of the field next to the road without anyone noticing him all this time. The kids head over to the boy to waste some more of the precious little time they have left before the Johto League Championship begins. They introduce themselves to Ephram - the Skiploom's Trainer - who has figured out that Ash is heading for the Ecruteak Gym. How does he know this? Because he lives up in the fucking mountains and nobody in their right mind comes through this way unless they're going to the gym on the other side. Having dazzled Ash with his backwater deductive skills, Ephram then asks Ash if he has any Grass Type Pokemon?
Say no Ash! Keep going to Ecruteak City you little bastard! The Johto League is quickly impending! SAY NO! JUST SAY N......
But like Michael Caine being offered a script, Ash just can't say no. He explains that he has a Bulbasaur and Chikorita and readily agrees to a Pokemon battle with Ephram and his Skiploom.
Ash sends out Chikorita and Ephram gets right into action, calling for the round but light Skiploom to hit Chikorita with a thunderous Tackle that.... makes it bounce off of Chikorita's hard latin head, it's attack completely useless. As Ash mocks Ephram for his blunder, the young boy figures that he has to use speed if he can't use strength, and orders a Double Team. Skiploom is suddenly everywhere in a circle all around Chikorita, moving so fast that there appears to be a circle of Skiploom surrounding Chikorita. But Ash is unconcerned, even as Brock notes that such a fast Double Team indicates ALOT of training. Ash orders Chikorita to use Razor Leaf and multiples leaves fly out, zipping through the blurred images of Skiploom, one of the leaves smacking into Skiploom and knocking onto it's round ass once again.
Ephram is beginning to panic now, if strength won't work and speed won't work, he has no choice but to use some underhand tactics. He orders Skiploom to fire two leech seeds to suck out Chikorita's energy.... but Chikorita contemptuously slaps away the Leech Seeds with it's Vine Whip before tackling Skiploom hard and sending it crashing in a daze into the ground..... Ash has won!
Misty and Brock however aren't too impressed with their friend, chiding him for putting a whipping on Ephram. Ash is obviously chastised, and apologises for letting his enthusiasm get the better of him.
Well... what can we say.... if you can't stand the heat, get out of the fucking kitchen! What a fucking hypocritical way for Misty and Brock to act! Ash was simply better than Ephram, his Chikorita is obviously better trained and he would do no favours to Ephram OR Skiploom by easing up on them and making them think they were better than they really are.
In any case, Skiploom recovers and Brock suggests that Ephram take it home to let it recover. Ephram agrees and invites the twerps to come with him, in what is apparently a tradition in the Pokemon World where you let anybody who thrashes the shit out of you in a fight to come around to your house and freeload off of your parents. Ash of course isn't going to turn down free food and lodging and agrees to come along. They return to Ephram's small farmhouse where they meet his lousy hippy parents, who have obviously retreated up into the mountainside to escape a world that judges you for your political beliefs and marriage to somebody who already had the same last name as you.....
When will the hating end!
Ephram explains to his hippy father that he took a beating from Ash, then lies and says that Ash is an Elite Trainer and that's why he lost really truly honestly no bull. Being a hippy, Ephrams Dad (from here on referred to as Mr Hippy) tells Ephram there is an important lesson to learn from this asswhupping and he should be grateful to Ash for pounding his ass into the dirt. Mr Hippy invites the twerps to stay the night, the twerps quickly agreeing of course, before they start admiring Ephram's Mums flowers. Ephrams Mum (from here on referred to as Mrs Hippy) thanks them, but explains that the flowers wouldn't be this pretty if it wasn't for their Grass Pokemon, who helped them grow them. The Hippys take the kids outside to proudly show off their Slave Labour, their Grass-Type Pokemon planting and cultivating and watering plants for them. Apparently they understand the plants better, can bring out the best in them and, though they don't say it, the Grass Pokemon don't have a Union!
As the twerps marvel over this, Ephram lets slip that he will soon be competing in a Tournament for Grass Type Pokemon only. Apparently there are so many Grass Pokemon around this area that it's become a tradition for a Grass Tournament to take place each year. This is obviously why Ephram challenged Ash, Brock figures, so he could get in training and practise. This is true, but it hasn't exactly worked out the way Ephram hoped.... he got his asswhupped AND now Ash's competitive juices have been stirred... he wants to enter too! After all, he IS in the Orange League Hall Of Fame, this dirtwater burg shouldn't be anything he can't handle!
But enough of this foolishness, we all know what you guys really came to see. Hot Team Rocket action, as we come across Jesse, James and Meowth hunched over, meat in their mouths, moaning with pleasure, clutching and squeezing fresh, tender buns....
Mmmm, hamburgers is tasty!
Yes Team Rocket are having a lunch break, James in particular enjoying his hamburger, until he notices Meowth and Jesse each grab one of the last three burgers.... leaving only one for him! Declaring them traitors James chases after Jesse and Meowth as they run with happy abandon, enjoying a moment of peace and happiness for a change.... as Wobbuffet grins and chows down on the last hamburger.
"Et Tu, Wobbuffet!?!" gasps James, and then a sheet of paper blows into his face. He sits and stares at the paper, reading it with surprise. Jesse and Meowth return and ask James to read the paper for them, as apparently Jesse is too pretty to read and Meowth has already forgotten his Aeuio Aeuio song. The paper is a flier advertising the very same Grass Tournament that Ash and Ephram are entering. The prize is a trophy AND Leafstones! Leafstones, which force or cause the evolution of the appropriate Grass Type Pokemon! Team Rocket have to have it, and James knows that he can enter with Victreebell. He calls out the screaming yellow bulb which promptly attempts to swallow him.... James kicks and cries for release, quite obviously scared if the large lump in the seat of his pants is any indication.
Don't believe it? Check out the episode for yourself!
As Jesse stares at her scared shitless (literally!) teammate, she wonders aloud about increasing their chances for victory. She decides that yes, she will enter as well! Thus doubling their chances of victory. There is only one problem, as Meowth suggests..... they don't have another Grass-Type Pokemon so she's out of luck.
Jesse just stares down at Meowth with a grin, a very scary looking grin as her face widens and twists frighteningly as Meowth appears to suffer a very bad acid flashback.....
Maybe they got these obviously VERY 'special' burgers from Ephram's parents?
Speaking of Ephram, the young lad is outside training up his Skiploom, having it work on it's DoubleTeam, increasing it's speed and pushing it further and further. Finally, as it seems that Skiploom is just going to lose it and collapse, he calls for it to rest before waxing poetic about how he and Skiploom are like flowers, they both grow a little each day with the proper care.
That and they're green and at the mercy of anyone who wants to pluck them.
Misty and Brock are impressed by Ephrams Protestant work ethic, Misty giving Ash a little nudge by asking him when he and Bulbasaur are going to start training. Ash, as always, has hit his confidence at exactly the wrong time and he explains that he doesn't need to train, he can handle this tournament easily. He walks off to smell the flowers as Misty comments that he's quite confident, and Brock notes that it takes more than confidence to win a tournament.
The next day the Tournament is about to begin, apparently it is the 45th Annual Grass Type Tournament. This would indicate it is fairly legitimate and not just an excuse for Ephrams parents to sell their 'special' plants without arousing suspicion. The various trainers who will be taking part mill around with their Pokemon, including a very exotic looking pair, an Indian Man dressed in traditionally stereotypical clothing, and an Indian Woman done up in robes and facemask so that only her eyes and red dot are displayed. How odd that their skin is so white... and who knew that Indian men had blue hair and Indian women had red hair? Nearly as perplexing though is the odd looking Sunflora with the Indian woman.... it seems less falsely joyful than the usual Sunflora, and more like a cat that has been dressed up as a flower and forced to smile and squint with sticky tape.....
Nahh.... never happen!
Ash is up first to battle, facing off against a drooling Gloom and VERY confident. The Announcer has let everyone know about Ash's high ranking in his rookie year at the Indigo League, which appears to have set Gloom's trainer off, the young buck anxious to prove himself against a blooded trainer.
Haha.... hahahaha...... hahahahaahahahaha..
The young buck has a turned up nose, and that may be because he's constantly sniffing, most likely because he's SHIT! He gets his ass handed to him on a stick in 10 seconds! He orders Gloom to use a Petal Dance Attack but before it back, Bulbasaur grabs it with Vine Whip and smashes it up into the air and then down into the ground. Ash has won faster than a very fast thing doing something quite fast!
Ephram is up next against the mysterious Mr Semaj, whose lady companion strangely calls him James from the stands. Mr Semaj calls out Victreebell which immediately goes on the attack, using Razor Leaf which Skiploom desperately dodges. Victreebell follows up with Vine Whip and again Skiploom dodges, and this continues on and on, Skiploom dodging but not actually attacking, getting more and more tired until finally it can no longer dodge the attacks and is caught by Victreebell. The screaming yellow bulb tosses Skiploom high and prepares to use Tackle... but finally Ephram and Skiploom have a chance to strike! Skiploom fires out a Leechseed which hits Victreebell and drains the surprised Pokemon off of it's energy.
Surrounding Victreebell with a Double Team attack, Victreebell is completely out of it's element and it comes as no surprise when it conks out, leaving Mr Semaj defeated in the first round!
Ephram's parents are ecstatic, having consumed some 'happy plants' before coming out to be amongst the 'norms' and they proudly proclaim to all about them that they're so proud of their little boy! As Ephram stares in horror and embarrassment at his stoned parents, Ash prepares for his second opponent, who comes out to the blown fanfare of Mr Semaj, who seems to enjoy blowing the horn a bit too much. The 'mysterious beauty' is announced as Essej, who was using the bizarre looking Sunflora. Ash is of course confident, the Sunflora looks puny, he knows that Bulbasaur can take it and hopes for another quick victory, calling for Bulbasaur to start with a Take Down Attack..... and it promptly runs into a SCRATCH ATTACK?
Scratch Attack!?! How can a Sunflora use a Scratch Attack? However it did it, it prepares to use another one and a shocked Bulbasaur flinches... which allows Sunflora to KICK Bulbasaur!
Damn, they play for keeps in this dirtwater burg!
As Ash tries to figure out how a Sunflora can be using attacks like this, Sunflora starts using Fury Swipes on a perplexed Bulbasaur, cutting and scratching. Ash has had enough, he cries for Bulbasaur to make some room for itself by using Razor Leaf, which Sunflora almost dodges..... the one leaf that hits cutting away a leaf on Sunfloras head to reveal... an ear?
Ash screams for Bulbasaur to keep using Razor Leaf and the Sunflora is ripped to shreds, parts of its body falling away to reveal... MEOWTH!
Essej and Semaj jump up besides the Meowth (which has it's groin painted green!) and begin screaming at it that it has ruined their plan just as they were about to be victorious. Ash demands to know who they are and gets a shocking answer.
"Prepare for troubles our word to the wise!" cries Essej.
"And make it double it's us in disguise!" adds Semaj.
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Yes it's Team Rocket blasting off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight fight fight, fight!"
"Meowth, dat's right!"
OH MY GOD EVERYONE IT'S TEAM ROCKET! WHODDA THUNK IT!?!?!?!
Jesse and James explain that they've come for the Leaf Stones and rush to grab them.... and Bulbasaurs Vine Whip slaps them away and sends them blasting off again..... rather damn easily if you ask me!
With Team Rocket exposed and quickly disposed of, the tournament continues with Ash and Ephram easily winning through until finally it comes down to the final..... Ash versus Ephram, Bulbasaur versus Skiploom!
Ephrams parents watch on, their 'happiness' wearing off as they realise their son stands little chance against the veteran 13 year old Ash. Realising this they attempt to justify their weakling boys inevitable defeat by telling Ash and Ephram they're proud of both of them, and that it doesn't really matter to them who wins.
Even Hippies lie, it seems.
The match begins, Skiploom using Double Team to fill the arena with blurred, fake images of itself. Bulbasaur doesn't panic though, despite the speed Ash knows he can win and uses the tried and trued method that worked for Chikorita the previous day. Bulbasaur uses Razor Leaf but the attacks all fail to find their mark. Each image that is exposed as a fake by a Razor Leaf is replaced by a new false image. Ephram is growing confident, knowing that his Skiploom is faster than Ash expected it to be. He calls for Skiploom to fire a Leech Seed Attack, but Bulbasaur swats the attack away with a Vine Whip.... and the seed hits Skiploom in the midst of its DoubleTeam and sends it sprawling. The emphasis on speed over strength and defence may have cost Skiploom and Ephram dearly.
Bulbasaur does not rest on it's laurels, slapping Skiploom with a Vine Whip that puts it down and almost out. Ash then taunts and mocks Ephram even further by offering him the chance to surrender, saying he doesn't want to hurt Skiploom any more.
This is where Mountain Justice comes into play however, as Ephram uses the extension of Ash's mercy (however mocking it may or may not be) to have Skiploom prepare one last ultimate attack. The flower on Skiplooms head begins to take in sun as Ephram stalls for it, pretending not to notice, giving a pep talk more for Ash's benefit than anything else. He lulls the overconfident Ash into a false sense of security before spurning the offer to forfeit, causing Ash to prepare a final humiliation by sending in Bulbasaur to finish things off with a Tackle Attack.... and Skiploom lets loose with a Solar Beam and sends Bulbasaur soaring across the stadium and smashing into the ground!
It's over! Ephram's innocent little boy act has fooled Ash! He has stepped right into an asskicking! Bulbasaur can't get up from a Solar Beam Attack like that, it must surely be unco.....
Except Ash has good reason to be so overconfident.
Bulbasaur begins to struggle to it's feet, gritting it's teeth, obviously more pissed off at that pissy little Solar Beam than anything else, and ready to kick Skiplooms ass. There is no way Skiploom has anything left in it's tank and Bulbasaur is just getting started, it looks like an old fashioned ass whupping is about to take place....
Enter Mountain Justice.
The LOCAL Judge suddenly declares that the still moving, still conscious Bulbasaur is unable to battle and cannot continue! The match is declared over, Ash has lost! To a little boy! To the ignorant mountainbred son of hippies!
Ephram and Skiploom walk victoriously over to Ash as Bulbasaur slumps down in disgust, glaring at its 'victorious' opponents as they walk over to check on it. Brock and Misty join Ash on the battle arena and make jokes about Bulbasaur only hurt it's pride, not realising how true this is, Bulbasaur wasn't injured, it was ready to kick some Skiploom ass! But regardless, the incestuous little tournament is over, Ash has received a valuable lesson about being so overconfident that you leave yourself open to getting screwed over by corrupt tournament officials, and most importantly, Ephram has won a bunch of leafstones to evolve his parents Grass Pokemon so they can have stronger, more powerful Pokemon to operate as slave labour and increase their farms productivity.
And isn't that what the 60's taught us was REALLY important?
| BEST QUOTES |
 "I do what i can to help the kids."
 "Ah, isn't this nice. clouds of white, a sky of blue, and a plate of hamburgers. Ahhh I'm so happy!"
 "I only got one request you guys. Don't foitilise me!"
"Flora, Flora!"
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