173: Ariados, Amigos
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Ahhh fuck it, let's face facts, the twerps are hanging out by a pretty lakeside in no great hurry to get anywhere at all. Ash and Pikachu are washing up on the lakeshore, Brock is preparing lunch and Misty is off picking flowers.
The young girl plucks flowers and makes big eyes as she imagines all kinds of girly fantasies while her vile leech Togepi stumbles drunkenly around roaring with laughter, even falling on it's inebriated face at one point. Misty helps it up and then her mood is spoiled as she notes someting..... odd.... sticking out of a nearby bush. A feeling of dread settles over her and she lets out a short yelp of fear which reaches the ears of Ash and Brock lakeside. Rushing to her side, they stare at the bush in confusion, there doesn't appear to be anything there but flowers, leaves and stems.
But Pikachu looks a little deeper than the mindless Ash and blinded Brock, pulling the leaves apart to reveal..... a big freaking spider which looks roughly the size of Ash!
"Ariados, the long legged Pokemon," Dexter explains to them, "The evolved form, of, Spinarak. Ariados is able to spin, extremely strong, sticky webs, to trap its, adversaries."
As Ash muses over possible uses for that strong sticky web (and hentai fans do likewise) Brock suggests the Pokemon might not be in the best of shape. It hasn't moved since they got there.... which is just fine by Misty.
"Ariados! I've found you!" cries a voice and the twerps look up at the trees to see 4 badly animated cells of a black shape drop towards the ground. A young lady with tied back green hair drops dramatically to the ground. Brock has already recognised the voice and, of course, he'd never forget some'body' like her! It's Aya from the Fuschia Gym!
Yes Aya, the Ninja-Trainer who greeted Ash to the gym with ninja stars and bad goth poetry on their first meeting! Brock remembers her, but does she remember him?
"Sure, how could I forget you Brook!" smiles Aya to the gushing Brock.
"Hahahaha, that's close enough!" laughs Brock pathetically before grabbing her by the hand, "Ahhhh Cupid must have shot his arrows into our hearts just like Ariados shoots its web!"
"....huh?" asks Aya.... and then an angry voice proclaims that the time for test has come. Suddenly Ariados' eyes open and it leaps into readiness. Aya pulls free of Brock and commands Venonat to use it's Stun Spore, but Ariados is already shooting a web into a treebranch and using it to swing away. Aya gives chase with Venonat as everyone stares in shock, then a lovestruck Brock zooms after them, followed by Ash and eventually Misty as she realises she's been left alone.
Aya and Venonat chase Ariados as it swings from tree to tree with the greatest of ease. She calls on Venonat to use Poison Sting and the bizarre Pokemon spins about, shooting off poison stings that snap Ariados' web and send it crashing onto it's back on the ground. An overconfident Aya orders Venonat to use tackle..... and the mysterious voice declares she has fallen into their trap. Venonat hits an invisible web of Ariados' making and it crashes to the ground, trapped!
Brock, Ash and Misty arrive on the scene and Ash once again proves his amazing stupidity by declaring that someone has thrown a net over Venonat.... Brock quietly explaining to the foolish boy that it's a web spun by Ariados.
The mysterious voice once again speaks, warning Aya that she has failed and still has much to learn. Ash demands that the mysterious voice expose himself.... GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA! and he does so, a shadowy figure leaping out of the trees and landing at Ariados' side.... it's an old man with weird hair!
Ash demands to know who the old man with weird hair is and why he is attacking Aya. She explains that he is her Pokemon Tutor and is training her in Pokemon Jujitsu.
Ash of course, is completely confused.
The old man with the weird hair takes them to his training academy where an excited Ash gushes over the number of Pokemon. There are scores of students working with Pokemon in training/meditation, apparently all learning the art of Pokemon Jujitsu. The old man with the weird hair (Aya's Master) explains that trainers are constantly coming to the Dojo to learn from their Pokemon. Attacks used by various Pokemon can be learned by the trainers here..... if they learn correctly. Brock excitedly decides that if Aya has come here to learn at the feet of a Pokemon Tutor, then he can be HER student! He calls out Pineco and hugs it with one arm, telling Aya that he and Pineco are a good team, but with her help they can be a great one..... and Pineco promptly explodes.
This premature 'explosion' aside, Misty and Ash think that Brock is on to the right concept, they wouldn't mind learning as well. Aya offers them the opportunity to learn, and Ash and Misty instantly answer with the most important question.
"Would we have to pay?"
The Master didn't become a master by accident though, he knows how to get in more students. He explains that they can have one day of free classes.......
Foolish Master, thinking to whet their appetites with free classes and have them come back to pay for more? It didn't work for AOL and it won't work for you! Besides which, you may be a Master of Jujitsu, but Ash is a master of freeloading!
Next we find Ash dressed up in the fighting gear of the Dojo, though he retains his cap. Ash wears red, Brock yellow and Misty blue.
"It feels funny to be wearing long pants!" chuckles Misty, who has grown accustomed to being the Daisy Duke of the preteen set. The Master explains that the colours of their costumes represents the classes they will take part in. Red is for learning battle techniques, yellow is for technical classes that lift the effectiveness of an attack, and blue is for the beauty classes where secrets of health and nutrition are learnt.
Yeah nice, stick the chick in the Home Economics class..... this dojo IS old fashioned!
Misty is none too impressed either, stating that she wants to take part in learning battle techniques. The Master convinces her otherwise, explaining that this particular beauty class is held only once a year, is attended by people from all over the place, and makes you look like a movie star! Misty immediately goes over all girlish and eagerly decides that she DOES want to take part in the beauty classes after all, it's a dream come true!
Or a nightmare.
The terrified young girl finds herself sitting at a table in front of a line of Spinarak, one of which immediately spooges in her face... which apparently is great for the skin, if you can ever get it off.
Pokekakke anyone?
In the technical classes, Brock volunteers to take part in an activity to work on speed and technique in a field trial. A series of balloons have been set up in lines around the field, and Brock has Pineco spin and use it's Spike Attack to blast the balloons left and right. The other students are immensely impressed, as is the trainer who commends Brock on being in tune with his Pineco..... who promptly explodes in Brock's face.
Over in the attack classes, a Houndour faces off against a Hypno as Ash and other students watch on. The Hypno attempts to put Houndour under, but it blocks with a Smoke Attack, feints to catch Hypno offguard and hits it with a Flamethrower to take the battle. Ash is very impressed, but now it's his turn, facing off against Aya!
He takes the field with Bulbasaur to face off against Aya's Venonat, ready to beat her down into the ground again. She warns him she's trained up since they last met and Venonat rushes in to fight.... and gets tripped by Bulbasaur's Vinewhip. Bulbasaur then promptly hits it with a Leechseed to drain it's energy, Venonat tearing loose and firing out a Supersonic to confuse Bulbasaur. Bulbasaur staggers dizzily and Venonat prepares to tackle, but Bulbasaur is a stubborn little bastard and recovers promptly, launching through the air using it's Vinewhip as a springboard and then slapping it's vines around Venonat. Hauling the bizarre fuzzball into the air, it crashes it back down and knocks it stupid.
Aya the Ninja just got her ass handed to her by a little boy for the second time in a row.
Aya lies to Venonat, telling it that it deserves a rest after such a good attitude, and then has to suffer through the humiliation of Ash pretending she put up a good fight and that he only won by luck. As she makes light of her utter humiliation, she is watched from a distance by a very familiar and welcome trio.
It's Team Rocket!
"Dere's our pal, Pikachu!" exclaims Meowth, looking at the dojo through binoculars.
"Yes and a Bulbasaur, a Venonat, a Houndour, a Hypno, a Gloom and a Spinarak too!" James gleefully agrees.
"Oooh if we can steal that whole pack of Pokemon we could sell them to collectors and make a bundle!" grins Jesse.
"WOBBBB-BUH!!" proclaims Wobbuffet, bravely saluting as it leaps up from behind them on the roof they're perched on.
"Bundle, not bungle! Go away!" hisses Meowth, shoving Wobbuffet down like a College Senior on his first date with a freshman.
Jesse orders them forward, and they prepare to make good on their plans to make the Pokemon disappear.... even as Wobbuffet gets in one last, "Wobbuffet!"
That night, Misty grumbles about her day sitting on her bunk.
"That treatment made me look like a movie star all right," she complains, "The star of a horror movie!"
"At least you didn't get your face blown up," grumbles Brock, lying face down on his own bunk.
Ash simply sits gape-jawed and happy, a slack-jawed yokel from Pallet Town until Pikachu gets his attention, calling him over to the window with a, "Pika-Pi!"
Ash looks outside and is eventually directed by Pikachu to the woods by the training grounds. There Aya and Venonat are working on their agility, desperately trying to improve their skills. Ash gets dressed and comes out with Pikachu to see what's going on. Quite cruelly, Ash makes fun of Aya by telling her that all of her effort is obviously paying off and it's no wonder Venonat has gotten so good. He assures her that as long as she keeps doing what she's doing she'll do fine. This is really quite vicious considering Ash just finished whipping her ass far easier than in their first battle so long ago. If Ash wasn't so unbelievably stupid, one would almost think he was taking the piss.
Venonat suddenly rushes off, Aya explaining to Ash that it appears to be alarmed by something. They follow it to the sleeping quarters of the students where all the lights suddenly switch on, the students crying out that their Pokeballs have been stolen!
Ash and Aya take off to see if they can find the thieves, and find themselves keeping pace with Brock and Misty who have appeared on the scene..... and then the Master zooms by them with a speed that belies his years.
A blast fires into the air, getting their attention as fireworks go off and two very familiar silhouettes appear.
"Prepare for trouble," says Jesse, emerging from the rooftop dressed in a blue tuxedo, orange bowtie, Dame Edna style glasses and a top hat!
"And make it double," adds James, similarly decked out in a red tuxedo, large bowtie and dame edna glasses.... though sadly without the same pink ruffled shirt Jesse sports.
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!" cries Jesse, removing her top hat to allow Pidgey's to fly out over and over again.
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!" throws out James, holding a cane that spontaneously blooms flowers.
"Meowth, dat's right!" agrees Meowth, wearing his own bow tie and bearing two decks of playing cards.
"What do you want!?!?" growl the twerps angrily.
"We want to dazzle you with a bit of magic!" proclaims James dramatically, hands on hips and ass towards the camera.
"We're proud purveyors of presdestigitation!" cries Meowth, who has enough trouble with one syllable words!
"WOBBUFFET!" cries Wobbuffet, appearing on screen with a glittering golden suit, red bowtie (even it's tail has one!) and blue top hat!
Jesse calls Wobbuffet back, then pulls out a little wand and mercilessly takes the piss out of Sailor Moon/Cardcaptor Sakura by imitating their attack/spell poses before performing the amazing levitating Pokeball trick..... she, James and Meowth jump on a net full of Pokeballs and the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon takes off!
Ash rushes forward (prepares in the hope of suddenly spontaneously teleporting 40 feet up in the air?) but is stopped by a metallic hand shooting forward and slapping into his shoulder, grabbing Pikachu and hauling it up to a waiting Meowth, whose grabbing device promptly cages the little yellow Pokemon.
The enraged Master charges forward, leaping into the air as Ariados skitters after him. A series of extendible poles shoot out of the Master's back and a sail covers it. Ariados' webbing shoots up and catches the makeshift kite, anchoring the Master to the ground and charging forward, carrying the Master through the air after Team Rocket as Ash, Misty, Brock and Aya give chase.
"Operation Hocus Pokemon worked like magic!" giggles James as the balloon sails serenely along.
"Abracadabra!" chuckles Meowth.
"Hey what's that up there!?!" snaps Jesse as she spots the Master approaching.
"A kite.... at night?" rhymes James, as the Master pulls out some ninja stars and throws them at the balloon, puncturing it and letting air escape.
"Hey Pops!" yells Meowth, "What's da big idea!?!"
Jesse calls out Arbok to return the favour by using Poison Sting. The Master tries to dodge but fails, and his kite too begins to fall.
"Haha!" laughs Jesse, "Bye bye, fly guy!"
"Just when fings wuz looking up, we're going down," sighs Meowth as they slowly descend. As Jesse yells at James and Meowth to do something, the Master spots the Pokeballs hanging from the basket and throws another ninja star, cutting it free. He directs his failing kite underneath the plummeting Pokeballs and catches it.... which unfortunately sends him dropping down as well. Noting Aya and the twerps chasing just below, he drops the Pokeballs to a waiting Brock.... who falls on his back under the weight as the Master and Team Rocket crash into the ground. Pikachu's cage flies into a tree and gets stuck in a branch, Ash rushing up and clambering like a Mankey up the trunk as Aya reaches her Master and tries to help him up as Ariados skitters up next to them.
"Hey!" cries Jesse, getting their attention.
"You have some nerve attacking us!" yells Jesse.
"Yeah" growls Meowth,"Now Team Rocket demands retritbulation!" The Master knows that Ariados cannot battle, it is exhausted from running all this way. But Aya is here with Venonat, and she can battle in his place. Aya quite rightly is shocked, she's crap and she knows it, she's taken an assbeating from Ash twice in a row, she's getting constantly beaten up by her Master in training exercises.... she can't win! But the Master tells her everyone is always learning and now it's time for her to step up. She moves forward to attack as Arbok leaps out, getting Venonat to use Stun Spore which the agile Arbok easily dodges. Both Pokemon try Poison Sting Attack and Venonat's is overpowered.....
Overpowered.
By Arbok.
Trained by Jesse.
The worst Pokemon Trainer ever.
Aya isn't so much of a ninja as she is a nin-ohmygodshe'scrap-ja.
The Master calls for Aya to remember her training, remember things that happened, and Aya does.... she remembers the way Ariados tricked her and Venonat and gave her another in a long line of asswhuppings.... and she gets an idea. She orders Venonat to rest!
Everyone - including Team Rocket - is shocked! Rest! But that will leave Venonat entirely defenceless! Not wanting to give this great opportunity up Jesse orders Arbok to use it's Wrap Attack. Arbok puts the squeeze on Venonat, crushing it and crushing it as Aya looks calmly on.... then orders Venonat to use Stun Spore.
Too locked into it's attack to get loose, Arbok is knocked stupid onto it's back as the twerps and the Master show their approval for Aya's strategy. She has turned weakness into strength, lulling Team Rocket into a false sense of security by letting them crush Venonat's internal organs for a bit before it knocks them out.
"Arbok get up you wormy weakling!" demands James, shocked that Arbok is getting thrashed by such a crap Pokemon. He and Meowth decide to battle as a team with Jesse to overcome Aya, but before they can, Ash and Pikachu arrive again. Ash once again severely disrespects Aya by claiming he wants to take over the battle, and he promptly sends Team Rocket blasting off again! With Aya shown up once again by Ash, it's no surprise she's eager to see them off. She and the Master return to the Dojo where they say goodbye to the twerps, the Master lecherously suggesting another facial for Misty, which she nervously turns down. They turn and leave, leaving behind Aya at a turning point, she's finally won a battle, trouble was.... it was against Team Rocket!
Speaking of which.... what happened to Team Rocket?
"We're just like three little flies," sobs James, clutching to a loose strand of web hanging from a wild Ariados' web stretched between two cliff-faces.
"Well we don't have wings, so hold on tight!" sobs Jesse angrily.
"Is dis what dey mean by being on da web?" sniffles Meowth, unable to resist PUN-ishing us all even in a situation like this.
"Woobbbuh.....!" starts Wobbuffet, popping out to salute then wrapping it's clublike arms around Jesse as it realises it's predicament.
"Meowth said web you blob, not wob!" snaps Jesse. "Get back in your ball!" growls James.... and then the web snaps and the plummet.
"NOT AGAIN!" they cry before disappearing into the darkness, with only a lone cry from Wobbuffet to farewell us for yet another episode.
Still, it could be worse.
They could be Aya.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "What's Pokemon jujitsu?"
 "Would we have to pay?"
"Huh?"
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