167: A Better Pill To Swallow
|
|
"You've been stuffing yourself again!" snaps Brock.
"Ash, at lunch you did eat four hamburgers!" chides Misty.
"I did not!" grumbles a weakened Ash angrily, "I had five!"
As Misty and Brock stumble in shock, Pikachu tugs Ash's pantsleg and whimpers, "Pika-pi!"
Ash assures Pikachu that he's okay and tries to stand, and instantly falls to his knees again. This intervention may have come none too soon, as it becomes clear the little boy has been overindulged far too long.
Misty takes pity on the poor fool though, and asks Brock if he has anything to give Ash that will make him feel better. Brock did, but it seems he's all out now, and looks about amongst the trees and forest in hope of finding an all hours pharmacy.
As they look, a spooky voice from behind Brock and Misty captures their attention. They turn about looking for the source, but the forest is deserted! Slightly spooked, they both look to each other for assurance that they both heard the same thing, and a third voice chimes in to assure them that they did.
Looking down, they're shocked to see a tiny old man standing grinning before them.
"ARHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" squeals Brock, "It's one of those evil disgusting little trolls!"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING EVIL AND DISGUSTING!?!?!" the old man screeches angrily, then calms himself. Tugging down the brim of his large hat, he tells them, "Oh ho-ho-ho, I may be little but I'm not a troll, I'm Old Man Shuckle!"
"Old Man Shuckle?" asks Misty.
Yes gentle Dodgers, Old Man Shuckle. Say hello to a deceptively cute little man who will be responsible for some of the dodgiest Pokemon/Human scenes you'll ever see.
Old Man Shuckle teases the twerps for a bit, pretending he won't help Ash get better, but after some pleading from Brock and Misty agrees to help out. Approaching Ash, the old man pokes his stomach to see where it hurts, then pulls out a red bottle and offers the contents to Ash.
Teaching children everywhere that taking pills from strange men in unfamiliar forests is a good idea, Ash swallows three pills and instantly feels better.... until purple smoke explodes out of his mouth.
Misty confronts Old Man Shuckle and demands to know what he puts in the medicine, and is informed that he put the same thing in it he puts in ALL of his POKEMON medicine.
"YOU GAVE HIM POKEMON MEDICINE!?!?!?!" roars Misty at the terrified old man, as Ash sits up and happily beams that he feels all right now.
Yes Ash's stomach ache is all gone much to Misty and Brock's surprise. It seems that Old Man Shuckle is... but wait, what's this? Ash cries out in pain once again.
"What was that?" asks Brock, concerned.
"That was a hunger pain," Ash replies, as large sweatdrops form over Misty and Brock's head.
Old Man Shuckle waddles smugly over, informing the unbelievers that the potions he brews work equally well on Pokemon AND humans. Brock is astonished by this revelation, this tiny little man is the one who created that potion!
"I knew the second I saw you that you were like a wizard or something!" Brock proclaims vaguely.
"I like to think so," agrees Old Man Shuckle. "Just look at you!" gasps Brock admiringly, "You're surrounded by a magical light!"
And indeed he is, a kind of reverse imaged Japanese Flag shines behind Old Man Shuckle, which is quite impressive...... until Misty notices he's holding a flashlight behind his back.
Regardless of this, Old Man Shuckle invites the kids back to his place, and since it's a well known fact that there is nothing at all untoward about going back to a strange old man's house in the middle of a deserted forest, the twerps accept.
Inside the hidden cabin where Old Man Shuckle lives we discover a number of very peculiar items. Natural herbs, mortar and pestle, loose papers, grounds herbs and mysterious powders.
Yes it seems the twerps have stumbled upon the local tinny house.
Indeed Brock seems to have figured this out.
"But what you make isn't ordinary natural medicine, is it?" Brock asks slyly.
"Eeeehehehe," cackles Old Man Shuckle, "No it's not!"
"There's that magic light again!" cries Brock as the magic light once again appears.... until Misty rushes up behind him and pulls his flashlight from him.
"Better save the batteries!" she giggles as Old Man Shuckle blushes.
"Truth be told young man," Old Man Shuckle admits, "There is a secret to how I make my natural medicines."
"YOU HAVE IT TO TELL ME!" gasps Brock, then slides on one knee up to Old Man Shuckle, "I'd keep it a secret!"
"If you'd keep it a secret," ponders Misty, "Why shouldn't he?"
Brock's expectant look becomes crestfallen as Misty's logic sinks in, muttering, "I guess that's true."
"Don't worry," smiles Old Man Shuckle, "I'll tell you." Old Man Shuckle leads them out of the shack to another shack out back, one carefully locked and sealed to keep 'the man' out. Old Man Shuckle unlocks it and leads them inside, where they find shelves and shelves of, as Brock calls them, hard shelled pods.
Yes, red and white pods with holes blocked by corks sit in the shelves. These are the secret of Old Man Shuckle's 'special potions'
Misty places Togepi on her shoulder and grabs out one of the pods, revealing that only the three facing holes are corked, the ones on back left open.
"There must be something inside that makes them...." Misty starts, before suddenly a kind of yellow tentacle slides out and grabs her by the wrist.
"Ahhh!" she squeals and drops the pod to the ground. "What's the matter, what's wrong?" asks Ash, who apparently sees nothing disturbing in yellow tentacles grabbing young girls by the limbs.
A billion hentai fans could tell you differently, Ash.
"There's something alive inside!" Misty yells.
"Shuckle," mutters the confused pod as suddenly arms, legs and a head emerge out of the uncorked holes, much to the horror of the twerps.
"Ohohoho, that's just one of my Shuckle," Old Man Shuckle informs them.
"Shuckle?" asks Ash, pulling out Dexter.
"Shuckle, the mould, Pokemon. When Shuckle, places organic material in it's podlike shell, the items are transformed, into a, unique juice. Shuckle are naturally shy, and are most often found hiding beneath rocks."
Old Man Shuckle then explains how he makes his foul, forbidden dru.... ahhh, helpful medicines.
Apparently Old Man Shuckle puts all of the ingredients needed for his potions into the Shuckle Pod. Inside it's turned into juice, and then he uncorks the blocked holes to pour the juice out and voila, he has his potions.
So..... he puts herbs and liquids INTO the Shuckle, a digestive process takes place breaking it all down into a liquid, and then he uncorks a hole at the BACK of the Shuckle and pours out the juice, which he then gives to Pokemon or freeloading little boys.
HE'S PEDDLING SHUCKLE-SHIT!
Regardless of this horrific revelation, the twerps seem enamoured rather than disgusted by the old man's perversions. Old Man Shuckle then explains that regular Shuckle's will create the standard shi.... medicines required to help Pokemon become stronger with more powerful attacks. However, a special kind of Shuckle (purple rather than red) will produce a substance that will allow ANYONE to tame any Pokemon.
Brock is stunned by this idea.... why if he could get his hands on that substance then he'd be the greatest Pokemon Breeder (snicker) ever!
Pikachu seems less enamoured by this idea, as it struggles to pull free from Brock's embrace as he gets lost in his own little fantasy world once again.
"I'VE NEVER ASKED YOU FOR A FAVOUR BEFORE MAINLY BECAUSE I'VE NEVER MET YOU BEFORE!" cries Brock as he clutches a nervous Pikachu in his arms, "But I'd be the happiest person in the world if you gave me that Shuckle Juice!"
And this is when the reason for Old Man Shuckle's helpfulness becomes apparent.
It seems that drug-peddling is a young man's game. Old Man Shuckle isn't as spry as he used to be and getting up into the forest to track down all the Shuckle is getting tougher and tougher. To help him, though, he has Spoopy.
"What's a spoopy?" asks Ash.
.......
No, no it's too easy.
Spoopy is the name of Old Man Shuckle's Bellsprout, which apparently has a keen sense of smell. It is able to use scent to find the Shuckle in the forest and then sniff to figure out if the Shuckle-Shit is ripe enough to take.
But all this to-ing and fro-ing is getting too much for Old Man Shuckle, who isn't a Young Man Shuckle anymore. Ash questions why he doesn't just capture the Shuckle and keep them back at his place. But Old Man Shuckle explains that free-range Shuckle-Shit just works so much better than Battery-Farm Shuckle Shit. Only Wild Shuckle can make the 'juice' powerful enough to be of use in Old Man Shuckle's potions. So every year he goes up with Spoopy into the forest, gets a bunch of Shuckle, takes them back to his place, forces the 'ingredients' into them, corks up their asses and then takes them back up into the forest. A year later, he'll go back up into the forest with Spoopy and collect the Shuckle again and pour out their 'juice' to make his potions.
"But even with my Spoopy, I still need quite a bit of help," the anally fixated Old Man Shuckle explains, "That's why I was thinking if all of you pitch in...."
"Then Brock gets some juice!" Misty innocently cries, at the same time hunching down and holding Togepi away from her with a look of fear and disgust on her face (don't believe us? Watch the episode!).
As Old Man Shuckle convinces the kids to collect his illicit substances for him, their conversation is being overheard through a long listening pipe by.... who else but our beloved Team Rocket!
"Did you hear what I heard?" asks Meowth, the trio hidden up a tree.
"With that juice we could be the Masters of The Pokemon Universe!" gasps James.
"If we get our hands on those Shuckle," grins Jesse, "We'll be the richest trio anywhere!"
"Ahhhh!" they all gasp happily together.
Meanwhile the twerps are loaded up with carts and ready to follow Spoopy. Old Man Shuckle warns them that keeping up with his Spoopy isn't as easy as it might seem. The twerps seem confident, until Spoopy takes off with a scream of, "SPROUTSPROUTSPROUTSPROUTSPROUT!" leaving them choking on Spoopy dust.
"Follow that Spoopy!" cries Old Man Shuckle and the twerps take off after it.
"How fast can Spoopy go?" Misty asks as they struggle to keep up with the Bellsprout as it overturns logs and rocks, rushing here and there sniffing at the unearthed Shuckle's to see if their 'juice' is ripe.
"That Spoopy's pretty speedy," gasps Ash, adding to the long line of quips.
Suddenly Spoopy finds a Shuckle it likes the smell off. It grabs it with it's Vine Whip and hurls it into the air for Brock to catch. Then suddenly it goes crazy (you would to if you had to constantly sniff Shuckle Shit) and begins hurling Shuckle everywhere.
"Hey I'm a breeder, not an outfielder!" cries Brock.
"They're all over!" gasps Misty.
"It's like a Shuckle Shower!" adds Ash.
Pikachu attempts to make Spoopy see reason, but gets knocked onto it's ass by a flying Shuckle.
As Shuckle fly everywhere, Spoopy suddenly catches a scent and takes off at a huge burst once again. Brock seemingly catches the gist of Spoopy's thinking instantly.... it must be the Purple Shuckle that Old Man Shuckle wants so desperately!
He takes off with his cart, leaving behind Ash, Misty and scores of Shuckle to give chase. Tearing off downhill, Brock is still struggling to keep up with Spoopy when his cart hits a rock and knocks him on top of it, and sends him soaring even faster downhill after the manic Bellsprout.
Later on we find Ash and Misty wandering through the forest with their carts laden with Shuckle. They call and call for Brock but there is no answer. And then they find him, crashed in his cart in the bushes, moaning and aching, Shuckle's all over him with their yellow, stump limbs caressing him.
"I couldn't keep up with Spoopy," he groans.
Helping Brock out, they continue on their way trying to find Spoopy. It should be easy, they simply have to follow the trail of unearthed Shuckle. And yes, eventually they finally find Old Man Shuckle's Spoopy.... sitting on a rock conversing with the purple Shuckle!
The two seem to be old friends, having a good old chinwag about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness or some other good shit. Misty romantically ponders what they could be talking about.
"I bet they're talking about a world we can never imagine," she sighs.
"I can imagine a world where girls flock to me cause I'm suave and charming!" gasps Brock happily, hugging himself and blushing furiously.
"Get real Brock," sighs Ash.
HA! Even Ash isn't that stupid!
"Prepare for trouble!" Jesse's voice suddenly calls out "And make it double, trouble's what we're about!" adds James, before he and Jesse slowly lower down out of the trees, feet hooked through loops at the end of a wire they clutch to for balance.
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight."
"WOBBBBBUHHH...." starts Wobbuffet before Meowth pushes him out of the way.
"Quit trying tah steal my line!" hisses Meowth... and Wobbuffet pushes back.
"Wobbuffet!" it gladly proclaims, saluting happily.
"Leave that Shuckle alone, it doesn't belong to you!" cries Brock as Jesse lifts up the purple Shuckle.
"It belongs to us now, kid," chuckles Jesse, eliciting laughs from James and Meowth.
Point of Order: Jesse is entirely right. Old Man Shuckle has already pointed out that the Shuckle he uses are all wild Pokemon, and thus they don't 'belong' to anyone. By capturing the purple Shuckle, Jesse has as much right to call it 'hers' as anyone does. Just because the twerps don't happen to like her makes no never mind. One could make the same argument about Wobbuffet, Arbok, Weezing, Victreebell and even Meowth.
Brock however is not concerned with such technicalities as the law, and demands that they give back the Purple Shuckle. What he gets is black gas, as James calls out Weezing to lay down a Smokescreen that allows them to escape.
Brock is horrified. Team Rocket has gotten away, and there's no way they can find them.... no way that is, except for by following Spoopy!
Meanwhile Team Rocket have stopped running now that they're in the clear. There new strategy of 'take the Pokemon and run like buggery' seems to have worked, but it sure is tiring.
"All that running made me thirsty!" gasps Jesse as she clutches the Purple Shuckle to her side.
"Meowth, what did you do with our water bottle?" asks James.
"I turned it in for da deposit," Meowth tells them.
They all sigh and sag... and in doing so shake the Purple Shuckle which makes a sloshing noise. Jesse and James exchange looks over Meowth's head.... maybe one of them should try the Shuckle juice to see if it's okay to drink?
"Hey, why are you grabbing me!?!?!" cries Meowth as James suddenly grabs him and presses him into the ground.
"You must be very thirsty!" grins a devilish low-angle shot of Jesse.
"NOT DAT FIRSTY!" cries Meowth.
"I'm sure it's quite tasty!" grins a devilish long-angle shot of James.
Meowth screams for help but no one is there to stop James from opening his mouth and allowing Jesse to pour fluid from the back orifice of the Purple Shuckle into his mouth.... and he likes it!
Jesse and James start chugging the Shuckle 'juice' down as Meowth begs for more, and before long all three are fighting over who gets to drink the Purple Shuckle's waste products next.
Meanwhile, Spoopy is starting to act a little odd. Stopped by a river it appears to have lost the scent, and as Ash, Brock and Misty try to figure it out, Shuckle start appearing out of nowhere.
The supposedly shy Pokemon are all very much out in the open now, and Brock worries that this looks like trouble.
"You got that right," agrees Old Man Shuckle, appearing out of nowhere, "All the Shuckle that were hiding in these mountains are joining together."
"Yeah," agrees Brock, over his initial shock at the Old Drug Dealer's appearance, "But why?"
"There can only be one reason, the ones who stole the Purple Shuckle must be drinking it's juice."
"HUH!?!?!" cry the twerps.
"If we follow the Shuckle they should lead us right to them," Old Man Shuckle informs, and they set out after the mesmerised Pokemon.
And what of Team Rocket?
Well they're nice and stoned.
"Hmmmm, don't you feel all warm and fuzzy James?" giggles a flushed Jesse as she stares at the clouds.
"Mmmmm, warm and very fuzzy," grins an equally flushed James.
"I feel warm too!" Meowth says off-camera.
"That's nice Meowth," smiles James, then turns his head and sees with some surprise Meowth staring at him with hearts in his eyes.
"Especially when I tink of you!"
"What's wrong with your eyes Meowth?" asks a confused James, losing a little of his buzz as Jesse does an excellent impersonation of OMGHOTSEXPOSE, "They're...."
"Dey're filled wit love for you, Jimmy!" proclaims Meowth, reaching up for a horrified James.
"Eeeee!" cries James.
"I just want tah be near you," sighs Meowth.
"Please don't come any closer!" cries James, "AHHHHH!"
So what's going on?
Well apparently, as Old Man Shuckle is explaining to Brock, drinking the undiluted 'juice' of the Purple Shuckle causes a chemical known as a pheromone emit from the drinker. Pokemon are strongly attracted to this pheromone and will follow it to it's source for three days and three nights without rest.
And as Brock has figured out and James is currently learning, that can mean trouble.
"Hey knock it off, Eeeee!" cries James as Meowth leaps onto him and begins LICKING HIS MOUTH, "I may be a sucker but I'm no lollipop! Stop it this instant!"
Jesse is beginning to get irritated as her happily stoned buzz is spoiled by James' squealing... and now something is nudging her fingers.
"Don't bother me why I'm warm and fuzzy, Meowth," growls Jesse as she feels the unmistakable feeling of tongue on her fingers.
"I'm saving all my love for Jimmy-Wimmy," Meowth retorts as he continues to have his wicked way with James.
"Hmm? asks a confused Jesse as she lifts her arm.... and finds a Shuckle with it's arms and legs wrapped around her forearm as it laps away at her fingers!
"GET OFF ME YOU.....!" squeals Jesse, then suddenly stops as she sees scores and score of Shuckles staring at her. What follows is an extraordinarily dodgy moment as we see dozens of Shuckle's from the neck up, hearts in their eyes and tongues licking their lips as.... as...... as wiggly yellow protuberances see coming out of the base of the camera shot wiggle and jiggle about provocatively.
Yes Gentle Dodgers, Pokemon is simply a kids show with absolutely no sexual connotations to it whatsoever.
"Wha.... wha.... wha....?" starts Jesse, "WHAT'S HAPPENING!"
Hearing the scream, Ash turns in time to see Jesse and James tearing down the forest path towards them. James is struggling to get an enamoured Meowth off of his shoulder as Meowth continues to lick and kiss his face. Jesse, meanwhile, has two Shuckle's clinging tenaciously to her buttocks while a third sits on her shoulder licking her ear.
Yes Gentle Dodgers, Pokemon is simply a kids show with absolutely no sexual connotations to it whatsoever.
"TEAM ROCKET!" screams Ash in case we're not keeping up at home.
"Why don't you get off me!" cries James at Meowth.
"I gotta admit I don't understand it myself, Jimmykins, " admits a lovestruck Meowth, "My brain wants me tah let go but my guts tell me tah hang on!"
Jesse just runs in horror, but that's nothing compared to what happens when one of the Shuckle's clinging to her buttocks reaches around with it's neck and..... licks..... her..... belly button.
"Ahhhhhhhh-Eeeeeeeeeee!" she squeals in horror, then collapses to her knees in shock, "I think we've finally been licked."
It's at this point that Ash makes a demand that they hold it right there, and as Team Rocket try to retort they find themselves surrounded by Shuckle.
Brock accuses them of drinking the juice from the Purple Shuckle, and Team Rocket tells them it's none of their business.
"A man named Old Man Shuckle uses that Shuckle juice in a special mixture that tames any kind of Pokemon... but you drank it pure! Pokemon will be after you for three days and three nights straight! "Nobody told us that!" gasps Jesse.
"Now I know why I have dis indescribable yoining," giggles Meowth.
Misty demands that they hand over the Purple Shuckle before there's more trouble, but Jesse isn't giving up without a fight. She sends out Arbok and Weezing to fight and Ash prepares to defend himself with Pikachu.... except there ain't gonna be a fight when there's all this loving to be had.
Yes Arbok and Wobbuffet have fallen in love with Jesse. Arbok has wrapped it's coils around her body while Wobbuffet happily strokes her beautiful red hair.
James tries to help out, sending out Victreebell which does the standard and attempts to swallow James whole.
"Is Victreebell trying to kiss you or eat you alive?" asks Jesse angrily.
Admitting defeat, Jesse and James call back their Pokemon then turn to Ash.
"Well you win...." gasps Jesse.
"Blast us off already," sighs James.
And Ash actually agrees to do it, calling on Pikachu to use it's Thunderbolt.... except Pikachu isn't listening to him.
Staring at his podgy little Pokemon, Ash is at a loss... why won't it listen to him or even look at him?
Because it's got the hots for Jesse, that's why! Yes dear little Pikachu's French roots are showing at last, as it staggers drunkenly towards Jesse.
Leaping into her arms it begins rubbing it's face against her cheek (and it's crotch across her chest) as it happily sighs with love.
"Awwww," gasps Jesse, "Well isn't this a pleasant little surprise!"
"Pikachu likes.... Jesse!" gasps Ash.
"This has gone far enough!" cries Old Man Shuckle, knowing that Pikachu loving Jesse is a horrible affront to nature. Leaping high in the air the old man throws a dark powder over Team Rocket and all the affected Pokemon.... and negates the affect!
Yes like any good drug dealer Old Man Shuckle deals in Downers as well as Uppers. Now all of the Pokemon are broken from their trances.... or as Meowth puts it, woken up from a nightmare.
But what does that matter to Jesse, she still has the Purple Shuckle AND Pikachu and nothing that anyone can do can change that.
Which is when the Purple Shuckle decides to stick it's tongue down her naval.
"Ahhhhhhhh-Eeeeeeeeeee!" she squeals in horror, tossing the Purple Shuckle high into the air. Spoopy flings it's Vine-Whip into the air and catches it's old friend.
But what does that matter to Jesse, she still has Pikachu and nothing that anyone can do can change that.
Which is when they discover that Old Man Shuckle's powder worked pretty well on Pikachu too. Flinging an angry Pikachu into the air and running away, it's too late for Team Rocket who are promptly blasted off again.
Heading back to Old Man Shuckle's drug shack, the Pusher manages to make more 'juice' than he ever has before. As promised, he offers Brock the pills required to make any Pokemon be yours.... but Brock turns them down!
Having seen the Pokemon desperate for Team Rocket, whom he considers the worst kind of Trainers, Brock has realised that he wants to earn the love of the Pokemon he breeds (snicker). While the reaction might be a natural one, the love it causes is artificial and Brock doesn't want that.
And so, everyone wins today, the twerps learnt a valuable lesson, Old Man Shuckle got someone else to do the dirty work getting the ingredients for his foul and perverted drugs.
And Team Rocket?
Well they're getting a delightfully dodgy reminder of their last Mating Season encounter with Ursaring. Hiding in a tree surrounded on all sides by the giant horny Ursaring, with horny Beedrill hovering above them, they know they're in trouble.
"How much longer are dey gonna be lovey-dovey?" asks Meowth.
"The affects of the juice last for three days!" sobs James.
"Then they'll attack," moans Jesse.
All three think of the alternative to being attacked by the large-drilled insects or massive horny bears for a moment, then proclaim as one.
"I HOPE SO!"
| BEST QUOTES |
 "I'm saving all my love for Jimmy-Wimmy"
 "Ash, at lunch you did eat four hamburgers!"
 "I did not! I had five!"
 "I can imagine a world where girls flock to me cause I'm suave
and
charming!"
 "What's wrong with your eyes Meowth?"
"Dey're filled wit love for you, Jimmy!"
"Pikachu likes.... Jesse??"
"I may be a sucker but I'm no lollipop"
|
|
