166: Beauty And The Breeder
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But while they're relaxed, Brock is not.
It seems that everytime they get to a Pokemon Centre, Brock desperately rushes to a computer to check his e-mail. While one might assume he's checking his porn accounts, the presence of Pikachu and Togepi beside him signify that's not the case in this point (or that Brock's one sick puppy).
And lo and behold, Brock actually HAS got an e-mail for a change, and who is it from? Why it's Suzy!
"Who's Suzy?" asks Ash.
Misty explains to her dim-witted companion that Suzy was the Pokemon Fashion Expert and Breeder (snicker) who dumped the misery that is Vulpix on Brock and then pissed off out of town. Now it seems that Suzy is back involved in the Fashion Industry again, and well well well, it seems that she needs some help to win her first competition back.
Unfortunately for Suzy, the competition is in a town right out of the twerps way called Boninville. So, what with the quickly impending Johto League Championships and all, they're going to have to say no to seeing her again and go on their way.
Upon reaching Boninville the twerps look around at the large number of Pokemon and their trainers. Many of the Pokemon are dressed up ala Salon Rocket style, which indicates that Suzy's heartfelt message of,"Look for the beauty within," lasted all of 2 minutes.
"Hey Brock?" asks Misty, "What kind of contest is this?"
"A Pokemon Catching contest?" suggests Ash, "What Pokemon should I use for this one...."
"It's not a Catching Contest," growls Brock as he brushes Vulpix's coat, "It happens to be an important Pokemon Beauty Contest."
"So that's why you've been grooming Vulpix," says Misty, "You're gonna enter the contest."
"I'm not going to enter the contest, but Vulpix is," corrects Brock, "I'll explain later."
He continues to brush Vulpix's coat, explaining to it that it needs to look beautiful....
"And speaking of beauty, you two could use a little sprucing up," Brock adds, looking up at Ash and Misty, "You can't meet Suzy looking all scruffy and scuzzy."
"You don't look so great yourself, Brock" hisses Misty, glaring back at Brock.
"So how do I look now?" he asks, sliding onto screen in a white tuxedo with red bowtie.
"You look like the ice-cream man...." stumbles Ash as Misty's mouth falls open in a huge grin.
"Ahhh.... what he means is..." stammers a suddenly very coy Misty, "You look very cool and sweet...."
Awww, the little girl's got a crush!
Meanwhile, in another part of town we find a real pair of fashion plates, Jesse and James!
"This is just perfect, an entire town dedicated to the beautification of Pokemon!" smiles Jesse happily.
"It's just our style," grins James, inhaling the fragrance of his rose before sweeping back his hair, "A place that appreciates style."
"At last we've found a place where our taste won't go to waste.... look out world, Jesse's getting dressy!"
Suddenly Jesse is dressed in black boot, red pants and shirt, a leather belt with stylish circular buckle, a blue cravat and blue trenchcoat, the ensemble topped off by a large pair of Dame Edna glass frames.
James slides in beside her, wearing a similar outfit of black boots, blue pants and shirt, standard buckled black leather belt, yellow cravat and blue trenchcoat. Wearing small, rectangular rimless sunglasses with his hair pulled back in a ponytail (giving his fringe an almost Butch-Like appearance) he asks, "And does James look hot or what?"
"It's times like dis I'm glad I'm a Pokemon," sighs Meowth, "Dey haf to get to get dolled up but I can do my doity work in da buff."
"WOH-WOBBUFFET!" agrees Wobbuffet, who also briefly enjoys the nudist lifestyle before getting pulled back into his Pokeball.
"Get back here," she grumbles to her Pokeball, "Meowth said Buff, not Buffet."
Jesse then explains her simple plan to Meowth. She and James will enter the contest and when one of them wins, they'll become instant fashion superstars with intense media interest. Then with their fame they'll open a new Fashion Salon and have customers lined up around the block, make huge amounts of money and become millionaires.
Meowth is decidedly uninterested in this plan until the word millionaires is mentioned. Then he's all for it, even going so far as to agree to a makeover from Jesse and James in order to help them win the contest.
The poor little bastard has no idea what he's just got himself into.
Meanwhile other fashion disasters are going on all around town. A Goldeen that looks like it's been vandalised by inner city youth, a multi-coloured Tangela and a groomed Primape of all things are amongst the many Pokemon getting make-overs from their well-meaning trainers.
Ash, Misty and Brock look around at all the other entries, and Misty at least is impressed by how they look. But it's not just looks that win the contest, Brock explains, but how well the Trainer has raised their Pokemon.
Yeah.... and the talent portion of Miss Universe is the most vital to victory, right Brock?
In any case, Misty spots something that seems to please her as she rushes off in delight. As Brock (still in white tuxedo and clutching Vulpix in one arm and a bouquet of roses in the other) and Ash stand around looking for Suzy, Vulpix suddenly catches a scent.
Leaping out of Brock's arms it takes off as Brock and Ash give chase, running towards a huge wall of shining white light with a girl standing in front of it. The girl turns in slow-motion and lo and behold, it's Suzy!
She catches Vulpix in her arms as it leaps up, and tells it how glad she is to see it as it licks her mouth! Ash arrives and greets her, and she recognises him immediately. Of course, Ash (who didn't know who the hell she was back in the Pokemon center) pretends he always remembered her, while Brock stumbles nervously forward holding the roses up before his face.
"Brock, is that you?" Suzy asks.
"No... I mean yes.... I'm behind the flowers..... they're for you!"
Suzy takes the flowers with a grin, telling Brock they're beautiful.
"NO thank YOU!" stammers out Brock, blushing furiously as a completely confused Ash looks on, "For allowing me to keep your Vulpix for so long."
He bows, "I hope you'll find it in good condition!"
"VULLL-PIX-VULL!" laughs Vulpix, which certainly must be in pretty good condition since it never bloody did anything the entire time Brock had it but eat good food, get groomed and play with the other Pokemon.
Suzy compliments Brock on the great job he did feeding, grooming and cleaning up after HER Pokemon, and Brock proceeds to..... GIVE VULPIX BACK TO HER!
Yes, finally after all this time, the MOST USELESS POKEMON EVER (because Magikarp is at least good for a laugh) is going! Suzy is getting it back, because as Brock explains to Ash, Vulpix was never his to begin with.
Suzy explains to Ash that Brock had suggested to her that rather than, we don't know, actually DO ANY WORK HERSELF, she just take the Pokemon that HE has been looking after, enter it in the contest and take all the glory and respect for herself.
Brock - still labouring under the misapprehension that Suzy isn't the biggest con-artist in fashion since Donnatella Versace - respectfully tells Suzy that he and Ash will leave her to prepare Vulpix now, while he and Ash go purchase their tickets to the contest.
This puts Suzy in a panic. She got on by bullshit and bluster early in her career, then used Brock and his friends to help put her popular competition - Salon Rocket - out of business before building her legend higher by voluntarily stepping out of the industry to 'become a better Fashion Expert'. But now he's going to pull out before she can win the contest? No, she needs him to do all the things that she only pretends to know, so she makes him the 'gracious' offer of being her partner in the contest.
"Me and Suzy... Suzy and me.... together! The two of... ahhhh" gasps Brock, going all red and collapsing to the ground.
"He fainted!" gasps Suzy.
"Hey Misty hurry up, we need some water for Brock.... where'd she go?" Ash cries out, realising for the first time in minutes that Misty isn't about anymore.
So where is she?
Staring at a truly beautiful Pokemon, a Ninetails.
The evolved form of Vulpix, Ninetails is a large, beautifully groomed Pokemon that literally has nine tails. Being groomed carefully by it's attentive Trainer, Misty nevertheless leaps about him asking a million questions until he finally snaps and yells at her to leave him alone.
Which is when Suzy arrives to put him in his place.
Admonishing Zane (because that's his name, Gentle Dodgers) that he should be grateful she thinks his Pokemon is so beautiful, Suzy deeply embarrasses Zane. Not because she's right (because hey, Misty WAS being annoying) but because he really wants to bone her.
Apologising, Zane explains that all his focus was on Ninetails, but now it's on Suzy! Brock gapes at the sudden arrival of this rival, and over a shared lunch it's revealed that Zane and Suzy have known each other since Nursery School.... when they both wanted to be Breeders (snicker).
"Suzy vowed she'd be the world's top Vulpix Breeder," Zane informs them, "And I said I'd do the same."
"SO YOU'RE A RIVAL!" screams Brock into Zane's face, "SUZY'S SWORN MORTAL ENEMY!"
"We'll we're rivals," agrees Zane, "But certainly not enemies."
"Let's check this out?" Ash mutters in the meantime to Pikachu, checking out Ninetails with his Pokedex since nobody has explained what it is to him in the last three minutes.
"Ninetails, the Fox, Pokemon. The evolved form of, Vulpix. It has, nine tails, and a shiny golden, fleece. Ninetails are said, to live very long, lives."
Misty compliments Zane on his Ninetails, telling him it looks like spun gold. Zane thanks her, explaining that it's going to be tough to beat Vulpix, which is why he decided to evolve his own into a Ninetails.
Yes, it seems that even though they've known each other most of their lives, Zane and Suzy both have VERY different ideas on what constitutes Pokemon Beauty.
Suzy explains that Zane believes the outward appearance of a Pokemon is what's most important, "But I think beauty comes from the inside."
"That's so old school," smirks Zane as Brock glares at him, teeth clenched and brain overloading with rage/jealousy/lust.
Zane gets up to leave after a bit more back and forth about outer versus inner beauty, explaining he and Ninetails have to get ready. Suzy watches him leave (one part in particular, we're betting) before moaning lightly, "In his heart he's the sweetest boy in the whole world...... oh! I forgot about you sitting there Brock! Of course you're very sweet in your
own way too!" "That guy's not sweet!" roars Brock, "That guy's our number one competition! And we have to defeat him.... TOTALLY!"
Meanwhile, Jesse and James are putting their final touches on Meowth.
"I think we've done it," Jesse cries gleefully, "I think we've brought out Meowth's inner beauty!"
"You're right!" laughs James, "And it wasn't easy digging in that far to find it either! Look Meowth!"
A nonchalant Meowth lifts up the mirror and looks inside, "Can dis be me! I don't look like myself!"
And indeed he doesn't.... Meowth looks like Twisted Sister!
"It's true," smiles Jesse, "We've transformed you, Meowth."
"It was the only way to make you look good," grins James.
"I don't know what tah say!" cries Meowth (literally),"But when I get on dat stage I'll tell da woild you brought out my..."
"KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!" cry Jesse and James together, slapping their hands over Meowth's mouth.
"Be quiet or you'll give us away!" hisses Jesse.
"And you'll ruin your lip-liner!" admonishes the ever fashion-minded James.
The contest begins, Ash and Misty sitting in the astonishingly huge crowd waiting for the first contestants to come out. Each contestant draws a number to decide who comes out first, and Brock and Suzy have drawn number 37.
"And what about Zane?" asks Ash.
"He's after Suzy," Misty tells him.
"Yeah, Brock is too," Ash says, make a remarkably accurate observation, "That's the problem."
And with that, the contest begins!
........
Only it doesn't.
"Hey, number one isn't coming out," says Ash, which isn't as rude as it sounds. The Number One Contestant (a young man and his Marill) hasn't stepped out yet... where could he be?
"Sorry we're late!" cries a familiar voice as a trapdoor opens and black smoke pours out onto the stage, "It takes awhile!"
"To give our Pokemon flair and style!" adds a familiar male voice.
"We hope our Pokemon will amaze you!" the females voice cries as a Weezing pops out with bows and make-up on.
"We're giving each one a look that's brand new," continues the male as a dolled up Victreebell emerges.
"Who are they?" cries Zane as he, Suzy and Brock run out onto the stage.
"We're creating a trend and it's gonna be big," announces a red-haired female as a lift rises up through the trapdoor to reveal her and a blue haired male working on the hair-styles of an Arbok and Wobbuffet respectively.
"And this doesn't even look like a wig!" the blue haired male informs as he works on the wig on Wobbuffet's head.
"We two aren't fakers!"
"We're style makers!"
"We're cutting and curling at the speed of light."
"Put yourself in our hands and we'll make you look right!"
"Wobbuffet!" cries the wigged Wobbuffet.
"Meowth! Meowth! Meowth!" adds a Twisted-Sister looking Meowth on the big screen as the two stylists and their Pokemon pose before the crowd..... which goes absolutely wild!
Yes the crowd loves it, and even Zane comes out to congratulate the mystery-stylists on their great job. The red-haired girl is delighted, shaking Zane's hand vigorously as they espouse their philosophy of using any kind of accessory to bring out the beauty (or cover the ugliness) of any Pokemon.
"Yes, a true artist can even take a pathetically repulsive Pokemon and bring out it's beauty," says the blue haired boy as we cut to a shot of the hideously made-up Meowth grinning stupidly, "Or at least cover up the ugly."
"Even a blobby Pokemon like this can look like it's on the cutting edge," the red-haired girl says, pointing to the grinning Wigged Wobbuffet.
"I wonder if Onix could use a new 'do?" ponders Brock as the thoroughly elitist Zane and Suzy chuckle over the newcomers enthusiasm, knowing in their hearts that they know best - even if the public actually LIKES what they see.
But before Red and Blue can get all the mad phat props they deserve, Officer Jenny arrives on the scene with the boy and his Marill who were the real number one contestants. Apparently Red and Blue locked him in the closet to get the coveted Number One spot.
"James," growls Red.....
GASP! IT'S TEAM ROCKET!
"....talk your way out of this," Jesse hisses.
"We certainly wouldn't have done it if we thought we'd be caught!" offers James lamely.
Meowth sighs as he listens to Jesse and James complain that their original number was 259 and they didn't see why they should have to wait so long to be declared the winners. Obviously the first place finishers should be the first to start.
Officer Jenny, though, has other ideas, and boots the entire Team - Pokemon and all - out of the contest, telling them not to come back.
Gee, we wonder if Officer Jenny might have a little money on the winner?
"How can you expect an Un-Civil Servant like her to understand style?" sighs Jesse.
"What does she know?" snaps James, "The shiekest thing in her closet is probably bullet-proof!"
Meowth is less than impressed though, he had his heart set on winning this thing. Leaping into the air he slashes at the faces of Jesse and James, roaring.
Hissing at them that their best was what he was afraid of, Meowth has had a back-up plan ready.
Back inside the contest, it's almost Brock and Suzy's turn to get out there and impress the crowd.
As they prepare though, the doors to the backstage burst open and two official looking Doctors in white coats and face-masks appear.
"Attention, attention," cries the red-haired Doctor,"We're Pokemon Doctors from the Pokemon Breeders Licensing Division."
"We're here to perform examinations on every Pokemon entered in the contest," adds the blue-haired Doctor.
The Trainers are a bit wary about this, none of them have heard anything about examinations. But as the Doctor's warn them, anyone who fails to submit their Pokemon to an examination will be disqualified from the contest. The red-haired Doctor grabs Vulpix and carries it out as the blue-haired Doctor leads out Ninetails. All of the trainers are prevented from leaving with their Pokemon, and the doors are closed on them as they stand impotently inside.
Outside, the Doctors are revealed to be..... GASP! Team Rocket!
Packing all of the Pokemon into a large steel crate, they close it, lock it, lock the backstage door as well, then climb into their Happy Buddha Face Meowth balloon and prepare to leave.
Inside, Zane is trying to get through the door and has discovered it's locked while the Contest Announcer begs for the next contestant to come out, not knowing that they can't.
Brock steps up to the plate, calling out Geodude and having it smash it's way through the door. Running outside, Jesse and James reveal that they're not Doctors nor the talented stylists.... but Team Rocket! As they begin to float away with their catch, Ash sends out Noctowl which zooms up and smashes through the balloon. The crate crashes down as Team Rocket smashes hard into the ground behind it, possibly dying though nobody seems to care.
Ash then proceeds to violate all the laws of physics by having Pikachu use an electric attack on the STEEL CRATE with all the Pokemon inside. Strangely, however, this doesn't murder all the Pokemon inside but simply shatters the lock on the door, allowing all of the Pokemon inside to rush out to their respective trainers.
As Jesse, James and Meowth portion out the blame for their latest failure on each other, Ash approaches with a stupid quip about somebody needing a Doctor. Infuriated, Jesse sends out Arbok to fight him, and James follows through by sending out Victreebell... which promptly attempts to eat him.
"Dat just goes tah show," sighs Meowth, "James is hard tah swallow."
!
Victreebell sends out a Razor Leaf Attack at Ash, but before he or Pikachu can react, dual Flamethrower Attacks burn up the Razor Leaves.
Suzy and Zane are livid at Team Rocket for being such a disgrace to Trainers AND Breeders (snicker).....
.....it may also have something to do with the fact that Team Rocket got such a huge response from the Crowd earlier.....
They send out a FireSpin Attack from Vulpix AND Ninetails, frying all of Team Rocket and sending them blasting off again.
Vulpix and Ninetails stand beside each other looking like quite the team in victory. Suzy and Zane also stand side by side, grinning at each other like a couple of beautiful but incredibly shallow elitist fashion gurus.
In other words, they were made for each other, something the tuxedoed Brock is just beginning to realise.
Back inside after the contest restarts, Zane and Suzy discuss some of the lessons they learned from Team Rocket. One lesson was that the two of them work together as a team, and Zane suggests that they keep that teamwork going. If the two of them worked together, why they could create a beauty salon that works on exterior AND interior beauty.
In other words, Salon Rocket - the same beauty salon Suzy helped to put out of business a couple of years back.
Ash and Misty think it's a great idea, but Suzy wants Brock's blessing first. The unlucky in love Pokemon Breeder (snicker) knows he's lost the battle for Suzy's heart, and tells her it's a great idea. At the same time, the call comes through for contestant 37. It's time for them to get out there, and Suzy heads out first, Zane blocking off Brock a moment before he can go.
Zane explains to Brock that HE is jealous! Apparently ever since Suzy met Brock she's been telling Zane that he's the best there is. This is a shock to Brock, but it's also enough of a salve for his bruised ego to finally accept that he won't be getting an up close and personal look at Suzy's 'inner beauty' any time soon.
He shakes Zane's hand then heads outside where he and Suzy show off a nervous looking Vulpix to the crowd. As the narrator explains, it's not a matter of who wins or loses today. No, there is something more important than that at issue here.
Vulpix is pissing off out of the series, Gentle Dodgers! So join with us in hailing it a heartfelt farewell of:
FUCK OFF VULPIX!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "It's times like dis I'm glad I'm a Pokemon. Dey have to get all dolled up but I can do my doity woik in da buff."
ZANE "I have to see them up close. they're both unbelievable"  "Oh thank you very much. how flattering"
 "be quiet you'll give us away"
"And you'll ruin your lip liner"
 "Alot of theses pokemon look pretty pretty"
 "So how do I look?""You look like the ice cream man"
"You two can't meet Suzie looking all scruffy and scuzzy!!"
"I wonder if Onix could use a new do?"
"Eeh, the chicest thing in her closet is probably bullet proof"
"That just goes to show, james is hard to swallow"
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