165: Hook, Line and Stinker
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Yes, the lazy little bastards are on another break from their rough schedule of walking, freeloading food and accommodation and beating on Team Rocket. Misty sits on the riverbank as Psyduck settles in beside her and her Pokemon - including Togepi - bask in the water.
Poliwhirl comes floating by on it's back, enjoying the water and the sun.... until a shadow falls over it and it realises a Poliwrath has joined it in the water.
The much larger, evolved form of Poliwhirl glares angrily down at it's smaller cousin.... then baps it on the head and upper-cuts it out of the water!
Shocked by this aggressive behaviour, Misty's blood begins to boil when she meets the Poliwrath's Trainer. A young fisherman barely older than the twerps themselves, the arrogant young man proceeds to viciously insult Misty and her Pokemon. He calls them wimps, focusing primarily on her Poliwhirl (which is hiding behind her.... and fondling her ass apparently) which he claims to be a Poliwimp and Poliwhipped.
Gee, this little bastard must be top dog down at the local kindergarten.
A furious Misty - unencumbered by Togepi - demands a battle with the young fisherman to prove her and her Pokemon's worth. But like most arrogant fucks, this little punk doesn't want to take the chance of being made to eat his words. He tells her he has other plans as he recalls Poliwrath then heads away, leaving behind a very, very aggravated Misty.
With their fun ruined, the kids leave the water behind and continue on into the forest back to the road. When they arrive there, though, they're surprised to see scores of young boys and girls walking along with rods and reels in their hands. Brock surmises that there may be a good fishing hole nearby, but when Ash asks one of the fisherman it's explained to him that today is the Annual Seaking Catching Day.
Yes it seems that by sheer coincidence, the twerps have arrived in the area at the same time as an Annual Festival (gee that never happens, does it).
A geek with a Seaking BowTie explains the rules, anyone may use any rod, reel or lure that they like and capture as many Seaking as they like. However, only one of the Seaking can be entered in the competition and it MUST be captured with a Special Poke-Ball supplied to all contestants. The fisherman can also have one Pokemon aid them in their capture, but that Pokemon must be registered with the organisers.
Ash decides to enter the contest with Pikachu, and they head off with everyone else to sign up. Before they get there, though, a familiar face appears - the little jerk who was mocking Misty earlier.
"My name's Andreas," El Jerko tells a Contest Official, "And my partner will be my Poliwrath."
The rest of the line begins to murmur in surprise. It seems that everyone has heard of Andreas, apparently he's unbeatable! He's won every Seaking Catching Competition he ever entered!
Some people struggle all their lives to be the best lover, athlete, businessman etc, etc..... not so for Andreas, who appears to have devoted his life to..... capturing one particular kind of fish in one particular kind of contest.
Can you say, "One of Life's Winners," Gentle Dodgers?
In any case, Misty isn't impressed by Andrea's pedigree or the fact he's been on t.v (hey, she, Ash and Brock have saved the freaking world!). All she cares about is that he's an arrogant brat and he insulted her Poliwhirl. She's been fishing with her sisters since she was a baby and she knows she's got what it takes to win the contest.
"SIGN UP THIS POLIWHIRL AS MY PARTNER!" demands Misty of the harried Contest Official as Togepi stands beside her roaring with laughter, "PLEASE!"
"O-kay," replies the contest official.
"I want Pikachu to be my partner," Ash tentatively asks the female official.
"And I've decided I want YOU to be my partner!" gasps Brock, thrusting his arm out dramatically towards the female official.
".....wha?" asks the shocked official.
"Nice try Brock, but I think you missed the boat again," giggles Misty, dragging Brock away by his ear as the tall, tanned, toned and taut Gym Leader clutches a drunken Togepi in his arms.
They all clamber into a speed boat the Contest Officials have foolishly given out to every contestant. Brock is piloting while Ash and Misty will fish with the help of Pikachu and Poliwhirl. Before they can set off though, Andreas pulls up beside them for a few last minute insults directed at Misty.
Misty attempts to retaliate and her Poliwhirl steps up to the challenge when Poliwrath looms up tall. Before things can escalate into violence, though, Psyduck pops out of it's pokeball, spins it's arms wildly and falls into the water where it flails about in a panic.
Andreas is beside himself with mirth, it seems almost suitable that a wimpy trainer like Misty would have a Psyduck that can't swim. He sets off as Misty hauls the pathetic Pokemon back onto the boat and tries to settle it down, telling it that even if it can't swim, at least it didn't sink.
They move out to an unused part of the lake and set out their fishing lines. Misty - an experienced fisherman - knows that this could take this time, so she's ready to be patie.....
Andreas has already caught one.
Shocked, the twerps watch as Andreas hauls up a massive Seaking out of the water. His Poliwrath leaps up and Double-Slaps it into submission before Andreas throws his Lake-Ball and captures it.
The twerps are understandably impressed... all except Misty who demands that the little bastard got lucky. Then to their amazement again, they watch as Andreas LETS THE SEAKING GO!
Apparently this was just Andreas' 'warm-up', and he considered the Seaking to be small-fry. "The next Seaking Poliwrath and I catch will be really big," Andreas grins smugly, knowing that Misty is listening.
"Poliwrath!" agrees Poliwrath.
"Grrr, just like his mouth," hisses Misty.
But enough of young teenage boys pretending contempt to mask their deep-seated lust for young red-headed girls. Let's go look at older an teenage boy with absolutely no sexual interest in his hot red-headed female companion.
Yes, it's Team Rocket time!
Jesse, James and Meowth have entered the competition as well. The trophy that comes as first prize is probably an incentive, but not as much as the years supply of chocolate bars that comes with it.
"If we win dis here contest, we win all dem chocolate bars," grins Meowth.
"We haven't eaten for so long," moans a pink-shirted (!) James, "At this point I'd settle for licking the wrappers."
"There," grins Jesse as she finishes attaching a lure to her fishing rod.
"What's dat?" asks a slightly nervous Meowth, fearing the answer. "What does it look like?" retorts Jesse, as the camera zooms in on a small little Jesse-shaped lure, a little Chibi-Jesse that appears to be blushing ever so cute, "It's my Jesse-Lure.... alluring isn't it? No Seaking can resist this!"
An hour passes.
Meowth yawns and suggests that maybe the Jesse-Lure is scaring away the Seaking.
"Rrrrrh!" rrrrrh's Jesse, jumping to her feet and slapping the water with her fishing rod, "These stupid Seaking obviously don't appreciate my beauty!"
"Woah, take it easy Jesse," cries James, restraining her, "Settle down."
Jesse stands panting, her chest rising and falling.....
:D
....before calming down and considering her options.
"Well, if Seaking aren't attracted to a lure that's beautiful," she ponders, "Maybe they'll go for a lure that's ugly."
"That's the spirit!" agrees James, "Try something yucky!"
"Those Seaking won't be able to resist a Meowth lure," grins Jesse.
"Hey great idea!" laughs Meowth, "I didn't know you had a lure dat looks like me, let me see it!"
At which point Jesse shoves a breathing unit into Meowth's mouth and tosses him into the lake.
"We're a cinch to win that trophy!" grins Jesse.
"Not only the trophy, Jesse," corrects James, "But we'll also win that marvellous mountain of deep dark deliriously delicious chocolate!"
"Yeah," grins Jesse.
Underwater, a dejected Meowth swims along looking for Seaking, thinking to himself, "I don't like it down here, it's too wet.... besides I don't see any...."
"Seaking," proclaims a Seaking, swimming by.
Meowth spots it and takes a couple of pathetically limp-wristed swipes in it's general direction as it swims nonchalantly away. Meowth makes to follow.... at which point a fishing line loops around his wrist and pulls him up towards a boat.... the twerps boat!
Back in the Team Rocket boat, Jesse squeals with excitement! Meowth came through, she can feel the tug on the line!
"Come to mama, baby!" she cries and reels in the line with all her strength.... as Misty does the same.
Caught in the middle, Meowth ponders his fate as he is dragged in two different directions. The rock used to weight him down has become trapped in rocks on the lake-bed, and this provides an anchor that begins to draw both boats together.
Before Misty or Jesse can do anything, their boats slam into each other, and with a shock Jesse realises who it is.... luckily she's wearing a clever disguise on sunglasses, and hoping that Misty is as dim as Lois Lane, she puts on a concerned act.
"Oh!" Jesse squeals in a high-pitched voice, "It seems we got our lines all crossed doesn't it... ehahahaha."
Underwater, a now choking Meowth (he's lost his breathing unit) scratches the lines holding him in place and takes off. Up above, Team Rocket have actually pulled off the deception and are now retreating with a cry of, "SORRY!"
Misty pulls her line up and sees to her dismay that it's been snapped.
"Maybe it was just some kind of bottomfeeder, like a catfish?" Ash suggests, unknowingly making a clever quip AND mentioning a species of fish that as far as we know doesn't exist anymore in the Pokemon world.
In any case, more importantly Andreas has been watching the whole thing and takes the opportunity to mock Misty again in the hopes she'll rip off all of her clothes and let him ravish her.
Instead Misty just glares in fury after her new rival, while back at Team Rocket's boat Meowth drags himself onboard hissing that he knew Jesse's plan was a bad idea.
Sitting in the boat some time later, Misty notices the wind is changing direction, and as an experienced fisherman knows this will change where the Seaking go. She instructs Brock to take them North to where the Seaking will be concentrated, but to her dismay Andreas has had the same idea.
Knowing that if he gets there first, Andreas will catch all the best Seaking, Misty demands that Brock go faster. When he hesitates, she bodily tosses him from his seat (no Togepi and suddenly the old Misty is back) and zooms past Andreas, taunting his lack of speed.
Growling, Andreas tries to push ahead of her and they exchange the lead several times before the little punk loses it and actually sideswipes them. Misty roars at him to watch where he's going and he retorts that she hit him. Furious at this obvious fabrication, Misty DOES sideswipe the little pink, and both of them begin slamming against each other as Ash and Brock beg Misty to stop.
Enter Team Rocket.
Having all ready gone North themselves (and themselves only trying to win the competition), Team Rocket turn to see two boats fast bearing down on them. Misty flings the boat to the side to avoid them but Andreas takes a leaf out of the Duke Brother's book and leaps over Team Rocket's boat like The General Lee soaring majestically over Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane's police unit.
Dodgemaster Lex: Was this before or after the War, Old Man Tim?
The backswell of water when the boat lands tips Team Rocket's boat over, leaving them to cling to the hull as Andreas continues North. Misty moves the boat to Team Rocket's and asks them if they're okay (while at the same time blaming it on Andreas).
Knowing that they'll be recognised without their clever sunglasses disguise, Jesse and James keep their heads ducked and tell her they're fine. Meowth pops out of the water and starts talking, so James does something BlueShippers have been waiting years for, shoving Meowth's head down and yelling, "Get back down!"
Leaving Team Rocket behind, Misty finally finds a spot she thinks will be perfect.... and Andreas is all ready there!
Fuming at having to share the spot (especially after Andreas claims that she followed him), Misty and Ash settle down to fish while Brock tends to the many needs and demands of Togepi. To everyone's surprise, Ash catches a bite! Reeling in the Seaking hard and fast (after assuring Misty he'll reel it in gentle) they pull a large Seaking out of the water which Pikachu promptly shocks, stunning it long enough to allow Ash to catch it with a Lake-Ball.
They're very impressed with themselves, until they notice that Andreas is in the process of capturing one of the biggest Seaking's they've ever seen.
The massive Pokemon bursts out of the water and is instantly hit with a MegaPunch from Poliwrath. Both Pokemon smash into the water where Poliwrath Double-Slaps and then UpperCut's it out of the water and right into Andreas' Lake-Ball.
Grinning with delight at his capture, Andreas notices a furious Misty watching him. Mistaking her rage for lust, he taunts her to 'turn her on' even more, telling her she better rush if she wants to capture a 2nd Place Seaking.
The siren sounds to mark 10 minutes until time is up, and Andreas sets off back for the judges as Misty realises it's time to bring out the big guns.
"MY SUPER MISTY LURE VERSION 4!" cries Misty, pulling out a little Chibi Misty lure.
"I knew it!" grins Ash, extremely excited to know anything for a change.
"It looks alot like version 3," ponders Brock.
"GO!" cries Misty, casting her line out deep.
The Super Misty Lure Version 4 drops deep and hangs, waiting, waiting, waiting............. and waiting and........ SEAKINGZILLA! The Mother Of all Seaking's grabs the Super Misty Lure Version 4 and pulls hard. With a strong tug of deceptively slim arms she hauls Seakingzilla out of the water. Poliwhirl launches into the air to attack the Pokemon which is three times larger than it is. Before it can Seakingzilla smacks it back down to the boat, but Poliwhirl doesn't give up and Double-Slaps Seakingzilla into submission, allowing Misty to capture it with her Lake-Ball!
"Looks like a winner," Brock says with a grin as Misty sighs with relief, happy to have finally caught something.
At that point the siren sounds to call the contest over, the officials declaring that if you failed to catch a Seaking, you're a lose.... you get a commemorative badge.
"Look Jess!" grins James back on shore as he holds his commemorative badge, "Isn't it commemorative!?!"
"Who cares about you winning some cheap trinket?" snaps Jesse, "When we could have won the respect of our peers."
"And chocolate!" hisses Meowth.
Jesse is furious, positive (and perhaps quite justifiably so) that of the twerps hadn't kept getting in their way, they could have won the damn contest and gotten all that chocolate.
Meanwhile the weighing-in is going on and it appears that Andreas is going to win again.... until Misty arrives to weigh Seakingzilla and it's revealed both Pokemon are EXACTLY the same weight.
That's exactly to thousands of decimal places, Gentle Dodgers, since it's a computerised weighing machine. Both Seaking weigh EXACTLY the same.
And by a happy coincidence, in the event of a tie the winner is decided by a Pokemon Battle.... and the Arena is all ready all set up, and this is beginning to smack more and more like a scam.
In any case, is Misty wants that chocolate she and her Poliwhirl will have to beat Andreas and his Poliwrath. Both Pokemon leap into the fray, battling on floating devices on a water-battle-arena. They swipe and dodge each other, each trying to get in a blow as from high above them smoke-bombs drop from the sky and explode, obscuring the battlefield as the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon drops down into sight.
"Don't you worry things are dandy," Jesse tells everyone.
"We just want that first prize candy!" explains James.
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket, blasting off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight."
"WOOOOOOH-BUFFET!" agrees Wobbuffet, making it's first appearance of the episode.
"Meowth, dat's right!" snaps Meowth, dropkicking Wobbuffet out of the way.
As the twerps growl in anger at Team Rocket's appearance and Togepi stares in wonder at something down on the ground that's caught it's evil attention, Team Rocket make their move.
Jesse casts out her line - once again with Meowth on the end - down to where the chocolate rests. The hungry Scratch-Cat immediately begins to stuff the chocolate into a sack.
"HEY! That belongs to the winner of the Seaking Competition!" cries Misty is Meowth grabs the last of the chocolate and is reels back in.
"Why are you stealing it?" demands Andreas.
"Because da trophy won't taste good wit marshmallahs!" quips Meowth with a laugh.
But Misty and Andreas aren't letting that chocolate go, and order their respective Pokemon to use Water-Gun. The dual blasts knock the chocolate from Meowth's paws and into the waiting Vine-Whip of Ash's Bulbasaur. As Team Rocket demand that they deserve the prize, Ash tells them they'll get a booby prize.......
.....
Waaaaaaaay too easy.
.......and has Pikachu Thundershock them, blow up the balloon and send Team Rocket blasting off again!
And Wobbuffet was barely in the show at all!
In any case, with the chocolate safe and Team Rocket blasted off, the single-minded competitors kick off their battle again. Poliwrath uses Submission - tucking itself into a ball and rolling across the water to smashing into Poliwhirl - to smash it's opponent flying. Ash is surprised to see a move like Submission used by a Water-Type, and Brock explains that when a Poliwrath evolves it gains Fighting-Type abilities too... like punching it's opponent really hard in the face.
Poliwhirl is smacked around and knocked hard alongside Misty, and it promptly gets up and hides behind her leg. Misty tells it that it needs more confidence in itself, but it refuses to go back and keep fighting the larger, more powerful Poliwrath.
Psyduck, Goldeen and Staryu pop out of their Pokeballs to offer words (or weird HAAAH'ing noises) of comfort and support while Misty explains that it has to fight for it's dignity and for the dignity and honour of it's friends. Andreas insulted her, insulted Poliwhirl and insulted all of her other Pokemon, and even if it gets it's ass whupped, it has to prove it's not a wimp.
Poliwhirl, however, is a firm believer in being a wimp in good health as opposed to a hero in the hospital. Even quick Water-Gun attacks from Staryu and Goldeen won't change it's mind.... and then suddenly it's confident and eager again. It attacks Poliwhirl, using Bubble-Attack and Mega-Punch to stun and stagger Poliwrath backwards. It easily dodges all of Poliwrath's Counter-Attacks, then uses a One-Two combination of Bubble Attack and Water-Gun to knock Poliwrath out....and Misty's the winner!
Even more bizarre, suddenly Andreas is meek and contrite, apologising for calling Misty's Pokemon weak and wimpy.
What the hell is going on?
In any case, a very happy Misty sits down trying to figure out how to divide up the chocolate. Togepi is back with her, dancing with happiness as she explains she's going to give a BIG box of chocolate to Professor Oak and Tracey (more for Tracey, we're assuming) as well as lots for Brock's family and her sisters, and Ash's Momma, and keep some for Togepi and give some to Pikachu.....
As Ash demands that he get some too (chocolate, you sickos!), a now unencumbered-by-Togepi Brock stares happily out across the horizon.
And therein lies the answer to the earlier question, Gentle Dodgers.
Why did Poliwhirl suddenly gain confidence and the ability to fight back against Poliwrath? Why did Poliwrath suddenly lose all of it's fighting skills? Why did Andreas suffer a complete change of character?
It's tempting to think that it's just bad or sloppy writing, but we here at Pokemopolis know better. One need simply go back to when Misty was making her impassioned speech to Poliwhirl. One need simply watch when the camera cut to Togepi - a Togepi thrust into someone else's arms and removed from it's energy source - and watch as the drunk-on-power monster laughed and waved it's arms back and forth, back and forth..... just like Togepi always does when using Metronome - a supposedly random attack the outcome of which Togepi almost always seems to be able to control. In other words, Gentle Dodgers, the moral of today's story is:
Togepi always gets what it wants.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Not only the trophy, Jesse, but we'll also win that mountain of deep, dark, deliriously delicious chocolate!"
 "These stupid seaking obviously don't appreciate my beauty!"
"What does it look like? It's my Jesse Lure! Alluring, isn't it?"
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