164: A Hot Water Battle
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Why a quip? Because they're walking through what looks to be an almost tropical region of Johto. Banana Trees line the side of the road and Mankey's and Aipom sit amongst the green leaves.
"Aipom," Dexter tells Ash, "The Long-Tailed, Pokemon. Aipom is able to climb, and hang from branches, using it's powerful, tail. Aipom live, atop, tall trees."
"Those are cool," gasps an overheated Ash, "But it's the bananas that look good right now, let's go get them Pikachu!"
Rushing ahead, the moron hits a banana peel and goes over, arms flailing wildly as he crashes into a pool of water.
"Ash is funny," guffaws Misty stupidly as Togepi grins with evil delight.
"Anyone can look funny slipping on a banana peel," chuckles Brock, "It's a no-brainer!"
Brock then proceeds to prove his point by slipping on the same peel and crashing into the pool of water himself.
"I.... see what you mean," sighs Misty as Togepi roars with drunken laughter, amused by the small people and their small antics.
Misty walks down to the pool and finds Ash and Brock sitting inside the water enjoying a nice quite pee.
"Ahhhh," they sigh as they release their filthy bodily fluids into the pristine water.
Apparently the water is fed by an underground hot-spring which is what gives this area it's tropical feel. Also, apparently there's nothing as cooling and relaxing as sitting in your clothes inside of a hot pool during a hot summers day when you're already overheated.
Can you say stroke-warning, Gentle Dodgers?
In any case, since there isn't.... oh we don't know.... A FREAKING QUICKLY IMPENDING JOHTO LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP APPROACHING OR ANYTHING, Ash decides that they'll spend the whole day relaxing by the hot pool. He and Brock strip down (to their shorts, you filthy, filthy Dodgers) and hang their clothes up on the line that Brock happened to have handy. Then they and Misty call out all of their Pokemon to share in the good times.
The insanely happy Totodile, the love-starved latino Chikorita, drug-dealing Noctowl, grumpy ol' Bulbasaur, infantile Cyndaquil, oblivious Psyduck, pointless Goldeen, big-mouthed Golbat, fighting Poliwhirl, exploding Pineco, floating Geodude, alien Staryu, Ga-Roaring Onix and world's most useless Pokemon Vulpix join Pikachu, all ready to enjoy the good times.
Ash pulls out an inflatable ball from somewhere and they begin a game of hot-potato. The competitive nature of Ash's Pokemon gets the best of them though, as Psyduck stumbles over allowing Pikachu to slam it to Chikorita who smashes it to Totodile who bashes it into Cyndaquil's face, allowing the ball to ricochet up into the air and deep into the forest.
Chikorita instantly blames Totodile and the two face off, slamming against the other and pushing back and forth. Chikorita is knocked back into Cyndaquil who gets involved as well, and all three of Ash's 'new' Starters find themselves locked into a cheek-pulling competition. Misty gets up off of her deck-chair where she's been enjoying the sun and comments that they're fighting, something that Ash disagrees with. Why it's obvious that they're just playing, and to prove it he sends Chikorita, Totodile and Cyndaquil off to find the ball.
"See Misty," grins a clueless Ash, "They get along just like we do!"
"......... I sure hope not," mutters Misty as she watches them go.
Inside the forest Chikorita spots the ball first.... but there's an Aipom dancing on it!
Chikorita kinds asks the Aipom to give the ball back, and the Aipom replies by..... turning around and slapping it's ass!
Shocked by this rather inappropriate invitation, Chikorita prepares to hit Aipom with a Razor-Leaf Attack when suddenly Totodile emerges from nowhere and leaps at Aipom with mouth wide open.
The Aipom leaps into the air with the ball clutched in it's paws, so that Totodile slams into a tree trunk and knocks a number of other Aipom down to the ground.
As the Aipom with the ball hangs form a leaf laughing, the other Aipom get up and menacingly approach Chikorita and Cyndaquil. Growling with all the ferocity that cute little purple monkeys can muster, they begin to toss sand at Chikorita and Cyndaquil, as well as Totodile behind them. Totodile - to it's great delight, apparently - is buried alive in the sand while Chikorita gets in behind Cyndaquil and twists the little infant around in the hopes of getting it riled up enough to fire up. And indeed Cyndaquil does, the burst of fire erupting from it's back more than enough to disconcert the Aipom. They take off, their ball-carrying friend with them, and Cyndaquil and Chikorita give chase.
With a roar of glee, Totodile erupts from it's sandy grave and dances with manic joy, then twists around and takes off after the monkeys.
Oh like you wouldn't!
Oh God.
Oh my God......
Oh God...................
Jesse's eating a banana...... oh God, she's.....
*The following text is written by a robot to prevent Dodgemaster Tim from salivating over his keyboard.*
Collected Sub-Set of Unit Collectively known as Team Rocket progresses through tropical forest setting. Unit identified as James answers inquiry from unit identified as Jesse regarding proximity of local landmark. Unit identified as James refers to collected information periodical known as Guidebook. Unit identified as Jesse consumes fruit identified as banana.
Unit identified as Jesse partakes in unproductive distraction identified as day-dreaming. Day-dreaming consists of un-real thought processes involving unit identified as Jesse dressed in small articles of clothing, soaking body in warm water, soaking self in milk and roses and........
Oh God! Oh God! Yes! Yes! Yes!
*Dodgemaster Tim returns to writing duties as remains of exploded robot are swept out of room*
Jesse and James have stopped to eat some of the fruit they've collected into baskets on their backs. Chowing down, James hits us with a few delightful double-entendres.
"I like this place already," James grins, "It may be a but warm but the tropical fruit is fresh and free!"
Oh James, nobody knows fresh fruit better than you!
"Dose hot-springs leave me kinda cold," sighs Meowth.
"I know you don't like to get wet," grumbles Jesse, "But at least give the hot-springs a try."
Yes it seems that, much like Nicole Kidman during her marriage to Tom Cruise, this pussy doesn't get wet. But Jesse and James can't understand why not, after all, who wouldn't enjoy a hotspring?
"I say hot-springs for me! hot-springs for you and hot-springs for everybody!" laughs Jesse.
"Wobbbbbuh," sighs Wobbuffet sadly, popping out of it's Pokeball.
"When I said hot-springs for everybody, I didn't have you in mind, Wobbuffet," Jesse notes.
"Wobbbbuh," moans Wobbuffet, still sad for some reason.
"All right, you can come too!" grins Jesse.
Which is when the monkeys attack.
Well, stands to reason, doesn't it.
The Aipom crash over Team Rocket, scuffing up their faces and stealing much of their fruit in the process.
"Jaywalkers," moans Jesse, and then notices to her shock that some of their fruit is gone.
Which is when the mouse, the plant and the insane baby alligator attack.
Well, it only makes sense.
Cyndaquil, Chikorita and Totodile smash out of the forest and Team Rocket instantly duck out of the way. Jesse presents a marvellous G.A.S for everyone before Team Rocket ponder that the three Pokemon looked familiar, in fact they looked like the twerps Pokemon.
"WOBBUHHH!" grins Wobbuffet, happy again.
"Judging from the elementary fact that the twerps Pokemon are here," says Sherlock James, resplendent in bowtie, overcoat, cap and pipe with the grimy streets of Victorian London behind him, "One can easily deduce that the twerp himself is quite likely somewhere nearby. And because they appear to be chasing a beach ball, I would surmise that beach is also in the vicinity."
"Dat can't be, Jim!" ponders Meowth, "We're no place near de o-shin."
"Your observation is correct, my dear Meowth," admits a smug Sherlock James, "There is no beach nearby, ergo the hot spring must be nearby.....FIND THE SPRING AND WE SHALL HAVE OUR TWERP!"
"Brilliant deduction!" grins Jesse, throwing her arm in the air, "We've chased that little brat and his Pokemon for years and now we've got them just where we want him.... OH I CAN'T WAIT TO GET TO THAT HOTSPRING! Come on, let's follow them!"
The Aipom rides the ball into a cave, Totodile and Chikorita fighting to see who gets to go in first. Cyndaquil skids to a stop, not wanting to enter the dark cave, but Chikorita returns and shoves it inside. Team Rocket are hot on their heels and pause at the entrance of the cave. Obviously this is a shortcut to the hotspring, they surmise, and prepare to enter when suddenly the ground begins to shake. Turning, they stare in shock as a gigantic Snorlax emerges and heads straight for them. Reaching down with one massive paw, Snorlax grabs a squealing James and lifts him up, interested in the basket of fruit still on his back.
"I tink Snorlax wants to eat him!" gasps Meowth.
"We've got to stop it!" cries Jesse, and turns to Wobbuffet, "Do something and fast!"
Instantly Wobbuffet clutches it's head, scrunches down and begins a low growl deep in the back of it's throat, "Wobbbbuh..... Wobbbbuh...."
"Hmmm?" asks Jesse, surprised by this action.
"Dat's Bide attack...." Meowth explains.
"THIS IS NO TIME TO BIDE YOUR TIME!" roars Jesse angrily.
Meowth cries out for James to lift his arms out of the basket's straps, and when James does he falls free to the ground. Snorlax swallows the basket of apples, finishes off the apples and then spits out the basket.
Then it turns it's attention back to Team Rocket.... it's still hungry! Turning they charge into the cage as Snorlax waddles after them.
Reaching the entrance to the cave, it settles down against it and falls to sleep, blocking off the exit!
"Look, Snorlax is blocking de exit," gasps Meowth, "Ain't dat illegal?"
"I learnt a long time ago," growls Jesse as they watch the exit get blocked off, "That where there's an exit there's an entrance!"
And with those same words many centuries ago, Gentle Dodgers, anal sex was born.
Everyone continues on into the caves. Aipom rolls down the right hand side of a fork in the caves, and when Totodile charges around the corner zooms down the left hand side without hesitation.
Chikorita and Cyndaquil come around at a more sedate pace and move down the right-hand side, and only seconds later Team Rocket arrive. Jesse tells Meowth that everything is going to be fine, but the Scratch-Cat is walking backwards behind the others and doesn't notice when they move down the right-hand side while he goes left.
Continuing backwards, Meowth finds himself at a dead-end..... with Totodile waiting for him!
Shocked at his 'abandonment' by Team Rocket, Meowth is still more than confident he can catch Totodile by himself. Pulling a net out of.... well, we'd rather not think where he pulled it out from, Meowth charges at Totodile... and then a massive tremor shakes the cave.
Back outside the cave, Snorlax is stretching, yawning and slamming the back of it's head against the cave exit. The reverberations are shaking the cave and dropping rocks all about, putting the Pokemon and Team Rocket in danger.
A giant rock drops towards Meowth and without hesitation, Totodile slams him out of the way. The rocks crash down all over the cave as Snorlax slams onto it's side outside the cave, while inside Team Rocket have been entombed.
Meowth struggles to it's feet and looks about for Totodile.... but there is no sign of the insane little baby alligator. Rocks block off the previous dead-end of the cave... has Totodile fallen into the shadow?
NO!
With a hoarse shout of insane glee, Totodile bursts out of the rocks and dances with mad love. Meowth is delighted to see his saviour is all right, but wants to know, why did Totodile save him?
"Tanks for saving me pal!"
"TOH!" grins Totodile.
"I wuz trying tah catch you, why did you save me?"
"Totodile," explains Totodile happily.
"Just cuz I'm a fellow living creature like you..... dat's one o' da most bee-yootiful tings I evah hoid!"
But despite being saved, Meowth is now resigned to spending the rest of his nine lives trapped in the cave. Totodile isn't so sure though, and blasts as the rock with it's Water-Gun Attack. Meowth explains that water won't cut through rock, but Totodile is insistent and keeps on blasting away.
Meanwhile in another part of the cave, Cyndaquil fires up it's flames to give Chikorita some light.
Chikorita calls for help but none seems to be coming, so she and Cyndaquil move on to see what they can see. Outside, Snorlax sits up and rolls over onto it's other side, causing another set of rock-falls to go off inside. Chikorita and Cyndaquil dodge out of the way of the rocks, the start in surprise as they hear a familiar voice and notice water leaking out of the rock-face before them. Chikorita lines up and then charges, smashing into the rock and knocking it free enough to allow Totodile's Water-Gun to knock loose a section of the rock. Totodile, Chikorita and Cyndaquil embrace, then growl as they remember their argument, then laugh as they realise how silly they're being.
Meowth asks if any of them have seen Jesse or James but gets a negative answer, leading the Scratch-Cat to believe he really has been left to rot in the cave.
First Cyndaquil and then Chikorita and Totodile try to cheer Meowth up, which shocks the cat as they barely know each other, leading him to proclaim,"You're da best friends I nevah had!"
Meanwhile, just outside the cave a number of reverberations shake the rockwall and then it explodes outwards. What could have caused this eruption? Onix? Or maybe an exploding Pineco? Or perhaps Team Rocket getting hit by a Thundershock?
No, it's James swinging a big rock-club.
Wow, so much for that old stereotype about limp-wrists!
Team Rocket step outside and look around.... and see a beautiful terraced hotspring before them!
Entranced by the beauty, Jesse and James prepare to jump in. James charges forward in excitement, delighted at the idea of getting into the water. He dives and.... a rock slams into his head knocking him down.
A number of Aipom are in the water, clutching rocks and bananas and obviously quite protective of the Hotspring.
"They don't look very relaxed, do they!" cries Jesse before rocks and bananas are being hurled at them. They take off and scamper up a banana tree (Wobbuffet clutching onto Jesse's back) where they look down in horror at the Aipom.
"The nerve of them!" snaps Jesse, "I didn't come all this way to be pelted with produce!"
"WOBBUFFET!"
"Those little hooligans have no right to keep us big hooligans out!" agrees James.
"Ohhhhhhhh! Let us in there!" sobs Jesse, who just wants a chance to relax for once!
"WOBBUFFET!" agrees Wobbuffet.
Inside the cave it's a regular love-fest, as Cyndaquil, Chikorita and Totodile apologise to each other for their earlier argument. Meowth discusses arguments with them, telling them he often gets into arguments with Jesse and James and sometimes when it comes to fights, it's good to have a bad memory.
As they chat away, Chikorita first hears and then feels something... air!
if there's movement in the air then there must be an exit! Chikorita lifts it's head-leaf and lets it catch the air, getting the direction of the breeze and leading them towards the exit. Rocks still block the exit, but a little teamwork (Totodile's Water-Gun, Cyndaquil and Chikorita pushing and a little Meowth Muscle gets the rocks moving).
Meanwhile, back at the hotspring Ash and Pikachu are still swimming and having a great time.... but finally Ash clicks.... the three Pokemon he sent off alone in the unknown tropical forest haven't returned yet. Why ever could that be?
Back in the cave, the shut-ins burst through the rocks but find they're still blocked by Snorlax's fat-ass. They stare at the copious buttocks and wonder how will they get by?
And then inspiration strikes, Chikorita lightly strokes Snorlax's ass with it's head-leaf (we highly suggest you don't try this at home, Gentle Dodgers) before Totodile bites it's tail and Cyndaquil uses it's Flamethrower.
Snorlax roars angrily, leaps into the air, crashes down into the ground and.... promptly falls back to sleep.
Totodile, Cyndaquil and Chikorita charge out into the open air and dance with joy as Meowth slowly walks out into the open air, a smile on his face and hands hiding something behind his back.
"Well I'm happy tah see you're all back tah-getta again," grins Meowth a little darkly, "Coz now I can catch all tree o' ya! HA!"
Meowth leaps into the air, swings his net (don't ask from where, please) and catches all three in one swoop.
"Don't get me wrong guys," laughs Meowth, "I'm grateful n' everyting for for ya helping me out and all, but no matter what I'm a Team Rocket member first class and always!"
And as he continues his exposition on how he'll use them for bait to capture Pikachu.... a very pissed off Snorlax steps up behind him rubbing his tickled, bitten and burnt ass.
Meowth desperately tries to explain that it was the others, but they calmly point to him. Snorlax growls and Meowth takes off at a run, in absolute horror that for the first time in his life he's telling the truth, and no one will believe him!
He charges back into the cave and Snorlax slams into it, sending cracks running through the rock and shockwaves through the entire area. Back at the hot-springs, Jesse and James look about at the sound of the noise. Jesse asks what it could be and James whimpers, "Thunder?"
Not quite, what it is is the world's smallest tidal wave, as the terraced springs blast water in a wave out of the springs. The Aipom flee, leaving behind the ball they stole earlier which is washed up in the flow of the water.
"What's going on here! This isn't a hot spring, it's a tidal wave!" cries Jesse.
"Maybe it's not a Tidal Wave," sobs James, "Maybe it's a spring flooding?" cries James.
"I don't know about you, but I wasn't prepared for trouble!" sobs Jesse as the water flows back into the cave, scoops up Meowth, hits the exit and lifts Snorlax up off of it's feet, catching up Totodile, Cyndaquil and Chikorita in it's path. The three Pokemon grab onto Snorlax (who is sleeping quite peacefully) and float along as the water floods along.
Ash, Brock and Misty walk along looking for Ash's missing Pokemon. They are using a clever search method. Since the Pokemon went into the forest, and went missing in the forest.... they're walking alongside the river.
Three guesses who thought up the search method.
However Ash has lucked out again, because the flood of water shoots down the river. Spotting Snorlax and his Pokemon, Ash prepares to go into Action-Hero mode but Misty stops him. There's no way he could swim against the current, he'd be doomed.
In the water, Chikorita uses Vine-Whip to haul itself up onto Snorlax's belly then pull Totodile and Cyndaquil up too. They notice Ash, Misty, Brock and Pikachu running nearby. Ash warns them that they'll have to steer Snorlax towards the side of the boat because they can't get into the water to help them.
And apparently there's no such thing as a Pokeball to suck Pokemon to safety from a distance.
Before the can start sneering the good ship Snorlax though, Brock notices a waterfall (always a bloody waterfall) in the distance. They need to save themselves now or they're all doomed! Doomed!! DOOMED!!!!
Chikorita notes two banana trees in the distance on either side of the river. Using Razor-Leaf to cut the trunks in two (DUDE! They're THAT powerful and Ash uses them against other Pokemon? sick fucker!), they fall into each other and create a bridge. Totodile grabs the trunks with it's Bite Attack and Chikorita latches onto Totodile and Cyndaquil with it's Vine-Whip. All three Pokemon hang on for dear life as Snorlax continues on towards probable death. Totodile struggles to hold on but it's teeth are slipping, and all looks lost. It releases it's grip, falls and.... is caught by Ash who has made it onto the trees. He lifts all three up and they dance with delight to have been saved.... yes they dance on the rickety bridge over the raging river.
Returning to the hot-spring pool (which is fed by the river through an underground passage and thus calm), Ash makes the Pokemon promise not to run off alone again like that..... despite the fact he was the one who sent them away!
They all agree though, and then Pikachu sees the beach-ball come floating by and grabs it out. They all play a little more beach-ball, happy because everyone had a happy ending.
Oh yeah, what about Team Rocket?
Sitting braced against the sleeping Snorlax who hit a rock just before the waterfall. Sighing with sadness, Jesse complains that she never got to relax at her lovely hot-spring (yes, not stealing Pokemon or doing evil, she just wanted to take a relaxing dip). It seems that all that's left for Team Rocket to do is swim away.... at which point Snorlax wakes, up, growls, and takes off swimming against the flow of the current.
Team Rocket are thrown into the air, crash into the water and zoom down towards the waterfall screaming, "Looks like Team Rocket's drifting off again!"
"WOBBUFFET!!!!!!" cries Wobbuffet, asking an important question before plummeting to a probable death with the others.
What happened to the bloody motto!?!
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Here I come!"
"Those little hooligans have no right to keep us big hooligans
out!"
 "I was tryna catch you, why did you save me? just cause i'm a fellow living creature like you? Dat is one of de most beautiful tings I ever hoid"
 "i say hotsprings for me. hotsprings for you, and hotsprings for everybody!!"
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