159: Type Casting
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Yep, there's a relatively narrow river in their way, and rather than get his footsies wet, Ash wants to know how he can get over it.
Luckily Brock's trusty price guide has the answer, apparently there is a bridge two feet to the right of them.
Phew, lucky thing that map was there, huh?
They walk to the bridge but.... what's this? The thing is in the process of being constructed? What's going on.
"Uhhhhhhhh-hhhh," grunts Ash, "Is there a bridge near here?"
"Ha," ha's the surveyor/foreman in reply as he oversees his men working, "It was right where you're standing before the typhoon hit last month and the river washed it away."
The twerps are understandably upset. If the bridge is down (and the surveyor proudly tells them it'll take at least six months to fix), then how the hell are they going to get across the river?
Aha! A solution, Ash can get his giant Pidgeot to fly them.... oh no, no, he abandoned his giant Pidgeot.
AHA! Another solution! The mighty Charizard can..... no, no wait, Ash abandoned him too.
AHA-HA-AHA! Ash can get Lapras to surf across and..... no, no that doesn't work either, Ash dumped Lapras too.
So basically the twerps are screwed, there'll be no Ecruteak City for them, no Johto League. In fact, it looks like the show is over. We had fun gentle Dodgers, but with Ash trapped we've reached somewhat of an anti-climax. It was a fun few years, but now it's all over and.... hang on! There may be light at the end of the tunnel!
For who do we see now? Floating ever so elegantly over the treetops and staring down at the river with their binoculars? Why it's our beloved Team Rocket, that's who!
Jesse has spotted the river and decided they should head straight up it, something that Meowth suggests the cops would agree with. Their direction is not their most pressing concern though, as their stomaches are grumbling and James' cooking is not coming along too nicely.
Sitting up by the Happy-Buddha-Face-Meowth's Balloon's flame, James is cooking something that appears to be either rice-balls or potatoes.
Whatever it is is taking forever to cook, the heat isn't enough to cook the food fast. Which is when Meowth has the bright idea of turning the heat up. The flame ignites, shoots up and..... no more Happy-Buddha-Face-Meowth Balloon!
The basket sits motionless in the air for a few moments with a surprised looking Team Rocket looking straight ahead and then..... BAM! The basket crashes into the ground and explodes (being made of solid gasoline, apparently) leaving Team Rocket dazed and confused.
Meanwhile the twerps are still trying to swim figure swim out swim how swim to swim get swim across swim the swim river. It's a real conundrum, and as Misty and Brock try to figure it out (while Ash just stands there looking constipated) Pikachu notes something out on the river.
Why it's a fisherman! Standing in a little boat tossing out a net to catch some fish (or perhaps catch some intelligent, sentient Pokemon and eat them!). Ash rudely calls out and basically demands that the fisherman take them across the remarkably narrow river.
The large fisherman tells them he'd be happy to take them across the river..... if they'd be good enough to catch him a Sudowoodo first. "A Sudowoodo?" asked Ash, more confused than usual.
"Yes, the Sudowoodo is a real rare kind of Pokemon," explains the large, elderly fisherman, pointing up to the forested mountain behind the twerps, "They say you can find them up on that mountain there. But I have never seen one. Three Pokemon Trainers might have a better chance of catching a Sudowoodo than me."
"Let's see what Dexter has to say," suggests Misty as Ash opens up his Pokedex.
"Sudo. Woodo," says Dexter, showing a picture of what looks suspiciously like a sausage mixed with peas and given legs with a y sticking out of it's head, "The Imitation. Pokemon. The Rare. Pokemon. Hides in trees to avoid. capture."
After extracting the elderly fisherman's promise to take them across the river if they catch a Sudowoodo, the twerps take off into the mountain (though they manage to run away from it) while three very interested parties absorb the new information.
Yes Team Rocket have recovered from their crash (they're nothing if not resilient) and overheard everything. As Meowth rests his crotch against the back of James' head, the trio discuss the new possibilities. If they catch the Sudowoodo, James muses, the old man will take them across. Jesse, however, is thinking of the future rather than the present. If the Sudowoodo is as rare as the elderly fisherman says, it'll make a great present for The Boss!
So it looks like we have a race on our hands! Team Rocket versus The Twerps, and the winner gets.... a boat trip across a very narrow river!
Well, sometimes winning is more important than the prize itself!
The twerps wonder through the forest, using a careful strategy of just walking and hoping they stumble across the impossibly rare Pokemon.
"This forest is unbelievably dense," notes Misty, then gasps in surprise as Psyduck pops out of it's Pokeball and stares with Ash-Like confusion at it's surroundings.
"Psy... duck?"
"Speaking of things that are dense," sighs Misty, then smiles and suggests her dim but loyal Pokemon help them search for Sudowoodo too. Psyduck reacts to this carefree suggestion by running in terror into the forest, stumbling across.... a Sudowoodo!
"Sudowoodo!" squeals the shivering tootsie-roll-like Pokemon.
Psyduck stares up at it, and nervously the Sudowoodo grins at it. It side-steps but Psyduck moves along with it, confused at the appearance of this walking, talking tree.
The dance continues back and forth, side to side as Sudowoodo tries to get out of Psyduck's gaze.... and Psyduck continues to try and figure out what it's gazing at. Finally it clicks and with a gasp, Psyduck hauls ass back to Misty and tries to get her attention, motioning frantically towards the Sudowoodo.
Misty doesn't realise that Psyduck is actually being useful though, sweetly telling it that they're not looking for trees today, just Sudowoodo.
Sudowoodo tries to move out of sight before Psyduck's insistence makes Misty look closer, which captures Misty's attention. Turning her gaze onto Sudowoodo, she causes the panicky turd-type Pokemon to drop one of it's camouflage branches and she spots it.
"Guys look! A Sudowoodo!" cries Misty.
"AHHHHHHHHH!" roars Ash intelligently, causing Sudowoodo to bolt in terror.
Ash gives chase, screaming for it to come back. The Sudowoodo charges along the forest path, then leaps off of it and runs into the trees.
Ash stops at precisely the point that Sudowoodo jumped off the track and watches it run into the trees. Having watched exactly where it went, Ash then turns and runs.... down the path!
Yes, it seems Ash's short term memory has been reduced to less than a goldfish's, and unfortunately for Brock and Misty.... he's their leader!
They stumble into a clearing where the trees have been felled for the purpose of progress (and sweet pollution-bringing industry!). There they look around for the Sudowoodo and instead find the next best thing.... arguing academics!
"That's impossible! None of the research papers back that up!" growls a man's voice.
"Well maybe if you spent a little less time reading research," growls the male nerds female companion, "And a little more time DOING research, you'd know it IS possible!"
"Then you're saying every single report is wrong!?!" grumbles the male scientist.
"I'm saying there's a possibility they are!" retorts the female scientist.
"Then you must be smarter than me!" growls the male, "And every other expert who agrees with me!"
"I don't know about the other experts but I'm definitely smarter than you are!" hisses the female scientist.
You could cut the sexual tension with a knife, Gentle Dodgers.
The twerps interrupt the intellectual debate before it can denigrate into fisticuffs (or evolve into necking), the twerps get involves, trying to calm the angry scientists down. It turns out that the scientists are here in the forest looking for a Sudowoodo just like the twerps. But where as the kids want them for the purpose of barter, the scientists are interested in them for research purposes.
Introductions are made and we learn that the scientists are stinking French foreigners like Pikachu. Pierre (the male) and Marie (the female), (bravo to anyone clever to spot the references to Pierre and Marie Currie) are doing research on the Sudowoodo that live in this particular habitat, which has lead to the serious argument. It seems that Pierre puts great stock in research that has previously been done and refuses to even acknowledge the possibility that they may be wrong. Marie, on the other hand, almost entirely discounts the research in favour of her own theories, and it has caused both these crazy kids to butt heads. The main bone of contention is that the books claim that Sudowoodo is a Rock-Type, something that Pierre agrees with and Marie doesn't believe in.
Misty is surprised to hear that Sudowoodo is a Rock-Type, it looks more like a Grass-Type to her, and aren't Rock-Type's usually more gravely and rocky like Onix and Graveller and Geo-Dude?
Marie agrees, she just can't believe that Sudowoodo is a Rock-Type, and she thinks finding out first hand is always the best way.
Enter Brock.
"Exactly right!" gasps the lovestruck Pokemon Breeder (snicker) as he grabs Marie by the hand, "Yours is the first hand I've held in a long time and I can tell you from personal experience you can't find this in a book!"
"Maybe you and I can do some research in the field of love?" Brock asks happily, before Misty inevitably grabs his ear and hauls him away.
"In that field your position is left out," grumbles Misty, hauling Brock away from the shocked scientists.
"I have a Pokemon who can spot a Sudowoodo and settle this once and for all!" roars Ash, clenching his fist..... uh... uhhm... clenchingly.
With that he calls out Noctowl and orders it to fly high and keep an eye out for Sudowoodo for them. Noctowl, who apparently knows what a Sudowoodo looks like, sets off and the twerps and scientists set out to see what they can see.
Along the way Ash attempts to join the ranks of academia and fails miserably. Marie explains to him that Sudowoodo have been known to look like all different type of fruit trees, and that their leaves even change colour just like real trees.
"Wow!" gasps Ash "They MUST be Grass-Types!"
Not so fast Ash, Pierre quickly bursts his bubble (and those of the Sudowoodo posing in Ash's fantasy) by reading from the book that Sudowoodo use branches and leaves from real trees to camouflage themselves to look like trees.
"Maybe not," sniffs Ash, getting commiseration from Pikachu which is sitting it's fat-ass on his shoulder.
His failed entry into the hallowed halls of academia are soon forgotten though (just like the alphabet!) as Noctowl hoots to get his attention. It leads them to a Sudowoodo hiding in the bushes, but this time it's disguise isn't enough to fool them. Ash calls Noctowl back and sends out Chikorita to beat Sudowoodo into unconsciousness so the scientists can study it.....
Charming little kids show, they say.
Sudowoodo flees in terror from the hot Latino Pokemon as it chases him on it's stubby little legs. But - perhaps realising it's 5 times bigger and heavier than Chikorita - Sudowoodo soon stops running, turns around begins flailing a long, heavy object in Chikorita's face.... GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!
Yes, it appears that Sudowoodo is using a Vine-Whip Attack, as a long green vine extends from one of it's ball-like hands. This would seem to prove that Marie is right, Sudowoodo IS a Grass-Type!
Sudowoodo slaps it's Vine-Whip at Chikorita, who contemptuous knocks it aside. The Vine drops into Marie's hand and she realises it was just something picked up in the forest.
"At least it has good taste in vines," suggests Brock.
Suddenly Sudowoodo attacks again, using what looks like a Razor-Leaf Attack on Chikorita. But again Chikorita slaps the attack aside, and further inspection shows the leaves are all dried up and old.
Chikorita fights back, hitting Sudowoodo with a Vine-Whip Attack, a 'real Vine-Whip Attack' as Ash notes. This sends the whining Sudowoodo stumbling backwards in horror and..... it lashes out with a Vine-Whip Attack of it's own!
The twerps and the scientists are astonished. Suddenly Sudowoodo can actually use the moves it was feigning earlier? Is it Grass or Rock? Even Pierre isn't entirely sure anymore.
"I just don't know what to believe anymore," mumbles Marie.
"When you do, just let me know and I'll agree with you," suggests Brock.
Marie suggests that Ash battle Sudowoodo with a different type of Pokemon so they can see what other attacks it might know. Agreeing, Ash calls back Chikorita and sends out Totodile.
Rasping with insane glee, Totodile dances on the spot as Sudowoodo continues it's little victory boogie from earlier.
"Sudowoodo may be a Grass-Type, but it sure likes to rock," puns Misty horribly.
Totodile tries a Tackle-Attack, but the wobbly Sudowoodo dodges aside and scrambles away as Totodile tries to hit it with a series of Water Gun Attacks. It's obvious aversion to water leads Pierre to surmise that it must be a Rock Type, it must be!
Since Sudowoodo seems agile enough to dodge Tackles and Water Guns, Ash calls for Totodile to try a Bite Attack. Sudowoodo turns and runs as fast as it can while the happy lunatic Totodile gives chase, itching to sink it's jaws into Sudowoodo and find out first hand what type it is.
Suddenly Sudowoodo crashes into the ground, disappearing from view!
"Huh?" asks Ash, not getting it as always, "Did Sudowoodo use Dig?"
"Maybe that means it's a Ground Type?" suggests a confused Marie.
But no, that was no move on Sudowoodo's part, as we soon learn when the weird Pokemon is lifted out of the hole in the ground entangled in a net. Who else could it be but Team Rocket!
"What's going on here!?!" demands a perplexed Ash.
"Prepare for trouble coz we're in cahoots!" proclaims.... a tree!?!
"And make it double, right down to our roots!" adds.... another tree!?!
"To protect the world from devastation." says one tree, bouncing into view.
"To unite all peoples within our nation," adds the other tree, bouncing in so both stand on either side of a stump.
"To denounce the evils of truth and love," says the first tree, tossing away the branches she is holding.
"To extend our reach to the stars above," continued the second tree, tossing away his own branches.
"Jesse," announces Jesse, ripping away a piece of trunk to reveal her face.
"James," pronounces James, pulling his face-mask away as well.
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight."
"Daaaaaaat's right!" shouts Meowth, bursting out of the stump with paw raised high in triumph.
Ash - apparently unsurprised at meeting Team Rocket in a forest dressed as trees - demands they hand over Sudowoodo (as if they have any claim to it, it was running AWAY from them), much to Meowth's amusement.
"We trees are leaving!" quips Jesse.
Before anyone can stop them, Weezing whips up a Smoke-Screen that has them too busy coughing (sniff, Koffing!) to see what's happening. By the time the smoke has cleared, Team Rocket have disappeared!
Of course, the fact that this Pokemon has been kidnapped leads Marie to weep over what's really important.... she might never get another chance to prove her theories!
Brock is quick to console her though, grabbing her by the hands and telling her, "Don't worry Marie, we'll find that Sudowoodo! And if we don't... I'll leave my friends! And dedicate myself to working with you around the clock 24/7 every hour of the day and night...."
BAM! Misty's mallet has returned just in time!
Meanwhile Team Rocket find themselves in a similar quandary to Marie and Pierre. What type of Pokemon IS Sudowoodo?
Wobuffet pops out of his Pokeball as Sudowoodo dances for James (he's not THAT gay, Sudowoodo), infuriating Jesse who claims that nobody wants to see him. As they try to figure out what type Sudowoodo is, they realise that they have an all purpose Pokemon Translator in their midst! Meowth can ask the tied up Pokemon to give them the 411.
Sudowoodo's reply is less than forthcoming, as it asks them if they can eat. Jesse contains her rage and sweetly asks Meowth to explain that they can eat as soon as Sudowoodo tells them what type it is.
"According to Sudowoodo, it's da type dat wants to eat," Meowth replies, driving Jesse insane with rage - and terrifying everyone but Wobuffet, who simply nods sagely and proclaims, "Wobuffet."
Giving up on trying to unwrap the secrets of Sudowoodo, Jesse decides they should just take it to the old fisherman and get their trip across the river.
There's just one problem, the old fisherman doesn't seem too impressed, even suggesting it might not be a Sudowoodo!
Staring warily at Sudowoodo, the fisherman asks Sudowoodo if it is, in fact, a Sudowoodo, and it replies by shaking it maraca-like hands. "Why isn't it saying anything?" he asks suspiciously.
"Maybe it don't like tah talk tah strangers?" suggests Meowth cattily.
"Well whatever it is," sighs the fisherman, "It doesn't look to healthy.
"I can fix that!" smiles James, "TA-DA!"
With that he pulls out one of the most disturbing things we've ever seen. Officially it's a Squirtle Watering Can, but we'll be damned if it doesn't bring back memories of the Gimp from Pulp Fiction.
You younger Dodgers will be horrified in a few years.
Anyways, Sudowoodo spots the watering can and goes batshit, tearing away several feet until it's ropes/leash pull it back. Jesse and Meowth struggle to keep it still as James approaches to drop some water on it and make it 'healthier'.
The disturbingly kinky Squirtle-Can tilts, water dropping out of it and falling towards Sudowoodo, falling, falling, falling..... and Sudowoodo snaps the rope and tears off kicking up smoke like the Dukes Of Hazzard.
Dodgemaster Lex's Note: Laugh at Tim, Dodgers, for he is an old man.
"I don't understand," mutters James, the water pouring out of the kinky Squirtle, "Why wouldn't Sudowoodo want a refreshing little sprinkle?"
Make of that, what you will.
As James takes off after Jesse and Meowth, the old fisherman proves his wily business skills haven't faded with age. If he can catch Sudowoodo himself! Why that's for free!
Meanwhile the twerps are engaged in hard target search of every outhouse, roadhouse, henhouse and shithouse in a ten mile radius in their efforts to find Sudowoodo..... or rather, they're standing in a field of rocks looking confused.
Misty is convinced that Sudowoodo and Team Rocket must be miles away by now, at which point Pikachu pulls on Ash's pantsleg and points out that Sudowoodo is standing on a rock several feet away.
Well obviously Pierre and Marie are ecstatic, now that Sudowoodo is out of the evil clutches of Team Rocket, they can take it back to their lab and perform a series of brutal, inhuman tests on it!
Perhaps sensing it's fate, Sudowoodo leaps down from it's rock and runs in horror, while Brock gives chase, zooming ahead of it before doing one of the dodgiest things we've seen in a long while.
Brock tackles Sudowoodo to the ground and.... humps and licks it!
"Hey calm down, I'm your friend!" Brock explains to the struggling Sudowoodo as he humps it, "Like a friendly Lickitung!"
With that the licking begins....
Charming little kids show, apparently.
....in any case, after humping, licking and then feeding the Sudowoodo, Brock convinces it to go back to Pierre and Marie's Research Lab. Once there, they try to convince it to use Vine-Whip again, but it intimates that it can't do it. Brock tries bribing it with food again, but after chowing down on some Poke-chow it still won't do a Vine-Whip.
Being a responsible, ethical scientist, Marie suggests that they try beating a response out of it. She asks Ash to use a Pokemon to force the poor little horrified Pokemon into doing what they want. Ash agrees and sends Pikachu in to hit Sudowoodo with a ThunderShock Attack. Sudowoodo screams in pain then blasts the ground with a Thundershock of it's own!
Pikachu barely dodges the blast and the shocked twerps and scientists try to figure out what the hell's going on. Could Sudowoodo be an Electric Type?
Pierre may have the answer though, as he finds an old book listing Sudowoodo Attacks.... including Mimic.
Mimic, apparently, is an attack that mimics the moves of another Pokemon. This explains why Sudowoodo was able to do Vine-Whip and Thundershock only AFTER seeing Chikorita and Pikachu perform them respectively.
That still doesn't answer the question of whether or not Sudowoodo is a Rock-Type or Grass-Type though. Pierre though, is ready to do a little of that research Marie accused him of neglecting earlier. Grabbing a hose from the sink, he turns it on and aims the spray at Sudowoodo. Shocked, the terrified lab subject leaps away and jumps through an open window to get away. Marie, who just electrocuted the Sudowoodo a few minutes earlier, is horrified at this unethical move from Pierre and snaps at him as Ash and Pikachu chase Sudowoodo to try and catch it.
Poor old Sudowoodo finds itself between a rock and a hard place, though, when Meowth suddenly leaps up before it while Ash and Pikachu come up it's rear (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!).
Jesse and James arrive and demand that Sudowoodo be handed over to them. Not an unreasonable request considering that they DID capture it, which Ash bizarrely describes as 'stealing'.
The old Fisherman arrives on the scene next and some revelations are made. Why is the old man looking for a Sudowoodo? Because his granddaughter is Marie!
Yep, he knows that Marie is looking for a Sudowoodo to research, so he's been asking everyone he meets to help him find one! This has caused some problems obviously, because it gives Team Rocket just as much right as the twerps to hunt the Sudowoodo.... which, it's fairly obvious, doesn't want to be caught by anyone.
Jesse calls out Arbok and Ash calls out Cyndaquil, both of them flanking Sudowoodo and ready to fight over it. Arbok attacks first, but Sudowoodo grabs it by the tail as it flies by and Slams it into the ground. Then it Feints and Low Kicks, all moves that Pierre notes down with great delight.
Delighted also is Jesse, who proclaims, "It's tricky, slippery and cowardly, we've found the perfect Pokemon for Team Rocket!"
"WOBBUFFET!" agrees Wobuffet, and for once Jesse seems happy to see the big blue blob. She tells it that, with it's help, Sudowoodo will be on the team!
Wobuffet steps forward to throw down with Sudowoodo but before they can have a legitimate battle, Ash interferes (against Pokemon Battling rules, by the way) and attacks Wobbuffet with Cyndaquil. Cyndaquil uses a Flamethrower Attack but, surprisingly, Sudowoodo steps into it, absorbs the damage then Mimics the attack back at Cyndaquil!
Pierre and Marie are very excited by this proof that Sudowoodo does indeed know Mimic, which also excites Jesse. Sudowoodo knows Mimic!
That makes it even more valuable! She tries to get Wobbufet to fight with Sudowoodo but Ash interferes, sending Cyndaquil in with a Tackle Attack.
Wobbuffet Counter-Attacks though and sends Cyndaquil tumbling backwards through the air. It's plainly obvious that Ash is at a disadvantage here, so the twerps decide to just cheat and break all the rules.
Misty calls out her Poliwhirl, then gets Ash to distract Wobbuffet by having Cyndaquil use it's Flamethrower. As Wobbuffet prepares to Counter-Attack, Poliwhirl illegally attacks, blasting Wobbuffet back with a Water-Gun Attack into Meowth, Jesse and James.
"It looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!" gasps Jesse as the inordinately powerful Water-Gun sends them flying miles through the air at Mach-4.
The twerps are ecstatic that their completely illegal and immoral battle techniques worked, but Sudowoodo is not overly pleased. The remnants of Poliwhirl's Water Gun are spraying down all around it, and it runs around in horror trying to get away from the water. It tears off and Grandfather Fisherman and Ash try to get it back, but Marie tells them to let it go.
She's gotten the information she wanted and all it cost her was a little time and some hideous physical and psychological damage to Sudowoodo.
Yes it turns out that Sudowoodo IS a Rock-Type. That's why it doesn't like water. But she also now knows that Sudowoodo knows Mimic, which explains why it can do other types of Attacks.
Both Marie and Pierre thank the kids for helping them to abuse a poor Pokemon in the interests of academic research, and everyone has a good laugh.
Oh those vivisectionists!
And so they all wave goodbye, the old man fulfills his end of the deal and takes them across the incredibly narrow river and it all ends happily for everyone..... well, not quite everyone.
As always, Team Rocket get a sad ending. Staggering their way up the side of a cliff-face, Jesse and Meowth growl at James to hurry up and move himself. James gets to the top of the cliff and grabs a tree-branch, pulling himself up as Jesse and Meowth grab onto him for support... and the branch turns out to be Sudowoodo.
Obviously suffering from intense physical and psychological pain, Sudowoodo flinches in horror and pulls it's arm free from Team Rocket, leaving them hanging suspended in space before they fall with a cry of, "SUDO-WOOD-NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
And so that's it..... all done, show's over for today. Except for the day's lesson.
Remember how Marie and Pierre were arguing over Sudowoodo's type? Remember how Marie raised all those points that disagreed with accepted conventional theory? Remember how she ended up being proven completely wrong? Remember how all of her own theories and arguments eventually turned out to be disproved already in those books that Pierre was so fond of reading?
And finally, did you notice how Pierre didn't rub this in her face and even made out that she was right to question the wisdom of relying on the heavily researched data presented by hundreds and thousands of experts?
You may be asking yourself why, and the answer is a simple one, Gentle Dodgers.
Men will put up with anything if there's even the slightest hint of a possibility that they might get sex out of it.
And you can put that in your pipe and smoke it, kids.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Don't worry, Marie, we'll find that Sudowoodo and if we don't i'll leave my friends and dedicate myself to working with you 24/7 every minute of the day and night"
 "Woba-fett!"
 "Get back in your ball, no-body wants to look at you"
"Wobafett!"
 "I don't understand why wouldn't Sudowodo want a refreshing little sprinkle"
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