154: The Fortune Hunters
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Best of all, though, is that unashamed scene stealer, James of Team Rocket. Whether it's through a piece of alliteration, a funny rhyme, a squeal of glee, a dodgy line, an outrageously flamboyant costume or delightful visual gag between himself and a member of the same sex.
And yet now...
Not only does James steal the show in this episode, he steals it, runs home with it, puts in a ransom demand for it, has it develop Helsinki Syndrome and join in on his crime spree and refuse to be reintegrated into society following it's release.
James goes so far over the line in this episode, pushes the limits of acceptable homoeroticism as far as terrified American Translators can allow it that it becomes impossible for a viable alternative to the age old question about James and his predilections to ever be considered.
So this is the day an ailing, long mortally wounded cause known as Rocketshipping finally let out it's death rattle and died, but we won't belabour the point, because it would just kill the joke. You'll see it for yourself when you watch the episode, for us to bring it up every time it occurs in the episode would get real old, real fast. And thus, instead of the obligatory "James is gay" or "Well what can you say about that?" or "Make of it what you will," we'll just nod our heads, cross our arms over our chests, lean back, smirk and say, "Goochie."
Ladies and gentlemen, Dodgers and casual readers alike :
The Fortune Hunters.
As always before great events, there is calm and a surrounding normalcy to events. We find the twerps arriving in a small town and instantly heading to the Pokemon Centre to freeload some lodging and food. Stepping through the automatic doors, they spot a group of small children giggling excitedly over a book, which turns out not to be Teen Hits but rather a Pokemon Fortune Telling Book.
According to one annoyingly small child, the book labels her as a Bulbasaur Type, and the book is almost always right.
Intrigued, Misty approaches the children and asks them what all this is about, and they gasp is astonishment at 'the old ladys' lack of knowledge, surely everyone knows about Pokemon Fortune Telling!
Apparently it involves using a small blue book as a guide, you look up your birthday and it explains what kind of Pokemon Type best represents you. One little girl, it seems, is a Bulbasaur Type, while another is a Squirtle Type.
It all sounds very exciting to Misty who is, let's face it, a young teenage girl, and she asks to look up her birthday to see what kind of Pokemon Type represents her, but the small children recoil at her approach.
The little girl explains that she isn't supposed to let someone else look at her book - getting nods of agreement from her friends whom have all been gathered around looking at her book for free - but if she wants a copy to call her own, she can get one from the nice old lady and man who run the new daycare centre up the road.
"The Daycare Centre?" asks Misty, confused, then smiles happily as Togepi - for some bizarre reason - roars with drunken laughter.
Soon the kids find themselves at the Daycare Centre, where a perplexed Ash, Brock and Pikachu watch a smiling Misty accept a Pokemon Fortune Telling Book from a nice old lady in a shawl, while an Amish Gentleman beams happily at her side.
The old lady explains to Misty that she merely needs to look up her birthday in the book and it will explain her Pokemon Type to her, as well as a fortune.
"It's really very simple," grates the gravel-hacked voice of the Amish Gentleman, sounding extraordinarily familiar to all and sundry, "The book might say you're a NidoQueen Type, if you're a Nidoqueen Type and you have a Nidoqueen, you'll also have good luck."
"AHHH!" ahhh's Misty happily before a small boy rushes in and rudely interupts everyone, asking the old couple if he needs to get a Seadra for good luck, as the book tells him he's a Seadra Type.
"Imm-hmmm," beams the old lady happily,"That's the way it works." The little boy looks slightly crestfallen, as he only has a Golbat and he's got no idea where he'll be able to find a Seadra to trade for it.
But it's gravelly-voiced-Amish-Man and En-Shrawled-Old-Lady to the rescue, offering to hold onto the boys Golbat for him in case someone with a Seadra pops in looking to make a trade.
The excited boy hands over his Pokeball and rushes off without a care in the world for his hastily deserted Pokemon as the old couple explain to the twerps that they also help small children to trade thier Pokemon.
"Excuse me?" speaks up a sheepish Brock at last, pressing his fingers nervously against each other,"Does the book say anything about love and romance?"
"ABBBB-SO-LUTELY!" agrees the old woman happily.
"ARGGGGHHH! BUY IT ASH! BUY IT! BUY IT!" roars Brock to Ash eagerly, thrusting the financial responsibilities and leadership duties onto the frail, Pikachu-laden shoulders of a 13 year old crack baby.
"Sigh," replies Ash.
With the book bought and paid for (with the copious amounts of money saved from almost constant freeloading) the kids rush off to a nice secluded place to pore over their new buy with all the enthusiasm of astonished 14 year old boys with their first porno mag.
Misty, all eager and girly and happy, decides out loud that she's going to check out Ash's fortune first, hoping to get a rise out of her boyfriend....OH GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!
Ash, being a boy, doesn't believe any of that baloney, but Misty, being a girl, isn't going to let a little thing like that stop her. Gleefully looking up her man's birthday (which she knows without asking, by the way) she discovers that Ash is a Bellsprout.
"I'm a Bellsprout?" asks a perpetually confused Ash.
"Pika-Pika?" mumbles a disbelieving Pikachu.
"People who have a Bellsprout Type personality," reads on Misty as we're treated to the pelvic gyrations of a Bellsprout against a pink and orange backdrop (acid freaks are losing it right about now) mumbling it's own name, "Are very passive, and are easily swayed by the opinions of others."
In case the acid freaks haven't topped themselves yet, Ash's sick looking head appears on the gyrating Bellsprout's body.
"That's a load of junk!" growled the aggressive, stubborn Ash at this description, which is basically the complete opposite of his real personality, "I'm not a Bellsprout!"
"Hehe," hehe's Brock with a bright flash of teeth, enjoying Ash's humiliation.
"Right now you're acting more like a Krabbie," giggles Misty, as Togepi silently hisses with amusement and a shocked Pikachu gets more and more distressed.
"Hey! Oh!" gasps Brock, turning the page over to what we presume is Ash's birthday, only a month apart at the most ,"I guess I'm an Onyx Type!"
A Ga-Rooaring Onyx appears against a yellow-blue gradient backdrop.
"Onyx Types are very hard working, and very detail oriented," reads Brock as an image of his stern head appears above the Onyx's body, quietly agreeing with this pleasing statement.
"That sounds exactly like you Brock!" gasps a pleased Misty, certain that this is proof of the books validity,"Don't you think so?" In his best chin scratching, nothing-beats-a-jelly-filled-donut pose Brock hmms and haws as Togepi roars with laughter, before finally stating categorically,"Let's see, if I'm an an Onyx Type personality and I have an Onyx, that must mean I'm pretty lucky!"
Instantly the introspective pose ends and he clutches his fists angrily to his chin, bending over as he roars,"HA! Maybe that means I'm about to meet a very lucky girl!!!!"
"I beat I'm a cute Vulpix Type, or maybe more of a Water-Type like a Vaporeon!" squeals Misty after a few moments of uncomfortable silence follows Brock's proclamation. She quickly begins leafing through the book as Togepi continues to find great amusement in their gullibility.
She opens the book to her birthday, looks in with a smile and suddenly we're facing shoddy-animation Misty, who has been left in her original clean-up format and forgotten to be coloured.
Either that or she's in shock, as the now grey Misty glares in disbelieving shock, her face frozen in a manic grin as she reads what Pokemon Type personality she is, as Brock and Ash slide into shot and find out what she is.
A GYRADOS!
Yes the unholy, roaring, completely unnecessarily angry serpent of the seas. We're quickly treated to a shot of the massively powerful and unstable Pokemon before a headshot of an angry Misty replaces it's own horrific visage.
"THAT FORTUNE STUFFS A LOT OF BALONEY!" roars Gyrados/Misty before we cut back to an introspective Ash and Brock bookending a highly bemused Togepi and unimpressed Misty.
"That's very accurate," comments Ash dryly.
"It's amazing how a book like that book can be so...." starts Brock, before the fury of Gyrados/Misty cuts him off.
"YOU BETTER NOT SAY YOU AGREE!!!" roars Gyrados Misty. "It's amazing how a book like that can be so wrong!" squeals a sweating Brock, backpedalling wildly away from the enraged Gyrados/Misty.
Soon we find the three heading back towards the Daycare Centre, Misty complaining angrily all the way. She pounds ahead of Ash and Brock, her big mouth flapping angrily, roaring out her indignation to the world as Ash and Brock get progressively more alarmed, until finally Ash deigns to speak and faces the wrath of Gyrados/Misty, telling her not to take it so....
"WELL HOW SHOULD I TAKE IT MR BELLSPROUT!?!?!?!" roars the enraged Gyrados/Misty, as Ash backs off with his arms held out in what is either a warding off gesture or an attempt to feel up her breasts.
You picked the perfect time to hit puberty, Ash my lad.
"It says here that Gyrados Types are stubborn loners who rarely listen to the wise advice of others," she hisses angrily, reading from the book as Ash and Brock prepare for an ass-whupping and Togepi quietly chuckles with almost Brandoooon levels of bemusement, "They are frequently grouchy and irritable and lose their temper! Now how would you like it if it said that about you!"
With that she huffs off, as a resigned Ash and Brock follow on behind.
"Listen Misty," Brock attempts,"You shouldn't be so...."
And with that the Earth swallows them hole.
No, it's not Mother Nature's enraged revenge for a male daring to tell a woman how to react, but rather a hole dug by none other than our own beloved Team Rocket. The twerps find themselves crashed down hard on the bootom, Brock clenching his teeth in pain, Misty clenching hers in fury and Ash clenching his in abject humiliation and the incredibly dodgy position he and Pikachu now find themselves in.
You'll have to see it to believe it, Gentle Dodgers.
"OKAY!" roars Gyrados/Misty, failing to note she lost her Fortune Book when she fell down the hole, "What's the big idea!?!"
Her answer comes in the form of a motto, performed by two space suited figures standing at the edge of the hole.
"Prepare for trouble we've got you this time."
"And make it double, that's easy to rhyme!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Haha," laughs Jesse as she removes her helmet,"Jesse."
"James," giggles James, removing his own.
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight."
"Meowth, dat's right!" agrees Meowth, popping into shot in front of Jesse and James, who are standing on board a cardboard cut-out of a rocket.
"It's you again!" growls Ash angrily, in case we didn't realise it was, in fact, them again.
"PI-PIKACHU!" agrees Pikachu angrily.
Well, you can't argue with that.
"Yes, and since we are members of Team Rocket, we thought it would be nice to dress the part," Jesse says, explaining away the space-man costumes.
"I LOVE the Apollo 11 look!" smiles James, legs spread manfully apart.
Goochie.
"Show 'em our new gadgets!" cackles Meowth.
"Go Mini-Meowth Balloon One!" cries Jesse.
"Go Balloon Two!" commands James.
Two tiny, minature sized Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloons float into shot, the Meowth faces the same size as the real deal.
But despite the new minature threat and their approaching rubber, robotic hands, Gyrados/Misty is unfazed and retorts with an attack of her own, calling out Staryu which quickly pops both balloons and kicks up a lot of dust for some reason.
As Meowth cries out in shock at the death of his brethren, he notes he's standing on something and looks down to discover Misty's Fortune Book, as Jesse and James note to their dismay that the enraged Gyrados/Misty has escaped her trap and is coming ever closer.
"I was all ready mad before you pulled that pitfall trick," she growls at them as Togepi silently cackles with insane laughter, "You picked the wrong person to play with."
A giant black road intersection diagram appears in the corner of her forehead as she roars, "So now I'm going you why you shouldn't play around with ME!"
"STARYU!" she commands, "LET'S FLUSH TEAM ROCKET INTO THE STRATOSPHERE WITH YOUR WATER-GUN ATTACK!!!!"
"H-yaah!" agrees Staryu succintly, and proceeds to do just that, sending Team Rocket blasting off.... all ready!
Luckily Misty's boast to send Team Rocket into the stratosphere was merely that, a boast, and after having their space-costumes destroyed, Team Rocket crashes into little abandoned park where the twerps were previously reading over their Fortune Book.
Jesse clears her head, then notes to her surprise that Meowth, hardly the most literal of Pokemon (the only book he ever read was a pre-schoolers alphabet picture book) is clutching a blue book in his paw.
She asks him where he got it, having obviously recovered from yet another ass-whupping in record time, and he explains that he found it just before they got blasted off, and that it's a guide to Pokemon Fortune Telling!
"Oooh!" gasps Jesse, who is after all a girl, "Pokemon Frotune Telling!"
She whips it off Meowth and quickly starts reading through it, eyes squeezed shut in happy, childish pleasure as Meowth tries to get a look and a confused James just watches on. "I've heard all about these little books," she explains happily, mouth compressed into a little rosebud, "I've been meaning to shoplift one."
"What is Pokemon Fortune Telling?" asks James.
"It compares people to Pokemon and tells your fortune," she explains, before looking happily up into the clear blue sky, "Let's see, it'll probably say I'm an elegant Ninetails Type."
Her eyes squeeze shut in joy at the thought and she giggles, before reading on.
"It says... oooooh-ahhh!" she gasps happily, blushing in embarassment, but also pleased as punch, "It says I'm an Eevee Type!" Instantly we the male viewers of the world are treated to an absolutely delightful image of Jesse lying on her stomach, winking at the camera and supporting her face with her hands as a cute little Eevee stands unnoticed besides her.
"Yes that's me," she giggles, still holding her face as we return to the real world, still blushing with pleasure, "A cuddly, adorable Eevee!"
"Jess sure don't seem like an Eevee," Meowth murmurs to James.
"More like an E-Vil," agrees James with a mumble.
"Hey Jess! Look up what type a Pokemon Personality Type matches me!" begs Meowth as an angry Jesse and surprised James eye him up.
"You little furbrain, you are a Pokemon!" Jesse reminds him angrily.
"Oh yeah," mumbles poor, heartbroken little Meowth as James' mouth drops in amusement, "I forgot about dat."
"Would you like me to look up your Fortune for you James?" Jesse asks.
"All right, but I don't believe in those silly things," scoffs James with a beaming grin.
As Jesse looks it up, James stands up and moves away.
"Here it is... you're a.... HUH!?!"
"He's a....?" asks Meowth, and takes a look, gasping in shock as he sees what Jesse sees and discovers what James is.
A MOLTRES!
Yes, that regal, noble bird of majestic flame that sweeps unhindered by gravity through the night, ignoring the laws of physics as it burns eternally but is never burnt, one of the Legendary Pokemon and master of fully one quarter of the world's elements.
MOLTRES!
"The Moltres Type will always prevail," reads an astonished Jesse, "And just like a real Moltres the Moltres Type personality... soars ..... high above all others?"
"Haha-hah!" laughs James, standing beside them, "Now isn't that ridiculous!"
"A-hhheah," a-hhheahs a blushing Jesse, "Absolutely."
"Yeah, dere's nuttin Moltres-y about you, Jimmy-Boy!" agrees an equally blushing Meowth.
Jesse reads on, discovering his fortune for the day, apparently James will have good fortune with money and find something lost.
"Too bad those fortunes never come true, isn't it?" beams James, then frowns as something on the ground catches his eye, "What is that shiny little thing?"
He bends down and picks it up, gasping in surprise as his find, "It's a.... 1867 SILVER DOLLAR! This must be my lucky day!"
"Hey, dat's pretty good luck in matters a money, if yah ask me," grunts Meowth with evident jealousy.
"Oh please, it's just a coincidence," laughs James, then begins shaking his foot before bending down, "Hey, what is this in my shoe?"
He pulls off his boot and empties the contents into the palm of his hand, and what should pop out but a shiny bottlecap, one that he has been looking for for weeks and was sure he had lost.
Jesse and Meowth are in shock, both predictions have come true, but James still insists it's all a coincidence and heads off to get a drink of water from the water fountain.
Looking at the fortune again, Jesse and Meowth note there is one more prediction, James should beware of danger near water.
Well that's just ridiculous, jokes James as he stoops to have a drink of water, "We're nowhere near any water."
Immediately water blasts into his face as the fountain bursts, leaving an astonished James standing with water blasting directly into his face.
Jesse and Meowth stand behind him in shock as the water clears and a shocked James mumbles ,"It was right, that silly little Fortune Telling Book was right!"
And then suddenly a change comes over James as he twists about and forcefully, manfully whips the Pokemon Fortune Book from Jesse so that he can get a closer look, although he can't quite pull off the manly thing right, as he squeals girlishly as he does so.
Goochie.
"Moltres Type," he reads, "No matter what difficulties befall them, The Moltres Type will always prevail, and just like a real Moltres the Moltres Type personality soars high above all others and triumphs!"
He drops the book down and looks on in utter shock as the realisation finally hits fully on the poor, henpecked, lowest rung on the Team Rocket ladder.
"I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!" he roars in his best, campest deep voice, "Through all the pain! Through all the humiliation! I always felt I was meant for something greater!"
This is accompanied by images of James getting stomped on by Jesse, getting slapped about by Jesse and having his hair completely cut off alongside Jesse and Meowth by some angry Scythers.
"MWA-HAHA-MWA HA! MWAHAHA-HAH!" James roars with campy evil laughter.
"James are you all righ..." starts Jesse, but James cuts her off, thrusting the book into her arms and scampering away, quickly hauling himself up a streetlight whilst making, "Ha-haahh-heh----HOOOOH! noises...
.... don't get us started on the symbolism here folks....
where he stands in all his dramatic glory, proclaiming to the world, "I, JAMES AM A MIGHTY MOLTRES! And like the Mighty Moltres I am destined to RUUUULE!"
The camera closes in on his face as his eyes grow wide with exultation and his mouth opens in an enormous grin, "First I shall become the supreme ruler of Team Rocket!"
The camera pans about him as he stands atop the streetlight, arms cast wide as he surveys the town stretched out before him,"Then... then, I shall become the ruler of ALL POKEMON! AH-HEH-HAAH!"
Goochie.
"Our Moltres is certainly full of himself," mutters Jesse, standing beside Meowth at the base of the streetlight, looking up at the bizarrely campy macho antics of thier friend.
"He's full of hot air," mutters Meowth.
James leaps down dramatically before them before drawing himself up to his full height.
"HEAR ME!" he proclaims, looking off in another direction as a shocked Jesse sees the reins of leadership taken away from her in one dramatic, campy gesture,"From this day forward you will be my subjects and I will be the Mighty Moltres-like Monarch whom you will obey and reVERE!"
"What?" responds Jesse, more bemused/confused than anything else.
"Revere you?" replies Meowth sarcastically.
"Correct!" agrees James, ignoring the sarcasm, "I believe I saw a Daycare Centre in the last town, we shall go there in haste, and I shall lead you in pillaging and plundering it's POKEMON!"
As Jesse and Meowth respond with open-mouthed astonishment to this proclamation, James clenches a fist and continues,"Your Moltres Master will lead you to victory!"
And with that he twists about, throws one arm high in the air and squeals,"MOaaaa-hhhAAAAHHH!!!" before taking off, leaving Jesse and Meowth to follow him, too confused to question him for the moment.
An undisclosed amount of time later we discover the newly James-led Team Rocket at the Daycare Centre. James eyes the first of his many conquests up and down for a moment.
"Well here it is," Meowth notes,"I guess we should sneak in da back way."
Well business is business and pleasure is pleasure, and never the twain shall meet, so for once in his life James turns his nose up at going in through the back way and shoots Meowth's plan down in flames.
"Out of the question," he grins with a shake of his head, "Sneaking and skulking is no way for James the Moltres to arrive and engage in battle."
Grabbing Jesse by the wrist and pulling her after him, he proclaims confidently,"We shall hold our heads high and proudly right march through the front porthole! MAKE WAY!"
"SO! The Moltres is here!" James announces as he steps through the automatic doors with Jesse and Meowth just behind him.
"Pardon me?" asks the old, cuddly woman with a confused smile.
"I said the Moltres is here," he repeats with a grin, pointing to himself,"I am he and I come to claim your Pokemon!"
He strides forward bravely, crying, "NOW AWAY!"
"Oh really," chuckles the cuddly old lady, grabs James by his shirt and spins him around and around with scary strength.
"EEEE! OOO-EEEEEEEE!" squeals James.
Goochie.
"Hey let go of him!" demands Jesse angrily.
"Get away!" grates the gravelly-voiced-Amish-Man and grabs Jesse as Cuddly old lady tosses James against a wall. Showing near Old Testament levels of disdain towards women, gravelly-voiced-Amish-Man throws Jesse after James and she too smashes into the wall as a shocked Meowth stammers for words.
"How dare you treat James the Moltres this way!" snaps James angrily, "Where did you get the audacity and where did you get the muscles!?!"
"We thought we might have the bad fortune to run into you two again," explains the cuddly old lady.
"Weeeeeee..... don't know you two," Meowth finally gets out.
"Maybe you'll remember our motto," grates gravelly-voiced-Amish-Man.
"We'd be glad to refresh your memories," cackles the cuddly old lady.
"Prepare for trouble," grates gravelly-voiced-Amish-Man,"And make it double."
"To infect the world with devastation."
"To blight all peoples in every nation."
"To denounce the goodness of truth and love."
"To extend our wrath to the stars above."
"Cassidy," cries Cassidy, removing her cuddly old lady mask.
"And Butch," adds Butch, becoming simply gravelly voiced man rather than gravelly-voiced-Amish-Man.
"Team Rocket, circling earth all day and night."
"Surrender to us now or you'll surely lose the fight."
"RAAAAAAAATICATE!"
Well what can we say, Gentle Dodgers........
THEIR MOTTO FREAKING SUCKS!!!!
"Cassidy!" growls Jesse, throwing off the malaise that's come over her since James bizarre, campy attempt to be macho.
"And Botch too!" gasps James.
"THE NAME IS BUTCH!" grates Butch angrily, "CAN'T YOU GET ANYTHING RIGHT!?!"
"Now we'll have to make sure you don't get in our way," mutters Cassidy darkly, ominously and threateningly.
But none of that is important, because right now the Dodgemasters are bemoaning a lost opportunity.
Oh why oh why didn't Butch say, "Can't you get anything straight!?!"
"Gerrreaa-acchhh," gerrreaa-acchhhh's Jesse when we rejoin our beloved Team Rocket another undisclosed amount of time later. Her, James and Meowth are tied up in ropes and have been stashed in a corner of the back of Butch and Cassidy's fake Daycare Centre, surrounded by crates and boxes ,"I can't stand that Cassidy."
"I bet dey got some super-smart scheme going dough!" moans Meowth.
But oddly enough James is not in a similarly depressed state, in fact despite being tied up (or perhaps because of it!) our beloved showstopper actually seems amused.
"FEAR NOT!" he projects calmly, "Remember that no matter what difficulties befall them, the Moltres Type will always prevail and triumph!"
Meowth seems less than impressed by this statement, but that all changes when James clenches, strains and with a high-pitched squeal of "MOLTRES!" bursts free from the ropes holding them!
"AHHH!" ahhh's Jesse in shock as James, without missing a beat, leaps forward and smashes his shoulder against the door leading out of the fake Daycare Centre.
On the second go he gets it, smashing the door open and sending him flying outside. He returns seconds later, calling to a shell-shocked Jesse and Meowth to follow him.
"Moltres has broken your bonds," he proclaims in a deep, theatrical voice that somehow makes him campier than ever, "Come! We must fly!"
"Wha....tever you say, James," Jesse finally manages to stammer out.
"You're da leader," agrees a surprised Meowth.
But we leave our beloved Team Rocket and their goochier than ever James for the moment and return to the so-called heroes of the show, the twerps.
They've returned to the Pokemon Centre following their run in with Team Rocket, where a depressed Misty is bemoaning the loss of her Pokemon Fortune Telling Book, even if it was silly.
Doing the boyfriend thing, Ash arrives with a hot drink for her and tells her she should forget it, but before this commiseration can take it's natural path into some hot and heavy frenching, a small boy approaches and asks Misty if she has a Poliwhirl.
"Immm? Yes, yes I do," replies Misty, confused both by the question and the fact that the little boy may very well be the love-child of the original Alfalfa from the Lil Rascals.
"That's excellent," replies Alfalfa Jr Jr,"I was wondering if you'd like to trade your Poliwhirl for my Gyrados."
Quickly overriding any questions they might have over how a punk kid like him ever caught a Gyrados, Alfalfa Jr Jr continues, "It says in that Pokemon Fortune Telling Book that I'm a Poliwhirl Type, and I know you're a Gyrados Type."
"HEY! How did you know that I'm supposed to be a Gyrados Type?" asks Misty.
"That kid over there said so," explains Alfalfa Jr Jr, pointing off in the distance where we find Brock hunched over before Nurse Joy, hwaaing away happily, trying desperately to get his freak on.
"I should have guessed that someone sweet like you would be a Clefairy Type, Nurse Joy," he moans happily to her, "Or more accurately, sweet AND beautiful!"
As Misty stares on with wide eyes, Ash looks even more like a parent than ever, standing there with eyes rolled back in his head and holding a hot beverage in his hand.
"A friend of mine found out she's a Gyrados," Brock continues happily, unaware of his audience, "Can you imagine? Hahaha!"
"GRRRRR!" grrrrr's Misty, crushing her paper cup (which as far as we can tell she never drank.... OUCH!) before storming angrily up towards Brock, whispering, "Brraaah-OCK!"
"She really is like a Gyrados," gulps Alfalfa Jr Jr, words echoed seconds later by an unsuspecting Brock.
"And she really is just like a mean, nasty, scary...." he's quickly cut off in mid-line, though, when Misty grabs him angrily by the ear and pulls, "Arrrhh, Misty! Nurse Joy was just telling me about that silly book again!"
"Come on!" growls Misty at the pained Brock, "We're going back to that Daycare Centre, to ask some questions!"
And back they go, arriving soon at the Daycare Centre where Misty makes quite an uproar, so fired up that even Togepi's leeching fails to calm her.
"HEY! WHERE IS EVERYONE!" Gyrados/Misty growls, "I've got a problem with your Pokemon Fortune Book!"
"Hmmm, maybe they're out to lunch?" suggests Ash, thinking as always with his stomach when nobody replies to Misty's demands and the centre remains empty.
"Let's check around back," suggests Brock, who would rather trespass and break the law than feel the wrath of Misty directed on him yet again.
They head round the back where they find the storage shed, cuddly old lady and gravelly-voiced-Amish-Man disappearing through the door just as they get there.
Misty, demonstrating the violent mood-swings that are usually the domain of the depressed or psychotic (and you'd have to be one or both to want to get it on with Ash) seems extremely happy to see them and she leads the others through the door to see what the old couple are up to.
But what they find is something far more sinister than Oldie Sex, as they discover scores of Pokemon locked away in tiny little cages, and the cuddly old lady and gravelly-voiced-Amish-Man aren't in fact a cuddly old lady and a gravelly-voiced-Amish-Man but Butch and Cassidy!
They watch in shock as the two Team Rocket members lower a giant viewscreen and the shadowy face of their master appears, Giovanni of Team Rocket!
Even though he probably knows the plan backwards and forwards, Giovanni, Butch and Cassidy all explain what's going on for the benefit of the twerps and us watching at home.
It seems that Butch and Cassidy happened upon a real Pokemon Fortune Telling Book in Goldenrod City which they then copied and sold to thousands, mainly small children. Best of all, they've convinced many immoral trainers to leave their Pokemon behind to be traded with ones that better 'suit' their Type.
Giovanni is ecstatic, but far too impatient, and he demands that they pack up operations and bring him all of the captured Pokemon as soon as possible.
With the conversation over, the massive viewscreen (which must cost a fortune to carry around and be hell on their backs) retracts and Butch and Cassidy prepare to carry out their orders.... until an enraged Gyrados/Misty stomps forward to confront them.
"WHO ARE YOU!?" growls Cassidy, obviously not remembering the face of the girl who put her in prison.
"Never mind who I am!" roars Misty, "You two are fakes and so is that Fortune Book!"
Togepi throws back it's head and roars silently with laughter as it feeds of Misty's rage, the angry red-head venting her spleen at Butch and Cassidy, "That book of yours says I'm a Gyrados... I'M NOT A GYRADOS!"
"And you tricked a lot of little kids into giving you their Pokemon!" Ash reminds everyone from several feet behind Misty.
"How low can you guys go!" snaps Brock.
"PIII-KACHU!" swears Pikachu obscenely.
"Now I know who you are," smiles Cassidy,"You're the little runts who ruined two of our plans before."
And with that it's on, Butch reaching for a Pokeball as Cassidy calls out Raticate. Ash fights the suckiness of Raticate with the insane joy of Totodile, giving us another excuse to see it's mad dance before the jealous Raticate headbuts it over. Totodile retaliates by sinking it's fangs into Raticate's fat, soft belly while Butch proves that he can throw like a girl when he tosses his Pokeball and sends out Primeape.
"I'll show you!" growls Misty, and counters with Staryu, which spins and hits Primeape, knocking it backwards momentarily before the angry little monkey fights back with a Dynamic Punch.
Staryu is out for the count immediately and Misty has no choice to recall it, all of the twerps gathering close and looking concerned except for Totodile, which is insanely happy to be so close to actual wooden crates!
And then....
And then.....
And then.........
And then..............
GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE GOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIEGOOCHIE
.....pant, pant, huuuh.... pant..... hu-huh.... pant....
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCCCCHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes the goochiest James ever has just arrived as a wall smashes open and a crane operated by Jesse and Meowth swings into place the most flaming James ever.
Ever.... fohr-EVAH!
"I AM THE FLAME THAT BURNS BRIGHTEST!" proclaims James as he is lowered into place, dressed in..... dressed in......... dressed in a skin tight yellow Moltres costume complete with feathers, plumage, bots, tail, beak on the head and one hell of a bulge around the crotchular region.
His head lowered, one feathered, winged arm cast down while the other shields his face, stretched outward to point ominously at Butch and Cassidy before he strikes a succession of poses, proclaiming "A FLAME THAT LIGHTS THE NIGHT! A FLAME THAT SHATTERS THE DARKNESS! I AM A FLAMING MOLTRES!"
A......... Flaming.............. Moltres.
And with that, he casts his arms wide to reveal feathered breast, before Jesse uses the crane controls to sweep him around as if he was flying, the backdrop of a mighty Moltres behind him.
"MWA-HAHAHAHAAAAAA!"
"Dat outfit," gasps a shocked Meowth from inside the cab of the crane, "Where'd he get it."
And Jesse, her face crestfallen as she finally releases all of her girly fantasies of turning James around, admits defeat and answers with words that will go down in history.
"I think that costume came right out of his closet."
"Immm?" ask a completely perplexed Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu and yes, even Togepi, which in a panic actually attempts to get out of Misty's arms!
"I'm glad you're here to see this twerps," the flaming one cries, turning his attention to the trio, "I shall capture all of your Pokemon too, for I am James.... THE MIGHT MOLTRES TYPE!"
His tail is pink.
"You clown!" growls Cassidy, "How did you ever get free?"
"HAHAHA-HAAAH!" laughs James, kicking a leg up, "The Moltres soars above all and triumphs!"
"You're not a Moltres," grumbles Misty. "My soul is the soul of a Moltres," James explains happily, "I learnt that from an amazing little book we found, the book changed my life, you should get yourself a copy!"
"Is it a little blue book?" asks Misty as Togepi finally realises what's going on and stares in slack-jawed, amazed humour at the flaming James before it.
"Why yes!" James replies, one winged hand cast under his chin to make him appear introspective, "It's called the Pokemon Fortune Telling Book, have you heard of it by any chance?"
"Yeah... we heard of it," sighs Misty.
"IF YOU SUBMIT TO MY RULE IT WILL GO WELL FOR YOU LATER!" speaks up James, a message intended more for the males than the females, we'd wager, "For I am James the Moltres, future ruler of all Pokemon and of all the world!"
"And now I will begin my rule triumphantly," he cries, throwing his arms around before Jesse spins the crane to fly him about towards Butch and Cassidy, squealing in a wobbly voice, "MOOLLL-TRES!"
"Prepare knaves!" he warns the other Team Rocket, then pulls loose a Pokeball from somewhere on his skintight (and we MEAN skintight) costume, throwing it to the ground, "I CHOOSE YOU!"
Victreebell emerges and immediately leaps for James, but the flaming one has had enough of the 'giving Victreebell head' jokes and kicks the screeching Pokemon away before admonishing it, "Listen you! You belong to James the magnificent Moltres, future ruler of all Pokemon! Now shape up or SHIP OUT!"
Confronted with this ultimateum, Victreebell choses the former and listens to James, preparing to fight as Cassidy sends Raticate in to attack with a Hyper-Fang. James is ready for this, though, and calls for Victreebell to use it's Stun Spore which, well.... it stuns Raticate and leaves it open for a Razor Leaf Attack.
"Excellent attacks!" grins James, "I'm proud of you Victreebell, you're fighting like the Pokemon of a Team Rocket leader!"
Victreebell screeches happily at this compliment from it's flaming master.
His tail is pink.
"There's been a real change in James!" gasps Jesse.
"Even his Victreebell's behaving," agrees Meowth.
"HAHAHA-HAAAAH! No one can conquer James the Moltres!" laughs James, clenching his fists, "For I shall always prevail and triumph no matter what!"
"How embarassing is this lunatic," sighs Cassidy. "I knew he was a looney bird," grates Butch, "But this is ridiculous!"
"Come on Botch," smirks James, posing bravely in his skintight costume, "You want a piece of me!"
"You better shut your beak!" rasps Butch.
"For your information," Cassidy informs James, "That Pokemon Fortune Telling Book is a fake, we made the whole thing up!"
"HU---HUH?" gasps James, his face falling.
"The whole thing's a big con, and you fell for it," grates Butch.
"You mean that.... you mean this entire book is a work of fiction!" gasps James, pulling the book out.
"That's right, it's all nonsense," growls Cassidy.
"Then the part about me being a Moltres Type?" whispers James, not wanting to believe it.
"A lie!" Butch delights in telling him.
With that fate catches up with the gloriously flaming James, and the rope holding him aloft snaps, crashing him to the ground as Victreebell watches on.
"Aaaaah," moans James, struggling to his feet, distraught, "The mighty Moltres.... grounded!"
"Wobb---uffet," commiserates a happy Wobuffet from completely out of nowhere, patting a dismayed James on the back.
"I suppose this revelation makes it doubtful I'm an Evee," sighs Jesse sadly.
"Jesse," smirks Cassidy,"Butch and I have been talking to the Boss and he's been very unhappy that you haven't brought him any Pokemon."
"GAAAAH-HEEEE!" exclaim Jesse and Meowth in shock.
"He didn't happen to mention anyting about me, did he?" asks Meowth.
"NO!" Cassidy snaps,"He said he thinks you're all equally incompetent."
"AAAH!" they cry, Meowth falling over and Jesse bowing her head before clenching her fists and retaking her rightful place as Team Rocket leader.
"Get them Wobuffet!"
"AHAHAHA!" laughs Cassidy as she faces off with the patiently pleased Wobuffet, "What can that bumbling blue blob do!"
"WOBBA! WOBBA!" Wobuffet mugs for the camera, saluting to the audience.
"RATICATE!" yells Cassidy,"Tackle Attack!"
"Wobuffet, Counter-Attack!" orders Jesse.
Raticate launches itself forward and suddenly finds itself flying backwards and crashing to the ground at Butch and Cassidy's feet, much to Cassidy's dismay, "Raticate! What's wrong!?!"
"AHAHAHAH!" laughs Jesse, enjoying the reversal of fortunes, "My blue blob's not so bumbling!"
"WOBBBBBB-UFFET!" agrees Wobuffet with a happy salute.
If the twerps are unimpressed by this, Totodile is freaking ecstatic and proves it by dancing with manic gusto, celebrating Wobuffet's victory of passive resistance over aggressive hostilities. Brock bravely decides that now will be the right time to run like chickenshits, but shields it by saying they can use this opportunity to free the captured Pokemon. They rush off while Jesse continues battling Cassidy and Meowth tries to rouse James' interest (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!) by insisting that 'dey battle dese bums'
"I am mighty, just like Moltres," the devestated James mumbles more to himself than anything else,"I will prevail and triumph."
"Have it your way, boid boy," shrugs Meowth.
"Primeape, Thrash Attack!" yells Butch and Primeape initiates the little known but highly dangerous attack of thrashing your arms about wildly and rushing at your opponent, known only to nerds and geeks around the world.
"WOBUFFET!" cries Jesse in panic, "COUNTER IT...."
But it's too late and Wobuffet it sent smashing into her, knocking them both to the ground. Primeape then turns his attention to James and Meowth, James too distraught to notice while Meowth verbalises eloquently by saying, "WAAAH-AH-WAAAH-AHH-OOH-AHH-WAAAH-WAAAH-AAAH!"
Primeape lets it's fists do the talking and pounds James, Meowth and Victreebell flying through the air, crashing into Jesse and Wobuffet and leaving them open to a SkullBash Attack from Raticate.
With a bang Team Rocket crash through the hole in the wall and into the crane, which promptly explodes and sends them flying.
"I told you Moltres would triumph," sniffs James cattily, turning his nose up, "Now I'm flying high!"
"Why do I feel low," moans Meowth.
"LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAIN!"
"WOHH-BUFFET!"
With Team Rocket dispensed, Butch and Cassidy turn their attention to the twerps and find them almost ready to free the stolen Pokemon, having found the keys just lying about.
Having defeated their Team Rocket compatriots so easily, Butch and Cassidy are sure they can beat the twerps as well, but unfortunately for them Misty is in full Gyrados mode now and ready to strike, releasing Poliwhirl and ordering it to use it's Double Slap Attack on Raticate.
Butch calls for Primeape to attack and it leaps high, but Totodile slams into it with a Tackle Attack, knocking it down and dancing happily in celebration. Raticate and Primeape are crashed out in front of Butch and Cassidy, leaving them open to a Water Guns Attack from Poliwhirl which drenches them, which of course means it's time for the big finish, as Pikachu lets loose with a Thunderbolt.
Butch and Cassidy scream in pain as the electricity courses through their bodies, finally shuddering and collapsing when Pikachu finally lets up, and they're zero for three against the twerps!
"It's your bad luck day any day you mess with me!" Misty proclaims angrily, and Ash - being Ash - says exactly the wrong thing. "That sounds like Gyrados' Dragon Rage!"
"What did you say!" roars Gyrados/Misty, turning her baleful gaze on Ash.
"Okay okay, let's take it easy!" stammers Brock, sweat drop forming as Pikachu watches it all from the safety of Ash's shoulder and lets loose with an incredibly cute, "Piii-ka-PIKA!"
Well, with the homoerotic displays and explosions and fighting and actual work out of the way, who should show up but Officer Jenny!
Yes, with all the work done she arrives with her Police Force and has Butch and Cassidy taken away. You've got to hand it to Jesse and James, sure they get their asses handed to them on a stick nearly every episode, but they've only gone to jail a couple of times.
As the criminals are escorted away, Officer Jenny explains that the Pokemon have been returned to their rightful, easily fooled, completely immoral trainers, which is a good thing, isn't it!
An eager young cadet charges up, telling her he's found a copy of the Pokemon Fortune Telling Book. Jenny takes it from him and takes a look, laughing and noting that Butch and Cassidy really didn't do a very good job of copying the real Fortune Book.
A blushing Misty begs to see the real book and Jenny is only too happy to oblige, having already discovered she's a Slowpoke Type. Instantly Misty - who obviously doesn't see a future for herself with Totodile in it - shoves the Vile Little Egg-Type Leech Thingy into Ash's hands and rushes off to look up her Pokemon Type.
"I guess this fortune telling stuffs a real girl thing, huh Brock?" laughs Ash, too stupid to realise he's been left holding the equivalent of a ticking time-bomb.
"Immm..... immmm..." groans Brock, then breaks, chasing after Misty, "Misty does it say anything about Onyx types!?!"
Ash and Pikachu sigh while Totodile roars with laughter, and we leave the twerps exactly where they began, in a town that doesn't have a Pokemon Gym and no closer to the Johto League than when the episode started.
"I'm no fortune teller, but I predict a bright future for our friends," laughs the narrator,"As for Team Rocket... the forecast is cloudy....."
"It's devestating to think you have a Moltres Type Personality and then lose it," sighs James with a sad smile, slowly limping his way up the street besides Jesse and James. They're hurt, they're in pain, but hey, at least they're not in jail!
"You was better off witout a personality," sighs Meowth.
Jesse looks up, perhaps to answer, but before she can she spots a book that is extraordinarily similar to the Pokemon Fortune Telling Book, only purple. It's the REAL book!
She grabs it from it's rack to take a look but before she can, James tears it from her and shoots her a dirty look before turning to take a skim through it.
"Let's see, I bet this one says I'm a Moltres Type. Here's my... birthday... OH NO! IT CAN'T BEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
Well, who knows for sure what it was, maybe Weezing, maybe Koffing, maybe even Magikarp. None of that really matters, though, what matters is James stole the show again, Jesse accepted a few indisputable facts about her partner and Butch and Cassidy went to jail.
So what can we say? What is there to say?
Well quite obviously......
Goochie.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Pokemon Fortune Telling? Ahahahaha! I've heard all about these books. I've been meaning to shoplift one"
"That's me, a cudly adorable Eevee!"
 "There's nothing Moltressy about you, Jimmy Boy"
"Hey Jess, look up what kind of Pokemon poisonality type matches me!""You little fur brain, you ARE a Pokemon!""Oh yeah! I forgot about dat!"
 "Hear me! From this day foward you will be my subjects and I will be your mighty Moltres-like Monarch whom you will obey and revere!""What?""Revere YOU?"
 "My friend found out she's a Gyrados type. Can you imagine? And she really is just like a mean, nasty scary...."
"Cassidy!!!""And Botch too" "The name is Butch! Can't you get anything right?!"
"Moltres has broken your bonds! Up! We must Fly!"
"Come on Botch! You want a piece of me?"
"Dat outfit! Where'd he get it?""I think that costume came right out of his closet!"
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