152: Forest Grumps
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Ignoring the obvious recycling of the riverbank setting of 'The Totodile Duel' the twerps call out their Pokemon to enjoy the sunlight.
First out is, of course, the insanely happy Totodile, which dances with sheer mad pleasure at the very concept of grass existing, while beside it appears the love-struck Chikorita and the brightly coloured Noctowl. Next out is the grumpily content Bulbasaur and the babyish Cyndaquil.
In the river itself we find Misty's Pokemon, the haahing Staryu, the basically forgotten about Goldeen, the tough Poliwhirl and finally, last and probably least our favourite, Psyduck!
Onix, Geodude and Pineco are there as well, as is Zubat and, unfortunately, Vulpix.
But if Totodile is offended by Vulpix's existence (as all beings must be) it gives no sign as it's arms and feet flail wildly from side to side, eyes shut tight in joy which threatens to spill over into unexpected violence at any time.
Unexpected violence, the best kind of violence there is!
Chikorita is taken aback by it's first real face to face meeting with it's insane new team-mate, without the glories of battle to put a shine on it's mad dance, Totodile is quite unsettling and Chikorita quickly shies away, taking the opportunity to get a little closer to the lust of it's life, Ash.
Ignoring this little latin love scene for the moment, Brock comments how nice it is to get a little rest and relaxation once in a while (or every freaking episode! There is a Johto League going on you know!) and they all agree.
Brock is bracing himself in the pleasant riverside air, while Misty is subserviently down on one knee, awaiting the orders of her cruel master Togepi as it scoffs it's face full of Pikachu's food, the nervous French Rodent making inane conversation to hide it's terror.
As if to prove how much fun everyone is having, a held cell of Geodude floats by, chased by an insane looking Psyduck, but before we can see more of these peculiar events the camera cuts away quickly... fostering who knows how many bizarre internet theories... a new shipping perhaps?
Geoduckshipping anyone?
Ash mentions that everybody seems to be having a good time, including the Pokemon, and instantly we cut to the disturbing image of a close-up of Togepi, it's face gorged with food, throwing back it's demonic head and roaring with laughter, as in the background Psyduck skids to a stop and fixes an uncertain glare on it's nemesis.
For truth be told, gentle Dodgers, thanks to it's headache, Psyduck is one of the few creatures in the world that can survive close proximity to Togepi without falling under it's evil clutches.
But the inevitable confrontation does not come this day, as the Pokemon relax and enjoy the day. Goldeen swims past the swollen belly of Poliwhirl while Bulbasaur, Vulpix and Cyndaquil drink water from the same river that Misty's Pokemon have been peeing in.
Togepi and Pikachu sleep side by side, Noctowl dozing on it's feet beside them as a contented "Mom'n'Pop" Ash and Misty watch on from by the tree where Brock is sleeping.
Suddenly a burst of light shoots up from the trees across the river, bursting open to reveal a net that covers all of the various Pokemon in one fell swoop.
Not just any swoop, a fell one!
"Don't worry everybody!" cries Ash, which makes about as much sense as voting Republican.
A rope pulls up through the water, closing the net around the Pokemon and beginning to haul them up, the source of the rope revealed as The Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon emerges from the trees on the other side of the river, powered by vertical fans on wings attached to either side of the basket.
Yes it's our Beloved Team Rocket!
"Prepare for trouble it's our greatest plan yet!"
"Make it double, all it took was a net!"
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the stars above."
"Jesse."
"James."
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light."
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight, FIIII-ght!"
"Meowth, dat's right!"
Motto complete, during which our heroes bizarrely wear overalls and pose before a backdrop of a yacht, before Meowth jumps down and madly waves a flag....
!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
....anyways, an ecstatic Jesse taunts Ash, telling him that he took an awful chance letting all of his Pokemon out at once.
"But it was a wonderful chance for us!" James cheerfully informs, as the overloaded net is lifted high, all of the Pokemon - including Togepi - trapped inside.... Onix on top and looking frightfully large, surely crushing all the others to death.
"And now dat we got all ya Pokemon we get da chance ta say goodbye!" mocks Meowth as all three share a laugh. Misty and Ash are shocked and offended, Ash angrily telling Team Rocket they'll never get away with this.
"YES WE WILL!" laugh the trio, sticking out their tongues before they pull their eye-lids down in a terrifying display of disrespect.
Well The Gods are angered by this, obviously, and out of nowhere a blast of white light smashes through The Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon and sends Team Rocket crashing to the ground hard.
The net is broken and The Pokemon are free, but everyone is confused, who the hell shot them down?
The question is answered seconds later when a number of large figures emerge from the woods. Huge and furry with elongated arms and massive circles on their large bellies, faces dull with the uneducated fury of a redneck, the massive bears stomp their way out into the clearing and glare belligerently at twerps and Team Rocket alike.
"THOSE ARE URSARING!" cries Brock, playing the part of Pokedex as the bear-types open their drooling mouths wide, the interiors beginning to glow white.
With a burst of power, Hyper-Beams blast free from the creatures mouths and smash into the earth between the twerps and their dazed Pokemon. Instantly the twerps react, calling their Pokemon back into their Pokeballs before hauling ass out of there, chased by enraged Ursaring which blast the ground around them with Hyper-Beam after Hyper-Beam.
Team Rocket join in the fleeing too, Meowth bringing up the rear as he pumps his stubby little legs, arms flopping ridiculously behind him as he struggles to keep up.
And the curiously enraged Ursaring give chase, blasting the trees around kids with Hyper-Beams, giving no time for thought or theory as they flee for their lives.
Finally they catch a break and lose The Ursaring, Brock and Ash doubles over, gasping for breath as their bodies try to deal with the eccentricities of physical exertion.
Luckily for Ash, he's so unbelievably stupid that he forgets how tired he is, leaping up and proclaiming how lucky they are to have gotten all their Pokemon back.
He turns to face his gasping, sweating, chubby little rodent companion, asking it if it's all right.
Not wanting to look like it's less fit than the scrawny armed Ash, Pikachu puts on a brave face before Ash turns to ask Misty how she's doing over there off-camera.
Well apparently the run did wonders for Misty, since she's now taller, her hair is longer and redder and her chest is.... well it's a damn sight chestier!
WAIT A DAMN MINUTE! THAT'S A JESSE!
As the world is turned upside down by this completely unforeseen turn of events, we cut to another part of the forest where we find James and Meowth trying to recover from their own run.
Meowth was sure they were gonnas, but as a suddenly recovered James notes, all three of them made it.
Or did they.
"ARRRHHHH!" he arrrhhhh's as he spots Misty standing hunched over Togepi,"You're not Jesse!"
"And you're not Ash & Brock!" cries Misty as Togepi roars with drunken laughter, pleased at the disconcerted gazes of the trio as they they try to come to terms with this bizarre turn of events, which goes against every facet of the formulaic episodes they've come to embrace.
Back in Ash and Brock's part of the forest, they face off against an imperious Jesse, who tells them,"I may be outnumbered but I'm not going to be out-battled... GOOOOOO ARBOK!"
"CHAR-BOK!" cried Arbok, mispronouncing it's own name as always.
Ash retaliates with Pikachu, the now recovered rodent leaping high in the air and.....
"RAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" roar The Ursaring, popping up out of the bushes.
".............Char?" queries Arbok, who has no idea they are in a forest full of belligerent bears.
".....Pi?" notes Pikachu as it too faces the enraged Ursaring.
And then they're all running, Ash clutching Pikachu, Jesse leading from the front and Arbok bringing up the rear.
Meanwhile Misty is facing off against James and Meowth, informing them that they won't beat her.
But as Meowth notes, there are two of them and one of her and she can't possibly....
"RAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" roar The Ursaring, popping up out of the bushes.
James, Meowth and Misty stare at the bafflingly enraged bears, then come to the same conclusion and run their asses in the other direction.
Ash and Brock stand with Jesse, having ended their own run now, and Ash tells Jesse they'll have to work together if they want to get out of the forest in one piece.
Jesse agrees, even though it would make more sense to throw Ash's scrawny ass to the bears and leg it while they were busy eating him, and suggests a temporary end to the hostilities.
"WOBBBB-UH-FETT!" nods Wobuffet sagely, saluting bravely at Jesse's side as everyone looks on in surprise.
"I said truce, not surrender," Jesse growls at her patiently pleased Pokemon, calling it back into it's Pokeball, "Now go back to the barracks."
Jesse bends over slightly in front of Ash to do this, and given her short skirt and bent over nature - coupled with the adrenaline of a 'fight or flight' reaction, Ash..... checks his Pokedex for information on Ursaring.
The boy needs to get his mind into da gutta.
"Ursaring, the hibernate, Pokemon. The Ursaring, has such a, keen sense of, smell, that it can even, find food, that has been, buried."
"Ehhhhhgggg," ehhhhhgggg's Ash, "I hope the foods the only thing that gets buried."
Over in another part of the forest, Misty and James are doubled over, panting for breath as Meowth sits on his butt and gulps for air hungrily.
"The Ursaring.... they're..... after us," pants James, not knowing quite how true that statement actually is.
"If we're going to get out of this, we're going to have to work together," suggests Misty.
"Okay, but don't tell Jesse," mumbles James, not wanting Jesse to think he's in any way willing to 'help a lady out' if you know what we mean.
Apparently Togepi does, because it roars with drunken laughter.
"MISTY!" cries Ash, looking through the forest.
"MISTY!" cries Brock.
"PIKACHU-PI!" cries Pikachu.
Only Jesse says nothing, walking along behind them with her arms behind her head and her chest thrust forward (God Bless her), obviously too smart to actually shout out and draw attention to herself in a forest full of angry bears.
Ash tells Pikachu that they'll find Misty and Brock calls for her again before Pikachu also shouts, only no words come out of it's mouth, as it stands there mouthing empty words.
Explain that, translators, Pikachu's voice in the American version is exactly the same as in the Japanese!
"They really seem to be worried about that little red-headed twerp," Jesse mutters as she watches Ash and Brock move on, "I wonder if James and Meowth are as worried about me?"
"There's only one person Meowth and I would never need to worry about," says James - as the laws of irony demand that he must, "And that's Jesse."
"Not even a little bit?" asks a surprised Misty, bringing up the rear behind Meowth.
"Jesse can get blasted by Blastoise, trampled by Tauros and zonked by Zubat and still come tru just fine," Meowth happily tells Misty, obviously proud of his leader.
"True," says James, waving his arms about and causing a very slight shift in the background for some bizarre reason, "If she's met up with those Ursaring, I'd worry about them not her."
They come up to a fork in the road, given three options forward, and each one of them chooses a different direction to take.
There is only one way to settle this, and the three of them throw their arms back and count to three before throwing their hands in. Misty's is open wide to reveal all four fingers and one thumb, while James has presented only his four fingers. Meowth though, has his whole claw up and all three of his paws, and somehow this gives him the victory, as he informs them the odd paw wins.
"At last, someone is gonna hafta lissen ta me!" he giggles with excitement, pleased to finally be the boss again after so long.
"Okay," Leader Meowth informs,"Maybe if we go straight, it'll lead us straight outta trouble... come on, let's go."
James follows this line of reasoning against his own better nature, as he's likely to be adverse to going straight in any respect, but he and Misty follow Meowth onwards into the forest.
That night finds Ash, Brock and Jesse at a conveniently placed tree stump, which they decide will make do as a camp. As Brock notes, they've had no luck finding Misty, but if they set up camp and cook some food, maybe she'll smell it and make her way to them.
Yes, that's a good idea Brock, cook some food in the middle of the night in a forest full of enraged bears that can smell food even when it's been buried.
What a todger.
Brock begins setting up a meal and Jesse watches, enraptured, drooling copiously as she smells the delicious scent of the soup he is preparing, watching every stroke of his knife as he cuts up the vegetables, eagerly wanting to taste it.
Brock tosses in (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!) the last of the vegetables and takes a sip, proclaiming it ready. That's all Jesse was waiting to hear and she pulls the spoon from him, taking a sip and gasping in delight. She clutches her hands together and shoots up straight, moaning in delight as she tells them how good it is, asking if all their meals are just delicious.
Brock can't help but be pleased and modestly accepts her praise, as Ash explains that Brock's food always tastes nice. The squinty eyed Gym Leader then makes the mistake of suggesting that Jesse must eat some pretty good meals too, and with a wobble Jesse spins dramatically into a blue light, head cast back in shame, spoon held behind her back as her white faced, trembling profile emerges into view.
'If these kids only knew!' she thinks to herself,'Compared to us they're living in the lap of luxury!'
A memory wobbles it's way in, of her, James and Meowth crouched down pitifully over pots of instant noodles and hot water. A tearful James tells her it's her best recipe ever as violins play in the background, and she tearfully thanks him for his heartfelt appreciation.
'But I can't let these kids know the truth....' she thinks, before reversing through her screen wobble back to face a confused Brock and Ash, telling them,"Oh you wouldn't believe some of he things we eat!"
Somehow that just sounds a little dodgier than the truth, don't you agree!
In another part of the forest we find James, Meowth and Misty hopelessly lost. An angry Misty has taken the part of leader and is admonishing Meowth for getting them lost, sure that if they'd gone right as she suggested they would have been all right.
Meowth sadly agrees, noting that he should have known better, he's always had trouble going straight.
....
Make of that, what you will.
Famished and hoping for a bite, James stops and takes out his last lousy biscuit, generously cracking it in half and giving one side to Meowth. They both swallow it down before Meowth bursts into tears, crying that he wishes that bite was more than a bite.
James agrees, just as famished as Meowth, noting that the meal they just ate wouldn't be enough to fill a cavity. Then a rustling noise attracts their attention. Turning, they're shocked to see Togepi chowing down on a bowl full of Pokechow while Misty unwraps a delicious looking roll.
Meowth glares in wide-eyed shock, unable to believe that Misty could possibly have that whole thing to herself without having to share it.
A confused Misty tells them that Brock usually makes sandwiches like this for her and Ash every day, which sends Meowth and James off on a wobble-fest of dramatic sorrow just like Jesse earlier. White faced trembling profiles face each other across the screen as they give voice to their thoughts.
'We lay our lives on da line day in and day out for da Boss and we have to scrounge around just ta find someting edible ta fight ovah,' moans Meowth.
'Aha,' agrees James, simultaneously naming his favourite 80's band.
'While dese kids skip around picking up Pokemon, eating heroic submaritine sandwiches.....'
"Ahhh," moans James, and they both turn in time to see Misty enjoying some of the phallic symbolism she usually torments Ash and Brock with.
Slowly pressing the roll towards her mouth and giggling that it looks 'really tasty' she belatedly realises that her audience isn't an emotionally crippled bastard crack baby or a perpetually virginal, squinty eyed Gym Leader, but a Scratch-Cat with delusions of grandeur and a blue-haired, foppish Rr-teeest with romantic inclinations of a Greek nature.
They lean over further than the laws of physics would usually allow, drooling right in front of her face, which is disconcerting enough that the fiery red-head deigns to offer them both a chunk of the sandwich for themselves.
A Happy Buddha Faced Meowth eagerly accepts his share and swallows it down, proclaiming,"Dis is da best tasting ting dat evah happened ta me!"
"You're a peach!" giggles James, tearing chunks out of his own section of the roll happily, eating it and making the following noise, and Gentle Dodgers, we kid you not, this is what he says.
"A hmmmm hmmmm ha hmmmmm mmmmm himmmm!!!!!"
Later that night Meowth has resumed his role as leader of the odd little group. He informs them cheerfully that if they sleep out in the open tonight, The Ursaring are sure to attack, so they need to find some kind of cover.... and that terrifyingly threatening looking dark cave of impenetrable blackness looks like the perfect place to spend the night!
James is past caring and yields to Meowth's wisdom, telling him he's the leader, an idea Meowth likes the sound of. All three head into the cave against Misty's better judgement and, .2 of a second later they're charging out followed by a collection of sleepy, angry, enraged Ursaring.
James states the obvious, that the cave was full of Ursaring, but Misty proves her smarts by suggesting he quit running his mouth and just start running.
In another cave in another part of the forest, Brock is setting up a fire while Ash prepares his sleeping bag, calming a nervous Pikachu by telling it that they'll get a good nights sleep and keep looking for her tomorrow.
Apparently Pikachu's fears are rather easily assuaged, and it crawls into the sleeping bag and curls up next to Ash, who has fallen asleep with the ease of the innocent, drunk and very stupid.
Jesse watches from her place against the wall of the cave, noting to herself that even hear in a cave the twerps are snug and warm and safe, while Team Rocket usually has to settle for sleeping in bus stations park benches and playgrounds. A rather heart-wrenching image of Jesse, Meowth and James curled up in a line on a child's slide comes into focus for a moment as she ponders her own existence.
"Here," says a voice, startling her out of her reverie. She looks up and finds herself facing Brock who is presenting her with - rather than his usual phallicly suggestive object - a blanket. She takes it from him and curls up to go to sleep, wondering just what she's doing with her life, whatever happened to the bright young girl she was.
Another flashback ensues, taking us back to an innocent young Jesse no more than four or five years of age, held in the arms of a woman who is probably her school-teacher.
"Soooo little Jesse," asks the teacher, "What do you want to be when you're all grown up?"
"Well, lots of things," answers Lil' Jesse thoughtfully, "I wanna be a Doctor.... and a famous actress..... and a tree!"
"It sounds like you're going to have a very interesting career," smiles her teacher, as the flashback fades, returning to the cold reality of an older, much hotter Jesse, wrapped in her blanket thinking about how many dreams she had as a child.
But, as she happily notes, as least she's finally warm.
Meanwhile a leadership debate is going on in another part of the forest, James, Meowth and Misty throwing their fingers into the circle again to decide who is leader.
This time James and Misty both choose two fingers and Meowth chooses 3 paws again.... and just as last time the odd number wins, Meowth is once again leader!
A hostile Misty tells Meowth he better do a better job this time, but the blame for their next move goes purely to James, who proudly suggests they climb a rope down a ravine, which will prevent The Ursaring from getting down after them.
James and Meowth head them and an unsure Misty finds delight in the joys of conformity, telling them she's unsure but if they're willing to do down she will to.
They head down the rope, setting their feet onto the ground where James and Meowth note that they're not quite on the ground. Apparently they've lowered themselves to a ledge jutting out of the ravine, and looking down into the darkness they realise they have no idea how far down it is to the ground.
A furious Misty blames Meowth despite the fact it was James' idea, telling them it's too dark to climb down and they can't get back up. Meowth is sure they can climb back up the rope however, and tugs on it to prove his point, causing it to drop down and wrap around him, leaving them stranded.
Making the best of a terrible situation, Misty draws a line down the ledge, giving 90% to herself and 10% to James and Meowth, telling them to stay on their side of the ledge and she'll stay on hers.
The two Team Rocket members demand to know why she gets so much space and she retorts angrily that they don't need so much, since they have such little brains.
James and Meowth can't deny that, and they settle down as Misty pulls her sleeping bag up over her and Togepi and goes to sleep. Miserable, James and Meowth note that they've traded in one bossy red-head for another.
But a very pleased Meowth notes to James that she won't be so bossy tomorrow morning when she wakes up to find her Pokemon are gone!
"You mean we're going to steal them!" gushes a wobbly eyed James happily.
Indeed they are, and Meowth is sure that once they do they'll finally get some respect from Jesse.
But as James points out, how can they make a getaway? After all they ARE on a ledge an indeterminate amount of space above the ground, how can they possibly escape.
Realising their situation is hopeless, Meowth and James settle down for the night.
Jesse is not quite in the same helpless situation however, as in her cave in another part of the forest she slips out of her blanket and rushes to Ash's side, staring down at the sleeping boy and his unsuspecting Pikachu.
"Piii-ka," snores Pikachu softly, "Piii-ka."
"Truce or no truce, I can't let this opportunity pass me by," Jesse whispers, then scoops Pikachu up and tip-toes quickly out of the cave in her best scooby-doo fashion.
She heads out into the forest cradling the snoozing Pikachu - who looks so damn cute it must be illegal - apologising with no sense of shame, saying that she can't let anything stand in the way of her dreams.
Bump.
"Didn't you hear what I just... eep!?!" she snaps to the object she bumped into, looking up and realising she's face to belly with a giant Ursaring.
"RAH-RAH-RAHRAH!" rah-rah-rahrahs the Ursaring.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh's and sets off in terror back the way she came, zooming back into the comparative safety of the cave.
The next morning with the two surviving twerps none the wiser of Jesse's treachery, the hunt is on for Misty once again, Ash calling for his missing lady throughout the forest, doing a pathetic Sylvester Stallone impersonation.
"Misty! Yo Misty!" he cries, Brock and Pikachu joining in as a yawning Jesse brings up the rear, despairing that not only did she not get Pikachu, she didn't get a good nights sleep either.
Not feeling much happier is Misty, who has awoken to discover the ledge they spent the night on was only a few feet from the ground all along.
Meowth opens his big Meowth once too often, claiming that if they'd known that they could have taken her Pokemon after all. The fiery red-head twists an evil glare Meowth's way at this admission, and the terrified Scratch-Cat quickly tries to cover up, explaining that he and James were going to take her Pokemon...... for a moonlight walk!
They get down from the ledge and once more throw their fists in to see who will be the leader. This time Misty and James make fists while Meowth sticks with his three paw combo, claiming victory once again.
"Let someone else have a try," sighs James miserably.
"Just when I was starting ta feel lucky again," sobs Meowth as he relinquishes his hard-won leadership role to a red-head yet again.
Back in another part of the forest it, you guessed it, Ash, Brock and Jesse, facing off with one of the strangely enraged Ursaring. It seems Ash is tired of running and in true idiot fashion plans to take on the Ursaring.
His reasoning is that, while they can't beat them all at once, maybe they can beat them all one at a time. He calls out Cyndaquil and Brock chooses Onix, both Pokemon emerging to do battle.
With a Ga-Rooooar Onix tackles The Ursaring, knocking it stumbling backwards. But the irrationally angry bear refuses to surrender and steps up to the challenge yet again, causing Cyndaquil to fire it's Flamethrower and coat the monstrously furious bear with flames, forcing it backwards as it struggles to push forward against the inevitable.
"With so many well trained Pokemon, it's no wonder these kids are so confident when they go up against us," notes Jesse, then sighs sadly,"How pathetic are we."
But where Team Rocket would surrender, The Ursaring fights on, lent strength by the source of it's fury, which you'll discover soon enough Gentle Dodgers. It beats it's chest with ape-like intensity, calling forth more of it's brethren, who emerge from the bushes with the glaring intensity of newly awakened rednecks.
They roar angrily and even the ridiculously stupid Ash knows it's time to cut and run, calling back Cyndaquil as Brock does the same with Onix before they turn and run as the Ursaring give chase.
Misty walks along in the lead, followed by Meowth and James, mumbling that she's worried that she hasn't found Ash, Brock or Pikachu yet.
Before she can complain some more, however, an Ursaring roars and leaps into their path. Misty shoots up straight in fear as Meowth crouches into a battle stance and declares that this time there is only one of them, so what are they going to do?
"RUN!" screams Misty, and she and James haul ass out of there, leaving Meowth all alone for a moment before he too takes off, the Ursaring close behind.
"Quit screaming and keep running!" Ash cries as he, Brock, Pikachu and Jesse flee their angry bears.
"UHH! UH! HUH! UHHH!" pants Meowth as he, Misty and James flee their angry bear, which has been joined by many others.
"It's Misty!" cries Ash with a smile, spotting Misty running towards him.
"It's Ash!" cries Misty with a smile, spotting Ash running towards her.
Team Rocket and twerps are reunited at last, standing in a group as they find themselves surrounded by furious Ursaring, wondering what they should do now?
Well how about they run over that really rickety looking bridge over that yawning chasm?
Given little choice, they run onto the bridge, which immediately begins to rock and twist and shake. All of them grab the ropes and planks of wood in fear, James actually falling through a rotten board and only just catching himself before he falls to his doom.
Enraged that their prey is escaping them, the Ursaring tear through the ropes of the bridge and sends it flying through the air, the kids and Team Rocket hanging on for dear life as they tempt fate and copyright infringement by blatantly ripping off The Temple Of Doom.
But rather than chant 'Kali-Mar!' before tearing out their opponents heart, the heroes and anti-heroes find themselves clinging to a human chain. Meowth clings to Jesse who clings to Misty - Togepi in her arms and appearing to be enjoying itself immensely - who clings to James who has buried his face in Brock's buttocks (look for yourselves!) who is clinging onto Ash (who has Pikachu clinging to his shoulder) and yes, it's the scrawny arms of Ash that keeps them all alive, for the moment at least.
"You're too heavy, I can't hold on!" moans James, his face having dropped from Brock's bum now but one hand clutching tenaciously to a buttock while the other is around Brock's crotch, slightly shifting and moving..... well it sounds dodgier than it probably is.... but still!
"Don't you even think of letting go!" yells Misty angrily, Jesse and Meowth throwing dark looks at their friend above. Even Togepi looks somewhat frightened now as it realises it's own fate hangs in the balance.
"Don't even think!" scowls Jesse.
"Dat should be easy!" spits Meowth.
"I can't... hold on..... much longer," grunts Ash.
"Ash, why don't we use out Pokemon?" Brock suggests through gritted teeth, trying to ignore the strange feelings James is creating.
"Okay!" says Ash, and suddenly he's strong enough to hold everyone with one arm as he reaches down and pulls out two Pokeballs, throwing Chikorita and Bulbasaur up to the edge of the chasm. Brock sends up Onix to help out and James calls on Victreebell, which promptly attempts to eat him until a muffled James manages to convince it to get up their and save their asses.
Jesse sends up Arbok to help out and a plan quickly develops, despite Psyduck making an appearance and finding itself almost spiralling off to it's death from Misty's shoulder.
Chikorita, Bulbasaur and Victreebell use their Vine Whips to get firm hold on the ropes, soon joined by Onix and Arbok which use their tails to haul up on the ropes. The other Pokemon join in pulling and soon the rope-bridge is being hauled slowly up over the chasm, pulling the twerps and Team Rocket up to safety.
But real world physics make an unwelcome return to the world, tearing the rope with friction and sending the kids falling to their doom, even if hungry crocodiles don't wait below.
But The Pokemon know the kids can't die or they're out of a job and free food, so a few flicks of Vine Whips and tails later sees everybody caught and hauled up to safety, despite Meowth's loud mouthed screams.
Realising they're alive, twerp and Team Rocket alike celebrate happily, dancing with Totodile-like joy. Ash holds Pikachu up and jumps happily up and down, Brock doing the same with Meowth while James and Misty clutch arms together with glee and even Psyduck and Togepi put aside their differences to dance with relief.
Poor Jesse dances alone... sniff!
The Pokemon also celebrate happily, Arbok and Onix shaking tails happily while Chikorita, Bulbasaur and Victreebell are engaged in a 3-way vine shake.
"I taut we were tru but da Pokemon came tru!" giggles Meowth.
"Imm-hmmm," agrees Brock, "Now our worries are over!" "YA-HOO! YAY YAY!" laughs an ecstatic Jesse, then suddenly pulls up short,"Hey wait a minute, The Ursaring are gone and Team Rocket are back together..... so that must mean..... we can battle you for Pikachu!"
"Huh?" ask Misty and James.
"Huh?" ask Meowth and Brock.
"Charbo?" asks Arbok.
Instantly they divide into sides, firstly - Ash, Brock, Misty, Pikachu, Togepi, Bulbasaur, Chikorita and Onix - and then Jesse, James, Meowth, Arbok, Victreebell and..... PSYDUCK!
Misty roars angrily at her perpetually confused Pokemon and it quickly waddles back over to her as a sweating Team Rocket watch on.
Jesse sends Arbok into the attack but a quick tackle from a suddenly huge Onix sends it sprawling in front of her feet. She's utterly aghast, angrily chiding Brock since her Arbok saved his life and the least he could do is give it a little break.
"WOBB-UH!" agrees Wobuffet, popping up with a salute.
"GET BACK INTO YOUR POKEBALL OR I'LL BREAK YOU!"
"Wobb-uh," agrees Wobuffet, sliding back down with a salute. Amused by these antics but wanted a return to formulaic normalcy, Togepi brings but a friction of it's horrendous powers to bear, waggling it's little chubby paw-hand-thingys in an unpredictable Metronome Attack.
James calls for Victreebell to use a Razor-Leaf Attack but it's countered by a Razor-Leaf of Chikorita's own, and Meowth's Fury Swipes is quickly neutralised by Pikachu's Thunder-Shock.
And all the while, Togepi waggles it's little chubby paw-things till they glow blue and it directs the energy straight at Team Rocket, which kicks up the dirt and explodes all around them, sending Team Rocket blasting off again.
Misty stands confused at this turn of events, and looks down at a perplexed looking Psyduck, asking it if it's the one that did this.
It's only answer is to clutch it's head and look confused, which Misty takes as a no, which can only mean....
Before she can come to the correct conclusion that the drunk on power, dancing Togepi before her is the culprit, Ash pops in for a tender moment, telling her that it's really good to have her back.
She smiles and thanks him, telling him that she missed him (!!!!!) while Brock tries to figure out why The Ursaring kept popping up and chasing them no matter where they went, and surprisingly it's Ash who has the answer, as he spots a sign which gives a clue as to what was going on.
Beneath a picture of an enraged Ursaring within a banned sign, blurred out Japanese words explain, "Warning, it is currently The Ursaring Mating Season and they're using this area as their breeding grounds...."
Hyper-Beams blast out of the forest in the distance, and Ash continues to read,"Do not disturb them if it's the last thing you do, because if you do it just may be!"
"ARRRRHHHG!" all three cry, their Pokemon looking just as aghast as they finally realise not only the source of The Ursaring's baffling rage, but also how close they came to an Unholy, Unnatural Violation of all the laws of God, nature, decency and Kansas.
They was in a forest full of horny bears!
But how can the show end there? It can't, not without fate handing out one last cruel blow for Team Rocket.
They crash hard into a forest clearing, James smashing down onto his back, then Jesse crashing down and ending up in a very compromising position before Meowth bounces off her butt and Victreebell & Arbok crash to the ground behind them all, Wobuffet bouncing pleasantly to it's feet to the side of them.
"I'M SICK OF LOSING!" roars Jesse angrily, leaping to her feet.
"You tink we like it?" mumbles a sore Meowth.
"I've suddenly come to the realisation," Jesse informs, "That my life is unhappy because of the two of you!"
"We knew our lives were unhappy because of her a looong time ago!" Meowth whispers behind a paw to James.
"Immm hmmm," nods James, "Right from the beginning."
"Woooooobbbb-uffet," agrees Wobuffet with a salute.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!" roars Jesse.
"Grrrrrrr," grrrrrrr's some grrrrrrry things, distracting them, turning, Team Rocket find themselves facing some very enraged looking Ursaring, some very horny Ursaring, and Jesse is bending over in a very controversial manner.
.......
Make of that what you will.
You can be damn sure The Ursaring will.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Aaah! She ain't Jesse!" "No I'm not, and you two aren't Ash and Brock!"
"If we're going to get out of this I think we're going to have to work together"
 "Alright, but don't tell Jesse"
 "It's hard to believe but they really seem to care about that twerpy little red-headed pest. I wonder if James and Meowth are as worried about me?""There's only one person Meowth and I never need to worry about, and that's Jesse"
"You're a peach"
TEACHER - "Well, little Jesse, what do you want to be when you grow up?" "Well, let's see, I wanna be lots of things. I want to be a doctor, and a famous actress, and a tree!"
"First we have one red-head bossing us around and now we have another doing exactly the same thing!"
"Get over here! You're on our side!!" "Psyduck!"
"I'm sick of losing""You tink we like it?"
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