143: Tricks of the Trade
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Their meditations, however, are interrupted by the sound of a young trainer giving some advice to a rather bizarre looking Pokemon. What kind of Pokemon is it? It's blue, gelatinous, with almost no shape to it, with slabs for arms and a slight upturn in it's blue mass to indicate legs. It's face are squinty Brock-like eyes and a zig-zag pattern which approximates it's mouth. A small black tail sits at it's back, with eye-like patterns that give it a disconcertingly life-life impression.
In silhouette, this bizarre Pokemon looks like a bizarre crossover between a Coffee Machine and a Shoehorn. So what is this Pokemon? Whatever it is, the Dodgemaster's first impression is that it isn't much of a Pokemon at all.
How wrong we were.
"Wobuffet, the patient Pokemon," explains Dexter, "Wobuffet like to live in, dark areas, so they can keep, their pitch-black tails, concealed."
The Wobuffet stares up at them with an almost pained expression on it's face, as if standing so straight is causing it unnecessary strain.
"Hello Wobuffet, you look like a great Pokemon to me," says Ash as the Dodgemaster's watch the proceedings with cold, icy expressions.
"Woooooobbbb," replies Wobuffet with a nod, and Dodgemaster Tim feels a strange tweak at his heart, which at first he puts aside as some kind of crippling angina.
"Uuuuh," grunts Ash as he struggles to remember his own name, "My name's Ash."
Brock and Misty also introduce themselves to Wobuffet and his trainer, who in turn introduces himself as Benny.
Ash asks Benny what he was doing, and Benny explains that he was getting Wobuffet to look as good as it possibly could for when they try to make a trade at the Pokemon Swap Meet. Ash and company are confused, so Benny explains that a Pokemon Swap Meet is where Trainers go to trade the Pokemon they've formed deep personal bonds with for other Pokemon that look cooler.
Well, such a cruel heartless activity is to be frowned upon, obviously, as it goes against all the ideals that have been intrinsic in Pokemon since day one.
Unfortunately for the free-will of Ash, Misty and Brock, the Nintendo Entertainment Corporation wishes to encourage selling in Game Boy video products and it's assorted paraphernalia, one of which includes a hook-up cable by which Trainers can 'trade' their Pokemon from one GameBoy to the other. And thus, we see Ash, Misty and Brock all take a conformist step back, then turn their dead eyes to the camera, saying, "That sounds like a great idea." The possession complete, Misty leans forward to get a good lock at Wobuffet, commenting in that cruel, heartless, dismissive way that women have that Benny shouldn't set his hopes too high on trading this particularly odd looking Pokemon.
Togepi, confused and frightened by this aberration it finds itself gazing upon, roars with amusement at the cruel commentary as Brock harshly whispers to Misty to be careful what she says.
Misty instantly backtracks, pedalling backwards frantically as she hastily tries to cover up, saying that Wobuffet is obviously so well trained that she can't understand why Benny would want to part with it.
Benny, obviously not the world's brightest spark, thanks her kindly for her cruel barbs. He then explains that he really enjoyed raising Wobuffet but now he wants that joy again. By trading Wobuffet he can get a new Pokemon to raise, a creedo that seems one-sided and cruel but which Brock eagerly endorses, hoping for a raise or some o' dem fine ho's that The NEC are so generous with.
Ash, not knowing that his Mother and Professor Oak also enjoy a little swapping now and again, comments that he'd like to see what goes on at a Swap-Meet and Benny offers to take them along with him.
Next we see water pouring from James' hose into Victreebell's mouth.... GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA! James is being a good Trainer, hooking up a garden hose to a water-tap in order to water his Victreebell, reminding it to remember how well he treats it the next time it tries to eat him. He does this with the vacant-eyed lip-pulling gesture of one of those eerily vacuous but beautiful (and thus successful) people that work in the fashion industry (which he has).
Behind him, Jesse is washing her face with water from another tap as a happy Lickitung approaches her from behind, waddling towards her with unquestioning, irrepressible love.
"Mmmmmh," mmmmmh's Jesse happily, her beautiful face finally clean after washing the dust of the road away from it. Her good mood doesn't last though, because Lickitung broadly sweeps it's tongue over her face, sending her into a rage. Grabbing the pudgy little Pokemon by the tongue she begins roughly shaking it as in the distance James rolls around on the ground, trying desperately to pull Victreebell off of his head.
Amidst this chaos skids in a very excited Meowth, hopping from paw to paw as the extremely happy Scratch-Cat tells Jesse and James that he's just found out about the Pokemon Swap-Meet.
Jesse and James are, obviously, quite excited about the prospect of all the Pokemon.... or as James puts it, all the Pokemon for them to steal.
They rush off together, Lickitung bringing up the rear, waddling sweatily after them, leaving the hose and water-taps unattended, until a few moments later when a sniffing Snubbull arrives on the scene, snuffling about until it catches a familiar scent and with a low 'Snubbull' sets off after Meowth.
Meanwhile at the Swap-Meet (which looks rather sparsely populated from above) we find Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, Benny and Wobuffet amongst the rest of the heartless Trainers ready to toss away their Pokemon for the latest shiny new model.
The kids walk around with wide-open, glazed over expressions, enjoying the sights and sounds.
"It's just like a festival!" gasps Ash, who really is an amazingly stupid little boy.
"HERE THEY COME!" a girl screams suddenly, and off in the distance a huge cloud of dust rumbles over the horizon, charging down the long, steep street straight towards the middle of the Swap-Meet.
Looking closer we see it's a herd of stampeding Tauros which are, hopefully, so disgusted with the heartless machinations of the Swap-Meet that they've come to do it in. Running with them are a number
of agitated humans, straining desperately to keep up and - it appears - grab the Tauros by the horns.
A young 'dude' sees them coming but doesn't appear to be too scared by the prospect, actually becoming rather excited. Brock, who figures he might be able to speak dude, asks what is going on and it is explained that this is a Pompona Tradition called The Running Of The Tauros. It seems that every year they let the mad bulls loose to stampede through the town and cause massive property damage, and whoever is brave enough to grab them by the horns gets presented with a trophy by the Mayor Of Pompona.
"Wish me luck!" cries The Dude, charging into the fray as Misty comments that you'd have to be crazy to get involved in this.
"I GOTTA TRY THIS!" screams Ash, raising up with frothing desire evident in his teeth, his sense of boyish adventure lifted high by the thought of all that glory and danger.
Displaying the stupidity that has made him a wonder of modern science, Ash charges into the path of The Tauros and holds his ground as they approach faster and faster, until finally some last, brittle thread of intelligence snaps inside of him and he realises he's about to get trampled to death. Leaping aside, he crashes into the ground as The Tauros charge by, heading on down the hill towards that Stadium filled with tens of thousands of people that nobody noticed until now.
"Hehe," mumbles Ash, trying not to be embarrassed by this humiliating display in front of his best girl, "Maybe I'll try next year."
Inside The Stadium, The Tauros charge in and instantly begin smashing horns together, and the sad truth is learnt. The Tauros weren't trying to bring down The Swap-Meet, they're promoting it! Yes, they're just another in a long line of events designed to show off a Trainer's top Pokemon in order for him to ditch it in favour of the newest model.
They clash heads, forcing each other back and forth to assert dominance over the other. The prize they seek is a false one though, because whoever proves to be the strongest Tauros will inevitably be traded in for some other Pokemon by the end of the day.
And for now the strongest Tauros seems to be owned by a Trainer named Fernando (giggle!) who has defeated an unprecedented five Tauros in a row.
Ash and company have snuck in without paying as usual, but the little boy is getting excited all over again and screams that he just has to get involved in this one too!
Turning, he charges out of the Stadium, much to Misty and Brock's confusion.
Back in Pallet Town, at the swinging pad of Old Man Oak, we find the good Professor drinking tea and eating toast (TOOOOOOOOOAST! Go to Dodgemaster Tim's Fanart section to see why this is so damn funny!), getting his energy back up after a long night of good Delia loving.
Ash appears on screen, flanked by Misty, Brock and Pikachu, Oak's illegitimate child desperately begging his Daddy to send him his Tauros as quickly as possible.
"What's the big hurry?" asks Oak, who is feeling pretty mellow and relaxed after his exertions of the previous night.
Ash explains that they're at a Pokemon Swap-Meet and there is a Tauros competition going on that he just has to get into. "Pokemon Swap Meet, eh?" mutters Oak to himself, thinking back on his own fond memories of swapping, albeit not with Pokemon.
Ash has no time for a trip down memory lane however (especially this particular lane) and screams for his Tauros.
"I'd be perfectly happy to do that Ash," Oak admonishes his son, turning fully, toast in hand, "But you already have six Pokemon, so you'll have to send one back to me before I can send you your Tauros."
"Oh yeah," mutters Ash, feeling as stupid as he is, "Which one should I send?"
Ahhh yes, the opportunity that Oak has been waiting for.
"Well if's it all the same to you," says Oak, doing his best not to sound too excited or predatory, "It would certainly help me and my research if you'd send your Heracross."
Ahhhhh! And there it is, a Sexual Perversion Pokemon for a Sexually Perverted old man! Are there no depths to which Old Man Oak will not sink in his mad quest for sexual sensation!
"Huuuh?" asks Ash, not getting it as always, "Why Heracross?"
"Maybe Professor Oak is going to observe it sucking the sap from all the trees around his place!" jokes Brock, who is closer to the truth than anyone would like to admit.
"That'd definitely make Heracross happy!" laughs Misty.
Indeed it would, and Ash has no objections so he sends Heracross to a place that will seem like paradise to the perverted little Pokemon, in return getting Tauros from Professor Oak.
Saying goodbye to his Daddy, who now has a new playmate, Ash heads back to The Stadium where Fernando has now defeated an amazing ten challengers in a row and is set to retire undefeated.
Luckily for Ash there are no rules, regulations or entrance fees in place, nor any screening process to go through, so just by leaping into the arena he becomes a viable competitor.
Fernando and his wind-swept hairdo have no problems with taking on Ash, and on paper at least he should have no problems. After all, Ash's Tauros is incredibly inexperienced and Fernando's is undefeated, but certain things have to be taken into account.
One, Ash's Tauros has an incredibly hard head (and evidently little brain) as was evidenced when it once went head to head with an Ugly-Ass Dragonite.
Two, Fernando's Tauros has just taken on ten opponents, whereas Ash's is fresh.
Three, Ash's winning will help serve a plot device. So both Tauros lock horns in Dual-Takedown Attacks, striving firmly against each other as Fernando and Ash cry encouragement to their respective Pokemon.
The battle is being displayed not just in The Stadium but on giant t.v screens around the Stadium as well. Benny and Wobuffet are aimlessly wondering themselves and spot Ash on screen, where Benny proves himself a contender to Ash's Title of Stupidest Person on the Planet by saying that Ash looks the same on t.v as he does in real life.
"Wobbbbb!" agrees Wobuffet.
At this point in the episode Dodgemaster Lex appears to have formed a nervous tic as the corner of her mouth keeps turning up, while Dodgemaster's apparent Angina is turning into a full blown stroke, as his heart shifts and his mouth begins to flick upwards as well.
"Get your ice-cold soda!" cries Jesse, walking through the crowd dressed as a Food Vendor, "Snow cones, Sushi on a stick!"
Sushi on a stick? How odd that 4Kids wouldn't pretend they were hotdogs.
James is also similarly attired and selling food, and as he heads past Jesse both ask pleasantly, "How's business."
The camera slows to a crawl and the background fades into a dark sinister overtone as Jesse and James whisper their findings to each other.
"I saw a nice Marrill and a great Quagsire," she whispers to James.
"I spotted a stunning Stantler and a super Sentrit," he replies, using far too much alliteration for a straight man.
"Pretty soon we'll have every Pokemon we want," says Jesse.
"Immmmmm!" hums James happily.
Back inside The Stadium Ash and Fernando's Tauros are both using their Take-Down Attacks still, neither one giving an inch to the other, both striving for dominance, not realising that unlike in nature there won't be any hot Tauros females to mate with afterwards, just the windswept hairdo of Fernando or the brain-dulling stupidity of Ash.
Fernando's Tauros begins to get the upper hand, but luckily Ash has a secret plan. Lulling Fernando's Pokemon into a false sense of security by having his own use Take-Down, Ash then pulls the rug out from under it's feet by having his Tauros use.... Take-Down. For some reason the continuation of the same attack as previously is too much for Fernando's Pokemon to handle and away it goes, flying through the air and smashing into a wall, giving Ash the upset victory.
Having breezed into town and upset their biggest champion, Ash then decides to just have a wonder through the Swap-Meet, where assorted Trainer's and their Pokemon are eying each other up, looking for bargains, deals, diamonds in the rough etc, etc. The gross commercialism and lack of depth is disturbing, almost like watching an episode of Full House.
A particularly nasal looking lesbian is talking up the benefits of her Quagsire, neglecting to mention that it is illegal to remove Quagsire from their natural habitat, since they provide a strong indicator of a water's level of freshness. She's obviously trying to ditch her stolen Pokemon for Officer Jenny catches up on her for the benefit of that rich cabal of elitists who like to hog all The Quagsire.
Another lady is showing off her Sentrit, which she cruelly makes hop up and down in a semblance of joy, even though the only award for such cheerfulness is to be traded to some depthless, substanceless Trainer in exchange for another Pokemon.
Case in point, a small boy and girl thoughtlessly trade their Pokemon, despite the girl's insistence that the Ledyba she's trading for the boy's Marrill is her favourite. Some favourite, she doesn't even say goodbye to it, just puts it into a Trading Machine where the contents of the Pokeballs are swapped, and then after a short request to this complete stranger to look after her Pokemon, she's away.
In the midst of all this comes Benny and his Wobuffet, which is dragging it's black tail along the ground and bobbing happily from side to side with an infectiously joyful grin on it's face.....
...
Please excuse Dodgemaster Tim, he just saw a brief flashing vision of Koffing nodding with solemn pleasure at him and felt that tug at his heart and on his lips again, the same thing that seems to happen every time he sees Wobuffet.
In any case, Benny is asking Wobuffet if he'd mind terribly if he was traded for Ash's Tauros, but rather than show offence or even interest in the idea, Wobuffet continues to bob from side to side, wobbing away happily.
Wobbing..... Woffing..... Kobbing.... Koffing?
Excuse Dodgemaster Tim, his mind is wondering for some reason.
Benny spots Ash and starts to head towards him, but before he can Ash is mobbed by a number of callous Trainers who compliment Ash and his Tauros and beg him to trade it to him for their Pokemon, including such choice numbers as an Onyx, a Nidoqueen and a Rhyhorn.
Ash, despite his brain-dead concurrence with NEC Policy, becomes startled and defensive at the thought of trading in one of his beloved Pokemon and yells that he's not planning on trading his Tauros for any Pokemon.
Ahhh yes, just as with any corporate hypocrisy, the company members would never dream of actually doing what they endorse (We wonder how many Tobacco Executives smoke?).
Benny, seeing Ash's reluctance to trade, correctly guesses that Ash wouldn't want to trade with him and instead asks a passing Trainer if he'd like to trade his Scyther for Wobuffet. "For that Wobuffet?" asks the Trainer, eying Wobuffet up and down, "No thanks."
He turns and leaves, and Benny sadly informs Wobuffet that this might take some time.
"Wob," wob's Wobuffet.
Several minutes later Benny is settling dejectedly into the grass, still out of luck in his efforts to ditch his Wobuffet, which is becoming more and more appealing in our eyes as the episode goes on.
"Wob," Wobuffet mutters to Benny's dejected comments, but a few moments later Ash and Co. arrive and offer to help him to trade his Wobuffet, which gets Benny all up and excited again.
Speaking of excitement and getting it up, Jesse has just appeared on screen, disguised with the aid of a Lab-Coat, loose pants, shirt, tie and a pair of glasses as a scientist.
She and her similarly disguised friend James are showing off what they claim to be the latest and greatest Pokemon exchange machine ever!
"Not only does it provide super-swift swapping," James happily informs the gathering crowd, "But as an extra, added bonus it raises the level of each Pokemon in the process!"
The assembled Trainers, being the shallow, callous types that they are, believe readily enough in this machine which offers months of hard work and training in one quick flash. They all begin lining up to trade their Pokemon in the machine, much to Jesse and James delight, not to mention Meowth, who is hidden inside the clunky, hastily thrown together machine itself.
"Hahaha!" laughs Meowth,"Dis is our scammiest scam evah! Coz dem Trainers tink dat dey're swapping their Pokemon wit each other, but I'm really swapping dere Pokemon for empty Pokeballs!"
Thanks Meowth, you've now rendered the narrator obsolete, not to mention any need our Attention Deficit Disorder Generation had for following plot developments.
And speaking of which, along shuffles a plot development all of it's own, Snubbull snuffling the ground behind the crowd of eager trainers, sure that Meowth is nearby, but where? where? WHERE!?!
Meanwhile Misty is attempting to help Benny find a trade for Wobuffet, moving amongst the crowds, looking for someone remarkably stupid to con.
As she walks, Psyduck decides it's time to make an appearance and pops its head out of her backpack. Mortified beyond belief, Misty hisses for the psychic duck to get back in it's Pokeball before somebody sees it, but too late!
Two small children - one showing the first signs of incurable evil (a bowl haircut) - charge up, fascinated by Psyduck, complimenting Misty on how great it looks. Unused to actually being treated nicely, Psyduck beams with pleasure as a trio of older boys saunter up to Misty and begin looking at Psyduck. They're amused by the beaming, half confused look on it's face and come to the conclusion that it's obviously a very intelligent, introspective type of Pokemon.
"Psyduck has a brain?" asks Misty, showing no concern at all over the fact that one of the older Trainer's is obviously Tracey's skinny twin brother.... Stacey.
Each Trainer offers Misty a fantastic deal, a Marrill, an Oddish, a Stantler, a Mareep and finally a Ledyba.
"UHHHHH!" cries Misty, snapping suddenly as she throws a protective arm over Psyduck's head, "I'm not trading now so just leave me alone!"
With that she's off, charging away towards a nearby tree, panting roughly - holding a confused Psyduck in her hands - embarrassed by the obvious display of love and affection for it that her refusal to trade was. She tries to cover it up by murmuring that maybe Psyduck is worth something after all, but she ain't fooling nobody, she looooove's her Psyduck!
"Heeeey there!" laughs Ash, spotting a little girl with a Sentrit he's sure he can fool into taking Wobuffet. But she's not stupid and she turns it down instantly, falling for the same trap that everyone else does (yes, including us Dodgemasters, who are beginning to feel something..... strange for Wobuffet) and judging the patient Pokemon on first appearances.
Brock tries the flattery approach, complimenting a young man on his fine Stantler and telling him that in such great condition it could obviously only be traded for a Wobuffet.
The Trainer looks confused as Brock informs him that the Wobuffet is in mint condition, while Ash eagerly spouts that it's got very responsive handling!
"Wob!" agrees Wobuffet.
Brock and Ash play Devils Advocate (or used car salesman, although they might be one and the same).
"Just wait till you see the other Trainer's faces when they see you and your brand new Wobuffet!" Brock whispers to him.
"We'll even throw in a 90 Day Warranty on parts and labour!" gushes Ash.
"With an offer like that, how can I refuse!" laughs The Trainer, who obviously isn't very bright, although his Stantler looks more than a little annoyed at being traded like this. Ash and Brock celebrate, throwing their arms high before leading him to the exchange machine, where the exchange will soon take place.
While that happens though, we find James (still in his scientist gear) moving happily through the crowds, tossing a large purse of his money in his hand and laughing. All the money they made from the (legitimate!) enterprise of selling foods has earned them enough to have a fine lunch, and as always he can't wait to get something into his mouth (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!).
"Hey kid, come here!" whispers a voice harshly, capturing his attention.
"Hmmm?" hmmms James, turning to find himself facing an incredibly familiar looking man, "Are you addressing me?"
The only answer is a flailing Magikarp being thrown into his hands, making James squeal in fright.
"Now tell me the truth kid! Have you ever seen a happier, healthier looking Pokemon in all your life?" asks the seedy looking, very familiar salesman.
He leans over his counter as James struggles to hold the flailing Magikarp in his arms, "Just between you and me, this Magikarp is like a Pokemon Money Machine!"
"A money machine?" asks James, showing absolutely no indication of remembering these events playing out before onboard a ship called The St. Anne.
"A Magikarp lays a thousand eggs at a time," explains the seedy salesman,"And every one of those thousand eggs becomes a Magikarp that goes on to lay a thousand more eggs, which makes a million Magikarp!"
James has become very quiet, his mouth falling into a small o as he considers the possibilities of what the very distrustful looking man is telling him.
"Every one of those million Magikarp lays another thousand eggs, that's a billion Magikarp!" he pauses for effect, and James continues to look at him oddly, "Following this kid?"
"Immm? Imm! Immmm!" nods James, entranced as he figures out the maths for himself and forgets how much he hates Magikarp, and the reason why.
"You just sell each Magikarp for a hundred bucks!" whispers the seedy salesman as the camera zooms in on James' eyes, "WITH TEN BILLION DOLLARS!"
Instantly James is transported to a memory of a fantasy held long ago, of sitting on an comfortable reclining chair atop a stack of gold bullion, scratching the head of a laughing Persian at his side as he throws his head back and roars with laughter from being so amazingly wealthy.
"You'll be so rich you won't have a care in the world!" laughs the Salesman, as the camera zooms in to a Extreme Close-Up of James laughing face, looking more like a Koffing than a James.
"I normally charge $500 for each Magikarp," the seedly Salesman happily tells James,"But for you I'll throw in the egg-laying kit, the Training Manuel and the 30 Day Supply of Magikarp Magic Chow for an amazingly low $300!"
"I'll take it! I'll take it" screams James instantly, overwhelmed by the chance to become this rich, until something snaps into place in his mind and he remembers, "Ha? Hey wait a minute! Something about this situation seems strangely familiar to me!"
The camera fades to the memory of a slightly younger James onboard the doomed ship St. Anne, where he was sold another Magikarp by a man who looked remarkably similar to the man now selling him this Magikarp.
"AHHHHHHHH! YOU'RE THE SAME OLD CHARLATAN WHO SWINDLED ME BEFORE!" with camp flair, as the seedy salesman realises that the gig is up and he's been caught out.
"AHHH!" cries the man, sweeping up the Magikarp, his stand and his banner into a big bag which he slings over his shoulder, "See ya!"
"I'll get you!" cries James angrily, chasing off after the fleeing con-man.
"Wobbbb!" Wobuffet says happily to Benny, who sucks him up into his Pokeball in preparation for the exchange.
Benny and the other Trainer place their Pokeballs into the machine and the science geek manning it prepares to do the exchange when another Trainer with a Hoot-Hoot on their shoulder passes by. Spotting the shiny new Pokemon, the shallow Trainer instantly changes his mind, scooping his Pokeball back up and charging off after the Flying Pokemon in the hopes of making another trade.
Benny cries for him to come back but has no luck, as the thunderous footsteps of an approaching stampede over-rides him. No it's not another group of Tauros attacking, it's James in hot pursuit of the thief from The St. Anne.
"Come back here thief!" screams James angrily, "I want my money back!"
"Hmmm? That sounds like James," mutters Jesse to herself as she stands by the fake exchange machine. Turning, she growls angrily at him that it's about time, as she's obviously been hungrily waiting for their lunch.
But James ignores her and both he and the Con-Man bowl her over, sending her flying through the air and crashing into the exchange machine Benny is standing by. Hitting hard, a Pokeball falls out of her pocket into the machine and she inadvertently sets the machine off, transferring the contents of her Pokeball for Benny's without anyone being any the wiser.
Turning, she spots her Pokeball and grabs it angrily, leaping up and heading off after James.
Speaking of which, James is himself still looking for the sleazy salesman, having lost track of him in the crowd. What he finds is Jesse, who demands to know what the hell he's up to. Before he can tell her that he's found the man who took their hard-earned money so long ago, Meowth comes charging up in a panic, informing them that the word is out on the street about their phoney machine. Turning, Team Rocket find themselves facing some very angry Pokemon Trainers, who despite their shallow disregard for their Pokemon still don't take too kindly to being ripped off.
They take this confrontation with typical aplomb however, both figuring that the cat is out of the bag anyway so why not go down in dramatic style.
"Prepare for trouble, it's true we've been stealing!" Jesse admits as she pulls of her glasses.
"Make it double, it beats wheeling and dealing," agrees James, whipping off his own glasses. Somehow doing this also removes the rest of their disguises and the camera pans dramatically up over their bodies, now in full Team Rocket costumes.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket stealing Pokeballs at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"Meowth, that's right!"
Ladies and gentleman, that was history, because for the next few episodes at least that motto will have one major difference.
Ash, Misty and Brock push through the crowd and announce that it's Team Rocket, in case nobody quite got it by that point. They demand to know what scheme Team Rocket has cooked up this time but as Jesse and James tell them, they've already pulled it off.
Floating above them is The Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon, it's basket overloaded with a huge sack of Pokeballs. Ash demands that they return those Pokeballs to the Trainers who obviously felt so little for the Pokemon inside them in the first place, but Team Rocket have no such plans. Instead, Meowth ignores the Trainer's threats of physical violence and fires a gun which lasso's a giant rope around the crowd, hauling them in before James sets off a vacuum in the Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon which begins sucking up the rest of their pokeballs.
It looks like Team Rocket's won this one, but unfortunately for them Ash chooses this moment in time to actually form a thought, and he stumbles across a way to defeat them. Almost all of The Trainers have Tauros, which they brought to The Swap-Meet to participate in the contests and the race. So at Ash's command they call out The Tauros and demand they use their Take-Down Attack, which smashes into Team Rocket and sends them crashing into their balloon, which pops and sends them blasting off again, knocking loose the sack of Pokeballs and dropping it to the ground.
A Scyther cuts the crowd loose from the rope and Ash helps a cowering Benny to his feet. Benny was hunched over to protect his Pokeball, but he was the only lucky one, as it seems Team Rocket had anticipated losing to Ash's intervention.
All the Pokeballs are empty!
Ash is horrified, unable to believe he was outsmarted by Team Rocket (I don't know why, he often gets outsmarted by his pants) and Pikachu is furious, as a French-Man must be when slighted. Furious, enraged, embarrassed and humiliated, they set out with Brock and Misty in tow to find Team Rocket.
And there they are, out in the forest, a little bruised and battered but happy nonetheless. Knowing that they were going to lose in any case, they just went along with it and played into the stereotype of defeat, letting them make a clean getaway.
Unfortunately Ash, Misty and Brock do not like change and they come charging up after Team Rocket, demanding that they return the Pokeballs to their rightful, shallow owners.
Team Rocket are infuriated by this total lack of respect for their criminal efforts, especially Jesse, who twists around to give the camera a good look up her skirt before she sends out Lickitung to deal with Ash's Chikorita.
Chikorita appears from it's Pokeball, but the Pokemon that comes out of Jesse's Pokeball is not a Lickitung at all..... it's Wobuffet!
"Wooooobbbbbb-buh!" says Wobuffet with an infectiously happy look on it's face, as Dodgemaster Tim and Lex clutch at their hearts in shock, feeling their lips pulled upwards involuntarily.
"I didn't know Team Rocket had a Wobuffet," gapes Ash, standing at a weird angle as they all stare agape - Team Rocket included - at the happy Wobuffet.
Jesse realises how it happened, remembering when she hit the Exchange Machine earlier, and with a gasp and a quick shift to black and white she cries out,"Then that must mean now this Wobuffet belongs to meeeee!"
"Wobbuh!" agrees Wobuffet happily.
"All right you blobby little Wobuffet!" she snaps angrily at Wobuffet, "Attack those twerps!"
"Wobuffet, The Patient Pokemon," says James, sliding into the background with a surprised Meowth on his shoulder and a book in his hands,"Yada, yada, yada.... is unable to initiate attacks!"
Jesse falls halfway over and throws her arms high, making her limbs wobble like wet noodles before leaping back up and screaming at the patiently pleased Pokemon, "What's Team Rocket supposed to do with a Patient Pokemon that won't attack anybody!?!"
Misty calls to Ash to do something right away, and he yells to Chikorita to use it's Vine Whip Attack on Wobuffet. The love-struck little Pokemon whips Wobuffet with it's Vines, smacking it around several times before retracting them.
But Wobuffet springs right up straight, standing tall and patient with that same patiently pleased look on it's face, it's spongy body unhurt by Chikorita's attack.
"Dat's one patient Pokemon!" gasps Meowth.
"UGH! It's a good thing I'm patient with the two of you!" yells Jesse, swiping the book off of James and looking through the listing under Wobuffet until she finds one attack that it is capable of.
Ash calls for Chikorita to use it's Vine-Whip again but this time Jesse is ready and calls for Wobuffet to use Counter-Attack. The blobby Pokemon raises it's black tail high and glows with a rainbow nimbus of energy. The Vine-Whip zooms up and then, inexplicably, turns around and zooms back hard, slamming into Chikorita and knocking it back.
Ash and Co. are shocked, and Ash's brilliant come-back is to have Chikorita use a Razor-Leaf Attack, which Wobuffet counters easily and sends them crashing back into Wobuffet, knocking it over.
It as at this moment that the shackles fall from Dodgemaster Lex and Tim's eyes. As Chikorita falls backwards, Wobuffet continues to look patiently pleased as it lifts one slab of an arm up and.... SALUTES!
It was not Angina! it was not a stroke! It was not a nervous tic and it wasn't parasites..... the truth is that :
WE WUV WOBUFFET!
Ash calls Chikorita back as Brock muses that he didn't think it was possible for a Pokemon to have such a powerful Counter-Attack, while Jesse is thrilled to finally have a winner on her team.
Ash has a winner as well, unfortunately, and as he calls back Chikorita he sends out Pikachu. A Thundershock Attack hits the nimbus of energy that is Wobuffet's Counter-Attack and strains around it, smashing into Wobuffet's back and also into Jesse and James, electrocuting them horribly and sending Team Rocket away, this time crying out the familiar catch-cry, although now with a slight add-on.
"LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKETS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!"
"WOBBBBB!"
Ash heads back into town with the sack of Pokeballs, where he finds the Trainers standing around apparently unconcerned. They're pleased enough to get their Pokeballs back but obviously weren't actually going to make any effort to find them themselves.
As they sift through their Pokeballs, Benny arrives on the scene with Lickitung in tow. Ash is as confused as always, as he thought that Benny was going to trade his Wobuffet for a Stantler.
Benny explains that a nice lady with long hair and glasses traded him for her Lickitung, which is filled with as much irrepressible love for Benny that it once had for Jesse. It turns and licks his face, making him laugh and giggle.
Benny wanted to thank the nice lady for her trade but he hasn't been able to find her anywhere, and Ash hasn't seen 'anyone like that' either.
Misty suggests that she probably left town right after the trade and Benny, unconcerned about what possible purpose this complete stranger has in mind for his Wobuffet, turns and screams his thanks and goodbyes into the forest, telling Wobuffet that he'll never forget it.
Ash, Misty and Brock make up some bullshit about always feeling sorry about losing a friend no matter how happy they are, completely undermining their own words earlier on about trading Pokemon.
As they all stare off into the sunset, Snubbull snuffling up behind them as it continues it's vain search for Meowth and his delightful tail.
And so we leave the seaside town of Pompona, which had a disappointing lack of bikini girls and dirty old men but did introduce us to our new favourite Team Rocket Pokemon, the wuvvvely Wobuffet.
Speaking of whom, we find Team Rocket wrapped over a tree-branch high in the air in obvious pain and discomfort. Jesse is wrapped over the branch, James is lying to her left, his face and arm pressed into her back. Meowth lies draped over the branch to Jesse's right and standing on the branch itself (or possibly Jesse's ass) is Wobuffet.
"Well Wobuffet, you're one of us now," groans Jesse.
"A proud member of Team Rocket," grunts James.
"We'll beat dem kids one day, but till den ya gotta be patient," sighs Meowth.
And Wobuffet nods, still saluting bravely as it sagely speaks those great words of wisdom once encompassed in the joy that was Koffing.
"Wooobbbbbbb!!!!"
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