141: Gettin' the Bugs Out
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It's taken him one bugger-load of a long time to get around to this, his second Johto Gym Match, which belies his initial haste to get out of Pallet Town in case he missed out on entering The Johto League.
Misty, feeling playful, thrusts a thermos in Ash's face and pretends to be interviewing him, asking if he has a prediction for today's match.
"I predict victory!" laughs Ash with the foolish self-confidence only the young or very stupid are capable of.
With Ash, it's a Double Header.
Pikachu agrees but Misty, like all good women, tries to scuttle her man's ambitions, waggling the thermos about and talking to Ash about how he doesn't have the power any more in a devastatingly cruel display of phallic symbolism.
What she means, of course, is that Ash's star battler is gone, The Mighty Charizard (who once defeated a Magmar in THE VERY HEART OF THE VOLCANO ITSELF!) now kicking ass and getting it's freak on back at The Charizard Valley. Without the power of his Dragon (who went toe to toe with an Ugly-Ass Dragonite and would have won if not for extenuating circumstances) to cover up any stupid mistakes Ash might make, can he possibly win.
But as we mentioned earlier, Ash is both young AND stupid and he doesn't let such a thing as realism or justified concern ruin his exuberance. Besides, Charizard might be gone but dammit he's got a Cyndaquil, and surely the cute, cuddly, sleepy little Fire-Mouse can hold it's own where the mighty Dragon Charizard (who once defeated a World Champion Poliwrath) once did.
Yeah.... we can see that happening.
They arrive at The Gym, a massive glass domed building which looks more like a garden than a Pokemon Gym.
Ash heads on in despite Misty and Brock's reservations, and it's obvious Misty's phobia about bugs has become even more heightened now that Togepi is dulling her natural kick-ass'edness. She hunches over miserably and whines that she's getting creeped out, feeling like something is going to pounce out at her at any second, some kind of creepy, slimey.....
Caterpie!
The little worm pops right up in her face and with a scream Misty runs in terror, remembering all too well the last Caterpie she faced off against, which ended up almost ejaculating all over her.
Don't believe us? Then just watch the episode Ash Catches A Pokemon to see it in all it's gooey glory.
Running in fear, Misty holds Togepi high up above her head, perhaps in the hopes that something will swoop down and grab the little monstrosity from her.
Skidding to a halt, she finds herself surrounded by Metapod and charges away again, curling up and moaning that this isn't a Pokemon Gym, but a torture chamber.
"Wrong, miss," claims a nasal voice, coming seemingly from above them, "This is definitely a Pokemon Gym, The Azalea Town Gym, and if you don't mind me saying so, miss, your ignorance is showing. Because everyone knows that Bug Pokemon are the best Pokemon in the world!"
The voice belongs to a curiously androgynous looking person sitting up in a tree. Young, with a unisex hairdo, it's unclear whether it's a boy or a girl.
"Grrrr," grrrr's Misty - her fury unsettling Togepi who is used to keeping her in a zombie-like state - before smacking the Caterpie sitting next to her into Ash's startled hands, "Don't you dare call me ignorant! Just who do you think you are!"
"I don't have to tell you who I am," growls Androgynous Person sullenly, "You're the ones who oughta be telling me who YOU are!"
Ash introduces himself, telling the weirdly sexless child that he came to challenge the Azalea Town Gym Leader.
"Oooooh!" oooooh's Mr. Miss, "You're another challenger!"
It stands up on it's tree branch and the camera pans disturbingly up over it's sexless body as it introduces itself, "I'm Bugsy, The Azalea Town Gym Leader."
Bugsy! Bugsy! What the fuck is it!?! A Boy or a girl?
"Bug Pokemon are my specialty," explains Bugsy, "And I know just about everything there is to know about them."
Ash - oblivious to the painful concerns off a population who want to know what Bugsy is (It's Pat!) - immediately challenges Bugsy to a battle, and The Sexless Wonder is more than willing to agree, presenting an imposing image as it stands tall atop it's massive tree, staring down at Ash, Misty and Brock..... until it ruins the image by asking if they can put it's ladder back up, since it's stuck up the tree!
After the obligatory shock pose, Ash and company assist the thing in getting back down to ground, where they start playing the blame game.
Ash insists that Bugsy should be more careful, as if they hadn't come along it'd still be stuck up there, but Bugsy insists it was their yelling and screaming that caused it to knock over the ladder in the first place and thus it's their fault.
As Ash and the androgynous thing from planet Unisex 7 argue back and forth and Brock tries to calm things down, three slightly more mature, more heroic figures watch from an outside window.
"That kid must be here to win another badge," notes James, referring to Ash (you know, if it hadn't been for that one episode where Jesse refers to Ash by name, you could almost believe that Team Rocket have no idea what the twerps names are!).
"And from de looks of dis place, dat Gym Leader's gonna use Bug Pokemon!" agrees Meowth.
Jesse, ever the schemer as all women must be, suggests that they let Ash and Bugsy battle it out and then, whilst they distracted, they can sneak in and capture Pikachu.
It's a good plan, but they know they'll need the element of surprise to last so they decide to go in disguise. Jesse decides to disguise herself as a very sexy Sunflora in a VERY figure-hugging costume while James gets himself set up as a sturdy tree and Meowth becomes a pesky weed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" screams Victreebell, popping up behind James and Meowth and startling them.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" responds James, and his girlish squeals of panic alert the Bug Pokemon inside the Gym, which all turn as one to glare through the window at Team Rocket.
"They spotted us," moans Jesse.
"Don't move," warns James.
"Just act organic," trembles Meowth.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" proclaims Victreebell, startling Team Rocket into moving inorganically.
Excited either by Victreebell's high pitched squeal or Jesse's Sunflora get-up, the Bug Pokemon ejaculate white, sticky streams of fluid all over Team Rocket, wrapping them up.
Oh it's true, it's true!
"Hey? what's this?" asks Ash in one of the grossest displays of outright stupidity it has ever been the world's misfortune to witness.
He is standing in a Pokemon Battle Arena, the same as is seen at every stadium and every Gym around the entire planet, one which Ash sees almost every episode and.... he doesn't know what it is!
"Now I understand," says Brock, which Ash definitely does not, "He uses Bug Pokemon and they like to live in the forest, so that's just where Bugsy built the Gym and the battlefield!"
So Brock has called Bugsy a he, which indicates that the androgynous wonder is actually a boy..... but we're still not sure, after all, all three Dodgemaster's once went 4 months thinking a fellow student of ours was a girl and they turned out to be a boy all along!
"This Official Pokemon Battle between Bugsy, The Gym Leader of The Azalea Town Gym, and Ash Ketchum - The Challenger from Pallet Town - is about to begin!" proclaims the match referee with the annoying voice who always seems to pop up at Ash's battles, "Each Trainer may use three Pokemon, a Gym Badge is at stake, are the Trainer's ready?"
"I'm ready when you are!" proclaims Ash bravely.
"Ash, before we start," warns Bugsy, "I wanna ask you something."
"Yeah what?" asks Ash.
"Have you ever heard the saying, the Trainer who learns the rules of The Bug Pokemon learns to rule The Bug Pokemon?"
"No, who said that?" asks Ash, wanting to know the identity of the man who invented the gayest possible saying ever.
"Me, weren't you listening!" chuckles Bugsy, to Ash's indignant shock.
"That Bugsy's sure got Bug Pokemon on the brain," snaps Brock.
"I wouldn't want Bug Pokemon on any part of me," mumbles Misty nervously, which is an hilariously dodgy line and a shout out to all those hentai freaks out there and some of the nasty situations they've put our poor little Misty into.
Bugsy claims that the Pokemon he plans on using is one of the strongest in his arsenal, and a quick throw later sees Spinarak ready to face off against Ash's choice, Cyndaquil.
Bugsy looks intrigued and Brock and Misty look pleased at this choice, Brock even compliments Ash on such a good decision and goes so far as to predict an easy win for his emotionally crippled little friend.
Cyndaquil yawns, stretching it's mouth widely, unprepared for the rigours of battle and unconcerned by the concept of personal injury.
Ash admonishes the cuddly little Fire-Mouse to get it's flame lit up, but it's too sleepy and pleased with itself to bother firing up, which spells trouble for Team Toyboy.
Spinarak uses it's Stringshot, which Cyndaquil dodges, but Bugsy ain't done and orders Spinarak to keep it up, ejaculating it's sticky fluid all over the place.
Ash orders Cyndaquil to keep dodging the Stringshot in the hopes that doing so will wear Spinarak out, but Bugsy isn't some stupid kid with a Ratatta playing in his backyard, he/she/it's a certified Gym Leader with plenty of experience.
He orders Spinarak to cover the entire battlefield with Stringshot, and despite Cyndaquil's best efforts it can't avoid every strand that drops from the sky, and soon it finds a layer of Stringshot..... draping harmlessly over it's head.
What a useless fucking attack!
"Cyndaquil!" gasps Ash, however, thinking that Cyndaquil is in mortal danger, while a smug Bugsy gleefully revels in having been able to toss a string over a rival's head.
As Cyndaquil roughly tries to pull it's feet free of some of the goop it's standing in, Bugsy orders Spinarak to use it's Poison Sting Attack. Ash cries for Cyndaquil to use it's Flamethrower but it still isn't fired up enough and ends up just blowing so much smoke. The Poison Sting hits, sending Cyndaquil reeling and wide open for another Poison Sting Attack which will finish it off.
"Cyndaquil! Return!" cries Ash, calling back Cyndaquil before the attack can hit. Believe it or not, but this is actually a smart move on Ash's part, as it means he can use Cyndaquil again later in the match, rather than having it be beaten and unable to fight.
Brock and Misty are rightly concerned, however, since Cyndaquil was the only Pokemon Ash had that is strong against Bug Types. But Ash knows that sometimes it takes a pure stubborn-headed refusal to face up to reality to win in life, so he calls out Chikorita.
If he was hoping to daunt Bugsy, however, having Chikorita leap into his arms and nuzzle happily against him is probably not the best way to start things off.
"Ha.... haha, that's very nice," Ash tells the beaming Chikorita, "But.... let's hug later!"
"He's going to use a Grass Type against a Bug Type?" asks Bugsy, who can't believe it's eyes, "What kind of a decision is that for a Pokemon Trainer to make?" "A..... stinky one," reply Brock and Misty in a small circle that appears below Bugsy's profile, fanning their noses.
"Forget type," says Ash, pulling Chikorita so close to his face that it looks like they're going to kiss,"I battle by instinct and I have faith in you."
"Chika!" agrees Chikorita.
"We've heard that before," moan Brock and Misty, appearing with backs facing the camera and sweatdrops running down their sides in another circle beneath Ash.
Bugsy trusts it's instincts also, and it informs Ash that they tell it that Ash is going to lose. He commands Spinarak to use it's Stringshot Attack on Chikorita, which it does of course, since not obeying wouldn't be very likely.
Chikorita dodges the sticky ejaculate and strikes back with it's Vine Whip Attack, but Spinarak fires a stringshot high up into the air, catching a tree and pulling it to safety.
"NO WAY!" gasps Ash.
"You're usual attacks aren't going to work against my Bug Pokemon, Ash!" laughs Bugsy, forgoing the opportunity to say, "Way!"
Spinarak swings from tree to tree as a confused, frightened Chikorita looks on, but Ash still believes he can win it and orders the love-struck Pokemon to be careful, take aim and use it's Vine Whip Attack again.
But it misses constantly, Spinarak swinging to fast to be hit by Chikorita's vines, and Misty begins to worry that this time Ash's instincts have proven to be wrong.
Bugsy orders Spinarak to use it's Poison Sting, but Chikorita blocks it with a Razor-Leaf Attack, which leads Ash to say a line that will go down in Dodgy History.
"That was great, now, STOP that Spinarak with your SWEET smell!"
HAHA!
Chikorita waves the leaf on it's head about, emanating a smell that is sweet, proving that Sweet Smell is an attack rather a slang term for shaking dat thang.
The scent wafts up over Spinarak, putting it into a daze and leaving it open to a Tackle Attack from Chikorita. The Bug Type goes flying backwards and crashes to a halt, much to Bugsy's dismay as his so-called mastery of Bug Pokemon is shown up by an idiot Crack-Baby and his horny Grass Type Pokemon.
"Spinarak is unable to battle," the annoying referee informs us, "Chikorita wins!"
"WE DID IT!" laughs Ash, throwing an arm high, "You did great Chikorita.
As way of celebrating, Chikorita jumps onto Ash's face and wraps it's arms and legs tightly around his face, but before this can proceed to it's logical conclusion the camera quickly cuts away to Brock and Misty.
"Just look how happy Chikorita is!" laughs Brock.
"This is it's first Gym win!" agrees Misty.
Yeah, happy.... yeah that was the word beginning with h and ending with y we were looking for.
As Brock and Misty make observations about Chikorita, which is making use of it's time to hump Ash's face, Team Rocket pop up from behind the window, having cleaned up following the unfortunate incident with those Bug Pokemon and the results of their..... uh..... excitement.
Jesse sees her plan coming to fruition, knowing that Ash is too caught up in his Pokemon Battle to notice them, and now is the time to strike.
James suggests a variation on the old Pitfall plan, which will see Team Rocket dig beneath the Gym (and past a dinosaur skeleton if their crudely drawn vision has anything to with it) and up to where Pikachu (and a very emaciated Pikachu it is in their vision!) is. The Twerps will never see Team Rocket, they'll just see Pikachu falling out of sight beneath the earth, where Team Rocket will be waiting.
"I love it," giggles James, "It's simple and it's nasty and it's cheap!"
"Yeah, just like me!" laughs Meowth, "Let's go!"
Meanwhile, the second battle is ready to begin and Bugsy is adamant that, although Ash beat his first Pokemon, this one is going to be harder, in fact it's going to be a lot harder.
You don't know it yet, gentle Dodgers, but you've just been PUN-ished.
Bugsy tosses out it's Pokemon, which turns out to be --
METAPOD!
Yes the deadly Pokemon has returned, and we all remember what happened the last time we saw a Metapod Battle (Challenge Of The Samurai, which saw the battle that remains to this day the greatest Pokemon Battle of all time) and the deadly consequences it had for all those concerned.
Chikorita starts off with a Vine-Whip Attack, but Metapod simply blocks it with a Harden Attack which sees it's armoured skin grow super strong.
Then, in a chilling move, it opens it's eyes!
Chikorita is obviously disconcerted by this move but Ash insists that this won't stop them, and he orders Chikorita to fight back with it's Razor Leaf Attack.
Metapod simply hardens again, and the Razor Leaf's simply flick off it's tank-like skin.
"I get it!" gasps Brock, who was not around to see the glory of that first epic Metapod/Metapod match, "Bugsy's strategy is to stick with Harden."
"That way Chikorita's Razor Leaf Attack won't work!" gasps Misty, and in her arms Togepi quakes with fear, it's face fallen and it's terror evident. For all it's glorious evil and massive psychic powers, Togepi has never before come in contact with the unbridled magnificence of a Metapod, a Pokemon which - when trained correctly - not even the vile Egg Leech Thingy could defeat.
Ash, stubborn as always, insists that Chikorita just keep hitting Metapod with Razor Leaf since, as it didn't work before, it will obviously work now.
But Metapod isn't just going to stand for this, in an unprecedented move the imposing Pokemon goes mobile and leaps high, high, high above Chikorita's Razor Leaf and then allows it's Super-Hardened Body to crash into Chikorita.
"PIKA!" cries Pikachu, which translates as, "Zoot Alors!" "CHIKORITA!" cry Brock and Misty, which translates as, "Chikorita!"
Chikorita's dazed, beaten body slams back into Ash's hands, just one more victim of the unstoppable fighting machine that is Metapod.
The annoying referee gives the round to Bygsy and it's Metapod, and as a frustrated Ash stands gnashing his teeth Brock gives his props to Bugsy for it's incredible Metapod.
Brock then suggests to Misty that with only two Pokemon left, Ash could choose Cyndaquil but he thinks that he'll choose Pikachu, and we're left to see how Ash will react.
And react he does, calling out Pikachu just as Brock had predicted.
So Metapod faces off with Pikachu, and Bugsy tries to end it quick with another Tackle Attack. Pikachu is no slouch though, and it has the privilege of being their at the original Metapod/Metapod battle, unlike Chikorita.
So it dodges battle with that unique talent that the French have, causing Metapod to slam into the ground so hard that it kicks up a massive cloud of dust, obscuring everything from view.
Pikachu darts it's gaze from one side to the other, but it can't see anything, especially not the imposing shadow forming behind it as Bugsy orders Metapod to tackle.
At the last second Pikachu dodges, and The Metapod bounces off of the ground and hard into a tree, hitting it so hard that it shakes leaves free, which all fall around Metapod as it obscures itself with Camouflage to disappear into the foliage.
As Ash, Pikachu, Brock and Misty gaze about with slack-jawed wonder, Bugsy informs them that it's all about speed and that nothing can beat a Bug Pokemon that has been trained to move.
But Bugsy has made a big mistake, as Metapod's great power has always lied in it's aloofness and intractability. By making it move, it's having to heft it's bulk about and smash it's superhard body hard against rocks, trees, earth and ground. And when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object, something has to give.
Thus, when Metapod tackles next and Pikachu dodges, Metapod begins smashing hard into the ground and doing damage to it's own body, and despite it's speed it can't match the agility of Pikachu, which dodges it's every move before leaping on it's back and blasting the poorly trained Metapod with a massive Thundershock.
The image is quite a delightful one, Pikachu bucking backwards, clutching onto Metapod like a latter-day cowboy posing his horse in the sun, albeit a sun made from the massive electrical energies spouting from Pikachu's own body.
Whatever the imagery, the result is the same and Metapod is defeated, leaving Ash ahead two to one.
Bugsy calls back Metapod as the annoying referee declares Pikachu the winner. It congratulates Metapod on the ass-whupping it just took and tells it that it deserves a rest.
"Pikachu came through, Brock!" smiles Misty.
"Yeah, Ash and Pikachu make a really great team," agrees Brock.
"Togi, togi, preeee," mumbles Togepi without feeling, obviously still a little unsettled by it's first encounter with a Metapod.
Pikachu is full of feeling though, ecstatic at having defeated one of, if not THE, most deadly Pokemon in the world.
Bugsy congratulates Ash on having made it to the third round, something no other challenger has been able to accomplish in a long, long time (Gary been by, we wonder?). But he's sure that this time he's going to win it, because this time he's using The Bug Pokemon Warrior, Scyther!
Misty and Brock are shocked and even Togepi looks a little unsettled at the Scyther's appearance. Although it's not Tracey's Super-Pimp a Scyther is still a formidable opponent for anyone to face off against.
Ash cries out to Pikachu not to be scared, and orders it to use Agility, which it does, darting from place to place until it realises that Scyther isn't moving itself, just standing there looking grim and tough.
Below the dirt, Meowth is listening at the roof of the tunnel they've dug for sounds of movement. Informing the waiting James and Jesse that Pikachu has stopped moving, the two are ready to take their shovels and dig up.
Jesse sighs, telling her two partners in crime that they'll finally have achieved their nefarious scheme.
"Whatever that means," replies James,"But we'll finally have Pikachu!"
"The Boss will be so proud of us, Jesse!" sighs James, clutching his hands together with stars in his eyes and a sparkling background at his, well, back.
"We'll all get the recognition that we so richly deserve!" sparks Jesse happily, sliding up beside James.
"Who cares about recognition, all I want is a humongous bonus and a hot buffet!" laughs Meowth, joining them.
"Let's get to work then, shall we!" giggles James.
"Oh prepare for trouble, that's what they should do!" sings Jesse, posing with her pick as a beatnik beat plays.
"And make it double, we're grabbing Pikachu!" James joins in.
"Haaaaah!" smiles Meowth.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Sing it!" laughs Meowth, and they immediately stop singing and go back to the regular motto, which we find amusing.
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket digging through to Pikachu at the speed of light!" says Jesse, all of them now in coveralls an wearing construction helmets or sweatbands as they dig deep.
"Surrender now or prepare to fight the crowds on opening night!" laughs James as the three of them prepare to cut a ribbon, dressed up in their Sunday best.
"Meowth, that's right!" says Meowth as James digs up through the dirt and pops his head through to find himself staring right up the ass end of a Scyther.
"Hey, what's this!" gasps James.
It's at this moment that Pikachu use's it's Thundershock and Scyther uses Double-Team, which results in James getting shocked back down the hole and Team Rocket being zapped below earth.
The now triple-imaged Scyther prepares to use it's Slash Attack on Pikachu, but Ash is using a Pokemon that has broad-range attacks and he knows he can hit all three with one attack. Pikachu uses Thundershock and dispels all three as illusions, meaning that the real Scyther is somewhere else! Where? Why right behind Pikachu of course!
"Fury Cutter!" orders Bugsy, and with vicious sweeps of it's bladed arms Sycther sends Pikachu reeling.
Luckily Scyther is a terrible shot, and it's vicious cuts only slightly muss up Pikachu's hair, although the change in image for the French Pokemon is enough to have it reeling.
"This is bad," understates Brock, "Everytime Scyther's Fury Cutter hits the damage to Pikachu is doubled!"
"They can't win!" gasps Misty as Pikachu hits the ground.... and that very same instant the referee informs us that Pikachu is unable to battle, without waiting even one moment for confirmation.
When we see Pikachu recovered and all right only seconds later, we see this for the crock of shit that it is, but the rules are final and now it's down to Cyndaquil versus Scyther.
Ash pleads with Cyndaquil to light it's fire, knowing that if it doesn't they've lost for sure. Before it even has a chance though, Bugsy sends Scyther in after Cyndaquil with it's Fury Cutter Attack, which the agile little Fire-Mouse is only barely able to dodge.
Ash takes heart from this though, and tells it to keep on dodging Scyther. It does so, and the exertion finally kicks it's flame into gear, lighting up it's back as Bugsy orders Scyther to use Double Team Attack.
Now Cyndaquil has to dodge the attacks of more than one Scyther, not knowing which ones blades are real and which are simply an illusion. It weaves and dodges back and forth, avoiding all three of The Scyther as it's fire lights up and Ash knows that it's time for Flamethrower.
The blast of fire rips through all three illusions and reveals the true Scyther standing back and waiting. The Flamethrower charges towards it but Bugsy has planned for this, and orders Scyther to use it's Swordsdance. Scyther crosses it's blades across it's chest and begins spinning, which sends the Flamethrower blasting off in all directions but leaving Scyther unharmed.
As Cyndaquil's Flamethrower ends, it's left open to attack and Scyther charges forward, smacking it over with a Slash Attack, but Cyndaquil is made of pretty tough stuff and it leaps back up, ready to fight.
Ash now finds himself in the quandary of actually having to think, and as the rusty gears of the outdated and inefficient machine of his brain grind against each other, Bugsy mocks the poor little twerp, telling Ash that it knows Bug Pokemon are weak against fire attacks so it and Scyther came up with Swordsdance as a way of repelling the fire blasts.
Ash in in agony, his poor brain protesting at being used in this unfair way (to think) but suddenly it hits him, and as Bugsy calls for Scyther to use Fury Cutter he orders Cyndaquil to prepare it's Flamethrower once again.
"That's a bad decision," taunts the smugly little androgynous Gym Leader, "Scyther, Swordsdance now!"
Scyther begins spinning, and one of the most unexpected things of all time occurs.
Ash outsmarts somebody.
"All right Cyndaquil!" he roars, "Jump above Scyther!"
Cyndaquil leaps high, right over the spinning Scyther, and at Ash's request points it's body straight down. Amazingly, the boy has shown a grasp of the basic laws of physics as the updraft from Sycther's Swordsdance keeps Cyndaquil afloat.
"Wha.....?" wha's Bugsy.
"MISTY! LOOK!" screams Brock, not believing his squinty little eyes.
"Quick Cyndaquil, use your Flamethrower right now!" cries Ash, and the Fire-Mouse does instantly, letting loose with a huge gout of flame which engulfs Scyther. Not only does The Sworddance spin mean that the flame is trapped, but with the circular motion it's turned Flamethrower into Flamespin and is doing double, maybe triple the damage against a Pokemon which is all ready weak against Fire Types.
The result? One toasted Scyther.
"Quick Cyndaquil!" cries Ash, not giving the dead on it's feet Scyther any chance, "Use your tackle attack!"
This is fairly easy for Cyndaquil, as all it has to do is fall, which it was doing anyway. It crashes into Scyther's head and knocks the big Pokemon out, crashing it down as the referee with the annoying voice proclaims that Scyther is unable to battle, and thus Cyndaquil is the winner. Not only that, but the victory overall is Ash's, and he's won his second Johto League Badge!
"Great job, Scyther," says Bugsy, calling back his Pokemon as Ash, Pikachu and Cyndaquil celebrate.
Well if you call getting your ass whupped by a cuddly little mouse that can't even open it's eyes then I guess it's pretty clear why Ash outsmarted you, isn't it ya androgynous little punk.
The sexless monstrosity in the short pants approaches Ash and congratulates him, handing over a Hive Badge, which looks a lot like a ladybug.
"Thanks Bugsy, this one means a lot to me," says Ash, taking the badge from it, although as far as we can tell this badge means no more or less than any of the others he's caught in the past.
Still, it gives him an excuse to pose in front of that green background he seems to like so much.
Bugsy, who gets so lonely, asks Ash for a rematch if he ever comes back this way, and Ash agrees readily enough, although we find it more likely that we'll never see this androgynous little bastard/bitch again.
As the sun sets, the twerps stand on a hill overlooking Azalea Town, ready to leave now, all of their business done, with not one single thing left to do before they go, yep, that's right, not one single thing to do because they're all finished and ready to go, yep, that's right, no reason to stay, DO NOT go back to Kurt's house and see that little brat Maisie again, because that's just not necessary.
"It took a long time to get here," Brock notes (and how!), "But it sure was worth the trip!"
"Yeah," agrees Misty, "Well, let's hit the roa.... oh! wait a minute, guys, doesn't it seem like we're forgetting something?"
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO YOU'RE NOT! DO NOT TURN BACK! YOU'LL TURN INTO PILLARS OF SALT WE TELLS YA!
"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRHHHHHH!" they cry together before Ash says it out loud, "We never got our Apricorn Pokeballs from Kurt!"
"ASH!" cries a voice.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It is..... ALIVE!!!!
Turning, they see the red-cheeked, big mouthed little brat charging up the hill towards them, waving her stupid little arm and smiling with her big stupid mouth.
"Hi Brock, Hi Misty, how'd the Gym Match go!" she asks, poking her stupid little nose in where it doesn't belong.
"Maisie!" says Misty with false cheer. something familiar to anyone who has ever had an Aunt come to stay.
"It went great!" boasts Ash, "I won a hive badge!"
"Congratulations," the annoying little creep says, although at least she has to presence of mind to hold her hands together and bow, a show of respect which Ash returns out of politeness.
"Thanks," Ash says, wishing she'd just die like all the rest of us do, but needing to be nice so he can wheedle some free Apricorn Balls off of her, "Say, did you just come out here to congratulate me?"
"No, Grandpa said to give you these," her annoyingly lispy voice tells them, and she holds up three Pokeballs, one black, the other two greenish.
"The one with the little bubbles is the Heavy Ball," she tells them, "And the greenish ones are Lure Balls."
Misty and Brock thank them, and then Misty picks a Lure Ball while Brock takes a Heavy Ball, leaving Ash to take the Lure Ball that's left, although he tries to make it sound like it was his choice. They thank Maisie for bringing them all the way out to the edge of town, not knowing that Kurt sent her out so he could have a little 'Kurt-Time' with The GS Ball.
"Granpa said... to thank you all.... for the GS Ball," Maisie stutters out, which is only understandable, as we'd be pretty thankful to anyone who gave us a rare and unique sex toy as well.
They ask if Kurt has found out anything more about what they think is a rare Pokeball, and Maisie (DIEDIEDIE) tells them that so far Grandpa hasn't been able to figure it out, but he'll keep working on it (you can bet on that!) and they can stop by to pick it up in Pallet Town (which he hopes will be a long, long, looooong way in the future).
With that, the twerps say goodbye, turn and go but that little brat STILL WON'T SHUT UP! She runs forward a few steps and cries out goodbyes to all of them, including Pikachu, and the camera stays on her for far too long, her stupid little hairdo looking even worse from behind.
But thankfully, that is it, we've seen the last of Maisie for the foreseeable future, Ash has finally gotten past Azalea Town and they're one step closer to The Johto League.
But what about Team Rocket? Last we saw of them they were getting electrocuted down a hole.
Well they're still down it, but now they're crawling out, Jesse bemoaning the death of their dream, which James claims was more like a nightmare.
"At least dose twerps ain't around to bug us," sighs Meowth, and looks up just in time to see the dark silhouettes of multiple Bug Pokemon lowering themselves down around the frightened Team Rocket.
The camera cuts to outside the Gym as Team Rocket screams, a polka beat quickly rushes to a crescendo and somewhere far in the background a monkey screams with laughter.
And God help us, that didn't strike us as odd.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "This isn't a Pokemon Gym, it's a torture house!!"
 "That's very nice. Let's hug later"
 "But we have to disguise ourselves so we blend into the decor" "I'll be a beautiful flower""I'll be a sturdy tree" "I'll be a pesky weed"
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