137: Wired For Battle
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But forget the kids for a second, and let's focus more on the real heroes of Pokemon, our beloved Team Rocket.
Watching the twerps from the nearby bushes, Meowth asks Jesse and James what todays plan for capturing Pikachu is, fatalisticly acknowledging the likelihood of their failure.
But today's plan is a cunning scheme, one so breathtakingly original as to, well, as to take your breath away!
You see, this sinister scheme is one that nobody will ever expect, one that will throw this whole cynical, PC World of ours into shock, bring down financial institutions, throw the Internet into disarray and bring down the most formidable leaders of The Mafia.
Yes, they're going to sneak ahead of the kids and then, and then, AND THEN......... they're going to dig a hole!
....
Well, yes.
Meowth is, of course, incredibly excited by this concept and yells out much too loudly that this is his favourite plan yet, and Jesse and James grab the Scratch-Cat around the mouth to shut him up.
As they admonish him to keep the noise down, a shadow falls over them and they turn to find themselves staring up at a very, very seedy looking individual who asks them if they're looking for a Pokemon Battle. Ignoring his ratty appearance and dodgy over-shadowing, Team Rocket whip out their Poke-Balls, thinking this should be an easy victory for them, until a speeding Pokemon zooms from tree-top to tree-top, terrifying the easily scared Team Rocket, who clutch each other in fear, James letting out a little, "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" as a red, scary looking Pokemon's face fills the screen.
Meanwhile Ash - whose other senses have enhanced slightly to compensate for the enormous drag factor of his brain - pulls up short, claiming that he heard something.
"What kind of something?" asks Brock.
"Sounded... kind of like.... a scream?" mumbles Ash.
Back in the bushes, Meowth is lying battered and bruised over the near-corpses of Weezing and Arbok, mumbling incoherently that he thinks he took it easy on them.
James respectfully asks Mr. Seedy if they can have a rematch but Meowth is having none of it, crying that it's time to run before he and the other Pokemon get going. Jesse and James take a moment to pose ala Edge and Christian, then zoom off after them.
"Scizor." grumbles the very cool looking red Pokemon as it takes a knee next to Mr. Seedy. After a long series of ugly, dodgy and just plain bad looking Johto Pokemon, it's nice to see one that actually looks pretty damn sweet. Donphan and Heracross had been carrying the pride and respectability of Johto up to this point, but now it passes on to the evolved version of Scyther - Scizor.
"Sigh," sighs Mr. Seedy, "They're not making Pokemon Trainer's like they used to."
Cutting back to the kids, they have decided not to investigate the scream they heard in the forest (socially responsible, aren't they!) and put it out of their minds, moving on.
When a blurred, quickly moving red flash zooms overhead, however, they all pull to a stop. Ash knows that he heard something this time and Misty and Brock both agree, Brock looking very fearful indeed, having seen Deliverance before.
Pikachu is getting a little anxious, and Ash bravely tells his cuddly little rodent to jump down to investigate what may well be the source of the screams deep in the forest.
Scizor appears suddenly from out of the bushes, leaping to within a few feet of Ash and Company, facing off with a nervous Pikachu, which surrounds itself with a highly charged sphere of electro-static energy.
They look the Scizor over and Ash - seeing that's it's tall, carries itself with confidence and grace, has a lean body but powerfully built feet and hands and exhibits a speed and power beyond anything he's seen before - decides to fight it.
Brock intervenes quickly, warning Ash that The Scizor is waiting for Pikachu to make the first move, most likely to get an accurate judge of Pikachu's speed and power level.
Knowing that the first move has to be a good one, Ash feels true physical pain as he's forced to use his brain and think of what he should do. Giving up, he asks Brock for some advice but all the squinty eyed Gym Leader can offer is that, if they ask him, this particular Pokemon obviously doesn't have a Trainer.
"Ahem," says Mr. Seedy, stepping out of the bushes as Scizor leaps back to his side, "I am it's Trainer."
"Well, it's a good thing you didn't ask me!" smiles Brock, talking out of his ass and making Ash and Misty puff with exasperation. Pikachu sits back on it's ass and sighs with relief, then suddenly flops forward hard onto it's face.
"Uhhhh, Pikachu are you okay?" asks Ash, running up to his buddy's side with Brock and Misty. An angry Misty ignores the endorphines constantly being pumped into her brain by Togepi to make her goofy, stupid and apathetic, charging up to Mr. Seedy and yelling directly into his face.
"HEY! WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA WITH LETTING YOUR POKEMON RUN LOOSE? DON'T YOU KNOW SOMEBODY COULD GET HURT!?!"
Mr. Seedy - unused to seeing young girls without a wall and a peep-hole between them - becomes very uncomfortable and leans back, putting up his hands in a warding off gesture.
"I'm sorry," he mumbles, "We were just doing a little secret training...." "WELL I WISH SOMEONE WOULD TRAIN YOU, MISTER!" she roars until Brock finally pulls her away in a deliciously ironic send-up of the usual Misty-Drags-Brock-Before-He-Can-Get-Busy routine.
"O-kay, let's save the etiquette lessons for later...." he soothes as he drags, Ash giggling nervously as Pikachu - apparently recovered - settles onto his head.
Mr. Seedy apologises to Ash, bowing down before introducing himself and his Scizor. His name is Morimasa and his Pokemon is Masamune, and the world sighs with collective relief at the retention of actual Japanese names. No quips about Japanese Restaurants or silly names like Jasper and Rudy, just a seedy, traditionalist Trainer and a mean looking, dangerous kick-ass Pokemon.
"HEEEEEY!" says Ash for no apparent reason (he probably said okay or hello in Japanese) before whipping out Dexter to get the 411 on this slamming Pokemon.
Dodgemaster Lex apologises for Dodgemaster Tim's sad little homie speak.
"Scizor," says Dexter, "The Scizor Pokemon. The evolved form, of Scyther. It's, incredible, attack speed and, it's large, scissor-like claws, make it a, formidable opponent."
Scizor, the Scizor Pokemon - real original Professor Westwood The Fifth.
Ash is very impressed and displays his intelligence, telling Mr. Seedy that Scizor looks like a, "Bigger, Redder, Scyther."
"Yeah, but Scizor is a lot more powerful," explains Brock as Misty grumpily looks on.
"I'm very impressed," Mr. Seedy suddenly speaks up, "With you and your Pikachu! You're just what I've been looking for!" Ash looks a bit concerned, as anyone would when a seedy looking old man tells them you're just what he's been looking for. He needn't worry, though, since Morimasa just wants to take them to his Elite Training Gym.
It's an impressive sight, the high gates open to reveal a training ground where various Trainers instruct their Pokemon in battles against each other. The arena is surrounded by quarters, kitchens, dining rooms etc, etc, where the Trainer's, Teachers and Students live, eat, sleep and train.
Spotting Mr. Seedy, they all stop and turn to bow and show their respect, which confuses Ash, as he's never shown respect in his life. Heading inside, they're greeted by an extremely polite boy who drops to his knees and bows till his face touches the floor. Brock, Ash and Misty all kneel and bow as well, though not to the same degree (although the polite Pikachu goes right over) and Misty seems a little confused by being treated with such politeness and respect.
Togepi, on the other hand, is delighted by such obeisance and it's toothless mouth gapes open with evil glee.
Polite-Boy explains to them that Mr. Seedy was once one of the top Trainer's on the entire planet, right up there with (and perhaps surpassing) today's Elite Four. But as he grew older he decided to teach others the wisdom and talent he'd earned in his youth, and today his school is peopled by people from all around the world, who all train right along with their Pokemon in order to achieve a greater understanding and connection with their Pokemon.
And Mr. Seedy isn't the only impressive one, back in the day his Scizor was so fast and so talented that it was nicknamed The Crimson Streak.
Ash didn't understand all that silly talk about experience and talent and all that other good crap, but the moment he hears the catchy nickname he gets very excited, sure that the nickname was obviously what made Morimasa so great.
Watching from over the walls, Team Rocket are also very impressed, now knowing that Masamune is a Scizor and with it's cool nickname, it's no wonder they were beaten.
"No wonder we lost," moans James, "They've got a crimson streak and we've got a losing one!"
Meowth and Jesse nod sadly.
Inside Ash is still excited over the nickname and comments that it must be pretty cool.
"It used to be," interrupts a new voice, and the kids turn to find themselves facing a young, smug looking man holding a laptop computer under one arm. leaning against a wall for rebellious effect.
"Don't say that!" gasps Polite-Boy, aghast that anyone could say anything bad about his beloved Crimson Streak.
Now that just sounds nasty!
"That is Shingo, my top student," explains Mr. Seedy with a sigh, "Perhaps you could interest him in a Pokemon Battle?"
Ash - who has taken off his cap out of respect and looks naked - is all for that and introduces himself as Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town, and asks Shingo where he comes from.
Rather than answer him, Shingo doesn't.
Settling down, the little computer-nerd looks up Ketchum of Pallet Town in his Laptops Database, finding him almost instantly.
"Am I in that thing?" asks a confused Ash, settling down beside Shingo, "There I am!"
A biography on Ash appears, showing his Pokemon, graphs on their power usage, levels, attack speeds etc, etc, as well as a comprehensive history on the emotionally crippled little boy's career as a Pokemon Trainer.
Shingo explains that he has all the necessary information on all Pokemon Trainers and their Pokemon going back for the last 5 years, and that this information tells him all he needs to know about every possible battle that could ever be fought.
Listening in on this from afar, Team Rocket gets very excited and know exactly what it is they have to do. Charging off of the rooftop they're on, they run into a Fantasy-Sequence where James and Meowth sit on opposite ends of a table typing madly away on Lap-Tops, wearing cool looking Sun-Goggles. Jesse sits off to the side, tapping at her Lap-Top with one arm while she holds an ear-piece with the other.
James has decided it's time Team Rocket entered the Hi-Tech age, and Meowth eagerly agrees, knowing that they can download Shingo's Database and get the inside scoop on all Trainer's and Pokemon and know who to battle and how.
All three group together for a victorious camera-shot, the moment ruined when Jesse tentatively asks,"What does download mean?" As James and Meowth try to fool the beautiful, computer-illeterate young lady in on the Cyber-Age, Shingo is fully immersed in it, tapping away at his LapTop.
"According to my data, you're a Type-C Trainer," Shingo explains to Ash, "You use fairly standard attacks and rely on your Pokemon's power to win for you."
"He's got that right," Misty tells Ash.
"You're prone to making rash decisions and relying on your hunches."
"I'd say that's fairly accurate," agrees Brock as Ash tries not to look too annoyed.
Meanwhile, Jesse is on the lookout from the rooftop, informing James and Meowth that Shingo is still there, working on his 'flaptop' as she puts it. Turning around, she notes James and Meowth have somewhat disappeared, a scene all too familiar to you High School nerds out there.
James and Meowth are all ready inside Mr. Seedy's compound, an electronic lead ready to be attached to Shingo's Laptop so they can leech all of his hard gathered information. Jesse, not wanting to be left out, leaps down and grabs them around the shoulders, informing them that she's there to lend them any tech support she needs.
Understandably, James and Meowth do not appear that excited about the prospect.
"I remember now," Shingo is telling Ash as he brings up an image of The Mighty Charizard, "You lost at The Indigo Plateau because your Charizard wouldn't obey you, interesting match."
"Yeah, kinda," grumbles Ash, who like the rest of the world would rather forget that Richie ever existed, "I guess you must have been at The Stadium."
"Nah, I just hook up my modem and download the files," explains Shingo, then notes, "You know, you were pretty lucky to make the top 16 at your first big competition."
"Yeah," laughs Ash,"But I'm way better now than I was then."
He moves into the battle area and turns to face Shingo,"Come on, I'll prove it, let's battle."
Shingo declines the offer however, telling Ash that according to his data, the emotionally crippled little brat will fail. As Ash spirals his arms in his best windmill impersonation, Shingo stands and tells everyone that, with the data he has at his fingertips, he has no need to battle, because it can't teach him anything he doesn't all ready know.
Mr. Polite tells Ash that, as hard as it is to believe Shingo is probably right, he hasn't been wrong before. Turning, Shingo and his lap-top, telling Mr. Seedy that if he wants him to battle, he should find him a Trainer who can teach him something he doesn't all ready know.
Following that burn we're treated to the horrifying visage of the yawning mouth of a Togepi, accepting a toothpick morsel of Tofu into it's gaping maw.
It seems that it's meal time, and Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu and Mr. Seedy are all enjoying a delicious meal of tofu which the translators don't even bother to try and make into fried steak.
Mr. Seedy explains that, for over a year now, Shingo has refused to battle anyone because he claims his studies of facts, figures, statistics et al have made the outcome of any battle predictable, and he will only battle somebody who might be able teach him something new.
Masamune listens to all this, hearing Mr. Seedy explain that Shingo has lost his way and needs somebody to challenge him. Agreeing with this concept, the Scizor proves it by suddenly leaping up and cutting some straw dummies in half.
The internationally accepted gesture for 'Too True, my talented but seedy looking Master.'
"I'll battle him" growls Ash, leaping up to his feet (they all look cute in their socks, by the way!) and clenching his fist, "Pokemon's about more than just databases, it's about you and your Pokemon working as a team and caring about each other!"
He turns to smile graciously into his close-up shot, "You'll see, I'll work out some way to get him away from that computer screen and into a real Pokemon match!"
"I thank you Ash!" smiles Mr. Seedy, bearing up over Ash in an uncomfortable way, "I could sense from the moment I met you that you were someone I could depend upon!"
Again, these are not words you want to be hearing from somebody who looks this seedy.
Ash's strategy however, while enthusiastic, is hardly a masterpiece of original thinking.
Charging socks first into Shingo's spacious room, he eagerly asks Shingo WASSUP!
"What do you want," grumbles the Cyber-Nerd, closing his lap-top and standing up.
"A POKEMON BATTLE!" roars Ash excitedly.
Shingo is having none of it, he still believes that there is no point in battling because his computer tells him that he can beat not only Ash, but Trainers who are better than Ash.
Sounds like circular logic to us though, a boy who doesn't battle saying he can beat anyone so in that case there is no need to battle.
Another word for circular logic can be - Big Ol' Bag Of Chickenshit.
Ash has taken his promise to get Shingo away from his laptop seriously - and literally - however and grabs Shingo by the arm, tugging him across the room, telling him a Pokemon Battle will be fun.
As Shingo struggles to break free from the surprisingly strong chicken-wing arms of Ash Ketchum, Meowth sneaks in through the window and plugs in the phone-lead through which James will download all of Shingo's information.
Meowth signals the other two from their hiding place in the bushes just inside the walls of the compound, where the phone lead connects to James' own laptop.
"We're logged in," giggles James.
"Time to download," whispers Jesse, then laughs maniacally as she proves once and for all she is not a Cyber-Hacker. Grabbing the phone lead, she begins to wildly pull the long extension cord back in towards her, unintentionally wrapping James up in it as she pulls Shingo's laptop out of the window in a very physical download indeed!
A shocked Meowth sees their plan falling apart to Jesse's computer illiteracy and leaps out the window, grabbing the lap-top before it can crash into the ground.
Unfortunately Meowth can't fly, and he plummets hard to the ground, successfully saving the computer but screwing his own body up in the process. Jesse could care less though, and she continues to pull him along the ground towards the bush. As mad as her scheme seemed, it appears to be working as Meowth gets closer and closer to the bushes and.... stops?
Looking up, the bruised, battered and now terrified Meowth finds himself eyeball to large claw with Masamune.
"Scizor," it growls, snipping the wire with it's claw.
Jesse pulls the snapped wire in and both her and James blame Meowth for the cut, stepping up out of the bushes just in time to come face to face with Masamune and Meowth, who is being strangled to death by the Scizor's claw.
As Jesse and James whimper, Ash and Shingo hear their initial scream and charge down to see what's going on. Apparently Ash stops to put his shoes back on along the way, as he's wearing them again when he gets down there.
"You three again! What do you want this time!" growls Ash to Team Rocket.
"Just his data," whimpers James.
Jesse, who has had enough of all his hacking and downloading and online porn, declares that they're just going to battle for it, and she calls out Arbok and Lickitung.
"Here we go again!" moans James, calling out the monstrosity that is Weezing and the One-Joke Wonder that is Victreebell.
As Ash growls menacingly and Team Rocket's Pokemon pose, Shingo notes his laptop lying forlornly on the ground and rushes to embrace it.
Arbok lunges for Shingo as he reaches his computer, but a quick dash by Masamune knocks the Snake-Pokemon backwards as an enraged Shingo demands to know who they are.
"Prepare for trouble like you've never seen," starts Jesse, always eager to run through the motto."
"This is real life kid, this ain't on your screen," admonishes James.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"That's right!" yells Meowth, then moans at his lack of interaction throughout,"Next time Team Rocket come up with a motto I'm demanding script approval."
"So you're Team Rocket," snaps Shingo who has no idea who they are, "What do you want?"
"We want that Pokemon info!" they tell him, planning to use it for their own nefarious purposes which are.... to be able to better plan for a victory. Nefarious, in't it.
"Let's stop them!" cries Ash, sliding into place beside Shingo and trying to snatch the choice portion for himself, "Shingo, I'll take Jesse, you take...."
"Let's see, Jesse, James and Meowth," interrupts Shingo, looking through his laptop as Ash falls backwards in consternation, "I don't have anything in my database about you."
"Nothing on me!" gasps Jesse.
"There has to be some kind of mistake," growls James, who was sure he'd be in everybody's Who's Who.
"My names in there, isn't it?" sweats Brock as he, Misty and Ash look over Shingo's shoulders.
"I double-checked and there's no mention of you anywhere," Shingo tells Team Rocket.
Jesse and James share sniggers at this proclamation, drawing close and telling each other in gossipy whispers just loud enough for Shingo to hear.
"Did you hear that James? The whiz-kid doesn't have the world famous Team Rocket in his database."
"Imagine not including us in a Pokemon's Who's Who!"
"Untinkable!" agrees Meowth.
"Are they really that important?" asks Shingo.
"No not really," says Ash, Misty and Brock together, shaking their heads.
"I'd be ashamed if I had made such a glaring omission, wouldn't you?" Jesse asks, head held high and hands holding ass.
"Absolutely mortified, Jesse," agrees James.
"It's CAT-astrophic," puns Meowth horribly.
"WOAH!" woah's Shingo, "Are you saying my datafiles are incomplete!"
"It's obvious," says Jesse, James continuing as the camera pans lovingly down their bodies.
"We couldn't trust a flawed source of information."
"De bottom line is," finishes Meowth, "It ain't even worth stealing."
All three laugh together as Shingo fumes, then erupts into action, leaping up and childishly yelling that he'll show them. He whips out his Pokeball - much to Mr. Seedy and Ash's delight - and calls forth his Pokemon, yet another Scizor.
Meowth's laughter turns to quavering fear as he finds himself facing yet another Scizor, and according to Shingo this one - Blade - is faster, has sharper blades and can last longer than Masamune, and has never been defeated.
Ouch, poor Team Rocket.
Shingo settles down as Blade prepares for battle, getting into position behind his laptop. He will watch the first exchange through his laptop, giving him the analysis he needs to be able to defeat Team Rocket.
"I'VE ALREADY HAD ANALYSIS!" screams James.
Now of course, this could mean any one of a thousand things, but come on people! Anal-ysis - it's just too much fun!
Team Rocket have had enough of this nerd's talk now and let him know it, calling him a dweeb and a Techno-Geek before all 5 Pokemon charge at once.
According to Shingo's Laptop, their reaction speed is a paltry .34 which is, apparently, like standing still to Blade, who reacts with a Quick Attack that smashes the Pokemon back into Jesse and James and sends them blasting off again.... all ready!
"See," smug Shingo smugly smugs, standing up and tucking his laptop away, "Battle over."
"Excellent work," nods Mr. Seedy, "It is good to see you battling again."
"I KNEW I WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU!" squeals Ash like a little girl, rushing into Shingo's way, "It's a waste for you not to battle more, Shingo!"
"What are you talking about?" asks Shingo, who really doesn't get this whole social interaction thing everyone else seems to dig so much.
"Don't you see?" asks Ash, actually having the temerity to try and teach something to someone, "I'm always trying to get stronger, but to do that I have to keep battling stronger Trainers!"
"Well that's the waste, data predicts everything," chuckles Shingo dismissively.
"No it doesn't!" snaps Ash, "It doesn't predict how a battle can affect a Trainer and their Pokemon, does it? If you battled more instead of sitting glued to that screen all day, you'd know that!"
Shingo, confused by young Ash's talk of 'feelings?' and 'emotional baggage?' and 'social interaction and development?' finally gives and agrees to battle Ash, one on one.
Oh this is gonna be sweet!
They move to the main Battle-Arena, where Mr. Seedy informs everyone that it is a One on One battle. Shingo has chosen Blade and Ash has chosen.....
"I choose, Heracross!" cries Ash, actually making the smartest possible move of all. Against type, Heracross is the only one of Ash's Pokemon that should be capable of defeating a Scizor, but that alone would not be enough. However, Heracross has a little something that no computer can predict or compensate for, and that is gross, abnormal sexual perversity!
Brock and Misty are impressed by Ash's display of acumen, knowing that Heracross' speed and defence are the best foil to Scizor's speed and attack. Shingo is less impressed, Heracross is the obvious choice and he all ready has a strategy worked out.
But as was said earlier, some things can't be compensated for.
Blade begins with a Quick Attack and Heracross tries to counter with a Leer. Shingo watches it all through his laptop, getting a response time of .29 from Heracross, indicating that this battle shouldn't take too long at all.
"Increase attack speed, Blade!" he orders his Scizor, which does just that, moving so fast that Heracross' Leer just doesn't have the time to work.
Smashing into the perverted Pokemon, Blade sends Heracross reeling as Shingo explains that the increased speed adds three times the attack damage as normal. According to the graphs on his computers, Heracross should now be at half strength.
Ignoring Shingo's taunts that if he had his data he's know this, Ash tells Heracross to get up, which it immediately does. Facing off with Blade again, Shingo orders it to use it's Metal Claw attack. Blade's blades begin to glow and it takes a swing at Heracross, who blocks with his horn and gets a nasty static shock from the contact.
Confused, Heracross is easy pickings for Blade who lifts the pin-wheeling Pokemon high over it's head in preparation for a toss....
....
GETCHA MIND OUTTA DA GUTTA!
Ash screams at Heracross not to let Blade toss it off (which is against Heracross' nature!) and it manages to slip free from The Scizor's grip, landing firmly on it's feet and surprising Shingo and Blade both.
"Heracross, use your horn attack, NOW!" orders Ash.
"DODGE IT BLADE!" screams Shingo, but Heracross connects, slamming it's horn hard into Scizor's side and dropping it to one knee.
Yep, it seems Blade can dish out the pain but not take it.
"How.... Point 1 8?" gasps Shingo, staring at Heracross' response time on his laptop,"I've never seen a Defence like that, impossible!"
"I BET THAT WASN'T IN YOUR DATABASE, WAS IT!" laughs Ash, adding to Shingo's indignity by taunting him.
"I'll do a quick analysis and have my computer choose my next attack," sweats Shingo.
"I learned to use my gut in a Pokemon Battle!" Ash continues to taunt Shingo, "And you don't learn guts online!"
Not exactly true, go to www.learnallaboutguts.com for some gutty goodness.
"Ash always battles on instinct!" Misty informs us for no reason at all.
"Different Trainer's use different styles, that's what makes Pokemon Battles so unpredictable!" adds Brock as Mr. Seedy watches on with a mysterious smile.
"Heracross, use Take Down!" orders Ash as Shingo's computer whirls out a detailed analysis and gives him an option. "YES!" he hisses with satisfaction, "Okay Blade, use your Agility!"
Blade rockets into action, zooming all about a confused and sweaty Heracross, who can't move fast enough to get a hit in on The Scizor.
Smug Shingo smugly smugs at Ash, telling him he's like to see Ash's gut beat his data now, and much to our amusement and Shingo's crippling humiliation, Ash does just that.
He orders Heracross to stay still and not attempt to take the battle to Blade, instead to be still and made it come to him.
Heracross understands and relaxes, standing still and closing it's eyes, much to Shingo's consternation as this is not a recorded offensive or defensive move.
He tries to run an analysis, but with Blade moving all over the place and the potential for Heracross to attack at any time, he can't keep his attention squarely fixed on his analysis AND the battle all at the same time.
He begins to panic, sweating like a sweaty thing that sweats and is wearing a sweater as Brock and Misty move up next to Mr. Seedy and note that Shingo is in a bit of trouble.
"He's beginning to realise where his attention should be," says Mr. Seedy with a smile.
Heracross, meanwhile, has worked out the pattern to Blade's Agility and can sense where he will be next. Ash senses the shift in Heracross' bearing and orders it to use Fury Swipes, which sends Heracross into a frenzy. It charges forward and swings wildly at Blade, who tries to retaliate with Metal Claw but finds himself on the back foot.
With a squawk of disbelief, Heracross launches Blade into the air with one hard smash of his fists.
HOORAH!
"Nice work Heracross!" laughs Ash.
"NO WAY!" screams Shingo and does the unthinkable, standing up and leaving the comfortable sanctuary of his laptop, much to Brock, Misty and Mr. Seedy's surprise.
Blade smashes into the ground hard as Shingo steps symbolically in front of his laptop, therefore turning his back on it.
"Blade, stand up, STAND!" he roars at his Scizor, "They can't win!"
Blade slowly, shakily gets to it's feet as across from them a confident Ash and Heracross are ready.
"It's on the ropes, Heracross, let's finish it.... NOW!"
Heracross launches itself at Blade again, using it's Fury Swipes to back the Scizor off in a panic as Shingo watches on, trying to figure out how it could possibly move faster than his data predicted.
"There's a whole lot more to Pokemon than data," taunts Ash, "Let's win this Heracross!"
"Keep on battling Blade!" orders Shingo, getting into the swing of things now.
The two Pokemon exchange several blows, punches, kicks and horn attacks with the grace of a balletic sword display. But it is Heracross who comes out on top, slamming Blade backwards.
"This might be it!" proclaims Ash, getting it wrong as always.
"BLADE!" roars Shingo in his best Bill Shatner impersonation.
The Scizor plants it's feet firmly into the ground and skids to a stop.
"Nice recovery!" notes Misty.
"What did you expect?" asks Shingo with a grin, falling victim to the euphoria of battle,"Blade, Quick Attack!"
"Quick Heracross, Tackle Attack!" counters Ash.
They move in again, but once again Heracross proves faster and connects with Blade first.... or does it?
"Too slow!" laughs Shingo as his Scizor avoids most of the damage but let's Heracross overextend, allowing it to slam the Perverted Pokemon with a claw and send it backwards.
"Your Scizor is a tough battler Shingo!" Ash congratulates Shingo as Heracross lands on it's feet, recovering almost instantly.
"Your Heracross is tough too, Ash!" acknowledges Shingo, joining the mutual admiration society, "But my buddy Blade will never give up!"
"We're not giving up either!" laughs Ash as Mr. Seedy nods with encouragement at this display of social interaction from his top student and his challenger.
Blade use's Metal Claw but Heracross dodges it, leaving Blade overextended and in danger of attack. Shingo orders it to use Agility to avoid an attack and The Scizor flies high into the air, giving it the perfect opportunity to swoop down on Heracross.
"FINISH IT OFF WITH FORCE SWIPE!" orders Shingo, and Blade dovebombs.
"Stand your ground, Heracross!" orders Ash, his Pokemon trusting him and doing as it's told.
"WE WIN!" roars Shingo.
"Remember with Pokemon you can't predict everything," lies Ash, who is banking everything on a prediction he's just made. Scizor swoops down and smashes into Heracross, who goes onto all fours and absorbs the impact, sending it all back into Blade and bouncing him back high into the air.
"Told you!" laughs Ash as Shingo watches in shock, "Heracross, Horn Attack, NOW!"
As Blade falls back towards Heracross, it lowers it's head and then flings the Scizor backwards with such force that the image turns into a held cell with a motion blur.
Now that's power!
Ash congratulates Heracross on the victory as Mr. Seedy proclaims him the winner, but then notes that Blade is still in a pretty bad way.
Shingo rushes to his Pokemon's side and asks him if he's all right, and a shaky, sore but still living Blade nods agreement.
"But Shingo, what about your computer?" asks Mr. Seedy smugly.
"I don't need it anymore.... I forgot what real matches were like," moralises Shingo, then turns to congratulate Blade on getting it's ass whupped, "You were great, you battled really hard!"
"Scizor," nods Blade, glad it's humiliated blush can't be seen through it's red chitin.
"Shingo's battling spirit has been restored, old friend," Morimasa tells Masamune, "And I think ours has been too."
"Thanks Shingo, I think I learned a lot from you in that match,"
Ash tells Shingo, which translates as, "HAHA! I whipped your ass, girly bitch!"
"I think I learned more from you!" laughs Shingo, which translates as, "I can't believe I got an ass-whupping from a little punk like you!"
"SEE!" smugs Ash smugly, "You should have listened to me sooner!"
"I think I'll take some time and analyse our strengths and weaknesses without using this for a change," Shingo says, looking at his laptop, which failed him when it counted most.... in the bedroom, "And after I've do some more training..."
"Then we'll battle again!" finishes Ash for him.
"Great!" smiles Shingo, "But be careful cause I'll be a stronger trainer next time!"
"I hope I will be too," Ash says as they shake hands and Brock theorises that the next time they meet both they, and their Pokemon, will both be stronger, and that's a fight Misty can't wait to see.
The narrator informs us then - in case we weren't smart enough to get the message being shoved down our throats the whole episode - that facts and figures can't tell us everything, only experience can.
But really, is that the case? Shingo was able to beat all comers until he met Ash, who may just have been the exception that proves the rule. After all, the experience of battling Ash is a rather unique one, and we think the true moral of the story is this :
No matter how advanced your computers, when it comes to emotionally crippled crack babies and the sexual frustrations of a perverted Pokemon, can anything really be predicted?
Speaking of predictability, we end on three poor, misguided creatures trudging through the forest, bruised, battered, black eyes and all.
"I only wish dat kids computer had crashed insteada us!" moans Meowth as Team Rocket limps into the sunset, all of them moaning as one.
"Looks like Team Rockets limping off again!"
| BEST QUOTES |
 "I love the hole plan. Out of all our plans, the hole plan has got to be my favourite!"
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