136: Mild 'n Woolly
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There have been dodgier episodes, yes, but none will ever come close to this episode for the sheer perversity of it all. This one has it all, from gang-rapes to paedophelia to bestiality and beyond, and the majority of it isn't even covered up!
Yes, it's fun to watch, but we're glad an episode like this is the exception and not the norm.
And thus, we give you Mild 'N Woolly, or as we here down to de Pokemopolis call it.
Pikachu Gets Gang-raped.
Ash and co, not in any great rush to actually get anywhere like, say, a Pokemon League, have stopped for a picnic in the high hills of the mountains.
Sitting on a grassy bank near a river, they all seem pleased and content to be where they are, all except Togepi which appears to be displeased by their lack of progress. How's a freaky egg-type thingy supposed to take over the world if it's host keeps stopping for a new adventure every five seconds, after all.
Brock notes that the bracing mountain air really helps to work up an appetite but Ash needs no such excuse, stuffing sandwiches into his mouth with childish enthusiasm.
Unfortunately for him, he isn't quite smart enough to have worked out all the intricacies of eating yet, and his food gets caught in his throat, making him choke.
Since none of the kids actually bother with going to school, they haven't been forced into a medical aid course and none of them know how to administer the Heimlich Manoeuvre, so Ash is doomed to a choking death, not helped by Misty offering him some water in order to drown him as well.
Pikachu gets increasingly agitated as Ash chokes to death, hopping from paw to paw and grumbling anxiously, fidgeting nervously before just losing it and letting loose with a blast of electric energy.
This seems to be the added incentive Ash needs to finally remember how to use his throat muscles, and he swallows the food and water down before collapsing onto his ass and making the terrible pun, "Guess I got all choked up."
Before Misty or Brock can beat him to death for such heartless pun-inicity, the jingling of a bell distract them all and they look off into the distance, where they spot, of all things, a sheep.
"What's that?" asks Ash, whose stupidity obviously surpasses even that of the legendary sheep.
"I've never seen one in person before," claims Brock, who was brought up in Pallet Town which has a major export of rocks (usually of the crack cocaine variety), "But I think it's a Mareep."
Dexter agrees, informing them that Mareep, the Wool Pokemon, Mareep store static electricity in, their woolly coats, they avoid battles, and have, mild, dispositions.
"But Dexter didn't say how cute they are!" gurgles Misty with brainwashed, broken-minded excitement.
Suddenly Mareep charges, making a keening, 'RIEEEE!' noise that is far too reminiscent of Butterfree for our liking. It stomps towards them, 'RIEEEEing' in excitement, mouth gaping open in a moronic grin, dead eyes glazed over with stupid, instinctual lust, face flushed with excitement as it gets closer and closer.
"IT DOESN'T LOOK SO MILD TO ME!" screams Ash girlishly as he and the others dive aside, getting out of the Mareep's path. It crashes hard into Pikachu, knocking the little French Rodent down to the ground as it rieeee's with excitement, pressing their bodies close together, demanding Pikachu give it what it wants.
Pikachu - being French - is more used to being the sexual harasser than the sexual harassee, and reacts in terror, blasting Mareep with a huge blast of electrical energy.
"RIE! RIE!" moans Mareep, it's body bulging and swelling as Pikachu zaps it.
"It got bigger!" exclaims Ash, who has yet the suffer the indignities and shocking messes of puberty and doesn't understand what has just happened.
Brock's grin is huge, he knows what has just happened, but he tries to explain it in purely scientific terms so as not to terrify Ash and make Misty giggle..... while Pikachu just stares in miserable confusion at the panting, flushed, sated Mareep.
EWWWWW! This is too gross so far, but it's only gonna get worse!
"I see," Brock lies, "It used Pikachu's electricity to puff up it's fleece!"
Puffing the fleece, is that what the kids are calling it nowadays, Brock?
"Like a hairdryer?" asks Misty, but before she can be answered the local Gangbangers association of Mareep's come charging in. They fly past the twerps and ram into Pikachu, surrounding the poor little abused rodent and rieeeeing madly as Pikachu tries desperately to escape their sexual clutches.
Ash, in an incredibly dodgy scene, runs up behind a Mareep and presses against it, all we are able to see are his hands moving backwards and forwards as he cries out for them to stop, stop.
"STOP!" cries a little girl as the rapists fleece puffs up higher and higher, "Leave that Pikachu alone, you all know better than to gang up on a Pokemon like that! Now leave it alone!"
EWW EWW EWWWWW! THIS IS SOME SICK SHIT RIGHT HERE!
AND IT GETS WORSE!
The little girl runs up behind the excited, rieeeeing Mareep and grabs one from behind, making a vague humping gesture as she tells them that Pikachu isn't for them and they should stop it, cut it out, stop it and so-forth and so-on.
The first Mareep, sated, does pull away, but the rest continue to vacantly, stupidly try to have their wicked way with poor widdle Pikachu, who is desperately trying to wriggle free.
The Mareep the little girl is clutching hold of from behind can't take it as well as it gives it out and it knocks her away with it's yellow and black striped tail, knocking the little girl hard to the ground as a confused, bewildered and beflummoxed Ash, Misty and Brock look on.
"Are you all right, little girl?" asks Ash.
"Why won't they listen to me, Fluffy?" moans the little girl to the first Mareep to get it's rocks off with Pikachu.
Because they're horny, little girl.
"MARY!" roars a booming voice, and everyone turns to stare at the originator of this fury, even the empty-headed, lustful Mareep trying to get their kicks from Pikachu.
A woman stands beside a Raichu on a hill, looking all dramatic and everything as she snaps at her Raichu to shower the Mareep with a Thundershock.
It does so, pouring electric energy all over the hillside which the eager, brainless Mareep dance around in, puffing their fleece up in a display not meant for the eyes of children, enjoying a dance of auto-erotic pleasure.
"That's enough, Raichu," mumbles Mary's mother who, as a female living in hill country, knows all about how to stroke and satisfy brainless males sexual needs in order to get what you want out of them.
Riachu turns off the juice and, at Mary's mother's direction, herds them back towards their farm. Like most males, The Mareep are calm, stupid and easy to control following getting their rocks off, and they move in perfect unison along a straight line away.
Misty is impressed by this - both as a woman AND as the host of a vile, egg-type leech thingy that wants to take over the world - and notes what discipline Mary's mother is able to exhibit, while Ash hugs a shocked and dishevelled Pikachu eager to be comforted.
Mary's Mother (MM) directs Mary to head home as well, but before that happens Fluffy rubs it's nose up and down against the 5 year olds bottom.
Okay we're moving beyond freaky into sick now.
Back at the house, Pikachu is sitting in Ash's lap...
....
....
Feggit it, we ain't going there!
So Pikachu is sitting in Ash's lap as MM apologises to Ash, explaining that when Mareep get that feeling, they need a, sexual healing.
Ash fobs it off with a laugh, saying that everything is going to be all right, which is easy for him to say since he wasn't just gangraped by some horny Mareep.
"Everything works just like before!" he laughs, pumping his hands in the air and throwing a whole new light on the Ash/Pikachu relationship.
No wonder Chikorita is so jealous!
"OH MISTY!" moans a gaping Brock, looking a bit like a Mareep himself, "Why couldn't she be ten years younger!"
"Oh boy," mutters Misty.
Mary explains that she only took her eyes off of the Mareep for a second, but MM is having none of it and easily sees through the excuse, guessing that Mary was actually daydreaming about the festival.
The festival? Well that piques Ash's interest immediately and he asks what up with that, and MM explains.
It seems that The Mareep in this valley are famed the whole world over for the fineness of their wool (as always the truth is hidden by the capitalists willing to make money at any cost, and no mention of the sexual perversions used to get this wool are made to the local media, of course) and so, every year a festival...
At this point Misty interrupts to show what a know-it-all she is, guessing that the festival is held to celebrate The Mareep.
Wow, real happening town huh? The highlight of every year is a festival to celebrate sheep.
So every year everybody gets into a real tizzy about Mareep judging contests and Pokemon battles and....
And that's all Ash needs to hear to get him all excited and eager, until MM explains that only people who live in the Valley can enter the Festival, which is enough to make Ash fall face first into the table.
So, not only is this Valley a capitalist haven and a den of iniquity, it's also an elitist society as well.
Mary begs to be allowed to enter the Pokemon Battles this year but her mother rightly refuses, explaining that she's too young, too little, too ugly and besides, if she can't control her Mareep when they're grazing out on the farm, how can she be expected to hold her own in a Pokemon battle.
Mary complains, as all little brats must, but MM is having none of it and orders her to her bedroom, telling her that there is too much to be done on the farm during the next five days before the Festival for her to be even thinking about Pokemon Battles.
A gaping, excited Brock eagerly leaps up at this point and humbly volunteers their services for the good of the farm, much to Ash and Misty's shock.... although the fiery little red-head seems more concerned with Brock calling himself humble than being roped into five days backbreaking labour on a farm for Gang-raping Mareep.
But hey, her prerogative.
And so for the next five days Ash does his Heidi routine, leaping Mareep up a mountain, Pikachu engaging in acts of crude physical comedy for the enjoyment of the Frenchman in all of us. It rides up hills on the back of Mareep's, chases stray Mareep's up hills and flees in terror from Raichu as it leads horny Mareep on by running up a hill leaving a stream of electricity behind it.
Gradually Pikachu gets the hang of this whole 'using the promise of sex to make money' thing and becomes an expert at herding the Mareep, with a little help from Raichu of course!
What an odd place to put an exclamation mark.
As the two electric rodents leading the Mareep on, Brock sticks a probe up one Mareep's butt as MM gets a power reading off of it, while Ash and Misty stroke a Mareep and look confused at it's reaction, and Mary strokes Fluffy and makes it Rieeee with pleasure.
Okay, we're moving beyond sick into surreal now.
As all this happens, a certain trio of so-called villains watches on, our beloved Team Rocket watching the crazy antics of the sex farm through their binoculars. James counts off the Mareep.
"One Mareep, Two Mareep, Three Mareep, Four Mareep, Five Mareep.... ZZZZZZZZ"
"Hey, wake up!" snaps Meowth as James falls into a happy slumber, but Jesse tells the angry Scratch-Cat to forget James, as she contemplates the riches they'll make if they can steal the Mareep and get their wool.
It seems that Mareep wool is incredibly expensive, and that any clothing made from it is far out of their price range... well, nearly all of them, as a newly awakened James recounts happily his childhood days, when practically every stitch of clothing he owned was made from Mareep Wool. Socks, sweaters, unmentionables, everything was made of Mareep Wool!
"HUH!?!" gasp Jesse and Meowth together as happy James thinks back to those bygone days, when he was so innocent he still considered underwear to be unmentionable!
"It was... like heaven," coos James as we are treated to an image of him as an ecstatic lad, dressed in, as he puts it, snug little Mareep wool shorts, cute little Mareep wool mittens, a scarf of course and the most adorable Mareep Wool stocking cap you've ever seen!
Okay, we've gone beyond surreal, we're through the looking glass here people!
"My school-mates were so envious they beat me nearly every day!" laughs James, before realising that wasn't such a pleasant memory, he comes back to reality as an angry Jesse and Meowth (who both grew up in poverty) look on,"You weren't so fortunate, were you?" James asks them.
"NO!" they grumble, then all three turn around.
"Let's figure out how to fleece those Mareep!" snaps Jesse.
"Yeah!" they all agree.
Back on the farm, Mary is still getting in a little surreptious Pokemon training, ordering her Mareep to use a Thundershock Attack, which the compliant little sex fiend does.
It blasts a nearby dummy Mary has set-up and she's quite pleased with the result, but unknown to her Ash is watching, along with Pikachu.
He compliments her on her Mareep's Thundershock and asks if it learnt it by itself, but she explains how she's been training it since it was tiny.
Ash, having about half the memory span of your average retarded goldfish, then asks if the Mareep has a name, and Mary tells him once again that it's Fluffy, which he thinks is a great name for a Mareep.
Yeah Ash, what are you going to call your dog, Fido? And maybe have a cat called Whiskers? Or a whale called Shamu?
Schmuck.
A somewhat hesitant Mary then asks if Ash would be willing to do something for her, and given the perverted nature of this episode so far the Dodgemasters are about to ring the FBI and warn them about 4Kids paedophilia problems, but we're proven wrong when Mary just asks for the opportunity to battle Ash's Pikachu with her Fluffy, as they have as yet to have a Pokemon battle.
As mentioned earlier, Ash's memory span is not the best, and he completely forgets MM's admonition to Mary not to fight, agreeing instantly and letting Pikachu do battle with it's rapist.
The battle starts with a couple of quick passes (not those kind of passes, honeychile) as they try to ascertain each other's speed and agility, then Mary calls for Mareep to use a Headbutt on Pikachu, who only barely dodges in time.
"Good work Fluffy!" cries Mary, "Now use your Growl Attack!"
"RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" screams The Mareep, using that same maddening whine that Butterfree once cursed us with, sending Pikachu flying. It bumps along the ground in pain as Ash calls out in a panic, and Mary takes the chance given to order Fluffy to use it's Speed-Star Attack (Swift) to try and take out Pikachu, who only barely dodges again.
Pressing her advantage, Mary orders Fluffy to use it's Thundershock Attack and Ash reciprocates, calling for Pikachu to do the same, and the two war back and forth with their respective Thundershocks, their energy pushing against each each other.
Ash watches angrily as Pikachu begins to slip back and lose the battle, and he calls for it to shut down it's attack and back off to avoid Fluffy's attack.
An excited Mary can smell victory in the air and calls for Fluffy to chase Pikachu down and knock it out, calling for it to pour on the juice.
Fluffy charges, but is undone by the lamest ending to a battle ever as it trips and crashes hard into it's face, knocking itself out and losing.
Mary skids up beside it as Ash kneels down and offers sage advice, telling Mary that Fluffy had used up all of it's energy with it's Thundershock Attack and that's what knocked it out. He goes on to offer her all kinds of advice about how to battle and when to place your Pokemon's wellbeing above victory and always remember they love to battle only because they love their trainers and a whole lot of other P.C Bullshit that is all nothing but a cover for the fact that Ash Ketchum - experienced Pokemon Trainer, runner-up in The Indigo League, Winner of The Orange League, Saviour of The World, The Chosen One, Trainer of The Mighty Charizard and holder of the heart of the sweet, sweet Misty - nearly got his ass handed to him on a stick by a five year old girl and a little Sheep-Type Pokemon called Fluffy.
....
HA!
"Wow," wows Mary, too young to know better, "You know everything!"
Ash is embarrassed by this and insists that he just made all the right mistakes, he hardly knows anything at all.
Pikachu readily agrees to this, much to Ash's chagrin, but we all knows it's true, what Ash don't know could fill the Universe, and in fact what Ash DOES know makes up the majority of the Universe.
Nothing!
That night, Mary's Mother appears to be making preparations for an Adults Only evening, pulling out the Fondue Set and all....
Dodgemaster's Note : For those of you born after the mid-eighties or brought up in families that consider Full House too edgy for the kids, a fondue set was often used in the Seventies at Swingers Parties, which usually ended up in massive bisexual orgies.
.... and Misty jokes that the food looks too good to eat, although MM suggests that food is meant to be eaten, not watched.
As Brock gets into the swing of things and calls for some potatoes, MM heads upstairs to find Mary, but finds her room empty.
Up on the roof, Mary has fallen for Ash's BS hook, line and sinker and crushed her dreams, her hopes and her spirit. She now truly believes that she's not ready to be a Pokemon Trainer and thinks it is all her fault that she lost, and not a random twist of fate which saved Ash's ass.
MM stands at the window, listening to Mary apologise to Fluffy and tell her that maybe they can enter The Festival next year.
MM, like so many other parents, mistakes the crushing of a youth's spirit as a sign of maturity and smiles, but God, Yahweh, Allah, Mohammed, Mother Nature, Santa Claus whoever you believe in, is angered by Ash's evil influence and a storm begins to brew.
Later that night a wind blows, clouds form, a Hoot-Hoot goes flapping wildly past the camera, and inside MM sets the mood with a little gaslight that wakes up Misty, Brock and Ash.
"Is something the matter?" asks Brock at MM's businesslike, brusque manner.
"I'm really sorry to wake you up," she apologises, "But we really need your help."
The twerps head out to help out, leaving behind a slumbering Togepi which uncharacteristically lets Misty get away, although we suspect it's shamming to avoid facing Mother Nature's fury yet again, knowing all too well that the Universe wants the abomination dead.
Note : Brock wears his vest to bed!
Raichu leads The Mareep, MM, Mary and the Twerps up towards a high point, right to the edge of a cliff-top. Yes, it seems the capitalists in this valley have turned even nature's fury into a profit making venture, as the electrical storms are often used to pump up The Mareep's and make their fleece puffier and fluffier.
Raichu leads them to the edge, sparks out a little bit of energy to get their attention then retreats with MM and Mary to hide with the twerps behind a conveniently large rock.
The Mareep whine and moan lustfully for some of that good, good electricity to help get them off and Mother Nature provides, blasting them with lightning that seems them into a heady wave of ecstasy.
The spin and twist happily, their fleece puffing and a fluffing in direct correlation with the power of the lightning bolts that hit them. One particularly excited Mareep stands up on it's hind legs and exposes it's underbelly and crotch to Ash, although the camera pulls away before it can pan down over the latter.
"Wow, look at that," whispers Ash, with all the awed confusion of any pre-pubescent boy faced with something sexual.
"Fluffy," coos Mary, although it's probably more likely in reference to her own Mareep rather than the shape and consistency of a Mareep's pubic hair.
The storm, realising that Togepi isn't there and that all that is being gained from it's fury is profit for capitalists and not a lesson to Ash for crushing a childs spirit, dissipates leaving the freakishly distorted Mareep crooning in post-coital pleasure, their fleeces throbbing and sparkling with sexual energy.
But the danger is far from over, the storm may be gone but Team Rocket is not, and a quick throw of a net later sees The Mareep captured and Team Rocket one step closer to riches.
"What's happening!?!" cries Mary.
"Who.... are they!" stammers Mary's Mother eventually.
"HAHAHA!" laugh Jesse and James together as the camera pans over the net full of Mareep, past the rope lifting them off the ground to the silhouette of The Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon, decked with Christmas lights around the edges.
"Prepare for trouble!" laughs Jesse,"And bully for us!"
"Make it double!" adds James,"Now it's woolly for us!"
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"Meowth, that's right!"
All three members of Team Rocket are wearing the COOLEST Mareep Wool-lined Trench-coats and look totally awesome, we're pleased to note, and although Meowth looks a little weird Jesse and James are truly two of the hottest villains you're ever likely to meet!
"Isn't it way past your bedtime, twerp!" laughs Jesse to Ash as he stares at her angrily.
"NO!" growls Ash, then adds a line that makes absolutely no sense at all, "But it may be too late for you!"
Yeah, ummm, okay.
"Pikachu," he continues,"Thundershock them!"
Before Pikachu can do this, however, Jesse grabs it with an extendible claw and pulls the little French Rodent into a cage, locking the key laughing,"That was easy."
Unfortunately, by a bizarre act of bad animation, Team Rocket have lost their trench-coats, but irregardless of that they've won the day and it's time to go free.
"We'll save you!" promises Ash as MM calls for Raichu to hit Team Rocket with a Thundershock, but this is playing right into their hands, as the electric blast hits an energy panel in the side of their basket and fires up their Christmas lights.
Jesse poses and tells us all that lights like this are very flattering, although Meowth appears to think they would be more so if they were off.
Ah well, can't really blame Meowth for not being attracted to Jesse. She's too tall, has no fur, her ears don't stick out, she has no whiskers, can't lick her own genitals and only has two boobs, what's to like!
MM tells Raichu to keep pouring on the juice, which just pumps up Team Rocket's balloon. The 'villains' laugh at this piss-poor effort, claiming it'll take more than what Raichu has to short-circuit their balloon, although they may have spoken too soon, since their energy panel explodes and all their lights short-circuit, setting the Happy Huddha Face Meowth Balloon on fire.
Strangely the laws of physics are put on hold temporarily, as the sudden burst of flame should have given the balloon a massive, but short lived, boost up into the air before bringing them down. Instead, the balloon plummets hard into the snow, releasing the Mareep who form a landing pad for Pikachu's cage to land on.
Ash somehow manages to take the credit for this, even though all he did was stand still, then he and the others charge down to the crash site while MM supports a drained, exhausted Raichu.
Down at the crash-site, a furious Jesse is all ready for a battle, while James is more concerned with the fact that his pants are on fire and he's in danger of singing those delicious cheeks of his. He forgets this momentarily, though, when Jesse sends out Arbok, which of course prompts him to pull out Weezing.
After all, this show does have a quota of at least one Pokemon Abomination per episode, and if Togepi isn't here Weezing will have to fill in.
They charge to attack but are stopped by the assembled Mareep's Growl Attack, which is followed up by a Thundershock Attack.
Unfortunately for them, Meowth has a energy panel which both absorbs and reflects electrical energy, so The Mareep's attack is turned back on them and they begin to buckle under the pressure, unable to handle the same abuse they previously gave out to Pikachu.
Fluffy leaps forward though, and cries out RIEEEE to Mary, who doesn't understand. It clarifying by saying RIEEE RIEEE RIEEEEE which makes much more sense, obviously, as it leads to the obligatory gasping of a Trainer and confident nod of a Pokemon. As Ash hammers at the lock on Pikachu's cage with a rock, Mary turns and yells up at her mother on the cliff-top to direct the other Mareep's Thundershocks onto Fluffy, who absorbs the excess energy with delight. It's sexual gratification complete, it blasts it's load into Team Rocket, joined by a now free Pikachu as Ash finally break it free, sending them blasting off again.
The imagery there was just a little too.... ewwww.... for us.
And thus the day is saved and Mary's Mother looks down at her daughter with the pride and respect the little five year so clearly deserves for taking her battle strategy directly from a sex obsessed sheep.
The next day an excited Mary is handed a Pokeball by her Mother, who gives her permission to enter a Pokemon Battle.
Mary can't believe it, she really gets to enter the festival!
"We'll be rooting for you," Ash assures her, perhaps one of the dodgier lines we'll ever hear from him.
Mary thanks him and thanks her Mummy, and the next time we see the little girl, she and her Fluffy are standing in a MASSIVE Pokemon Stadium (especially for such an elite group of people in such a small little Valley Community) facing off against an unseen opponent. For some bizarre reason Misty says, "Go, girl," and after we've finished puking we hear the others offering their own encouragement to Mary as she throws out her Pokeball. Given that she only has one Pokemon, she's only had one battle and her Pokemon is only good against electric types, it's no surprise that the episode cuts off before the battle begins.
After all, when all is said and done and the fake moralistic bullshit about the size of your heart being important has been spouted, one thing remains true.
Nobody wants to see a little girl get the shit kicked out of her and run crying home to Momma.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "Oh Misty, why couldn't she be 10 years younger!"
 "My school mates were so envious they beat me nearly everyday"
 "I just make the right mistakes. I hardly know anything"
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