131: Charizard's Burning Ambition
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Children laughed and skipped and played and hugged and battled the tyranny of drug abuse with clear hearts and glinting teeth, secure in the knowledge that no matter how bad things got or how deadly the schemes of the Republicans, Koffing would always be there and he would always be happy.
Then, one dark day, in the name of commercialism and a desire to sell more revenue, the evil forces behind the Nintendo Entertainment Corporation - or NEC - decided to create a nasty little monstrosity known as The Theory Of Induced Evolution.
And thus was born a red raw abortion, slouching towards Babylon to be born with grim determination. The ultimate bastardisation of the greatest, happiest Pokemon of all time - Koffing - replaced for evermore by this vile abomination, this monstrosity.
This Weezing!
For a time the world knew despair and The Republicans cackled with evil glee, but then came a new hope as the once cute, cuddly Pokemon known as Charmander evolved and evolved again to become the Mighty Dragon of might known as Charizard!
Charizard bestrode the world like a colossus, destroying all in it's path, vanquishing mighty opponent after mighty opponent. Nothing was ever too much for the Mighty Dragon, who defeated World Champion Poliwrath's, mighty Magmar's (living in THE VERY HEART OF THE VOLCANO ITSELF!), held back Arbo-Tanks, went toe to toe with ugly-ass Dragonite's (and would have won, too, if not for being forced into a battle earlier) and defeated Team Rocket scheme after Team Rocket scheme with ease.
And the children, knowing that the mighty Charizard was there, felt secure again.
Now to all good things must come an end, and given Ash's predilection for giving away his Pokemon, surely Charizard's days were numbered in any case.
After all, where is the fun in watching Pokemon if you know Ash can't lose. Every time he's in trouble, he just calls out Charizard and it wins the day for him.
So yes, Charizard had to go, and the children of the world could accept that, after all, it isn't like the character would be bastardised forever and ever (ala the poor, joyful Koffing) by having them make out that, say, Charizard was weak or some other such bullshit.
I mean, they wouldn't do something that evil, would they? Surely not even the Republicans themselves are that evil?
Oh hell, what are we saying, of course they are!
And thus :
Charizard's Burning Ambition.
We find the twerps trudging along dejectedly, tired of always walking everywhere, wishing they were old enough to have drivers licenses. Pikachu, of course, can't understand what the problem is, after all, it's cute little footsies remain virginal and untouched by the cruel embrace of the dirt road as it rides happily along on the top of Ash's head. Ash wishes wistfully that he had as many badges as blisters, but as Misty wisely points out, you can't expect to win many badges when most of your fights are against Team Rocket.
Speaking of Pokemon's real heroes, where are they?
THERE!
"Dere dey are," agrees Meowth, watching the twerps via binoculars from the top of a large rock pillar some distance away. Kneeling behind him as always are those paragons of fashion, Jesse and James, "Looks like we're finally wearing dem down!"
"Course, it wouldn't mean much if they gave out badges for beating those pathetic losers," Misty notes with a sigh. "Guess that's kinda true," mumbles Ash.
"You're right" groans Brock.
Well how's that for bitchiness!
"I agree," mutters Jesse, unfortunately. "So do I," mumbles a dejected James, brought down low by this whole villain schtick he's found himself typecast into.
"WELL WHATTA WE WAITING FOR DEN!?!" roars Meowth angrily, thrusting his face into camera, making it pull back in fright. "Meowth," sighs Jesse, "Maybe we should pick on somebody else for a change?"
But Meowth is having none of it, furiously screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOO! We got the brains, and the noiv! to beat'em!"
"We do have a lot of nerve," agrees James, then raises his hands and looks at them with the wonder of a speed freak, "But the twerps have got a lot more Pokemon."
He counts them off, dropping a finger for each one as he counts upwards. As he does so, the camera pans over a group shot of happy Twerp Pokemon, including a cute Poliwag, Mighty Charizard, Sexually Perverted Heracross, tough-as-nails Bulbasaur, French Pikachu, Ash-Obsessed Chikorita, Homophobic Squirtle, Hungry Snorlax, Vile Energy Leech Togepi, Useless Vulpix, Confused Psyduck, legless Geodude, do-nothing Zubat, swimming Goldeen, spinning Staryu and Ga-Rooooaring Onyx.
"And what have we got?" asks Jesse sadly, as the camera pans over a shot of Team Rocket's Pokemon. The deadly Arbok, slurping Lickitung, James Gobbling Victreebell, street-wise Meowth and vile, horrid, red-raw abortion that is the abomination known as Weezing.
"A fraction of their line-up," sighs Jesse, "Even with Meowth."
Meowth hangs his head in shame as a depressed James adds on,"Even if we did have as many as they do.... they still have that Charizard!" "How can we win against something so big? So scary?" asks Jesse angrily.
Yes gentle Dodgers, Charizard is indeed mighty, as Team Rocket themselves will attest. Most feared of all Pokemon, his deadly might will crush all opponents in his path but one.
Ash's stupidity.
As Team Rocket sigh, they remember the beatings that Charizard has handed out in the past. We see The Mighty Dragon soaring high into the air, twisting and turning before flying straight into camera and filling it with fire from his open mouth.
"Wot would da Boss say if he knew we wuz scared of Charizard?" moans Meowth, as the image of Charizard fades to show Team Rocket grey and ashen, eyes wide in surprise.
"I know exactly what he'd say," gasps Jesse, blowing out smoke. "Me too," mumbles James.
"He'd say," starts Meowth, and together they all finish it off, screaming into the camera like a Japanese Game Show Host, "YOU'RE FIRED!"
Meanwhile Ash is trying to prove himself to his girlfriend, telling Misty that he can beat lots of other opponents apart from Team Rocket, especially with Pikachu at this side.... or in this case, on his head.
Plus, when things get tough, he can always call out Charizard! AHA! You see! When things get tough, the tough get Charizard! Just as Brock himself notes to Ash.
But, as Misty notes, Ash uses Charizard all the time, including against opponents as fearsome as the mighty
Ash doesn't get it, as always, but Brock does note that, since almost no Pokemon stands a chance against Charizard, using him is pretty unfair.
Hear that, friendly friends, almost no Pokemon stands a chance against The Mighty Charizard.
Remember all this, it'll be important later.
Ash however, doesn't see things this way and claims that it is fair (as he would, given the advantage goes to him) but from far away, standing on the rock pillar, Team Rocket scream angrily, "NO FAIR!" which, of course, echoes it's way across the mountains.
FAIR.... FAIR.... FAIR.... Fair........ fair.
Ash draws up, confused as always.
"Hey?" he asks the others, "What was that?"
"Must be an echo in this canyon," suggests Brock, "Listen how it answers when I yell."
He turns to face the surrounding mountains, cups his hands before his mouth and yells, "HELLO!"
Immediately the echoes begin, returning with HELLO... HELLO... HELLO.....
"Hear that?" asks Brock, pleased as punch, while Misty and Togepi share identical expressions of confusion as to why making an echo appeals so much to Brock.
"I think I liked your echo better than the first one," mumbles Ash, who obviously doesn't take too kindly to hearing his voice sound like Jesse, James AND Meowth.
"So do I!" squeaks a high pitched ladies voice, "And hello to you, too!"
Ash turns with a, "Hmmm?" and his gaze travels up the mountain to reveal a young lady posing bravely. Dressed in skin tight red leather and showing a WHOLE LOTTA leg, the green haired beauty holds a small stick by her side for aesthetic appeal, "I couldn't be sure, but it sounds like the first voice was saying No Fair."
"Oooh that couldn't have been what they were saying, miss!" Hwaaa's Brock, running forward and clutching his hands together against his cheek, "Because you're very fair! You're the fairest of them all!"
"Well," mutters the girl irritably, "That's very nice of you to say I suppose, but I'm sure I heard three voices yelling something else!"
Bitch.
"You can hear things in these canyons for miles," she explains to them, "Because of the echoes, here, I'll show you what I mean."
"Oh Charla!" she cries, turning away, he voice echoing back through the canyons Oh Charla! Oh Charla!
Massive gout of flame emerges from behind a mountain, startling the far distant Team Rocket. Meowth suggests that James look in his Pokemon Guide, which Brock is doing at this very moment.
Apparently, the Charicific Valley Natural Reserve is a well known Charizard Habitat that is officially off-limits to tourists.
"My names Leeza," the chick in the skimpy red leather explains to Ash, "I train Charizard."
"Wow!" gasps Ash, too young and stupid to be impressed by the tight little outfit she's wearing, but mightily impressed by the thought of a Charizard Trainer, "That's cool!"
"You oughta know," she says as she bends over (and Brock secretly wishes he was behind her), "You have a Charizard, dontya?"
"Yeah, how did you know?" asks Ash.
Leeza proceeds to sniff Ash, which is only moderately disturbing, before informing him that, while a Charizard scent is subtle, but unmistakable."
"Uhhhhh," uhhhhh's Ash, a little taken aback by the extremely strange woman.
She straightens up and we finally see why Brock chooses to squint his eyes all the time, because it means no one can tell when he's checking out a girls breasts! Which he's obviously doing right now!
Leeza explains that she's recently heard of the overthrow of Evil Falconer's Evil Empire Of Evil, and she's been interested in meeting the Trainer of The Charizard which overthrew such a wicked Warlord. She then makes Ash an offer which will live in the annals of Dodginicity for all time.
"Would you like to come into The Charicific Valley with me?"
...
Hehe.
Ash really isn't sure how to respond to such blatant advances, more used to the cat and mouse parrying of deadly insults, physical violence and kicks to the nads which have accompanied his love affair with Misty.
Brock, however, saves the day by zooming up beside Ash, grabbing him around the shoulders and assuring Leeza, "We'd all be delights to come! Right Ash!?"
Delighted to come.
....
Hehe squared.
"Uhh," gasps Ash, and then off-screen Brock appears to grab his nads and squeeze them, causing Ash to visibly lift, blanch, cross his eyes and quickly agree to Brock's demand.
After all, he's stupid, not brain-dead.
Excited paedophile that she is, Leeza calls dramatically for Charla once again, and a huge dragon swoops down with a roar, massive wings beating and flames trailing for it's mouth. Truly a terrifying image if not for the.... pink bow, cupid-heart logoed rocket balloon and basket attached to her tail and groceries!
Charla's a House-Charizard!
Leeza tells Misty and Brock to get in the basket as she leaps onto Charla's back. Brock is upset, as he was expecting to get to ogle her ass some more, and Misty is a little offended at being asked to ride in back with the groceries.... but Ash hasn't been offered a ride at all!
Leeza explains that there isn't enough room, but that shouldn't be a problem since he can just fly his own Charizard!
She takes off and a confused Ash calls out, "HOW DO I DO THAT?"
"You mean to tell me you're a Charizard Trainer and you've never flown your Charizard?"
"I've been busy," mumbles Ash, embarrassed. He's also extremely stupid, as we know too well, and has forgotten that he has in fact flown on his Charizard once before, following the defeat of a World Champion Poliwrath.
But in typical Ash fashion he decides to hell with it and just tosses out Charizard, proclaiming, "How hard can it be?"
Oh Ash, you poor, stupid, sexless fool.
The Mighty Dragon emerges, roaring his defiance at the world, huge legs flexed and ready to bound into the air at any moment, to battle, to glory, to VICTORY!
Ahem, yes.
"Charizard," says Ash, stepping forward with a hopeful look on his face, "I need you to give me a ride."
"ROAR?" gasps Charizard in surprise, then shakes his head in a firm no.
"It won't let him ride?" gasps Leeza, watching from Charla's back as they fly away very, very, very, very slowly.
Charla laughs at that, forgetting for the moment that she has a bow on her head and is dragging a cupid-heart logoed rocket balloon full of groceries behind her.
"What's wrong there!" she calls back, "Ash too heavy for ya!"
Big mistake lady.
Charizard's eyes narrow angrily and it turns to glare at Leeza and the fine piece of Charla ass she's riding. Grunting irritably, it motions for Ash to get on it's back and he happily leaps on. Charizard then slams forward at breakneck speed and lifts off, leaving Ash sitting on a sore ass.
"Charizard," he groans, "What about me?"
A smug Charizard turns to look and it's eyes widen as it realises the stupid little boy has fallen off.
Soon he's back on though, and holding on for dear life as Charizard struggles to balance him on his back (why? He did so with ease the last time he gave Ash a ride).
Misty watches with embarrassment, then yells to Leeza that her Charizard is amazing.
It seems that Leeza's short range hearing isn't quite as good as her long range, as she pulls out a cell-phone and hits a button which sets the phone in the basket to ringing.
After leaping up with the superstitious fright of a barbarian, Misty lifts the phone and continues her conversation with Leeza.
Leeza explains to Misty that all of the Charizard in the valley are wild and rarely see humans. But humans are always attempting to see or capture them, so Leeza's job is to watch out for Poachers.
Misty, who hasn't really trusted the green-haired, leather clad drama queen since she so blatantly came on to Ash, instantly goes on the defensive, demanding to know is Leeza is taking them to jail because she thinks they're poachers.
Leeza quickly assures Misty this isn't the case, and moments later Charizard drifts up beside them, Ash and Pikachu seated comfortably on his neck now.
"See, it's easy!" laughs Leeza, "Now follow me!"
Charla takes off with a rush and a laughing Ash gets ahead of himself, throwing one arm out and telling Charizard not to let them get away.
Charizard immediately zooms after them, then suddenly stops short, as if shocked by something, and begins falling down the deep canyon to the river below.
"AHHHH! CHARIZARD! STRAIGHTEN UP AND FLY RIGHT!" cries Ash in fear as they fall towards the water below.
Instead, Charizard flaps his wings wildly to get a little upward drift and frantically bounds from rock to rock, leaping forward and smashing through a forest, eyes wide in shock as it tries to throw off whatever the hell just came over it, pitching down deep into the canyon once again.
Meanwhile, our favourite trio skidding down the side of the rock-face.
"Too bad we didn't think of this earlier!" gushes Jesse happily, sliding down the side of the mountain, "At this rate we'll be in the Charicific Valley in no time!"
"And once we get down there we'll select a Charizard of our very own!" laughs James.
"Why settle for one when we can steal ten or twenty or maybe even a hundred while we're at it!" giggles Meowth.
"Meowth!" laughs Jesse, "For once I'm inclined to agree with you, let's GET EM!"
They slide down further, apparently on sleds of some kind, but it's not all downhill from here and they quickly hit a slope, flying up into the air in a panic.
Before we can see what happened to our Beloved Team Rocket, however, we cut back to Charla, flying free as a bird.... a bird with a bow and a basket and a balloon attached that is.
They arrive at the entrance to The Charicific Valley, a magnificent place. The river leading to it is flanked by natural rock statues of mighty Charizards, and two Charizards gripping claws are sculpted into the rock surrounding the doorway to the valley. The face of the cliff making up one wall of the valley is shaped like a Charizard in flight, and as Leeza explains, the greatest Charizard's of all time come from this Valley, where they are naturally trained.
Naturally trained? Yes it seems that inside the Valley is not the pristine zone imagined, but rather one where Charizard battles Charizard forever and a day, pitching their skills and strengths against their own kind and becoming stronger, faster, better for it.
Kind of like prison, really.
"The same Pokemon with the same goal!" gasps Brock, a tear in one squinty eye, "All working together! Striving for perfection! Straining and training to be the best they can be!"
Sounds disturbingly like The Borg, actually.
"That sounds a little too intense for Ash's Charizard!" giggles Misty which...
WHAT?
Charizard thinks of itself (and rightly so) as the greatest and most powerful Pokemon of all time. It can't resist battling to prove it's superiority and nothing pleases it more than a good fight.
It sounds exactly like Ash's Charizard! You foolish, mind-leech controlled wench!
As for Togepi, there is a look of rapt wonder on it's face as it considers the massive power held behind those doors, power that could be it's for the taking!
"Yes it did seem to be having problems getting here, didn't it," mutters Leeza, bravely bad-mouthing Charizard while it isn't around to whip her leather-wrapped ass.
"WHAT PROBLEMS!" laughs Ash, shocking the smug little green-haired bitch-woman, who thought she was safe to make snippy comments.
"That's Ash!" laughs Misty happily, heart skipping a beat as she sees her boyfriend approach.
Uhhh, what's with Charizard?
The Might Dragon has run his way to the Valley, panting hard for breath, eyes wide with some kind of shock. It's still unclear what the hell happened to it back there, as it seemed to lose it for no apparent reason whatsoever, but Ash is more than ready to defend his most powerful Pokemon. Sure they didn't fly, but he and Charizard do things their own way!
"Chill out," mutters Misty, who doesn't really get off on the macho thing, "Why are you acting so tough?"
"I DON'T HAVE TO ACT TOUGH!" scream Ash like a little kid, which he is, hiding his emotions and hurt behind fury, "I AM TOUGH!"
Yeah, you and the cute, cuddly little yellow rodent on your back, right Ash?
"And so is Charizard!" Ash continues, getting the panting Dragon's attention, "And we've got the power to prove it!"
Instantly Charizard is back to full health, throwing back his head and letting loose a roar of fury as he emits a gout of massive flame above his head.
Charla scratches her eyeball sarcastically, then mutters that only weak Charizard show off like that.
Oh yes, my darling? Do you recall how we first met Charla? You called her and she blasted the sky with gouts of flame, just as Charizard is doing now? Have you forgotten that, my little friend, or does it not fit in with your smug little, cutting comments about how superior your isolated Pokemon are. Sure it's easy to be tough when you live in a valley without any other Pokemon or humans around to battle you, it must be nice to be King of The World when the world is the size of a small village.
Ash's Charizard has been out there darling, he's been out in the world and fought all kinds of Pokemon of varying types and differences, how would your precious Charla or any of your other isolated Pokemon fare against a Gengar or a Abra? How would they deal with the dig attack of a Arbok or the Fury Swipes of a Meowth? How do you beat the Bind of an Onyx or the Solar Beam of a Venusaur?
Charizard could beat them all, how would your isolated babies deal with the shock of fighting it out in the real world?
"If you don't mind me saying so," Leeza suggests, "It could use some serious training."
Oh so that's how it is, is it?
An hour ago you were all excited about meeting The Charizard that had destroyed and brought down Falconer's Evil Empire, now you think it's weak and needs extra training? Special Training that only YOU can give it? Hmmm?
Sounds like a scam to me, to shame young, impressionable trainers into handing over their strongest Pokemon so you can reap the benefits of all their hard work.
Luckily, thanks to Ash's mindlessly arrogant stubbornness, that won't happen without a fight.
"COMMENTS LIKE THAT BURN ME UP!" he yells as Pikachu quickly leaps off of his shoulder. Confused by his French Friends actions, he turns just in time to duck a huge burst of flame from the furious Charizard.
But he didn't duck enough, it seems, as his ass catches on fire and he charges in a panic down the steps and leaps into the river, completely ignoring cartoon comedy protocol and failing to scream out, "My biscuits are burning!"
"You better cool down, Ash!" Misty quips horribly.
"Pika," mutters Pikachu with a cock of it's head.
Ash storms angrily back up the stair, Misty and Brock having mysteriously reappeared next to Leeza. Charizard and Charla stand side by side, both wearing grim expressions as Leeza once again tries to convince the boy to just hand over his Pokemon.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHhhhhhaahhhhh-ahaha-ahahahahhh!" proclaims Ash, intelligently countering her argument, "Charizard and I made it here, that's all that counts!"
"Maybe that's what you think Ash," the nasty little bitch comments, trying to psyche him out, "But any Charizard should be able to make it to this Valley."
Yeah, what's up with that Leeza? We find it a little convenient that Charizard seemingly lost the ability to fly all of a sudden when he reached the general vicinity of The Valley. How did that happen? After all he was safely flying Ash right up until that point and then suddenly he just lost it, went crazy with shock and lost the ability to fly correctly.
Coincidence?
Or Conspiracy?
Charizard grunts roughly at Leeza's words as she explains that The Charizard in this Valley are a special breed and way beyond the level of Ash's own.
Ash is overly confident that his Charizard can defeat any of them, and instantly offers a challenge against Charla.
Suddenly Charla ain't so smug, there's no more sarcastic scratch of her eye or turn up of her nose. Suddenly she's sweating and glancing nervously at Charizard, which roars it's challenge at her, knowing that it can beat her.
Leeza loses her cool instantly and begs off, lamely explaining that Charla isn't a wild Pokemon and was trained by her since she was a Charmander.
Oh oh oh! Not so high and mighty now, are we, suddenly your little scam isn't going quite according to plan, is it, and you find yourself having to improvise. After all, if you know so much more about training Charizard's than Ash does, and given that Charla is much, much larger that Ash's own dragon, you shouldn't have a problem trouncing him and teaching the little boy a lesson.
But no, instead you beg off, and luckily for you Ash is stupid enough not to pursue it, instead demanding that Charizard be allowed to fight any other wild Charizard inside the Valley. With her scam back on track, Leeza gets all smug again and opens the doors to The Valley.
Inside HUGE Charizards are sleeping, fighting, eating fruit from trees and flying about.
One massive Charizard turns a scarred eye towards the newcomers, who are properly overawed by it all.
And well they should be, after all these are The Charizard Elite, trained since birth to fight their own kind and overcome. There isn't a trick these mighty Dragons don't know and, against another Charizard, they are undefeatable.
Which in no way negates Ash's Charizard's prowess. Whilst he might find it difficult to fight such powerful dragons, he has altogether more experience, spirit and intelligence than all of them. None of these other Charizard's have ever battled anything but themselves, none of them would last more than two rounds in a Pokemon League, none of them would be able to deal with the brutally diverse range of attacks over 300 other species of Pokemon could bring to bear against them.
A street-fighter could pound any of his fellow humans to dust in his own little district. On his own patch he's undefeatable, because he knows the layout, the tricks, the little key things that a stranger can never know.
But put that street-fighter in a Karate Tournament or a Kung-Fu Display, have him wrestle or box and you'll find him sadly out of his league and soon out for the count.
Yes, these Charizard are impressive.... but it's in their little corner of the world, on their own patch. Let's see them do what Ash's Charizard has done, and then they'll get our respect.
All this is lost on little boy Ash, however, whose only thought is of their size, "Wow, they're humungous!" "The Charizard here are a little bigger than most Wild Charizard," agrees Leeza. She spots one slightly smaller than the rest and immediately offers it as a challenge to Ash, telling him that if his Charizard can defeat this one, it might be able to make it in The Valley.
Ash eagerly agrees and his Charizard (who has peculiarly become almost Brock's height all of a sudden) stomps forward, taps it on the shoulder and blasts it's face with a Flame-Thrower.
"Woah! A sneak attack!" gasps Ash. The second Charizard growls angrily, opens it's mouth wide and sucks in the flames easily, much to Ash and Charizard's shock.
"Watch out," warns Leeza, smug little cow that she is, "The Charizard in this Valley don't appreciate sneak attacks."
It fries Ash's Charizard with a massive burst of flame and the shocked Dragon, still tired from the bizarre lethargy that came over it earlier, collapses.
"That was overkill!" growls Ash angrily. Leeza steps up with a happy little smile on her face, content that her scam is coming to fruition once again, "Well, I must admit it was a little bit over the top!"
The victorious Charizard grunts, turns and stomps away irritably, leaving Ash's Charizard behind and....
OUR BITCH AIN'T GOING DOWN LIKE THAT!
Yes, Charizard is up and it IS PISSED! The Mighty Dragon is furious at this cavalier treatment, Ash is ecstatic at it's recovery and Leeza is shocked, although she quickly wipes away the expression and pretends to still think it's weak.
"Well, it gets an A for effort," she tells him, even though effort starts with an E and the correct term would have been, "He gets an A for being such an Ass-Kicker."
Because yes, despite the bizarre (possibly chemically induced) lethargy that has overcome Charizard, the massive run it took to get Ash to The Valley and even the blast of flame it just received, Charizard is still up and looking for more.
Leeza looks around and quickly spots a massive sleeping Pokemon, and instantly tries to goad Ash into getting his Charizard to fight it.
"It looks pretty big," mutters Ash as his Charizard casts a baleful glare upon it's sleeping opponent.
"Just because a Charizard's big doesn't necessarily mean it's tough," lies Leeza, desperate to see Ash's obviously Mighty Dragon beaten so she can convince him to give it to her, "This Charizard happens to be the gentlest one in The Valley."
Ash asks Charizard if it wants to have a go and it's all for it, roaring at Gentle Charlie to wake the fuck up. It lifts it's neck tiredly and received a full blast of flame in it's face.
Not even blinking, it stands and turns, walking away.
"Look!" laughs Ash, not getting it as always, "It's running away!"
"The Charizard in this Valley never give up," contradicts Leeza, and then in blatant disregard of the so-called No Sneak Attacks rule Gentle Charlie slams Ash's Charizard with it's tail, knocking it into a nearby cliff-face.
"NO!" cries Ash, still hopefully that somehow his voice might be capable of changing the flow of time. He charges up to his fallen Dragon and asks it if it's all right.
"I think it's obvious your Charizard doesn't have the power to match The Charizard in this Valley," Leeza whispers devilishly in his ear, still trying to make him give up his Pokemon.
Charizard, following a face full of flame and blatant sneak attack, is still trying to get up however, not done with fighting just yet, it seems.
"I don't care Charizard," Ash tells his Dragon,"You'll always be the perfect Charizard for me, even if you're not as strong as some other Charizard are."
Charizard's eyes glint with anger, knowing that Ash is being played like a fool and lacking the language to explain it to him. It is far from giving up, however, and is still ready to lay the beats down on anyone willing to have a go.
It storms forward towards 'Gentle' Charlie and roars a challenge, and immediately receives another sneak-attack from the tail. Growling in fury, it gets up again and takes a swing, but Charlie leaps high in the air and blatantly kicks him in the back of the neck before slamming him in the belly and sending him flying out the doorway to The Valley.
So, three blatantly dirty shots to take out a Charizard that wasn't going to step off, huh, is that something to be proud of?
Leeza, secretly very pleased at what's going down, informs Ash that if he doesn't stop his Charizard fighting she won't be held responsible for the consequences.
"CHARIZARD!" cries Ash.
"And that's supposed to be the gentlest one?" asks Misty, not realising that Leeza was lying all along, of course.
"I'd hate to see the really nasty one!" gasps Brock.
They look down and take in the sight of a determined, furious Charizard clawing it's way back up the steps. Despite all of Leeza's back-handed attempts, from drugging it, making it run carrying weights through the canyon, battling it against the most vicious of the highly trained (specialising training that it was) Charizard, Ash's Mighty Dragon is not done yet.
Weak my ass.
"Maybe Charizard should try again when it's had more training," suggests Leeza nervously, seeing that Charizard is still up and roaring for more. Perhaps the Charizard that brought down Falconer's Evil Empire is a bit much for her after all?
She quickly closes the door of The Valley shut, locking out the furious and still fighting Charizard, which claws angrily at the door, roaring for her to open back up and let him finish kicking some ass.
"It's tough," whispers Ash to himself, as if he only just realised this fact for himself.
"See that?" asks Jesse, sitting on another rock outcropping a couple hundred meters away.
"I did!" gasps James.
"I saw it too!" adds Meowth.
"What are the chances of us stealing The Charizard that just beat the Charizard that always beats us?" Jesse asks, although the correct thing to say would have been, "What are the chances of us stealing The Charizard which just walked out on a fight with The Charizard that always beats us?"
"Not very good!" Meowth tells them.
"What are the chances of stealing a bunch of even tougher ones?" asks James.
"Very, very bad!" cries The Droopy Faced Meowth.
"Imf!" imfs Jesse, standing up and stroking her beautiful hair to the side, "Then let's improve our chances and use our new secret weapon!"
What follows is a monstrosity, an evil abomination, a cruel joke on nature as the camera pans up over a huge robotic, Meowth-like figure dressed like a boy-scout, with a giant R on it's shirt, holding a massive butterfly net in one hand and a cage in the other, wearing a straw hat.
Dodgemaster Tim excuses himself to vomit.
"Ahh, whatta we gonna call that thing, Jesse?" asks Meowth, a little terrified, as are we all.
"Uuh, we'll probably call it a gigantic mistake," sighs Jesse, knowing that it's evil, evil, eeeeeeeeeevil!
"It looked a lot better online!" moans James with a nervous smile, stroking his head with one hand and his.... crotch? with the other?
What freaky porn site did you find that on, James?
"Hey guys, look!" cries Meowth, getting their attention, "Dey're opening dat big iron gate Charizard wuz banging on!" Indeed they are, the gates opening once more as Charizard waits expectantly, eager for a chance to get in there and show Gentle Charlie who da man is.
"It's no use banging on that gate, Charizard," Leeza tells him, hoping to goad him once more, convinced once again she can control him and use him for her own evil purposes,"Why don't you go away with Ash and try again when you're stronger."
Charizard isn't fooled but nor is he leaving, he can't resist a fight and he's going to layeth, the smacketh, down on alllllll their candy asses!
"It makes me absolutely furious to see the way that girl is humiliating the twerps Charizard by not letting it battle!" snaps Jesse angrily, shaking her fist as she sees through Leeza's evil little plot.
"Why?" asks James, the epitome of the male model, "Should she be humiliating it in some other way?"
Jesse fixes him with a furious glare, then slaps him, hard.
"He-e-aah!" gasps James, rubbing his cheek and staring at Jesse with wounded puppy dog eyes.
"I tink you're much more humiliating dan she is," Meowth adds hopefully, and receives a good stomping from the angry red-head.
"ARRRH!" arrrh's Jesse, "Give Charizard a break!"
"So you want a battle?" asks Leeza.
"Rooar!" growls Charizard, his hopes lifting.
"Well, I suppose you could have one with my little Charla," she Leeza suggests coyly.
Gone is the apprehension over fighting Charizard earlier, now that he's received a beating from some serious cheap shots delivered to him by much more powerful Charizards, she's confident her Charla can beat Charizard, then she can convince Ash to abandon it and she can keep it for her own, evil purposes.
Charizard and Charla lock up, and Charla instantly uses Charizard's own forward momentum to pitch him over her shoulder and into the water beyond. That's it, battle over, as all The Charizard's in the Valley know, water will put out the fire on their tail and kill them, Charizard has been beaten, killed by a jealous Charla who didn't like the idea of Leeza using another Pokemon for her nefarious plots and schemes.
"Hey look!" gasps Ash.
"Oh no!" cries Misty.
"You KNOW how much Charizard hates the water!" cries Brock.
What's this? Hates the water? But that would suggest some previous encounter with water, which is death to all Charizards, because no Charizard can live after being tossed into water, it's death to them.
BUT OUR BITCH AIN'T GOING DOWN LIKE THAT!
Yes, water hurts Charizard, it might even kill him after long enough exposure, but he has existed outside this safe little, controlled environment these other Charizard's have chosen to thrive in. No tin-pot dictator here, Charizard has learned how to adapt and counter attacks that would kill others of his kind.
"You'll never be a great Charizard if you act tough and don't accept your own limitations," Leeza informs them, strolling away to hide her surprise and delight at learning Charizard can deal with water. She turns back and decides to goad The Mighty Dragon some more, as he grips onto a Charizard statue to keep himself from falling beneath the water once again, still half submerged, "Stay there, cool down, and think about how you can improve yourself."
Again they run away. The first time Charizard took several cheap-shots and kept coming back, scaring them enough to lock him out, when he wouldn't go away Charla attempted to kill him, and he still thrived, surviving even in water, which should be lethal to him. The iron gates close once again, locking Charizard out.
Leeza now has two hopes, either Charizard will stick around and she can convince him to stay with her, or Charizard will die in the waters and leave her safe.
That foul, conniving hoar!
"Poor... Charizard," murmurs Ash, still thinking that Charizard has been beaten, when in fact he's held out against the most insurmountable odds ever faced by a Pokemon of his type.
Charizard roars with fury at the gates, proclaiming his challenge, he will indeed stay in the waters, and he'll stay there until those gates open again, he strides through and pounds THE - LIVING - SHIT - out of all the other Charizards.
Team Rocket sob with sympathy at Charizard's plight, and James, knowing all too well the pain of being ostracised from one's community, cries the loudest.
"Poor thing!" he sobs,"I understand! I understand your pain!"
"Do you James?" sniffs Jesse, surprised.
"I can imagine how it must feel to be utterly rejected!" he cries.
"You and Jess don't have to imagine," mumbles the droopy faced Meowth.
"RAGGG-EG-AH!" raggg-eg-ah Jesse and James, pummelling the loud mouthed Scratch Cat.
Later that night Charizard remains in place, not moving a muscle since that afternoon. Despite standing in water he is undaunted, his power and fury still unmatched. So far he hasn't lost, only been pushed back before his opponents locked themselves behind an impenetrable iron gate, which is hardly the action of a victor.
Ash watches sadly, have some kind of mad epiphany of his own, talking to Charizard and telling him that he's strong enough for him but he knows he wants to be stronger and even though he's decided, it's Ash's own decision to make and.....
Throughout all of this good bullshit, Charizard just mumbles for Ash to shut the fuck up, waiting for the gates to open. If he has to play this Leeza's game to get into that Valley and pound on some Charizards, then that's what he'll do, he can wait forever if he has to.
Watching from a distance, Jesse tells her companions that she isn't sure what's going on down there, but whatever it is, it's intense. "I sure wish we could understand what that Charizard's muttering to itself," James tells them.
"I do!" sobs Meowth, "I can understand it! Charizard's saying it wants to be stronger, it wants ta be da best it can be! I understand you Charizard! I useta feel da same as you! I still do!"
"We're on your side!" cries Jesse.
"Yeah, we're rooting for you!" adds James, but don't get too excited, Rocket-shipping fools that you are, he means cheering for Charizard, not engaging in sexual congress in order to assist him in his endeavours.
You crazy kids and your wacky slang.
"Losers gotta stick togetta!" cries Meowth, and then as he realises what he said, him, Jesse and James hug and cry in sorrow at what life has forced upon them.
The night wears on and even Charizard's might begins to waver as the effects of a chemical sedative, a long, mad-dash panicked charge up a mountainside, a blast of flame, four consecutive, illegal cheap-shots and a hip-toss into water, which he's been standing in for almost a full day now, begin to take their toll on the supposedly 'weak' Charizard.
Ash, Misty, Brock and Pikachu have fallen asleep, leaving Charizard to continue his vigil alone. He begins to nod of, head drooping and tail falling beneath the water, but before he can a rock lands on his head, jerking him back into full wakefulness.
"Don't go to sleep!" whispers Jesse, tossing rocks at the Mighty Dragon, joined by James and Meowth.
"You can't let, your flame get, wet!" gasps James.
"Stay awake!" insists Meowth.
Charizard begins mumbling again, going over all the things it's going to do to the cowardly Charizard hiding behind The Valley Doors.
"It's got a lot of heart, Charla," Leeza whispers to Charla, watching through barely opened gate. She looks appropriately nervous, as she wonders if she hasn't bit of more than she can chew this time.
Charla just grunts, looking at Charizard with new appreciation now. Here's a man! A real man, not like the wimpy Charizard inside who hit, attack, then run away, pretending that they can't be bothered to battle anymore. Maybe she was a bit hasty in attempting to kill him, as it looks like The Mighty Dragon could go the distance.
The night finally ends, sun rising and waking Ash, who fell asleep in a rather unattractive squatting position. Standing up, he puffs up in pride at the sight of Charizard, standing against the statue in the water, flame still burning bright on it's tail and a serious, slightly smug look on it's face.
Of course it made it through the night, it is Charizard, The Mightiest Dragon there ever was, and it's time to prove that once and for all.
"If Charizard wants to get stronger that badly," Ash murmurs to himself, getting the wrong end of the stick as usual, "It would be wrong for me to stand in it's way."
Foolish boy, Charizard wants to bring down Leeza and defeat her cowardly Pokemon, force them to move out into the real world and learn how to become better rounded people. You're falling for her trap while he's trying to help you.... and now to top it all of here comes that abomination of a Team Rocket robot!
"Rise and shine! rise and shine!" cries Jesse. "We helped Charizard make it through the night!" cries James.
"Now we'll help it stand up and fight!" laughs Meowth with a big Buddha face Meowth smile.
"Charizard's determination to succeed is an example for us all!" Jesse explains.
"The least we can do is help a fellow LOO-ser!" James informs.
"Yeah," chuckles Meowth, "But we're gonna act like we ain't helping him!"
"What the twerps don't know won't hurt them," Jesse says with a grin.
"Now let's put Robot-Boy to work!" cries James.
The Horror that is their robot slams up to the iron gates and wheels to a halt, then begins to slam against it over and over, all in the hopes of getting Charizard to act.
And act he does, leaping out of the water and slamming to a stop before them. This is just what they wanted, they knew it would try to protect it's fellow Charizard's and it's done just that, and if it reacts the way they've predicted them.... yes!
A Flame-Thrower attack begins to super-heat the robot as Jesse and James wish Charizard well, telling it that it's scrappy, just like they are, and it's friends should be proud, because....
THEY'RE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!
And thus, the so-called villains of the show once again helped to save the day.
Ash, Misty and Brock congratulate Charizard on his victory, but congratulations come on another front as well, as the Iron Gates open and Leeza stands clapping with a huge grouping of Charizards, using them for protection.
"You can train with us now, if you want," she tells Charizard, whose eyes light up at the idea of finally getting into The Valley and laying the beats down on these punks that hit and ran earlier... and as for Leeza, why he's going to....
"HOLD IT!" cries Ash, breaking of Charizard's reverie, he twists to cast his gaze at the little boy, who asks angrily, "Now Charizard's okay because it beat them?"
"Anyone could beat those three," Leeza informs him, who must have had some kind of X-ray vision to see into the interior of The Horror that was their robot.
Anyone could beat them, huh? We didn't see any of your so-called Super-Charizards lining up to take them on. No one seemed to open the gates and step up to the plate, did they?
Rather, I think they were all running around in terror, trying to figure out how to beat something that wasn't another Charizard, or else just cowering in total fear at the idea of something from the outside world getting into their safe little controlled environment.
"Then why the big change of heart?" asks Ash. "Because, it's proven it wants to be great," Leeza explains lamely.
So, when it beat a World Champion Poliwrath it didn't want to be great?
When it battled and defeated a Magmar IN THE VERY HEART OF THE VOLCANO ITSELF it didn't want to be great?
When it went toe to toe with an Ugly-Ass Dragonite, it didn't want to be great?
When it defeated and overthrew the Evil Empire of the Evil Falconer it didn't want to be great?
When it stopped an unstoppable Arbo-Tank in it's tracks it didn't want to be great?
When it lost the ability to fly and actually ran the entire way to The Valley it didn't want to be great?
When it got up from a crippling Flame Thrower Attack and demanded more, it didn't want to be great?
When it absorbed several illegal, cheap shots in a row and didn't give in, in fact seemed to get stronger and more rejuvenated, wanting more of a fight, it didn't want to be great?
When it survived a plunge into water and still kept it's flame alight, it didn't want to be great?
So it only wants to be great now, does it lady? You know what we say to that? We say -
BOLLOCKS!
"Don't you agree?" Leeza asks, turning to her Charizard and fixing them with a glare.
"ROOOOOOAR!" they roar in unison as Charizard looks on smugly, not fooled by the crap spilling from Leeza's mouth, but willing to go along for now if it gets him what he wants.
"Then maybe you should just stay here?" Ash suggests to Charizard, who turns and rumbles in surprise at him. "Stay if you want to," Ash mumbles, turning his head away after a long, loooong look into Charizard's eyes, "I can get along just fine without you."
"Ash, no!" gasps Misty.
"Who wants a weak Charizard anyway," Ash says, barely holding back his grief, trying to make it easier on them both,"So just stay here!"
Charizard grunts in surprise.
"Well, I guess this is goodbye," Ash tells him, moving away with cap pulled down over his face in his best Clint Eastwood impression, "You got a lot of things to learn Charizard, you better get started."
He points into The Valley.
"They're waiting for ya."
The Charizard in The Valley roar for him to enter, but Charizard turns to stare at Ash again, who still has his back turned.
"Maybe I'll... see you around some time, "Ash grunts, then charges away.
"ASH!" cry Brock and Misty, charging after him, leaving Charizard AND Pikachu behind.
"Pika-chu?" asks Pikachu, turning to look at Charizard, who glares down at him with almost a smile on it's grim face.... and then lifts one massive paw and gives him the thumbs up.
Pikachu smiles and returns the gesture, knowing in it's French heart that Charizard will be all right, then it charges after Ash, who is running still.
"I don't want to leave you, but I know you have to stay. Train hard Charizard, we'll meet again some day. Goodbye old friend, don't forget me!"
He charges on, tears streaming from his face as Charizard stands resolute on the cliff-side, watching his Trainer run away, his squinty eyed friend, red-headed girlfriend, cute yellow rodent and that funny egg thing that was always trying to get into his head following after.
Charizard throws his head back and lets loose an earth-shaking roar of fury and power, saying goodbye to Ash for the last time before turning to meet it's destiny, to conquer and rule a Valley filled with the most powerful Charizard in the world.
He's going to kick their asses.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "I can understand how it feels to be utterly rejected" "You and Jess don't have to imagine"
 "I don't have to act tough, I am tough!"
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