126: Ignorance Is Blissey
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They've finally made their way into a small town however, and surely they can find some nice people to freeload off soon, after all, it's what Ash does best.
Brock moans that, although he doesn't know about the other two, if they don't find a place to stop and rest soon, he's going to collapse.
Togepi roars with laughter and proclaims, "Good! Only the strong shall survive the culling when I grow into my full power, better you should die now than face the horrors to come!"
Or words to that effect.
However, this is Happy Town, and no one can be sad for too long, and to Ash's delight he spies a Pokemon Centre just up the road. Pokemon Centre's are great, they're supposed to be for healing sick Pokemon but Ash has learned how to screw the system and has been getting free food and lodging off of them for years.
They rush to The Pokemon Centre, but the doors are closed and the place is locked up.
Ash isn't going to let a little something like somebody's hard earned sleep stop him from freeloading, however, and he knocks at the door, asking if anyone is home, calling for Nurse Joy to come out and feed his sorry little ass.
The door does open, violently, but it's not a tired, bedraggled and angry looking Nurse Joy in sexy negligee....
...
.... no it's a large, round pink thing.
Chansey?
Not at all, this is different, fatter, rounder with small wings set into it's shoulders and on it's hips, a 1950's hairstyle and a broken egg amulet around it's 'neck' to top off the look.
Like a Chansey it has an egg in it's pouch, but this ain't no Chansey, this be.... a Blissey!
"Blissey," explains Dexter after Ash gets up and tells it not to worry, Misty is always telling him he has a thick skull, "The Happiness Pokemon, it is kind-hearted and loves helping people, Blissey.... is the evolved version of Chansey."
Brock, pretending to know it all, steps up to Blissey and looks it up and down, proclaiming that the resemblance to Chansey is obvious, although it's hairdo is certainly an interesting choice.
That's nice for GOOD GOD-DAMN THAT'S AN UGLY HAIR-DO!
Ash's belly roars for attention and he obeys his dark master, telling them that he's hungry.
Instantly Blissey is all.... uh..... well, um.... Blissful and drags him into The Pokemon Centre, pulling him down into the dining area as Brock and Misty give chase.
Leaving them in the dining area, Blissey rushes into the kitchen and darts about happily, almost too happily in fact. There is some suspicion that Blissey may have evolved past the Happiness Pokemon level to a new, heretofore unknown level of Pokemon.
THE KOFFING POKEMON!
Whatever the case, happy Blissey charges out of the kitchen bearing trays and trays of food stacked one atop the other. The kids get excited, of course, at the thought of this food, but Blissey is even more excited to be helping people out and charges blindly towards them as they call for it calm down, as you can't be too careful when you're carrying trays.
Blissey doesn't listen though, and the twerps turn and run in terror from The Dope-Smoking Pokemon as it charges blissfully after them, trying too hard to be helpful
Ash, too stupid to know how to run properly, trips over his own foot and slams into the ground, and a second later Blissey's trays finally lose balance and spill all that delicious rice and vegetables and eggs all over Ash's body.
Or, as The American Translators would like us to believe, the hamburgers.
Ash stands stupidly as the camera pans up his body, food dripping off of him. Blissey is instantly apologetic but Ash shows surprising maturity by first removing his shoes, then telling her that she was only trying to help and he'll eat after he's washed up.
Still, given that he's using her bathroom and eating her food, he damn sure better be apologetic!
Stripping down to his boxer shorts (sorry Dodgemaster Lex, these ain't his usual go-go boy shorts) he sudses himself up, humming a little tune as his hand strays between his legs to give him a helping 'hand' if you know what we mean.
Before he can enjoy the fruits of self-abuse, however, Blissey bursts into the bathroom with the dark glee of a paedophile. She asks him if she could 'wash his back for him' and being too stupid to realise what's going on, Ash agrees, telling her,"It's been awhile since I had a good scrub!"
Oh shit Ash, you're going to be somebody's bitch by the time you're 14, just pray it's Misty.
Blissey moves up behind Ash and whips out a scouring broom and.... well the screams are pretty loud.
When we next see Ash he's lying on his stomach, massive scrapes and burns running down his back.... geez Blissey, couldn't you have broken him in a little easier?
Misty, Brock and Pikachu stare down at their violated friend, who is now totally naked with a towel wrapped around his scrawny little Ash ass.
"That back is really scrubbed," murmurs Misty.
Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?
A sad Blissey is sorry but Ash is still being very diplomatic, knowing that as a freeloader he could be kicked out on his scrubbed ass at any moment now.
Luckily Blissey has a little something it can put on Ash's back for the pain, and proceeds to do so, but not before Ash and co realise what it is.
RUBBING ALCOHOL!
The screams are very loud indeed.
Leaving Ash's horrendous abuse behind, we spot Nurse Joy walking tiredly down the corridor dressed in pyjamas, jacket and slippers. She pulls her earplugs out of her ears and murmurs to herself that she'll have to check with Blissey to see if anything happened while she was asleep.
"Oh Blissey...." she starts, opening the door, but is cut off as Ash, wrapped in full body bandages, turns around to stare at her with his dead eyes.
The screams are very loud indeed.
Once all the problems have been sorted out, Nurse Joy apologises to a very sore Ash who is once again trying to impress Misty with his macho-ness.
In supreme Action Hero style, Ash is seated on a bed with his shoes and socks off (ala Bruce Willis) and no shirt on (ala Jean Claude Van Damme) with bandages around his stomach (ala Arnie, Sly and Dolph).
She explains that Blissey only wants to help, but being a pot-head she often helps a little too hard.
"Well, do you think she could help a little less?" asks Ash.
Again Joy tries to stick up for her drug-addled assistant, telling them that her heart is in the right place.
"I'm 100% on your side, Nurse Joy!" cries Brock, sliding up beside her with fists clenched, "I say if Blissey's heart is in the right place then who cares where anything else is!"
"Huh?" asks Joy, stealing Ash's line.
"And speaking of hearts being in the right place," gasps Brock, grabbing her hand and thrusting it to his bosom, "I think you should know that my heart is in your hand!"
A sweat-drop forms on Nurse Joy's head, as it must, but Misty saves the day by grabbing Brock's ear and tugging him away.
"Well, your heart may be in her hand but your ear is in mine!" the jealous little red-head growls, pulling him away.
Ash and Joy share a nervous little laugh, then Joy once again reiterates that Blissey, no matter what, is always trying to be the best nurse it can be.
Well, that said we guess it's time for a little disturbing Pokemon sex.
We find Togepi and Pikachu lying in bed together, tuckered out from some disturbingly physical activity perhaps, but the less said on that sticky subject the better.
Ash, obviously a little disturbed at the noises he was hearing from Togepi and Pikachu's bunk (above Misty, who lies across the room from Ash) lies awake in his black shirt.
"What a night," he mutters, "I didn't do anything wrong and I still got send to bed without any supper."
"Will you stop complaining, Ash!" growls Misty, who had to lie beneath the bunk where Togepi was having it's wicked way with Pikachu. It should be noted that Misty is still wearing her suspenders, which seems a little odd, "Brock and I are just as hungry as you are!"
A furious Brock (who is on the bunk above Ash's and had direct line of sight of Togepi's violation of Pikachu) pops his head down as well and joins in the yelling, "That's right! So stop your grumbling and go to sleep, will ya!"
"Tell that to my stomach," groans Ash, as his dark master once again cries out for sustenance.
But they shouldn't complain, at least they have a bed to lie in, whereas outside we discover our beloved Team Rocket hunkered down in some uncomfortable bushes.
Yes, even villains (such as they are) get hungry and tired, and these three are no exception. They're so hungry that James has forgotten what food even tastes like.
However, adversity breeds genius, and James realises with a start that if they raid the local Pokemon Centre, they can grab both Pokemon To Go for the Boss and a little food for themselves.
"JAMES! THAT'S BRILLIANT!" cries Jesse, leaping into the air, delirious with hunger. "LET'S DO IT!" cries Meowth.
The following scene was cut from the episode : Team Rocket rush towards the Pokemon Centre to execute James' brilliant plan, but 14 men dressed in black suits step out to stop them.
"Halt!" demands the first of the men, "We represent Nike Incorporated and have come to serve you with papers for defamation and illegal use of a copyrighted trademark, however skewed your presentation was."
"What?" grumbles Meowth.
"Your proclamation of 'Let's do it' is an infringement on the copyrighted Trademark,'Just Do It' which is owned by Nike Incorporated, along with all variations on the theme, such as,'Let's do it, just d'oh it, just smoke it, just throw it and Coca Cola Is It.' and the infringement of such will be followed by a fine of but not restricted too 45 million of your Earth dollars."
"Is there some kind of way out of this?" asks Jesse, sauntering forward and thrusting her large breasts out.
"Ummmm," grunted the first lawyer, loosening his collar, "Perhaps something could be figured out."
Jesse led the Lawyer away, followed by 7 of his colleague, leaving 6 more.
"All right then," sighed James, "Jump on the wagon, gents, it's going to be a bumpy ride."
Five more followed James into the bushes, leaving only one, who winked suggestively at Meowth.
"Oh brudda," sighed Meowth, then bit the bullet, swallowed his pride and took the lawyer by the hand, leading him into another bush.
Why that scene was cut, we don't know, but following that we cut to :
Inside the Pokemon Centre, the Dining Area to be specific, we find a tile in the floor being lifted and Team Rocket popping their heads through. The place is deserted, and they quickly slide into the kitchen where they find.... nothing!
"They didn't even leave us one crummy crumb!" moans James, looking in the waste basket.
"We've been cheated, there aren't any left-overs left over!" gasps Jesse.
"Hey!" cries Meowth, head in the fridge, "Look what I go me! This parsnip gave 'em the slip!"
Jesse pulls it off of Meowth and, with uncharacteristic charity, decides to cut it up into three even pieces.
"That's fair!" giggles James excitedly.
But Meowth is having none of that, it's finders eaters, losers weepers as far as he's concerned. Grabbing the parsnip, he does a runner, while an enraged Jesse slams James to one side and gives chase.
She looks around the deserted Pokemon Centre and thinks that she's spotted the greedy Scratch-Cat at the end of a darkened corridor. Charging down the hall, she instead finds herself face to face with a confused looking Blissey holding a flashlight.
Jesse pulls up short, turns and runs the other way, but rather than being angry at the intruder, Blissey seems ecstatic and bounces eagerly after Jesse's lithe body, leaping into the air and slamming into her back, knocking the beautiful red-head to the ground.
Remembering all too well being in a similar position back in those bushes with the lawyers earlier, Jesse demands that it get off of her, and Blissey complies, allowing Jesse to sit up.
Blissey leaps up and down happily as Jesse stares at her, confused, until she notes the half-broken egg amulet around her 'neck' and realises just who Blissey is.
"Oh!" she gasps, smiling, "It's you! I always hoped I'd bump into my old friend again."
She pulls out the other half of the amulet and presses it together, and they're a perfect fit.
Her and Blissey move off to the dining area where they are joined by James and Meowth, and it's here that we finally, FINALLY get a little more back-story on the beautiful young maiden known as Jesse.
Yes, Jesse was a simple yet exceedingly beautiful little girl with a dream, she tells us, and after the wobbly wave of a flashback, we find ourselves staring at a young Jesse in black shoes, socks pulled to her ankles, a skirt that comes almost all the way down to her knees (!!!!) and and a plain white shirt with a woollen pullover standing at a Applications Desk trying to get into Nursing School.
Well, it's a horribly elitist school and though Jesse has the red-hair she lacks the incestuous, nepotisimising family connections of a Joy, so she's having no luck getting in.
The man tells her that becoming a Pokemon Nurse will be extremely hard for her and that they can't accept her application (BECAUSE SHE ISN'T A NURSE JOY!) despite the huge, shark-like grin apparent on her application's photo, but Jesse doesn't give up hope, noting with excitement a banner showing a Chansey and advertising a Pokemon Nurse School.
She decides to go learn there but the horrified Applications Clerk tries to tell her it's not the place for her. "Don't worry," laughs young Jesse, whose long red hair has yet to grow to it's sweeping proportions of today, and instead is tied into two pigtails coming down over her shoulders, "I'll fit in anywhere!"
She may have trouble in this school, however, as she discovers herself to be the only human amongst a group of Chanseys.
The teacher informs her class that with hard work and study, she is sure they'll all become competent Pokemon Nurses, and the Chansey reply with a cry of Chansey!
"Jesse!" cries Jesse, trying to fit in, then rolls her eyes at her own innocent stupidity.... DAMN SHE'S SO CUTE!
Next we see young Jesse learning how to tie bandages, and doing an admirable job of it as she practises on a fellow student Chansey. But not everyone is doing so well, it appears one Chansey is totally inept at tying bandages and is instead wrapping bandages all over herself, rather than her impatient patient.
Jesse, still young and innocent and not embittered by the world, steps forward to lend a helping hand, showing Chansey how to tie the bandages tight (not not too tight!) and then walking away as the Instructor steps forward and notes the impressive work of Jesse's. She, of course, compliments The Chansey instead.
Next we find young, sweet, innocent Jesse (this is the Jesse of Rocketshipper Fan-Fics, folks, which still doesn't make those fan-fics right) eating lunch alone, segregated from the rest of the elitist Chansey's who don't want to associate with 'her kind'.
But the Chansey she helped is pleased to sit with her, and when Jesse invites her over it gets so excited that it leaps up and down and spills it's drink all over Jesse.
She growls and hisses, but this Jesse hasn't had her spirit and innocence crushed by an outside world which longs to slam her into one category and leave her there. She smiles and tells Chansey, "Even though you paid for it, it looks like this lunch is on me!"
In the library later Chansey is having great difficulty making sense of a book they're supposed to be studying, so Jesse gives her a few pointers, such as how much easier it is to read a book when it's not upside down.
Then in the infirmary we watch as The Chansey use their Sing Technique to put restless patients to sleep.
Unfortunately for Jesse, this technique also works for her and she goes under, awoken by her friend Chansey just in time for the Instructor to loom over her and yell, "One does not become a Pokemon Nurse by sleeping in class, Miss Jesse!"
Well, this is well deserved, since Jesse has done an excellent job of nursing so far and this is her first mistake.
Inside her and Chansey's room, young Jesse falls to her hands and knees and vents her built-up fury over all the obstacles being thrown in her path to try and prevent her from becoming a useful member of society,"What does she expect from me!" snaps Jesse, "It's not my fault I'm not a Chansey!"
Chansey tries to comfort her, but young Jesse pushes her way with a yell, until she sees the hurt in Chansey's eyes and realises what she's done. She apologises, telling Chansey that it's the only one who cares for her in the entire school, then allows the bastards to get her down by coming to the conclusion that she'll never be a Pokemon Nurse.
This crushing of her spirits is what will lead Jesse on to her ultimate destiny as a Team Rocket 'villain' but it didn't have to be. She wanted to be a valuable member of society, she wanted to help others as first a Nurse, then a Pokemon Nurse, and at every step of the way she was blocked by nepotism, bigotry and closed minds.
So who is to blame for Jesse turning to a life of crime? She's beautiful and talented and wanted to help people, but she was never given a chance because she wasn't born into the right family and didn't suck up to the right people.
Starting as a young girl she wanted to be a nurse, and they wouldn't let her, so she joined a Pokemon Nursing school and excelled, but after one mistake they drove her out. So she joined an elite University, most likely as part of some Government Minority quota, where she met James and found a real friend. When they both dropped out they found solace in a bike gang when no one would give them jobs, and their attractive bodies gained the notice of Business Man/Evil Corporate Criminal Crime-Lord Giovanni, who pulled them into Team Rocket with promises of wealth and power, only to toss them aside after tiring of using them.
Villains? We think not, victims is a more apt term.
But we digress, because young Jesse's story is not over yet.
At the Graduation Ceremony a Nurse Joy hands over Nurse's Caps to and Egg Amulets to all of the Chanseys, while a tearful Jesse watches. She turns and walks away from the school, but is stopped when her friend Chansey rushes after her and tries to give her her cap.
Jesse doesn't take the cap though, telling Chansey that she deserves it. Chansey won't let her go without nothing though, and breaks her amulet in half, giving one half to Jesse.
Jesse tells her that now they'll always have a part of each other with them, then turns and walks way towards the destiny forced upon her, while a tearful Chansey waves goodbye.
Back in the present Jesse tells Blissey she always knew she would evolve and become a full-fledged Pokemon Nurse.
Meanwhile, James and Meowth are in tears over the beautiful story.
"I have to admit, I'm touched!" cries James.
"And he don't mean in da head!" sobs Meowth.
Suddenly all of their stomach's grumble, making Jesse remember the reason they came here in the first place. Blissey realises they're hungry and shoves Jesse down a corridor, followed by James and Meowth.
They're pressed into a pantry and Jesse can't believe her eyes at what she's seeing.
"There's enough food here to give a Snorlax indigestion!" gasps James.
Blissey rushes away and returns with boxes of food, then charges away again and comes back again and away again and back again, each time bringing more and more food with her.
"You aren't by any chance giving these boxes of food to us, are you?" asks Jesse.
"BLISSEY! BLISSEY!" blisses Blissey in her Koffing-Like way.
Soon a happy Team Rocket are pushing a giant wheelbarrow filled with boxes of food down the streets of Happy Town.
"We'll never hafta worry about food rationing again!" beams Meowth, pushing the barrow from behind along with Jesse.
"That's right, Meowth!" laughs James, pulling the barrow from the front, "Now we can be completely irrational!"
Jesse is a little unsure, though, suggesting that it may be a little much just for the three of them to eat.
"Don't worry, I got nine lives!" laughs Meowth, "And a stomach for every one!"
"Ooooh!" ooooh's James, "That's funny!"
The next day the sun is shining, the sky is clear, and Ash's freeloading stomach has had enough.
No not enough food, enough waiting, as he realises there is nothing but a small slice of bread for breakfast.
Well that's enough, he went through getting egg all over his face, getting caught masturbating in the bath and having his ass 'scrubbed' all because he wanted to freeload some food, and now there is none! Oh hell no, he ain't having any of that!
He complains to Nurse Joy that there is no more food and she takes them to the pantry, discovering to her horror that the pantry - full only a day ago - is now completely empty.
Luckily Happy Town is only a name, and the paranoid Nurse Joy has security cameras fitted into the pantry in case of just such an emergency. Taking the kids with her, they watch the Security Tapes and discover that yes, the food was stolen, and it was stolen by Blissey!
Joy begs Blissey to tell her where the food has gone, but Blissey won't betray her friend, and an angry Joy tells her that this could well end her career as a Pokemon Nurse.
Watching from the Meowth Balloon with those wondrous binoculars which also hear great distances, Jesse is filled with remorse, knowing that she should never have taken so much food, and now Blissey is going to pay for it.
She wishes she could do something to help and....
The following quite aptly displays how Team Rocket are obviously cruel, heartless villains with no remorse and no care for anybody or anything else.
....Meowth suggests they take the chow back.
This wouldn't explain why Blissey helped them, however, Jesse explains, so James suggests that they make it look like they tricked Blissey, and then make her look like the hero by getting it back.
"Anudda great idea!" gasps Meowth.
"That's two in a row!" agrees a surprised Jesse, "But are you sure you don't mind returning the food?"
James could care less, one of his friend's only true friends is in trouble, and he is more than willing to help.
And, Meowth adds, it will not only save Blissey but also enhance their own criminal reputations.
Yep, obviously Team Rocket are evil and their hearts filled with black ichor and venom. They have no social conscience or redeeming values of their own and everything the do is for their own gain and in no way helpful to others.
BTW, for the insanely stupid, the preceding paragraph was written in a Level 25 Sarcasm Font.
"Oh look Jesse!" James quotes deadpan into a megaphone as they land the Meowth Balloon and all the food in the net beneath it, "We dropped all the food we stole from The Pokemon Centre."
The twerps and Joy burst out of The Pokemon Centre, wanting to know what's going on.
"Prepare for trouble you little Nurse!" spits Jesse.
"You make it double and we'll make it worse!" James throws in.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"THAT'S RIGHT!" laughs Meowth, leaping down.
"You again!" growls Ash.
"They must have been the ones who made Blissey steal all of the food!" gasps Nurse Joy in shock.
Oh yeah, that's right, just jump immediately to that conclusion, you bigoted bitch!
Sure, that's what they want you to think, but it isn't what happened, it just fits into your narrow little view of how the world is. Had the world been a fairer place, Jesse would be a Nurse now in her own Pokemon Centre, James would be a Fashion Designer and Meowth and Meowsi would be snuggled up together in front of a crackling hearth, sharing some fried chicken.
"Well James," lies Jesse, "It sounds like they figured everything out!"
"Well, that Blissey thinks it's pretty smart," coos James, camping it up as he performs, "But we tricked it into stealing for us anyway!"
"A devilishly clever plan which we cannot reveal," adds Meowth, "Fooled the innocent Blissey."
Well it's not Shakespeare.... hell it's not even Andrew Lloyd Webber, but they're not exactly performing for the brightest sparks on the planet, are they.
"HUH!?!" gasps Nurse Joy, "That's how it happened!"
"You caused a lot of trouble around here when you took that food!" roars Ash, flames sprouting up behind him in his righteous, freeloading fury, "NOW GIVE IT BACK OR ELSE!"
Misty is extremely impressed by her man, and notes proudly to Brock,"Ash doesn't usually get this angry."
"TO-GE-PI!" roars Togepi in response, meaning, "YES! EXCELLENT! THE STUPID ONE HAS A FIRE WHICH I WILL BEND TO MY DESIRES! ALL WILL FALL BEFORE MY MIGHT! AHAHAHA! I AM TOGEPI!"
Or words to that effect.
"Ash doesn't usually get this hungry!" laughs Brock, unconsciously putting down his rival for Misty's affections. Even though Brock would never even think of Misty romantically, it's in his nature to present himself as the Alpha-Male to any woman nearby.... plus it doesn't help your ego to know girls are more interested in your stupid, pre-pubescent travelling companion.
"We'll make you a deal," laughs Jesse, "If you want this food back all you have to do is hand over every single Pokemon in The Pokemon Centre."
"You know I can't do that!" gasps Nurse Joy, who only seems to be good for gasping.
"Quit wasting everybody's time and give back that food you stole, we're hungry over here and we want to eat!" cries Ash like a little girl as Blissey emerges from within The Pokemon Centre, confused as to what's going on.
"You twerps can eat as much as you want as soon as you hand over those Pokemon," laughs Jesse, as Blissey spots her and instantly becomes ecstatic at seeing her old friend again, "It's all up to you!"
Ash is angry but what can he do? He's hungry and that takes precedence over everything else.
Luckily it's not his decision, as Nurse Joy reminds him by hissing, "Ash, we can't!"
But before anything else can be said, Blissey barrels past them happily, arms extended out wide as it charges at Jesse.
"Arrrh!" gasp Team Rocket, then Jesse throws her arms out in a warding gesture,"No Blissey, stay away!"
Blissey pulls up short, confused, then decides to just ignore Jesse's silliness and go up and give her a big happy hug.
"Blissey stay away, you'll ruin everything! Don't you understand? You're a Nurse in a Pokemon Centre, I'm the beautiful yet evil member of Team Rocket, it'll look bad if you're friends with me!"
But while those stereotypes might fool dumber minds like Ash and Nurse Joy, Blissey knows the real Jesse and knows she isn't some two dimensional evil villain, but a person, and she keeps coming.
"You don't care, do you," gasps Jesse, then, improvising on her feet (the mark of any great Rrr-Teest) realises there is only one way to save Blissey from herself now, and that's to ruin their friendship.
She calls out Arbok and Lickitung, then as Brock and Misty try to figure out why Blissey is so happy to see Team Rocket, calls out that Blissey is trying to capture them all by herself and she'll show the conceited little Blissey that she means business.
She sends Arbok and Lickitung to attack, and they slam tackle poor little Blissey, sending her flying bruised and battered into the ground.
Jesse charges up to her two Pokemon and furiously chastises them, telling them that wasn't the way they had planned things, they're only supposed to pretend to attack.
Blissey staggers to her feet and stares up at Jesse, but she's still smiling and still wants to be friends with Jesse.
Nurse Joy wrings her fists and gnashes her teeth helplessly, sure now that Blissey is trying to make up for letting Team Rocket 'steal' the food.
Blissey is still coming for Jesse for a hug though, so Jesse calls for Lickitung to use it's Slurp Attack (lightly!) and Arbok to use it's Bite (gently!) on Blissey.
They both do, viciously not attacking Blissey, leaving her sitting confused on the ground.
But Blissey still hasn't learnt her lesson and keeps staggering towards Jesse, who knows that if Nurse Joy ever discovers that Blissey has Jesse for a friend, they won't let her become a nurse.
That's right, just for knowing someone considered to be a villain, Blissey suddenly isn't a capable Nurse anymore and must be fired. That's the whole new world we live in, that's Pokemon Johto. The dark side to a fun, fantasy world.
Jesse pulls out a bazooka and fires it at Blissey's feet, knocking her on her ass and warning her that next time, she won't miss. Then she turns to the one person she knows she can easily manipulate and play with.
The Brain-Dead Ash.
She insults his manhood, asking him if he means to let a Blissey fight his battles for him before James charges forward and yells, "Don't you know how to lend a Pokemon a hand!!?!"
"Den we'll just hafta give you two," chuckles Meowth and uses a control box to extend two hands to grab Pikachu and lift him into the air.
Now Ash's Pokemon are being threatened and he's sure to join in the battle, given that it's his stuff that could be stolen now, and not somebody elses. Pikachu hits Team Rocket with a Thundershock, knocking them down and allowing Pikachu to escape, while The Twerpy Trio and Nurse Joy rush to Blissey's side. Blissey is all right, but Nurse Joy wants to apologise for ever doubting it.
Blissey is just confused by this, and turns to stare at Jesse who makes a shushing gesture and then smiles to indicate everything is all right.
Blissey sheds a tear while Ash's gut grumbles it's fury. He decides now is the time for action and calls out first Squirtle, then Chikorita.
"That's the spirit!" laughs Jesse, relieved that they're finally fighting back.
"Hit us with your best shot!" adds James.
"We're ready for action!" cries Meowth.
Jesse sends out Arbok and Lickitung to attack, and Ash calls for Pikachu to use it's Thunderbolt attack, which hit's Arbok hard while Chikorita grabs Lickitung's tongue with it's Vine Whip and tosses it about before Squirtle blasts them all with it's Water Gun attack, knocking them back into their basket.
Jesse yells out that, if this is the best they can do, they'll keep the food, and they begin to sail away, but Chikorita's Razor Leaf cuts the line to the food AND punctures a hole in the balloon, sending them whizzing away.
"They didn't have to be so rough!" complains Jesse. "We're blasting off again!"
Ash hugs the food happily while Brock comments that for a moment he thought their goose was cooked.
"Speaking of cooking," says Misty, "When do we eat."
Soon they're inside the Pokemon Centre, waiting for the newly reinstated Blissey, who is cooking up a storm.
"Here comes the moment you've been waiting for, Ash," says Misty, but don't get too excited, it's not time for Misty to pull those suspenders down, that top up and those shorts down before straddling Ash's lap and.... well, it's not that moment anyway.
It's feeding time, and as they sit waiting to be fed Blissey rushes in with the serving trays stacked atop each other as the kids scream in fear, knowing they're going to have egg on their faces yet again.
But such is not the case, Blissey has come through and soon they're all happily chowing down on the delicious food, which isn't hamburgers at all.
Blissey, meanwhile, remembers how Jesse has helped her yet again, and how yet again Jesse gets no credit for all her good work.
Jesse is also thinking of Blissey, sitting on the upturned basket in the middle of the ocean with James and Meowth.
"I'm glad we were able to help my old friend Blissey out of a jam," she notes to the others, "You don't find a pal like that every day."
"No, and we don't seem to eat every day, either," adds James. "Speaking of jam," says Meowth, "You wouldn't happen to have any, would you?"
"Or marmalade perhaps?" suggests James.
"Jelly would be nice...." states Meowth, to James agreement as the two compare culinary delights as Jesse settles back and thinks about Blissey.
And thus, Ash's narrow little world remains intact, a world of good guys and bad guys, white hats and black hats, Blissey's who Nurse and Jesse's who steal.
Yes, it's evil and morally corrupt, but damn it, it's comfortable for him!
And as along as the good guys get to keep their static little world of stereotypes and 2 dimensional characters intact, who cares about the feelings of those never given a chance to make a better life for themselves, people like Jesse, James and yes, even Meowth.
After all, they're just villains.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "This hairdo is a very interesting choice" "We'll never have to worry about food rationing again" "That's right, Meowth. And now we can be completely irrational"
 "I'm the beautiful yet evil member of Team Rocket" |
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