125: Whistle Stop
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Yeah, a big rush, considering they're stopping every five seconds to do something else, when exactly does this Johto League begin in any case?
Looks like our five seconds is up, because the kids have reached another distraction, this one a bridge.
But no, it's not an ugly troll living under this bridge, in fact it's one very intelligent Scratch-Cat and two dynamic, beautiful, talented Rrr-Teests who have a plan to capture their long time nemeses.
It's out beloved Team Rocket!
Watching through a periscope, we find Team Rocket sitting on a steel cage suspended beneath the bridge. The plan may be simple, but as Meowth notes it's their best yet. Jesse explains in greater detail, leading to an extremely cute drawn rendition of what is about to happen.
Drawn in a child's crude but clever crayon style, we see small midget versions of a wicked Jesse, James and Meowth beneath the bridge as the stupidly happy quartet of Ash, Misty and Brock dance their ways over the bridge.
But what's this!?! Reaching the middle, midget James will pull a rope dropping the bottom out of the bridge and letting Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu and Togepi fall into the cage, where they'll lie crying and screaming as midget Team Rocket dance a victory dance.
Sniff, that was beautiful.
Unfortunately the real Team Rocket do their victory dance just a little too early and put undue pressure on the middle section of the bridge, which cracks, then collapses (along with their plan).
"We don't usually wash out this early in the episode!" sulks Meowth as they fall into the water, and then he and his Team-Mates are washed away.
"Looks like Team Rocket's splashing off again!" they cry sadly, disappearing into the distance. Ash and the others reach the bridge and stop short, staring in shock at the smashed remains of the bridge.
"Huh?" asks Ash, not getting it as always, "I wonder how that happened?"
Misty figures that they could probably walk down river to the next nearest bridge, but according to the map Brock's got, that's ten miles away!
"Ten miles!" gasps Ash, "There must be another way!"
Well, here comes another way, a girl floating on a sling held up by six Ladybug type Pokemon.
Well, hands up who saw that coming.
Dexter explains they are Ledyba, the five star Pokemon, these naturally gentle, bug types gather in groups in cold weather to keep warm.
Brock, looking through his binoculars at the girl on the sling, adds to Dexter's profile, "Girl travelling, with Ledyba, this natural beauty, short, boyish hairstyle, provides the ideal complement to her warm, feminine features.... " he gets a little more excited, blushing a little as Ash, Pikachu and Misty lower their heads in exasperation, "This girl is obviously Brock's type aheeahehh!"
"Here we go again," sighs Misty.
"Hey!" cries Brock at the young lady, "Yoohoo! Over here!!!"
Yoohoo?
Yoohoo?
The girls seems a little uncertain over what to do, then demands The Ledyba begin their descent, decrease speed to 50 percent and prepare for immediate landing. She accompanies this with a short blast on her whistle and The Ledyba begin to move down towards the trio.
"Ledyba are Bug Pokemon, Misty" Ash notes to a smiling Misty, "How come you're not starting to bug out?"
"Ledyba are cute," replies the horrendously image conscious young lady, "The only thing that's bugging me now is Brock."
Brock, giggling and laughing like an excited school-child, proclaims that this is like a miracle as the girl lands. He charges forward and grabs her hands, thanking goodness that she has come to save them, why.... why she's like an angel out of the blue.
"Can I help you with something?" she asks.
"Yes miss," replies Ash, looking over his shoulder at the smashed remains of the bridge, "We need to get across the water.... and Brock needs to get back to earth."
"You floated down from the heavens to aid and comfort me in my time of desperate need," gasps Brock, clutching her hands in his own, "Fate brought us together, but no fate on heaven or on earth will ever tear us apart!!"
Misty, a fate greater than heaven or earth, tears them apart, shoving Brock aside with her hand and telling the young dyke that they just need to get across the river.
"Well I could fly you across with my Ledyba," the girl suggests, exciting Ash a great deal who - after seeing her being flown across the earth by Ledyba - didn't think it was possible to be flown across anything by Ledyba.
He thanks her but realises he doesn't know her name, so she introduces herself as Ariel - the dyke type human.
Ash shakes her hand, introducing himself as Ash, Misty tells her it's nice to meet her and her name is Misty and once Brock has introduced himself she tells them that, whenever they're ready, she can float them one by one across the river.
"We're ready when you are!" the trio replies as one.
And thus they're taken across, one by one, first Ash, Pikachu and Ariel, then the others.
They thank them once on the other side, but Ariel explains she had to come over anyway to do some work in the apple trees.
Misty, displaying Ash like stupidity, can't believe all those apple trees are apple trees, then gets all girly, commenting over how beautiful the white flowers on the trees are.
Brock doesn't understand just why she had to come to this orchid for, but before she can answer a stereotype drives by on a tractor, asking Ariel if she's ready to go to work?
She explains to Mr. Douglas that she is, and after they ask her what she does she says, "Why don't you stick around and find out for yourself?"
Gee, why don't you just tell them.
As the kids watch, Ariel judges the win, gives the Ledyba their instructions and then uses her whistle to instruct The Ledyba to make a series of manoeuvres.
"I see," says Brock, understanding the ins and outs of the birds and the bees better than his young companions, "They're pollinating the flowers."
GASP! It's a Ledyba Whorehouse!
Ash thumps his fist into his palm in his best Burt Ward imitation and pretends he knows what the hell Brock is talking about, putting on a big fake smile so he doesn't lose face in front of his girlfriend, who does understand now that it's been pointed out to her.
"Good.... then maybe you can explain it to me?" he asks as Brock falls flat on his face and Misty groans.
Brock, in his best scientist gear (Mrs. Ketchum used to dress him up in Professor Oak's stuff and get him to roleplay) explains how certain hard up bugs are reduced to screwing plants to get their jollies, much like many hard up men are reduced to becoming dendrophiliacs to sate their own urges. So beware ladies, your flowers aren't safe and you should keep knotholes on your trees turned away from the street, away.
All this talk of sexual perversions and dendrophiliacs, of course, brings Heracross to mind and Ash calls out his Sexual Perversion Pokemon, instructing it to help The Ledyba in their rape of the flowers. Heracross, however, is more interested in giving a demonstration on dendrophilia and goes at it with an unfortunate tree as the shocked trio watch on, revolted and yet oddly compelled to watch on.
After tearing themselves away from the gruesome scene, they approach Ariel who explains that, although she has extensively trained The Ledyba, the key to their control is the whistle she uses to overpower their fragile little minds.
Ash, ever the child, asks her to let him have a go but she explains that it's a family tradition and no one but her can use it. He takes this uncharacteristically well as Misty wishes to herself that she had a whistle that could control Psyduck.
Watching all this from a distance is Team Rocket, who obviously got themselves up our of the water after all, and yes it seems that once again Meowth has a pair of this binoculars that not only see great distances, but also hears them as well.
He now knows that all it will take to control the Ledyba is getting that whistle, and the team gets extremely excited, knowing that the twerps will play a different tune when they're calling the shots.
As Ariel calls in her Ledyba for a rest, they are interrupted by an extremely familiar voice.
"Welcome ladies and gentlemen," cries James, the camera panning up him and Jesse. Both are in pants (and it's impossible to tell them apart until the camera reaches their faces) and suits, but Jesse is dressed up almost like Sherlock Holmes, her moustache peculiarly grey compared to her red hair. She holds a magnifying glass in one hand and, as James in his blue suit and red bow tie (and dear God no!) explains, she (or he in this case) is an expert in antiques and has come onto the show today to value any goodies they might have.
Jesse leaps forward and pulls Ariel's whistle off of her, startling the poor young dyke who can't explain the strange attraction she feels to this moustachioed 'man'.
Jesse examines the whistle carefully and comments that it is very well made indeed. James, unable to stand being out of the spotlight, goes over all dramatic as a strangely coloured version of the Japanese flag with question marks popping up all over it appears behind him and he asks Jesse to give her final marks to the whistle.
"I give it..... 5 stars!" cries Jesse before James thanks them for watching and then the two of them turn and run.
"HEY!" cries Ariel, "You can't take my whistle."
Throwing off their clothes with a laugh (sigh, if only we got to see) Jesse and James can't resist introducing themselves.
"Prepare for trouble, it's Team Rocket's whistle!" corrects Jesse.
"Make it double, that's rocket not missile," explains James.
Who cares though, given the slow pan up over their tight Jesse and James asses. Ahhh, heaven will be like this.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, fight, fight!"
"THAT'S RIGHT!" cries Meowth, lowering to the ground in the Meowth Balloon.
"Not you again!" cries Ash, just figuring out that it is, in fact, Team Rocket.
"Give that whistle back!" gasps Brock hoarsely, knowing this is his chance to impress Ariel.
"Never never never!" laughs Jesse.
"You can't blow the whistle on us this time," laughs James.
"We'll see," growls Ash dangerously, knowing how chicks dig that kind of thing.
"De only place you'll see us is in ya dreams, twerpo!" laughs Meowth as Jesse grabs the whistle and calls for The Ledyba to come as she blows roughly on it.
The Ledyba stare up at her, blinking in confusion.
"What's wrong with you!" snaps Jesse, blowing on the whistle again and again, "Can't you hear this?"
"You can't expect the Ledyba to go with you if you haven't even trained them!" snaps Ariel.
"You mean all this was for nothing!" gasps Jesse.
"Even though we blew the whistle we blew it, really, we did," mumbles James.
"DIS IS A BIG BUG RIP OFF!" growls Meowth in indignant fury.
"Don't talk to us about rip offs!" yells Ash, "You're the thieves!"
"YEAH!" snaps Brock, realising now would be a good time to be the man, "Give Ariel her whistle back!"
"I'll give you something!" yells a furious Jesse, calling out her Lickitung and demanding it use it's Super-Sonic Attack.
It does so, doing some serious damage to everybody's ears. Ariel calls for her Ledyba to use their Tackle Attack, but they ignore her and Meowth realises that, with the bugs bogged down, they can capture Pikachu.
"That's what you think!" yells Ash, throwing Pikachu away (nice guy, huh?) and calling for it to use ThunderBolt Attack.
It does just that, but the resulting electrocution and pain of Team Rocket, coupled with the light show, scares the Ledyba away and they fly away in terror as The Meowth Balloon is punctured and sends Team Rocket blasting off again..... with Ariel's whistle and any hopes of recapturing The Ledyba.
Ariel and The Kids head into the forest to try and find The Ledyba, and after Ariel lies to Ash and tells him she doesn't blame him for scaring her highly trained, income bringing, flower raping Pokemon away, Brock calls out Zubat.
"Why Zubat?" asks Misty.
"Both Zubat and The Ledyba use Supersonic Waves," Brock explains, "If Zubat can match their frequency, it should be able to find them."
This is a brilliant idea, of course, and Brock sends Zubat off to find them.... and it returns immediately.
"That was quick," laughs Brock, "Maybe it found them all ready?"
What it actually found, unfortunately, was a whole bunch of Golbat's that zoom and swoop around the terrified kids. Brock instantly calls back Zubat and, after all of these Pokemon Trainers do absolutely nothing to try and capture them, The Golbat fly away.
"BROCK!" screams an angry Misty, "THAT SUPERSONIC IDEA OF YOURS WAS SUPER STUPID!"
"I was just trying to help," Brock replies sheepishly, then quips horribly, "But I guess my idea was a little batty."
Ariel, meanwhile, is trying to figure out where her Ledyba could be. She knows that they like the smell of flowers (and raping them as well) so maybe they flew off to a garden somewhere.
This gives Ash an idea, it takes a pervert to catch a pervert, so he calls out Heracross and tells it to sniff out some fine ass flower meat to be sexually abused.
Heracross leads them away confidently, and they think it's solved all of their problems until they discover to their horror that it hasn't gotten rid of all it's Dendrophiliac tendencies yet, as it begins wildly humping yet another tree.
"I guess Ash isn't the only sucker," mutters Misty.
HA! You wished he sucked!
Meanwhile we find Team Rocket yet again (hooray! usually they blast off only once, sometimes twice, here we're going to get to see three whole times!), lying in a field of beautiful flowers and enjoying the scenery.
"Ahhh," sighs Jesse happily, "Skies as blue as sapphires, clouds as white as marshmallows.... we could be sailing sweetly through them on soft summer breezes..... BUT INSTEAD WE'RE STUCK ON THE GROUND SEWING THIS DUMB BALLOON!"
"How about a little less yapping and a little more sewing," sighs Meowth as the beautiful field of flowers disappears to show Team Rocket sewing up the remnants of their balloon in the middle of a green but otherwise barren field.
"That's right," mumbles James, careful not to irritate Jesse too much.
"Now I remember why this whistle reminds me of you two," snaps Jesse angrily, throwing the whistle away, "It's useless!"
"Don't trow it away," Meowth complains, scooping it back up, "Maybe it didn't work before because you wasn't playing it the right way, Jesse."
"I'd like to see you do any better!" growls Jesse.
"Don't mind if I do," replies Meowth, forgetting he doesn't have lips, and begins blowing uselessly into the whistle, making a light breathing noise that sends Jesse off into cruel, heartless laughter which all us boys can remember well from our school days. Oh why didn't you want me Emma? Why why why!
Ahem, yes, well I..... ahem.
"Looks like you're working yourself into a huff," laughs Jesse, then calls out Arbok to go find themselves something to eat.
Meowth, meanwhile, has bypassed his lips problem and managed to get the whistle to blow, but something strange is happening. Behind them, Arbok dances and sways to the music, caught up in the rhythm of the beat.
They stare in shock at him before Meowth begins to play again, and once more he dances, drunk on musical alcohol.
"HA!" laughs Meowth, hugging the whistle, "I always tought I was a real charmer... and I am!"
Suddenly they notice for the first time that only 20 meters of so away lies the Ledyba, sleeping comfortably on the grass within sight of the mean old trio that scared them off originally.
Jesse is ready to capture them the old fashioned way, seeing as how they're asleep and helpless to defend themselves. But Meowth wants to do the honours, calling on Arbok to dive underground and round The Ledyba up for him.
No one expects Arbok to actually do what Meowth says (remember Island Of The Giant Pokemon when Ekans explained to Meowth that it would only follow the orders of it's master, Jesse) but with one blow of his whistle it leaps underground and scares The Ledyba together, allowing Meowth to toss his net over them, capturing them.
As James' stares in shock, mouth hanging open, a grumpy Jesse mumbles that she isn't sure she likes this new turn of events.
Neither do The Ledyba, who find themselves tied up and in Team Rocket's control. They try to fly away but Meowth keeps ahold of the rope, being pulled along with them. James leaps after Meowth and captures him and Jesse leaps after James, capturing him, leaving all three of them suspended in the air as Arbok watches on.
"This is better than our balloon!" laughs Meowth.
"As long as you don't let go!" whines James.
"Let's go get that Pikachu!" demands Jesse, "Ready, go! Oops sorry, Ledy, go! Ahhh...."
But The Ledyba aren't listening, and after repeated demands from Team Rocket they finally react, spraying a mist of orange die over their faces.
"Ahhh!" cries Jesse, "What's this!?!"
"I've heard of seeing red, but never seeing orange!" cries Meowth, who obviously never heard about The Vietnam War and Agent Orange, unaware of the massive problems him and his kids are now going to have in later life.
With a buzz, The Ledyba set off for something, Team Rocket dangling beneath them and Arbok following after.
The twerpy trio and Ariel are still looking for The Ledyba, but she's worried that they won't listen to her without her whistle even if they do find them.
Brock assures her that she'll be all right, The Ledyba only ignored her the last time because they were confused over Lickitung's Supersonic Attack.
Surprisingly for a self-sufficient bull-dyke, she goes over all girly and begins crying, moaning that she doesn't know what she'll do without her little collection of flower rapists, she just can't imagine life without them.
Coming right out of left-field, Ash gives her a pep-talk, telling her that it is what's in their hearts that matters and they'll remember that it was her that raised them and cared for them and looked after them when they were sick and all that other good bollocks that it supposed to matter.
"Do you smell what I do?" Ariel asks and they all have a sniff around.
Dodgemaster's Note : All we smell is that bullshit that was coming out of Ash's mouth earlier.
Ariel explains that the smell is a very faint one which The Ledyba give off when in danger, and after some quick reconnaissance from Pikachu they find the field where Team Rocket were earlier. Heading after the trail of orange dye, we cut to Team Rocket beings dragged along the ground, screaming and writhing in pain as The Ledyba blindly attempt to escape.
Arbok comes to the rescue, wrapping itself around a tree trunk and grabbing ahold of the ropes dangling from The Ledyba, anchoring them to the ground and keeping them from escaping.
"Arbok! You're brilliant!" cries Jesse happily.
"Good work Arbok," adds James, knowing he got the short end of the stick when their Pokemon evolved back in Dig Those Diglett.
The short, ugly end of the stick.
However that good work may soon be undone, as the twerpy trio leap through the trees and demand Team Rocket give The Ledyba back to Ariel.
James - who luckily always keeps a bazooka down his pants in case of emergency - whips it out and blasts a net over the kids and Ariel, pinning them to the ground.
"Gotcha!" he laughs.
"No hand over that Pikachu," demands Jesse.
"I would never give Pikachu to you!" yells Ash angrily.
"Then I guess we'll just have to take it from you!" snaps Meowth angrily as Jesse and James call out Lickitung and Victreebell.
Following the obligatory swallow of James, the two Pokemon charge forward and use their stomp and tackle attacks. Lickitung stomps on first Ash's head and then Misty's (luckily he has no brain and she's a hard headed woman) as Victreebell slams again and again into Brock.
Ariel meanwhile, despite her own misgivings over The Lebyba listening to her, calls for them to help and they drag harder and harder against Arbok's pull, finally breaking free and charging to the rescue.
They charge forward, dragging Arbok after them, and slam the snake hard into Lickitung and Victreebell, slamming them away before turning and giving chase to Team Rocket.
Ash, meanwhile, calls out Bulbasaur and gets it to use it's Razor Leaf attack to free them.
This gives James an idea, though, and after dodging the frantic Arbok's swinging head, calls for Victreebell to use it's own Razor Leaf Attack.
The Ledyba follow Ariel's orders, which allows them to dodge the Razor Leaf's, which in turn cuts their ropes away letting them fly free.
Jesse, knowing she has to disrupt The Ledyba's concentration, calls for Lickitung to use Supersonic Attack, but Ash thinks first and sends Pikachu out with a ThunderBolt. The blast smashes Lickitung back into Team Rocket, and then following explicit directions from Ariel The Ledyba hit Team Rocket hard with a Tackle Attack.
"LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET'S BUZZING OFF AGAIN!"
Brock, thinking fast, catches the whistle that of course is knocked free by the Tackle Attack, while Ariel hugs her Ledyba, happy to have her source of income back.
"It just goes to show," Brock notes wisely, "That if you care for your Pokemon they'll care for you."
Ash can't stay quiet at this, of course, and he adds to the enlightenment of the moment by adding the perfect touch to Brock's wise words.
"Yeah!"
Following this Ariel decides to test her ability to control The Ledyba without the whistle and the results are very pleasing.
The following conversation, however, needs to be taken in context, remember to look between the lines, and also that Ariel is a lesbian, and that whistle is sometimes used as a slang term for penis.
"Wow, doesn't seem to matter whether you use your whistle or not," says Brock.
"From now one I'm going to try and use the whistle less and less, everyday," agrees Ariel.
"Great," adds Ash, "And I have a feeling you'll all be happier that way."
"Yeah! We're happier all ready!" gushes Ariel.
We think there's a little something we can all learn from that, don't you.
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