116: A Sappy Ending
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Still, like all Pokemon episodes it has it moments, including the inclusion of a character who is obviously some kind of Marijuana Farmer, a gay Pokemon, enforced homosexuality and James eagerly licking up a sweet, sticky fluid.
And so read on, fair Dodgers, and know the wonders of Pokemon.
The trio are strolling through a beautiful leafy forest, enjoying the sights and sounds of nature. However, as the narrator explains to us via the joys if alliteration, the scene isn't as serene as it seems. Before them appears several trees that, unlike the others in the green forest, are stripped bare of all leaves and seemingly of all life. This is most peculiar, given that it's nowhere near fall and the trees should still be full of life, what gives? What up?
They all look around, as if hoping for an explanation, and Pikachu suddenly notes something far in the distance. Looking over, Brock sees it too and alerts the others to what may be the source of the trees loss of foliage.
Straddling the trunk of a tree like an unwanted lover, several black, bug-type Pokemon appear to be chewing and suckling at the bark of the trees.
Misty, seeing this, feels a connection between the trees and herself, as she too has an unwanted monster suckling at her life energies in the form of Togepi, which is laughing maniacally at the sight of yet more Leech-Type Pokemon (don't believe us, check it out for yourself!).
That, and she has always hated Bug Pokemon.
Ash checks the new Pokemon out with Dexter, which informs him that they are Heracross, the single horn Pokemon, though gentle and docile, Heracross possesses great strength, and power. Their favourite food is the fresh sap of leafy trees.
Ash decides he'll catch all of the Heracross, figuring to not only rid the trees of their unwanted leeches but also get a few new Pokemon for himself.
"Hold it, young man," interrupts a voice, and the trio turn to see a scruffy looking young fellow in orange over-alls, a back-pack, amish-like beard and a silly cloth hat.
He introduces himself as Woodruff, a Ranger for The Forest and Wildlife Bureau.
Yeah right, Woody, more likely a Ranger for the Hidden Marijuana Fields Bureau, just trying to keep the kids away from your hidden stocks of the lovely drug.
He tells them that they're free to capture the Heracross, but doing so may lead to more damage than good to the forest.
Rather than explain, he lets them watch as a flock of Butterfree fly in and lick up the leftover sap that the Heracross haven't chowed down on. The Butterfree are too weak (and suck too much) to be able to get through the bark to the sap, but the Heracross are able to chow right through it and get to the sap, leaving just enough for the Butterfree to flap in and eat their fill.
Damn, we'd forgotten how much Butterfree suck.
Ash figures that everyone must be pretty happy with this system (yeah Ash, I'm sure the Butterfree enjoy licking up the leftover food the Heracross have been slobbering their mouths all over) but Misty notes that they're hurting the trees, which leads to the inevitable conclusion that nature is somehow out of balance.
Woodruff agrees, telling them that things have been out of whack since a band of invaders entered the forest.
The kids are shocked, as are we all, but luckily for Woodruff it's not The Man, but a band of Pinsir that have been coming into the forest and taking all the sap from the trees the Heracross usually leech off of.
This is of some concern for Woodruff, since his plantations could be exposed by the lack of leaf cover if this continues, so he's come to try and put things right.
With brilliant timing the Pinsir's come, clacking their pincer's together and leaping up onto the tree the Heracross and Butterfree are using. They scare the Butterfree away (damn, they suck!) and then get up into the branches, threatening The Heracross with their pinsers.
Ash and Misty call for The Heracross to fight back and it looks like they're going to, wings sprouting out of their backs as they fly up to menace The Pinsir. The charge forward as one as Ash and Misty cry on their encouragement, but a quick clamping of the Pinsir's pinsers later, The Heracross are flying away like little girly-men.
Ash and Misty are shocked, while Togepi roars with laughter at the pathetic sight (again, if you don't believe our serious warnings about the evils of Togepi, check it out for yourself).
Woodruff explains that The Heracross, while powerful enough to fight off The Pinsir, are just to gentle and peaceful (maybe they've been trying a little of Woodruff's crop?) to fight, and would rather take flight.
A cowardly little punk at heart, Ash figures this is a pretty good strategy, but Brock comments that if they don't stand and fight soon, they're going to lose the forest.
Suddenly they notice that one Butterfree which sucks even more than the rest (giving it near Vulpix-like suckinicity) has gotten trapped up in the tree as the Pinsir menace.... but what's this! One brave Heracross has remained behind to defend it's lecherous friend.
But it's outnumbered and surrounded and doesn't stand a chance, until Ash evens up the odds by sending out Bulbasaur to use it's Vine Whip on The Pinsir, knocking them down and allowing sucky sucky Butterfree to fly away.
Now Heracross is too exhausted to fly, however, and The Pinsir are leaping back up onto the tree to get at it. Not if Ash can help it, however, as he commands Pikachu to use it's Thunderbolt attack on The Pinsir, knocking them off of the tree and pissing them off as they turn to charge Pikachu.
The agile little French Rodent dodges their attacks, though, and use's it's Thunder to blast them again, sending them running in terror back into the bushes.
Heracross watches this all with wide-eyes adulation, but not for Pikachu or Ash. No, this Heracross guards secrets all of it's own and one of them is about to be exposed now as it leaps down and moves to thank Bulbasaur and Pikachu..... or so Ash thinks until :
THE BULBA-BLOW-JOB!
As a shocked and disbelieving Pikachu looks on, Heracross - The Sexual Perversion Pokemon - grabs Bulbasaur and clamps it's mouth around his bulb, sucking on him in a hideous tableau of sexual perversity.
Bulbasaur is shocked at this sudden, unwanted sexual advance as it feels it's Bulba-hood being called into question by the sweetly sucking Heracross, it becomes furious at the implied homosexuality being forced upon it and lets loose with it's Vine Whip, slamming Heracross onto it's back, where it lets loose with a stream of tears and much flailing of arms and legs, unable to believe that it's advances were spurned... it's made such a fool of itself!
Misty, being a little naive, figures that Heracross wasn't protecting Butterfree, it was just hungry for some more tree sap.
"Maybe," chuckles Brock, not wanting to break it to Misty that Heracross is a horny homo, and that it was probably having a little tree top rendezvous with the Butterfree (which may suck in more ways than one) that was interrupted by The Pinsir.
Ash figures everything is fixed now, but Woodruff explains that The Pinsir will be back. It seems that not so long ago both Heracross and Pinsir had their own sections of the forest, separated by a deep chasm with a river flowing through it. But recently The Pinsir have been moving across the river to Heracross territory.
"Oh well, time to go!" suggests Misty, who is, as she herself has said before, not an especially helpful young person.
Ash and Brock want to stay and help of course, much to Misty's chagrin. She doesn't want anymore to do with it, partly because of her distaste for Bug Pokemon, mostly because Togepi fears what the Pinser's pinsers could do to it's soft, egg shell and it is demanding that they leave the forest immediately.
They head of for The Pinser forest, Woodruff explaining that it'll be slow going considering the thick underbrush they'll have to pass through.
Ash, hardly the brightest spark, knows the quickest way to help the forest is to destroy it, and sends out Bulbasaur to razor-leaf it's way through the underbrush.
Here we see the lie of Woodruff's claims to be a Ranger. No self-respecting Ranger would allow the forest to be so rudely cut up and cleared. But he's not a Ranger, is he kids? No, he's a filthy old Dope Grower, getting rich through means of illegal enterprise.
Means endorsed by 450 out of 500 Fortune 500 companies!
As they head along, Heracross follows from a distance, noticed by Brock.
"Don't look now," he says as they all look now, pointing out that Heracross is following them.
"Haha!" laughs stupid Ash,"I bet Heracross wants me to be it's protector."
Misty is a little more onto it now, betting that Heracross wants to be a nectar protector.
Bulbasaur notes it's attempted rapist and charges to confront it, using it's Razor Leaf attack against the perverted Pokemon and scaring it before turning and heading off again with the others.
Heracross stands watching them head on, a look on it's face that seems to say, "Oh you pretend you don't want it, ducky, but I know better, you'll come crawling back to me one day."
Woodruff tells Ash that they're through the thickest part of the underbrush now and that the path should be clear, so Ash calls Bulbasaur back (if there is a shower inside it's Poke-Ball it'll be curled up in the fetal position under hot running water for most the rest of the night) and they head out to the canyon.
They stare down at the long, long drop below and Ash asks if they'll have to climb all the way down and then up again.
Woodruff explains that there is a rope bridge a little further up and leads them to it, but when they get there the platform has been cut away leaving only hanging ropes. Woodruff can't understand, he was there only a week ago and the bridge was fine, and Ash lamely suggests that maybe every single rope on the entire bridge all wore out at the same time and fell.
Misty notes that a little further up the Pinsir's have found their own way across, leaping from a fallen tree on one side to a branch on a tree growing out of the cliff-side on the other.
This then, is how The Pinsir's are getting across to Heracross territory, but it doesn't explain what happened to the bridge.
Ash suggests that maybe The Pinsir cut the ropes to prove how nasty they are, but since that's a crap idea the others totally ignore it, Brock asking why they'd bother to go to the efforts to do such a thing.
Woodruff notes that the ropes have been sawed through, not cut, meaning that a human being was responsible for the bridge going down, but who Team Rocket would Team Rocket do Team Rocket such Team Rocket a Team Rocket nefarious Team Rocket thing?
Brock figures whoever did this most likely doesn't want anyone snooping around the Pinsir forest, which suggests maybe a rival group of Marijuana Farmers.
Ash is determined to get across, which is all well and good, but just how are they going to get over there?
Enter : Heracross.
The sexually frustrated Sexual Perversion Type Pokemon has gotten so antsy and desperate that he has begun slamming against a tree, rocking it out of it's roots and slamming it down over the canyon, providing a much more solid bridge than the old rope one would have.
They set across the bridge, Woodruff first, Ash next, then Brock as Misty hangs back, calling them nuts and refusing to head across.
Togepi, however, has become interested in the mystery and now wants to head over, so it leaps out of Misty's hands and charges across the tree, dancing with mad, drunken delight before slipping and falling.
Free-thinking individualists all over the world hold their breath in anticipation at the thought of Togepi's mad reign finally ending with a drunken spill over a deep chasm.
But it isn't to be so as Misty dashes onto the tree and catches the mad monster with her hands, losing her one chance to escape the chains of the monster's villainry.
Damn that evil, evil Togepi, damn it to hell! Misty heads over to the other side and Ash calls for Heracross to join them, but it's a creature of sensation and is straddling the tree as it suckles and laps with reckless abandon at the sweet sap within the trees.
This is what a glut of sensation and addiction will do to you kids, you'll end up not caring what or who you have to do to get your new fix, you'll do anything for it, anything at all!
Just ask poor Bulbasaur!
They head on, Ash noting that Heracross is still following them.
"It probably thinks the three of us are saps!" notes Misty, which gives rise to a horrible vision of Heracross doing horribly sexual things to them as well.
Ugh.
Woodruff tells them to keep alert, as they're nearly in The Pinsir's forest now.
"Oh, great," says Ash, meaning it. "Oh great," moans Misty, not meaning it, "Lots more Bug Pokemon."
Heracross follows on, cupping it's fingers together with a wistful look on it's face as it fantasises about it's next encounter with Bulbasaur.
Woodruff sees a massive tree up ahead and tells the trio that that is where The Pinsir live, in the largest tree in the forest. They approach carefully, looking up from the bushes and taking in the sight of the huge tree and, more importantly, the massive Pinsir sitting inside of it, suckling at the sap.
They can't believe the size of it, none of them were aware that Pinsir's could grow so large.
"They don't!" gasps Woodruff, "That's no Pinsir! It's a robot!"
Hmmmm, been smoking a little of your own crop there, Woodruff?
But no, paranoid marijuana musings aside, he's right and it is a giant Robot which appears to have kicked the Pinsir's out of their home and taken up residence in their massive tree, sucking all of the sap out of it.
But Team Rocket who Team Rocket would Team Rocket do Team Rocket such Team Rocket a Team Rocket thing?
"HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" laughs the familiar voices of GASP! Team Rocket as Jesse cries out.
"Prepare for trouble while we're in the woods!"
"Make it double we're up to no goods!" laughs James.
Leaves spiral down against a white backdrop and the beautiful Jesse and James appear, crying out their motto.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jesse!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight, right!"
"That's right!" laughs Meowth.
"So you're the ones responsible for that mechanical Pinser!" cries Woodruff, who has seen enough strange things in his drug addled life to discount the sudden appearance of these three.
"That's right," laughs Meowth,"We found the ad in the back pages of Popular Pokemon and we sent away for the plans!"
"Tell them the story!" cries Jesse happily.
"We wuz hungry," continues Meowth without preamble,"It seems like only yesterday but it was two days ago...."
Cue flashback.
"Oooooooh," ooooooohs James.
"Ahhhhhhh," ahhhhhhhs Jesse.
Before any RocketShippers get too excited, they're moaning with fatigue.
Before any Rocketshippers get REALLY excited, they're fatigued because they've been hiking for hours and are tired and exhausted and sulky and moaning.
"I thought.... this hike, would be... a piece of cake!"
"This is a fine kettle of fish for Team Rocket, isn't it?" moans Meowth.
"We're in a jam," grunts James.
"Stop!" moans Jesse, unable to listen to all this talk of food any longer.
The three collapse to the ground as Meowth moans that he's too starved to eat, that is until a heavenly aroma twitches at his nostrils and he perks back up,"Hey! That smell! This could be our breakfast."
"French toast!" gasps Jesse.
"Belgium Waffles!" moans James.
They charge towards the smell eagerly, coming up short when they find themselves at the massive tree of the Pinsir's, noting the sap running out of the tree.
"That gloopy gloop looks disgusting!" Jesse mumbles,"Are you going to try it James?"
"I'm not going to try it," he responds,"Let Meowth try it."
Meowth is only too happy to give it a go, licking at the sap and crying out happily,"Hey! I like it! Meowthy likes it!"
"If I weren't so famished," grumbles Jesse, approaching the tree, "I wouldn't even consider touching this sappy stuff."
She wipes some sap onto her finger and lightly placing it into her mouth before she lets out a little gasp of delight, "It's tasty!"
James is in ecstasy, eagerly taking the sticky fluid into his mouth and singing a happy little song, "It's sweet, and it's yummy... it tastes like honey! It delicious... and nutritious and.... it's free!"
"This junk tastes better than maple syrup if you ask me!" laughs Meowth.
"You've just given me a million dollar idea," notes Jesse, stepping into shot.
"I could use the million bucks," notes Meowth,"Can I have it back?"
"No, it belongs to me," she replies smoothly,"I'll open an exclusive pancake house and instead of using maple syrup I'll slap on the sap! Then I'll add my own blend of limburger cheese and cajun curry powder!" she takes on a faraway look as her eyes wobble with joy before she gasps, "Oooh! And I'll call the place The International House of Jesse!"
Limburger cheese and cajun curry powder? Feel for Jesse, for she was poor.
James and Meowth look anything but enthralled at this prospect, James noting that it sounds like a recipe for disaster.
"A million dollar disaster," adds Meowth.
End Flashback.
"Ewwwww," moan The Trio and Woodruff (ha! give Woody some of his own special crop and he'll soon be begging for Jesse's pancakes!) as Ash mumbles sarcastically, "Yummy."
"We decided the pancake house idea was a little too flippy to fly," quips Meowth, "So we came up with a better idea."
The camera pans up the tree to show the mechanical Pinser sucking up all the sap as Jesse explains they're going to bottle all of the sap and create a new taste sensation, Rocket Sauce!
"Then when we put the stuff in bottles and sell it at all night convenience stores...." adds Meowth, obviously appealing to all the potheads out there with the 3am munchies.
"We'll be dripping money!" laughs James as the three of them leap into the air against the backdrop of the Japanese National Flag.
Explain that one, Yankee Pig Dog Translators!
Brock realises that this is what caused the Pinser's to set out into Heracross territory, as Team Rocket have stolen all of their food.
Misty notes that if Team Rocket aren't stopped, the forest (and Woodruff's plantation) will be destroyed.
"This is exactly what happens when humans use nature selfishly without thinking of the consequences first!" snaps Woodruff, providing cover for his own illegal activities with a screen of ecological concern.
Ash goes off at an uncaring Team Rocket about their lack of concern for the effect their money-making scheme has had on Nature's balance and the Heracross and Pinser's, but Jesse could care less, the only balance she cares about being the balance in her Chequeing Account.
"This situation is about to get sticky!" cries James.
...
No, you all know.
Jesse sends out Likitung and James sends out Victreebell before running with a girlish squeal into the bushes, sure that his grass-type Pokemon will try and take a bite out of him again.
Nothing eventuates however, as James pops his head out, wondering why Victreebell isn't attacking him.
The reason is clear, as he spots Victreebell eagerly licking up the sap from the trees.
"Hey!" cries James angrily, "You're eating up all our profits you yellow bellied sap sucker!"
Victreebell responds by swallowing James, as he begs forgiveness, as Jesse yells furiously at Likitung who ignores her, continuing to lick the sap and not the twerp as she wanted.
"The real Pokemon are out to lunch," says Meowth sadly, holding up a control box, "This looks like a job for Super-Pinser."
The robotic Pinser stops sucking at the sap and leaps down to face the trio and Woodruff.
"This little suck-bucket was made for collecting sap, but it's a pretty good crusher in a pinch!" quips Meowth horrendously, before he directs the robot to menace them with it's crunching, crushing pincers.
Ash sends out Bulbasaur to deal with it, calling on it to use it's Razor-Leaf attack, which bounce harmlessly off of Robo-Pinser's steel skin.
"Bulbasaur thought it could stop our Pinser by putting it's petals to the metal," quips Meowth again.
"Hahaha!" laughs James.
"That was a good one," notes Jesse, lying.
Ash, still not quite grasping the concept that leaves and vines aren't much good against steel, directs Bulbasaur to use it's Vine Whip Attack to wrap around Robo-Pinser and spin it around, making the metallic, unliving hunk of metal dizzy somehow as Ash attempts to finish things off by using Pikachu's Thundershock attack.
Meowth had planned for this contingency, however, and Robo-Pinser absorbs the energy, getting fully charged up again and becoming stronger than ever.
It zaps them back with it's stolen energy, knocking them all down as Ash gets a taste of his own medicine and Jesse laughs, "That cut those saplings down to size!"
What's with all the horrible quips recently!
Pinser approaches, meaning to do some serious damage to the group, and as Misty calls out to Ash, asking him what to do, he shows his grace under pressure by dropping his head and waiting for the killing blow.
Unfortunately it doesn't come, as he lifts his head to see Heracross, in fear for Bulbasaur's safety, grappling with the robotic Pinser with all it's sexually aroused might.
Meowth can't believe their robot could have been stopped for even a second, knowing that a mechanical Pinser should be able to crush a Heracross like a bug. He directs the Robo-Pinser to fight back, and it begins to push the struggling Heracross back as the bug struggles to fight.
Amazingly, it's long bottled up sexual energy is enough to give it the strength to fight back, and it begins pushing Robo-Pinser back again as the amazed group look on, crying out encouragement.
Ash calls for them to rush up and get Robo-Pinser's sap-tanks off of it's back as Jesse demands that Meowth do something. Meowth would love to, but it seems one of the control sticks is stuck and angrily Jesse pulls it off of him and begins to fiddle with it until James steps in and begins pulling at the other one, both yelling at the other that they can handle it.
It figures, both of them probably have a lot of experience handling sticks.
Meowth tries to get in on the act as well and they break the controller, leaving Robo-Pinser unable to fight back as Ash and co. get the tanks off of it's back and to safety.
Heracross, taking a leaf out of the American Bad-Ass' book, lifts Robo-Pinser up into The Last Ride, tossing him high into the air and slamming him back down to the ground by Team Rocket's feet, causing him to explode.
It looks like Team Rocket's Bugging Out Again! News travels fast in the forest, it seems, as The Pinser's immediately return to their tree, restoring the balance of nature and allowing all creatures to live in peace and harmony..... and Woodruff to go on making his illegal profits from the sale of marijuana grown in the forest.
The Pinser's stay in their own forest while The Heracross and Butterfree go back to their lecherous, parasitical relationship, which is just koot, in't it.
Helpfully Homosexual Heracross approaches Ash with it's hands closed in a silent prayer as it hopes for one last chance with Bulbasaur, but Ash takes things the wrong way and waves goodbye as he leaves it and Woodruff behind.
Walking along, Pikachu notices that Heracross has followed them all the way out of the forest. They ask it if it doesn't want to stay with it's friends but it shakes it's head no.
"I don't get it, what does it want?" asks Misty.
Bulbasaur.
"Maybe it wants to come along with us?" suggests Brock.
No, it wants Bulbasaur.
An excited Ash charges forward and asks eagerly, "Is that it, Heracross? Do you want to come along and be with me?"
Oh, perfect choice of words Ash, do you realise what you've just done?
Heracross nods eagerly at this invitation and Ash sends out a Pokeball to suck in Heracross before he swings around and cries out happily, "Heracross.... chose me!"
Well, we think Bulbasaur and his fine bulb might have had a little to do with it too, Ash.
And as the narrator informs us, Ash, Brock and Misty now continue on with a new member of their circle of 'very, special friends.'
...
Ah well, you can all make of that, what you will.
| BEST QUOTES |
 "I'm too starved to eat"
 "You've just given me a million dollar idea""I could use the million bucks, can I have it back?""No, it belongs to me"
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